Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 66

A new found friend.

Now that I have known you good folks for a while, let me introduce to you my best friend - CAN YOU GUESS,WHO HE IS? Apparently we first meet shortly after my birth, but I must admit, that I really did not pay much attention to our relationship for the first 7-8 years of my life. Now at some point in time shortly after my 8th birthday, our relationship took to turn for the better. I started to realize, that my friend could actually be interesting company and I started to grow really fond of him. I started to play with him from time to time and soon realized, that with proper attention and a bit... Continue»
Posted by Mads69 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 644  |  
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Quality Not Quan-titty

(A short poem written in praise of my lovers' boobies, all of them regardless of size - and I include my own rather large ones in that category because nobody loves mine more than I do, with the possible exception of my lovely husband! Don't be fooled by the fact that it appears to be written from the male perspective - disregard gender as well as size. It's all about the love of boobies in general, but through my eyes and my lusts!)




My lover's tits are so tiny,

It's so plain for all to see,

Though my lover's tits are so tiny,

She sure loves them - just like me!

... Continue»
Posted by optanda 3 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  Views: 643  |  
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I Treated the Slut Like Shit...

She's a minger and she knows it: forty with a wonky eye, overweight and with an abundance of moles on her arms with a large one on her stomach. Her personal hygiene leaves a little to be desired too but she has big tits and nipples though.

She absolutely adores me but the thing is I just don't give a damn about her: she is just a sexual object to me like the majority of my women. And I have had loads,fucking loads.

On the plus side, however, she is a tad kinky – I guess it’s the only thing the ugly bitch has going for her.

Anyway, it's Wednesday and my day off – I know s... Continue»
Posted by Kinky_Mushroom 9 months ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  Views: 646  |  
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CAUGHT AND PUNISHED !!!!!!

Right i thought, ill get this last job sorted then race home and have the house to myself for an hour or so before the wife gets in. Both the k**s are away so i thought ill enjoy some sexy time alone. I rushed home and swung the van into the first space i could find. When i jumped out my freshly shaven cock was already starting to pulsate as i thought about my beautiful wives sexy panties in the wash basket just waiting to be explored.

I kicked of my shoes and dropped my trousers releasing my massive hard throbbing cock, and went upstairs. I reached into the wash basket and found 3 pairs o... Continue»
Posted by himNher 2 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, First Time, Sex Humor  |  Views: 642  |  
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THE WALKING FUCKERS, Complete Story

THE WALKING FUCKERS


It was supposed to be a weak RNA strand that
disabled the enemy then withered.
The vector virus had other ideas.
It found a single, mutated Ecoli bacterium
and mated with it.
Military “Intelligence” had finally fucked us all.


“M0m will be furious with me,” I thought, lying in bed,
trying to figure how I'd refuse the “corrective” surgery
and not get kicked out of the house.
The alarm clock beeped.

“I'm 18, why NOW?? I grew up this way! NO, mom, NO!”

Fifty rehearsals in my head.
I waited.
Nothing.

Then voices in the street.
I looked out the w
... Continue»
Posted by yutubeslut 1 year ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Sex Humor, Shemales  |  Views: 646  |  
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A visit to the vets

Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they started a conversation. The Black Labrador turned to the yellow Labrador and
asked " So why are you here today? "

The yellow Lab replied, " I'm a serial pisser. I piss on everything, I piss on the couch, the carpet, the curtains, the cat, the k**s. But last night was the final straw when I pissed on my owner's."

The black Lab said, " So what's the vet going to do? "

"Well, he's going to cut my balls off," answered the yellow Labrador. "Supposedly it'll calm me down and stop me pissing everywhere."

The Yellow Lab t... Continue»
Posted by sjroche1509 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 640  |  
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Emma’s Joy Stick

She sucked on his cock with relish across the gear stick separating the two front seats. Knowing the more danger they were both in the harder he would cum, Emma sucked him harder with gusto and worked the throbbing rock-hard ‘stick’ in her mouth, her tongue slithered and pressed every which way inside. His hands were busy changing gears and steering the wheel, concentrated hard on keeping the car on the road and not the ditch on the side. Every pothole Andrew couldn’t avoid jolted his cock deep into Emma’s mouth, hit the back of the throat every so often.

Now that the blow job keeps both oc... Continue»
Posted by MinxGirl 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 640  |  
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Slutty Sarah and the dirty tramp (hobo)

Well Chris, Sarah’s new boyfriend, did you ask her about that tramp she exposed herself to, that I mentioned in the last episode of Sarah, your slutty new girlfriend? No? Or maybe she just went quiet and denied it ever happened. Well, it certainly did. And here’s what she did.


Sarah didn’t mention again her idea of exposing herself to a dirty tramp (hobo, for you American guys), for quite some weeks. But I thought it might still be on her mind. And it was. One early Friday evening in the summer, Sarah suddenly said ‘You know that tramp thing we mentioned, I want to do it, right now... Continue»
Posted by KevinGraves2 11 months ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 644  |  
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The Queen’s Breasts

Introduction: This is a funny joke for the ppl who never heard it before.

Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.

Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason.
He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try
to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio
the Physician, the King’s chief doctor.. Horatio thought about this and
said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but
it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it.

Without pause... Continue»
Posted by PornApocalypse 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 639  |  
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Husband watches

Jools was quite simply beautiful. She sat astride him and he could not believe he was so fortunate. She was like a naughty angel. Albeit an angel with flawless makeup and one wearing a black and red leather corset, fishnet stockings and high heels.
"I'm going to fuck you hard," she whispered, leaning closer to him. "You're going to cum so much and I want it all."
"Oh my god," he managed to gasp as she leant forwards to nuzzle his ear, running her tongue up his neck. His cock was a hard pain between his legs. It twitched as she brushed his legs with her fishnets. Her nipples were visib... Continue»
Posted by bumfelt 3 months ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 642  |  
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in mywildest dreams

now this is some shit thats hrd to belive
never could i ever imagined what was going to happen to me
as i lay therelost in a dream filled with differentwoman in front of me
somewere black somewere whitethe majority looked like white but as i stared getting to know each one it was clearthat race didnt really appear wellat least 2 me it didnt becausetheonlything i saw were nice shaped bodys notthe way u would think...but niced shaped in a way that appealed...to me...
the roundest of tits the thickness in there assess and legs u see i like that shit it turns me on callme different call mewron... Continue»
Posted by dblac2 4 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Fetish, Sex Humor  |  Views: 637  |  
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Poetry of the Genitals

Her

I cannot help it I love your dick,
Upon its head I like to lick.
I love the hardness of your shaft,
It’s no game but a well skilled craft.
I love to linger around its head,
And make you cum all over the bed.
And oh we can’t forget the balls,
Cause their my favorite part of all.
I’ll finish the task by jacking you off,
And swallow real well so you don’t make me cough.

I LOVE THE COCK!

Him

I love to eat your creamy pie,
About this fact I could not lie.
To take my time and eat you well,
To taste your love and feel you swell.
It is the greatest thought of all,
... Continue»
Posted by Testdriver 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  Views: 637  |  
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A Short Story

A Short Story
in play format. (Originally written 23 Feb 2006)




Interior - waiting room of surgery. A voice over the P.A announces for Mrs Allott to enter Dr. R Don’s room.

Mrs Allott: Hello Dr.

Dr. Don: Good morning, Mrs Allott, what can I do for you? how’s Mr Allott?

Mrs Allott: He’s fine. Dr, I’m here about my pussy.

Dr. Don: And what is the problem with it?

Mrs Allott: It keeps itching.

Dr. Don: Well, you better get it out and I’ll take a look at it.

Mrs Allott gets it out and Dr. Don proceeds to take a good look at it.

Dr. Don: You have a lovely pussy,
... Continue»
Posted by suavisdulcis 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 636  |  
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YOU HAVE TO BE ADAPTABLE ..

Many years ago when I was about five or six years of age I experimented anally in the bath with a bit of soap; it felt good apart from the soap stinging a little bit.

When I was about ten years of age I got fucked for the first time by a friend of the same age. I don't know where he got the idea from but it felt very nice although there were minor complications.

In my teens a male friend and I used to have wanking races in his bedroom. We used to suck each other but not to orgasm so I never knowingly swallowed his cum.

Around about that time I lost my anal virginity in total to a Ga... Continue»
Posted by AussieJonno 2 years ago  |  Categories: Gay Male, Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 635  |  
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A Book to Remember

A Book to Remember
by Just4kinks


J4K’s heart raced as the elegant young man entered the library. She blushed as his penetrating eyes met hers, she remembered last night’s hot steamy sex and she was pleasantly surprised he came back for more. It has been such a long time since her life has been filled with passion. Heck, it was six months since her husband touched her and at 40, she was at the peak of her sexuality. She was ready to put on her sexy boots and rock and roll, not spend hours on end watching senseless television shows on the couch.

She tried her best to k... Continue»
Posted by just4kinks 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 632  |  
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Sandals Honeymoon

A new wife goes black.

Chapter 1

We were on our honeymoon in Montego Bay .. I was doing lots of drinking with new friends the night before .. playing drinking games for points .. the wife was real horny when we got home at around 4am .. started me off by giving a hot fingering show .. she laid back on the four-poster bed in our ocean-front suite with only the white terry cloth robe that they give you for the vacation ...

She was teasing me as I got ready for bed .. I undressed as she was rubbing that juicy pussy .. telling me to watch her get herself off .. she laid back... Continue»
Posted by magas911 7 months ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Hardcore, Shemales  |  Views: 636  |  
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My first BBW

The 1st time I had sex with a BBW I was 17. I had sex before that but never with a big girl before but I had seen some BBW porn before and I did like it.

The girl wanted me for months (she had told me afterwards).She was latina, probably about 5'7, and weighed somewhere from 180-200lbs if I had to guess. We would go to the park and she would always bring liquor and we'd share stories of sex. I remember the 1st time I wanted to fuck her she had these tights on that made the outline of her ass and thighs look so plump, so delicious. I tried so hard to hide my dick as it was getting hard.

F... Continue»
Posted by BangxNiggax27 7 months ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Hardcore, Shemales  |  Views: 637  |  
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hiding at the football game

so it was the begining of my senior year
my ex and i were staying after school to walk around until the homecoming game started. so we were walking around the campus just trying to be alone together to sort through some troubles we were having, and of course when we FINALLY got comfortable enough to tlk everyone started to show up so we decide to sneak into the school through the auditorium window to get some quiet. so we were sitting in the back row of seats in the huge echoing auditorium tlking, when i put my arm over her shoulder and pull her closer to me so i can rest my head on hers. she... Continue»
Posted by c-mon96 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 630  |  
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Dating tips for guys

1. Wear the right kind of after-shave lotion or perfume. But remember, not too much, not too less!

2. Though you would like her to think of you as a toughie so she feels protected in your presence. This particular attitude puts off a lot of girls. Most of the times guys are so consumed with acting macho that makes girls think you are not sensitive enough! So, take it easy!

3. Most of the men don't think they have to pay attention to the way they dress. Well...you may not want to apply make-up though some guys do but that doesn't mean you land up on your date just like that! Remember to s... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 630  |  
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Pussy Types

1. Expensive Pussy
Most pussy falls into this definition. Expensive Pussy can be recognized by the following – fur coats, $500 dresses, spandex, bright colored shorts, and shirts with greek letters on them. 98% of good pussy falls into this category.
Advantages: If you can afford it, it will be great.
Disadvantages: Many, mostly in the form of checking account depletion. Often not worth it.
2. Cheap Pussy
Very rare. Usually comes in the form of a girlfriend of yours who will not go away no matter what you do. Cheap Pussy can be recognized by the following – she will often pa... Continue»
Posted by sexy_boy1985 3 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 629  |  
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