Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 105

Who'd be in your ideal movie? Please read!

I'd love to see a lesbian film featuring Roxanne Pallet from Emmerdale and Helen Flanagan from Coronation Street. To those of you reading this who don't know who they are, just google their names, and I'm sure you'll agree with me. Just imagine the 2 of them dressed in school uniforms eating each other out. Fucking amazing!
Now, as stunning as they may be, they are basically "normal" girls. It would be easy to say that you'd love to see Beyonce having her clit licked by Rihanna...(there's a thought!) Come on, boys and girls. I really want to hear who yo... Continue»
Posted by mrharvey 4 years ago  |  Categories: Celebrities, Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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Little Johnny

Little Johnny was taking a shower with his grandma. He casually asked,"Grandma whats that?" She quickly replied, "That's my beaver". Little Johnny didnt say another word.
Two days later he was taking a shower with his mom. Little Johnny asked,"Mommy whats that?" She replied, "Well Johnny thats my beaver."
Little Johnn...y thought for a bit and said,"Well grandmas beaver must be dying her tongues hanging out!!"
... Continue»
Posted by jabig6 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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THE SEX LIFE OF AN ELECTRON

One night when his charge was pretty high, Micro-Farad decided to find a cute little coil to saturate. He picked up Milli-Amp and took her for a ride on his megacycle. They rode over Wheatstone bridge, around the sine waves, and stopped by a flowing current.
They walked over to Magnetic field and sat down. Micro-Farad, attracted by Milli-amp’s characteristic curves, soon had her resistance at a minimum, and her field fully excited. He laid her on the ground potential, raised her frequency, lowering her resistance still more, and then hr pulled out his hi-voltage probe. He inserted it in... Continue»
Posted by fred269 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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Mom the Unwilling Slut



It was a shitty day. My attempts at finding a job were as pointless as vacuuming your lawn. I just wanted something that paid enough to get the fuck out of my parents house, and stop dating Rosie palm. As I turned onto my street I was glad to see my parents car wasn't in the driveway. I DVR'd one of my favorite movies last night. It was one of those B movies where the bimbos drop their tops every time they turn around. This one had a fairly decent plot, and I despe... Continue»
Posted by bava12 1 year ago  |  Categories: Interracial Sex, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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Morning sex improves mood, health

According to the research, adults who make love first thing in the morning apparently not only feel more upbeat for the rest of the day, but also benefit from a stronger immune system.

The study suggests that adults who begin their day this way are healthier and happier than those who simply opt for a cup of tea and some toast before heading out of the door.

Not only does it make them less likely to catch a cold or flu, it can also improve the quality of their hair, skin, and nails.

"Having sex in the morning releases the feel-good chemical oxytocin, which makes couples feel loving... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Night of Bad Sex


The night before we had been watching the film The Pianist illuminated on her bedroom wall. I had been making appropriate and thoughtful comments throughout until they had thrown the disabled man, wheelchair and all, off a third floor balcony. “They’re only showing the bad bits,” I said. “Oh they should show all the good bits should they?” she asks in a sharp revoke. I say nothing more for a while.

Then the Russians came. The last Germans units were killed or fled the ruined city as it was liberated, and the pianist had lived through it all to play the tale. We had sex later. Emot... Continue»
Posted by Josef_K 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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Theatrical.....17

Theatrical…..17

We went into the theatre and into the bar, I saw him almost immediately, he was standing talking to another man, the guy must have been in his late fifties, he nodded but made no move, he had a drink in his hand, Julia saw him and started to move towards him,
I caught her arm, “wait” I said, “why, he’s over there” she said, “I know and he has seen us so when he is ready he will either speak to us here or in the theatre” I said, “but why don’t we just go over and talk to him” she said, “because sweetheart, his wife died about 6 months ago and if that man is a friend of his ... Continue»
Posted by the_priest 2 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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The Italian Job 8

The Italian Job 8
The second part of this tale involves the interpreter “I know, I know” I can hear you all saying “Oh not another fucking interpreter” but hear me out and draw your own conclusions after.
Mrs Chikolova was supposed to be our interpreter for the duration of the job but it turned out that she could hardly speak any English although she could read it but no one else could speak any English so no one knew she couldn’t, to look at her you would have thought she was a middle aged spinster but she was indeed married, she was in the habit of wearing dark blue dresses that had small ... Continue»
Posted by the_priest 3 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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christmas joke

3 men die on xmas eve, to get into heaven st peter says u must have sumthing on u that represents xmas, the english man flicks a lighter and says its a candle, st peter lets him pass,, welsh man pulls out a set of keys and jingles them and says they r bells, st peter lets him pass, the irish man pulls out a G string and st peter says how the fuck do they represent xmas?? Paddy said they're carols... Continue»
Posted by diver1uk2003 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Be My Girl

I was blue and lonely,
I couldn’t sl**p a wink
And I could only get u*********s
If I’d had to much to drink

There was somehow, something wrong somewhere,
And each day seemed grey and dead
The seeds of desperation
Were growing in my head

I needed inspiration,
A brand new start in life,
Somewhere to place affection,
But I didn’t want a wife

And then by lucky chance I saw
In a special magazine
An ad that was unusual,
The like I’d never seen,

’experience something different
With our new imported toy,
She’s loving, warm, inflatible
And... Continue»
Posted by KarlVonWillebrand 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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mmm

Wow, that was pretty exciting," Sue said when he had disappeared. "I didn't realise what a randy sod you are, Steph. You wouldn't think that you only started frigging around today."

"Maybe, but I've been feeling like it for weeks. You know, I could easily let some bloke have a proper eyeful of my fanny, without any knickers in the way, I mean. They may as well be off, because they're saturated in any case. I'm really juicing up."

"Me too, but I don't know that I could just flash my fanny in cold bl**d as it were. Once we pull some bloke though, no problem."

"Tell you what, let me take... Continue»
Posted by foreignera 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Memories From the Bush

"You've got to be k**ding!" I shouted out loud.

"Whoever thought to name a town that, must have had a huge hairy pussy fetish!"

"WELCOME TO BIG BEAVER PA." The sign said.

I had almost arrived at my new home in Pleasant Town Pa. population 55,000.*

There was no way I could concentrate on my language learning tapes now, not when I was this close to my destination.

Plus my mind was wandering too much anyway. Seeing that "Big Beaver" sign reminded me of my old college days.

Up near Albany NY there's a town everyone refers to ... Continue»
Posted by loriannthetran 5 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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Holiday heat.

Im in Italia with my honey right now and for 2 weeks there is no distractions of work ect.
All day and night loving possibilities so I will do this little quiz here.

The night before last I sat on the edge of what being ate slowly by him?

A the bed
B the bath
C the pool
D a chair
E all of the above


I last night had something wonderful between my thighs what was it?

A my honeys mouth
B my honeys cock
C my honeys hands/fingers
D a toy held by my honey
E all of the above

The bed here is with a massive headboard how have I held it while he has ate me?

A standingfacing ... Continue»
Posted by bylhamclarabella 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
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Valentines together

So Almost a year into your sex-filled relationship and its our first valentines together. its been a week since we last saw each other and i owe Bappy big! wearing a tight shirt, baggy jeans and low cut vest under my shirt i could see his excitement as i walked down the stairs at the train station. walking to union square and we stop for a cuddle and i can feel his member hard in his pants. a few hours pass and we decide to go back to his to celebrate properly. as soon as we get into his room we strip off he's getting hard and its happening fast. i moaning his ear how bad i've been needing his... Continue»
Posted by maaao 4 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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RAW: The Sex Magicians

Part 1 1

AT THE ORGASM RESEARCH FOUNDATION Dr. Roger Prong, who was known by some foundation employees as "a bl**dy Peeping Tom" and a "horny old voyeur" was in fact very scientific, or so he always insisted as he watched the girls having orgasms.

At the laboratory, Josie Welch, already nude but with a single sheet demurely spread over her full and obviously glorious body, looked unhappy as Roger entered.

"They tell me there won't be any men today,"

she said as soon as she saw the doctor.

"That's right, my dear," he said with professional unction. "That part of your testing i... Continue»
Posted by Johnnytames69 3 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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Women 'as likely as men to enjoy casual sex

It's not just men who are looking for 'friends with benefits'.

A Deakin University researcher has said that women are as likely as men to enjoy casual sexual arrangements, but for different reasons.

Kylie McCardle, who has been looking for 400 'friends with benefits' to take part in a survey, said the women who took part in an initial study said these arrangements gave them sexual confidence.

"The men were more likely to say they enjoyed the intimacy of the friendship," the Age quoted McCardle as saying.

The initial study was based on in-depth interviews with 15 couples, or 30 'fri... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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Facebook Dating Tips To Attract Girls

Tip #1 - Fix your Profile

Look at your FB Profile. What does it say about you? A girl that doesn't know you yet - what kind of image will she create about you when she checks your Profile? Think about it. Manipulate your profile to create a more attractive image about yourself. A guy that travels, has a lot of friends and has a strong identity is much more attractive than a guy getting wasted with "the boys" and behaving like a douche. Think about what your profile TELLS about you, then work on it.

Tip #2 - Don't be an Open Book

"Open books" are guys that are, well, open books. A girl... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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And Then He...

I know a lot of you will think 'What the f**k is this????' but I am sure some will see it for what it is. What is it? Well it is a poetic story for which you can add your own ending. And as it is only about a moment, you can add history if you wish. Essentially it is a little bit of fun, and that is an aspect of this site yeah??? Fun??? So I hope you (those few) enjoy :)


And Then He..


She came from afar, well Manchester,
And she came looking for him.
Stood at the station, he waited for her,
Imagining the pleasure she would bring.
And as their eyes met, so it began,
T... Continue»
Posted by genuineguy 3 years ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
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Dirty Dawg: Confessions of an Irredeemable BASTERD



Chapter 1: The Indian Intern


I had been working this shit job at a downtown law firm for quite some time had been considering quitting due to a wealth of “Busy Work” and my asshole of a supervisor Mr. Kumar. He was this Indian fuck who had started out six months ago in a satellite firm overseas and transferred into a management position. He was a big fan of cramming as much shit into an eight hour work period as humanly possible. He would watch ... Continue»
Posted by mondotoken 2 years ago  |  Categories: Interracial Sex, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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The English Gentleman and His American Tart

I was early in Northern England, 7am, but William sat waiting in the Manchester Airport for an International Flight from Chicago to arrive. Despite his best efforts, he was nervous. No, not nervous-nearly quaking in anticipation.

In a short time, the plane would land and she'd be here. She'd actually be here. No more texting on What's App, or sharing photos of each other over Facebook, she'd actually be standing in front of him and he felt himself terrified of how she'd react when she saw him.

It was true he was quite tall and sometimes unsure of himself, but today he'd dressed in her ... Continue»
Posted by ladysafran 1 year ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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