Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 107

Susan and John go shopping.

Susan was just parking her car at the shopping precinct when her iPhone pinged.

Txt 'Hi sue, what's happening babe.im rained off. Gone for a beer.'

She face timed him. " hello you sexy man. Hope your still getting paid haha"

"Course I am can't afford to not be with you about haha"

"That's true coz I'm at the Metro Centre I'm shopping for Tunisia, thought I'd buy some new bikinis maybe."

" oh don't waste any money. Just go naked. Hehehe"

"Pervert"

"Who me?? Haha now babe you know I love you flashing that hot bod of yours. Haha. Give me a flash of ya tits I've not seen them... Continue»
Posted by Les1111 1 year ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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The Italian Job 9

The Italian Job 9
Now to return to Italy, you remember that Maria had told me all about the situation when her father and uncle ****d her and I hope by now you have all forgiven me.
I got a phone call one morning at the factory, a strange sounding woman’s voice that asked me to meet her at the factory the following night, I asked what it was about and the voice just said it was a query on my contract, I then asked why it could not be dealt with during the day and she said she was out of town and would not be back till the evening and hoped it would not be a problem, I talked to Maria about i... Continue»
Posted by the_priest 5 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Sex Humor  |  
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The Wonderfully Naughty Wizard of Oz (Ch7/P1)

Leandra walked out to the throne room. Looking up at the blacken throne of her father, now her's to rule. "Servant come forth and show yourself." She turned from the throne to a small nome coming out of the shadows. He was of average nome height. Had round thin glasses birched on a long nose. His beard was the color of coal. His long robe dark like fresh spilled bl**d, covering his small frame.

"Yes my Queen, what can I do for you."

"What is your name."

"Looppen, your majesty."

"Well Looppen you are my new right hand. You have heard Kaliko screams. Betray me or disappoint me and yo... Continue»
Posted by teflonsamurai 4 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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Scott and Sara Chapter One

Chapter One: Feelings realized


It was a friday and there was Sara sitting Alone in her living room watching Television. As she landed on something finally interesting the power clicked off.

"No!" she shouted

"Sara!?" Her roommate Scott said emerging from his room.

Sara met Scott six months earlier, he was new in town and was looking for a place to stay and Sara was between jobs and desperately needed half of the rent so she agreed.

"The whole block's out!" Scott said looking out the window.

"So what do you want to do?" she asked.

"Umm.... how's work?" he asked.

"It'... Continue»
Posted by Johnny_Lee_Miller 1 year ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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Having Friends for Lunch: Strange Relationship &nd

With a Sunday afternoon unexpectedly free – many thanks to Richard’s rabble of students, to a man seemingly unable to cope with the dual pressures of actually doing work and handing it in on time, leaving Richard with piles of marking to do – I decided to hit the bookshops. Sounds sad, I know, but I find little to compare with the simple pleasure afforded by wrapping myself in a good book! Internet sites are all terribly convenient, but for me book shopping should be a tactile, sensual experience. I need to pick up and flick through fifty books before I decide. Thus, opting f... Continue»
Posted by ChrisTracy 6 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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Future Fuckin' - Fiction

January 5, 2113
Today was better than yesterday, at least. I was only f***ed to ejaculate seven times, compared with the 12 times I had to endure yesterday. I'm not sure what they think they're doing to me, but I know that if they keep it up, my balls will run permanently dry. They already feel like a couple of dust bunnies and I'm only halway through the week!

January 6, 2113
I was talking to a new "recruit" today about what's been going on outside these walls since I got here a year ago. Apparently, not much has changed. The Worldwide Overpopulation Mitigation And Neutralization program... Continue»
Posted by femalesonly 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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Read on for 50 witty, poignant, and just plain fam

1. “I don’t know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.”
― Woody Allen
2. “Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.”
― Oscar Wilde
3. “Good sex is like good bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.”
― Mae West
MORE: The Beginner’s Guide to Kinky Sex
4. “If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.”
― Frank Zappa
5. “It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food.”
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33
6. “Sex is the most fun you can have without ... Continue»
Posted by AntGeisha 9 months ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Hardonis Academy P-12

Chapter 12, Third Day


The three new friends met at breakfast the next day, they were all smiling. Even though they had not had sex with each other, they seemed sure of forming a tight bond. The Academy was centered on the Hall building, which included the dining area, library, club rooms, student council and newspaper offices, and the theater. To the East were the two dorm buildings. To the West was the sports complex, which included the medical office. To the north was the administration building, witch included the guidance councilor’s office. To the South was the large square ... Continue»
Posted by VictorL4fun 4 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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Eurotica 14: First day of the holiday

One of many tales I wrote - with many more to come if I get feedback!

Eurotica 14: First day of the holiday


Lorna was sitting back on her plastic chair and looking up, there was barely a cloud to be seen in the sky and a distant jet plane broke the blue void.
She was sat on the top balcony of the holiday apartment, the sun was high in the midday sky and the heat was entering every pore.
She was a redhead and her pale skin could suffer in that climate, it was for the best not to overdo it on the first day of the holiday. Why be in pain for the rest of it?
She put her sunglasses b... Continue»
Posted by nickyb1968 6 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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NYMPHOCOM - ch 01

The Mind Control Machine - ch01

Disclaimer : I am not a native English speaker so please don't hesitate to correct me if there are sentences which are not understandable !

Please comment/flame as appropriate !


Prologue

Controlling somebody else's mind has always been a common fantasy throughout the ages. Nothing is more fascinating than to have other human beings obeying your will without any restriction even at the risk of their own life. Many scientists have tried to uncover the secrets of the brain but so far our most complex organ has remained a mystery. We know that th... Continue»
Posted by Erocus 5 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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Cindy gets her first taste of anal.

Cindy moaned softly as Dane slipped two fingers inside of her. She felt the familiar ripples of orgasm overwhelm her senses, body tightening around his digits, juices dripping onto his hand. She stood there, rigid as his fingers worked their magic, rubbing and caressing her secret places.

She looked down at him sitting in front of her, arm muscles tensed, and saw the predatory gleam in his eyes, he wanted her... NOW... She whimpered at this, remembering the other times he had made her cum until it felt like her head would explode. He seemed to be holding back now, teasing her, his fingers ... Continue»
Posted by fotisampini 2 years ago  |  Categories: Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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I'm a CockHero!

I've just discovered the best video game ever. It's kinda like GuitarHero... only different. It's called CockHero... it's a video game for your wiener and it's awesome! Has anyone else played it? I'm addicted. It's not actually a video game... it's porn.

The game is simple enough. Each game (usually around an hour) is made up of several shorter rounds... the rounds are sexy music videos set to a thumping, good stroking beat. The early rounds usually start slow... a pretty girl or two... dressed sexy... dancing to a slow steady beat... maybe one beat per second. Your assignment... should you... Continue»
Posted by dickpixie 1 month ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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C.D.s Magic Love Skin Cream





CD’s Magic Love Skin Cream

By J. J. Scribe

No one could have guessed the truth about CD’s obsessive sex life. To
any casual observer—or even a curious one—he appeared to be a perfectly
normal man. He was a junior partner at his firm in Philadelphia, with a solid
financial future in front of him. Though he didn’t attend regularly,
he was a member of the First Methodist Church, a friendly face at
coffee hours and social events.

Though divorced for five years, he remained friends with his former
wife and was a loving father to his three c***dren, sharing them on
alternati... Continue»
Posted by jjscribe1 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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LIVING DOLL - Horror


by Seychelle

Living Doll


Until six weeks ago, Pat would have thought anything was better than hospital work.

In fact, when she'd been hired as a private live-in nurse down South, she'd thought it ideal: generous pay, easy hours to let her pursue her further education, and no rent. The recruitment agency could tell her little about her patient/employer Alastair Darragh; what little she'd picked up since did not extend far past the observations that he was a cantankerous recluse who'd driven away previous nurses, an expert in occult studies, and was older than God - b... Continue»
Posted by DoeTheBrat 2 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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How we met - She got the magic juice (Part 1)

Memories of a girlfriend from the 80's - How we met

We met at a disco. She was together with a friend having some fun in town. We started talking and after a short time we went to the dance floor - She danced very close and I gave up trying to hide that I had a hard on and started to push my leg between hers when dancing around - She gave me a knowing smile and we had another few dances.
It was hot and the music was very loud inside the disco and we decided to get some fresh air - She went to her friend and whispered something and we went outside in the nice summer night.

Outside we ... Continue»
Posted by drbimmer1965 8 months ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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Cyber-sex

Introduction: This one's pretty long, but in my opinion its well worth the read once you get to the end.

Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "Cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an online chat doesn't seem to quite get the point of Cybersex. Then again, maybe he does....

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high h... Continue»
Posted by PornApocalypse 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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10 things a woman should know

1. Calling you does not mean we are hitting on you
Most men are left wondering that why’s it that just because he called you, you assumed he wants you to fill in the post of his girlfriend. He may actually just want to hang out with you.

2. You are much prettier without all that makeup
Your basic foundation and kajal is fine, but layers upon layers of makeup only makes you unappealing to your guy. So keep it simple.

3. When you act giggly, it’s seriously embarrassing
When you spot your gang of girls while you are out with your boyfriend, don’t squeal and go giggly or jump up and down.... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Platonic Hazard

The resounding crash as feet hit water. Ragged breathing. Hearts pumping a mile a minute. I could still hear them behind me. They were shadows in the night, but still tired just as easily. I ran through another puddle, giving them insight as to how far ahead I was...but also how far behind me they were. Minutes after I had ran through the water, I heard the same puddle being disrupted and allowed myself a little grin. Ahead of me an alley way opened into a dead end. I didn't realize this until I had reached the end of it. Staring around myself for any sign of escape I turned when a harsh chuck... Continue»
Posted by Androidbarbie2068 4 years ago  |  Categories: Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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Not really a story, just random personal feelings

Like I said, not a story.


Now I know this is a place where we all can just be ourselves and enjoy some good fucking but it seems to me there is a lot of interest in videos and stories of simulated and/or actual i****t and shit like that.

Listen, I understand that everybody likes different shit but seriously. Why does having sex with your s****r/b*****r/mother/father interest so many people? I'm a guy like any other and yeah I admit I had fantasy's about my mother a LOOOOOOOONG time ago and I squashed those feelings when I hit puberty.

Second, what's with the criticism of the acting... Continue»
Posted by BigJ0526 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
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Secretary

Seymour Shaft, disgraced cop turned private detective was trying to open his emails. He was not having much success. He kept hitting the wrong keys and now he had locked himself out with his password protection.
This was all happening because he was finding it hard to concentrate. It’s not easy to work a computer if you are getting blown at the same time.
Seymour’s secretary was one hot bitch and she was also one dirty bitch. One thing she really loved doing was sucking dick. That and sitting on faces. She was having a fun time at that moment, squatting between the detective’s legs, pe... Continue»
Posted by sirspunky 2 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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