Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 71

Chevy in the Barn

Once there was a traveling sales man named John, selling his wares on the back roads of Iowa. One evening, he was lost, driving down a deserted country road. When he hit a pothole in the night, it threw him across the ditch and into a tree. John got out of the car, he wasn't hurt but the car wasn't going anywhere. He looked up and down the road. No one would be traveling these roads this late at night he thought. So he picked a direction and started walking.

As John walked in the dark, he could hear all the sounds of the night. "What was that?... "He startled, "Oh just an owl." Then a coyo... Continue»
Posted by MesfordK 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
723
  |  
80%

fuck

1. Cut your finger nails!
This is such a simple little thing, but it goes a long way. You will be hard pressed to find any area on her body more sensitive than her vagina (inside and out), and the LAST thing you want to do is completely ruin the mood with a scratch. How do you know if your nails are cut short enough? Touch your gums with the tips of your fingers, how do they feel? If you're not sure, cut them. (If you're having daily sex with your partner, you might be cutting your fingernails as often as every 2-3 days.) But believe me, it's THAT important.
2. Listen and pay attention (in b... Continue»
Posted by manaliheel 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
721
  |  
100%

Happy 2013 Newyear

2012-2013!
by Peter Leo.
approaching the door of our suite, with key in hand, i think with a frown how late business took me and that you’ll be fast asl**p. so knowing my fate, with the stealth of a cat burglar, i quietly slip the key into the lock of the knob. pushing the door open i enter soundlessly. wanting, but not wanting to wake you. i listen in hopes that you aren’t sl**p. but as i make my way into the darkened room, i see your cloths strewn over a chair near the bed. making out your soft steady breathing, that of someone lost in dreamland. “damn”, i mumble.
... Continue»
Posted by waxbat 2 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, First Time, Sex Humor  |  
721

back seat blowy

I had just broke up with my ex and met a girl in a town 30 mins away and my buddy was interested in her friend so it was good for both of us to drive there, we got there and the girls looked great and being kinda hick my buddy and i looks well hick, we went to a movie and then got a bit to eat (it was summer and nice out) we then desided that we could both push i luck if we go outta town were there was a park so we went there and me and the girl i hard my eye on went to the play ground and my buddy and his girl were walking around me and the girl started making out and bein inosent she was a l... Continue»
Posted by freek0418 4 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
720
  |  
89%
  |  2

Photo Album:Teacher's Pet, Part Two

Dr. C. Chambers Post, grew up in a religious Roman Catholic home in a working class neiborhood in Queens, NY. As a young man, he knew he was different from the other boys in his school. But with a strong religious mother and distant transit worker father, he felt it best to keep his sexual predilictions to himself. He was tall, 6'2", handsome, young man with a well built body. As a 17 yo high school senior, he enjoyed being persued by the young ladies in their circle of friends. His two older b*****rs had followed their father in the transit buisness, where if they worked hard for 25... Continue»
Posted by Blondkid2020 5 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Gay Male, Sex Humor  |  
720
  |  
84%
  |  6

Why do so many people want me to friend them?

Why is it so many people want to be my friend? I mean seriously. You don't have to be friends with somebody in order to be friends. Some of my best friends aren't my friends, but we're really, REALLY GOOD friends. Then on the other hand, some of my friends aren't friends at all. We're just friends, is all. It's a shame, but that the way it is sometimes.

So why do you want to be my friend? We don't know each other. Out of the clear blue you swoop down and say, "HEY! You want to be friends?" --I don't know you! For all I know, you could be an axe murderer! Or worse, you co... Continue»
Posted by George178 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
721
  |  
60%
  |  5

Frustration Contact. (Short Story) Also seen on L

The queue, waiting for the first lift is large, but my eyes focus happily on the blonde hair of a woman ahead of me, rather than the floor indicator above each lift. I love women like her, slim, mature, maybe even over fifty, dressed in a suit, shiny hair in a bob style, elegant and feminine.

I am going into the same lift as her, just so that I may gaze discretely at her and enjoy her good looks. My head thrills at the possibility that she has a thin blouse and underneath, a Camisole top. Utterly divine!

The right hand lift arrives and a mass of people shuffle sideways to get it, but ... Continue»
Posted by matureworship 2 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
718
  |  
50%
  |  1

Moms Secret Chapter TWO

Author's Note: Thanks for the patience. This chapter will contain some i****t elements, though it won't directly involve the son and mother just yet. If you're not comfortable with the idea of i****t, you could either skip some of the paragraphs in this chapter or just go on to read Ch. 03.

For Ch.03, I plan to write the mother's perspective which will briefly cover what happened in these two chapters, as well as other events that happened after - without the i****t.

Ch. 04 will be either the son or the mother WITH i****t. I haven't yet decided. It may depend on what the readers want or ... Continue»
Posted by sassygeorge 8 months ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
718
  |  
100%

Fantasy

Walking to my desk, I dropped my damp towel to the floor and grabbed some lotion. The cool liquid soothed my heated skin from the shower as I massaged it into my body; thinking of his warm lips tending softly to the sensitive skin of my neck suddenly made me very aroused. I closed my eyes as I ran my hands gently over my breasts; his hot tongue flicking across my nipple in the forefront of my mind. My whole body heated up as thoughts of Eddie fucking me built up, and I soon found myself on the soft duvet of my bed with my hands between my legs. Eddie always knew what he was doing; he always kn... Continue»
Posted by ella-x 5 months ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
718
  |  
100%
  |  4

Pt.1.James,s Birthday,(Fun & Frolics)

James,s Big Day,Saturday11th July 2015,06.30am.
My plan was for me to awaken him,Wrong,I was awoken with James,s Cock sliding up & down between my Buns,his left hand wrapped around my Cock & Scrotum,giving me gentle squeezes,he was just about to slip his Cock into me,I pulled his hand away from me & Bailed out of bed.
"No Fucking Way,you got a Busy day,& Happy Birthday James"I said,I ran around to his side of the bed,pinning him down in the bed I gave him a Wet Sloppy Kiss,he wanted me to get back in bed with him,I pulled away from him & headed into our shower room & toilet.
I did my toilet... Continue»
Posted by boy2roy 1 month ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
720
  |  
100%
  |  5

WILL'S FANTASY PART 1

I come to be with you in USA.
You take me to your home and we talk as you get me settled in the guest room.
Wanting to take things slow till we both feel ready for more.
We grow closer as the days go by and I know what I want.
I go to the garage to help you fix the car ,wearing a dress and bringing a small hamper of snacks (short bread biscuits,strawberries ,whipped cream and chocolate sauce )for later ...
I stand there ,in the door way ,smiling as you tell me I am not dressed for garage work...
You hand me overalls...
I look into your eyes & smile at you then drop my gaze & gigg... Continue»
Posted by JerseyBean 4 years ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Fetish, Sex Humor  |  
717
  |  
93%
  |  4

What attracts women to older men?

Professor David Perrett, of the University of St Andrews, said that the characteristics of our parents are imprinted in our minds as c***dren, so that we remember and recognise our parents from a very early age.

This is a result of observing our families at close quarters and is seen in other mammals, reports the Daily Mail.

But it seems these "remembered" characteristics do go on to influence who we find attractive in later life.

The researchers conducted a large-scale survey, asking 300 men and 400 women (all of whom were in a relationship and who had been brought up by two paren... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
716
  |  
100%
  |  1

Party Girl

"Oh come on Phyllis, it'll be fun," Brenda pleaded, "you're always saying how you never get a chance to meet anyone and I can guarantee you that the place we are going will be loaded with a lot of guys!!!" Phyllis looked doubtfully at her room mate and replied, "I don't know, Freddy has some pretty weird friends, do you really think we should!?!" "Of course we should, silly," Brenda replied excitedly, "and what you consider weird, I consider "different"!!!" "Well," Phyllis replied, "if you really think so............." "Good, it's settled then," Brenda said happily, "we're gonna go!!!

... Continue»
Posted by rime923091 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  
715
  |  
80%
  |  2

A Kiss is Still a Kiss

Introduction:
Growing up in the same neighbourhood as Amy Jones and Samantha Williams, he'd known them from a distance since they were both knee-high to a grasshopper.
Growing up in the same neighbourhood as Amy Jones and Samantha Williams, he'd known them from a distance since they were both knee-high to a grasshopper. But he couldn't remember a single time when the two of them were not together.

If either of them had been in the least bit plain, they would have drawn snide comments from other schoolc***dren about their sexuality, no doubt, perhaps even earning nicknames suggesting that ... Continue»
Posted by qudduse 2 months ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
715
  |  
100%

Put Your Muffin Where Your Mouth is, Mandy

Put Your Muffin Where Your Mouth is, Mandy
Written by irish4skin
Starring
Mandy Muffin as herself
Josephine James as herself T-Girl Candy Surprise as herself
MILF Delilah as Linda Herrin T-Girl Carla Novaes as herself
Corina Curves as Dr. Carolyn Dick T-Girl Elisangel as herself
Donita Dunes as herself Sasha Grey as herself
T-Girl Adriana Rodriguez as Salina T-Girl Mariana Cordoba as Sama... Continue»
Posted by icemanrisen 11 months ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Sex Humor, Shemales  |  
717
  |  
100%

What to do For an Encore

"Back in med evil days Gay sex was more in the open."

"Behold Hector, someone with their head and arms
caught in the stockade. Let us make haste
and part his ass cheeks forthwith!"

"You go ahead Orville I will go to the village and summon
the brethren so we can have a proper gang bang!"

*********************************************************************

The room was filled with cigarette smoke. But that wasn't a problem for two reasons. One we weren't at work and two I had started smoking again to help me over the estrogen roller co... Continue»
Posted by loriannthetran 5 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Gay Male, Sex Humor  |  
711
  |  
53%
  |  2

LittleMissLipService offers Doug an Apology

Hi all....I have been so bad about posting stories here,
I actually enjoy writing when I have the time and have many, many great true stories that I want to share with all of you naughty perverts ;)

So watch this space for several new stories shortly.....
This is an entry that I wanted to share with you about something that happened earlier this evening when I offered to take a fellow Xhamster writer's fantasy and flesh it out into a story...... They had no interest in doing it and I and several other readers thought it started out very sexily and then just died off - we wanted our Happ... Continue»
Posted by LittleMissLipService 6 months ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor, Shemales  |  
711
  |  
100%
  |  2

First Time

Back in, I believe 2009, I was confronted by an ex in the middle of a park.

She confessed herself, before we knew it we were making-out for a good half hour before she took me down to the beach and into a small wooded area. She laid there before we started in on each other, it was probably one of the hottest moments of my life.
15 Minutes later she started to ride me like her life depended on it, unfortunately so old man walked over and was about to take a piss. The moment was ruined in second.

It didn't end well, but still a first time is a first time.... Continue»
Posted by 7inchesofheaven 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
710
  |  
80%
  |  1

Playing with Amy Dumas (Lita)

Posted by eroll113 3 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Celebrities, Sex Humor  |  
708
  |  
34%
  |  3

Going Fishin'

Introduction: A tale with a twist

Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect backwoods camping and fishing trip.

Two days before the group is to leave, Frank's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Frank's friends are very upset that he can't go but, what can they do...

Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Frank sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and fish cooking on the fire. "Damn man! How long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since yesterday. The night bef... Continue»
Posted by PornApocalypse 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
708
  |  
80%
  |  1