Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 15
Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they struck up a conversation. The Black Labrador turned to the yellow Labrador and said >> " So why are you here ? "
The yellow Lab replied, " I'm a pisser. I piss on everything....the sofa, the curtains, the cat, the k**s. But the final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed."
The black Lab said, " So what?s the vet going to do ? "
" Gonna cut my nuts off " came the reply from the yellow Lab. "They reckon it'll calm me down."
The Yellow Lab then turned to the Black Lab and asked " why ar... Continue»
I was three years out of highschool and between jobs. A guy I went to school with got a job as a substitute teacher in a school a few towns over and told me they were looking for subs to replace recently dismissed faculty. It didn't take long to get my teaching certificate, I was already qualified thanks to a bachelors degree in American History. When I myself was in Highschool I was by no means popular. I had braces and acne and weighed 250 pounds. After I graduated I decided to get healthy, by dieting and hitting the gym regularly I lost a hundred pounds of body fat and gained 25 pounds of m... Continue»
Once again, not a story from my own hand, I found it here and thought you might enjoy it: http://www.peacockblue.com/Viorel/bio.php?id=20
Ethan stood at his locker, leaning back against the wall. The school looked different from his new perspective, and he wasn't sure what it was that was different. It was the first day of classes in his senior year. He looked around at the people he had known since grade school. How odd to see them all so grown-up and mature-looking. He was eighteen now. On the other hand, the new freshmen looked like c***dren, not high school students. He didn't recall f... Continue»
My Story (My Husband's Corrections)
It was a Friday night, my husband Joe and I were taken into Club 20.
I had a good feeling, and was reasonably relaxed, although there were many men who looked at me.
First we stood at the bar and got a cup of coffee. We talked a little with a high, slightly bald guy in the fortieth, Jens. We had seen him on a previous visit, on a couple evening, with his wife.
Soon after, we went into the film room, which was dark and only the film lit up a bit.
There was room on one of the front sofas where Jens already sat, and I sat down in the middle between him an... Continue»
(Rewrite of a story I made a long time ago)*
"Dick, you must find a way to help me," complained Sarah to her husband. She felt she was fat and needed help to shape up.
Dick was happy his plan was working. He had deliberately made comments to give her that impression, that she was fat and needed to exercise to reduce her weight.
"You are not really that fat," said her husband, deliberately sounding unconvincing.
"Oh yes, I am! You yourself have said that many times," insisted Sarah. "I weigh 150 lbs! And my breast are so big!"
"But you are... well, perhaps a bit stout, but you ha... Continue»
Life is strange to say the least. Take the situation
that now exists between my wife and me. Amber and I
have been married almost seven years now, but out
relationship has changed more in the last six months
than it did in the first six years. Let me explain how
my present predicament began. I guess in a sense
everything that has happened to me has been my fault.
I should have left well enough alone, you see I'm
married to a 25 year old fox of a wife. Her name is
Amber and I've been with her ever since she was 16
years old. She had never known any other man but me and
I was working away from home for several weeks staying in a small hotel near Oxford in England, I quickly got fed up of watching British TV , it is absolutely rubbish. So I started to go to bars or pubs as the Brits call them, the beer was fantastic compared to the crap we get in Canada. Friday and Saturday nights the pubs were full of young people enjoying themselves, there was one pub which seemed to attract more mature women than the others did so I made this my local watering hole. I am a 47 year old straight male, I don't like queers but I can cope with lesbians no problem, this bar was a... Continue»
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.
A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.
Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing th... Continue»
This is a true story it happens over 50 years ago before all the news an information regarding sexual predators, gays and bisexuality. I am now 65 years old still horny but much wiser about various facts of life. Here is my story about my first sexual experiences, good or bad I let you decide
A Friend and I were hitching home from school in those days it was fairly common practice then, often it would take a couple of different rides before we reached our respective homes. This day we hadn’t been hitching long when a man picked us both up an told us he was heading straight down the road a... Continue»
My first time dressed as a girl (This is a true story, the conversations in it are only as accurate as my memory can supply, as this happened Thirty years ago)
When I was s*******n I was dating a girl from the local college. I lived in a medium sized college town in a western state and it was 1983. It was Halloween weekend and we were both drinking some wine coolers she’d bought, the drinking age was eighteen at the time and she was nineteen, and smoking some pot I had brought over. We had planned on going to a party at a local frat house but it had gotten cancelled because the police had ra... Continue»
With the invention of the internet, you don’t see to many adult bookstores anymore and the ones you do see and nearly empty. Why leave the comfort of your home when you can download endless quantities of porn for free. I still go once in a while to pick up a new magazine or buy some lube. I just turned 19 years old and like most young guys I had a hard-on that wouldn't stop no matter how much I jacked off. So today I decided to visit a new bookstore because the one I used frequent closed about two months ago.
Inside out smelled like a wet ashtray. I was nervous as I walked through the rac... Continue»
This is the time during the night that I miss you most of all.
When you’re here licking my cock and sucking on my balls.
I can hear your erotic cries and I can hear you having a fit,
I can hear you losing your mind whenever I’m sucking on your clit.
I feel your breath upon my skin, your eyes locked into me.
Although the room is very dark, I wonder what you see.
Your soft caress reaches out, touching me as I touch you,
My fingers reach your lava hot snatch as I start to finger you.
I hear you moan my name as you move about,
Then I fingered you even harder as you cried out loud.
I ... Continue»
It all started with an obscene phone call.
Heidi had been babysitting our five-year-old son since he was a crib-bound infant but the whole time she worked for us was an ever ascending level of torture for me as her form rapidly changed from cute unisex to eighteen-year-old mega-hottie. When she called me to tell me about the call it came as no surprise to me since the caller had just put into words all the thoughts I'd been having for years.
When she said, however, that it was the third such call that evening I could hear the tension in her voice. I could already see that my wife was we... Continue»
WHEN I WAS 13 I USE TO GET IN TROUBLE ALOT. SO MY MOM SENT ME TO LIVE WITH HER AUNT. SHE WAS OLD SCHOOL..... WHEN I MEAN OLD SCHOOL SHE WOULD BEAT MY ASS FOR ANY LITTLE THING I DID OUT OF LINE. WELL THIS ONE TIME IT WAS EARLY Saturday MORNING. I HAD A MORNING WOOD THAT JUST WOULDN'T GO WAY! SO I STARTED TO JERK IT...... BRINGING A NOT SO QUIET MOAN FROM MY LIPS................ NO WAY SHE HERD ME. SHE GOES OUT ON THE PORCH AND DRINKS HER COFFEE. I WAS REALLY GETTING INTO IT......WHEN I HERD A SCREAM!! YOU DIRTY LIL FU#KER!! SHE YANKED ME UP PUT ME OVER HER KNEES. I WAS ALREADY CRYING NOT THI... Continue»
This is a true story, my first time writing as well. Happened in the winter of 2011. Makes me laugh whenever I think about it, haven't told friends so I would like to share with someone lol.
It was a Saturday on a very cold, typical Alberta winter night. Roommate and I had just finished a long hitch of OT. Decided to unwind have some drinks at the house and head to a club. Usual time looking for women and hitting the drinks hard lol
Met a few nice ladies, added a few new contacts in the cell, but no action.
Left the club decided to walk away from the crowd in hopes of flagging a cab.
To begin with, i am 22 years old Gujju boy from Ahmedabad. Well-built athlete body and well to do looks. Any unsatisfied s****rs/aunties/bhabhis from all over the Gujarat can contact me at youtubemate@gmail.Com. You’ll definitely have the best sex of your life, that is guaranteed, that too free of cost. Coz i believe in making women happy..!!
It all began last month when my b*****r went abroad due to business. Bhabhi was okay 1-2 days, but then she started feeling lonely and she used to whatsapp me “whats up..? Em getting bore
Just Being Neighborly
I first had a chance to meet our new neighbor when we were both getting our mail out of our adjoined mailboxes one day around noon. Looking her over she had a bit of a very tired look on her face but from the neck down she was hot. She was wearing sandals, really short shorts and a pullover white shirt cut at the waist and the neckline was torn down rather low. Allowing her to be the first one to get the mail I watched as she stooped over to grab hers. I got a pretty clear look down that the neckline of that torn shirt and saw nothing but cleavage. No bra and no tan l... Continue»
It was the last day of my vacation, i was 16 (two years ago). My dad, mom, b*****r, aunty and uncle were getting ready to leave me in the airport, it takes 5 hours to come to the airport from my city. My uncle was driving the van and my b*****r was sitting near him, my mom and dad was sitting on the second row and my aunt and me was sitting on the last row. We started our 5 hours trip. After around 30 minutes my aunt touched my hand and slowly she takes our hands near her pussy. Then suddenly she gave me a rapid kiss on the lips and she put my hand under shirt and with her hand she was touchin... Continue»
I found myself standing in front of my bedroom window watching the first sliver of Dawn break on the horizon. Like clockwork the door slowly opened, "Wakey Wakey my Angel." my mother said sliding in with a tray of breakfast. "Oh you're up already...oh well Happy Birthday." she said handing me the tray. "Chocolate Chip Pancakes with sausage and pure Maple syrup..." "And a tall glass of milk to wash it down...thanks ma." I said taking a sip. "That's not all." she said reaching into her pocket. "I promised your father I'd give this to you when you were old enough." she said handing me a small box... Continue»
There is this senior in high-school and he is mad because he has to share his room with his b*****r, Little Johnny, who is 9. They have bunk-beds and the older b*****r is on top...so one night the big b*****r comes home with his girlfriend for a little fun....he says to her.."My lil b*****r is asl**p, whisper tomato for harder and lettuce for a different position."
So they get up in the top bunk and begin getting it on, she begins saying lettuce, tomato, lettuce, tomato, lettuce, tomato." eventually she begins to yell "LETUCE, TOMATO, LETTUCE, TOMATO" finally the Little Johnny wak... Continue»