Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 67

Sperm Count

There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day.

The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it.

Doctor: What was the problem?

Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mo... Continue»
Posted by Deecee29 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 612  |  
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Fuckn My Flat 2



My hands were shaking at the anticipation, she grabbed the back of my neck and brought me in for another deep kiss, my fingers danced lightly over the mounds of her boobs grazing the hard nipples as my hand got closer to her glistening thighs. I moved my hands over her pussy lips. Wet doesn’t even get close to describing her. This girl was hot and dying for some hard cock to make her scream. Her back arched as I lightly moved her wet lips apart, her panty gusset was soaked through with it as I dragged them off her, her ass raising in the air to help giving me a waft of her pu... Continue»
Posted by salahgabr 1 year ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 611  |  
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Memoirs of a strip club chef

A long time ago, I had the dubious honor of working as a cook at Sugar’s. The club was billed as a gentlemen's cabaret, although even back when the neighborhood was more prosperous the joint was always a bit seedy. Any building without windows and smoking allowed inside can’t help but turn into a den of ill repute.

The kind of place you’d see a midget cock slapped in the face by a giant lemon horse dick.

I myself was just another face back in the kitchen, where I started as a dishwasher and slowly learned how to cook everything the club had to offer. For the most part we were faceless, ... Continue»
Posted by Beowulf_S 2 months ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor  |  Views: 611  |  
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Ex-girlfriend Sarah, exhibitionist, story 6

Now her new boyfriend is really, really annoyed about this blog about Sarah, my ex-girlfriend, so lets’ keep it going by another story about the horny bitch.

We were on holiday, somewhere on the Canary Islands. Lanzarote, I think. Two things happened on the holiday that her new boyfriend will hate to read about. I got a bit sunburnt one day, so the next day I couldn’t stay out in the sun too much. We were in a hotel room that overlooked some gardens with a lot of grassy areas and a few ponds. We had gone out to sunbath in the area of the gardens we could see from our room and after S... Continue»
Posted by KevinGraves2 1 year ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 611  |  
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Room Service

Hi All!

Long time no see! I’ve finally ‘got my arse in gear’ and feel inspired to write. The only problem was, because it has been a while what should I blog about? After some careful consideration I thought it only polite to keep you all up to date with ‘recent events’ so to speak lol.

I suppose the best place to start (as with all stories)is from the beginning. I had been chatting to a chap, lets call him Colin (rhyming slang ‘Colin Firth’ - girth ;-P) for a short while, when the delightful boy suggested we meet. Now a lot of the people I talk to either play around with the ide... Continue»
Posted by unassumingmistress 1 year ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  Views: 609  |  
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SEXY KUWAIT LADY

That was winter days and she came from England after having vacations. Her house was in front row and there was a single street between our homes. In our area houses are quite big and no one knows that what is happening in someone’s home. My f****y has good terms with her f****y and we usually visit each other. This time she was alone and her daughters remained there and she came for selling her home. For this purpose she told my mom that she wants me to do this job as I have sound contacts in area. I readily accepted this assignment and met with her in her home. We were alone and she was tell... Continue»
Posted by fukkerguy 7 months ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 608  |  
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lil s****r...dam it

so me n my gf were layin in bed cuddlin wen reach dwn n startd 2 rub my cock. i told her 2 stop bcuz her lil s****r was aimlessly walkin around her house. she continue n got me hard. so i startd playin wit her tits. she got up,closed tha door n undressd. i did 2. she hops on top n stickz my cock inside her. she grabz my hands n places dem on her ass n tells me 2 smack it hard. about a minute into it her s****r walks in n she startd screamin. i push my gf n cover her wit a blanket. her s****r starts laughin n leaves. my gf was so embarress dat she gets dress (so do i) n tells me 2 leave.... Continue»
Posted by thamack408 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 607  |  
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Welcome To The Nieghbour Hood,Cally!

New Jersey-2006

well it was around spring when Cally arrived.
i was just walking shop when i saw a moving van next to my house,
there was a brunette girl who looked around my age,
long brown hair,curves to die for,and bright blue eyes.


i went over to introduce myself i asked her how old she was and i was right she was 16
after a while her mother asked her to go shop so we both went.
on our way back she asked me what school i attend.
it turns out she attending there next week
so i said i will knock on for her and walk school
that morning i made sure i looked my best i dont know ... Continue»
Posted by charlie-xxx 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 606  |  
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Lets Meet

WE TALKED ON THE PHONE AND YOU SOUNDED NERVOUS....TALKING MUCH SHIT TO A GIRL.....TELLING ME WHAT ALL YOU WOULD DO TO THE PUSSY..IM LIKE YEAH RIGHT ANOTHER MAN TELLING ME THAT THEY ARE GOING TO HIT IT LIKE IT NEED TO BE HITTED....

SO I SAT THERE LISTENING TO YOU BLOW ALL THIS STEAM OUT OF YOUR MOUTH...THEN FINALLY I ASK YOU WAS YOU THROUGH USING UP YOUR ENERGY TALKING...YOU SAID HUH...I SAID ARE YOU THROUGH USING UP ALL OF YOUR ENERGY TALKING....

YOU ASK ME WHY..I SAY TO YOU PUT UP OR SHUT UP...PUT YOUR MONEY WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS....YOU GOT QUIET....I SAY DONT GET QUIET NOW...YOU WAS TALK... Continue»
Posted by ladytrucka42 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 606  |  
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Dream Job (Everyman's fantasy)

The California Board of Education meeting once again ran late into the night. The stale air became stifling in the August evening, as the air conditioning units had been shut down over an hour ago. Tempers started to flare, as discussions had become as hot as the California sunshine. Arguments were heard and heard again with no end in sight.

"Look," said the chairman flatly, "we have to find a solution and soon. The dropout rate in the Southern California School system is at an all time high. Attendance rates are the worst in decades. Our federal funding is in jeopardy. If we don't fix this... Continue»
Posted by Exakta66 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 606  |  
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Eve (A true story...OK, maybe not)

Going back in time to give the first woman her first orgasm...hey, somebody had to do it...

Eve (A true story...OK, maybe not)

Hello people. Hope you are doing well out there in Fantasy Land. What, you say you are not in Fantasy Land? Oh you will be soon. Don't worry, because we are going deep into Fantasy Land. So deep, we may never return. And believe me, you will go to Fantasy Land with me. Even if I have to pick you up and sling you over my shoulder. So come with me, to Fantasy Land.

It all started innocently enough one fine day back in the eighties. If you recall f... Continue»
Posted by Exakta66 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 606  |  
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Asian Cum Slut

The night I met Mei in a London club, she was dressed the way you see in
Japanese anime. I told her, and she got all offended since she was Chinese,
and anyway she could not understand what I meant, or so she claimed.

She had on high heeled boots, knee high socks the kind you'll see matched
with schoolgirl uniforms, a chequered plaid skirt that barely covered her
ass, and a white shirt that could barely contain her immense 38E bust.
She looked obscene - breasts that size on a chink, especially one not more
than 5'1 or 5'2 that couldn't be a day over 18 just accentuated the
anime-girl... Continue»
Posted by pornofiend 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 605  |  
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Cum cuisine excerpt

Planning to expand the story out more for future publication

My husband is a picky eater. Well, I take that back, he is a finicky, superstituous, overtly paranoid and down right trippy eater. The steak has to have the right amount of seasonings in it or he won't eat a bite.
Eggs have to be fried until they look, feel, and taste like rubber. Sweets can't be too sweet, but loads of chocolate on a sweet is ok. The fish can ONLY be wild caught, not farm raised (which had me hunting all over the beaches for a local fish market).
And his coffee? Freshly roasted and brewed each morning ... Continue»
Posted by juniysa 3 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  Views: 605  |  
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USE ME


My head pulled back, your hand in my hair holding my head stiff.
The position designed to create it im possible for me to resist, you want to take me your way and I must obey..


I'm bent over with my kness on the bed,my legs parted wide...my hands tied at the wrists between my legs, the long rope trailing down the length of the bed.
"Uh.....UH.....UH......UH......UH.......UH......UH" All that can be heard from my mouth as you ride me brutally. I feel my body vibrating with the f***e of the thrusts, my tits and ass dancing like jelly.


"Fuck, your Pussy's tight..Take this..."
I... Continue»
Posted by jadeandjasmin 2 years ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 604  |  
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Advice for you men...er, BOYS

When I was younger, before I had my male cherry taken by a beautiful, sweet, caring, and VERY patient woman (Did I mention BEAUTIFUL? They're ALL beautiful in their own way!)I was like a blind, starving dog in a meat house! When you're not getting it, oftentimes you just want to rip her clothes off and jam that thing right into her quick! Get it in, get it out! "It won't hurt, did it?!" Nah, hah, hay!! It's like when you want to get a car loan: you aren't gonna get it unless you really don't need it! Same with getting laid. The best luck I ever had as a pussy magnet was just AFTER I ma... Continue»
Posted by Volfy 2 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 604  |  
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Roxanne

“You still with the rug-muncher,” he said, putting his empty beer bottle down.
“If you mean Kirstie,” she replied. “Then yes.”
“Well, like I said Rox,” said Bumfelt. “It's been a long day. And as hot as you are, I'm not here for an angry I'm fucked off with my lesbian partner and what some dick fuck.”
“You think that's what this is?” replied Ballsakey. “Fuck you, Eddie.”
“Fuck me?”
“Yes. Fuck. You,” said Ballsakey. “You don't have to be a complete asshole.”
“I don't?” shrugged Bumfelt.
“No. You don't,” snapped Ballsakey, getting up from the chair, moving across the dining... Continue»
Posted by sirprecum 1 month ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 604  |  
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Self Service

(With a little help, he sucks his own cock)

After reading some erotic stories from men who enjoy eating their own cum, I was very aroused, though I've never been much into that. I never even like kissing my wife after she gave me head. For some reason I just couldn't shake these thoughts.

One day after reading some very hot stories, I needed to jerk off. In one of the stories a man sucked his woman's pussy after she had just been fucked by 2 other guys. This got me wondering again if maybe I was missing something, so I decided to try tasting my own jiz.

However, after I came, this des... Continue»
Posted by KingAmir 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  Views: 603  |  
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To Be Kneaded Like This Was GREAT!!

I am a 61 year old man living in Florida who has always been healthy and rarely ever sees a doctor. However, about 6 months ago I had an auto accident that caused an injury to my neck. After my surgery, part of my recovery included physical therapy and massage therapy. I found a good physical ther****t and worked out diligently 3 times per week. After a week of working out and feeling a bit tight I remembered the massage script and checked the phone book and one ad caught my eye. There was a ther****t not even 5 miles from my home so I called and made my first massage appointment. However, the... Continue»
Posted by Margar 2 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  Views: 603  |  
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English Pastimes (A day at the races)

Well a good day out at the races never fails to get me horny,the Sport of Kings,
watching horses run round a track is fascinating, I am usually lucky and win my stake back by the end of the day.
But I really go for the spectacle, Ladies Day at Royal Ascot is excellent for people watching, get to wear a hat,generally be elegant and a lady for the day.
Well until the Champers hits my heels.
It was at such an occasion I was recruited for the Pony Club, I am the Strawberry Blonde who actually believes they have taken the word gullible out of the English Dictionary.
So I will begin...

Stand... Continue»
Posted by DiamondLife 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 603  |  
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Skype horny chat CuteLea & Bleuchanel69 sex ta

That's a hot chat I just had one hour ago with a fantastic english teen. As a lot of men ask me how I find girls, maybe they can find some tips there. I put a screen-shot at the end of the text. Comment if you like, I can post other hot talks I had and I will have ^^

I only modified CuteLéa by Lea and bleuchanel69 by Me - should be easier to read -, and hidded the town where she lives. It may be sometimes a little boring, but it is the real chat we had. Comment also if you don't like ;)



[17:33:19] Lea: hey sorry i havent spoken to you in ages :( i lost my laptop charger so i h... Continue»
Posted by bleuchanel69_skypeme 11 days ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 608  |  
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