Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 69

Eve (A true story...OK, maybe not)

Going back in time to give the first woman her first orgasm...hey, somebody had to do it...

Eve (A true story...OK, maybe not)

Hello people. Hope you are doing well out there in Fantasy Land. What, you say you are not in Fantasy Land? Oh you will be soon. Don't worry, because we are going deep into Fantasy Land. So deep, we may never return. And believe me, you will go to Fantasy Land with me. Even if I have to pick you up and sling you over my shoulder. So come with me, to Fantasy Land.

It all started innocently enough one fine day back in the eighties. If you recall f... Continue»
Posted by Exakta66 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 606  |  
93%
  |  2

Cum cuisine excerpt

Planning to expand the story out more for future publication

My husband is a picky eater. Well, I take that back, he is a finicky, superstituous, overtly paranoid and down right trippy eater. The steak has to have the right amount of seasonings in it or he won't eat a bite.
Eggs have to be fried until they look, feel, and taste like rubber. Sweets can't be too sweet, but loads of chocolate on a sweet is ok. The fish can ONLY be wild caught, not farm raised (which had me hunting all over the beaches for a local fish market).
And his coffee? Freshly roasted and brewed each morning ... Continue»
Posted by juniysa 3 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  Views: 605  |  
98%
  |  6

Lets Meet

WE TALKED ON THE PHONE AND YOU SOUNDED NERVOUS....TALKING MUCH SHIT TO A GIRL.....TELLING ME WHAT ALL YOU WOULD DO TO THE PUSSY..IM LIKE YEAH RIGHT ANOTHER MAN TELLING ME THAT THEY ARE GOING TO HIT IT LIKE IT NEED TO BE HITTED....

SO I SAT THERE LISTENING TO YOU BLOW ALL THIS STEAM OUT OF YOUR MOUTH...THEN FINALLY I ASK YOU WAS YOU THROUGH USING UP YOUR ENERGY TALKING...YOU SAID HUH...I SAID ARE YOU THROUGH USING UP ALL OF YOUR ENERGY TALKING....

YOU ASK ME WHY..I SAY TO YOU PUT UP OR SHUT UP...PUT YOUR MONEY WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS....YOU GOT QUIET....I SAY DONT GET QUIET NOW...YOU WAS TALK... Continue»
Posted by ladytrucka42 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 606  |  
96%
  |  7

USE ME


My head pulled back, your hand in my hair holding my head stiff.
The position designed to create it im possible for me to resist, you want to take me your way and I must obey..


I'm bent over with my kness on the bed,my legs parted wide...my hands tied at the wrists between my legs, the long rope trailing down the length of the bed.
"Uh.....UH.....UH......UH......UH.......UH......UH" All that can be heard from my mouth as you ride me brutally. I feel my body vibrating with the f***e of the thrusts, my tits and ass dancing like jelly.


"Fuck, your Pussy's tight..Take this..."
I... Continue»
Posted by jadeandjasmin 2 years ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 604  |  
96%
  |  7

Advice for you men...er, BOYS

When I was younger, before I had my male cherry taken by a beautiful, sweet, caring, and VERY patient woman (Did I mention BEAUTIFUL? They're ALL beautiful in their own way!)I was like a blind, starving dog in a meat house! When you're not getting it, oftentimes you just want to rip her clothes off and jam that thing right into her quick! Get it in, get it out! "It won't hurt, did it?!" Nah, hah, hay!! It's like when you want to get a car loan: you aren't gonna get it unless you really don't need it! Same with getting laid. The best luck I ever had as a pussy magnet was just AFTER I ma... Continue»
Posted by Volfy 2 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 604  |  
100%
  |  7

Asian Cum Slut

The night I met Mei in a London club, she was dressed the way you see in
Japanese anime. I told her, and she got all offended since she was Chinese,
and anyway she could not understand what I meant, or so she claimed.

She had on high heeled boots, knee high socks the kind you'll see matched
with schoolgirl uniforms, a chequered plaid skirt that barely covered her
ass, and a white shirt that could barely contain her immense 38E bust.
She looked obscene - breasts that size on a chink, especially one not more
than 5'1 or 5'2 that couldn't be a day over 18 just accentuated the
anime-girl... Continue»
Posted by pornofiend 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 604  |  
83%
  |  11

Self Service

(With a little help, he sucks his own cock)

After reading some erotic stories from men who enjoy eating their own cum, I was very aroused, though I've never been much into that. I never even like kissing my wife after she gave me head. For some reason I just couldn't shake these thoughts.

One day after reading some very hot stories, I needed to jerk off. In one of the stories a man sucked his woman's pussy after she had just been fucked by 2 other guys. This got me wondering again if maybe I was missing something, so I decided to try tasting my own jiz.

However, after I came, this des... Continue»
Posted by KingAmir 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  Views: 603  |  
90%
  |  4

English Pastimes (A day at the races)

Well a good day out at the races never fails to get me horny,the Sport of Kings,
watching horses run round a track is fascinating, I am usually lucky and win my stake back by the end of the day.
But I really go for the spectacle, Ladies Day at Royal Ascot is excellent for people watching, get to wear a hat,generally be elegant and a lady for the day.
Well until the Champers hits my heels.
It was at such an occasion I was recruited for the Pony Club, I am the Strawberry Blonde who actually believes they have taken the word gullible out of the English Dictionary.
So I will begin...

Stand... Continue»
Posted by DiamondLife 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 602  |  
100%
  |  2

To Be Kneaded Like This Was GREAT!!

I am a 61 year old man living in Florida who has always been healthy and rarely ever sees a doctor. However, about 6 months ago I had an auto accident that caused an injury to my neck. After my surgery, part of my recovery included physical therapy and massage therapy. I found a good physical ther****t and worked out diligently 3 times per week. After a week of working out and feeling a bit tight I remembered the massage script and checked the phone book and one ad caught my eye. There was a ther****t not even 5 miles from my home so I called and made my first massage appointment. However, the... Continue»
Posted by Margar 2 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  Views: 600  |  
90%

Meeting up

Role-play time again! Fetishist fantasy only, sixth-form student over the age of consent, nothing else implied. Apart from that, zip down, get a grip and let's go.

It's after-school time and we've been exchanging some really filthy texts all day, mostly anatomically unlikely or downright unhygenic, and we're both in need of some extra-curricular activity before going home. We arrange to meet in the park, it’s got lots of secluded areas but there are always people passing through so there’s an element of danger should we decide to get up to anything naughty … which is why we’re there reall... Continue»
Posted by mariewilliams 2 months ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor  |  Views: 599  |  
100%
  |  5

A Surprise BJ

"Oh my God! That girl's booty is SO fat!" laughed Rico as Elyse walked by. "You think you can get with that, T? Elyse Greer is the FINEST girl at Sanctuary High School. If you got with her, you would be top dog around here."





Those words stuck with me all my junior and senior years of high school. Elyse really was one of the most beautiful girls at SHS, but that is not why she was the most desirable; guys wanted her because they couldn't have her. Elyse was a good girl in the body every bad girl wanted. She had the most perfect DD tits that would make Pam Anderson cry and butt so jui... Continue»
Posted by ballzyturtl 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 598  |  
89%
  |  2

Sarah and Daniela


This piece is a chapter extracted from my novel "Toggenburg" a lesbian love story set in the mountains of Switzerland which I've posted in case any Xhamster reader might enjoy it.


Toggenburg Thirty.

“We are going to get wet!” declared Sarah firmly. It was a fair analysis as she and Daniela stood huddled in the doorway of the Hotel Toggenburg contemplating the wretched weather before them. It was still raining heavily and the wind was blowing the sheets of rain around in a bewildering variety of directions. Umbrellas promised to be hazardous accessories ra... Continue»
Posted by Mikebasil 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 598  |  
100%
  |  4

Peter's Pointer

It was nearly midnight and Molly was bored out of her mind. Her friend Peter was here and he insisted that she took the bed. It was extremely hot out but that didn't seem to bother Peter. They chatted about school and parents for awhile until Peter changed the conversation to relation ships...
"So who's the lucky guy that gets to spend lunch with you?" asked Peter mockingly.
"Peter shut up.. you know I don't have a boyfriend.. and what about you and Sarah?" Tutted Molly with a hint of jealousy. Peter laughed and said something about breaking up with her a couple days ago but something else ... Continue»
Posted by sluef 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 597  |  
85%
  |  1

The learning curve

The learning curve
This story is based on an e mail I received from a “friend” who swore it was a true episode, her husband of two years, she reported as being; a “ half empty oil can and a brick short of a full load as well!”
As a blush saving exercise we will refer to him as Nigel and her as Tina, they live in a modern brick semi detached suburban estate, known locally as filofax ally, full of bottom rung wanabee stockbrokers.
He, Nigel came from well bred stock with money, and had been sent to the city to learn a trade, probably to get him away from home, not bright enough to dri... Continue»
Posted by alibodge 2 months ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  Views: 594  |  
100%
  |  1

Waiting For A Chance With Mom




Hi i am Karthi age 23 i am complete my B.Tech n job searching. Right now i got a problem so please tell me friends how can i solve this.

I am living with mom because my dad doing job in another city. So me n mom are staying my home my dad visits every 2 weeks. My mom is very beautiful n 5.6’ height. I had one habit that is when my mom doing bath in bathroom then i am peeping through the ventilator to saw her nude body. I am doing this act in last 3 years. But one day, mom doing bath in bathroom and that time i am peeping
... Continue»
Posted by bava12 5 months ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 594  |  
100%

Dancing with Danger

by Milliemoon



"So you can see my problem. I know you are usually busy on Friday nights but I just wondered..."

My mom, Sandra, seemed to run out of steam and sat back heavily on the sofa as I stood and looked at her.

"You want me to go with you to your company's annual dinner and dance?"

I guess the astonishment sounded in my voice because she shook her head.

"No, no, it's ok, I'll see if Jean can come with me."

Jean was my mother's best friend, a lovely lady, but somehow not the best partner for a posh do.

"You don't have to ask Jean, I would love to com... Continue»
Posted by Erocus 3 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 594  |  
100%
  |  3

Sexy story to Armoprince66@yahoo mountain dew

Now for your listening pleasure i made up a song for you all...a NEW SONG FOR U SING ALONG NOW EVERYBODY....IF YOU ARE HORNY AND YOU KNOW IT CLAP YOUR HANDS ...IF YOU ARE HORNY AND YOU KNOW IT CLAP YOUR HANDS ....IF YOUR HORNY AND YOU KNOW IT THEN YOUR FACE WILL SURELY SHOW IT...IF YOUR HORNY AND YOU KNOW IT CLAP YOUR HANDS..CLAP CLAP THANK YOU, THANK YOU... HAHAHA... LOL... FUNNY SH-T FOR SURE... CAN YOU SEE THAT BEING PLAYED WITH THE HOKIE POKIE AT THE SKATING RING HAHAHAHA HOW WAS THAT BOYS AND GIRLS HEHEHEHAHAHAHA!!!! Full service provider no greek IN THE GRECIAN LANGUAGE OF REDBOOK THAT M... Continue»
Posted by notreasonusa 1 year ago  |  Categories: Gay Male, Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 591  |  
50%

Bathroom Break

~Bathroom Break~

Karl walks into the bathroom in his school with his head hung down at the white tiles on the floor. He raises his head and turns toward the urinals. Karl gives off a small sigh as he takes out his semi - hard dick.

"What I wouldn't do for some dick right now." Karl said to himself while flushing his self out. Karl was admiring his soft light caramel skin in the mirror, when he then heard a soft moan coming out of the light gray stall. He chuckled to himself thinking it was just his imagination, since... Continue»
Posted by femboii 2 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, First Time, Sex Humor  |  Views: 590  |  
100%
  |  1

The first day to school, part 1.

The first day to school, where I really do not feel like after that wonderful weeks on vacation in Rome.
I really reluctantly went to school and then I had to also introduce my self to all the new people. Phew!
I pulled me nothing and looked around to find. Place a free Back I saw an empty seat and I walked past the other students back to the table at the back of the room, where I then took place.
I looked a bit around me and saw people chatting with each other, it was mainly girls I saw sitting.
Completely in the other corner of the room I saw a girl like me who, it seemed, no one kne... Continue»
Posted by soesar 1 year ago  |  Categories: First Time, Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 590  |  
100%

Bernadette

Years ago I loved chat on Yahoo Messenger. I had a group of friends I would chat with from time to time...it was always filthy. One of my favorites was Bernadette. She and her husband Mario had been married for fifteen years.

She lived one state away from me and we would chat about her fantasy. Me fucking her while her husband watched. Eventually we moved onto phone sex. She always got super excited hearing my voice as I told her what I wanted to do with her. She almost never spoke during those phone calls. Her moans and screams were enough though. Eventually I hard a low voice tell... Continue»
Posted by peterpierre47 7 months ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 590  |  
100%
  |  4