Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 71
Another show, another rigging call. The glamorous life of a big rock show usually begins at 6 AM in the morning putting the rigging in place that holds those massive sound and lighting systems in the air.
This day was starting out like any other. I got to the Arena around 5:15 AM so I could let in the caterers and stagehands. I got the guard to open to door and he went back on his cart to his office. I grabbed my briefcase and headed to the production office. When I got there I opened the door and there was a young girl sitting the desk. She kind of startled me. I asked if I could h... Continue»
When I had my first fingering, I was fresh out of high school and had just met the man who became my husband. He was a few years older than me but still a virgin and I was his first girlfriend. I too was a virgin. It was two weeks after we started dating that he wanted to fuck me. I wanted to fuck him too. He came by one night and we were out in the front of my parents’ house. We started kissing and he started to feel me up. He slipped his hand underneath my shirt and starting playing with my swollen nipples. Gosh, that felt good. He lowered himself down and starting sucking on them. Then h
I was talking with my Dom, earlier today and we were reminiscing about the indiscretions I had while I was married. Its not like it didn't happen once or twice, it occurred multiple times and in different ways with each time getting more brazen. He couldn't believe that my husband did not have the balls to punish a relentless little slut like me and put me in my place. Especially since he wanted to remain married to me. Yet he never set me on a path where I would forget cheating, cybersex, phone sex, webcamming or have any sexual contact with another man (or woman) without his explicit consent... Continue»
Let me start by saying I have an over active sex drive. I could be doing anything, and suddenly I become unexpectedly aroused. Sometimes even the littlest things can set me off anything from putting clothes in the washer to an erotic glance from an interesting stranger. The smell of fresh cut grass, and the feel of it on my bare feet can bring back a flow of memories of previous outdoor sexual experiences.
Anyway when the urge hits me unexpectedly, I choose to masturbate and after the last time I decided to share my personal experience with everyone..
I ran to my bedroom and sla... Continue»
Crazy hippie junky love, that was all about the relationship between Marry and Alex. They would take every toilet in every bar, every party we went, and every scene with them ended up with them fucking like crazy. Unfortunately she was really a junky in those days so, of course she was slowly changing him too.
One day I was in the kitchen, drinking some beer, when they came to me laughing. Marry sat down, took some beer and light a cigarette. She was dressed in one of those colorful dresses, and a leather jacket that I guess it was her guys’. She looked damn hot. “You know what ... Continue»
(A short poem written in praise of my lovers' boobies, all of them regardless of size - and I include my own rather large ones in that category because nobody loves mine more than I do, with the possible exception of my lovely husband! Don't be fooled by the fact that it appears to be written from the male perspective - disregard gender as well as size. It's all about the love of boobies in general, but through my eyes and my lusts!)
My lover's tits are so tiny,
It's so plain for all to see,
Though my lover's tits are so tiny,
She sure loves them - just like me!
MY SEXY WIFE LIKES OLDER MEN
When I married my wife Sally I knew she had a thing for older men so it was no surprise to me when we were invited to my boss’s retirement party at the home of the director of the company home,
You see Sally who is 34 is a real sexy woman and always dresses sexy she has a great body and a nice pair of legs with a great rear and a rather large bust which is very firm I can confirm that she gives a great tit fuck so it’s no wonder she attracts so much male attention when ever she goes out,
But she seems to love the company of older men she always liked the x... Continue»
I laid across the bed on my stomach holding myself up by my elbows wearing just a T-shirt and my boxers looking up at the computer screen with the controller in my hands as my Guild and I marched boldly into the Forsaken Fortress to finally take down the Necromancer King. “This is it you guys” I said over the team channel knowing that this was going to be a long and tough fight, “I need a Defense boost” Shadow_Heart said over the comm. It didn’t take long for Elfkiller1 to start boosting everyone’s STATS, “first one to die has to put 500 gold into the guild bank” The-Bone-Eater said with a gig... Continue»
Right i thought, ill get this last job sorted then race home and have the house to myself for an hour or so before the wife gets in. Both the k**s are away so i thought ill enjoy some sexy time alone. I rushed home and swung the van into the first space i could find. When i jumped out my freshly shaven cock was already starting to pulsate as i thought about my beautiful wives sexy panties in the wash basket just waiting to be explored.
I kicked of my shoes and dropped my trousers releasing my massive hard throbbing cock, and went upstairs. I reached into the wash basket and found 3 pairs o... Continue»
THE WALKING FUCKERS
It was supposed to be a weak RNA strand that
disabled the enemy then withered.
The vector virus had other ideas.
It found a single, mutated Ecoli bacterium
and mated with it.
Military “Intelligence” had finally fucked us all.
“M0m will be furious with me,” I thought, lying in bed,
trying to figure how I'd refuse the “corrective” surgery
and not get kicked out of the house.
The alarm clock beeped.
“I'm 18, why NOW?? I grew up this way! NO, mom, NO!”
Fifty rehearsals in my head.
Then voices in the street.
I looked out the w
Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they started a conversation. The Black Labrador turned to the yellow Labrador and
asked " So why are you here today? "
The yellow Lab replied, " I'm a serial pisser. I piss on everything, I piss on the couch, the carpet, the curtains, the cat, the k**s. But last night was the final straw when I pissed on my owner's."
The black Lab said, " So what's the vet going to do? "
"Well, he's going to cut my balls off," answered the yellow Labrador. "Supposedly it'll calm me down and stop me pissing everywhere."
The Yellow Lab t... Continue»
She sucked on his cock with relish across the gear stick separating the two front seats. Knowing the more danger they were both in the harder he would cum, Emma sucked him harder with gusto and worked the throbbing rock-hard ‘stick’ in her mouth, her tongue slithered and pressed every which way inside. His hands were busy changing gears and steering the wheel, concentrated hard on keeping the car on the road and not the ditch on the side. Every pothole Andrew couldn’t avoid jolted his cock deep into Emma’s mouth, hit the back of the throat every so often.
Now that the blow job keeps both oc... Continue»
Introduction: This is a funny joke for the ppl who never heard it before.
Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.
Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason.
He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try
to touch them, but he had to try.
One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio
the Physician, the King’s chief doctor.. Horatio thought about this and
said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but
it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it.
Without pause... Continue»
She's a minger and she knows it: forty with a wonky eye, overweight and with an abundance of moles on her arms with a large one on her stomach. Her personal hygiene leaves a little to be desired too but
she has big tits and nipples though.
She absolutely adores me but the thing is I just don't give a damn about her: she is just a sexual object to me like the majority of my women. And I have had loads,fucking
On the plus side, however, she is a tad kinky – I guess it’s the only thing the ugly bitch has going for her.
Anyway, it's Wednesday and my day off – I know s... Continue»
now this is some shit thats hrd to belive
never could i ever imagined what was going to happen to me
as i lay therelost in a dream filled with differentwoman in front of me
somewere black somewere whitethe majority looked like white but as i stared getting to know each one it was clearthat race didnt really appear wellat least 2 me it didnt becausetheonlything i saw were nice shaped bodys notthe way u would think...but niced shaped in a way that appealed...to me...
the roundest of tits the thickness in there assess and legs u see i like that shit it turns me on callme different call mewron... Continue»
I cannot help it I love your dick,
Upon its head I like to lick.
I love the hardness of your shaft,
It’s no game but a well skilled craft.
I love to linger around its head,
And make you cum all over the bed.
And oh we can’t forget the balls,
Cause their my favorite part of all.
I’ll finish the task by jacking you off,
And swallow real well so you don’t make me cough.
I LOVE THE COCK!
I love to eat your creamy pie,
About this fact I could not lie.
To take my time and eat you well,
To taste your love and feel you swell.
It is the greatest thought of all,
Last year, around Christmas time, I was back on the East
Coast for Christmas break. I had borrowed my b*****r's new
Corvette, (b*****r is a newly licensed physician) and headed out
to a Christmas party in the Highlands. This was the first time I
had been separated from my SO in a year, so I guess I was feeling
a little unattached.
I got to the party and it was wonderful. I had a couple of
champagnes and danced away most of the night. At 1 am my ex-
boyfriend from high school came in with his newly acquired
fiance. I hadn't seen Danny in 3 years, and I was a little taken
This story is a bit of a fanfic, if you want to call it that, telling Princess Peach's misadventures while being in Bowser's grasp. It's told from her perspective through a series of letters wrote to Mario in which she discovers that maybe she isn't as pure as she was raised to think. I wrote that on an other website some time ago and it was pretty well received there, so here it is! It's still a work in progress.
Dear Mario, I hope you'll get this letter. In my heart I know you are coming to free me from Bowser, but please come as quickly as you possibly can! As soon as he threw me ... Continue»
A Short Story
in play format. (Originally written 23 Feb 2006)
Interior - waiting room of surgery. A voice over the P.A announces for Mrs Allott to enter Dr. R Don’s room.
Mrs Allott: Hello Dr.
Dr. Don: Good morning, Mrs Allott, what can I do for you? how’s Mr Allott?
Mrs Allott: He’s fine. Dr, I’m here about my pussy.
Dr. Don: And what is the problem with it?
Mrs Allott: It keeps itching.
Dr. Don: Well, you better get it out and I’ll take a look at it.
Mrs Allott gets it out and Dr. Don proceeds to take a good look at it.
Dr. Don: You have a lovely pussy,
A new wife goes black.
We were on our honeymoon in Montego Bay .. I was doing lots of drinking with new friends the night before .. playing drinking games for points .. the wife was real horny when we got home at around 4am .. started me off by giving a hot fingering show .. she laid back on the four-poster bed in our ocean-front suite with only the white terry cloth robe that they give you for the vacation ...
She was teasing me as I got ready for bed .. I undressed as she was rubbing that juicy pussy .. telling me to watch her get herself off .. she laid back... Continue»