Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 102
After I Die I Want to Come Back as A Lesbian - Maybe
I love pussy! It's my favorite food! I don't just LOVE pussy; I ADORE it! I even love the WORD "pussy!" I love to look at it; I love to think about it; I love to touch it and to feel it and to kiss it and lick it and rub my nose in it. Anyone who has one is my kind of person! This is why I once had the thought that after I die I would LOVE to come back in my next life as a lesbian!
Lesbians seem to have SOOOOO much fun with each other. They can do most of the things that guys can do for them, and they can do them BETTER because... Continue»
Apart from this, the perfect girlfriend is a career-minded woman who earns more than their partner but at the same time wants to stay at home and bring up the c***dren.
The clue to these seemingly contradictory demands lies in the men polled, 3,000 bachelors.
Near the top of their girlfriend checklist is the requirement that she should have a "pert bottom" – which may explain why they are still single.
And while three-quarters of the men polled said their ideal woman would keep her weight in check, 89 per cent also wanted her to tuck into a big meal without worrying. These perfect ... Continue»
Her name is Elisa Grumway and although she may look like a Supermodel she is anything but.
She drinks to much, smokes cheap cigars and eats more McDonalds than a long haul trucker and yet she has an amazing figure. When asked how she pulls it off she always answers:
"Good Genes and lots of Running"
Elisa is a Bail Enf***ement Officer aka Bounty Hunter.
You may ask how a Woman who looks like so stunning and should be prancing down a Catwalk in Milan fell into the Hunting game, well it all began Two years earlier.
After being "dismissed" from a brief stint as Mrs. Cluck (a cos... Continue»
This was actually a song writing attempt from the 90's...hence the odd form...
I Wish I Knew
Where did you come from, who are you?
Where do you live, what do you do?
Did we share a bottle, did we share a drink?
Did we discuss what each of us think?
But you're lying next to me all the same,
I just wish I could remember your name.
How did you get here, did you drive your car?
Or did we meet in that corner bar?
Did I walk you home, did I hold the door?
Did you find me interesting or another bore?
But you're lying next to me all the same,
I just wish I could rememb... Continue»
Mary had a little skirt
Which split up either side
And everywhere that Mary went
The boys could see her thighs
Mary had another skirt
Which split right up the front
And everywhere that Mary went
The boys (& girls) could play with her CUNT... Continue»
Bad: You find a porn movie in your son's room.
Worse: You're in it.
Bad: Your c***dren are sexually active.
Worse: With each other.
Good: The teacher likes your son.
Good: You go to see a strip show.
Bad: Your daughter's the headliner.
Good: Your boyfriend's exercising.
Bad: So he'll fit in your clothes.
Good: Your daughter's on the Pill.
Bad: She's eleven.
Good: Your wife meets you at the door nude.
Bad: She's coming home.
Once a upon a time, a long long time ago yesterday in fact. Today I began my plan to catch the elusive one. The one who rescues clothespins from clotheslines. The plan was a simple one to string up 7 clotheslines facing the wind knowing that if she was near that she might hear the cries of the clothespins. Now that the 7 lines were up I just had to wait and hope the wind would do it's job and carry the cries of the clothespins. This quest started years ago when I first put a clothespin on my penis. And today was going to be the day that I'd finally meet my fantasy girl. With the 7,000 clothesp... Continue»
Not being a big drinker there are not many bar stories that I can tell but I do have this one that is just so out there it’s hard to believe.
And I was there.
I’ve always been a motorcycle rider, it started out that I need transportation that was cheap starting a f****y on a retail pay limits your budget. So 10 year old Hondas or Kawasaki’s were what I could get.
Well after riding in any weather cold, wet, sleet and snow most people that I worked with or passed me on the road or were passed by thought that I was crazy or just one hard ass.
And I n... Continue»
You get home from the gym and call out to me that you are going to the shower, and you hear me mumble something back. You think nothing of it, assuming that there was something on TV.
Once you get upstairs you can smell the freesia candles burning. You glance into the bathroom and see it lit up with candles. You know I will be up shortly to join you, so you rip your cloths off and toss them into the bedroom and hop into the shower. You stand under the hot pulsating water. You are enjoying the feel of the hot water caressing your body, and you don't even notice me coming into the shower, unt... Continue»
It was September and as it was my birthday, I had booked Jan for my birthday treat - an afternoon of sexual lust at her discreetly located house in the suburbs. I had made several visits before and we had explored and enjoyed each other's bodies getting more adventurous each time. I onw counted as one of her "regulars".
When I rang to make the booking, Jan (always the true professional) uttered those five sexy words which are always a big turn-on, "How do you want me?". Well, on previous occasions I had tried the usual: black stockings and bra; a basque with her tits deliciously exposed; an... Continue»
Brief sex 03 - Sex on the circuit
3 brief sex
Quick fuck on the circuit
I love cars, speed and motorsport. When I was younger I would run a few rallies, but mostly hill climbs and then came the great era of fol'car races on dirt, not the stock not matter competitors to type .. it goes f *** e sometimes but never direct attack .. is of the race .. speed.
As in other disciplines .. a lot of women come to see .. I know they like the atmosphere that are the guys to battle it's amazing but true .. and a lot of pretty girls roam the stands. This weekend's a pretty little brunette ... Continue»
Ménage A Trois by Ghipster
“Our cocks are no bigger than white men’s cock”. I shouted to the applauding audience of the university’s Jr. KKK Fraternity “And I speak for all black men everywhere, when I say,
THANK YOU! Thank you for this flattering but preposterous myth. And they say white folks ain’t done nothing for us. Ha!”
This unbelievable line of bullshit yielded me a standing ovation and an session of signing autographs afterwards. Little did anyone know, I did the whole lecture strictly on a dare from my pot-head roommates. But such was the life back in the glory days of coll... Continue»
If you are a nice guy then you are a Renaissance Man.
Never put yourself down as average or guy next door.
Nothing wrong with being a nice guy.
You can role play, but inside women will sense a player vs a man.
Women who do play or desire sex here are not sluts despite what they may post.
That is just a label...they are still women inside.
Just as not all who are on here are perverts, but mostly real men and women who either find it an escape or way to hook up and satisfy their needs.
If a woman is f***ed into a sex role by her man then be aware it might not be the fantasy it a... Continue»
Introduction: For all those people that think their cars look too boring......
Jesus loves you, but I think your an asshole!
Zero to dick in 60 seconds.
Very Funny Scotty, now beam up my clothes...
Madness takes its toll--please have exact change ready.
Stamp Out Crime - Abolish the IRS
Don't Honk - I'm Pedaling as Fast as I Can
If You Can Read This Bumper Sticker, You're In Range
This Vehicle Swerves and Hits Pedestrians at Random
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
I have PMS and a handgun. ANY QUESTIONS?
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes... Continue»
Dear Dirty Diary,
Giggles and whispers filtered through into my recurrent dream staring The Devil’s Dick. His big black penis stood fire hose stiff as I tore the wrapper off the extra large condom I took out of my purse. As I rolled the slippery latex sheath down his extraordinary erection, I was delighted to find it fit perfectly right down to its base. I cranked his seatback lower, whipped my jeans and panties off, swung my left leg over and straddled him. I centered the head of his penis in my pussy, and then let my shaking knees relax. His big knob popped in somewhat uncomfortably, b... Continue»
It isn't easy but you can't bring yourself to go back for her. You know if you do then you're both screwed. Still, you can't bear to just completely abandon her so you duck behind a large fallen log and wait.
Just as you thought, in seconds Trina and her three team mates come bursting into the clearing where they spot Melissa, helplessly lying on the ground.
"Well, well, well," Trina muses, "look what we have here." The other girls surround her and Trina turns to face the woods, "Come out, Cam, I know you're nearby!"
"Let's just go look for him, forget about this whore," interjects ... Continue»
Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word "fuck". It is the one magical word which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate.
In language, "fuck" falls into many grammatical categories.
•It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John).
•It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a fuck), an adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck).
•It can also be used as an adje... Continue»
Continued on from my story.
so christmas has come and gone.
It was a rather hectic one. 24-27th of christmas at my parents house and the 27th-30th was at my darling bappys. so many good memories. so much to catch up on eh.
over the christmas period i'd come to realize all relationships were based around sex even if they say it doesn't. women use it for their own advantage, men use it as a release of pressure and its been proven in my relationship recently. christmas came with a strawberry flavour and some dirty talk driving the parents to leaving the house as soon as they heard the b... Continue»
Goodhead led Bonkabitch to the edge of the roof.
“I’m glad you fixed my shower earlier today Marko,” she said quietly. “I have something special for you. Something special for me.”
“Yes ma’am,” said Bonkabitch, sipping from a glass of champagne. Not the kind of stuff he normally drank. He was a beer and shots man himself. He felt a little dizzy. The champagne must have gone to his head. Must have been a little stronger than he thought.
“You look really pretty,” whispered Goodhead, taking the glass from Bonkabitch, kissing him on his lipstick painted lips. “You look really sexy, you ... Continue»
Once you've made up your mind about having a baby, visit a gynaecologist to get a check-up done. There's a lot you need to learn and know about pregnancy and getting your doubts cleared by an expert is a good idea. Ask your doctor about prenatal vitamins that contain folic acid, which will decrease your risk of having a baby with neural tube defects. If you have any medical problems, they need to be brought under control before you become pregnant.
Familiarise yourself with your cycle. Each woman is different. Remember that ovulation is the best time to get pregnant and symptoms of ovulati... Continue»