Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 71

Seaman Sam

Hi I’m Sam. Mid 30’s, divorced, six feet tall, short black hair, great legs (if I say so!) and an athletic body, toned through my exercise routines and my sailing. And seven inches of uncut horny cock when engorged!

You see I own a small 4 berth boat and as an income I take people on cruises around the rivers and ports of the south of France. It’s not a big boat, but cosy enough. I go where they want and do what they want. We can stop at ports or beaches, small islands or the mainland. Offshore or on a river.

Mainly the people are of a certain age, shall we say. And the views on the sun ... Continue»
Posted by PurplePal 2 years ago  |  Categories: Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  
768
  |  
100%
  |  1

The masseuse wore pigtails and short summer skirt

I had just finished my work out in the crummy gym near my job and I was feeling sore.I was all sweaty too,even though I had taken a shower.It was upstairs from an even crummier massage parlour,where it was well known that "extras" were available.Well, I had never paid for sexual services in my life,and I wasn't starting now.
But as I walked past the door I could see there was a new girl on the desk.And fuck she was hot.She was Chinese,which rarely did anything for me,but this girl was H.O.T.
She was wearing a school girls uniform,even though she looked about 21.but she had the top 3 or 4 but... Continue»
Posted by jackelaine 1 year ago  |  Categories: Anal, Gay Male, Sex Humor  |  
768
  |  
100%
  |  3

three phases

A f****y is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?'

The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, son, there are three kinds of Boobs. In her 20's, a woman's are like melons, round and firm. In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions'.

'Onions?'

'Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, 'Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?'.

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear, a man goes through three phases. ... Continue»
Posted by dashingboy 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
767
  |  
96%
  |  3

'little s*s' chapter 7

He walked up right as we did. He eyed me up and down like he wanted to eat me. He asked Jason ‘is this going to ruin our friendship. Are you going to treat me like shit because I fucked your girl?’ Jason was honest. He said ‘I love her more than you can ever imagine. But I fucked up so bad she deserves a damn good fuck and total revenge.’ This boy grew up with us. He was in my sixth grade class.

Jason busted out with ‘I popped lauren’s cherry and I was never going to tell her about it. My b*****r ratted me out. You know lauren has treated her like shit even though they were best fucking fri... Continue»
Posted by halinaplays 1 year ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
767
  |  
100%
  |  10

Freshman Felatio 101

It was the fall of my sophomore year in college and I had just moved into a new apartment and I had put up an ad for a room mate to help cover the expenses. A number of girls had called but the one I settled on was a girl named Alicia who was just a freshman but her parents were well to do and she didn't want to live in the dorms. Most of the other girls I either knew by name or reputation and I really didn't want my pad to become party central.

Alicia was a small town girl, who was still dating her high school sweet heart, who was stuck at home attending junior college because he couldn't... Continue»
Posted by oralTcmlvr 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
766
  |  
97%
  |  1

The Pre-Nup Agreement (a Chrissie Conway Story)

The Pre-Nup Agreement


Several years ago one of Kellys' friends had a b*****r who was getting married in Reno and a bunch of us girls
decided we would all get together for a wild weekend reunion. I unfortunately had several of my regular clients to see
on Thursday and Friday afternoon and wouldn't be able to depart for Reno until early Friday evening. Needless to say by
the time I arrived the ladies were already in a crazy celebratory mood. I'd had several drinks on the flight so I wasn't entirely
unprepared once I got to Reno.
I had the valet hire me a taxi and headed for the Cal... Continue»
Posted by chrissieCD 3 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Sex Humor, Shemales  |  
765
  |  
98%
  |  5

Aman fucking maid Fatima




Due to some function my relatives had to visit the native place for two weeks. I didn't joined them coz of my upcoming semester exams....& they left at next morning...I was little happy as I got full freedom to freakout with my friends & to do party......!!! but at same time was unhappy when my relatives told me about fatima that she would disturb my privacy with her routine works.....!!

But managed my mind with that thought. Next morning I was sl**ping till late when she knocked my door......i was still in sl**p....walked in my boxers & opened the door & again felt on bed for sl**p. ... Continue»
Posted by lildudexst 3 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
765
  |  
67%
  |  4

The Audition Part One

And so began my screening interview and my first adventure into the world of adult films. Once I got past all the legal bullshit the questions were kind of fun to answer.

Had I ever had gay sex before?

"Everyone in the room seemed gay and happy about what I was doing to them at the time."

********************************************************************************

There was a guest speaker for the monthly meeting of the Pleasant Town Trans-gender League. This guy was so full of shit it wasn't funny. He supposedly represented someone wanting to do a documentary... Continue»
Posted by loriannthetran 6 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Gay Male, Sex Humor  |  
766
  |  
80%
  |  1

A Fun Saturday Night



Man, what to say. So on Saturday March 30th, I lost half of my virginity. More specifically, I got a handjob. Now, if youre excepting some super erotic story or whatever, this isnt going to be it.

Getting on to the story. In good ole Pensacola, Florida. Me, my friend(who I will just call Scarlet) and her other friend(who I will just call Tessa) went to the park. It was suppose to be just a regular day of goofing off. But Scarlet thought itd be funny to pour soap all over my car. I was already just tired from just playing around on at park, mainly i was light headed becaus... Continue»
Posted by fail1080 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
764
  |  
100%
  |  2

Ex-girlfriend Sarah – exhibitionist story 7

Well, it’s time to really annoy my ex-girlfriend’s new boyfriend, Chris, again, with even more evidence of what an exhibitionist slut she really is.

Sarah and I used to live together in the city of Bath (UK). Some Saturdays we would go to a café for morning coffee, in the city, to read the morning papers. One time we went there, Sarah was wearing a fairly short skirt, certainly above knee-length, which had a bit of a split up one side. We went into an open courtyard of the café, walking down some open, iron steps, almost like a fire escape to get to the tables. At the bottom was a ta... Continue»
Posted by KevinGraves2 2 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
763
  |  
100%

Jane

June 1977:

It is probably plainly obvious this is 100% true, but just in case:

" The following is 100% true"




I used to work on Broad Street in Birmingham, in a building that is now a Travel Lodge. It was mostly
drinking, sl**ping and shagging that went on there, when it was our office, so it was probably a logical step.

Over the road was a pub, named at various timed the Granville and The Westward Ho, but it is now O'Neills.
This was the place that the staff drank at lunchtimes, and after work.

If you knew the manager it meant you could stay all afternoon, when t... Continue»
Posted by DrVonWankenstein 1 month ago  |  Categories: First Time, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
763
  |  
100%
  |  1

The Hot Affair

Tossing and turning on the bed; she found that sl**p would not come to her, as her mind was full of vivid memories of the days fun they had just enjoyed. A smile came across her face as she remembered each detail of their Anniversary dinner. Choosing a more private affair than most they had decided to go to the local park with a blanket. Once there she realised there was no food. Arching an eyebrow questioning at him he had laughed, pulled her down onto the blanket, lifted her skirt and started to lick and suck her clit. Every so often lifting his head to insert a finger into her wet pulsin... Continue»
Posted by craigus44 1 year ago  |  Categories: Anal, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
761
  |  
100%

How I did LSD & lost my virginity for the firs

This is my first story so constructive criticism please, if you like this I will post more stories from my strange & crazy life. This is a true story, happened to me in the summer of 05' best day of my life.


So first the stats, you fellow story readers seam to enjoy them. The girl in this story Rachel is/was 1/2 Puerto Rican 1/2 Mulatto, 5'4" maybe 125lbs, Curvy, a nice handful of tits & a rock hard ass that went on for days. I was & still am, 1/2 irish 1/2 mexican, 5'9" 144lbs very skinny yet toned from lack of body fat, I'm a grower not a shower, at 9inches when erect & I'm cut... Continue»
Posted by dayzicle 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  
760
  |  
95%
  |  1

How to tell if you would be a good pornstar

STRAIGHT MALE EDITION

Every Straight Male thinks they're able to do porn

1. Are you capable of cumming more than once ? not that you will really need to but just in case you happen to get over excited around female performers you wont explode and then have nothing else left in the arsenal.

2. How are your athletic skills ? its one thing to be in a gangbang edge yourself and wait till its your turn to jizz, but its another thing when you have to penetrate another performer in full speed without getting out of breath and stopping.Porn stars usually go half and hal... Continue»
Posted by guess1tw3ll 4 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
760
  |  
100%
  |  1

A Happy Thanksgiving With My Cousin

This story is completely fictional!

It had been a few months since I had seen my cousin Sara and when she got to my house for thanksgiving I was stunned at how sexy she looked. Since I had seen her last, she had cut her hair and more importantly developed a nice set of tits. Not too big and not too small, just perfect for a track runner like she was. She had a slim body but perfect ass which I loved to stare at. When everyone arrived I took their coats and threw them on my bed, Sara came with me and threw a few coats down too. She commented on how messy my room was and laughed when she s
... Continue»
Posted by faddy02 5 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
759
  |  
88%
  |  6

Blame It on the Water

by scribbleskillz



Two hours ago, it was a good day.

I was with my parents out for a weekend of scuba diving and sun tanning off the coast of Catalina. A much needed weekend of relaxation brought to us through spontaneous means (my pops had cracked a screw and instead of a sports car for his mid-life crisis, he bought a rather big yacht). And so we'd been enjoying the sun after a nice afternoon dive. Armed with margaritas and not a care in the world. That is what I call blissful.

Thirty minutes ago, we received the warning.

Any good sailor knows to check the weather reports ... Continue»
Posted by Erocus 5 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
759
  |  
99%
  |  3

In The Hallway

My doorbell rings and I rush to the hallway. My heart leaps into my throat, my pulse quickens and my skin becomes moist. I have been waiting for you, here in my house, for so long. Now you have come and I can hardly wait for you to enter. I stand at the back of the long hall, itching to rush to the door and loving the exquisite prolongation of this moment, my body becoming weaker, my love for you becoming stronger.

From my warm secret hiding place deep in the dark of my house I see your silhouette through the frosted glass. You press your nose to it and you see nothing but shadow. Already ... Continue»
Posted by IrmaCerrutti 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
759
  |  
50%

Fully Dressed

Have you and another given each other a mind blowing orgasm while fully dressed???????????????

I worked in this kitchen in Fl. and there was this waitress that would always brush her large tits and plump ass against me when ever she would pass me in the kitchen area. So we talked flirtatiously to one another for about two weeks.

One night out back taking a break she comes out and we get into a heated conversation. She noticed I had a massive hard-on and she said "I wish I could ride that cock right now". I had on a pair of loose chef pants; she had on a pair of black tight cotton/polyest... Continue»
Posted by Gehld 4 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
758
  |  
90%
  |  3

turning the tables on dad

Turning the tables on dad
Growing up all I ever heard was, "As long as you live under my roof you'll do as I say, young man!" Yeah my Father was very strict. Up until the time I moved out of his house, at age 22, I had to toe the line or accept the punishment. Punishment was always the same. Dad would make me strip to my briefs with my hands at my sides as he lectured me. Then I'd have to lie across his lap and take some hard swats on my brief covered ass. Eventually he'd pull down my briefs exposing my round bare ass completely. He'd then go to work spanking my bare butt--usually until he br... Continue»
Posted by doctor27 4 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
757
  |  
70%
  |  2

The Changing Room - Strange Relationship Version X

Caitlin’s log: Sunday, 10 a.m. I’m lying in bed with a terrible, nagging ache. You’d be forgiven for thinking I’d gone ten rounds with a Cabernet Sauvignon, but you’d be wrong. The ache was spiritual rather than physical, the apocalyptic realisation that for the third night running I’d lain awake for hours before falling asl**p, contemplating all manner of things related to re-igniting my sex life. See? That’s what I keep doing, dressing the issue up in euphemisms – “re-igniting my sex life”, “putting the excitement back into my... Continue»
Posted by ChrisTracy 6 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
756
  |  
57%
  |  2