Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 70
A man walks into a d**g store with his 8-year-old son. They happen to
walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"
The man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men
use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see," replied the boys pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in
health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of three and asks,
"Why are there three in this package."
The dad replies, "Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one
for Saturday, and one for Sunday."
"Cool!" says the boy. He notices a pac... Continue»
The Naughty neighbor affair...
The apartment was all quiet ,I was home all alone for the day.. I was wandering what
I could do to keep my self entertained? Hmmm I thought "Booty call" I decided
to text my neighbor since he was off work and see if he was tied up with the wife
or see if he had some free time for some fun... fingers crossed.. he was was free
and he could stop by ... my body began to tingle with anticipating his reply ,
than my phone buzzed and he said yeah he was free he stop by after lunch
which certainly put a smile on my face, so I went up and ... Continue»
(Based on fact but mostly fiction. Hope you enjoy.)
After the longest week I could remember, I came home to drown my sorrows with a long, hot shower. I stripped down and stepped in, feeling my cares begin to melt away under the hot droplets cascading down my body. As I slowly soaped out the aches and pains from my tired muscles I suddenly decided to see if I could get in a session with my massage ther****t. This would just be what the ther****t ordered, so to speak, after such a long week.
I tried to call but there was no response. Damn. When that happens it usually means they are busy... Continue»
Before shaving your ass hair, READ THIS
STOP! Before you do, read this. You may change your mind.
I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to all though tasteless, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble pooping. No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique.
It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I ... Continue»
ok so back in 05 i made a myspace. didnt know what it was or how to use it but all my friends had 1 so i wanted one to. i had it for about a month or 2, and girls just seemed 2 love me on there. another month goes by and thats when i figured out how easy it was 2 hook up with girls on myspace, if u had the right kinda game. so i send a friend request to a local model/singer(most girls on myspace are) and she accepted it and sent me a message before i could even try and spit my game at her. she was 5'11 127lbs with long black hair. she didnt have to much of an ass but the most perfect brea... Continue»
This is the mostly true story of how I lost my finger at work in a tragic yet humorous accident. It is up to you the reader to decide which parts are true, which parts are humorous and which parts I'm just blowing smoke up your ass.
It was a Monday like any other Monday, but this Monday was special. It was Sewards day. Just to refresh your memories, Sewards day is celebrated (in Alaska anyway) for the purchase of Alaska from those Godless commies bastards, the Russians. Trust me when I say they are kicking themselves for letting it go so cheap. In Alaska it is widely celebrated mos... Continue»
-------- European Closeness --------
I met an older but very attractive woman, Tascha, at a local shopping center. Her middle European accent, exotic looks, and damned good figure and legs caught my attention, and I did my very best big strong young soldier act on her, helping to reach an item on a top shelf for her. I pulled the old gag about being an ignorant bachelor, not knowing what to select for supper. Smiling, she joined me in shopping and helped me fill my cart, making suggestions for easy to fix, tasty, good meals. We found ourselves getting along very well, and she invited me... Continue»
So we up anchored or at least unstrung the thing from the pontoon and with the diesel throbbing, off we set. Now me I ain`t no sailor, so this was to be a hit and miss affair, health and safety would have a kitten if they knew. Mandy and I had won the lottery and on an impulse had bought a cruiser, yes I know, daft wasn`t it. Anyway, we needed to get the thing home and my persuasive misses, Mandy, had convinced me that midsummer, flat sea and it would be a breeze to get back to Essex, from Brighton if we took a can or two of fuel and our road map, kept the coast in sight and wandere... Continue»
it all starts in the morning. i wake up and i need it bad. i manage to make it to work on time. it take so much will power to do anything. it's more like ignoring how much my body wants it. i day dream about writing. but i do want to make a connection. i hope someone picks this up. i'm trying to make you see, be here with me. naked on my chair. i want it to be real for you. i'm hard, on and off. my asshole is so aroused from the cold wood chair. my arm pits are a little sweaty. i like writing about my biggest turn ons. in great detail. but maybe you want to hear something real? there's plenty ... Continue»
This was to be my first time at the 'party' I didn't know exactly what was involved but I knew it was a privalige to be invited. I had provided a certificate from the clinic to say that I was free of sexual diseases and another to show that I was using birth control. Finally I had signed an agreement, although I wasnt sure what I was agreeing to as I wasn't alowed to read it.
So now I stood nervously before the table. Three people faced me, two men and in the middle a woman I didn't know. She spoke
"As we have a new member there will be only one name in the bowl... Continue»
In my younger days, I was a decent amateur photographer. Once, when a friend got married she asked me to take her pictures. I agreed to do them for free if she bought the film. Neither f****y had much money and she readily agreed. Her future spouse came from a f****y where both mother and father had c***dren by previous marriages as well as some together. Except for the future groom, all were girls and all from 16 years old and up.Again, to save money, the mothers bought material and started sewing the dresses for the bridesmaids, most of whom were the groom's s****rs. They chose a bright for... Continue»
So I think everybody has a hot story to tell but most dont want to go through the bother of writting it out in great detail. So what I propose is this - in no more than 5 sentences share your most horny, most shocking sex story as a comment below. Gay, straight, young, old, something you done or something you seen, your best time, your first time, friends, f****y or strangers - share your story and make someone horny!!!... Continue»
I love Venice Beach,CA. When ever I have a couple of bucks to blow I will take turns vacationing either there
or Vegas (they're both pretty close to Phoenix). Shan6969, my ex and now periodical fuckbuddy, digs Venice
as well. I can't count how many times we visited there when we were an "item". Shan6969 lives back east and
always comes in town unexpected ready to fuck. This time was no different. Her call woke me up Friday at 1:22 a.m.
SHAN6969: "Wake up you big black dicked mother fucker!.....Mama's in town"
BOIDYNHO: "Oh dear gawd...what th"
Standing only in my red lace panties, brushing my teeth, I wipe the fog from the bathroom mirror.
Looking into the mirror, I see you step from the shower, give me a smile and a wink, then turn away from me to reach for a towel.
I can’t help but notice your sexy physique and your sweet tight buns. I swiftly turn and give your ass cheek a hard slap. Your hips thrust forward as your shoulders push back. You whirl around, with a scowl on your face.
Still brushing my teeth, I innocently tilt my head from side to side and shrug my shoulder a little as if to say “what?” Without sa... Continue»
It is a very warm summerday and we are go hiking. Walking behind the house up the mountain and the sun is burning on our skins. We walk along the paths and between the trees. After 2 hours we pass a house and move on after half an hour we arrive at a canyon. For our luck there is a plank bridge so we can go over the canyon. But when we arrive at half the bridge we stop and enjoy the good few from the mountain into the vale. You stand there and I was behind you. Feeling a little like having fun I grab your one hand with mine and bound you on one of the ropes of the bridge. With the other I grab... Continue»
As the title says this is not exactly a sex story. Before I start this story, I want to tell a few things about myself. People call me different. I take it as an compliment. Some call me a sexual fanisizer, again thanks for the compliment. I never feel akward talking about sex with anyone. Rather I feel comfortable. I have no issues speaking with girls. I mingle with everyone. This is all u need to know.
I had crushes on many girls right from my college days and its always been a sexual desire. I watch porn every... Continue»
well let me tell you about lee my uncles ex and the mother of cindy his daughter wich sort of makes her my aunt but they didn't get married.
were talking 5ft6" brunnete large brown eye"s cant describe them as tit's
more like humongous boobs we are past dd i think they were at least f cups a
genuine bbw just awsome.
well lets start the story.
well im asl**p well sort of hafway to waking up.
ah yes the usual morning hardon the painfull morning missile.
i release the bastard from my jocks ah thats better but not quite.
i chuck the covers of yes much better give the bugger a couple of s... Continue»
A priest blesses a couple for their wedding. The next day the priest meets the wife in the shopping center alone. He asked "Where is your husband?", and she replied i left him back home because he prefers to watch TV sports.
The priest asked again, are you going back to him sooner or later? The wife said yes, i can't leave without him.
The priest looked and smiled in a funny way just to say "You get married one day, leave your spouse next, try to get back to fuck your spouse and possibly do that all over again".
That is why as a priest, the nun to stay committed to whatever i want from spir... Continue»
Just left a bomb party with a celeb party. Fucked this guy in the bathroom. His wife was outside. Made him cum back to back with my fat wet juicy sloppy pussy. He said his wife has never made him do that. I sucked his dick while stroking it with my tougue as I rubbed his balls. I then began to suck his balls while jacking him off. He panted and panted as I licked his balls. What white balls he had...hahaha.. he said he always wanted a black bitch.. my mouth got juicy when he said that. Made him cum so hard it skeeted hard all over my face. O got it up again by rubbing his balls gently, I lai... Continue»
After a yr of being with my wife I confessed to her about my sph, she actually took to it very well and was glad I brought it up as she has always thought it was tiny and didn't know how to tell me, we often talk about it and situations where I would be stood naked in front of a bunch of her friends with them all pointing and laughing at my small c*ck on one of her girly nights, we would try and plan a night where that would happen but always chicken out. I also wanted her to tell her friends and female relatives but she was too embarrassed about being with a guy with a small c*ck BUT when sh... Continue»