Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 104

Just a dirty fantasy I have

On the drive back to my apartment we stop at a red light, my attention turns to you, the lights of the city shine upon you, in such a way as I have never seen before, I begin to drink you in with my eyes, your flowing crimson hair, your gorgeous emerald eyes; I brush through your hair with my hand gently leaving it on your rosie cheeks, I draw you in for a kiss, as we embrace your lips quivers ,slightly, with anticipation, my kiss tender and soft, as tasting of the chocolate cake we shared for desert. We pull into the parking lot of my apartment. I exit the truck and quickly come open your doo... Continue»
Posted by fpenguin 4 years ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Sex Humor  |  
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Read on for 50 witty, poignant, and just plain fam

1. “I don’t know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.”
― Woody Allen
2. “Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.”
― Oscar Wilde
3. “Good sex is like good bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.”
― Mae West
MORE: The Beginner’s Guide to Kinky Sex
4. “If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.”
― Frank Zappa
5. “It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food.”
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33
6. “Sex is the most fun you can have without ... Continue»
Posted by AntGeisha 6 months ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Short Story

After last night I doubt I would ever speak to him again, everytime I thought about it my heart raced and my bl**d boiled! Sitting in my friends lounge room I was explaining the nights happenings and how Joe had accused me of fucking his cousin after he'd left the club which was a complete lie and was only almost a blow job in the back of a black cab one night when I dropped some change and bent over to pick it up, to which said cousin pulled my pony and pushed my face into his crotch, I could feel his hard member against my face and his grip on my hair was so tight my pussy immediately pulsed... Continue»
Posted by unknownfemale 3 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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Babymoons: Holidays when pregnant

Babymoons: Holidays when pregnant

Holidaying when you’re expecting is now so popular there’s even a name for it. Practical Parenting has these must-read tips for going on a ‘babymoon'

Holidays for parents-to-be are a growing trend – so much so that resorts and hotels around the world are marketing special packages specifically aimed at ‘babymooners’.

If you’re healthy and well, holidaying with a bump is a great way to relax and enjoy a bit of alone time with your partner pre-bub. But before you pack your bags and book your flights, it pays to do some homework.

The best time

The ... Continue»
Posted by billstew 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Happy days ..

So it was way back when the old mid-summer hippy festival used to happen in the fields adjacent to Stonehenge on Salisbury Plain ( that's in England - for our overseas readers ! ) . The current fairy had persuaded me to go to the festival with her and her ex, strange maybe but he had a car .......
We got there and pitched the tents, grabbed a beer and proceeded to skin-up and get nice and mellow. All was going well and she asked me to go for a wander about the site to see what was happening. I don't know if you ever went there, but it was a bit anarchic and a 'no-go-area' for the police. Y... Continue»
Posted by thakery59 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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The I talian Job 6

The Italian Job 6
This story contains some reference to what can only be described as c***d abuse so if you are of a nervous disposition or hate anything of this nature then close it now but as it is a part of the overall tale then I must tell it, I apologise in advance if I offend anyone, it is not intentional.
I returned to the village and as suspected faced an inquisition from Maria, she wanted to know all about my weekend with Rosanna, what was her house like?, did she really live alone?, was it wild sex?, was anyone else there?, and last but not least did I prefer Roseanna to Maria or ... Continue»
Posted by the_priest 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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Leslie Loves Sneaking Sex

Leslie, (from the blowjob story) was a really hot girl I met in high school, dated some much older guy during her first year in college but for the upcoming second year of school had broken up with him. For the second year she was moving into an apartment near me with her long time friend Sue.

The first day we moved in, Leslie called me and I invited her and Sue over to my apartment for a few drinks. Sue hit it off with one of my roommates and Leslie asked me to go back to her apartment. She clearly wanted to finish what started a over a year earlier and when we got back to her apartme... Continue»
Posted by nvision 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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Hot & Cold

Same gist. The first part is for buildup and character development, so if you’re only here for the sex, hit CTRL+F and enter “SEX STARTS HERE” or scroll down to that. Cheers! Please leave comments/critique!

Snowflakes fell from the sky periodically, but few and far between. The air was chilled and not a soul was in sight. All in all, it was a typical yet lonely winter scene.
My teeth chattered as I clung my skeleton-like fingers to the wheel, mumbling something about her being damn lucky. I was on the way to visit an old friend who recently went through a tough break-up. I hadn't ever tal... Continue»
Posted by soniclemon 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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Susan and John go shopping.

Susan was just parking her car at the shopping precinct when her iPhone pinged.

Txt 'Hi sue, what's happening babe.im rained off. Gone for a beer.'

She face timed him. " hello you sexy man. Hope your still getting paid haha"

"Course I am can't afford to not be with you about haha"

"That's true coz I'm at the Metro Centre I'm shopping for Tunisia, thought I'd buy some new bikinis maybe."

" oh don't waste any money. Just go naked. Hehehe"

"Pervert"

"Who me?? Haha now babe you know I love you flashing that hot bod of yours. Haha. Give me a flash of ya tits I've not seen them... Continue»
Posted by Les1111 1 year ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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the Horny Month with Anna and Dave - Part 2 ( 5:00

( before you read this , I just want you to know that you might find some errors in the text , after all ... I'm not a professional )

Anna wake up early on the next day ... she made sure she wear her pretty PJs that reveal her breasts-vine and pants that can easily slide down ... and of course , cute panties and no Bra ! ... the first step was to prepare a tasty meal to win his affection , and even a perfume for when she get close to him ... it was too much work to make everything perfect so early in the morning ... all what is left now is for Dave to wake up ... assuming that the br... Continue»
Posted by NSFW-Dealer 3 months ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
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The Italian Job 9

The Italian Job 9
Now to return to Italy, you remember that Maria had told me all about the situation when her father and uncle ****d her and I hope by now you have all forgiven me.
I got a phone call one morning at the factory, a strange sounding woman’s voice that asked me to meet her at the factory the following night, I asked what it was about and the voice just said it was a query on my contract, I then asked why it could not be dealt with during the day and she said she was out of town and would not be back till the evening and hoped it would not be a problem, I talked to Maria about i... Continue»
Posted by the_priest 4 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Sex Humor  |  
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Scott and Sara Chapter One

Chapter One: Feelings realized


It was a friday and there was Sara sitting Alone in her living room watching Television. As she landed on something finally interesting the power clicked off.

"No!" she shouted

"Sara!?" Her roommate Scott said emerging from his room.

Sara met Scott six months earlier, he was new in town and was looking for a place to stay and Sara was between jobs and desperately needed half of the rent so she agreed.

"The whole block's out!" Scott said looking out the window.

"So what do you want to do?" she asked.

"Umm.... how's work?" he asked.

"It'... Continue»
Posted by Johnny_Lee_Miller 1 year ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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The Wonderfully Naughty Wizard of Oz (Ch7/P1)

Leandra walked out to the throne room. Looking up at the blacken throne of her father, now her's to rule. "Servant come forth and show yourself." She turned from the throne to a small nome coming out of the shadows. He was of average nome height. Had round thin glasses birched on a long nose. His beard was the color of coal. His long robe dark like fresh spilled bl**d, covering his small frame.

"Yes my Queen, what can I do for you."

"What is your name."

"Looppen, your majesty."

"Well Looppen you are my new right hand. You have heard Kaliko screams. Betray me or disappoint me and yo... Continue»
Posted by teflonsamurai 4 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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Having Friends for Lunch: Strange Relationship &nd

With a Sunday afternoon unexpectedly free – many thanks to Richard’s rabble of students, to a man seemingly unable to cope with the dual pressures of actually doing work and handing it in on time, leaving Richard with piles of marking to do – I decided to hit the bookshops. Sounds sad, I know, but I find little to compare with the simple pleasure afforded by wrapping myself in a good book! Internet sites are all terribly convenient, but for me book shopping should be a tactile, sensual experience. I need to pick up and flick through fifty books before I decide. Thus, opting f... Continue»
Posted by ChrisTracy 6 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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Future Fuckin' - Fiction

January 5, 2113
Today was better than yesterday, at least. I was only f***ed to ejaculate seven times, compared with the 12 times I had to endure yesterday. I'm not sure what they think they're doing to me, but I know that if they keep it up, my balls will run permanently dry. They already feel like a couple of dust bunnies and I'm only halway through the week!

January 6, 2113
I was talking to a new "recruit" today about what's been going on outside these walls since I got here a year ago. Apparently, not much has changed. The Worldwide Overpopulation Mitigation And Neutralization program... Continue»
Posted by femalesonly 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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Hardonis Academy P-12

Chapter 12, Third Day


The three new friends met at breakfast the next day, they were all smiling. Even though they had not had sex with each other, they seemed sure of forming a tight bond. The Academy was centered on the Hall building, which included the dining area, library, club rooms, student council and newspaper offices, and the theater. To the East were the two dorm buildings. To the West was the sports complex, which included the medical office. To the north was the administration building, witch included the guidance councilor’s office. To the South was the large square ... Continue»
Posted by VictorL4fun 4 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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Eurotica 14: First day of the holiday

One of many tales I wrote - with many more to come if I get feedback!

Eurotica 14: First day of the holiday


Lorna was sitting back on her plastic chair and looking up, there was barely a cloud to be seen in the sky and a distant jet plane broke the blue void.
She was sat on the top balcony of the holiday apartment, the sun was high in the midday sky and the heat was entering every pore.
She was a redhead and her pale skin could suffer in that climate, it was for the best not to overdo it on the first day of the holiday. Why be in pain for the rest of it?
She put her sunglasses b... Continue»
Posted by nickyb1968 6 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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NYMPHOCOM - ch 01

The Mind Control Machine - ch01

Disclaimer : I am not a native English speaker so please don't hesitate to correct me if there are sentences which are not understandable !

Please comment/flame as appropriate !


Prologue

Controlling somebody else's mind has always been a common fantasy throughout the ages. Nothing is more fascinating than to have other human beings obeying your will without any restriction even at the risk of their own life. Many scientists have tried to uncover the secrets of the brain but so far our most complex organ has remained a mystery. We know that th... Continue»
Posted by Erocus 5 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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Cindy gets her first taste of anal.

Cindy moaned softly as Dane slipped two fingers inside of her. She felt the familiar ripples of orgasm overwhelm her senses, body tightening around his digits, juices dripping onto his hand. She stood there, rigid as his fingers worked their magic, rubbing and caressing her secret places.

She looked down at him sitting in front of her, arm muscles tensed, and saw the predatory gleam in his eyes, he wanted her... NOW... She whimpered at this, remembering the other times he had made her cum until it felt like her head would explode. He seemed to be holding back now, teasing her, his fingers ... Continue»
Posted by fotisampini 2 years ago  |  Categories: Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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C.D.s Magic Love Skin Cream





CD’s Magic Love Skin Cream

By J. J. Scribe

No one could have guessed the truth about CD’s obsessive sex life. To
any casual observer—or even a curious one—he appeared to be a perfectly
normal man. He was a junior partner at his firm in Philadelphia, with a solid
financial future in front of him. Though he didn’t attend regularly,
he was a member of the First Methodist Church, a friendly face at
coffee hours and social events.

Though divorced for five years, he remained friends with his former
wife and was a loving father to his three c***dren, sharing them on
alternati... Continue»
Posted by jjscribe1 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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