Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 71

Welcome To The Nieghbour Hood,Cally!

New Jersey-2006

well it was around spring when Cally arrived.
i was just walking shop when i saw a moving van next to my house,
there was a brunette girl who looked around my age,
long brown hair,curves to die for,and bright blue eyes.


i went over to introduce myself i asked her how old she was and i was right she was 16
after a while her mother asked her to go shop so we both went.
on our way back she asked me what school i attend.
it turns out she attending there next week
so i said i will knock on for her and walk school
that morning i made sure i looked my best i dont know ... Continue»
Posted by charlie-xxx 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 607  |  
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lil s****r...dam it

so me n my gf were layin in bed cuddlin wen reach dwn n startd 2 rub my cock. i told her 2 stop bcuz her lil s****r was aimlessly walkin around her house. she continue n got me hard. so i startd playin wit her tits. she got up,closed tha door n undressd. i did 2. she hops on top n stickz my cock inside her. she grabz my hands n places dem on her ass n tells me 2 smack it hard. about a minute into it her s****r walks in n she startd screamin. i push my gf n cover her wit a blanket. her s****r starts laughin n leaves. my gf was so embarress dat she gets dress (so do i) n tells me 2 leave.... Continue»
Posted by thamack408 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 607  |  
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The Changing Room - Strange Relationship Version X

Caitlin’s log: Sunday, 10 a.m. I’m lying in bed with a terrible, nagging ache. You’d be forgiven for thinking I’d gone ten rounds with a Cabernet Sauvignon, but you’d be wrong. The ache was spiritual rather than physical, the apocalyptic realisation that for the third night running I’d lain awake for hours before falling asl**p, contemplating all manner of things related to re-igniting my sex life. See? That’s what I keep doing, dressing the issue up in euphemisms – “re-igniting my sex life”, “putting the excitement back into my... Continue»
Posted by ChrisTracy 4 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 608  |  
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A Surprise BJ

"Oh my God! That girl's booty is SO fat!" laughed Rico as Elyse walked by. "You think you can get with that, T? Elyse Greer is the FINEST girl at Sanctuary High School. If you got with her, you would be top dog around here."





Those words stuck with me all my junior and senior years of high school. Elyse really was one of the most beautiful girls at SHS, but that is not why she was the most desirable; guys wanted her because they couldn't have her. Elyse was a good girl in the body every bad girl wanted. She had the most perfect DD tits that would make Pam Anderson cry and butt so jui... Continue»
Posted by ballzyturtl 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 606  |  
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Cum cuisine excerpt

Planning to expand the story out more for future publication

My husband is a picky eater. Well, I take that back, he is a finicky, superstituous, overtly paranoid and down right trippy eater. The steak has to have the right amount of seasonings in it or he won't eat a bite.
Eggs have to be fried until they look, feel, and taste like rubber. Sweets can't be too sweet, but loads of chocolate on a sweet is ok. The fish can ONLY be wild caught, not farm raised (which had me hunting all over the beaches for a local fish market).
And his coffee? Freshly roasted and brewed each morning ... Continue»
Posted by juniysa 3 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  Views: 608  |  
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Eve (A true story...OK, maybe not)

Going back in time to give the first woman her first orgasm...hey, somebody had to do it...

Eve (A true story...OK, maybe not)

Hello people. Hope you are doing well out there in Fantasy Land. What, you say you are not in Fantasy Land? Oh you will be soon. Don't worry, because we are going deep into Fantasy Land. So deep, we may never return. And believe me, you will go to Fantasy Land with me. Even if I have to pick you up and sling you over my shoulder. So come with me, to Fantasy Land.

It all started innocently enough one fine day back in the eighties. If you recall f... Continue»
Posted by Exakta66 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 606  |  
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Lets Meet

WE TALKED ON THE PHONE AND YOU SOUNDED NERVOUS....TALKING MUCH SHIT TO A GIRL.....TELLING ME WHAT ALL YOU WOULD DO TO THE PUSSY..IM LIKE YEAH RIGHT ANOTHER MAN TELLING ME THAT THEY ARE GOING TO HIT IT LIKE IT NEED TO BE HITTED....

SO I SAT THERE LISTENING TO YOU BLOW ALL THIS STEAM OUT OF YOUR MOUTH...THEN FINALLY I ASK YOU WAS YOU THROUGH USING UP YOUR ENERGY TALKING...YOU SAID HUH...I SAID ARE YOU THROUGH USING UP ALL OF YOUR ENERGY TALKING....

YOU ASK ME WHY..I SAY TO YOU PUT UP OR SHUT UP...PUT YOUR MONEY WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS....YOU GOT QUIET....I SAY DONT GET QUIET NOW...YOU WAS TALK... Continue»
Posted by ladytrucka42 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 605  |  
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Self Service

(With a little help, he sucks his own cock)

After reading some erotic stories from men who enjoy eating their own cum, I was very aroused, though I've never been much into that. I never even like kissing my wife after she gave me head. For some reason I just couldn't shake these thoughts.

One day after reading some very hot stories, I needed to jerk off. In one of the stories a man sucked his woman's pussy after she had just been fucked by 2 other guys. This got me wondering again if maybe I was missing something, so I decided to try tasting my own jiz.

However, after I came, this des... Continue»
Posted by KingAmir 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  Views: 605  |  
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USE ME


My head pulled back, your hand in my hair holding my head stiff.
The position designed to create it im possible for me to resist, you want to take me your way and I must obey..


I'm bent over with my kness on the bed,my legs parted wide...my hands tied at the wrists between my legs, the long rope trailing down the length of the bed.
"Uh.....UH.....UH......UH......UH.......UH......UH" All that can be heard from my mouth as you ride me brutally. I feel my body vibrating with the f***e of the thrusts, my tits and ass dancing like jelly.


"Fuck, your Pussy's tight..Take this..."
I... Continue»
Posted by jadeandjasmin 2 years ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 605  |  
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Advice for you men...er, BOYS

When I was younger, before I had my male cherry taken by a beautiful, sweet, caring, and VERY patient woman (Did I mention BEAUTIFUL? They're ALL beautiful in their own way!)I was like a blind, starving dog in a meat house! When you're not getting it, oftentimes you just want to rip her clothes off and jam that thing right into her quick! Get it in, get it out! "It won't hurt, did it?!" Nah, hah, hay!! It's like when you want to get a car loan: you aren't gonna get it unless you really don't need it! Same with getting laid. The best luck I ever had as a pussy magnet was just AFTER I ma... Continue»
Posted by Volfy 2 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 605  |  
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Roxanne

“You still with the rug-muncher,” he said, putting his empty beer bottle down.
“If you mean Kirstie,” she replied. “Then yes.”
“Well, like I said Rox,” said Bumfelt. “It's been a long day. And as hot as you are, I'm not here for an angry I'm fucked off with my lesbian partner and what some dick fuck.”
“You think that's what this is?” replied Ballsakey. “Fuck you, Eddie.”
“Fuck me?”
“Yes. Fuck. You,” said Ballsakey. “You don't have to be a complete asshole.”
“I don't?” shrugged Bumfelt.
“No. You don't,” snapped Ballsakey, getting up from the chair, moving across the dining... Continue»
Posted by sirprecum 5 months ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 605  |  
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Cum Face the Boyz

I am not sure if this story belongs under this category since it doesn't involve nudity, but I think this is the most appropriate place. Last week I went to visit the guy I am dating, Adam. We were hanging out alone at his parent's house (they were out) and we decided to order pizza. While waiting for the pizza we started to fool around a little bit in his living room, and I ended up giving him a blowjob. I was really getting into it (Adam's always into it!) when the doorbell rang. I immediately stopped and pulled my face away. At that same moment Adam ejaculated unexpectedly. After the first ... Continue»
Posted by oralTcmlvr 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 602  |  
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English Pastimes (A day at the races)

Well a good day out at the races never fails to get me horny,the Sport of Kings,
watching horses run round a track is fascinating, I am usually lucky and win my stake back by the end of the day.
But I really go for the spectacle, Ladies Day at Royal Ascot is excellent for people watching, get to wear a hat,generally be elegant and a lady for the day.
Well until the Champers hits my heels.
It was at such an occasion I was recruited for the Pony Club, I am the Strawberry Blonde who actually believes they have taken the word gullible out of the English Dictionary.
So I will begin...

Stand... Continue»
Posted by DiamondLife 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 604  |  
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Sarah and Daniela


This piece is a chapter extracted from my novel "Toggenburg" a lesbian love story set in the mountains of Switzerland which I've posted in case any Xhamster reader might enjoy it.


Toggenburg Thirty.

“We are going to get wet!” declared Sarah firmly. It was a fair analysis as she and Daniela stood huddled in the doorway of the Hotel Toggenburg contemplating the wretched weather before them. It was still raining heavily and the wind was blowing the sheets of rain around in a bewildering variety of directions. Umbrellas promised to be hazardous accessories ra... Continue»
Posted by Mikebasil 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 600  |  
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To Be Kneaded Like This Was GREAT!!

I am a 61 year old man living in Florida who has always been healthy and rarely ever sees a doctor. However, about 6 months ago I had an auto accident that caused an injury to my neck. After my surgery, part of my recovery included physical therapy and massage therapy. I found a good physical ther****t and worked out diligently 3 times per week. After a week of working out and feeling a bit tight I remembered the massage script and checked the phone book and one ad caught my eye. There was a ther****t not even 5 miles from my home so I called and made my first massage appointment. However, the... Continue»
Posted by Margar 2 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  Views: 600  |  
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My Big Fat Farty Friend 2

Alright you dirty fart fetishist fuckers?!

It's Danni, here again. A 26 British BBW who has more wind than a hurricane!

My mate whose profile this is told me all about how my last anecdote was so well received and that there's been a demand for more, so I've sat my big fat arse down (and don't you wish it was on your face and not this chair?) and decided to tell you another fart filled funny story. Trust me, I've got tons of them!

Have you ever been trapped in a lift?

I have.

Now think about it. A lift is a small tightly contained box with very little air. When it breaks down b... Continue»
Posted by gwensational 2 months ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  Views: 601

SURPRISED VISITORS, THE HOT TUB, AND OUR SNOWY MO

I had rented a rustic cabin, up on snowy Mount Rainier, for this past weekend. Tatiana and I wanted to get away from neighbors, friends and f****y. And spend some quality time alone together, in a remote and intimate environment.

Saturday morning, while we were making love, we decided it would be fun and exciting, to continue our amorous efforts in the hot tub out side the cabin. Tatiana didn't need much convincing, she ran naked, out the door, across the deck, and jumped into the hot tub. I was right behind her. Tatiana is eleven years younger than me. Anyway, that's my excuse why she ... Continue»
Posted by RutgerIvanus 10 months ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 607  |  
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Meeting up

Role-play time again! Fetishist fantasy only, sixth-form student over the age of consent, nothing else implied. Apart from that, zip down, get a grip and let's go.

It's after-school time and we've been exchanging some really filthy texts all day, mostly anatomically unlikely or downright unhygenic, and we're both in need of some extra-curricular activity before going home. We arrange to meet in the park, it’s got lots of secluded areas but there are always people passing through so there’s an element of danger should we decide to get up to anything naughty … which is why we’re there reall... Continue»
Posted by mariewilliams 6 months ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor  |  Views: 599  |  
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The learning curve

The learning curve
This story is based on an e mail I received from a “friend” who swore it was a true episode, her husband of two years, she reported as being; a “ half empty oil can and a brick short of a full load as well!”
As a blush saving exercise we will refer to him as Nigel and her as Tina, they live in a modern brick semi detached suburban estate, known locally as filofax ally, full of bottom rung wanabee stockbrokers.
He, Nigel came from well bred stock with money, and had been sent to the city to learn a trade, probably to get him away from home, not bright enough to dri... Continue»
Posted by alibodge 5 months ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  Views: 599  |  
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Dancing with Danger

by Milliemoon



"So you can see my problem. I know you are usually busy on Friday nights but I just wondered..."

My mom, Sandra, seemed to run out of steam and sat back heavily on the sofa as I stood and looked at her.

"You want me to go with you to your company's annual dinner and dance?"

I guess the astonishment sounded in my voice because she shook her head.

"No, no, it's ok, I'll see if Jean can come with me."

Jean was my mother's best friend, a lovely lady, but somehow not the best partner for a posh do.

"You don't have to ask Jean, I would love to com... Continue»
Posted by Erocus 3 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 597  |  
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