Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 72

Skype horny chat CuteLea & Bleuchanel69 sex ta

That's a hot chat I just had one hour ago with a fantastic english teen. As a lot of men ask me how I find girls, maybe they can find some tips there. I put a screen-shot at the end of the text. Comment if you like, I can post other hot talks I had and I will have ^^

I only modified CuteLéa by Lea and bleuchanel69 by Me - should be easier to read -, and hidded the town where she lives. It may be sometimes a little boring, but it is the real chat we had. Comment also if you don't like ;)



[17:33:19] Lea: hey sorry i havent spoken to you in ages :( i lost my laptop charger so i h... Continue»
Posted by bleuchanel69_skypeme 6 months ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 624  |  
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The Italiano..!!

An Italian man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant and while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting at a nearby table. ...Alone. He calls the waiter over and asks for the most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her, knowing that if she accepts it, she will be his. The waiter gets the bottle and quickly takes it to her saying who it came from. She looks at the bottle and decides to send a note over to the man. The note said "For me to accept this bottle, you must have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank , and 7 inches in your pants.." ... Continue»
Posted by papa61 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 617  |  
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Right hand, left lane

Right hand, left lane

A little poem of love for
a teen driving dangerously


Right hand driving
Fast, hence left lane
On the road again
From West to East
From Left to Right
And back again
High speed, I know

Your little secret

It´s the hole in your pocket.
I know you did it on purpose.
Irish red-head swinging to the East.
Singing a song of love and longing.

Who are you? Old enough to drive?
A sexy hole in your pocket.
So you can drive very fast?

Your button of love

I know your dirty little secret.
You press your special button
All th... Continue»
Posted by petdyke 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 617  |  
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Going Dogging

(Mature lady takes on two)

As I went to get us a nightcap I saw the barman glance across to Eileen and smile. I followed his gaze to see that Eileen had apparently carelessly allowed her skirt to ride up over her stocking tops and as she uncrossed her legs was giving him and I a good stretch of creamy thigh and a flash of her newly shaven pussy. She smiled when she saw us glancing across and slowly crossed her legs to leave her short tight black skirt still a good few inches short of her lace top hold-ups.

As he gave me our drinks he smiled and said" you are a lucky man". I realised this... Continue»
Posted by KingAmir 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 617  |  
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MORE OUCH ..

Okay so I have been thinking about it for a while but today I did it, I went into the premises and up the stairs and waited my turn.

A gorgeous young lady beckoned me in to a room where I took clothes off, not all of them, just some.

Then she sat me in a reclining chair and started to play with my nipples! Now I do not get a hard on nowadays but I definitely got a flicker in the knickers so to speak.

She very carefully massaged one and then the other and did all manner of horny things with her hands.

Then after a moment or two she smiled nicely at me and 'HOLY FUCKING OUCH!!' That... Continue»
Posted by AussieJonno 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, First Time, Sex Humor  |  Views: 617  |  
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Payback

12.00am - I was in the bathroom and I placed the weapons in the holdall of our backpacks. "We have got to get this right!" commanded one girlfriend. Another one of my girlfriends sat in the reclining chair, pondering. "Having second thoughts?" "Me? no way" said another one of my girlfriends. "Its pay back". I stepped out of the bathroom and ushered the girls to the door. There were four of us.

12.30am - It was night and the air was cool. We pulled up outside John Rosh Avenue, near the Olympic Park, in London,. Very quietly, we approached No 41, pulled on our stockings over our head... Continue»
Posted by rockyharte 8 months ago  |  Categories: Lesbian Sex, Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 618  |  
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Jan 1973 Bondi Beach

This is only part of a WORK IN PROGRESS


As the singer was exhorting the crowd to take part, she took three steps in my direction and smiled even more. She said the line perfectly in tune "I looked at you" and I answered, "You looked at me" and we both laughed. Another miracle, this was a girl who liked The Doors almost as much as I did. “I smiled at you," she said, and again I answered, "You smiled at me." At the exact moment the band on stage finished their intro to the war song both of us sang together, "And we're on OUR way."
Everyone in the crowd heard it and wonde... Continue»
Posted by DocW 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 616  |  
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Asian Cum Slut

The night I met Mei in a London club, she was dressed the way you see in
Japanese anime. I told her, and she got all offended since she was Chinese,
and anyway she could not understand what I meant, or so she claimed.

She had on high heeled boots, knee high socks the kind you'll see matched
with schoolgirl uniforms, a chequered plaid skirt that barely covered her
ass, and a white shirt that could barely contain her immense 38E bust.
She looked obscene - breasts that size on a chink, especially one not more
than 5'1 or 5'2 that couldn't be a day over 18 just accentuated the
anime-girl... Continue»
Posted by pornofiend 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 616  |  
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Room Service

Hi All!

Long time no see! I’ve finally ‘got my arse in gear’ and feel inspired to write. The only problem was, because it has been a while what should I blog about? After some careful consideration I thought it only polite to keep you all up to date with ‘recent events’ so to speak lol.

I suppose the best place to start (as with all stories)is from the beginning. I had been chatting to a chap, lets call him Colin (rhyming slang ‘Colin Firth’ - girth ;-P) for a short while, when the delightful boy suggested we meet. Now a lot of the people I talk to either play around with the ide... Continue»
Posted by unassumingmistress 1 year ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  Views: 615  |  
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chinese ball torture chapter two

I knew it was danny’s last night in town. I wanted to make it special. It was his idea to go see a play at a fancy theater. My dad was a douchebag about some issues. Trust me I still got away with murder. He was old fashioned about making me wait until I was sixteen to have my first real date. I hated him for that shit. I was not your average k**. I had a huge secret. Right after I turned f******n my dad got me a job at the restaurant where he worked. It was all kinds of i*****l and corrupt. People thought I was a slacker in my advanced classes. Nearly every weeknight I worked from... Continue»
Posted by linmarris 6 months ago  |  Categories: First Time, Group Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 615  |  
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Boy Having Fun When Parents Out For Temple Run



Hi this is Rishi, age 23 from Mumbai; my height is 6.1 ft. I have a 6 inches long dick and it’s a little broad as said by my earlier gfs. This story is about me and a friend of mine named “Jyoti”.’She was with me in my degree college. She is 24 yrs old.5.3 in height a little on the bulkier side with assets of 38d 32 36 the best part about her is her boobs their shape can be easily seen through her top. I don’t think she might have ever worn a plain bra there were always fancy designs on her cups with different colors and which ... Continue»
Posted by bava12 6 months ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 615  |  
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Fuckn My Flat 2



My hands were shaking at the anticipation, she grabbed the back of my neck and brought me in for another deep kiss, my fingers danced lightly over the mounds of her boobs grazing the hard nipples as my hand got closer to her glistening thighs. I moved my hands over her pussy lips. Wet doesn’t even get close to describing her. This girl was hot and dying for some hard cock to make her scream. Her back arched as I lightly moved her wet lips apart, her panty gusset was soaked through with it as I dragged them off her, her ass raising in the air to help giving me a waft of her pu... Continue»
Posted by salahgabr 2 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 613  |  
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Sperm Count

There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day.

The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it.

Doctor: What was the problem?

Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mo... Continue»
Posted by Deecee29 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 612  |  
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Memoirs of a strip club chef

A long time ago, I had the dubious honor of working as a cook at Sugar’s. The club was billed as a gentlemen's cabaret, although even back when the neighborhood was more prosperous the joint was always a bit seedy. Any building without windows and smoking allowed inside can’t help but turn into a den of ill repute.

The kind of place you’d see a midget cock slapped in the face by a giant lemon horse dick.

I myself was just another face back in the kitchen, where I started as a dishwasher and slowly learned how to cook everything the club had to offer. For the most part we were faceless, ... Continue»
Posted by Beowulf_S 8 months ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor  |  Views: 611  |  
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The Changing Room - Strange Relationship Version X

Caitlin’s log: Sunday, 10 a.m. I’m lying in bed with a terrible, nagging ache. You’d be forgiven for thinking I’d gone ten rounds with a Cabernet Sauvignon, but you’d be wrong. The ache was spiritual rather than physical, the apocalyptic realisation that for the third night running I’d lain awake for hours before falling asl**p, contemplating all manner of things related to re-igniting my sex life. See? That’s what I keep doing, dressing the issue up in euphemisms – “re-igniting my sex life”, “putting the excitement back into my... Continue»
Posted by ChrisTracy 5 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 614  |  
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The learning curve

The learning curve
This story is based on an e mail I received from a “friend” who swore it was a true episode, her husband of two years, she reported as being; a “ half empty oil can and a brick short of a full load as well!”
As a blush saving exercise we will refer to him as Nigel and her as Tina, they live in a modern brick semi detached suburban estate, known locally as filofax ally, full of bottom rung wanabee stockbrokers.
He, Nigel came from well bred stock with money, and had been sent to the city to learn a trade, probably to get him away from home, not bright enough to dri... Continue»
Posted by alibodge 7 months ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  Views: 609  |  
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Welcome To The Nieghbour Hood,Cally!

New Jersey-2006

well it was around spring when Cally arrived.
i was just walking shop when i saw a moving van next to my house,
there was a brunette girl who looked around my age,
long brown hair,curves to die for,and bright blue eyes.


i went over to introduce myself i asked her how old she was and i was right she was 16
after a while her mother asked her to go shop so we both went.
on our way back she asked me what school i attend.
it turns out she attending there next week
so i said i will knock on for her and walk school
that morning i made sure i looked my best i dont know ... Continue»
Posted by charlie-xxx 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 608  |  
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SEXY KUWAIT LADY

That was winter days and she came from England after having vacations. Her house was in front row and there was a single street between our homes. In our area houses are quite big and no one knows that what is happening in someone’s home. My f****y has good terms with her f****y and we usually visit each other. This time she was alone and her daughters remained there and she came for selling her home. For this purpose she told my mom that she wants me to do this job as I have sound contacts in area. I readily accepted this assignment and met with her in her home. We were alone and she was tell... Continue»
Posted by fukkerguy 1 year ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 608  |  
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Cum cuisine excerpt

Planning to expand the story out more for future publication

My husband is a picky eater. Well, I take that back, he is a finicky, superstituous, overtly paranoid and down right trippy eater. The steak has to have the right amount of seasonings in it or he won't eat a bite.
Eggs have to be fried until they look, feel, and taste like rubber. Sweets can't be too sweet, but loads of chocolate on a sweet is ok. The fish can ONLY be wild caught, not farm raised (which had me hunting all over the beaches for a local fish market).
And his coffee? Freshly roasted and brewed each morning ... Continue»
Posted by juniysa 3 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  Views: 607  |  
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lil s****r...dam it

so me n my gf were layin in bed cuddlin wen reach dwn n startd 2 rub my cock. i told her 2 stop bcuz her lil s****r was aimlessly walkin around her house. she continue n got me hard. so i startd playin wit her tits. she got up,closed tha door n undressd. i did 2. she hops on top n stickz my cock inside her. she grabz my hands n places dem on her ass n tells me 2 smack it hard. about a minute into it her s****r walks in n she startd screamin. i push my gf n cover her wit a blanket. her s****r starts laughin n leaves. my gf was so embarress dat she gets dress (so do i) n tells me 2 leave.... Continue»
Posted by thamack408 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 607  |  
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