Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 68

Lady Luck - A Somewhat True Story

Couldn't believe my luck tonight....after a long day of masturbating, and flirting or sexting with random women on either Facebook, xHamster, or Yahoo, I went to my local liquor store to pick up some rum and Coke at 10 o'clock tonight....it's in a strip mall, and as I was winding my way through the convoluted parking lot to get to the liquor store at the end of the complex, I passed a petite white girl, looked to be in her mid-20's. It's cold here this time of year, so I couldn't see a whole lot of her figure, but I could tell she had some curves under her peacoat and faded jeans. I only caugh... Continue»
Posted by femalesonly 3 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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The Layover

Stephen Brooks, a rather average sort of fella on the wrong side of 30 slowly opened the door of his Towncar and ducked out into the muggy afternoon air of Dallas Texas. Before him was the Airport and annoyingly beyond that a five hour plane flight back to New York.

As he grabbed his bags from the trunk it dawned on him that he had in all likelihood spent more time in the air in the past month then birds do in their entire lives.
Stephen was in Dallas overseeing the construction of a new Distribution hub for his Company and at the end of the week would fly back home to New York to give in... Continue»
Posted by Johnny_Lee_Miller 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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A YOUNG SOLACE

b*****r of my late grandfather had a house at the seaside. I’ve bee spending free summer vacations there since I was k**. He and his wife were retired and had a nice house in a quiet neighborhood of the town. I would spend whole day at he beach, hanging with local k**s and exploring the nature and landscapes.
I was having another beautiful month of a summer holydays there. Unfortunately, my grandmother (wife of my grandfather’s b*****r; I called them ’grandpa’ and ’grandma’) started to have a hard time with her rheumatism and arthritis, so her daughter found her a parlormaid. The maid was ki... Continue»
Posted by JohnDough11111 2 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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Penile implant sex

This is a true story

I hope that men with erectile dysfunction take this information to heart.
Well let me start by saying I'm a 44 year old man that's been dealing with the fallout of a couple heart attacks and as a aside effect of my various medications that I'm on my Dick at first would work but I noticed that I could fuck for as long as I used to before my heart issues. I tried the pills, the pump, the muse system, all with no solid maintainable erection, so things with my wife were starting to get strained, and my confidence was shot. I told my doctor about my home issues with the wif... Continue»
Posted by Taboo69 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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the funniest conversation during sex ever

ok backround i was in a car with this guy in high school. his name was ryan. we were 17 he was like 5'4" or somthing (he was short) cute like irish/itailian boy.
red hair freckles goofy smile thick cock. any way he just came after like 2 minutes and we were talking. he was still in me lying on top of me.

him: "fuck.... im so sorry but you cant blame me the blowjob eirlier got me really... ready."

me: "yeah i guess but really like two minutes." i said sadly

him: "im sorry can we do this again sometime though"

me: "well you still have the condom on, and ur still hard and in me. can'... Continue»
Posted by Michele1234 4 years ago  |  Categories: Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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More Confessions of the Locker Room


With my sky blue sports bag in hand, I travelled to my football team's training ground. I made sure to arrive just before half 8 in the morning, ready for our 9am departure time to take on our next opponents in a crucial league game. As I walked, I kept thinking about what had happened between me and Hannah in the showers yesterday evening. I was a little nervous about what we'll say when we see
eachother.

I walked through the small iron gates and headed into the lunchroom where most of my
teammates were sat about, talking and joking.

"Hey Sam." Hannah called, sitting on top of the... Continue»
Posted by LittleMissFart 3 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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first online hookup (crazy fun)

As I log on to my social network of choice, I put down my bottle of cola for a moment to input the password. As the page loads up I taste the sugary drink. In the corner of the screen there is 1 new friend request. "Maria" 20.

I remember working with Maria a few years before that, she was about 3 years younger then me but she was pretty open about what she wanted, even when she was 15. I accept, thinking to myself "worth a shot now".

A few moments later an IM bubble pops up " hey stranger, how you doing ? :)". Great I responded. Over the next hour or so we ... Continue»
Posted by thekp 6 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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The little boy with his trainset.... ( joke..!!! )

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room.
She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play ... Continue»
Posted by papa61 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Special Stuffing-Happy Thanksgiving


" I can't beleive I'm doing this"
A thick wet slap resounds from the steel sink. It is followed by a moist gurgle and then the sound of wet suction followed by another wet slap.
"Don't throw out the gizzards, they're for the gravy."
A trilling giggle hits my ear next, then something heavy and slimy.I turn my head to be met with a slick fleshy column of skin bending towards me.
"That's the neck.Rinse it off and put it in the skilllhehehet." I laugh, pushing her arm towards the sink.
Giggling, she emerses her long fingers beneath the shooting water faucet and rubs them up and down the di... Continue»
Posted by lookyloo 4 years ago  |  Categories: Lesbian Sex, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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THE ITALIAN WEDDING

THE ITALIAN WEDDING

I was a very happy man.
My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year.
So we decided to get married.

There was only one little thing bothering me..

It was her beautiful younger s****r, Sofia.

My prospective s****r-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was Bra-less.

She would regularly bend down when she was near me.
I always got more than a nice view.

It had to be deliberate.
She never did it around anyone else.

One day she called me and asked me to come over.
'To check my s****r's wedding- invitatio... Continue»
Posted by tetamata 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Miranda

Two years ago I was working for an advertising agency. I had been an executive for several years when Miranda was hired. She was very bubbly, perky, voluptuous 23 year old. I have always had a weakness for curvy women. Miranda was a temp hire, she was filling a position by another woman who was one maternity leave. Soon after she started working there, several young men tried to woo her. On occasion I would use my dry sarcastic humor to scare away Miranda's would be suitors.
Miranda assisted me with monitoring the frequency and time of when our advertising ads aired. We met daily at 4:30pm d... Continue»
Posted by Daleharris 7 months ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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Tight Pussy Dutch Hookers

Several years back, I took a lot of regular business trips to the Netherlands, where I would have to stay on business for several weeks at a time. My business would typically have me stay in a smaller inland city. The days and the hours were long, with business dinners every evening keeping me constantly occupied.

One weekend on a particularly long trip, I went on a walk to explore the town I was in. I’d occasionally run into a sex shop and I’d go in to browse the magazines. I’d sometimes stop and look through the European porn magazines that would show much more kink than American ma... Continue»
Posted by nvision 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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Dennis The Menace: - Alice, The Mardi Gras Gang-b

Dennis The Menace: - Alice, The Mardi Gras Gang-bang Whore
by Sniper32

At a collage in California, three sorority s****rs were sitting around in
there bedroom talking. "Finals are done, so where are we going to go for
Spring Break this year?" Blondie asked.

"Well there's Tijuana or Cancun" Rita said.

"How about skiing in Aspen, that would be fun, or we could go to Ft.
Lauderdale, but that's a pretty wild place" Alice said shyly.

"We've been to Tijuana dozens of times, Cancun was fun until we drank the
water and all got sick, and Ft. Lauderdale was a blast last year, but ... Continue»
Posted by sniper32 4 years ago  |  Categories: Celebrities, Group Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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new bike

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.

Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him. "No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word." She tells him, "Our f****y had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven't done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them."

Steve sits down for dinner and It is ... Continue»
Posted by bluechaser31 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Disgraceful soft sex with my cousin

This is not exaggeration, this is based on my story of 1993. I feel
ashamed, cause she my cousin s****r. I shouldn't have done this to
her. I am from South Tamil Nadu.
It was in my semester vacation of my first year, and she was studying
Ninth Std. It all started from this point, in the night before my
s****r's marriage, she looked as if an angel. She is a medium
complexion, but...but really beautiful mean it. She was wearing silk
blow and the bottom (pattu pavadai). I was instructed to look after
the k**s who were playing on the Marriage's hall terrace. I saw my
cousin s****r playing... Continue»
Posted by Zz611 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Me and the Indian prostitute


when im not getting sex from girls i pick up, i have to pay for sex. i do this because i love sex and i have money. the type of prostitute i most like are indian prostitutes. here in the uk you have to look hard as its not the sort of thing that good indian girls do.


the first indian prostitute i had sex with was manisha. i walked into the whore house and out came this beautiful bitch with big tits. she told me her name and how much it would cost me. i paid her £50 (about Rs 4000) for 30 mins of her time.

she led me in
... Continue»
Posted by bava12 2 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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On Valentine Lake (Part One of Two)

This is the newest installment in a series of stories collectively titled "Loving Lizvette." They are the recollections of a middle-aged man who found himself falling in love with his teenaged daughter's young friend, who calls him "Daddy" partly because she is carrying his baby. At this point in their romance, they have not been alone together for several weeks and have arranged to play hooky from school and work to enjoy their first Valentine's Day as lovers, alone on a boat at a nearby lake. It was a day they would both remember.

The story is told in nine scenes.

This is a work of fi... Continue»
Posted by Stiffenpurple 2 days ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
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The Booty Inspector of the Old West (part 1)

[Tune in tomorrow evening for Part 2 of THE BOOTY INSPECTOR]


Intro:
The man walked into the room with a shotgun raised over his head and shouted "Now, ah'm only goanna repeat myself one Mo' time! I want all you men ta' lay down yous'n weapons and all you Womanfolk to drop down yours'n panties and pull on up dem skirts, because I here am the Booty Inpsector and I've come to inspect yours'n booties!"

And so the rise of Fame and Legend was given to the Old West's first and only "Booty Inspector" who hijacked trains and banks only to inspect womenfolk’s' Booties, at gunpoin... Continue»
Posted by markfayer 2 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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Daily Commute

This is my first story and not much of a writer but had an interesting incident this morning so I thought I'd share with you all.

I commute daily from home to work by train like most people living in Japan.
As you all may know, the trains are crammed during rush hour and your touching someone's back or shoulder.

It's like being in a can of sardines.

Anyway, so I get on the train this morning and like always it is crammed.

It is filled with sweaty men and I have been living in Japan for about 6 years now but still can't get used to having a sweaty guys back rubbing against my back.... Continue»
Posted by drpepper23 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Carrots

Carrots
by jjcole©

A lost art, whittling. Passed on from father to son, though in my f****y it had skipped a generation. I learned it from my grandfather. My father thought of it as a waste of time. Granddad taught me to use it as a thinking tool.

I had been doing this it seemed all my life. I would go to the backyard with a block of soft wood and my sharpened pocketknife and work problems through my head. Sometimes I would just daydream. The thinking and daydreams would end when the block of wood had become a discernible object. Over the years I had become good enough that some of my w... Continue»
Posted by colejj 5 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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