Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 110
It was September and as it was my birthday, I had booked Jan for my birthday treat - an afternoon of sexual lust at her discreetly located house in the suburbs. I had made several visits before and we had explored and enjoyed each other's bodies getting more adventurous each time. I onw counted as one of her "regulars".
When I rang to make the booking, Jan (always the true professional) uttered those five sexy words which are always a big turn-on, "How do you want me?". Well, on previous occasions I had tried the usual: black stockings and bra; a basque with her tits deliciously exposed; an... Continue»
Bad: You find a porn movie in your son's room.
Worse: You're in it.
Bad: Your c***dren are sexually active.
Worse: With each other.
Good: The teacher likes your son.
Good: You go to see a strip show.
Bad: Your daughter's the headliner.
Good: Your boyfriend's exercising.
Bad: So he'll fit in your clothes.
Good: Your daughter's on the Pill.
Bad: She's eleven.
Good: Your wife meets you at the door nude.
Bad: She's coming home.
Once a upon a time, a long long time ago yesterday in fact. Today I began my plan to catch the elusive one. The one who rescues clothespins from clotheslines. The plan was a simple one to string up 7 clotheslines facing the wind knowing that if she was near that she might hear the cries of the clothespins. Now that the 7 lines were up I just had to wait and hope the wind would do it's job and carry the cries of the clothespins. This quest started years ago when I first put a clothespin on my penis. And today was going to be the day that I'd finally meet my fantasy girl. With the 7,000 clothesp... Continue»
Apart from this, the perfect girlfriend is a career-minded woman who earns more than their partner but at the same time wants to stay at home and bring up the c***dren.
The clue to these seemingly contradictory demands lies in the men polled, 3,000 bachelors.
Near the top of their girlfriend checklist is the requirement that she should have a "pert bottom" – which may explain why they are still single.
And while three-quarters of the men polled said their ideal woman would keep her weight in check, 89 per cent also wanted her to tuck into a big meal without worrying. These perfect ... Continue»
Not being a big drinker there are not many bar stories that I can tell but I do have this one that is just so out there it’s hard to believe.
And I was there.
I’ve always been a motorcycle rider, it started out that I need transportation that was cheap starting a f****y on a retail pay limits your budget. So 10 year old Hondas or Kawasaki’s were what I could get.
Well after riding in any weather cold, wet, sleet and snow most people that I worked with or passed me on the road or were passed by thought that I was crazy or just one hard ass.
And I n... Continue»
If you are a nice guy then you are a Renaissance Man.
Never put yourself down as average or guy next door.
Nothing wrong with being a nice guy.
You can role play, but inside women will sense a player vs a man.
Women who do play or desire sex here are not sluts despite what they may post.
That is just a label...they are still women inside.
Just as not all who are on here are perverts, but mostly real men and women who either find it an escape or way to hook up and satisfy their needs.
If a woman is f***ed into a sex role by her man then be aware it might not be the fantasy it a... Continue»
I’m just on the way round to see the Minger… it’ll be for the last time because once I’ve shagged her gross little body I’m going to dump her… naturally she doesn’t know that. In fact I’ve really been quite nice to her recently… well nice by my standards… built up her hopes that we will be ‘an item’, perhaps get married one day.
Me… married? That’s a facking laugh… show me a ‘happily’ married man and I’ll show you a facking loser… and I’ll tell you why he’s a fa... Continue»
Dear Dirty Diary,
Giggles and whispers filtered through into my recurrent dream staring The Devil’s Dick. His big black penis stood fire hose stiff as I tore the wrapper off the extra large condom I took out of my purse. As I rolled the slippery latex sheath down his extraordinary erection, I was delighted to find it fit perfectly right down to its base. I cranked his seatback lower, whipped my jeans and panties off, swung my left leg over and straddled him. I centered the head of his penis in my pussy, and then let my shaking knees relax. His big knob popped in somewhat uncomfortably, b... Continue»
You get home from the gym and call out to me that you are going to the shower, and you hear me mumble something back. You think nothing of it, assuming that there was something on TV.
Once you get upstairs you can smell the freesia candles burning. You glance into the bathroom and see it lit up with candles. You know I will be up shortly to join you, so you rip your cloths off and toss them into the bedroom and hop into the shower. You stand under the hot pulsating water. You are enjoying the feel of the hot water caressing your body, and you don't even notice me coming into the shower, unt... Continue»
In 1974, Harry Chapin wrote a poem about an accident with a truck in Scranton, Pennsylvania. The truck was carrying a load of bananas and crashed. Chapin developed the incident into a kind of cult song that he would play at his live concerts. The song had an original ending that had no audience pull. He tried to amend it and make it more popular. After his first attempt, he played the song for his group and received the following reaction: "Harry, it sucks!" So, as Harry relates in the song, he went back to his lonely writers garret and tried out a new ending. So here I am, in my lonely writer... Continue»
*Another food play: this is a fantasy...*
I love food. Now don't get me wrong everyone loves food but I found my love of food through cooking class. Now I know the intro part is going to be mundane...
Hi my name is Melody but I like being called Mel for short. I'm 5, 3 with long curly red hair and green eyes. I have a bad temper...I have a curvy figure.
There now that's settled let's go on with the story.
I was sitting in my room one warm Saturday evening eating strawberries with chocolate cream. There was other stuff laid out like berries and whipped cream along with other exotic frui... Continue»
Once you've made up your mind about having a baby, visit a gynaecologist to get a check-up done. There's a lot you need to learn and know about pregnancy and getting your doubts cleared by an expert is a good idea. Ask your doctor about prenatal vitamins that contain folic acid, which will decrease your risk of having a baby with neural tube defects. If you have any medical problems, they need to be brought under control before you become pregnant.
Familiarise yourself with your cycle. Each woman is different. Remember that ovulation is the best time to get pregnant and symptoms of ovulati... Continue»
Introduction: For all those people that think their cars look too boring......
Jesus loves you, but I think your an asshole!
Zero to dick in 60 seconds.
Very Funny Scotty, now beam up my clothes...
Madness takes its toll--please have exact change ready.
Stamp Out Crime - Abolish the IRS
Don't Honk - I'm Pedaling as Fast as I Can
If You Can Read This Bumper Sticker, You're In Range
This Vehicle Swerves and Hits Pedestrians at Random
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
I have PMS and a handgun. ANY QUESTIONS?
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes... Continue»
Friday was upon us and it was a bank holiday, Julia had arrived home late the previous night and was sl**ping it off, Andrew had his friend Chris over and Roy had said he had to go into work to complete an order, the only order he had to complete was the order from Leslie to get her knickers down, I went upstairs to see if Julia was awake, I approached her door and it was slightly ajar,
I peeped in and was still asl**p but she must have been warm during the night because her sheets and blankets were on the floor and her nightdress was up round her waist exposing her pussy... Continue»
English is not my first language.
It was almost twenty years ago.
I sat down with my girl friend in a quite Café. When she took off her coat, I realized she did not wear a bra that day because I could see the shape of her nipple on her thin clothes. I wanted to do a plank of it. So I touched her nipple slightly -almost barely- over her clothes in a way no one could see. It was a public place but she did not complain or resist. So I continued to touch her nipple slightly, barely and gently over her clothes again and again during conversation. Finally she sighed and closed h... Continue»
Goodhead led Bonkabitch to the edge of the roof.
“I’m glad you fixed my shower earlier today Marko,” she said quietly. “I have something special for you. Something special for me.”
“Yes ma’am,” said Bonkabitch, sipping from a glass of champagne. Not the kind of stuff he normally drank. He was a beer and shots man himself. He felt a little dizzy. The champagne must have gone to his head. Must have been a little stronger than he thought.
“You look really pretty,” whispered Goodhead, taking the glass from Bonkabitch, kissing him on his lipstick painted lips. “You look really sexy, you ... Continue»
So,its a nice evening bit cold but oke ,toninght i wil meet a new friend i have meet her through a chat programme.
I live now 4 years in Romania its a nice country with beautifull girls i will meet her in the centrum of Bucharest a place that i dont now yet we will see.
Its evening about 9 o clock its already dark i take a taxi than i can drink something thats better ,after 10 min the taxi arrive i tell him the place were i have to go,he look a little straints and ask me your sure,why i ask,now no reason he say its oke i will bring you there.
The whole time the men dont say nothing only loo... Continue»
I was having a chat to someone recently about the way online flirtation works, and she confirmed my suspicions to me.
"We are the hunted, and you are the hunters,"
she said, and of course it's so true. And it's probably as it should be and as old a story as Cromagnon man.
Man see woman.
Man want woman.
Woman shriek and run away.
Woman catches stiletto in undergrowth.
And whatever happens in the bushes is the way of the world.
But it's even more true online than in the real world.
Every woman I talk to online and/or meet in real li... Continue»
I slowly walk towards you in my Lacey black thong and bra I smile seductively as I lean forward and tie you to the bedpost. I blind fold you , making sure that you won't see anything. I climb on top of you and grind my hips slowly against your cock as you groan out loud. You're hard and ready as I climb off and unzip your pants and out pops your beautiful pogo stick.
I take the whip cream that I set out and rub it on you. You shiver as I lower my mouth to your throbbing cock. I hear you gasp as I start licking you up and down, moaning in the process. I feel myself getting wetter and I stop ... Continue»
Wildest fantasy dream ever....
Two really hot babes with sexy long black and brown hair and another sexy babewith silky blonde hair and clear blue eyes!
They are all for me,myself,& I to watch as long as I want too and join in every now and then...:)
Babe with black hair is ****FLOWER GIRL****
Babe with brown hair is ***TAMMY***
Babe with blonde hair is****BABY GIRL****
I could not believe my eyes because in my dream ****BABY GIRL**** is a pure lesbian she told thee other's she cannot believe how men are fuck all...so i dressed up like a older woman and my best freind (woman) helped me... Continue»