Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 67

[b]The Sticky Dance Floor[/b]

Damn, I hated the noise. No matter where you went, it was the same. Somehow, the deejays around the world must have all gone to the same identical music store. There, they learned to turn the volume up until it hurt and loudspeakers only produced distortion.

Even here at the bar, it was near impossible to hear the barmaid. She showed me four fingers, meaning four dollars for my beer. I wondered what sign she would make for five dollars and seventy-five cents? She was a beautiful woman with reddish hair and a little bit shorter than me. Maybe five foot six. Like most barmaids, she was dresse... Continue»
Posted by vstein 5 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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Freshman Felatio 101

It was the fall of my sophomore year in college and I had just moved into a new apartment and I had put up an ad for a room mate to help cover the expenses. A number of girls had called but the one I settled on was a girl named Alicia who was just a freshman but her parents were well to do and she didn't want to live in the dorms. Most of the other girls I either knew by name or reputation and I really didn't want my pad to become party central.

Alicia was a small town girl, who was still dating her high school sweet heart, who was stuck at home attending junior college because he couldn't... Continue»
Posted by oralTcmlvr 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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A Fun Saturday Night



Man, what to say. So on Saturday March 30th, I lost half of my virginity. More specifically, I got a handjob. Now, if youre excepting some super erotic story or whatever, this isnt going to be it.

Getting on to the story. In good ole Pensacola, Florida. Me, my friend(who I will just call Scarlet) and her other friend(who I will just call Tessa) went to the park. It was suppose to be just a regular day of goofing off. But Scarlet thought itd be funny to pour soap all over my car. I was already just tired from just playing around on at park, mainly i was light headed becaus... Continue»
Posted by fail1080 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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The Hot Affair

Tossing and turning on the bed; she found that sl**p would not come to her, as her mind was full of vivid memories of the days fun they had just enjoyed. A smile came across her face as she remembered each detail of their Anniversary dinner. Choosing a more private affair than most they had decided to go to the local park with a blanket. Once there she realised there was no food. Arching an eyebrow questioning at him he had laughed, pulled her down onto the blanket, lifted her skirt and started to lick and suck her clit. Every so often lifting his head to insert a finger into her wet pulsin... Continue»
Posted by craigus44 6 months ago  |  Categories: Anal, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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Fully Dressed

Have you and another given each other a mind blowing orgasm while fully dressed???????????????

I worked in this kitchen in Fl. and there was this waitress that would always brush her large tits and plump ass against me when ever she would pass me in the kitchen area. So we talked flirtatiously to one another for about two weeks.

One night out back taking a break she comes out and we get into a heated conversation. She noticed I had a massive hard-on and she said "I wish I could ride that cock right now". I had on a pair of loose chef pants; she had on a pair of black tight cotton/polyest... Continue»
Posted by Gehld 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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The Truth About Swinging....

So...you want to try swinging? You fantasize about what it will be like.You want to see your wife with another man?Would you both like to swing with another couple? Or do you want the "Holy Grail" of swinging, the hot 3 way with your wife and her hot friend from the office??? First question,One)Have you gotten your wife to AGREE to do this,and is she willing to do it,and does she want to "swing???" 98% of the time, its the MAN who brings up swinging, NOT the woman in the relationship.Now----If you've gotten your wife onboard with swinging,and you havebnt had to beg or "talk her into it" ( that... Continue»
Posted by heretic1 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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The Pre-Nup Agreement (a Chrissie Conway Story)

The Pre-Nup Agreement


Several years ago one of Kellys' friends had a b*****r who was getting married in Reno and a bunch of us girls
decided we would all get together for a wild weekend reunion. I unfortunately had several of my regular clients to see
on Thursday and Friday afternoon and wouldn't be able to depart for Reno until early Friday evening. Needless to say by
the time I arrived the ladies were already in a crazy celebratory mood. I'd had several drinks on the flight so I wasn't entirely
unprepared once I got to Reno.
I had the valet hire me a taxi and headed for the Cal... Continue»
Posted by chrissieCD 2 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Sex Humor, Shemales  |  
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A Happy Thanksgiving With My Cousin

This story is completely fictional!

It had been a few months since I had seen my cousin Sara and when she got to my house for thanksgiving I was stunned at how sexy she looked. Since I had seen her last, she had cut her hair and more importantly developed a nice set of tits. Not too big and not too small, just perfect for a track runner like she was. She had a slim body but perfect ass which I loved to stare at. When everyone arrived I took their coats and threw them on my bed, Sara came with me and threw a few coats down too. She commented on how messy my room was and laughed when she s
... Continue»
Posted by faddy02 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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How I did LSD & lost my virginity for the firs

This is my first story so constructive criticism please, if you like this I will post more stories from my strange & crazy life. This is a true story, happened to me in the summer of 05' best day of my life.


So first the stats, you fellow story readers seam to enjoy them. The girl in this story Rachel is/was 1/2 Puerto Rican 1/2 Mulatto, 5'4" maybe 125lbs, Curvy, a nice handful of tits & a rock hard ass that went on for days. I was & still am, 1/2 irish 1/2 mexican, 5'9" 144lbs very skinny yet toned from lack of body fat, I'm a grower not a shower, at 9inches when erect & I'm cut... Continue»
Posted by dayzicle 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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In The Hallway

My doorbell rings and I rush to the hallway. My heart leaps into my throat, my pulse quickens and my skin becomes moist. I have been waiting for you, here in my house, for so long. Now you have come and I can hardly wait for you to enter. I stand at the back of the long hall, itching to rush to the door and loving the exquisite prolongation of this moment, my body becoming weaker, my love for you becoming stronger.

From my warm secret hiding place deep in the dark of my house I see your silhouette through the frosted glass. You press your nose to it and you see nothing but shadow. Already ... Continue»
Posted by IrmaCerrutti 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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How to tell if you would be a good pornstar

STRAIGHT MALE EDITION

Every Straight Male thinks they're able to do porn

1. Are you capable of cumming more than once ? not that you will really need to but just in case you happen to get over excited around female performers you wont explode and then have nothing else left in the arsenal.

2. How are your athletic skills ? its one thing to be in a gangbang edge yourself and wait till its your turn to jizz, but its another thing when you have to penetrate another performer in full speed without getting out of breath and stopping.Porn stars usually go half and hal... Continue»
Posted by guess1tw3ll 3 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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turning the tables on dad

Turning the tables on dad
Growing up all I ever heard was, "As long as you live under my roof you'll do as I say, young man!" Yeah my Father was very strict. Up until the time I moved out of his house, at age 22, I had to toe the line or accept the punishment. Punishment was always the same. Dad would make me strip to my briefs with my hands at my sides as he lectured me. Then I'd have to lie across his lap and take some hard swats on my brief covered ass. Eventually he'd pull down my briefs exposing my round bare ass completely. He'd then go to work spanking my bare butt--usually until he br... Continue»
Posted by doctor27 3 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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Joke for today

WY

An Englishman was holidaying in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. One day they were strolling along a nude beach when they noticed a naked Black local also strolling towards them.

The Black guy notices the white guy has '" WY" tattooed on his penis and asks what it stands for? The white guy says .. Well when I get an erection it spells my girlfriends name " WENDY " , The surprised white guy sees that the Black guy also has " WY " tattooed on his penis and asks what it stands for?

The black guy says , well when I get an erection it spells " WE... Continue»
Posted by cocoabutter 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Blame It on the Water

by scribbleskillz



Two hours ago, it was a good day.

I was with my parents out for a weekend of scuba diving and sun tanning off the coast of Catalina. A much needed weekend of relaxation brought to us through spontaneous means (my pops had cracked a screw and instead of a sports car for his mid-life crisis, he bought a rather big yacht). And so we'd been enjoying the sun after a nice afternoon dive. Armed with margaritas and not a care in the world. That is what I call blissful.

Thirty minutes ago, we received the warning.

Any good sailor knows to check the weather reports ... Continue»
Posted by Erocus 4 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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squirting

Omg Iv only had sex with one guy as was with the same guy for four years and he never once made me orgasm.. I thought maybe it was me that i wasnt as sensitive down there as other girls or something..anyway I know now that he just wasnt doing it for me because last night I had a really naughty cam session with a guy from manchester..he was really fit and in great shape especially for his age(59)
He said he had a thing for school girls so i put on an old school uni that fit me when i was 14 but makes a great slutty outfit now. the skirt barely covers my bum as i always wore it short anyhow.
a... Continue»
Posted by 4dlaf 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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Now it's my turn

The light fog added a moisture to the air. The coolness of the night wrapped around her like a wet towel, sending a shiver up her spine. She was lucky she knew the area so well, or she could have easily become lost. She looked through the trees at the house where he lived, slightly smiling at the one electric candle burning in the kitchen window.

Little did he know that the candle provided a signal for her. He, in his excitement, meant the signal for another. Just the thought of what she had planned had her so excited that she could barely control her movements. She was wet down to mid-thig... Continue»
Posted by faheem1986 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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cuckold 102

After chatting with someone online one night, the recommended me check out this site. All I can say is I love it, brings back so many memories of great times.
I may have a number of episodes of things involving my 1st wife over the years we were married. But, I guess I need to start off at the beginning. These things took place many years ago, when sex health concerns were different. Plus we lived in a small town, AIDs was not an issue at the time, and other STDs were not common there either. Needless to say, she much preferred bareback and receiving semen internally.

So, my story starts... Continue»
Posted by ltbgman 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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Ex-girlfriend Sarah – exhibitionist story 7

Well, it’s time to really annoy my ex-girlfriend’s new boyfriend, Chris, again, with even more evidence of what an exhibitionist slut she really is.

Sarah and I used to live together in the city of Bath (UK). Some Saturdays we would go to a café for morning coffee, in the city, to read the morning papers. One time we went there, Sarah was wearing a fairly short skirt, certainly above knee-length, which had a bit of a split up one side. We went into an open courtyard of the café, walking down some open, iron steps, almost like a fire escape to get to the tables. At the bottom was a ta... Continue»
Posted by KevinGraves2 1 year ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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Funny Tag team orgy

When i was 18 i had my first orgy ...it was me, my boy, this girl i had just met, and her friend. It all started at cici's (pizza buffet) me and my boy had walked in to grab a bite when we came across two big booty chicks ...we hit it off and started talking after five min's into the convo 1 of the girls asked if we wanted to fuck!!!! lol i know i couldn't believe it myself it was as if an angel came down and sprinkled pussy juices all over my throbbing cock ..... i was so shocked that they were so strait fwd i pulled my boy to the side and told him "man no homo b*o but this is a one inna life... Continue»
Posted by bardio09 4 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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DIRTY JOKE

A MOTHER AND SON WAS WALK DOWN THE ROAD THE MOTHER SAW A SEX HOUSE SHE TURNED TO HER SON AND SAID DON'T U EVER GO IN THERE. HE GOES OK MOM. ONE DAY JUST WALKING HOME AND HE CAME PASS THE SEX HOUSE THIS SMOKING HOT BLONDE SAYS DO U WANNA COME IN HE SAYS I CAN'T I CAN'T MY MAM SAYS SHE GOES I WONT TELL. HE GOES ALRIGHT THEN SO HE GOES IN. SHE SAYS DO U WANT TO GO UP STAIRS HE SAYS I CAN'T I CAN'T MY MAM SAYS. SHE SAYS I WONT TELL. SO HE SAYS ALRIGHT. SO THEY GO UP AND THE SAYS TO WANNA HAVE SEX HE SAYS I CAN'T I AN'T MY MAM SAYS SHE SAYS I WONT SAY. SO THEY DID. WHEN THEY DONE SHE SAYS U CAN TAK... Continue»
Posted by LORDLONE 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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