Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 69

Perverted Jokes

Introduction: These are funny,perverted, and just wrong all at the same time.

A Penis Study

In 1991, Duke University funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $180,000.00, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the Man more pleasure during sex. After Duke published the study, Stanford decided to do their own study. After three years of research and $250,000.00, they concluded that the reason was to give the Woman more pleasure during sex. The University of Wisconsin, unsatisfied with the... Continue»
Posted by PornApocalypse 1 year ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 502  |  
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Our Trinidad Birthday Lime

All day I'm nervous and can hardly concentrate, cause I am not sure what to expect later that night.....

I get dressed in a pair of jeans and a fitted brown colored top that gives a nice view of my breasts. I swoop my hair up (for the adult look) and put on some comfortable shoes and grab a matching bag. Before I leave the room I survey myself in the mirror..."damn, i do look good", I thought.

I walk out to the living room to meet my darling. I can see him looking at me and I can almost hear him thinking, "damn"!!! I walk up to him and he touches my left cheek and tilts my head upward,... Continue»
Posted by hd3636 2 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 501  |  
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First time FAIL

6/13/2012 *name used pseudonyms, but based on true events*

One of my friends, Brad, was having a kickback. Nothing major Him 3 other friends me and our female friend in the group Veronica. SO as you can imagine from a bunch of game artists and programmers it was a pretty standard night. Video games, beer, music, a comic book argument about Before Watchmen which almmost came to blows and so on. 2 of the guys left early around 11 p.m. because they had work in the morning. Leaving Veronica, Brad, Tyrone, and myself. Tyrone had the most to drink that night and violated the alcoholics sacred hym... Continue»
Posted by GamerDick 1 year ago  |  Categories: First Time, Group Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 501  |  
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Guilt vs Pleasure..only a dream

I woke up this morning all in disarray...my heart was beating ten to the dozen..my massive bosoms were heaving..my skin was all clammy!! I knew it was not true...
You see...I had this dream...an amazing dream that sent me into another world..I was walking along the forest..near our farm..just silly lonely aul me..and I felt I was being watched...the hairs on my arm and the nape of my neck stood on edge...I quickened my pace but ears all a-listening...As I got to the clearing..he was standing there...waiting..looking at me...no words spoken..just this cheeky grin on his rugged face...The day w... Continue»
Posted by 23yummytitties 11 months ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 501  |  2

The Hitch Hiker - Short Story

Jack Straw, 35, single forever, sales-man for stockings, lacy lingery and condoms, travels more miles through the lonely country than any one of us - it is his job! He doesn't meet many women on his long and dusty way through the outback, but he certainly longs for the once-in-a-lifetime encounter with a lady that will fulfill all his secret dreams!

Here I am once again on this endless and winding road through the deserted country side. The six cylinder motor of my old station wagon is humming comfortably under the broad bonnet as I ride along with seventy miles an hour. I am traveling li... Continue»
Posted by sushicook 3 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 500  |  
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the dream i wish cum true

one night i had a dream. it started with me and my friend. we was in my bedroom talking about girls we would like to fuck. but he didn't know i was gay. so just talk for a long time. but it was getting late so choose to go to bed. but i couldn't sl**p. so i reach in my boxers and play with my 5.5 dick thinking about my friend. i never seem him nude. but i been thinking about it. well i got scare when i heard a noise. i look up and saw my friend watching. he ask me what i was thinking about and i said you. he smile and said i'm not gay but i will let you suck me and then i will fuck you. i got ... Continue»
Posted by lovedicks678 1 year ago  |  Categories: Anal, Gay Male, Sex Humor  |  Views: 500  |  
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The names James Hard-On Part IV

This is the James Hard-on series continuing epic :P (Read earlier ones if you want to help follow story)


Jessica Chastity and James Hard-on sat in the car in pure silence. She started to get uncomfortable.

"So what happened in there? With Willy I mean?" said Jessica.

"Let's just say he was a great prick and I gave him something that took him down in size."

I winked at her. Gosh I LOVE puns!

"I don't think he will think of bothering you or other women anymore with his extreme piggishness."

"Oh. Thanks? I guess."

"Hmm. I have a feeling we aren't really having much chemistr... Continue»
Posted by damlovmature 3 months ago  |  Categories: Gay Male, Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 500  |  
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"Mostly" Ghostly

Have you ever had a really bad day?

I mean a real shitfest!

Where things go from bad to worse in the blink of an eye?

First, I got fired.

Then I got dumped

And last but certainly not least, I died!

So to recap, Fired, Dumped, Dead...bummer!

You might be asking yourself..."Jack, how does a moderately healthy guy just this side of Thirty die" Well "self" maybe next time you'll unplug the toster before you try to pry out a Pillsbury Toaster Strudle with a butterknife...while high.

So yeah I got zapped with 50,000 volts and died alone in my underwear and a Spice World T-... Continue»
Posted by Johnny_Lee_Miller 1 year ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Taboo, Voyeur  |  Views: 498  |  
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a special

Walking down the street, thinking i gotta go forbidden planet to get some comics, when i walk past this shop i normally walk past to check for those "massage" adverts in the window. I see one, and call it and esquire about prices.

So i ring, and a Eastern European female voice answers and gives me the details, and the location, and immediately my plans change and start heading to this location as its nearby. Turns out this place is a pub which she directed me to, so i call again and she said someone will be outside to meet me, and take me in, this was very random and some guy directing me ... Continue»
Posted by SirWanksAlot247 1 year ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Taboo, Voyeur  |  Views: 498  |  
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WOMEN = Gold Diggers

EVERY SINGLE WOMAN in this world is a gold digger... Why on earth do you think 60 year old wrinkly fat bald men get 21 year old girls? Its called MONEY!!!!

I had this conversation with a woman recently. She is so stupid that she contradicted herself and showed us how much of an idiot she is which she did not even realize. She has a profile here on xhamster here is the link => /user/trinityvixxxen .Why I am sharing this with you all? Because, I hate it when sex requires the person to buy it.I am posting the conversation here..Please post comments I am looking forward to your views.

... Continue»
Posted by ipwnu 1 month ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 498  |  
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Squashed out - Short Story

Jodie Marie, 22, freshly engaged with a car mechanic, is a simple woman. She likes to cook, to cuddle, and she certainly likes to make love. And because she has a boyfriend and seems to be well maintained by him, her fantasies are sometimes reflecting the realm of the unknown, the appetite for something new - and include sometimes even a woman:

I'm loosing the damned game! I hit the rubber ball harder, but with every mistake I make her grin grows broader. She is a friend of my mother, about her age, but still fit and not bad looking, but she is a bl**dy lesbian, playing with all the young... Continue»
Posted by sushicook 3 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 495  |  
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The Wonderfully Naughty Wizard of Oz (Chapter 3)

Dorothy and Ku-Klip got up off the yellow brick road and held hands walking back to his cabin when they saw smoke. They started to run and Dorothy looked on shocked as she watched her clothes going up in flames. Ku-Klip ran up and grabbed her clothes and thew them to the ground stomping them out but it was too late.

"I'm sorry Dorothy. It must have been one of the flames jumped up and caught a piece of your clothes".

Dorothy just stood there naked. Shocked to see clothes her Aunt had made for her, destroyed.

Ku-Klip went up looking down at her," Here wrap this apron around you and g... Continue»
Posted by teflonsamurai 2 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 495  |  
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Last night

Last night I found my mark. The person who I was taking home with me and fucking all night long. I love a challenge and am most often successful. Luckily tonight, it's a woman. I've had too much dick this week and have been dying to taste some pussy. Standing at the end of the bar in a dress, I found out later that she made, was "D." She had several visible tattoes, long white legs, and the most plump bottom lip I almost instantly sucked. It didn't take long to get her into the bathroom. Needed some more information before I wasted my time; like can she use that bottom... Continue»
Posted by biblonde30 3 years ago  |  Categories: Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 494  |  
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Fun After Flu

A few weeks ago Wifey came home from work she announced to me that she was feeling as horny as hell!. Due to a being downed with a huge dose of the 'flu from hell' I'd been neglecting her for a couple of weeks or three, consequently she was now feeling pretty much deranged with sexual need. Thinking about sex all day while she was at work she'd decided to run the gauntlet of catching the last dregs of my flu by shamelessly seducing me when she came home .

Seemingly unsure of how to proceed she finally threw caution to the wind and came to sit close by me as I sat on the sette... Continue»
Posted by stimslut 2 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 494  |  
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Lovers

The moment her soft, trimmed blonde mound came into view, I ran my mouth over it, and she whimpered loudly. I was surprised at how wet she already was – her slit glistened openly, her hips lifting slightly even at that gentle touch. I couldn't help looking up at her with my mouth poised over her. She was watching me. There was open desire in her eyes now, and her nipples were visibly hard.

Then my mind re-focused on that detail, as my eyes wandered downward, drinking in the sight of Diane's beautiful naked body for the first time. Creamy shoulders, high, firm, smooth breasts with tight, dar... Continue»
Posted by Irish-Sally 1 year ago  |  Categories: Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 494  |  
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The Devil And The Golfer

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a
couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself, "I'd give anything to
sink this next putt."
A stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a fourth
of your sex life?"
The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be
meaningless but also that perhaps this is a good omen and will put him
in the right frame of mind to make the difficult putt and says, "OK."
And sinks the putt.
Two holes later he mumbles to himself, "Boy, if I could only get an
eagle on this hole."
The same stranger ... Continue»
Posted by papa61 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 493  |  
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DrPervy's Pussy Eating 101

Now this is 4 the niggas that eat pussy (or at least try to lol).......let me start off by sayin there is a rite & wrong way to eat pussy.....if a girl ever say it hurt while you eatin her out you doin sumthin wrong (how you can make it hurt idk....but sum females have told me that sum niggas made they pussy hurt while they was eatin it lol).....now you cant juss move your tongue up &down & actually think you doing sumthin cuz you not especially if you not in the rite spots....take it from a pro ((ME)).....movin your tongue up & down is borin.....you gotta go from side to side & vibrate yo ton... Continue»
Posted by DrPervy 2 years ago  |  Categories: Lesbian Sex, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  Views: 493  |  
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Birthday Girl

It is the nicest day of the summer and I am stuck inside a shopping mall looking for a birthday gift for my girlfriend. After wandering around aimlessly for an hour, I make a full circle back to the cosmetic section. It is more than obvious that I am out of my element. The customer-service people threw me a glance as they were all carried together in conversation. Their faces wore badges of disgust with a thought bubble that didn't include any characters in the customer-service manual.

The best gift for my best girl did not come flying off of the shelf. I needed to get creative. I take a lo... Continue»
Posted by thump22 1 year ago  |  Categories: Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 493  |  
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Cuckold Excitment

My wife has cuckolded me our entire marrage. I enjoy when she allows me to watch but to be honest I enjoy hearing her tell me about one of her encounters even more. This story is one she and I had a few days ago. We where invited to the company she works for Christmas party. It was semiformal , I wore a tie and jacket and she wore a little black dress. She has great legs and she really loves to show them off every chance she gets. The dress had short sleaves and was low cut in the front , just low enough that with her pushup bra she had two beautiful round 34 B tits on display. But what real... Continue»
Posted by woreout 2 months ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Hardcore, Shemales  |  Views: 493  |  
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Love in a Elevator

I had been working with D&O Inc. for three years. My office was on the sixteenth floor of the Federal Building downtown. Last week I almost missed the elevator when a beautiful woman held it for me. I recognized her from accounting her name was Tess; she had long dark brown hair, and big brown eyes. I thanked her as I got in the elevator but I wasn't sure she even knew who I was.

"Hello, my name is Tess," she said in a deep voice, eagerly extending her hand in friendship. Her perfume filled the elevator. The smell of her was so enticing it started to give me a boner. "Yes I know, I'v... Continue»
Posted by rime923091 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 492  |  
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