Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 64

joke... about a qay parrot


A guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop.

After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch; it doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says out loud, "Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"

"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."

"Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and answered me."

"I understand every word," says the parrot. "I am a highly intelligent and thoroughly educated bird."

"Yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this: how do you hang onto ... Continue»
Posted by papa61 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 783  |  
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Shower Her With Something

Recently I made an unexpected big splash in our new neighborhood. We just moved to a new home the end of this past week. The home was a former model home and it was the largest of the three model homes in a model center that was sold off and the previous office. So, naturally the home has all the bells and whistles. Well, that is except one thing... they disarmed the alarm system when we closed on the house. I noticed this when we were opening and closing the door constantly moving furniture in the front door. I wasn’t hearing the high pitched “beep” I used to hear when we first viewed the hou... Continue»
Posted by bigsoftee 2 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 783  |  
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My second one.. This was with my social..mam

I already shared with u guys my expirience with my science..mam and this s with my social mam.. I liked her..very much...
She s in her 40s .married but din have a c***d :( :)... but truth s that she s dam sexy...i always daydream at her..and result is fail in my exams.. So i get a chance to attend her remedials..around 10 students accompany me in her..class.. Oh i forget to say her character ,she s very strict ..she use to debate for all the topic.. So i know if i could get her in a sexy argument then i can win her.. .. I was waitin for a rite day..i said all my friends that lets bunk the re... Continue»
Posted by Michaelzoron 4 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  Views: 782  |  
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Some might think...

Guys always say that it's easy for a woman to get some dick. Maybe that's true but then, what kind of dick is she gonna get ? Tonight, alone, k**s gone to their dad's, making some calls to some guys, but no one is answering their cell. Call up my Jamaican friend, n/a, call up my African friend, n/a, call up my American friend who's in S.A. and he says he'll call me back, but then, no news.

Oh ! almost forgot, I called up two different Haitian guys, but N/A !! lol

So, I figure, I'm gonna smoke some weed, watch a porn and play with myself but realize, after I start watching this vid that ... Continue»
Posted by BCBYATCH 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 781  |  
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Working Holiday

Just back for a works tip to Spain, 11 days in a place i wont name as I dont want to give the game away, but I had a great time.

Last time I was there was a lads holiday 9 years ago, this time I ended up with a house to myself because the guy who was supposed to cover the job was planning on bringing his wife and k** so the house was booked, when he dropped out I said I would do it.

Ended up in a nice house with a little pool, was not too busy around there so no neighbors to complain. Good stuff.

Like I said I was there on a lds holiday years ago and had a bit of cunt (english & scott... Continue»
Posted by happy_wanking 2 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 781  |  
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How To Behave After Sex

Step 1: Advice for him

You may feel that you have expressed yourself quite enough, perhaps you have expressed yourself a number of times, and feel spent. But it's essential you stay awake for long enough to make her feel loved. You may have to fight the urge to sl**p, but remember now it's time for her to unload all over you.

Speed up the process by making encouraging noises and agreeing to everything she says. The Past Master of this was Marlon Brando, who put his incredible success with women down to the pose of propping himself up on his elbow, which made him look interested in whatev... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 780  |  
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Sex tutoring mother and daughter





After my PG I joined a nationalised bank in Chennai. I was new to this place and people refused to give rooms to outsiders without proper introduction. I roamed around an finally got one room in a dingy locality with bathroom facility Somehow I wanted to stay and I thought I can change the room later to a convenient location.

My neighbour an elderly man working in a private firm, once asked me whether I am willing to take tuition for a college going girl for mat
... Continue»
Posted by bava12 9 months ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 785  |  
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Smart Boy ...



Old man sitting on his front porch in Louisiana watching the sunrise
sees the neighbor's k** walk by carrying something big under his arm.
He yells out, "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
The boy yells back, "Roll of chicken wire."
The old man says, "What you gonna do with that?"
The boy says, "Catch some chickens."
The old man yells, "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with
chicken wire!"
The boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's
surprise, he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30
chicke... Continue»
Posted by papa61 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 779  |  
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"A Day In A Life"

Bill had left for work an hour earlier. His last action before shutting the door was a perfunctory kiss on her cheek as he hurried out the door, his mind already occupied on the day's events. Again, he had missed the significance of her squeeze on his upper arm; again he missed entirely, the questioning look she gave his retreating back.

"Jay; get up, you're going to be late." Jean shouted at the top of her voice over the edge of the banister. Jamie was a typical angst ridden teenage young man, lazy and disinclined to venture out of bed before the last minute, or he had ... Continue»
Posted by fotoplace 5 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  Views: 779  |  
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Xmas Pussy Party

Attended a friends Xmas party and boy did it turn into strip poker. Party lasted until 4am. 8 females and 10 guys. Everybody got fucked, pussy ate and dicks sucked. I mean dicks were getting sucked left and right. I saw one girl with dick up her assz that dick was huge. It was good clean fun. I got my pussy ate and ass hole licked. Then some much needed dick from my date. He was so excited. He had never been to such a party were one minute you was dancing and partying then next getting some ass. I took him in the a room with another female had her suck his dick some more. Then he stuck it in m... Continue»
Posted by Phatpussy714 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 778  |  
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ibiza night

It was 2002,I took a holiday to Ibiza with a girl I had been seeing for about a month,kind of a fuck buddy thing going on,well,to me it was. We booked the holiday for 10 days so there was plenty of time to fit a lot in,but mainly we were there for the clubs,the pills and the thrills,anyone that's been to ibiza will know what i'm talking about.Back home we were serious into clubbing too,that was our lifestyle cos we were young and enjoying ourselves.

Anyway one night we were out,I think it was at ''Space'',a well known club in ibiza, when we bumped into a group of girls from back home.I didn... Continue»
Posted by soupinapothot 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 778  |  
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Close call.

So the other day me and my girlfriend were home and her mom and b*****r stopped by the house real quick to bring us something for us. Well, when the 3 of them were in the living room I went to me and my girlfriends bedroom to get my phone, let's say I didn't get close to the phone. I was in the mood to fuck and cum on some heels, which I wished I would have had the camera. So while they're still in the living room I dig through our closet and get out the victim: A beautiful 4 inch, Nine West, black leather round toe heel(Yeah I gave the brand and type of heel, gotta make a story great with det... Continue»
Posted by shoeluvr 2 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  Views: 779  |  
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Being nude short story

I thought I share this story of being nude in not your normal place, anyone a nudist? This is just a little story about a kinky fetishism I came up with about me it maybe a little interesting to you but I just wonder if other people have done anything like this I have been finding out how fun it is to be nude in a strange place to be nude at all. . I have always enjoyed being nude but not in proper places like nudist beaches or camps of any kind so I can't call myself a nudist. Very few times have I been nude with other's in a semi-nonsexual way it's, mostly all been sexual with partners or f... Continue»
Posted by lov2dancecpl 2 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 778  |  
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Russian Shemales 3: The Revenge

I am asking the translator what that means: The Revenge. There is no revenge in my story! And she says it is a kind of joke. Like the Electric Boogaloo. I do not understand why that is funny, but she is telling me to trust her, and continue with my story.

When we grew awake in the morning, Svetlana wanted more sexy sexy time, but I said to not. Because Mr. Aronoff would be there soon to pick us up for the bus ride back to home. Svetlana, who looked more like Serge in the morning, said quietly, he did not want to go back home. I pushed him into the shower to wash off the cosmetics fro... Continue»
Posted by TransContinental 7 months ago  |  Categories: Gay Male, Sex Humor, Shemales  |  Views: 776  |  
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Grinding my teeth to a Sex technique

When I was a c***d I was told more than one time to stop grinding my teeth. One day,

while I lay in bed as a boy, grinding my teeth thoughtlessly! I loved the way it made my teeth just vibrate, and the shaking

that went through my gums, but then that scrilling voice came, from my parents room," Stop Grinding your god-dam- teeth, or

pitch a tent in the yard, and sl**p in it, I am trying to sl**p!" I had been yelled at for the last time over this kind creepy

hobby of mine! So, I started re channeling the energy to nibbling the end of my... Continue»
Posted by lotsoflots 1 year ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Hardcore  |  Views: 775  |  
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Home coming

Zak skillfully maneuvered the big Lincoln through a maze of traffic and on to the off ramp of the expressway! As he slid into local traffic he adjusted the radio for some easy listening and thought to himself, "Almost home, and boy am I tired and hungry, and what a day, non stop from eight until six, I hope Katie has something good ready for supper!!!" He thought about Katie and how lucky he had been to meet someone so beautiful and smart at the same time, and how after three years of marriage just the mere sight of her naked body nearly drove him insane with lust!!! Finally he turned onto Car... Continue»
Posted by snake_500011 1 year ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 773  |  
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Sex With Tuition Teacher’s Sexy Mom



[bMy name is kumar (name changed) and i was 16 years old i was studying diploma in B’lore. When i was failed in 5 subjects my mom send to tuition in my near home.my tuition teacher name is pooja and she is studying in engg final year and her mom name is sridevi with a big whitish boobs big ass white navel.let me describe the story

One day when my grand father died my f****y has gone to my village due to my exams i was in tuition teacher’s home. By that her husban... Continue»
Posted by bava12 1 year ago  |  Categories: Interracial Sex, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 778  |  
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Dear Mum

Dear Mum,

Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and got worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sl**ping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened.

Oh yes, please call Adam's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue Jeeps. It was great. We never would have found Adam in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning.

Scoutmaster Ted got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone withou... Continue»
Posted by seedsurf 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 771  |  
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how i lost my v

i was a bit young and for legal reasons im not telling you my age when i lost my virginaty but i will tell you this, NEVER FUCK A GIRL THAT HAS A STUPID s****r. it was a wednesday and i was walking to my girlfriends house to do.. you know, we enter the house to find only her cat and some beer bottes by her stairs, we disposed the beer bottles and went to her bed room, i startid to kiss her and she pulled my top of, i started to toach her breasts and get more and more sexual towards her, she pulled my trousers down leaving my pants and socks,then she took her top of and skirt, i un-hooked her b... Continue»
Posted by mrhuggibearzz 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 770  |  
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Bare Beach By Bicycle

For foxy female friends - by Petra, granddod of Poet Pete, who hosts me here

I invite her for a trip to the beach by bicycle. I make sure she takes the racing bike up front.
I guide her through the greenery to the dunes through a natural park to the almost deserted beach.
I love to look at her legs and ass move up and down while she wheels just two meters ahead of me.
I wonder whether I should have asked her not to wear anything underneath that sexy short skirt?

I will get her wet when we bake in the sun on the warm sand almost out of view for shore walkers.
I already know how... Continue»
Posted by petdyke 1 year ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 770  |  
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