Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 69
Introduction: As always your comments, ratings, and jokes are greatly appreciated
It is time to do a comparison between two things treasured by men, beer and pussy...
A beer is always wet.
A pussy needs encouragement.
A beer tastes horrible served hot.
A pussy tastes better served hot.
Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied.
Having an ice cold pussy makes you Hillary Clinton.
Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones.
Pussy does not.
If you get a hair in your teeth
consuming pussy,... Continue»
it all started when me and my bf at the time was sat in the living room it had been a pretty boring day we were just having a couple of drinks as we did on most occasions and i was getting a little horny so i looked at my bf and said i was going to put a dvd on so i walked ova to my bag and pulled out a porn dvd and wen he realised what i had put on u saw a smile come right across his face he looked pleased so we started to watch it and continue our drinking by the end of it we had started to kiss and caress each other just on top of our clothes we started to get in to the moment and he slowly... Continue»
Miguel and René- Three's not always a crowd.
I didn't want to go to the pub with Miguel. It was about 2 weeks after Easter break and I wanted to write some letters to my parents to soften the hard feelings about going to Miguel's f****y's home for the holiday rather than to New York and tell them about my holiday.
"But it's Portugal in the finals" he crooned, coming close to stand between my legs where I sat at the dining table with my sketchbook and journal out. I was flipping through postcards and printed photos of Miguel's f****y and estate that I wanted to include in my letters. "Qu... Continue»
This morning when waking up, as always, i go straight to the toilets, scratching carelessly my f****y jewels. I just forgot for a second that my cousine was at home since yesterday evening. She's there standing in the corridor staring at me. Such an uncomfortable feeling grows in me...
Now she's enjoying her breakfast, i go to the bathroom, washing myself and here comes my morning boner without warning, i start wanking, lightly, and once again i just forgot i'm not alone, and the door is not locked and there she's entering the bathroom, hopefully i was not moaning her name...
Now she'... Continue»
We finally talked 15 years after the divorce.
Much of what is here is fiction. It is set in an alternate universe where the laws are slightly different. If any of you is a lawyer and would like to correct on legal facts, please go ahead. Just remember, this story is not about reality. This story is for the enjoyment to those who have been duped and plundered by cheating bitches and honorable courts.
She got down from her car and walked towards the house. She is not as beautiful as she was once. She is not as young as she was once either. She, however, is still the same bitch who p... Continue»
I already shared with u guys my expirience with my science..mam and this s with my social mam.. I liked her..very much...
She s in her 40s .married but din have a c***d :( :)... but truth s that she s dam sexy...i always daydream at her..and result is fail in my exams.. So i get a chance to attend her remedials..around 10 students accompany me in her..class.. Oh i forget to say her character ,she s very strict ..she use to debate for all the topic.. So i know if i could get her in a sexy argument then i can win her.. .. I was waitin for a rite day..i said all my friends that lets bunk the re... Continue»
I had to post this story and please believe this story is so true. I was about 25 and i had this 19 year old girl friend. It was xmas eve and I wanted her to come stay at my place so i went out to her house on the train to get her. As we waited for the train going back to my house "shell" is what im calling her(not her real name)decided she needed something in her mouth. So we went inside a shelter waiting area and she sat on the bench and i stood to watch out for others that my decide to stand inside. She unbuckled my pants like she saw flames in my pants and wasted no time getting my dick in... Continue»
Zak skillfully maneuvered the big Lincoln through a maze of traffic and on to the off ramp of the expressway! As he slid into local traffic he adjusted the radio for some easy listening and thought to himself, "Almost home, and boy am I tired and hungry, and what a day, non stop from eight until six, I hope Katie has something good ready for supper!!!" He thought about Katie and how lucky he had been to meet someone so beautiful and smart at the same time, and how after three years of marriage just the mere sight of her naked body nearly drove him insane with lust!!! Finally he turned onto Car... Continue»
This is not a sex story but a tale about a game me and my friend Jess use to play called Innocence. The purpose of the game is to get a friend to push their limits and revel themselves pretending to be none the wiser to a designated person known as the receiver.
The rules of the game are as follows:
1. Only play innocence in a controlled environment
2. Never put yourself in any danger
3. Never play innocence were people may get offended
4. Always choose your receiver carefully
If you decide to play innocence you do so under your responsibility and do not blame anyone else in rega... Continue»
Friends: Deleted Scenes - Moving Day
A gloomy haze hung within the purple walls of Rachel and Monica's apartment. They had lost a rash betting contest to the guys, and now they found themselves f***ed to pack and move to a smaller, dingier place.
Monica was in the living room trying to lift a heavy box, when Rachel walked in from Chandler's new bedroom.
"Hey, Rach, can you give me a hand with this box?" she asked.
"No! Put that box down!" Rachel demanded. "We are not going anywhere! This is my apartment and I like it! This is a girl's apartment! That is a boy's apartment, it's dirt... Continue»
I hear a knock at the door and come to answer it, hoping that it's u and not someone else about to see me in a tight schoolgirl outfit. I open the door and breathe a sigh of relief as I see U standing there. Ur jaw drops as U take in what I’m wearing, the tight top perfectly showing off my ample tits as well as most of my lacey bra, while the bottom half could barely be said to be a skirt with it rising just above my ass, teasing of what's underneath. I smile and say hi as we move inside, u shut the door behind u but cant take ur eyes off my sexy ass. We've barely walked inside when u spin me ... Continue»
Hello to all ISS readers! I am Rahul from Nagpur (Maharashtra). My English is week, so here I just tried to explain the incident happened with me. This story happened before 1yr when I was 25 yr old. Since c***dhood, I am so shy type boy so I always got hard to find any girl-friend. After completing my education I got job in Mumbai with good salary. It was now a six month of my job and I missing my dear mom so much. So I requested my boss to grant me a leave. He accepted and I moved to my native place Vardha (Maharashtr... Continue»
It starts with you going to the doctors to check your prostate. I work as the doctor, wearing a short white dress and under it my red bra and nickers. As I lean over you can see the top of my boobs. I shake your hand and asks you to take of your clothes and bend over.
You feel how I put some cold lubricate on your ass and some runs down on your balls. Then you feel how I separate your cheeks and puts in first one then a second finger inside you not wearing any glove. You moan a bit and I lean over you and asks if you like it. You nodd. I then find the prostate and start pressing-milking it... Continue»
While getting a long weekend off from college, I was invited to a party by my friend, Sam, at his girlfriends' house. I was told to bring somebody, but having no one to bring, I brought beer instead.
Sam had just started to date this girl, Lisa, and she was a party a****l. Every weekend it was party time at Lisa's. I arrived a little early since I was bringing the refreshment, and bumped into a tall, olive completed, long black haired, curvy girl who was sporting a cast that ran up to the top of her thigh. She was beautiful. I mean beautiful like, 'Catharine Zeta Jones' with nice boobs, ... Continue»
A guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop.
After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch; it doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says out loud, "Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"
"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."
"Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and answered me."
"I understand every word," says the parrot. "I am a highly intelligent and thoroughly educated bird."
"Yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this: how do you hang onto ... Continue»
Once upon a time, there was a very sexy and horny little slut called Jilnar Jardaly, who was having lots and lots of fun at her girlfriend's wedding day!
After the beautiful ceremony, the reception was well under way and Jilnar, was having such a lovely day! She'd already fucked nearly all the male guests, as well as several of the female ones. Best of all, she still had a few more hours left in the day to seduce the rest and add them to her enormous and ever-growing list of sexual conquests.
She decided to have a stroll in the beautiful garden to cool her perfectly delectable but achin... Continue»
Bill had left for work an hour earlier. His last action before shutting the door was a perfunctory kiss on her cheek as he hurried out the door, his mind already occupied on the day's events. Again, he had missed the significance of her squeeze on his upper arm; again he missed entirely, the questioning look she gave his retreating back.
"Jay; get up, you're going to be late." Jean shouted at the top of her voice over the edge of the banister. Jamie was a typical angst ridden teenage young man, lazy and disinclined to venture out of bed before the last minute, or he had ... Continue»
(Ann gets inked in an intimate area)
"Unique tattooing, can I help you?" David answered the ringing phone. "Hi David, this is Ann. Do you have any time to squeeze me in today?" she asked, cheerfully.
A huge smile flashed across David's already darkly handsome face when he heard her voice. Ann.... Her golden hair, long legs and chubby body just made his senses soar, not to mention his heart race every time she smiled at him. She had a smile that would melt the polar ice caps, and bring blinding light to darkened catacombs. He loved tattooing her as well, she never complained of the pain a... Continue»
Many years ago when I was about five or six years of age I experimented anally in the bath with a bit of soap; it felt good apart from the soap stinging a little bit.
When I was about ten years of age I got fucked for the first time by a friend of the same age. I don't know where he got the idea from but it felt very nice although there were minor complications.
In my teens a male friend and I used to have wanking races in his bedroom. We used to suck each other but not to orgasm so I never knowingly swallowed his cum.
Around about that time I lost my anal virginity in total to a Ga... Continue»
It's the thirty first century and I'm a cop who just completed an assignment. Me and my parner busted some d**g kingpin importing d**gs from another planet making a killing. The d**g was similar to cocaine but only stronger and the both of us came and closed up shop permanently. Afterwards I went straight home and took a long warm shower. I stood there and let the water come crashing down my body feeling all the tension float away after a long day of catching the bad guys and kicking ass. ... Continue»