Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 66
So, like, there was this woman, and she had really big tits, because that’s sexy. I mean, really big tits, like, she could topple an orphanage with them, and that’s sexy. And there was this guy; he didn’t have big tits, because that’s not very sexy. And one day he was like “hey, let’s do sex”
and she was all like “okay.”
So they started having sex and the guy was like “oh yeah” and the girl was just lying there like a corpse because that’s sexy and then the guy was all like “ooh, you feel like my mom”
and the girl was just like “uhh.”
The guy was giving it to her... Continue»
Ok so obviously that's not the name of this story, but I am having trouble taking this story where it needs to go. I was perfectly fine when I started but I seem to have a bit of a block and looking for help. I am pretty open and usually just write off the cuff... so if any of you would like to help and have some ideas it would be incredibly helpful. Let me know either by pm or posting a comment here. Would love any suggestions! thank you!
"Fuck!!!!", slamming my hand on the door. I can't believe I locked myself out. It's late August and there is a definite chill in the air. Well so m... Continue»
Hello My suzie and I have been together going on thirty years it has been a great ride . I have written about our adventures in the laundry and in the yard on the deck our dining room of our new house and our date to the erotic drive in on our third date,
She was a hottie then and still my hottie we love it when we do have time and the wanting to have sex some awesome hot wet sex!
We use to have swimming pools some only a foot and half deep a k**dy pool we use to lie in it on a warm summer evening after the k**s got out it was funny we were out in the wood we did not have any one close en... Continue»
Well, since this is my very first post here, I know I will be screwing something up as I go along. Please bear with me.. :)
I am always a believer of strong relationship. No matter how rocky a relationship is, love will find it's way to unite the two hearts. Many of us may have different fetishes but I am pretty sure that this is for the pleasure of the other partner. You may share your husband and wife, make them your slave or anything that you can think of, but at the end of the day, both of you will be back together sharing the same love and remembering the vows that you have exchanged t... Continue»
Right. Waaaaay back, I used to loooove getting a good massage. The massage is great and the****utic The women are cute. And sometimes you get a happy ending. Now understand I didn't go to places LOOKING for a happy ending. The first time it happened I was in Massage Envy and the girl thought I was cute and did it unprompted.
"I'm only doing this for you Hun."
"Yeah. Sure you are. You say that to all the young hung black guys."
So I got massages because it helped my neck and relieved stress. If the chick "liked me", well who am I to deprive them. :-p
I've stopped going to massage pl... Continue»
A cucumber, an olive and a penis are talking.
The cucumber says "I hate my life, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me in salad."
The olive says "That's nothing, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me on pizza."
The penis says "You think you have it bad, when I get big fat and juicy they put me in a bag, throw me in a cave, shut the door and leave me there till I throw up"
I woke up in the Bundys living room. Peg sat next to me looking quite sexy as she had just had her boobs done last season and looked very curvy in her usual attire. Marcy Darcy sat on my other side acting all goofy and horny. She wore a knee length skirt shiny hose and spiked heels, unlike her 3" grandma pumps she usually wears. Kelly sat on the arm of the couch looking confused.
Peg told me I was there to teach Kelly how to please a man without having to give it up. Marcy said yes just watch and learn, "easy Marcy" peg quipped.
As peg pulled down my shorts and released my sl**p boner it... Continue»
She reaches around and tugs him out of his boxers.
“Uh, Crowley’s Books… do you, what are ah… excuse me… what…”
“Really!” She wraps one leg around. “I used to work there. I was a leftover for a while, you know, a call-in? Fucking Simon, wanted to fucking castrate him sometimes. Does Barak still work there?”
And he’s unable to follow her words, following her smile, and strange figures emerge from her lips, a lipstick formed from the bl**d of saints and martyrs to her causes and it’s coming loose of her lip... Continue»
ABRI JA'NAE HER NAME IS, BODY SO SILKY AND SMOOTH. OF COURSE SHE HAD ONE OF HER REGULAR DAYS SCHOOL, WORK, AND HOME.SHE WAKES UP FRM THE NAP SHE HAS TAKEN NOTICED TO SEE TIME HAS GONE BY.BRYAN COMES HOME IN NOTICES HER CLOTHES ARE THROWN ON THE FLOOR.HE QUITELY STANDS OVER HER WITH HIS 10 1/2 INCH DICK IN HER FACE, SHE OPENS HER MOUTH FOR A MIDNIGHT TREAT.GASPING FOR AIR HE HAS HIS DICK DOWN HER THROAT.SALIVA FROM HIS DICK COVERS HER MOUTH AND FACE.HE TOSS HER JUICY ROUND ASS OVER SO THAT HE CAN GET A GOOD LOOK AT HER PUSSY LIPS, OR AS SHE SAY HER MOHOGANY TREASURES!HER ASS JIGGLES SAO MUCH T... Continue»
"You've got to be k**ding!" I shouted out loud.
"Whoever thought to name a town that, must have had a huge hairy pussy fetish!"
"WELCOME TO BIG BEAVER PA." The sign said.
I had almost arrived at my new home in Pleasant Town Pa. population 55,000.*
There was no way I could concentrate on my language learning tapes now, not when I was this close to my destination.
Plus my mind was wandering too much anyway. Seeing that "Big Beaver" sign reminded me of my old college days.
Up near Albany NY there's a town everyone refers to ... Continue»
So Almost a year into your sex-filled relationship and its our first valentines together. its been a week since we last saw each other and i owe Bappy big! wearing a tight shirt, baggy jeans and low cut vest under my shirt i could see his excitement as i walked down the stairs at the train station. walking to union square and we stop for a cuddle and i can feel his member hard in his pants. a few hours pass and we decide to go back to his to celebrate properly. as soon as we get into his room we strip off he's getting hard and its happening fast. i moaning his ear how bad i've been needing his... Continue»
Gym. 2:16 p.m.
"Since today you start weight training, there are a few machines that I want you to know that most of you will be trying today. Firstly, the Bicept Curls, is where you will be lifting weights, but since you are all only in grade eight, I surely hope most of you will be able to lift ten pounds," Mr. Richard said, looking at all of us while we all laughed and I grinned, elbowing my friend Shyla who yelped, rubbing her arm and giggled as I kept looking at the teacher and then at Matt, who was across the room, talking to his buddies and they laughed as his eyes turned to mine and... Continue»
3 men die on xmas eve, to get into heaven st peter says u must have sumthing on u that represents xmas, the english man flicks a lighter and says its a candle, st peter lets him pass,, welsh man pulls out a set of keys and jingles them and says they r bells, st peter lets him pass, the irish man pulls out a G string and st peter says how the fuck do they represent xmas?? Paddy said they're carols... Continue»
The night before we had been watching the film The Pianist i
lluminated on her bedroom wall. I had been making appropriate and thoughtful comments throughout until they had thrown the disabled man, wheelchair and all, off a third floor balcony. “They’re only showing the bad bits,” I said. “Oh they should show all the good bits should they?” she asks in a sharp revoke. I say nothing more for a while.
Then the Russians came. The last Germans units were killed or fled the ruined city as it was liberated, and the pianist had lived through it all to play the tale. We had sex later. Emot... Continue»
Bad girls are legendary - a guy who’s been with one practically passes out from bliss when he talks about his experience. You might be thinking, “Who, me? Be a bad girl?” But any woman who wants to can wake up her hibernating vixen...and have a damn good time doing it!
See, bed-devil status is about a fearless attitude, not how much sexual experience you have or whether you wear leather. “Guys dig when women are unbridled and uninhibited, push their own boundaries, break the rules, and ask for what they want,” says Barbara Keesling, PhD, author of The Good Girl’s Guide to Bad Girl Sex. So ... Continue»
This is actually a completely random post. I was talking with my a friend the other day, and he reminded me of something I did at a party a while back. I used to go to parties and get completely trashed when I was in high school. And I had this ex Abi, who was a total control freak, but very atractive, she was 5'4, mix of mexican and caucasion, very smoothe skin, long black hair, big doe eyes, perky b cup size, and a very tight ass. one thing I hated was that she would tease and lead me on but never actually do anything. After a few months of blue balls, we broke up and went our separated ways... Continue»
I haven't been able to sl**p lately. I started a new shift at work, and it seems like the world is always asl**p, while I'm awake at crazy hours,
working hard to afford the life I want us to live. I never wanted her to feel like I didn't care about her needs, because I do. I guess I just have trouble
exspressing how I feel sometimes. But i do it all for her. I do it all for us. She says I don't try hard enough to make time for her. She says that I
concern myself too much with money, and the things I think we "need". But I'm just trying to provide. I heard her talking in her sl**p ... Continue»
First story. Hope you enjoy!
There wasn't ever really anything important in my life,and there really isn't anything important now. That was until of course, I met her. Let me elaborate on who I am. My name is John, but people also refer to me as Jack. I'm a 24 year old World Traveler/Philantropist/Philosopher/Writer. I discover alot of the things that are for say " Unknown to the general public" and while I'm doing my travels help in the community and also discover exactly who I am abit then afterwards I spend the time to write and sometimes publish my experiences in novels. I'm a good 6'5,... Continue»
it was a mild summer night as i held the one i loved in my arms. i held her close against me as i kissed her neck. as i started to nibble on her ear she tugged and pulled at my jeans as if to slowly claw them off me. passion was taking over and she was ready to go. i reclined my trucks seat as she saddled me and bit into my neck. it was somthing that just drove me nuts. her nibbling on my neck slowly moving down my collar bone, while slowly pulling my shirt off as i unsnapped her bra she tugged at my belt, begging for me to fuck her. i layed her down on the seat and undid her belt and pants wi... Continue»
After I had broken up with my girlfriend, I was left to wander the world of women. I had met a cute woman who was in my work group at school. We immediately started getting along. We had a similar sense of humor and similar relationship pasts. Both of which allowed us to make a powerful connection. Soon enough we were hanging out outside of class; I took her fishing, she helped me pick out my dog. We were inseparable.
We did hit one snag though: neither of us wanted a new relationship. We were both in our "cool down" mode after our break ups and decided to just fuck each other as much as we ... Continue»