Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 102

FAQs About Me

I get heaps of questions about me, so I'll answer as many as I can here.

1. Do you do guys?

As a general rule, no. I do appreciate a nice set of balls every now and again, however, but I don't like fucking men.

2. Do you do girls?

Yes. Of all ages.

3. What are your views on i****t?

Depends. Heterosexual i****t is just wrong, with chances of deformed babies and the illnesses and the like. Homosexual i****t is alright by me, because if two consenting people want to have sex with each other in a safe way without any chance of having a deformed c***d -... Continue»
Posted by helenaserret 4 years ago  |  Categories: Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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Harley Quinn and Batgirl

Batgirl was out in gotham it had been a long night and she was ready to head home as nothing much was going on. Just then something caught her eye a shadow in the next street.

She moved stealthy over and knelt down peering around the corner, she saw harley quinn trying to break in to the back of a jewelers store, batgirl sighed thinking she was in the mood for this but moved round the corner sneaking up behind harley.

"need a hand there harley" batgirl said, harley jumped around "no im ok thank's" she said with a cheeky smile, "oh cut that out right now I don't have time for this im taki... Continue»
Posted by michaelalwayshorny 2 years ago  |  Categories: Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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Our Own Show

Nikki was the first to blow. S/he caught me square in the eye.

"Oh! I'm cumming," s/he shouted.

That caused a chain reaction. Francesca splashed me on one side while Zaza got me on the other.

************************************************************************

"Fuck!' shouted Nick in frustration. "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!"

"I'm OK!" I assured Dennis.

"Now what do we do?" asked Zaza.

And with that one of Gigi's favorite movies popped into my head.

"Come on everybody! It's like what Judy Garla... Continue»
Posted by loriannthetran 6 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Gay Male, Sex Humor  |  
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Just a dirty fantasy I have

On the drive back to my apartment we stop at a red light, my attention turns to you, the lights of the city shine upon you, in such a way as I have never seen before, I begin to drink you in with my eyes, your flowing crimson hair, your gorgeous emerald eyes; I brush through your hair with my hand gently leaving it on your rosie cheeks, I draw you in for a kiss, as we embrace your lips quivers ,slightly, with anticipation, my kiss tender and soft, as tasting of the chocolate cake we shared for desert. We pull into the parking lot of my apartment. I exit the truck and quickly come open your doo... Continue»
Posted by fpenguin 3 years ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Sex Humor  |  
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My Past Life

“Your hands, your mouth are to be helpers to my cock, as are those of your s****r!
She has made me cum, with her hands and mouth, more times than I can count!
At command, she hardens me, strokes me, licks, sucks, until the inevitable end of her skills, and then, what do you think happens? What do you suppose I do?

I shoot my cum, my semen, on her face. That is my greatest pleasure, but not by any means my only one. But soon, you will see for yourself what I will require from you”.


I will make no comment on the above variant version of the Marquis de Sade, except to say that it is ... Continue»
Posted by Raedman 3 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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Interview with Caroline Laurence, translated, on h

Interview with Caroline Laurence on filming "La Vénus á Lulu" - 1991 Dir: D. Losset
Interview with Michel Legrand - "Le Filme" magazine... August 1992.


ML: How did you get the role as Venus in this film?

CL: My agent phoned me & said there was a role in a TV film calling for a slim Nordic-looking girl.... BUT...........I'd have to be naked through most of it & have to act with little boys, no sexual bits, very tasteful & directed by Daniel Losset as a 'Jacques Tati-style' comedy, just be naked for most of the scenes, although discretely filmed & covered by scener... Continue»
Posted by septictone 4 years ago  |  Categories: Celebrities, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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The Italian Job 18

The Italian Job 18
I have re-submitted this one after some confusion, so if it crops up again, just ignore it, this one may be a bit of a tear jerker so ladies have your hankies ready.

Several weeks past and all was relatively quiet but I was troubled, something was bugging me and I could not make up my mind, I said nothing to Ellie but finally succumbed and went to Genoa, I knew the address and parked outside, I sat in the car for an hour trying to get up the courage to go and knock on the door, finally I went to the door, I knocked and a tall elegant middle aged Italian woman answered th... Continue»
Posted by the_priest 4 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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A bit of Posh!

Right then… in my ‘pretty woman I am not’ post I mentioned 2 other ‘gentlemen callers’ that had recently made my acquaintance. Well in this entry I am going to fill you all in on the second one. As with the first, my inspiration for nicknames has for some reason or another vanished, and as he already said he really didn’t want to be called ‘cutting-in’ (suggested for a couple of reasons… all of which clever I thought) I needed to go back to the ‘sex-inspired’ drawing board. I kind of had the feeling that I should try and incorporate an element from the film ‘indecent proposal’ but was bugge... Continue»
Posted by unassumingmistress 2 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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15 Things That Can Impress Every Girl

This is what all girls had to say when we asked them to mention a few traits that they like or dislike about men. So if you haven’t been out with women, or haven’t been able to hold on to a steady girlfriend, take a look. With this, tomorrow could be your lucky day! we compiled a few turn on’s and a few turn off’s that the men can definitely use.







Things that Impress Women

1. Confidence
2. Sense of Humor
3. Intelligence
4. Support
5. Sensitivity
6. Self-Worth
7. Focused Goals
8. Great Imagination
9. Independent Streak
10. Passionate and Desirous
11. Bravery and Coura... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Hanging Around

On occasion you read about something kinky and it sounds so good you just want to try it. The first time Tonya and I did this, things didn’t quite go as they should have. Mike had left one of his pornographic magazines lying on our living room radiator and Tonya found it. We began reading through the letters in it and found one with an interesting premise. It offered both a measure of fear and arousal. We decided to try it.
The premise was for me to be nearly hanging by my balls, with my head and the tips of my toes the only support to prevent the actual suspension, while my wife performed or... Continue»
Posted by voivodevlad 4 years ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Sex Humor  |  
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Sex-facts' you never knew

1. Globally, lovers are having sex 139 times a year. The French are the lovemaking pacesetters, according to the Durex Global Sex Survey 2002, coming in at 167 times each 365 days.

2. Condoms are biodegradable — some of them. Lambskin and latex condoms are biodegradable, but polyurethane condoms aren't.

3. Sex-enhancing CDs are being sold for setting the mood. Try some classical options to rock your world: Shacking Up to Chopin, Making Out to Mozart and Bedroom Bliss with Beethoven are available.

4. Don't douche — it's not recommended anymore. Douching washes away the healthy bacte... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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Vibration Platform Fitness Machine Product Review

A few months ago my husband and I looked at all different brands of the vibration platform physical fitness machines displayed at a Zoomer Show. After testing all of the exercise positions shown on the visual guide (particularly the sitting ones), I decided that the Turbovibe Light suited my personal requirements the best. I particularly liked the dual motors concept and the flexibility of the electronic remote programming features. All of the other machines at the show had a complex superstructure that I felt impeded diagonal access to the plate area, thus limiting my inventive routines.

S... Continue»
Posted by AdorableLaura 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Read on for 50 witty, poignant, and just plain fam

1. “I don’t know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.”
― Woody Allen
2. “Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.”
― Oscar Wilde
3. “Good sex is like good bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.”
― Mae West
MORE: The Beginner’s Guide to Kinky Sex
4. “If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.”
― Frank Zappa
5. “It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food.”
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33
6. “Sex is the most fun you can have without ... Continue»
Posted by AntGeisha 5 months ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Two Islands: Day 3 - II

After the morning wrestle, I decided to go fishing. AJ & Rina were still diving. The adults got back from mainland. The good news is they brought back enough beer to keep the twins and Maribel from continuing their reverse gang bang.

I never done fishing with a real fishing rod before so when I tried to throw the line, I got myself hooked at my right shoulder. I flinched from the pain and tried not to move so much so I wouldn't feel the small piece of metal injected in my skin rubbing my flesh. I didn't call out for help. Thinking my aunt would just get mad for being careless. Instead, I tr... Continue»
Posted by blu3rthanu 4 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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cyber sex

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny

Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stere... Continue»
Posted by musclecock 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Idle Jack

An old, old tale of Lady Jane
Of how she lost her honour.
And how the lad called Idle Jack
Inflicted shame upon her.

Young Jane, a pure and simple lass,
Of years just sweet eighteen
With hair of gold and eyes so blue
And skin like golden cream.

Whene're she walked around the town
The local lads would sigh
And all their trouser fronts would bulge
As this fair lass passed by.

But Lady Jane was innocent
And never knew the score
She just assumed the bulge was naught
And knew not what it's for.

No... Continue»
Posted by pictureman645 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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A Supernatual Seduction

Moving into my new home was both exciting and a little scary. It gave me a feeling of accomplishment and independence, as I struck out on my own for the first time, to take on the world. The house is old and could use some tender loving care but it is all mine. A place where I would make all the decisions and accept all the responsibilities for them. All of my furniture is hand me downs from my f****y and friends. I hope to save some money so eventually I can buy all new things and decorate the whole house to be my dream home.


At first sl**ping in the old house was a little unpleas... Continue»
Posted by rime923091 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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Cum for me

it was a late thursday evening, i was revising hard for my biology exam, i got to the sex ed part of my revision guide and my penis grew like a daffodil spring,i was stroking my penis tirelessley when my nan walked in, out of nowhere saucey music began to play, she took off her dressing gown and uttered the words " let me play with your daffodildo big boy" and then she died. ... Continue»
Posted by thebakemeister 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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The Italian Job 24

The Italian Job 24
Maria and I went back to the hotel, we went to the room and she decided she would like to go to the pool for a nap in the sun,
I rang Ellie and told her what had happened with Eduardo, she was very sympathetic and asked if Maria was ok and how I was getting on with her, I told her everything was fine and not to fret,
I still loved her, I think she just needed to hear me say it, I changed into my swimmers and went down to the pool, a young guy was sitting on a sunbed next to Maria who was laid on a sunbed, she had her eyes closed, she had her bikini on but I was not sur... Continue»
Posted by the_priest 4 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
398

Freewill 504: Part 7 Fun and Games

Freewill 504: Part 7 Fun and Games


Me and my two roommates sat quietly in our room studying. For me this wasn't an unusual way to spend a Friday night, especially so deep in a semester, but for Carol and Jessica, it was a rarity indeed. Usually their idea of studying included the stereo blasting and the television on at full volume so it could be heard over the music. This was doubly strange since it was a Friday night. They never stayed home on a weekend night. I sipped at my Diet Coke and continued to flip through my Chemistry book. It was probably ten minutes later that I heard my firs... Continue»
Posted by tzrlvr 2 years ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Sex Humor  |  
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