[user]http://xhamster.com/user/teengirerin[/user]

I want to give out a little information before I write this story! My name is Kirk Parmer and I moved to Texas 6 years ago in April and I came from Alaska. I was born and raised in Alaska for 15 years and that is why I have the username Alaska. The xxx is because I like porn! Now this story is titled Kirk & Erin because this is like a parody of the biblical story of Adam & Eve. This story is going to be better though because its going to have sex in it! I hope you will enjoy this and please comment!
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I hope you can see the humor in this one, and don't let it happen to you...originally posted under BrianDamage...

I Woke Up With A Fat Chick

I woke up and couldn't believe my eyes,
When I caught sight of those monster thighs,
Was that a cow that was sucking my dick?
No, I woke up with a very fat chick.

The sight of her got me thinking,
I really should give up drinking,
As if I needed a reason why,
I should also stop getting high.

Looking at this gruesome sight,
I tried to recall what I did last night,
How did I possibly wind up with her?
But my mind was simpl... Continue»

part 2 continuation of "Wake Up!"

After this morning's "wake up" I couldn't focus on work all morning
my thoughts are of nothing but you
your flawless creamy white skin, ample breasts and firm round ass
the scent of your perfume
your light brown hair that frames your angelic face
the pout of your full luscious lips
and your eyes, I lose myself in their dreamy caramel luster
I arrive at our meeting spot, the drinking fountain by the supply closet
you're not there, you're late
we only have 30 minutes for lunch
you said that you had a surprise for me
what could it be...
a new rest... Continue»

Describe all your feelings, omitting the Shakespearean sonnets. Work out your fantasies. Ask open-ended questions, and be supportive of whatever answer that opens up. Softly whispering what you are going to do to each other will also increase sexual tension. Show your partner that you are willing to pleasure them.

Kiss to Kindle

There is nothing more exciting than a long, sensual kiss. It is seductive and intimate. Proper kissing requires proper pressure and moves. Kissing can start from anywhere, anytime, even before you reach the bedroom. If you really want to get in the right mood, ki... Continue»

Pete and Joe have been friends all their lives. As such, they have shared quite a bit in the 30 or so odd years they have known each other. They shared a neighborhood. They shared a school. They shared friends. They shared the same d***ken babe the night of their first sexual experience. They now share an apartment, and in a few minutes they will be sharing a pizza.

"You did order the pizza," Pete asks quizzically, "right Joe?"

"Yea, I ordered the damn pizza."

"Extra sausage?" Pete asks.

"I got your sausage," says Joe sarcastically.

"What's taking Jose so long, he's usually... Continue»

By the fall of 1976 Elizette and I had been deeply involved for over a year. A petite Brazilian, she had jet black hair the length of her back, flawless bronze skin, large, dark brown eyes, and a lissome, graceful body. At twenty, she was almost insatiably sexual. We would have sex five or six times a week, sometimes three times a day. Everything from long languid afternoons of massage and foreplay to quickies in public places. Once at a baseball game she sat on my lap in a tactically parted wrap around skirt. On another, we fuck like mink, buck naked, on the altar of a Catholic church und... Continue»

She was beautiful, tall for a female for she was around six feet; with the most gorgeous pair of legs he had ever seen. Her hair was long enough to cover her breasts and tickle the bottom of her rib cage with the ends of it; her hair was thick, glossy, and the color of milk chocolate. God how he wanted to run his fingers through it and feel it brush against his skin like a blanket of the finest silk. Yet, as beautiful as her body was, it was her eyes that captured, and held, him. They were a deep forest green with a dark ring of gray around the pupils. They were eyes that boldly met his own ba... Continue»

Theatrical……. 5

I was still holding his head and I rested my forehead against his, “I love you, do you know that, have you any idea how much I love you and thank you for this morning, how long was I out for?” I asked, “oh! about 10 minutes, and there is no need to thank me, you were fabulous and I hope you got what you wanted as I suspect that there was a tiny bit of fantasy being lived in you choosing to fuck a black guy” he said,
I could feel myself blushing, “maybe just a little bit of a one” I said softly, “do you have any more that we can attend to?” he asked, “if it means I can see... Continue»

If your bra is uncomfortable, it's the wrong one for your body. If you don't look better with it than without it, it's the wrong one for your body.

It really is that simple. But here are some more specific clues that you need to go back to the lingerie department:

• The straps are either falling off or digging into your shoulders
• The band either pinches your rib cage or rides up in back.
• The cups gape or your breasts are oozing out of them (sometimes causing a "dented" look under clothes).
• The underwire either digs into your rib cage or catches your arms when you swing them forw... Continue»

My quest to find the Queen of Sex Fantasy Land in search of the ultimate sexual experience...

The Queen.

I am so ashamed. I am just so ashamed of myself, you have no idea. I have been so bad I should be punished by one or two of you fine looking women. Really, I have been a bad boy. I have let you people down big time. Oh yes, I really did it this time. Here I am on an adult web site and what do I write? c***dish nonsense about lost tribes of wild women, going back to the Garden Of Eden, girls tied to fences. Utter nonsense. Here you people are out there, expecting some hot... Continue»

I have to be fast any second it can change the whole motion and I will be out off sync. I turn over and move myself in a position it will be easy to go deep just the way I like.

When I push hard in one thrust as deep as I can and in the meanwhile reaching out for the breast to grab the nipple I know this will make the difference so I can penetrate all the way, even it will hurt for just a second.

I stick high up my curved ass towards his stiff cock to feel him going even deeper, I moan loud if he squeezes my left breast and pulling my swollen nipple.

The sensation of feeling the tip o... Continue»

After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit if a treat.
I ordered it well in advance and working in the North Sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...Oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the oth... Continue»

Tuesday; the morning after the lunch before. I’m still tingling from my encounter with my boyfriend’s son, but thankfully it’s balanced by the headache that the same encounter also left me with. What I really needed was a nice quiet day at work, I had a hundred simple tasks that I could do that would take my mind off everything. The last thing I needed was to get an email from Ben.

It said simply this:

Log into the instant chat messenger.

Not even signed. I knew it was from him of course, not least because his name appeared in the sender column, but it was also recog... Continue»

My job working for a temp agency was a lot of fun while I had it. I was
just out of college and looking for work in the film industry, and needed a
way to get myself food and shelter--a couple of luxuries I had grown
accustomed to over the years. The temp job was good for a guy in my
position--I often could pick my own hours, it never got boring (as I rarely
stayed at any one place more than a couple of weeks) and it paid pretty well,
especially since I usually got the higher paying word processing jobs. I
knew my way around computers and could do more with word processing programs
... Continue»

a hot sommerday again and i also hot :
today i`m realy horny again ,
several times can feel my fat cock between my soft hairy legs ,
terribly hungry to make love , passionated long and deep with
a nice sexy and hairy natural woman , there gets wet and horny , like me .
there like to do it several times - in the morning , outdoor , when take shower or where ever we like it to do .
hungry to feel the mans hard dick and happy to feel his hotcum deep inside.....

where are you , the naughy , nyphomanic woman ,
to h... Continue»

want to talk about good sex i had some of the best sex of mylife,there she was my sexual wettt pussied demon ready to release my circular testiclerballs of joy wait, wait , i cant start the story like this!!?!! (from the top)!
talk about good sex I had some of the best sex in my life
i mean she was sexy soft had a low voice and was shy she was more the reserved type she didnt rush things like most,as a matter of fact she wouldnt let me touch her the first night only a kiss on the cheek and i thought to my self she must b one of those types that want a relation ship or somethen to that eff... Continue»

“OK,” Ann said as she bustled about packing her bags. “Now you know what to do and where everything is, don’t you?”
“Yes dear.” I replied. My voice must have given my thoughts away. She came over and stood in front of me.
“And don’t adopt that tone of voice with me Robert,” she said sternly, her smile belying the irritation she was trying to inject. “You know what a useless sod you are without me around to organise you.”
I reached out to slide my hand up the inside of her shapely legs but she pushed it away.
“Don’t think that will help you either,” she said. “I’ll be gone about a wee... Continue»

1. You have a lawnmower repair company on speed dial.

2. Double #1 if they offer 24 hour emergency service.

3. There is a sudden drop in the local sheep population and you can't seem to explain all the bl**dy wool in the house.

4. You go to the local dog park to get dates. And maybe meet some people, too.

5. Oil trucks make weekly deliveries to your home, even though you have gas heat.

6. Hardware store clerks know better than to ask "What sort of project is this for?"

7. You browse through small appliances looking for "inspiration."

8. You have a lifetime ban from dog sho... Continue»

I am way to scared to go dogging and can be a bit shy to go to gay venues but I have needs and as a sub bottom I really do need to be comprehensively shagged; the more often the better.

Some time ago I went to a 'north' London sauna once and when I walked in the door the fellow at the counter asked me if I realised it was a Gay sauna. I am a very straight looking guy and if you thought I was gay you may say a very dominant top, but the truth lies elsewhere.

I told the young fellow that I realised what the establishment provided and after the payment of the obligatory £14 I went in.

I... Continue»