Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 107

Chapter 2

I am getting SOOOOOOOOOOOOO sick of seeing all your tallywackers! I KNOW girls don't want to see them, either. I've read enough of them TELLING you so! What would your mother think?!? Guys, can't you come up with something different for a profile picture? Try something a little more original! A picture of an elephant's trunk, if you just HAVE to show something long and hard. --Or how about a pic of a naked stripper wrapped around a stripper pole with her tongue touching the pole... Now THAT would be sexy! But your pitiful peepee? Come on! Give us a break! I'd venture to say that just ... Continue»
Posted by Volfy 2 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 177  |  
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Chavs use ball gag and cuff me.

I decided to see Jake again for another sex session. I wore my sexy number from last time as he really liked it. I wore purple lipgloss this time instead of red and no knickers

I met Jake at his house as it was empty. He opened the door and dragged me in. He got hold of me and dragged me up the stairs. However halfway up we just started snogged hard and fast. We could not resist and we went at it on the stairs. I was sat on the stairs halfway up and him on top of me. He snogged me and his hand went up my skirt to my wet bare pussy. He put his finger in my slit and fingered it hard and fast... Continue»
Posted by Erocus 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 176  |  
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How to pull off the sexy red pout


1) Choose the perfect shade of red to suit your skin tone or you'll come off looking cheap and desperate. Remember brighter shades for lighter skin and deeper shades for dusky skin.

2) Always use a lip liner. They make your lips look fuller and well-defined. Naturally, you'll grab his attention.

3) Tease him a little by adding a touch of gloss to the centre of your lower lip for that extra drama.

4) Avoid heavy eye make-up and blush. You want him to focus on the most sensual part of your body – your lips!

5) Finally, practise! Pucker up and pout in front the mirror.... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 3 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 176

Theatrical ....8

Theatrical…….8
Anna was building rapidly as she whimpered with the onslaught of cock inside her, I moved along the side of her and felt under her, taking the weight of her swinging breast in my hand and squeezing it,
I had never groped a woman’s tits before but today, so many rules were being broken, so many taboos were being displaced, the waiter grunted and folded over Anna, she moaned as she felt the hot surge of spunk being squirted up her arse, she collapsed on my friend, he looked down at her and stroked her hair, she laid on his chest, her huge tits flattened against him, he looked a... Continue»
Posted by the_priest 1 year ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 173  |  
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How you can perk up your sex life

Want to perk up your love life? Well, then start from the kitchen with food that will give you the oomph factor, says an expert.

Hormone and anti-ageing specialist Cecilia Tregear says that sex plays an important role in making people look and feel younger.

Tregear, who is based at the Wimpole Skin Clinic in Harley Street, London, has worked with hundreds of couples over the course of her 25-year career.

"The couples who were having lots of regular sex almost always looked younger than those who weren't. They were also slimmer, fitter, healthier and happier. Sexual activity, in my vie... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 172  |  
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Pretty woman I was not!!!

Hello you!

Can I just start by saying how ridiculously long it been since I last updated my blog… shocking! I think this has been due, in part, to the fact that I have had a great deal of difficulty coming up with a certain someone’s nickname. There are times when the nickname comes to me literally ‘during the meet’ (though when this happens I have to fight the urge to giggle as apparently its rude to laugh during sex… who knew?!? I must have missed that etiquette memo). Then there are times when I go completely blank, which ends in me feeling uninspired to write the bl**dy thing at all. ... Continue»
Posted by unassumingmistress 6 months ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 172  |  
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Phone sex

Phone sex is probably one of the more common 'alternative' types of sexual encounter. Both men and women of many different ages have tried it, but many of us get their first taste of it at a young age, often when at a distance from a partner, keeping in touch by phone.

Phone sex is a fairly ‘safe’ style of alternative sexual contact, as there is no physical risk at all, except for what you do to yourself. Phone sex basically amounts to Masturbation while talking to someone on the phone. Of course there is a small risk of having your feelings hurt if someone embarrasses you, but this only u... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 172  |  
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getting caught once with chav lads

People might say do you ever get caught well once it happened.

Yes once last november I got caught fucking them at back of spar. It dont happen more often as its on this precient and its secluded at back plus people are afriad to go down the back after dark as well.

Well once a couple of chav lads went around the back to go smoke some weed. anyway they saw me and jamie, jamie had me facing the wall I had a crop top on and it was up with my tits out. my skirt was down my ankles with my knickers and he was fucking me while the other watched.

They said what going on here they were cal... Continue»
Posted by Erocus 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 170  |  
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“Declaration of principles”

1] All human beings are different. And should do everything possible to continue to be so.

2] Each human being has been granted two courses of action: that of deed and that of contemplation. Both lead to the same place.

3] Each human being has been granted two qualities: power and gift. Power drives a person to meet his/her destiny, his gift obliges that person to share with others which is good in him/her. A human being must know when to use power, and when to use compassion.

4] Each human being has been granted a virtue: the capacity to choose. For he/she who does not use this virtu... Continue»
Posted by ziilike666 1 year ago  |  Categories: First Time, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  Views: 170

VEET.....DONT DO IT........

After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit if a treat.
I ordered it well in advance and working in the North Sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...Oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the oth... Continue»
Posted by knocka 1 year ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  Views: 170  |  
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The Italian Job 15

The Italian Job 15
The following morning I had my usual 2 breakfast’s, tea and toast for one and Ellie’s genitalia for the other as she sat on my face leaning forward with her hands on the bed behind my head as she ground her clit into my teeth, she came gushing her juice into my mouth as she trembled, she was learning to ride them so that the sensation lasted for some time so the noise of her moaning and growling was quite prolonged, I fucked her missionary with her legs wrapped around me as she used them to lever herself up into the back arching position when she came, it was a reflex and s... Continue»
Posted by the_priest 2 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 168  |  
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Go Get Some (A Poem)

Just another poem...you don't have to take it to heart, though not a bad idea...

Go Get Some.

So, you’re looking for another rhyme,
Don’t know if I can do it this time,
I tried to think of something hot,
Something with a lusty plot,
Something you can read and wank,
But my mind simply came up blank,
So instead of reading some dirty poem,
While you’re sitting back at home,
Take a trip into the city,
Where you may find some real kitty,
Cause sex isn’t just to read about,
It’s something I can’t do without,
Cash your check when you get paid,
Go outside and actually ... Continue»
Posted by Exakta66 2 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  Views: 168  |  
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F-a-c-k

"Fack"


Ah ah ah ahhh
Oh god damn
I'm gonna facckin cum
Oh shit, oh yeah
Fack fack faaaack
Fuck I am
I am,
I'm going to cum
I'm cumming

I never seen no shit like this
This bitch can twist like a damn contortionist
Condom on my dick
Of course it is
This bitch don't know what abortion is
So I can't cum in her
Fucks like a porn star
Looks like jenna
Fuck I'm gonna
Cum
I think my rubbers coming off
But oh it's so fuckin wet and soft
Fuck I'm gonna start letting off
I'm squirting and she's not getting off
And she's on top
I'm gonna fucking, oh ... Continue»
Posted by braindamage123 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 168  |  
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Mom and I together, Forever




I grew up in tirupati, my name is Ajay. Girls/Women of any age could get in touch with me on bavahemachandar@gmail.com


My father was a mild mannered man who worked in a mill. He had one addiction, he drank heavily and many a night he would pass out and had to be helped to bed. He was good to my mother and I could see that she respected and loved him. But I sensed there was also sadness in her and at that time I could not understand why.


I helped mother
... Continue»
Posted by bava12 5 months ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 169  |  
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GoodCake

Shes sitting there in the corner of my eye asking why I have to make a mess she knows my cakes take time to prepare bake and set. Whisking the eggs fluffing my batter she waits my forearms tighten cute bakers hat shaking my good mood to much to resist. Come here for a second she calls out to me. Hold on is my reply. Set my pans in the oven turn around her body pins up mine. Gimme a kiss. So I do slip to the side and be rude let me go take a shower. I wash the flour out my hair take a moment and stare then brush my teeth. Wrapped in a towel stright to the kitchen gotta save my creation from bur... Continue»
Posted by MattheMonster 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 167  |  
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bl**dy bourgoisie

When I joined this Wonderful World of Porn I was sruck by the quantity of rules and regulations, supposed etiquette and general reserve insisted upon by the organisers.....obviously they have their reasons, and I won't argue with them on that. This is their site and I must obey.

It's all terribly bourgoisie however.

BUT, - as a free man born in a free country I do insist upon having my say about it, to wit : It's a lot of old crap.

Firstly, - because all rules inhibit. Inhibition and porn simply do NOT, cannot go together. Indeed, having plowed through thousands... Continue»
Posted by dandrew1 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 167  |  
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Rental contract

My new FWB and I are looking for a place to play. found an ad on CL and this is the response she sent, Hope you enjoy. I'm not sure what to laugh or rub one out:)
Please tell me what yall think!

My lover and I are interested in your room, however before we enter into an agreement, I have a few codicils based on our needs.
1. We only need the room for approximately 10 hours a week, we’re both married, so play time is limited and quite frankly can only handle a few hours of pussy licking, clit biting, cock sucking, ass tonguing, tits flying, ball pounding sex. I get dehydrated from multiple... Continue»
Posted by fun4yallnow 1 year ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 167  |  
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Sexual Participation

Image of perfection
Object of an affection in sexing
Fantasizing freaky positions of you in submission
Pushing pulling twisting and moaning
A Place where I could store my erection
Splendid features
Tongue kissing fucking
Look up cause I got mirrors on the ceiling
Reflecting your ass bouncing silly
Soon as you come in right away
If you’re willing
Splay your legs open
Game played by 2
My sexual motivation
Got you yelling spots for me to do?
Amazed by the way you grind
Just for fun
I bet ill make you cum 61 times
First before insertion let me heat it up
Beat it up when ... Continue»
Posted by Emeze 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 166  |  
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xhamster community news

It was quite a surprise when we realised that
Tina was actually ChristineAnger. The photo that
gave it away was one on a BDSM series that she
uploaded a few weeks ago. Her face was hidden
behind her long auburn hair and a blindfold and
ball gag. Her Arms stretched wide and high in
a restraining frame. And her body covered in
deep weals from a vicious whipping she had just
received. But the tattoo was unmistakable, The
letter O with a naked bound girl circled by a whip.
I called Sue over and she was a bit shocked, "Oh, Tina
is a naughty girl" This led us to look more clos... Continue»
Posted by celcus 4 years ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  Views: 166  |  
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Bad girl returns with the chav lads

Hi

My computer fucked up so have not been online for ages. Sorry about this. Will be on msn again too.

Anyway I am back and here is another true story about me and this chav crew I go with.

I went to Jason house as well I wanted some sex and a cool time. Anyway when I got there all the other lads were there so Jamie 19, Mickey 18, Nicky 18 and Cris 18.

They were on their way to get me as they had not seen me for a few days so were getting the urge for a shag and wanted to just chill out with me as well.

We went to the back of the spar around 11pmish so it was pretty dark. T... Continue»
Posted by Erocus 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 166  |  
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