Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 101

For thousands of years, men have tried to understa

AIM:

Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.

You don't get any points for doing something she expects.

Sorry, that's just the way the game's played.

Here's a guide to the points system:

SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed ...............................+1
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.....-1
You leave the toilet seat up....................-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty... 0
When the toilet paper has run out, you resort to Kleenex...-1
You go out to bu... Continue»
Posted by Jim-Nice-But-Dim 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
346
  |  
100%
  |  1

Sexy Fairytale part 4

Kristen followed the path until nightfall when she fell asl**p. Hesitant about sl**ping in a path, in case a carriage or something should come along, she found a little meadow just before sundown. Thankful that she'd had some time to rest after her gang-bang, Kristen curled up around herself on a soft patch of grass.

The next morning she awoke to musical humming...

Bolting awake and sitting upright, Kristen found herself facing a beautiful brunette wearing a jumper much like her own, except that it was red and still had a blouse. The young woman was about her age and was also wearing a ... Continue»
Posted by drew1207 10 months ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  
346
  |  
100%

A to Z Fuckstories – D is for Double Damn!

Sorry about the wait. I lost the file with the first half of the story, so I started over. Then I found the file, so I wasted a couple days on a different story. I found it though! I've already started work on "E".

After supper, I retreated back to my fortress of solitude that is my bedroom. I remembered, without jacking off, the great day I had had. Holy shit, I had fucked two hot girls, and they both blew me. How much better could my life be right now?

My question was answered as I looked at my phone. It was a text from Catherine. She was busty, easily double D bra size, and she had a... Continue»
Posted by jurrjens 3 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, First Time, Sex Humor  |  
345
  |  
96%
  |  4

NYMPHOCOM - ch 02

The Mind Control Machine


Chapter 2 - Julie wants more


During the next few days I did not see Julie and, as her boyfriend was probably back, I did not want to check on her. I was concerned about what were her thoughts ... Would she go crazy about what she had done ? Had she noticed that she had been influenced by an outside f***e ? I did not want to try the NYMPHOCOM on another girl before having made sure that its waves were completely harmless, except for a girl's sexuality of course. I had checked the device entirely several times and apart for the orgasm triggered by the cum swa... Continue»
Posted by Erocus 4 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, First Time, Sex Humor  |  
344
  |  
68%
  |  1

His Majesty

When flaccidly resting his mock impotence is taken for granted, lack of excitement showing in his diminished size. Where does his mass disappear to? He looks peaceful lying there silent, patient, waiting for a feeling that he is needed or some sign of interest from a female. Until then he will lie restfully limp.
Then suddenly, as if to show that he is alive, he wakes. Rising tall and straight out of the surroundings. No slow waking, no delay. He springs to life. Nothing to everything in an instant. His size increases to double its proportion immediately.
His head, slightly larger than th... Continue»
Posted by Testdriver 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
344
  |  
93%

The Wonderfully Naughty Wizard of Oz (Ch9/P2)

Leandra took a quick look back at the knight and the gobkins, to see it any of them had moved towards her. When she knew it was safe she turned her attention back to Nikko.

"I want you to go back to the castle and find Zimo and Gotifri. Tell them to gather a small group of loyal soldiers and come to Mombi castle. I don't know how this is going to turn out and I might need their assistants. Have them stay hidden, until I signal them."

"How will you signal them, my queen."

"I will think of something. They will know it when they see it."

She heard the hoofs of the knight horse coming ... Continue»
Posted by teflonsamurai 3 years ago  |  Categories: Celebrities, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
343
  |  
100%
  |  2

A Bad Time For Honesty

DJ: "Hey! This is Edgar on WBAM. Have you ever heard of 'MateMatch'?"
Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."
DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to Orlando , Florida if you win. What is your name? First name only please."
Contestant: "Brian."
DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?"
Brian: "Yes."
DJ: "Yes? Does that mean you're married or you're what?"
Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married."
DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please."
Brian: "Sara."
DJ: "Is Sara at work, Brian?"
Brian: "She is gonna kill me."
DJ: "Stay with me here, Brian!... Continue»
Posted by PornApocalypse 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
343
  |  
100%
  |  1

Allow me to introduce myself :

I don't want the truth. I want the dream. I don't need to be the center of attention; or have all the eyes on me. I don't want the lies and gossip spread around.

I get the hush when I walk through the door. I want to see the fear in their eyes when I walk on by with my head held high. They all hate me because I don't care about looks or the ideal body, yet follow me around like the worthless dogs that they are.

They say I am like Peter Pan. They say that I am vain and have an ego that is in full control. They tell me I'm apathetic as if I were to care.

But they don't fucking know m... Continue»
Posted by inmynewskin 2 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
343
  |  
100%
  |  1

The Wonderfully Naughty Wizard of Oz (Ch5/P2)

Zimo turned to Gotifri,"Go grab the bench from the empty cell and bring it out here".

Gotifri opened the cell door and went into the back. Dragging out the bench to the middle of the room. Zimo went up to Leandra and grabbed a hold of her hand. He walked her over to the long bench. "Straddle the bench. I want to taste that pussy".

Leandra swung her leg over the bench and straddling it sticking her ass up in the air a little. Zimo slapped her ass, as Gotifri sat down in front of her.

Zimo slapped the other cheek. "Dam baby, fuck you got a tight body. That ass is fucking tight." He sat... Continue»
Posted by teflonsamurai 3 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
342
  |  
97%
  |  5

Vampire's Slave pt 2

The venture


The previous night, after shooting a copious load of cum down the gorgeous vampire's throat, Danny had agreed to drive Sylvia across the country to meet with her b*****r and s****r. Well not her actual b*****r and s****r, but the three vampires had all been turned into bl**dsuckers by the same elder vampire and apparently in their world that meant they were f****y.

That morning at 5am, well before the sun was up, Danny and Sylvia hit the road.

Sylvia's car turned out to be a very nice black limousine, not the most subtle vehicle, but it had specially darkened windows and... Continue»
Posted by engineerx1980 1 year ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
343
  |  
100%
  |  1

Dear Dirty Diary - part 9

Dear Dirty Diary,

Eight weeks had passed since Doug had come home from the hospital. He was still a little pale looking and complained of being cold all the time because of the bl**d thinners. The night before, he was detached and completely immersed in a Blue Jays baseball game. Early the following morning was gray and rainy and I was feeling quite sorry for myself. Like a fool looking for comfort, I went down into the den, popped in that Lisa Brokop “When I get to be you” CD into the stereo and cranked up the volume.
... Continue»
Posted by AdorableLaura 4 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  
341
  |  
100%
  |  1

The Italian job 3

The Italian job 3
I have told you about my adventures in the factory with Roseanna, Maria and Yvonne, this is a continuation of that adventure after I got over the shock of Maria teasing me about babies but I did continue to look after Maria and Yvonne sexually going for dinner at least once a week, taking her mother through the anal experience which she seemed to enjoy from the noise she made, I didn’t fuck Maria in the arse because for some reason I felt she was too special for me to spoil in this way and because of the way her mother was screaming when I fucked her arse, Maria could not qu... Continue»
Posted by the_priest 3 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
341
  |  
100%
  |  4

Dear Dirty Diary - part 3


Dear Dirty Diary,

Three weeks passed and it was Sunday morning. The sun peeked softly through the slats of the blinds in our bedroom, showing promise for an inspiring new day. Doug was sl**ping soundly, so I carefully slipped out of bed and headed for the shower. Soon the hot water tingled against my back and trickled down my bum, warming me completely. I shampooed my hair then began to lather the rest of me. The slippery bar of Dove slid soothingly across my wet skin, caressing my body with its softly rounded contours. Sure I had lathered my body completely, I took down the hand-held... Continue»
Posted by AdorableLaura 4 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  
340
  |  
100%
  |  2

"SpUnk coCK!"-LESLEY



when your a boy and your name is leslie-not female version ie lesley,
your first day at school is a real nightmare!-and it dont get any better
all the way through your school years.
boys are never gay but they sure get up to some strange games ,which if
any one else did would be "sooooo gay" i was teased and bullied a bit all
through my teen years,even though i soon learned too use my fists if things
got to "

crazy,i enjoyed hiding behind a "soft" image to see how far the guys
would go with "lesley anne" the S,punk rocker,yeah i was into punk... Continue»
Posted by spunkrokr 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Shemales  |  
340
  |  
95%
  |  3

That particular morning

Everyday I'd wake up around 7 am and take my morning dump, usually I'd read the newspaper sometimes I'd only have time for a quick one so it was a hastily achieved f***ed one, kind of dump that just shoots straight out which isn't fun when it's not solid as it covers the bowl like that time at my mother-in-laws when I forgot to flush after eating some bad fish.

Any who.

After my dump my wife (Gazzel) would have breakfast waiting for me at about 07:45-08:00, she'd always cook me something good like fried food with a side bowl of healthy cereal which I had the choice to eat but never did ... Continue»
Posted by TheShalong 3 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Fetish, Sex Humor  |  
340
  |  
30%
  |  1

A Little R&R

A woman I have been friends with for the last four years invited me over to hang out at her Apt. She had a friend over, and I had it in my head the friend without the boyfriend would be there, and I might possibly hook up with said friend. I brought a fifth of R&R and even shoved a few condoms in my pocket, just in case. When I arrived, my heart fell. Her single friend wasn't there; alas, it was the one girl that had a boyfriend. I wasn't that upset, I just thought, maybe. So, I broke out the bottle and we started drinking anyway.

As the afternoon progressed, I sat on the back porch w... Continue»
Posted by elvinmagick 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
340
  |  
100%

help me finish!!!

Ok so obviously that's not the name of this story, but I am having trouble taking this story where it needs to go. I was perfectly fine when I started but I seem to have a bit of a block and looking for help. I am pretty open and usually just write off the cuff... so if any of you would like to help and have some ideas it would be incredibly helpful. Let me know either by pm or posting a comment here. Would love any suggestions! thank you!

"Fuck!!!!", slamming my hand on the door. I can't believe I locked myself out. It's late August and there is a definite chill in the air. Well so m... Continue»
Posted by candicanne 3 years ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Fetish, Sex Humor  |  
340
  |  
67%
  |  4

YOU CAN LOOK AND I WILL SAY WHEN YOU CAN TOUCH PAR

LOOK AND I WILL SAY WHEN YOU CAN TOUCH

Part 2

It was nearly a week later before I saw anyone which was strange as they never seemed to be there much considering they were a f****y I was beginning to think they were a very strange f****y,

I mean she put on a show for me, I then saw her with another man while her husband watched and the took part,
And now they were never at home and what’s happened to the son I haven’t seen him since they moved into the area very strange,

I’m still hoping to get to fuck her myself as it would seem that she likes to tease and then enjoys fucking othe... Continue»
Posted by bobbyblue53 1 year ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
340
  |  
50%

wen out and just cant wait to b fuked!!

many times ive been out and about, in the pubs and clubs, we all know wat its like wen u get the sexual urge to b fuked rite there and then, well i can proudly say i have fuked in most of the pub toilets in my town...............due to the fact wen the urge cums on and its too strong its a case of drag ur boyfriend to the nearest toilet cubicle get his trousers undone and his cock in ur mouth give him a very enjoyable lush slow and sensual sucking until he is fit to blow............he pulls u up by ur hair bends u over the toilet, lifts ur skirt pulls down ur panties hard like he is almost goi... Continue»
Posted by andetonya999 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
339
  |  
100%

Brief sex 008 In the cemetery at night

Brief sex 008


In the cemetery at night.



Ah the summer holidays when we were young, what memorable moments. This is the time when one awakens to love. In fact we think of nothing but ass girls much more than studying. That was my case, I sought every means to draw any passing petticoat. I must say that in my youth I feel that the fair were less shy. I think I've lived in good years.

I had just turned 17, but other times other manners at that age I was going on vacation with my parents. Oh it was not a hassle but they had too much on the back sometimes. That year we went to m... Continue»
Posted by CinquantNERF 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
339
  |  
93%
  |  2