Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 107

Hallmark Valentines Day Rejects






Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss But I only slept with you because I was pissed.

I thought that I could love no other That is, until I met your b*****r.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

Of loving beauty you float with grace Now if only you could hide your face.

* Kind, intelligent, loving and hot; This describes all the things you are not.

I want to feel your sweet embrace But don't take that paper bag off of your face.

I love y... Continue»
Posted by crzs 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 275  |  
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Smurfette's Absolution part1

Not my Story...credit to unknown author
Chapter1

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters that were created by someone else

Claimer: Go to my profile to view my characters

The annoying pounding onmyfront door just as morning came around was enough to wake me from myslumber, I heardBabySmurf cry from the rude awakening. I scrambled out of bedand rushed to the front door, a bit steamed from the banging. When I openedit, I saw a smurf staring at me with lovestruck eyes, he heldupsome flowers that appear to be freshlypicked.

"Hi Smurfette," he said in a lovely tone, "Can we goout on a... Continue»
Posted by wsgy411 1 year ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  Views: 275  |  
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Don't Drink Alcohol

The art of making love is supposedly one of the most beautiful and enjoyable acts someone can perform. It gives incredible pleasure and is a wonderful feeling of closeness between two people. We've all seen the movies that set the standard for how we should behave. You all know the scene: the man gently eases his partner down while looking at her fondly. He then confidently and calmly guides her through the processes. He is a confident lover, someone whom she can really lose herself to. It's almost picture perfect, with the small beads of sweat, mood lighting and music. Yes, you would almost b... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 274  |  
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The Italian Job 17

The Italian Job 17
A few days later Ellie came to see me at my apartment, this was truly a royal visit as she had never been before and I got the feeling that she was checking to see if I had got anyone entrenched that she might see as a threat to her private domain, she wandered around, looking at all of my stuff, “Maria came to see me” she commented whilst browsing my books,
I made no comment, I reckoned if she wanted to tell me she would “wanted to know if she could have her job back” she said, now I was curious but determined to hold out so still no comment “how do you feel about that?”... Continue»
Posted by the_priest 3 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 274  |  
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in love with love

what makes us different from a****ls is we form relationships.or at least some of us do.some of us just behave like a****ls.straight in straight out wham bam thank you mam and move on to the next pussy.

well i am not like that.dont get me wrong i love pussy.i love making love to a woman.i like to think of a woman like a christmas present.not all the biggest presents are the best.not always the most expensive ones either.

they need to be unwrapped with care and attention.and then the surprise you were waitng for can be found.just like in a woman.

i love to take my time with women.no ru... Continue»
Posted by 69licklover 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  Views: 273  |  
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21

REASONS WHY YOU MUST GET TOGETHER WITH A HORSE RIDERS
1) We have four speeds and can be many different positions ...
2) We have on our tight pants
3) We like getting dirty
4) We know how to ride really
5) We always do our best in the drawing
6) We love having control
7) We can ride for hours
8) We know how to deal with big things
9) We are going off and on easily
10) We are always ready
11) We like it hard
12) We have leg and back muscles that help us manage all the different positions
13) We love using whips
14) legs apart is our natural position
15) We do... Continue»
Posted by betty6love6 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 273  |  
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omegle

You: kool so u two r wet?? hahaha jk;)
Stranger: yes
Stranger: and horny
Stranger: chsahahha
You: haha really?
Stranger: yep
You: u guys wanna blow me??
Stranger: yep
Stranger: come here
Stranger: you won'y reagret it
You: comes to u
Stranger: ok we ll waitn to u darlig <3
Stranger: 69
You: ok
Stranger: oooh
You: what kinda panties u got on
Stranger: white small panties
You: mmmmmm
Stranger: and no bra
You: mmmm u got big tits\
Stranger: yeees
You: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Stranger: like texas !!!!
You: mmm
Stranger: what u wanna do with them ?:>
You: play with them
Stranger: ... Continue»
Posted by bluenative 3 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  Views: 273  |  
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godess sarita 10 (stress releave)

after goddess had her promotion she stays a lot busy with work now a days and I had to do the regular hose work and carried out whatever goddess asked to do like a good sissy maid..
it was wensday evening goddess came home all tired and stressed I kneeled infront of her and removed her shoes den liked her sweaty feets dry it was a regular day job .. she got up and went to room after a while when I finished serving dinner I was called to her room goddess was doing some papper work and was worried..
she asked me to strip she didn't even look at me I stood all naked my pubic hair wasn't shaved ... Continue»
Posted by mashroorr 1 year ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 273  |  
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The Past of the Great Takuri and his Gift

January 30. 2012
This is my first Journal entry. Why do people write a journal? Probably because they’re lonely. But I, the great Takuri, or at least that’s what I’m calling myself these days, am never lonely. No I’m writing this journal so that other people can see, can read what great things I’ve done and where I’ve erred. It feels like I’m writing the truth. As a magician I spent my whole life living in illusions, bending the truth both to the audience but also to my humble self, now it feels like I can finally tell the whole story, you can’t go to somebody who you are manipulating and tel... Continue»
Posted by shanina 3 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, First Time, Sex Humor  |  Views: 272  |  
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BigBimbo's Memoire's #3 - Musings about

In 2003 I was freshly out of school, temporarily unemployed, in a depressing and unhealthy long-distance on-off relationship of the sort that young people who don't know what they want often find themselves in and, further, was newly and angrily "off". I went to a bar with some friends to blow off some steam and got a few drinks down the hatch in short order. There was a new girl working as a table waitress and, while nothing special to look at, she was curvy, showing a lot of strong-looking leg and had a cute smile. We flirted a bit every time I placed an order and I eventually asked what she... Continue»
Posted by bigbimbo 2 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 272  |  
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this is important about sex

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs less.... Continue»
Posted by slogan20 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 271  |  
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Women Like To Cuddle After Sex

If you want a repeat performance from your lady friend, it might be a good idea to tap into your sensitive side and step your cuddle game up. Psychologist Susan Hughes said:

“Females placed an overall great importance than did males on all five items measured: intimate talking, kissing, cuddling and caressing, professing their love for their partner and talking about the relationship after sex. In contrast, men placed more importance on gaining extrinsic rewards after sex.”

And these extrinsic rewards include cigarettes, booze, etc.

So what is to be gained from this study (that survey... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 271  |  
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Pay Back

So that, dear friends, is why the President and I both hope that you will support him as he tries to pass the all important spending cap legislation now before the House, thank you for your time, good night." Jennifer Boyle, the wife of the president, made her way through the clapping throng on her way to the rear exit of the grand ball room in the Century Towers Hotel. A limo with a phalanx of Secret Service agents were waiting to e****t her back to the White House, while she and her body agent, Jimmy Knox and his assistant Bill Dooley all climbed onto the service elevator for the twenty f... Continue»
Posted by rime923091 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 269  |  
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Chap. IV - Bio love - Home delivery

Chap. IV - Bio love - Home delivery
--- Chapter IV ---

Other chapters and stories about http://bisoumidomi.unblog.fr/

There is a tool that was extremely important in my life, the Minitel, it was almost my job, at least I had access to the tool from its inception and without restrictions. If the rate it was a curiosity, the arrival of the service of dialogue, ads and other means of communication was a real aubaine.Au beginning, I never used it from time to time to discuss, in general I tried to have my corresponding to such, for further discussion. And of course I do not hide that very o... Continue»
Posted by CinquantNERF 3 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  Views: 269  |  1

Stuff about me (anime)

I like anime, you know those japanese cartoons that are all the rage with those fringe types of society. I think it's great most of the time, I love the stories, I love the characters, and I love the art styles.

some of my favorites are:

Cowboy bebop, yes I'm one of those where this can't go anywhere but the top, It's great, I started watching it on adult swim and now I own the DVD's. It turned me on to getting a taste for jazz, and queens. I've identified deeply with different characters, and I love the thought of being a space cowboy.

"Trigun/Hellsing", with Trigun I love the cyber... Continue»
Posted by Blueballs4ever 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  Views: 269  |  
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Strange Relationship – Chapter 2 (Version 3)

(Author's note: this is an early version of a much longer erotic novel. It's been through a lot of edits, but I really like some of the early versions that got canned. I hope you don't mind me reproducing them here. Of all the stories I've written - which is a lot! - Caitlin is one of my favourite creations, and I'm always looking to giver her greater exposure, as are the men (and women) in her life! You can follow her continued adventures in the different versions of the story called "Strange Relationship")


Standing at the bar, sipping a iced die... Continue»
Posted by ChrisTracy 5 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  Views: 269  |  
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Favorite Fantasies #3



The scene is a one-room schoolhouse, somewhere out West.
The teacher is about my age, thirty-five, or even older. But she is
a virgin, a frustrated old maid. She has kept one of the pupils
after school, a strong, six-foot-tall boy who isn’t too bright. She
goes through a stern lecture with him about how he’s not been
paying attention during class, etc. She asks him two or three
tough questions, and when he can’t answer says she’s going to
have to punish him. She tells him to take down his pants; he’s
embarrassed but ... Continue»
Posted by hard_for_yu 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  Views: 268  |  
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Fucked 2 - The Great Rock N Roll Orge

Fucked 2 - The Great Rock N Roll Orgy [part 2 of 2]
By: Jo Jo (joanne.erotic@gmail.com)

Fucked 2 - The Greatest Rock N Roll ORGY of all Time

Well... bestest one I have ever been to anyway.

This follows on from Fucked, and concerns the party that followed the
dissolution of that band.

It was held in a very impressive apartment overlooking the canal system
in the centre of Birmingham. It was above some sort of gym/spa and took
up the entire floor.

The band, as I mentioned before , was Mike , Paul, Niecey , Julie, Ray
and of course Derek.

Also at the bash, 4 or 5 te... Continue»
Posted by joanne1976 10 months ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 269  |  
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wow omegle delirium....... whatever fits everyone



Επιλογή γλώσσας ▼
18,703 strangers online
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Question to discuss:
How many penises does your ideal mate own?

You: ????
Stranger: um...
You: i cant really get that
You: i ll say 20
Stranger: too little
Stranger: 50
You: i am raising my bid to 70
Stranger: 90
You: 100
Stranger: 150
You: oh i cant beat that u win
You: 150 1
You: 150 2
You: 150 3
You: the ideal mate goes to stranger 2
Stranger: yaay
Stranger: *feels proud*
Stranger: in your face sucker I won
You: fuck
You: i lost
Stranger: now what wil... Continue»
Posted by virgin20yearold 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 269  |  
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You Know Your Fetishes Have Gone Too Far When...

1. You have a lawnmower repair company on speed dial.

2. Double #1 if they offer 24 hour emergency service.

3. There is a sudden drop in the local sheep population and you can't seem to explain all the bl**dy wool in the house.

4. You go to the local dog park to get dates. And maybe meet some people, too.

5. Oil trucks make weekly deliveries to your home, even though you have gas heat.

6. Hardware store clerks know better than to ask "What sort of project is this for?"

7. You browse through small appliances looking for "inspiration."

8. You have a lifetime ban from dog sho... Continue»
Posted by JerseyWBull 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 266  |  
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