Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 69

Getting Caught

I was chatting with a fellow xhamster member, sharing experiences, and when I told about this one, she said I had to post it for everyone to read. Hope you like it as much as she did!

I met this guy on a gay site, and we chatted for a bit before setting up a meeting at his place. We both had a panty fetish and he told me he loved to sniff his 19yr old duaghter's and his wife's, and said it would be hot to watch me sniff them as he blew me. I agreed and we met the next day. His wife was at work, and his daughter, who was home for the summer from college, was meetining friends at t... Continue»
Posted by panteeluvr 5 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Gay Male, Sex Humor  |  
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Summer School

18 Year old Sharon Montgomery was soon to leave School- with her final exams about to come up,then,one very hot saturday night she entered a competion-'win a free 8-week holiday to Swaziland!'-a company was offering an all expenses paid trip for a maximum of three people to the little African country-it sounded wonderful!she typed in a random question-not seriously expecting to win!ten to her utter amazement she found by e-mail she had won!the delighted Sharon shows both her parents!'are you forgetting something young lady?' her dad said,as he reads the date they must be at the airport 'and fo... Continue»
Posted by burningbottom 2 months ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Sex Humor  |  
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THE ITALIAN.....

When reading this it must be read with a ITALIAN ACCENT....



One day I go to Toronto and stay in a bigga hotel.
I go down to eat soma breakfast. I tella the waitress I wanna two
pissa toast. She bring me only one piss.
I tella her I wanna two piss; she say, go to toilet - I say, you no
understand, I wanna two piss on my plate. She say you betta no piss on
plate, you sonna ma b*tch! I don't even know lady, she calla me somma
ma b*tch.
Then I go to pharmacia with a cougha. The man he give me candy ana
tell me fa cough! - I don't even know man ana he tella me FA COUGH!
Lat... Continue»
Posted by papa61 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Top 10 porn myths.

10 - High Heels.
Women wear high heels to bed.

9 - Going Down
When going down on a woman, 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.

8 - Ugly Middle-Aged Men
Women enjoy having sex with ugly middle-aged men.

7 - Suck It
When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".

6 - Busted
When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking the both of you.

5 - Oh Yeah
Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.

4 - Enjoyable Sexual Practice
A common and enjoyable sexual practice ... Continue»
Posted by diriculous 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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The maid of the mannor

Ann worked as a scullery maid; all of her memories involve working in kitchens, cleaning pots, scrubbing floors and preparing a****ls, her mother had become ill and was bed ridden. Ann stood scrubbing the pots from Lord Thompson’s dinner; she heard his deep voice as he spoke to the doctor watching over Ann’s mother. Ann began to hear them both walking down the stairs and the front door open and close as the doctor left, she was deeply worried about her mother and started to scrub the post as hard as she could to take her mind off it. Ann scrubbed harder but her elbow smacked into the clean po... Continue»
Posted by Red555 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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SUCKING DICK & SWALLOWING JIZZ

I read this profile online one day and it quoted an article about sucking dick and swallowing jizz. I wish that I had seen it many many years ago. I could have shown it to my wife as an inducement for her to give me head, like when we were single and she was trying to persuade me to marry her!
The author is unknown to me, however, I think it's worth sharing, so here it is:
Depression: According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND among people suffering from depression, many felt much better after sucking a Dick. This is because Dick juice contains a protein that the body converts into se... Continue»
Posted by bobapple 10 months ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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hot white woman gets five black cocks!!!!!

This is the third story on Lynette, the hot white woman from the gym. Guess you can say this is a trilogy. ha ha (first was Giving a Hot White Woman Her First Black Cock" and second was "Motel Rendevous."

This past weekend was real interesting, really interesting. Friday I met a damn hot lady something might be, yea, just might be about to happen there. Saturday night I sat in some real good seats at the Braves game as they beat the Giants and made a new friend for sure. Somebody familiar might end up on my football team.
Sunday, yea baby! Sunday!!!! I got my boys together for Lynette’s al... Continue»
Posted by adam2010 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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what happend

I think I better start from the beginning?

my wife & I have been married for over 30 years, we had good times well as bad times, for me I would say been more good time then bad times over the years.

once a month we do a meal in the house.
my wife would say meal tonight & fun, so we go into town pick up what we need then come home have sl**p for an hour or two?

about 4:30 I start the meal then about 5:30 wife go up stairs ask me to give her shave, while she getting ready for me to shave her I would run the bath.
after I shaved her all over how she looks like little girl bold?
I wou... Continue»
Posted by massoneup 1 year ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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Massage with a Happy Ending.

It’s been a rough couple weeks as being new parents the stress is really getting to us. With no time for fun times and me generally feeling down so getting a break is a rare thing.

Arriving late afternoon tension is high having had a harsh discussion earlier on in the week and just not feeling the love seeing bappy was something that I wasn’t overly excited about, that was until our wee one was babysat by his mammy that evening.

Now for the readers who know us better through our past stories passion is usually big between us because I don’t “diy” and I wait until I’m with him before pl... Continue»
Posted by maaao 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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Becoming my bosses

My name is jess I'm a account ex. at a good frim I have been here about 5yrs. at 28 yrs. old I would say that being 5'8" and only 108lbs. 34c and not what most people would say stuning I've done pretty good this job a loving hubby and my little 4yr. old son.

So here is how it happen Tony (my boss) and myself were working on an account very hard late nites and long hard days this account could be the begining of something great to the frim so it was a must do sort of thing, after three weeks of this we findly came up with the right campain for the client and it felt great, The frim was... Continue»
Posted by shotguner 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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1night

going out to the bar was something i didnt do often. I usually was a more reserved type of guy .So on this night i dont know what lead me to a strip bar but there i was with a facefull of tittys and ass and throwing back shots of henny when suddenly i was approached by this beatiful woman by the name of red you see this woman was not any ordainary woman this woman knew what she wanted and knew what she liked she was a freak im talking the true def.....of nasty, sheliked objects in her ass she liked to be slapped and called a stank nasty cunt she was really into shit like that and it turned me ... Continue»
Posted by dblac2 6 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Fetish, Sex Humor  |  
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The Affairs

Introduction: not so sexy


> The 1st Affair
>
> A married man was having an affair
> with his secretary.
> One day they went to her place
> and made love all afternoon.
> Exhausted, they fell asl**p
> and woke up at 8 PM ..
> The man hurriedly dressed
> and told his lover to take his shoes
> outside and rub! them in the grass and dirt.
> He put on his shoes and drove home.
> "Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
> "I can't lie to you," he replied,
> "I'm having an affair with my secretary.
> We had sex all afternoon."
> She looked down at his shoes and said:
> ... Continue»
Posted by PornApocalypse 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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The teacher and the student - Part 3 (A loving tri

I had an appointment with Nanci scheduled for late Tuesday afternoon.
She was stressed-out and there was no reason to prolong her agony over her grades, and I was going to let her off the hook.
Even knowing that my coed selection had already been made for the year and she was no longer a possibility, Nanci still made me silently gasp as she walked through the door, and I could see the truly radiant beauty that she was. Even with her eyes downcast and a frown on her face, she was gorgeous.

After she was seated, I explained that I had been watching her progress in class and on the essays... Continue»
Posted by elausente 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Sex tutoring mother and daughter





After my PG I joined a nationalised bank in Chennai. I was new to this place and people refused to give rooms to outsiders without proper introduction. I roamed around an finally got one room in a dingy locality with bathroom facility Somehow I wanted to stay and I thought I can change the room later to a convenient location.

My neighbour an elderly man working in a private firm, once asked me whether I am willing to take tuition for a college going girl for mat
... Continue»
Posted by bava12 2 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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Job Posting for a New Lover (Satire)

JOB APPLICATION FOR MISTRESS EMMA'S LOVERS

JOB DESCRIPTION:
Mistress Emma is a 49yo , SWF, 5'9", 240lb, 42DD, BBW, uninhibited, sexually adventurous, dominant female who lives in the Portland, Oregon area.  By day she is a senior project manager for a large company, with a Master's Degree who has travelled to 4 continents and over two dozen countries.  She doesn't do d**gs, drink excessively, gamble or have financial problems.  To the outside world, she is a very responsible, respectable and productive member of society.  Her one vice is that she has a VERY, VERY dirty... Continue»
Posted by EmmaLoveXXX 9 days ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
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First Fuck Flop (Non-fiction)

Every word of the following first-hand account is true, as best I can remember:

It was the summer of '91, and I had recently moved to Lancaster, CA from Northern California. I was 16 years old, and horny as hell pretty much all the time. If you've read my other true story about my first orgasm, then you know that this story begins about two years after that.

I ran with some "interesting" people when I was younger...pretty much anyone I might meet at a party, at a dealer's house, perhaps at school when I wasn't ditching, etc...and even though I wasn't a bad looking guy, and ... Continue»
Posted by femalesonly 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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Our First Anal

We were mostly curious people when it came to sex and we were pretty open about our desires and fantasies and today as we cuddled together on the sofa in front of the TV the subject of anal sex came up. I'm not sure why but it came into the conversation.

It was something that neither of had tried, maybe it was fear or caution. "What do you think of anal sex?" I asked.
You look up at me, quizzically, "Why do you ask?"
"I was just wondering if you've ever tried it?" I ask, trying to sound nonchalant.
You give it some thought for a moment before answering. "I don't know" you say "Doesn't... Continue»
Posted by somedude2 2 years ago  |  Categories: Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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sunny's wife's away

Sunny Brown’s wife Valerie, a hospital senior dietician, had gone to Sydney for an advanced hospital nutrition and food services management course for a month and Sunny's missing her and missing connecting with her vagina. Equally distressing he was missing her superior cooking compared to his best endeavours and generally most restaurant meals he’d had didn’t measure up either.

But he survived without complaint and cooked some of his dinners, mainly sticking with chicken fried rice or mince on toast or a roast. Two bright spots were invitations on week one and week two from two friends, we... Continue»
Posted by sunnybrown 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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hot s****r

i will tell u my story! Sex with friends s****r
when i was 13 my friend's s****r is 8 year elder to me and him and her boobs is round and sexy, her armpits is very smelly and hairy. I often go his house to meet him but side-by-side I want to see his s****r. One day I had gone to his house and his s*s is sl**ping in pajama and her pajama (nightwear) is torn from her panty side and her panty is clearly visible. but i do nothing. After one week i go to his house nd that time he is not in house only his elder s****r is in house lonely in cut sleeves Kurti(top)nd in pajama(bottom wear) she say
... Continue»
Posted by ishaan217 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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More Than Just A Word

Beth smirked at her friend across the room and quickly sipped from her mid afternoon glass of Chablis in an attempt to stop herself from giggling. Jenna, her friend since school, wasn't fairing quite so well in stifling her own fit of girlish giggles. As her shoulders began to silently shake, Beth knew it was only a matter of time before her friend would let out her customary bizarre high pitched whine, which always preceded the inevitable complete break down into hysterics for both women.

Beth had been here many times before. Like the time, many years ago at a party, where Beth awoke to th... Continue»
Posted by stalfonzo 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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