Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 5
Dennis The Menace: Part 3 - Joey's Mom
One morning at Dennis's friend Joey's house, Joey woke up and went down
stairs to make some breakfast for himself. He then went into the living room
to watch his Saturday morning cartoons and to eat his cereal. He found his
mother Rita passed out on the couch. This was quite common as Rita was the
neighborhood d***k. Joey found her passed out some where in the house 2-3
times a week, so this did not surprise him. What did surprise him was this
morning she was past out wearing nothing but her bathrobe, which had fallen
open duri... Continue»
My girlfriend’s mother
You have all read stories about girlfriend’s mothers and mothers in law etc. well here is another that tells the tale of a lady who later became my mother in law for the selfish reason that I enjoyed the close relationship with both her and her s****rs as well as the girlfriend who later became my wife.
I had been going out with Gillian for about 2 months when her father ran off with his girlfriend and set up home on the south coast of England, wife and daughter were devastated, I couldn’t understand it because Ruth, Gillian’s mother was a fabulous looking woman, g... Continue»
I was taking a shower one day.
Suddenly my at that time 2 year old son came into the bathroom and he had wrapped himself in toilet paper.
Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so i ran for my camera and took a few shots.
They came out so well that i had copies made and included one with each of the Christmas cards that year.
Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically, and suggesting that i take a closer look.
Puzzled, i stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to my son, i had captured my reflection in the mirror wearing... Continue»
Snuck out of parents house a week before my 15th birthday. 1988. Walked to the party in the surfer-laden suburbs of Lake Forest (yep, the OC baby!). Was wearing thin peach top with black bra underneath, and short black 80s skirt that had those 3 ruffles tiered down it. Was blonde. Was very blonde due to Sun-In. Was tan. Was pretty fucking cute. Was being very brave because I hung out with punks, losers, dorks and retards but I really wanted to lose my virginity to a boy based solely on his looks, since I couldn't find one who was worth my time, and I was fucking horny living among all those pl... Continue»
When I was in seventh grade, a f****y moved in next door. Their son was one grade ahead of me. We lived in a rural place where there were not a lot of people around. I didn't have any b*****rs or s****rs, and he didn't either, so we became best friends.
One summer day, Tommy called me because he was home alone. His parents had to take a trip to a place 100 miles away. It was for grown-up business and he would have been bored so he did not go. He asked me to come over. So I did.
We talked for awhile, and then he asked me if I could keep a secret. I said yes, and he told me that he had a s... Continue»
(Mother-in-law fills a need)
Julie's water broke at 3:00 a.m., and Luke's day went more or less downhill from there. Despite April's journey down the same canal a year and a half earlier and rigorous attendance at Lamaze classes, Julie's cervix remained stuck at three centimeters for most of the day. At 4:00 p.m., when the baby's heart began showing signs of stress, the exhausted mother-to-be was rushed to the OR for an emergency Caesarian, and Luke was left alone to prepare himself as best he could for the birth of his second c***d. At loose ends and in need of the assurance of something f... Continue»
Well Chris, Sarah’s new boyfriend, did you ask Sarah about how much she loves to be watched while she’s having sex? No? Well ask her about this:
Sarah and I were on holiday, in a small villa. It was nice but there was another villa alongside it, so the garden and pool weren’t private. That didn’t stop Sarah lying topless in the garden, though, her nice firm tits on show, should anyone be staying in the villa next door and to be in one of the upstairs rooms.
We were lying on sun-beds, by the pool. I’d bought a new camera and was reading through the instruction book to find out ho... Continue»
This is a short story about my first sexual experience. Happened when I was 15.
My s****r was the year above me at school. She was one of the popular ones mainly because everyone wanted to fuck her, which most of my mates liked to remind me as often as they could. Didn't feel that way myself, but that did mean she had some hot mates.
One of them was Susan, she had long brown hair, nice smile and hazel eyes that could gave a suggestive dirty wink.
Susan and my s****r were working on a school assignment over a weekend. So it was agreed that Susan would stay the weekend. This was the fi... Continue»
Fucking my Roomate
I was 22 and I remember it was the day before my roommate's birthday. For the sake of the story let's call her Hillary. She is a lesbian (but I had heard stories of her fucking guys a couple of times). Good looking, great body (she was really athletic), and an admitted slut. But I had known her for so long it wasn't really a big deal. I did my thing, she did hers, and I never really thought about fucking her because she always talked about how sex with guys was "gross" that I guess I put a wall up. Besides I was more interested in girls I actually thought I had ... Continue»
I have always been a very horny guy. My wife on the other hand is fairly reserved, although she loves getting her pussy licked and really gets into it once she is hot. I have always been a little kinky and kept pushing my wife to be more ad.
Last month I finally talked her into going to an adult bookstore with me in Louisville. She had never been to one and was embarrassed but i finally convinced her to try it.
We arrived at the bookstore and began to look at the video's and toys. There were a couple of young guys in there and they were eyeing my wife. She got embarrassed and said she wa... Continue»
I'm an accomplished piano player for my age. I won't say pianist because I'm not that talented but I've had many years of training, starting with lessons at the age of five from my piano teacher mom.
Mom is a stay-at-home wife who always supplemented our f****y income through piano lessons, provided (mostly) to the members of our parish which produced a fresh crop of students each year. For years, I watched Mom teach other k**s, from beginners to graduates just surpassing their teacher's ability. We often attended recitals at our church to hear these students regale our f... Continue»
Me and my girl friend which theres a photo of her on my profile.We were at a party and drinking heavely. A guy which we did not know at all was braging on how his wife sucks the best dick. So me of course d***k said really whip it out and I told my girl friend to suck his cock ! I couldnt beleave it but she droped rite to her knees and started sucking his cock in frount of 22 other men and 4 women! The guy blew his load in less then 1 minute all over her face and in her mouth. She showed everybody there the load in her mouth then swallowed his load of course then clean the rest off her face wi... Continue»
My wife and I have been divorced for a few months and we divide our c***ds custody every other week. This weekend my ex was going out with some of her girlfriends to a local bar that was only a few blocks from my apartment. It was the middle of the night when I was woken up by a loud pounding on the door. Checking through the peep hole I could see my ex dressed like the slut I knew her to be weaving back and forth d***k off her ass. I opened the door quickly before she could pound on the door again and possibly wake our son who was sl**ping in his room. I opened the door and she staggered... Continue»
Sex Trek: Voyeur (A Sexual Parody of Star Trek Voyager)
by Miss Swallows.com
(The names have been changed slightly for copyright infringement avoidance.)
Captains Log Star date 9801.01
It has been several years since we’ve made our trek back home to the Alpha Quadrant. The crew’s morale lately has been low and I must say something is going to have to be done to boost it soon, or we’re going to be in trouble. People are reporting late for their stations, sl**ping longer, eating less; I don’t know w... Continue»
After my divorce from my 2ND wife; I had to stay with my parents; while the former owners of my new house moved out. I slept in their spare bedroom. I always sl**p in the nude; I don't own a pair of pj's; since I always go commando; I don't own any underwear either. One Saturday morning I slept late; since I didn't have to work. It had been a hot night , and I had kicked off all the covers. I was sl**ping on my back dreaming about my new girlfriend. and had an erection. My Mother came to wake me for a late breakfast and opened the door without knocking. I didn't awaken immediately; so she step... Continue»
I was looking to make some extra cash, as I was recently “down sized” at my job at the finance company. Living in this fairly well to do middle class neighborhood was difficult so I took any odd jobs that came my way. Being a skilled carpenter, a trade I learned from my father and his father before him, I was able to take on a few nice projects. But all in all I still needed additional income. Hence, why I decided to take on the role of Santa Claus this Christmas.
My neighbors are pretty affluent, always jet setting here and there. Tom is the V.P. of a major company and constantly... Continue»
This story is heavily based on true events that's happened in my life.
It all started on a sunny afternoon, I was 18 years old still living at home with my mum, my little step-b*****r was staying over with us for the week. His name's Charlie, 16 years old and he's not related to me by bl**d, just by marriage. I knew he had the hots for me, well who could blame him!
We only knew eachother for a few years, and he really thought I was into him, of course being a lesbian I was certainly NOT interested in him, but that ... Continue»
Walk past the girl. There is an approximate 4x10-4% chance she may stop you and talk to you for some reason. You're in!
Cut your wrists and start dying. She might notice you, and possibly help you. This technique has the added benefit that if the girl chooses to help you, she's a nice girl AND you're in!
Mug her and steal her handbag. Girls like tough guys. Besides, the possibility that you're trying to get into her pants may be the LAST thing to come into her mind. You're In!
Example pick-up lines
Main article: Worst 100 Pick-Up Lines of All Time
Uncle Sam knows what he wants.
Got a... Continue»
There were three daughters and they all wanted to get married but they couldn't afford it and neither could there parents. So the parents said "We will give you all a joint wedding and then you will all be able to get married".
So they got married and all three daughters then said "I want a honeymoon but we cant afford it". The parents couldn't afford it either so they deiced they would have the honeymoon at their parents house.
So on there honeymoon night their mother woke up and deiced to go downstairs and get a drink. On the way down she heard the first daughter screaming but she jut... Continue»
(The perfect game for lowering inhibitions is invented)
When I was 23 years old, I invented the perfect adult party game.
There may be some situations where other games may be preferred, but for my purposes (and probably yours) this was the greatest game ever. I have dozens of friends and partners who will back my claim.
I never chose to share it, rather saving it for my own purposes, but now you will learn the secret that worked so well, so many times for yours truly. It started with a couple of friends, and was refined under use many times and I can proudly state that nine times out... Continue»