Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 109

Carmool's Date Night

Carmool hadn’t been fucked in what seemed like years. Examining herself in the hotel rooms full length mirror she couldn’t help but feel a little sad for the wasted time. Right now her milky white, long legs were just the right side of plump. Curvy but firm and round with promise. They glistened beneath the flesh coloured stockings which hugged the tops of her thighs their cold, rubber grips covered in frilly lace. Carmool’s gravity defying buttocks hung either side of the tiny, diaphanous thong which split her backside in two. She shuffled her legs together, never for one second taking ... Continue»
Posted by carax19 10 months ago  |  Categories: Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 183  |  
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A Car Wash

(They get hot while car gets sudsy)

Stepping out of the car at the Shell Station, Mark looked at the dark skies and impending storm. He felt the cool breeze and knew the front was just passing over. He unscrewed his gas cap and turned to see just what this tank of gas will cost. He slid his credit card into the slot and quickly removed it. Grabbing the nozzle for regular, he let his mind wander as he slipped the nozzle into the opening for the gas. He pictured Jackie, leaned over the rear fender of the car as he slipped his nozzle in.

Mark had known Jackie for a long time, since high sch... Continue»
Posted by KingAmir 3 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 182  |  
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Is that woman flirting with you?

It's indeed a fine line – one where the quintessential 'player of the game' is separated from the eternal wannabe. To the above-average go lucky male(aka the proverbial alpha male), flirting is a mere tool, a ritual to be performed before getting down to the real 'action', but for the rest of us, it is the one obstacle which prevents access to the untold world beyond. Granted, flirting is a complex behaviour that is largely seen as a male trait. While 100% of men are ever-willing to offer advice on the topic, few are actually masters of it in their own right. But this time, that is beside the ... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 180  |  
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You Know Your Fetishes Have Gone Too Far , Parte D

1. Some people use blenders for smoothies, some use them for margaritas. You use them for foreplay.

2. You’ve worn fetish clothing for so long, you find polo shirts to be very erotic.

3. Black and Decker called. It was tough finding a strong enough motor, but the prototype is ready.

4. You buy so many batteries, the president of Duracell sends you a fruit basket every year.

5. Gomez and Morticia Addams envy your basement dungeon.

6. You enter baking contests just to hide your massive Crisco purchases.

7. In the spirit of MacGyver, you can fashion a sex toy out of a ball point... Continue»
Posted by JerseyWBull 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor  |  Views: 180  |  
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Oral Fixation: Combining Two Things I Love

Recently I saw a couple of photos posted on xhamster of a chick with a banana shoved half-way up her twat. Got we very hot and I saved them to my favorites if you're curious to see them.

That image took me back several years. I had this girlfriend who let me fuck her with a banana on the kitchen table. Naturally, I fucked her with my dick in just about every room of that house, but having her buck-naked, spread-eagle on the dining table with a banana in her (fucked her with a carrot a few times too) was quite a hot thing to see. Especially the time my room-mate who was supposed to be ... Continue»
Posted by hangingout1984 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 179  |  
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Why Men Cant Commit in Relationship

Issues with trust

Some men might have been hurt a lot by women in the past or maybe saw one of his friends become hurt after being close to a woman. These men might have a hard time trusting women and fear that after getting too close to her and putting a lot of time and effort that she will leave or cheat on him. These kinds of men really don’t want to take that risk.

Just having fun

If you are dating a man in his 20’s, chances are he is just interested in having fun and probably trying to build his own life and career before thinking about a serious committed relationship. Even a ma... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 179  |  
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A Week to Remember Ch. 02

(Nightclub, temptress, missed chance, mutual happiness)

Monday

I didn't have to get up for work the next day. I'd secured a good job through my industrial placement last year, and would start working in Leeds City centre the following Monday. I had the rest of the week to myself and was glad about it; it gave me time to get my head together and to chill out and relax. I had a lie in and it was 10.30 by the time I got up. I stumbled into the bathroom on my floor and showered, the hot water waking me up and making me feel better. This would be the first day of the next chapter in my life, ... Continue»
Posted by KingAmir 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 178

How to pull off the sexy red pout


1) Choose the perfect shade of red to suit your skin tone or you'll come off looking cheap and desperate. Remember brighter shades for lighter skin and deeper shades for dusky skin.

2) Always use a lip liner. They make your lips look fuller and well-defined. Naturally, you'll grab his attention.

3) Tease him a little by adding a touch of gloss to the centre of your lower lip for that extra drama.

4) Avoid heavy eye make-up and blush. You want him to focus on the most sensual part of your body – your lips!

5) Finally, practise! Pucker up and pout in front the mirror.... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 3 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 177

RAW: The Sex Magicians part 4; Why is a duck?


Half a mile away, a thin needle pointing toward the sky, stood the office of Pussycat magazine, and on the tenth floor Senior Editor Josh Dill was puzzling over the latest vacation memo from personnel. "This is the worst piece of idiocy I've ever seen, " he complained to his secretary. "It looks like it was written by a computer having a nervous breakdown. Listen to this gibberish:

'Half a man-day shall not be equal to half a day unless the man is actually in the office for the full day, or half of a full day, as the case may be. (This also applies to female employees. '

What t... Continue»
Posted by Johnnytames69 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 177  |  
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Chapter 2

I am getting SOOOOOOOOOOOOO sick of seeing all your tallywackers! I KNOW girls don't want to see them, either. I've read enough of them TELLING you so! What would your mother think?!? Guys, can't you come up with something different for a profile picture? Try something a little more original! A picture of an elephant's trunk, if you just HAVE to show something long and hard. --Or how about a pic of a naked stripper wrapped around a stripper pole with her tongue touching the pole... Now THAT would be sexy! But your pitiful peepee? Come on! Give us a break! I'd venture to say that just ... Continue»
Posted by Volfy 2 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 177  |  
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Chavs use ball gag and cuff me.

I decided to see Jake again for another sex session. I wore my sexy number from last time as he really liked it. I wore purple lipgloss this time instead of red and no knickers

I met Jake at his house as it was empty. He opened the door and dragged me in. He got hold of me and dragged me up the stairs. However halfway up we just started snogged hard and fast. We could not resist and we went at it on the stairs. I was sat on the stairs halfway up and him on top of me. He snogged me and his hand went up my skirt to my wet bare pussy. He put his finger in my slit and fingered it hard and fast... Continue»
Posted by Erocus 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 176  |  
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Theatrical...12

Theatrical……12
I went downstairs having left a suitable length of time after he left the room, I felt a lot happier and was able to face the world, he was sitting back at the table and Mary was sitting beside him,
I thought about his comment about my being his pimp, I smiled to myself, “why not?” I thought, he was chatting with Mary, the speeches and the meal finally officially over, the tables were changed to the evening session and for the dancing and boozing, now we would see who was what in this melee of bodies,
I kept my eye on him noting who spoke to him and where they went, not tha... Continue»
Posted by the_priest 1 year ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 176  |  
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Phone sex

Phone sex is probably one of the more common 'alternative' types of sexual encounter. Both men and women of many different ages have tried it, but many of us get their first taste of it at a young age, often when at a distance from a partner, keeping in touch by phone.

Phone sex is a fairly ‘safe’ style of alternative sexual contact, as there is no physical risk at all, except for what you do to yourself. Phone sex basically amounts to Masturbation while talking to someone on the phone. Of course there is a small risk of having your feelings hurt if someone embarrasses you, but this only u... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 172  |  
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How you can perk up your sex life

Want to perk up your love life? Well, then start from the kitchen with food that will give you the oomph factor, says an expert.

Hormone and anti-ageing specialist Cecilia Tregear says that sex plays an important role in making people look and feel younger.

Tregear, who is based at the Wimpole Skin Clinic in Harley Street, London, has worked with hundreds of couples over the course of her 25-year career.

"The couples who were having lots of regular sex almost always looked younger than those who weren't. They were also slimmer, fitter, healthier and happier. Sexual activity, in my vie... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 172  |  
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Pretty woman I was not!!!

Hello you!

Can I just start by saying how ridiculously long it been since I last updated my blog… shocking! I think this has been due, in part, to the fact that I have had a great deal of difficulty coming up with a certain someone’s nickname. There are times when the nickname comes to me literally ‘during the meet’ (though when this happens I have to fight the urge to giggle as apparently its rude to laugh during sex… who knew?!? I must have missed that etiquette memo). Then there are times when I go completely blank, which ends in me feeling uninspired to write the bl**dy thing at all. ... Continue»
Posted by unassumingmistress 10 months ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 172  |  
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getting caught once with chav lads

People might say do you ever get caught well once it happened.

Yes once last november I got caught fucking them at back of spar. It dont happen more often as its on this precient and its secluded at back plus people are afriad to go down the back after dark as well.

Well once a couple of chav lads went around the back to go smoke some weed. anyway they saw me and jamie, jamie had me facing the wall I had a crop top on and it was up with my tits out. my skirt was down my ankles with my knickers and he was fucking me while the other watched.

They said what going on here they were cal... Continue»
Posted by Erocus 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 171  |  
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Theatrical ....8

Theatrical…….8
Anna was building rapidly as she whimpered with the onslaught of cock inside her, I moved along the side of her and felt under her, taking the weight of her swinging breast in my hand and squeezing it,
I had never groped a woman’s tits before but today, so many rules were being broken, so many taboos were being displaced, the waiter grunted and folded over Anna, she moaned as she felt the hot surge of spunk being squirted up her arse, she collapsed on my friend, he looked down at her and stroked her hair, she laid on his chest, her huge tits flattened against him, he looked a... Continue»
Posted by the_priest 1 year ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 170  |  
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VEET.....DONT DO IT........

After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit if a treat.
I ordered it well in advance and working in the North Sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...Oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the oth... Continue»
Posted by knocka 1 year ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  Views: 170  |  
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GoodCake

Shes sitting there in the corner of my eye asking why I have to make a mess she knows my cakes take time to prepare bake and set. Whisking the eggs fluffing my batter she waits my forearms tighten cute bakers hat shaking my good mood to much to resist. Come here for a second she calls out to me. Hold on is my reply. Set my pans in the oven turn around her body pins up mine. Gimme a kiss. So I do slip to the side and be rude let me go take a shower. I wash the flour out my hair take a moment and stare then brush my teeth. Wrapped in a towel stright to the kitchen gotta save my creation from bur... Continue»
Posted by MattheMonster 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 168  |  
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The Italian Job 15

The Italian Job 15
The following morning I had my usual 2 breakfast’s, tea and toast for one and Ellie’s genitalia for the other as she sat on my face leaning forward with her hands on the bed behind my head as she ground her clit into my teeth, she came gushing her juice into my mouth as she trembled, she was learning to ride them so that the sensation lasted for some time so the noise of her moaning and growling was quite prolonged, I fucked her missionary with her legs wrapped around me as she used them to lever herself up into the back arching position when she came, it was a reflex and s... Continue»
Posted by the_priest 3 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 168  |  
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