Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 105

Clothespin Girl Superhero

Once a upon a time, a long long time ago yesterday in fact. Today I began my plan to catch the elusive one. The one who rescues clothespins from clotheslines. The plan was a simple one to string up 7 clotheslines facing the wind knowing that if she was near that she might hear the cries of the clothespins. Now that the 7 lines were up I just had to wait and hope the wind would do it's job and carry the cries of the clothespins. This quest started years ago when I first put a clothespin on my penis. And today was going to be the day that I'd finally meet my fantasy girl. With the 7,000 clothesp... Continue»
Posted by janthony57 3 years ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Fetish, Sex Humor  |  Views: 220  |  
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Dive bar

Dive Bar.



Not being a big drinker there are not many bar stories that I can tell but I do have this one that is just so out there it’s hard to believe.



And I was there.



I’ve always been a motorcycle rider, it started out that I need transportation that was cheap starting a f****y on a retail pay limits your budget. So 10 year old Hondas or Kawasaki’s were what I could get.



Well after riding in any weather cold, wet, sleet and snow most people that I worked with or passed me on the road or were passed by thought that I was crazy or just one hard ass.



And I n... Continue»
Posted by MountainMan66 2 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 220  |  
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Ménage A Trois by Ghipster

Ménage A Trois by Ghipster

“Our cocks are no bigger than white men’s cock”. I shouted to the applauding audience of the university’s Jr. KKK Fraternity “And I speak for all black men everywhere, when I say,
THANK YOU! Thank you for this flattering but preposterous myth. And they say white folks ain’t done nothing for us. Ha!”
This unbelievable line of bullshit yielded me a standing ovation and an session of signing autographs afterwards. Little did anyone know, I did the whole lecture strictly on a dare from my pot-head roommates. But such was the life back in the glory days of coll... Continue»
Posted by ghipster 1 year ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 220

A Little Bite to Eat

You get home from the gym and call out to me that you are going to the shower, and you hear me mumble something back. You think nothing of it, assuming that there was something on TV.

Once you get upstairs you can smell the freesia candles burning. You glance into the bathroom and see it lit up with candles. You know I will be up shortly to join you, so you rip your cloths off and toss them into the bedroom and hop into the shower. You stand under the hot pulsating water. You are enjoying the feel of the hot water caressing your body, and you don't even notice me coming into the shower, unt... Continue»
Posted by bdpro 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor  |  Views: 219  |  
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The The Nurse's Uniform, the Pink Vibrator an

It was September and as it was my birthday, I had booked Jan for my birthday treat - an afternoon of sexual lust at her discreetly located house in the suburbs. I had made several visits before and we had explored and enjoyed each other's bodies getting more adventurous each time. I onw counted as one of her "regulars".

When I rang to make the booking, Jan (always the true professional) uttered those five sexy words which are always a big turn-on, "How do you want me?". Well, on previous occasions I had tried the usual: black stockings and bra; a basque with her tits deliciously exposed; an... Continue»
Posted by Mavic 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 219  |  1

Brief sex 03 - Sex on the circuit

Brief sex 03 - Sex on the circuit
3 brief sex

Quick fuck on the circuit


I love cars, speed and motorsport. When I was younger I would run a few rallies, but mostly hill climbs and then came the great era of fol'car races on dirt, not the stock not matter competitors to type .. it goes f *** e sometimes but never direct attack .. is of the race .. speed.

As in other disciplines .. a lot of women come to see .. I know they like the atmosphere that are the guys to battle it's amazing but true .. and a lot of pretty girls roam the stands. This weekend's a pretty little brunette ... Continue»
Posted by CinquantNERF 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Taboo  |  Views: 219  |  
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Our Life As A Couple

Continued on from my story.

so christmas has come and gone.

It was a rather hectic one. 24-27th of christmas at my parents house and the 27th-30th was at my darling bappys. so many good memories. so much to catch up on eh.

over the christmas period i'd come to realize all relationships were based around sex even if they say it doesn't. women use it for their own advantage, men use it as a release of pressure and its been proven in my relationship recently. christmas came with a strawberry flavour and some dirty talk driving the parents to leaving the house as soon as they heard the b... Continue»
Posted by maaao 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 218  |  
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Renaissance Man - No Sex But How To Be A Guy Women

If you are a nice guy then you are a Renaissance Man.

Never put yourself down as average or guy next door.
Nothing wrong with being a nice guy.
You can role play, but inside women will sense a player vs a man.

Women who do play or desire sex here are not sluts despite what they may post.
That is just a label...they are still women inside.
Just as not all who are on here are perverts, but mostly real men and women who either find it an escape or way to hook up and satisfy their needs.
If a woman is f***ed into a sex role by her man then be aware it might not be the fantasy it a... Continue»
Posted by asianflyer 1 year ago  |  Categories: First Time, Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 218  |  
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Bumper Stickers

Introduction: For all those people that think their cars look too boring......

Jesus loves you, but I think your an asshole!

Zero to dick in 60 seconds.

Very Funny Scotty, now beam up my clothes...

Madness takes its toll--please have exact change ready.

Stamp Out Crime - Abolish the IRS

Don't Honk - I'm Pedaling as Fast as I Can

If You Can Read This Bumper Sticker, You're In Range

This Vehicle Swerves and Hits Pedestrians at Random

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

I have PMS and a handgun. ANY QUESTIONS?

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes... Continue»
Posted by PornApocalypse 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 217  |  
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Dear Dirty Diary - last part

Dear Dirty Diary,

Giggles and whispers filtered through into my recurrent dream staring The Devil’s Dick. His big black penis stood fire hose stiff as I tore the wrapper off the extra large condom I took out of my purse. As I rolled the slippery latex sheath down his extraordinary erection, I was delighted to find it fit perfectly right down to its base. I cranked his seatback lower, whipped my jeans and panties off, swung my left leg over and straddled him. I centered the head of his penis in my pussy, and then let my shaking knees relax. His big knob popped in somewhat uncomfortably, b... Continue»
Posted by AdorableLaura 3 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 216  |  
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Chased by Girls - Running away opition

It isn't easy but you can't bring yourself to go back for her. You know if you do then you're both screwed. Still, you can't bear to just completely abandon her so you duck behind a large fallen log and wait.

Just as you thought, in seconds Trina and her three team mates come bursting into the clearing where they spot Melissa, helplessly lying on the ground.

"Well, well, well," Trina muses, "look what we have here." The other girls surround her and Trina turns to face the woods, "Come out, Cam, I know you're nearby!"

"Let's just go look for him, forget about this whore," interjects ... Continue»
Posted by camdogg 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 216  |  
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Tips to get pregnant faster

Once you've made up your mind about having a baby, visit a gynaecologist to get a check-up done. There's a lot you need to learn and know about pregnancy and getting your doubts cleared by an expert is a good idea. Ask your doctor about prenatal vitamins that contain folic acid, which will decrease your risk of having a baby with neural tube defects. If you have any medical problems, they need to be brought under control before you become pregnant.

Familiarise yourself with your cycle. Each woman is different. Remember that ovulation is the best time to get pregnant and symptoms of ovulati... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 215  |  
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Bonkabitch

Goodhead led Bonkabitch to the edge of the roof.
“I’m glad you fixed my shower earlier today Marko,” she said quietly. “I have something special for you. Something special for me.”
“Yes ma’am,” said Bonkabitch, sipping from a glass of champagne. Not the kind of stuff he normally drank. He was a beer and shots man himself. He felt a little dizzy. The champagne must have gone to his head. Must have been a little stronger than he thought.
“You look really pretty,” whispered Goodhead, taking the glass from Bonkabitch, kissing him on his lipstick painted lips. “You look really sexy, you ... Continue»
Posted by sirprecum 3 months ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 214

It's all about Sex....Really

I saw this on someone else page and they're always interesting so I figured what the hell...



What’s your favorite place to be kissed?
everywhere...i love kissing

What’s your favorite color lingerie?
lingerie??? if someone else is wearing it...black

What color panties are you wearing?
no panties.....red, white n blue boxer...happy 4th :p

What’s your favorite sexual position?
Doggie

Do you prefer strawberries with whipped cream or chocolate?
i'm more than enough chocolate

Do you prefer sex beneath the sheets or on top?
on top

Do you prefer sex with the lights on or... Continue»
Posted by bb4w 3 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 212  |  
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Orgy just stimulating a nipple.

English is not my first language.
Apologize it.

It was almost twenty years ago.

I sat down with my girl friend in a quite Café. When she took off her coat, I realized she did not wear a bra that day because I could see the shape of her nipple on her thin clothes. I wanted to do a plank of it. So I touched her nipple slightly -almost barely- over her clothes in a way no one could see. It was a public place but she did not complain or resist. So I continued to touch her nipple slightly, barely and gently over her clothes again and again during conversation. Finally she sighed and closed h... Continue»
Posted by billfk 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 213  |  
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GETTIN' FRAMED & BLACK MAL.,BLACK MAL OTH

Wildest fantasy dream ever....
Two really hot babes with sexy long black and brown hair and another sexy babewith silky blonde hair and clear blue eyes!
They are all for me,myself,& I to watch as long as I want too and join in every now and then...:)
Babe with black hair is ****FLOWER GIRL****
Babe with brown hair is ***TAMMY***
Babe with blonde hair is****BABY GIRL****

I could not believe my eyes because in my dream ****BABY GIRL**** is a pure lesbian she told thee other's she cannot believe how men are fuck all...so i dressed up like a older woman and my best freind (woman) helped me... Continue»
Posted by sticklickem 5 months ago  |  Categories: Fetish, First Time, Sex Humor  |  Views: 212  |  
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where was I ?

so where was i I'd just come into the room, you were stood at the window looking out over the night sky of venice the breeze coming in to the window and , of yes i'd just eased the dress from your shoulders and was kissing down your neck,
down your back with my hands gently cupping your beautiful breasts.
I turn you slowly and kiss your hips as i'm turning you sliding your panties off your bottom and down as i continue to kiss ,
licking your rose as i move toward your pussy
my hand has glided up between your legs, up between your thighs until it reaches those soft lips , i g... Continue»
Posted by naughty66 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 210  |  
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Hunter and the Hunted

I was having a chat to someone recently about the way online flirtation works, and she confirmed my suspicions to me.

"We are the hunted, and you are the hunters," she said, and of course it's so true. And it's probably as it should be and as old a story as Cromagnon man.
Man see woman.
Man want woman.
Man grunt.
Woman shriek and run away.
Man chase.
Woman catches stiletto in undergrowth.
Man catch.
And whatever happens in the bushes is the way of the world.

But it's even more true online than in the real world.

Every woman I talk to online and/or meet in real li... Continue»
Posted by hornyhung2009 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 209  |  
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A weekend away (chapter 4)

I’ve been fumbling over chapter four because, to be quite honest, we didn’t go near each other for the rest of the day.

Well, I say we didn’t go near each other but in reality, we’re inseparable when we’re together – I just meant that we didn’t go near each other sexually but that didn’t mean others wouldn’t.

We were starving, we were fucked, we knew we had to get a shower, we were covered in cum – both new and old, dried to us like wallpaper paste.

In the shower we stood under the power water soaking our bruised bodies – smirking at each other like teenagers at what had been going on... Continue»
Posted by pinks43 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 209  |  
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The Italian Job 21

The Italian Job 21
I awoke the following morning alone, I jumped in the shower and went for breakfast, they were all there, Ellie, Sonia, Yvonne, Christina and Maria who was looking decidedly more cheerful, Hazel was fussing around and I was reminded that I had not done her of late,
I decided I should rectify that as well as checking something that was bugging me, I arranged to meet her in the camera room “checking up on all your ladies?” she said as we got into the room and closed the door, “lock it” I said to her “I want to see the pool camera shortly before Ellie was attacked yesterday” ... Continue»
Posted by the_priest 2 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 209  |  
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