Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 72

Johnny And Mary, A True Story (Classic poetry)

I'm sure this is a true story...for somebody...

Johnny And Mary, A True Story...

Now Johnny knew Mary since they were little tykes,
Running in the field, riding their bikes,
Like other little k**s, they stayed out all day,
Doing their chores, later they'll play,

Johnny and Mary went to school,
Tried real hard, act real cool,
Johnny noticed Mary started to grow real fine,
Nice firm breasts, big behin',

Johnny thought he'd take him a chance,
He asked Mary to the high school dance,
Mary said fine, pick me up at eight,
Dress real sharp, now don't be late,

John... Continue»
Posted by Exakta66 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  Views: 474  |  
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"Mail Call".Aka When Jack Met sandra.

The Year 1982.Taking my First trip to Myrtle Beach with the Girlfriend and her s****rs.All seven of them.We all Check into our rooms at this Cheap Motel Called "The Sun Villa".
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A Little run down,But a good Price for Myrtle Beach.
So as we All got settled in, I walk out onto our Front porch and Notice a sexxy Black Thickassed Chick Sunbathing by the Pool.
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Thinking to Myself Damn Like to Get With her Sometime.
Any way when I go Back i... Continue»
Posted by beachbootyman01 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  Views: 472  |  
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Lapdance

Black characters; dont like it dont read my shit & keep it moving...

Tasha had her learners permit for 2 months now, and her parents couldnt keep her from behind the wheel for practice. Every chance she was in a car she begged to drive. 'Come on practice makes perfect...' she begged. After a while Tasha felt her skills were good enough, and whatever she couldnt do she'd pick up along the way. Tasha decided to take her dad's car for a ride. She picked up her girlfriends Traci & Loni for a ride around town.

Traci said to stop by her boyfriend's house for a min, so Tasha did. Traci went up... Continue»
Posted by SweetLipz 2 months ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 472  |  
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Eyebrows

One day there was a man who was driving down the highway when he got cut off by a careless driver,the man doing his best to avoild a accident couldn't stop.His car flipped over three times and bust into flames,when the firemen and rescue services got there they saw he he was burned very badly.After six months in the hospidtol he made a full recovery,but there was one problem his eyebrows were gone.They couldn't find no human hair to match his hair,so they used the hair from the hind leg of a dog.So the man lived the rest of his life very well untill he passes a fireplug,when he do... Continue»
Posted by bildwarrior 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 470  |  
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Explore Your Bedroom Fantasies

We've seen that bedroom fantasies and dirty talk in bed can be a huge turn on, and can also improve your sex life by miles in the introduction article.

But after seeing how dirty talking in bed can actually lead to mistrust if not kept in check, you may want to know if bedroom fantasies are a boon or a bane to couples in love.

Can bedroom fantasies and sexual fantasies go bad?

Firstly, even before we talk about when it can go bad, we have to realise that anything in moderation is great and can be a huge turn on.

But too much of any good thing usually leads to bad results.

So bed... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 470  |  
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Jamie


They hadn't been married long. Still in the newlywed stage of things. They had, however, settled into a happy routine. Joe's only wish for Jamie - that she be a little more demanding in the bedroom. Jamie was shy, almost timid, not sure of herself when it came to asking for what she wanted. While making love, Joe would try to bring Jamie out of her shell, get her move vocal and involved. Did she like to be touched here? What position felt best? Jamie would try but it was still difficult for her. Joe loved her and accepted that he would always be the more dominant in their relationship. Or n... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 470  |  
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Mums Best friend.(Made up but hopefully you like i

I look at her as if she were a godess, she has long black hair you no down to the top of here butt, deep blue eyes and a great pair of lips that say kiss me soft or kiss me hard I just wont to be kissed But its my mums best friend what was i gonna do?
One morning as I woke I heard laughter from downstairs I know one was my mum but was not sure of the other laughter so i got dressed and went down to see who else was there as i went into the livingroom there she was the women i always seem to think about when im alone in my bedroom ;-). I could not belive it i'm stud there looking all tired a... Continue»
Posted by youngandfree 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 469  |  
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My first time being tied down with my gf Robyn

It was 7pm and I just got home from another overnight shift. I flop down on my couch and then in walks my beautiful gf Robyn. Shes in her black 6' heels and she looks sooo busty with her 32E tits. She tells me she wants make me relax. We then go to the basement where she has the bed frame with ropes and handcuffs laying on a pillow. She tells me to lay down and relax. I lay down and then hear the sound of handcuffs closing around my writsts. Then feel ropes being tied around my wrists and ankles. Last the takes a belt and ties it around my torso so I can only move my head. She then takes a kni... Continue»
Posted by andreu20 2 months ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 469  |  
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Planet of the Gigantic Schlongs

Planet of the Gigantic schlongs

By The Iceman

It all began in a place not too long ago but in a faraway
place. There was a planet way out of the galaxy
that no researcher ever discovered and most likely
never will be. The story begins on a planet called
Weenus. Nobody knows how the planet got
its name. Perhaps we’ll never know…..

Although not very much is known about the history of the planet Weenus, there was something very unique about it. There was no war, pollution, crime or poverty that existed in any form. The inhabitants lived peacefully. But what was so unique about t... Continue»
Posted by icemanrisen 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Shemales  |  Views: 468  |  
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When Teasing Takes a Turn

I sit straddling his hips, laughing as I swat him around the head with a cushion. He laughs back at me, tryng to fend off my pathetic blows. Looking down at him sheepishly, moving my hands to his ribs ready to tickle him. His mood changes, his chocolate brown eyes seeming to grow deeper as he gazes up at my downturned face.

“Are you sure you want to do that honey?” he’s challenging me, I know how much he hates to be tickled. “Why wouldn’t I want to?” I shoot back at him, eyebrows raised grinning wildly.

He lifts his hips up to meet mine, the seam of his jeans pressing into my crotch. H... Continue»
Posted by Elizabethann 5 months ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 468  |  
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Seductive Fingers..!!!

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub.
She gestures alluringly to the barman, who comes over immediately.
When he arrives, she seductively signals for him to bring his face
close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard,
which is full and bushy.
"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both
hands.
"Actually, no" he replies.
"Can you get him for me -- I need to speak to him." She is running her
hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid that I can't," breathes the barman, clearly aroused. ... Continue»
Posted by papa61 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 467  |  
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A weekend away (chapter 2)

There I was knackered from the journey and our fucking in the shower and now here I am three hours later, slowly being woken up by my g/f sucking on a very hard cock – my very hard cock – bliss.

The aching in my balls had spread to all over my groin area and my first thought was to get hold of a hand full of hair and push down on the back of her head.

But no, I wanted a cock at the end of this session and if I were to do that, she’d bite the fucker off and spit it at me – she really hates that being done to her.

Suddenly I saw her hair – it was so much of a fuckin mess she looked like... Continue»
Posted by pinks43 2 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  Views: 466  |  
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Supplication

Supplication

She had agreed to allow him to restrain her as part of their foreplay…it wasn’t the first time that they’d tried some ‘vanilla’ bondage but tonight she knew that it wasn’t going to be quite so ‘vanilla’. He’d been hinting all week that he was going to make her beg…and he fully intended to make this a night that she’d never forget. She was a stirring sight, tied with her hands overhead and crossed, her tits pulled up tightly by her body’s position. Her breasts were full, beautiful and perfectly shaped with her nipples defiantly high in their attitude. Her legs were placed wid... Continue»
Posted by hamish67 1 month ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Sex Humor  |  Views: 466  |  
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rainy day thoughts

Today I was mostly thinking about fruit! It all started out so innocently when the idea of sitting on his face and squirting cum into his mouth came to me as I was in the middle of an important but very boring meeting. Knowing he was in an impossible position to be able to wank over our mutual fantasies made my already bad bad mind work overtime. It was a very good idea he told me. But only on the condition that he could watch me slap my clit at the same time. I told him I was full of good ideas and that ‘yes that would be an option’. He said he hoped that my cunt was wet. In reply I said it... Continue»
Posted by Novocaine1 1 year ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  Views: 465  |  
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Betty's life (Chapter 2)

Your full lips are closer and closer to CJ's shithole. You can even smell it. It smelled like CJ just had a p*o.
-"Yes, yes, yes...That's it, gurl, that's it! Make me happy, bitch!"-CJ yelled pushing your head even stronger, so your lips touched his anus and your nose was smelling his sweaty balls now.
*There's no way out.*- You think to yourself. You, Betty Boops, the most beautiful white girl in college, with a hot pair of tits and nice big booty, are going to lick some black d**g dealer's ass, who lives nextdoor in you neighbourhood, just for a simple ride to the mall...Hell yeah!
-"C'mo... Continue»
Posted by twingirl 2 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 464  |  
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Mindy’s Story… An Apology

To all of you... To you frequent readers and contributors to xhamster… I owe you an apology for not following the examples I’ve noted in many of the posts on these pages… a sincere effort to record a fantasy or the memory of an event… and write about it in the best way possible for that contributing individual to express the pent up sexual arousal achieved by these memories or fantasies. I have enjoyed a stimulation or two from your stories… and applaud your sharing with any and all who would open your story and read your thoughts and desires. Many other po... Continue»
Posted by oldermale 3 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  Views: 463  |  
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A Day in the park or How NOT to take sexy self pot

A couple days ago I was feeling kind of bad because I had dumped on a guy I had been chatting with. I started thinking, what could I do to make it up to him. Suddenly I knew, I'll take some pictures just for him! It was a nice day outside so I thought - an outdoor shoot would give both of us a thrill! He knows I tend to be an exhibitionist so I ran upstars and picked out my outfit. I choose a short blue jean skirt and T-shirt with no panties, partly to get me in the mood and partly because I knew he would like the view.
I planned on doing it in my backyard but as I went to the back doo... Continue»
Posted by uwqgqfrm 2 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  Views: 463  |  
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The Audition 5

Part 5-The Fates are Laughing

"You crazy gurrl." Dennis said grinning with a bulge rising in his pants. My right hand was all over it rubbing up and down.

"Maybe when we're done here, you can get me d***k and take advantage of me. "

Dennis smiled. "I like that idea."

********************************************************************************

"Cut!" Ordered Nick. "Everybody Take 10!"

(Wow! They take breaks here too? Then again for all I know this is a union shop)

Everybody was clearing out except for Dede w... Continue»
Posted by loriannthetran 4 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Gay Male, Sex Humor  |  Views: 462  |  
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The Wonderfully Naughty Wizard of Oz (Ch8)

Leandra held on tight, looking down at the spot that once held the remains of Omby Amby. She pulled herself up and over the railing, looking around to see if Dorothy or The Lion had witnessed what had just transpired. To her delight there was no one but her. She walked over to the map that had caused her to kill Omby and just like Omby, she tossed it over the side of the ship. It swayed in the wind until it hit the desert and turned to sand. She looked out at the desert and saw land on the horizon.

She gathered Omby clothes and walked down the stairs to where she had stashed hers. She sli... Continue»
Posted by teflonsamurai 2 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 462  |  
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Project Pussy!!!

It was a cold winter night in the Chi-Town!! December 25 1994 Marry Christmas to all and to all a good night. Me and a couple of my home boys decided to go to the then Cliff Levingston Rivera for the Christmas celebration of hip. Me a young k** at the time age 25 nice looking short and stature but hansome and always on the look out for some good pussy. When the music came on I look for some one to dance with. On the floor was this fine thick big booty girl dance by herself. I thought to myself let me try and get a dance with her. She was about 5'0 in height but had to wieght about 175.00 with ... Continue»
Posted by thrill1 6 months ago  |  Categories: Fetish, First Time, Sex Humor  |  Views: 462  |  
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