Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 65

first online hookup (crazy fun)

As I log on to my social network of choice, I put down my bottle of cola for a moment to input the password. As the page loads up I taste the sugary drink. In the corner of the screen there is 1 new friend request. "Maria" 20.

I remember working with Maria a few years before that, she was about 3 years younger then me but she was pretty open about what she wanted, even when she was 15. I accept, thinking to myself "worth a shot now".

A few moments later an IM bubble pops up " hey stranger, how you doing ? :)". Great I responded. Over the next hour or so we ... Continue»
Posted by thekp 5 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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The little boy with his trainset.... ( joke..!!! )

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room.
She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play ... Continue»
Posted by papa61 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Temp Job (You'll like's the best

Temp job as limo driver has definite benefits...a celebrity story...

Temp Job (You'll like's the best)

I have a confession to make. They say confession is good for the soul, so here I am. Now that I am this hot sex fantasy writer on this sex fantasy website, people have been expecting me to keep coming up with hot stories. But the truth of the matter is, my sex life has not really been all that exciting. If I had to write the Kama Sutra it would only be one page. In 48 years on the planet, I really have not had that many exciting sexual experiences. I already told y... Continue»
Posted by Exakta66 4 years ago  |  Categories: Celebrities, Sex Humor  |  
  |  1

Disgraceful soft sex with my cousin

This is not exaggeration, this is based on my story of 1993. I feel
ashamed, cause she my cousin s****r. I shouldn't have done this to
her. I am from South Tamil Nadu.
It was in my semester vacation of my first year, and she was studying
Ninth Std. It all started from this point, in the night before my
s****r's marriage, she looked as if an angel. She is a medium
complexion, but...but really beautiful mean it. She was wearing silk
blow and the bottom (pattu pavadai). I was instructed to look after
the k**s who were playing on the Marriage's hall terrace. I saw my
cousin s****r playing... Continue»
Posted by Zz611 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Tight Pussy Dutch Hookers

Several years back, I took a lot of regular business trips to the Netherlands, where I would have to stay on business for several weeks at a time. My business would typically have me stay in a smaller inland city. The days and the hours were long, with business dinners every evening keeping me constantly occupied.

One weekend on a particularly long trip, I went on a walk to explore the town I was in. I’d occasionally run into a sex shop and I’d go in to browse the magazines. I’d sometimes stop and look through the European porn magazines that would show much more kink than American ma... Continue»
Posted by nvision 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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Special Stuffing-Happy Thanksgiving

" I can't beleive I'm doing this"
A thick wet slap resounds from the steel sink. It is followed by a moist gurgle and then the sound of wet suction followed by another wet slap.
"Don't throw out the gizzards, they're for the gravy."
A trilling giggle hits my ear next, then something heavy and slimy.I turn my head to be met with a slick fleshy column of skin bending towards me.
"That's the neck.Rinse it off and put it in the skilllhehehet." I laugh, pushing her arm towards the sink.
Giggling, she emerses her long fingers beneath the shooting water faucet and rubs them up and down the di... Continue»
Posted by lookyloo 4 years ago  |  Categories: Lesbian Sex, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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More Confessions of the Locker Room

With my sky blue sports bag in hand, I travelled to my football team's training ground. I made sure to arrive just before half 8 in the morning, ready for our 9am departure time to take on our next opponents in a crucial league game. As I walked, I kept thinking about what had happened between me and Hannah in the showers yesterday evening. I was a little nervous about what we'll say when we see

I walked through the small iron gates and headed into the lunchroom where most of my
teammates were sat about, talking and joking.

"Hey Sam." Hannah called, sitting on top of the... Continue»
Posted by LittleMissFart 2 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  
  |  1

I bet he won't do this again

lilbigal 2 minutes ago.


She is a 22 years old single, bisexual female

I was at this club the other night and I noticed this guy staring at me. He was very cute but with another girl. Everytime she wasn't looking at him he would look over at me and give me the lets fuck look. I was sitting at a table where he could see me spreading and then closing my legs wide for him. I love teasing guys and girls. When his gf got up to go do something he looked over and I spread my legs and ran my middle finger up and down a few times on my blue jeaned slit, and then licked my f... Continue»
Posted by lilbigal 3 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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I was a very happy man.
My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year.
So we decided to get married.

There was only one little thing bothering me..

It was her beautiful younger s****r, Sofia.

My prospective s****r-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was Bra-less.

She would regularly bend down when she was near me.
I always got more than a nice view.

It had to be deliberate.
She never did it around anyone else.

One day she called me and asked me to come over.
'To check my s****r's wedding- invitatio... Continue»
Posted by tetamata 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
  |  2

new bike

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.

Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him. "No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word." She tells him, "Our f****y had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven't done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them."

Steve sits down for dinner and It is ... Continue»
Posted by bluechaser31 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Daily Commute

This is my first story and not much of a writer but had an interesting incident this morning so I thought I'd share with you all.

I commute daily from home to work by train like most people living in Japan.
As you all may know, the trains are crammed during rush hour and your touching someone's back or shoulder.

It's like being in a can of sardines.

Anyway, so I get on the train this morning and like always it is crammed.

It is filled with sweaty men and I have been living in Japan for about 6 years now but still can't get used to having a sweaty guys back rubbing against my back.... Continue»
Posted by drpepper23 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Me and the Indian prostitute

when im not getting sex from girls i pick up, i have to pay for sex. i do this because i love sex and i have money. the type of prostitute i most like are indian prostitutes. here in the uk you have to look hard as its not the sort of thing that good indian girls do.

the first indian prostitute i had sex with was manisha. i walked into the whore house and out came this beautiful bitch with big tits. she told me her name and how much it would cost me. i paid her £50 (about Rs 4000) for 30 mins of her time.

she led me in
... Continue»
Posted by bava12 1 year ago  |  Categories: Anal, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  


by jjcole©

A lost art, whittling. Passed on from father to son, though in my f****y it had skipped a generation. I learned it from my grandfather. My father thought of it as a waste of time. Granddad taught me to use it as a thinking tool.

I had been doing this it seemed all my life. I would go to the backyard with a block of soft wood and my sharpened pocketknife and work problems through my head. Sometimes I would just daydream. The thinking and daydreams would end when the block of wood had become a discernible object. Over the years I had become good enough that some of my w... Continue»
Posted by colejj 4 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
  |  2


I read this profile online one day and it quoted an article about sucking dick and swallowing jizz. I wish that I had seen it many many years ago. I could have shown it to my wife as an inducement for her to give me head, like when we were single and she was trying to persuade me to marry her!
The author is unknown to me, however, I think it's worth sharing, so here it is:
Depression: According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND among people suffering from depression, many felt much better after sucking a Dick. This is because Dick juice contains a protein that the body converts into se... Continue»
Posted by bobapple 1 month ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  

Getting Caught

I was chatting with a fellow xhamster member, sharing experiences, and when I told about this one, she said I had to post it for everyone to read. Hope you like it as much as she did!

I met this guy on a gay site, and we chatted for a bit before setting up a meeting at his place. We both had a panty fetish and he told me he loved to sniff his 19yr old duaghter's and his wife's, and said it would be hot to watch me sniff them as he blew me. I agreed and we met the next day. His wife was at work, and his daughter, who was home for the summer from college, was meetining friends at t... Continue»
Posted by panteeluvr 5 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Gay Male, Sex Humor  |  
  |  1

Dennis The Menace: - Alice, The Mardi Gras Gang-b

Dennis The Menace: - Alice, The Mardi Gras Gang-bang Whore
by Sniper32

At a collage in California, three sorority s****rs were sitting around in
there bedroom talking. "Finals are done, so where are we going to go for
Spring Break this year?" Blondie asked.

"Well there's Tijuana or Cancun" Rita said.

"How about skiing in Aspen, that would be fun, or we could go to Ft.
Lauderdale, but that's a pretty wild place" Alice said shyly.

"We've been to Tijuana dozens of times, Cancun was fun until we drank the
water and all got sick, and Ft. Lauderdale was a blast last year, but ... Continue»
Posted by sniper32 3 years ago  |  Categories: Celebrities, Group Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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you can learn a lot from a tutor

It was my third year of university, in the field of immunology, and i was sitting in my tutorial. It was my only class for the friday, so i was relatively awake.the course itself wasnt overly difficult, it was merely a lot to remember. I was sitting in my tutorial, looking at my fellow classmates, nothing over the top, just average people, more guys than anything. there was however a rather cute asian girl sitting to my left. with long flowing black hair, framing a slightly tanned face. her tits were small, as most asian girls are, her legs however were heaven, long, slender and completely hai... Continue»
Posted by jpvk123 4 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Fetish, Sex Humor  |  
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Top 10 porn myths.

10 - High Heels.
Women wear high heels to bed.

9 - Going Down
When going down on a woman, 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.

8 - Ugly Middle-Aged Men
Women enjoy having sex with ugly middle-aged men.

7 - Suck It
When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".

6 - Busted
When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking the both of you.

5 - Oh Yeah
Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.

4 - Enjoyable Sexual Practice
A common and enjoyable sexual practice ... Continue»
Posted by diriculous 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Slutty Sarah and the dirty tramp (hobo)

Well Chris, Sarah’s new boyfriend, did you ask her about that tramp she exposed herself to, that I mentioned in the last episode of Sarah, your slutty new girlfriend? No? Or maybe she just went quiet and denied it ever happened. Well, it certainly did. And here’s what she did.

Sarah didn’t mention again her idea of exposing herself to a dirty tramp (hobo, for you American guys), for quite some weeks. But I thought it might still be on her mind. And it was. One early Friday evening in the summer, Sarah suddenly said ‘You know that tramp thing we mentioned, I want to do it, right now... Continue»
Posted by KevinGraves2 2 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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When reading this it must be read with a ITALIAN ACCENT....

One day I go to Toronto and stay in a bigga hotel.
I go down to eat soma breakfast. I tella the waitress I wanna two
pissa toast. She bring me only one piss.
I tella her I wanna two piss; she say, go to toilet - I say, you no
understand, I wanna two piss on my plate. She say you betta no piss on
plate, you sonna ma b*tch! I don't even know lady, she calla me somma
ma b*tch.
Then I go to pharmacia with a cougha. The man he give me candy ana
tell me fa cough! - I don't even know man ana he tella me FA COUGH!
Lat... Continue»
Posted by papa61 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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