Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 69

Special Stuffing-Happy Thanksgiving


" I can't beleive I'm doing this"
A thick wet slap resounds from the steel sink. It is followed by a moist gurgle and then the sound of wet suction followed by another wet slap.
"Don't throw out the gizzards, they're for the gravy."
A trilling giggle hits my ear next, then something heavy and slimy.I turn my head to be met with a slick fleshy column of skin bending towards me.
"That's the neck.Rinse it off and put it in the skilllhehehet." I laugh, pushing her arm towards the sink.
Giggling, she emerses her long fingers beneath the shooting water faucet and rubs them up and down the di... Continue»
Posted by lookyloo 4 years ago  |  Categories: Lesbian Sex, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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Miranda

Two years ago I was working for an advertising agency. I had been an executive for several years when Miranda was hired. She was very bubbly, perky, voluptuous 23 year old. I have always had a weakness for curvy women. Miranda was a temp hire, she was filling a position by another woman who was one maternity leave. Soon after she started working there, several young men tried to woo her. On occasion I would use my dry sarcastic humor to scare away Miranda's would be suitors.
Miranda assisted me with monitoring the frequency and time of when our advertising ads aired. We met daily at 4:30pm d... Continue»
Posted by Daleharris 8 months ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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Tight Pussy Dutch Hookers

Several years back, I took a lot of regular business trips to the Netherlands, where I would have to stay on business for several weeks at a time. My business would typically have me stay in a smaller inland city. The days and the hours were long, with business dinners every evening keeping me constantly occupied.

One weekend on a particularly long trip, I went on a walk to explore the town I was in. I’d occasionally run into a sex shop and I’d go in to browse the magazines. I’d sometimes stop and look through the European porn magazines that would show much more kink than American ma... Continue»
Posted by nvision 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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THE ITALIAN WEDDING

THE ITALIAN WEDDING

I was a very happy man.
My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year.
So we decided to get married.

There was only one little thing bothering me..

It was her beautiful younger s****r, Sofia.

My prospective s****r-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was Bra-less.

She would regularly bend down when she was near me.
I always got more than a nice view.

It had to be deliberate.
She never did it around anyone else.

One day she called me and asked me to come over.
'To check my s****r's wedding- invitatio... Continue»
Posted by tetamata 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Dennis The Menace: - Alice, The Mardi Gras Gang-b

Dennis The Menace: - Alice, The Mardi Gras Gang-bang Whore
by Sniper32

At a collage in California, three sorority s****rs were sitting around in
there bedroom talking. "Finals are done, so where are we going to go for
Spring Break this year?" Blondie asked.

"Well there's Tijuana or Cancun" Rita said.

"How about skiing in Aspen, that would be fun, or we could go to Ft.
Lauderdale, but that's a pretty wild place" Alice said shyly.

"We've been to Tijuana dozens of times, Cancun was fun until we drank the
water and all got sick, and Ft. Lauderdale was a blast last year, but ... Continue»
Posted by sniper32 4 years ago  |  Categories: Celebrities, Group Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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new bike

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.

Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him. "No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word." She tells him, "Our f****y had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven't done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them."

Steve sits down for dinner and It is ... Continue»
Posted by bluechaser31 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Me and the Indian prostitute


when im not getting sex from girls i pick up, i have to pay for sex. i do this because i love sex and i have money. the type of prostitute i most like are indian prostitutes. here in the uk you have to look hard as its not the sort of thing that good indian girls do.


the first indian prostitute i had sex with was manisha. i walked into the whore house and out came this beautiful bitch with big tits. she told me her name and how much it would cost me. i paid her £50 (about Rs 4000) for 30 mins of her time.

she led me in
... Continue»
Posted by bava12 2 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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The Back Story Of Mandy From The Bar

Mandy was a really strange one.

I ran into her at the bar pretty early on in my bartending days... She was in college, and would come to the bar most Tuesdays with some friends for what ever the Tuesday night special was.

Anyway, I noticed she was the shy one in the group, always avoiding the d***ken frat boys that wandered from table to table trying to get their dicks wet. One night she and her two friends sat at the bar. I saw it as my chance to bone a "nice Jewish girl" and started to talk with her. I don't really remember that much about it, or her, other then it took a few more v... Continue»
Posted by the_bartender 1 year ago  |  Categories: Anal, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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Disgraceful soft sex with my cousin

This is not exaggeration, this is based on my story of 1993. I feel
ashamed, cause she my cousin s****r. I shouldn't have done this to
her. I am from South Tamil Nadu.
It was in my semester vacation of my first year, and she was studying
Ninth Std. It all started from this point, in the night before my
s****r's marriage, she looked as if an angel. She is a medium
complexion, but...but really beautiful mean it. She was wearing silk
blow and the bottom (pattu pavadai). I was instructed to look after
the k**s who were playing on the Marriage's hall terrace. I saw my
cousin s****r playing... Continue»
Posted by Zz611 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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The Booty Inspector of the Old West (part 1)

[Tune in tomorrow evening for Part 2 of THE BOOTY INSPECTOR]


Intro:
The man walked into the room with a shotgun raised over his head and shouted "Now, ah'm only goanna repeat myself one Mo' time! I want all you men ta' lay down yous'n weapons and all you Womanfolk to drop down yours'n panties and pull on up dem skirts, because I here am the Booty Inpsector and I've come to inspect yours'n booties!"

And so the rise of Fame and Legend was given to the Old West's first and only "Booty Inspector" who hijacked trains and banks only to inspect womenfolk’s' Booties, at gunpoin... Continue»
Posted by markfayer 2 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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Daily Commute

This is my first story and not much of a writer but had an interesting incident this morning so I thought I'd share with you all.

I commute daily from home to work by train like most people living in Japan.
As you all may know, the trains are crammed during rush hour and your touching someone's back or shoulder.

It's like being in a can of sardines.

Anyway, so I get on the train this morning and like always it is crammed.

It is filled with sweaty men and I have been living in Japan for about 6 years now but still can't get used to having a sweaty guys back rubbing against my back.... Continue»
Posted by drpepper23 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Carrots

Carrots
by jjcole©

A lost art, whittling. Passed on from father to son, though in my f****y it had skipped a generation. I learned it from my grandfather. My father thought of it as a waste of time. Granddad taught me to use it as a thinking tool.

I had been doing this it seemed all my life. I would go to the backyard with a block of soft wood and my sharpened pocketknife and work problems through my head. Sometimes I would just daydream. The thinking and daydreams would end when the block of wood had become a discernible object. Over the years I had become good enough that some of my w... Continue»
Posted by colejj 5 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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Two’s Company

She lies on her belly. Her legs are long, like two-thirds the length of the couch. Jesus, what legs. They start perfectly at her white anklets and then rise and rise and just artfullyassemble themselves into a perfectfucking ass. She has the kind of ass that’s bulbous without being a bulb. It’s a half-an-apple ass, a narrow-but-squeezable, humpty-buttock, soft and girly ass. She crosses her ankles and bends her knees so her feet drop almost down to the scallop, the cut-off in the faded frazzle-legged denim that rides up higher than her panty lines….

“Gloria,” I sa... Continue»
Posted by Julian_LoveYou 3 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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THE WIVES SWITCH CLUB 2

THE WIVES SWITCH CLUB
PART 2

As tom and I drove home we didn’t say too much to each other it was strange as if we both felt guilty about what we had just done, as we arrived home Tom said do you want to talk about it “No not yet lets go to bed “ I needed Toms cock in me I could still feel James cum and I wanted to imagine Tom was James as he fucked me,
After sex I asked him how it had gone with Bee and he started to tell me in great detail I started to rub his cock while he told me what they had done together and to be honest I wasn’t really Listening I just wanted his cock hard again s... Continue»
Posted by bobbyblue53 2 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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Getting Caught

I was chatting with a fellow xhamster member, sharing experiences, and when I told about this one, she said I had to post it for everyone to read. Hope you like it as much as she did!

I met this guy on a gay site, and we chatted for a bit before setting up a meeting at his place. We both had a panty fetish and he told me he loved to sniff his 19yr old duaghter's and his wife's, and said it would be hot to watch me sniff them as he blew me. I agreed and we met the next day. His wife was at work, and his daughter, who was home for the summer from college, was meetining friends at t... Continue»
Posted by panteeluvr 6 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Gay Male, Sex Humor  |  
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Rachael - The Babysitter

"Mais maman!" Je plaidé. "Je ne ai pas besoin d'une baby-sitter! Je ne peux pas simplement rester moi-même cette fois? »Mais elle ne bougeait pas. Pour l'amour de Pete, je avais quatorze ans. Tout simplement parce que mes parents ont dû sortir de la ville pour le week-end, pourquoi ai-je avoir quelqu'un rester avec moi comme si je étais un petit enfant!

«Regardez Jeff, je ai entendu tout ce que je vais vous entendre. Je reçois la fille de Mme Walker, Rachel de rester avec vous, et ce est tout ce qu'il ya à faire. »Puis sa voix se adoucit un peu. "Ecoute chérie, ce ne est pas que nous ne vou... Continue»
Posted by kristak 1 year ago  |  Categories: Anal, Sex Humor  |  
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THE ITALIAN.....

When reading this it must be read with a ITALIAN ACCENT....



One day I go to Toronto and stay in a bigga hotel.
I go down to eat soma breakfast. I tella the waitress I wanna two
pissa toast. She bring me only one piss.
I tella her I wanna two piss; she say, go to toilet - I say, you no
understand, I wanna two piss on my plate. She say you betta no piss on
plate, you sonna ma b*tch! I don't even know lady, she calla me somma
ma b*tch.
Then I go to pharmacia with a cougha. The man he give me candy ana
tell me fa cough! - I don't even know man ana he tella me FA COUGH!
Lat... Continue»
Posted by papa61 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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you can learn a lot from a tutor

It was my third year of university, in the field of immunology, and i was sitting in my tutorial. It was my only class for the friday, so i was relatively awake.the course itself wasnt overly difficult, it was merely a lot to remember. I was sitting in my tutorial, looking at my fellow classmates, nothing over the top, just average people, more guys than anything. there was however a rather cute asian girl sitting to my left. with long flowing black hair, framing a slightly tanned face. her tits were small, as most asian girls are, her legs however were heaven, long, slender and completely hai... Continue»
Posted by jpvk123 5 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Fetish, Sex Humor  |  
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Top 10 porn myths.

10 - High Heels.
Women wear high heels to bed.

9 - Going Down
When going down on a woman, 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.

8 - Ugly Middle-Aged Men
Women enjoy having sex with ugly middle-aged men.

7 - Suck It
When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".

6 - Busted
When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking the both of you.

5 - Oh Yeah
Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.

4 - Enjoyable Sexual Practice
A common and enjoyable sexual practice ... Continue»
Posted by diriculous 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Summer School

18 Year old Sharon Montgomery was soon to leave School- with her final exams about to come up,then,one very hot saturday night she entered a competion-'win a free 8-week holiday to Swaziland!'-a company was offering an all expenses paid trip for a maximum of three people to the little African country-it sounded wonderful!she typed in a random question-not seriously expecting to win!ten to her utter amazement she found by e-mail she had won!the delighted Sharon shows both her parents!'are you forgetting something young lady?' her dad said,as he reads the date they must be at the airport 'and fo... Continue»
Posted by burningbottom 3 months ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Sex Humor  |  
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