Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 67
The purple desert landscape gave way to distant hills with strange phallic bushes, some red some black some yellow,like spikeless cactus actually reminded me of double headed rubber dildos or is that a lezzy fantasy in the making, guess beside the hunger pains I was feeling lonely, as the marble tiles gave way to a gravel terrain, my mind went to my fuck me pumps, they are getting ruined, at this point I stopped retrieved the odd remote gizmo from my bag.
The symbols meant nothing to me so I went random pushing away a strange hologram appeared before me , brill a guide to the planet!
The hol... Continue»
Introduction: These are funny,perverted, and just wrong all at the same time.
A Penis Study
In 1991, Duke University funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $180,000.00, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the Man more pleasure during sex. After Duke published the study, Stanford decided to do their own study. After three years of research and $250,000.00, they concluded that the reason was to give the Woman more pleasure during sex. The University of Wisconsin, unsatisfied with the... Continue»
One Month later...
When news broke that the school's power couple broke up, you'd think someone had died. And when it was discovered that I was the one who broke Missy and Derek up I became more of a parah than I already was. Worst of all Missy lost all of her "dearest" friends too. "Who needs them when I have you." she would say. But as brave a face as she put on, I could tell she was hurting. Ben was also very cross with me, but for a very different reason. "I can't believe you're giving up the gift you've been given!" he would say. "You could be banging all types of chicks but no, you se... Continue»
6/13/2012 *name used pseudonyms, but based on true events*
One of my friends, Brad, was having a kickback. Nothing major Him 3 other friends me and our female friend in the group Veronica. SO as you can imagine from a bunch of game artists and programmers it was a pretty standard night. Video games, beer, music, a comic book argument about Before Watchmen which almmost came to blows and so on. 2 of the guys left early around 11 p.m. because they had work in the morning. Leaving Veronica, Brad, Tyrone, and myself. Tyrone had the most to drink that night and violated the alcoholics sacred hym... Continue»
I woke up this morning all in disarray...my heart was beating ten to the dozen..my massive bosoms were heaving..my skin was all clammy!! I knew it was not true...
You see...I had this dream...an amazing dream that sent me into another world..I was walking along the forest..near our farm..just silly lonely aul me..and I felt I was being watched...the hairs on my arm and the nape of my neck stood on edge...I quickened my pace but ears all a-listening...As I got to the clearing..he was standing there...waiting..looking at me...no words spoken..just this cheeky grin on his rugged face...The day w... Continue»
Jack Straw, 35, single forever, sales-man for stockings, lacy lingery and condoms, travels more miles through the lonely country than any one of us - it is his job! He doesn't meet many women on his long and dusty way through the outback, but he certainly longs for the once-in-a-lifetime encounter with a lady that will fulfill all his secret dreams!
Here I am once again on this endless and winding road through the deserted country side. The six cylinder motor of my old station wagon is humming comfortably under the broad bonnet as I ride along with seventy miles an hour. I am traveling li... Continue»
All day I'm nervous and can hardly concentrate, cause I am not sure what to expect later that night.....
I get dressed in a pair of jeans and a fitted brown colored top that gives a nice view of my breasts. I swoop my hair up (for the adult look) and put on some comfortable shoes and grab a matching bag. Before I leave the room I survey myself in the mirror..."damn, i do look good", I thought.
I walk out to the living room to meet my darling. I can see him looking at me and I can almost hear him thinking, "damn"!!! I walk up to him and he touches my left cheek and tilts my head upward,... Continue»
one night i had a dream. it started with me and my friend. we was in my bedroom talking about girls we would like to fuck. but he didn't know i was gay. so just talk for a long time. but it was getting late so choose to go to bed. but i couldn't sl**p. so i reach in my boxers and play with my 5.5 dick thinking about my friend. i never seem him nude. but i been thinking about it. well i got scare when i heard a noise. i look up and saw my friend watching. he ask me what i was thinking about and i said you. he smile and said i'm not gay but i will let you suck me and then i will fuck you. i got ... Continue»
This is the James Hard-on series continuing epic :P (Read earlier ones if you want to help follow story)
Jessica Chastity and James Hard-on sat in the car in pure silence. She started to get uncomfortable.
"So what happened in there? With Willy I mean?" said Jessica.
"Let's just say he was a great prick and I gave him something that took him down in size."
I winked at her. Gosh I LOVE puns!
"I don't think he will think of bothering you or other women anymore with his extreme piggishness."
"Oh. Thanks? I guess."
"Hmm. I have a feeling we aren't really having much chemistr... Continue»
Have you ever had a really bad day?
I mean a real shitfest!
Where things go from bad to worse in the blink of an eye?
First, I got fired.
Then I got dumped
And last but certainly not least, I died!
So to recap, Fired, Dumped, Dead...bummer!
You might be asking yourself..."Jack, how does a moderately healthy guy just this side of Thirty die" Well "self" maybe next time you'll unplug the toster before you try to pry out a Pillsbury Toaster Strudle with a butterknife...while high.
So yeah I got zapped with 50,000 volts and died alone in my underwear and a Spice World T-... Continue»
Walking down the street, thinking i gotta go forbidden planet to get some comics, when i walk past this shop i normally walk past to check for those "massage" adverts in the window. I see one, and call it and esquire about prices.
So i ring, and a Eastern European female voice answers and gives me the details, and the location, and immediately my plans change and start heading to this location as its nearby. Turns out this place is a pub which she directed me to, so i call again and she said someone will be outside to meet me, and take me in, this was very random and some guy directing me ... Continue»
He was very handsome and very curious to certain sexual acts. He had been longing for a woman to take him anally, he spent most of his masturbating thinking of his dream woman all in black leather, thigh high boots, and she place’s his collar around his neck leading him into her private room with all of her toys for pleasure with the attached leash. She smiled at him seeing he was nervous being with her, his eyes widened when she picked up her flogger and began strapping her hand.
“I think you have been a very naughty boy.” She told him in an almost eerie whisper.
“Yes Mistress, I have ... Continue»
Jodie Marie, 22, freshly engaged with a car mechanic, is a simple woman. She likes to cook, to cuddle, and she certainly likes to make love. And because she has a boyfriend and seems to be well maintained by him, her fantasies are sometimes reflecting the realm of the unknown, the appetite for something new - and include sometimes even a woman:
I'm loosing the damned game! I hit the rubber ball harder, but with every mistake I make her grin grows broader. She is a friend of my mother, about her age, but still fit and not bad looking, but she is a bl**dy lesbian, playing with all the young... Continue»
Dorothy and Ku-Klip got up off the yellow brick road and held hands walking back to his cabin when they saw smoke. They started to run and Dorothy looked on shocked as she watched her clothes going up in flames. Ku-Klip ran up and grabbed her clothes and thew them to the ground stomping them out but it was too late.
"I'm sorry Dorothy. It must have been one of the flames jumped up and caught a piece of your clothes".
Dorothy just stood there naked. Shocked to see clothes her Aunt had made for her, destroyed.
Ku-Klip went up looking down at her," Here wrap this apron around you and g... Continue»
Last night I found my mark. The person who I was taking home with me and fucking all night long. I love a challenge and am most often successful. Luckily tonight, it's a woman. I've had too much dick this week and have been dying to taste some pussy. Standing at the end of the bar in a dress, I found out later that she made, was "D." She had several visible tattoes, long white legs, and the most plump bottom lip I almost instantly sucked. It didn't take long to get her into the bathroom. Needed some more information before I wasted my time; like can she use that bottom... Continue»
A few weeks ago Wifey came home from work she announced to me that she was feeling as horny as hell!. Due to a being downed with a huge
dose of the 'flu from hell' I'd been neglecting her for a couple of weeks or three, consequently she was now feeling pretty much deranged with sexual need. Thinking about sex all day while she was at work she'd decided to run the gauntlet of catching the last dregs of my flu by shamelessly
seducing me when she came home .
Seemingly unsure of how to proceed she finally threw caution to the wind and came to sit close by me as I sat on the sette... Continue»
The moment her soft, trimmed blonde mound came into view, I ran my mouth over it, and she whimpered loudly. I was surprised at how wet she already was – her slit glistened openly, her hips lifting slightly even at that gentle touch. I couldn't help looking up at her with my mouth poised over her. She was watching me. There was open desire in her eyes now, and her nipples were visibly hard.
Then my mind re-focused on that detail, as my eyes wandered downward, drinking in the sight of Diane's beautiful naked body for the first time. Creamy shoulders, high, firm, smooth breasts with tight, dar... Continue»
A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a
couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself, "I'd give anything to
sink this next putt."
A stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a fourth
of your sex life?"
The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be
meaningless but also that perhaps this is a good omen and will put him
in the right frame of mind to make the difficult putt and says, "OK."
And sinks the putt.
Two holes later he mumbles to himself, "Boy, if I could only get an
eagle on this hole."
The same stranger ... Continue»
Now this is 4 the niggas that eat pussy (or at least try to lol).......let me start off by sayin there is a rite & wrong way to eat pussy.....if a girl ever say it hurt while you eatin her out you doin sumthin wrong (how you can make it hurt idk....but sum females have told me that sum niggas made they pussy hurt while they was eatin it lol).....now you cant juss move your tongue up &down & actually think you doing sumthin cuz you not especially if you not in the rite spots....take it from a pro ((ME)).....movin your tongue up & down is borin.....you gotta go from side to side & vibrate yo ton... Continue»
It is the nicest day of the summer and I am stuck inside a shopping mall looking for a birthday gift for my girlfriend. After wandering around aimlessly for an hour, I make a full circle back to the cosmetic section. It is more than obvious that I am out of my element. The customer-service people threw me a glance as they were all carried together in conversation. Their faces wore badges of disgust with a thought bubble that didn't include any characters in the customer-service manual.
The best gift for my best girl did not come flying off of the shelf. I needed to get creative. I take a lo... Continue»