Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 100
“Your hands, your mouth are to be helpers to my cock, as are those of your s****r!
She has made me cum, with her hands and mouth, more times than I can count!
At command, she hardens me, strokes me, licks, sucks, until the inevitable end of her skills, and then, what do you think happens? What do you suppose I do?
I shoot my cum, my semen, on her face. That is my greatest pleasure, but not by any means my only one. But soon, you will see for yourself what I will require from you”.
I will make no comment on the above variant version of the Marquis de Sade, except to say that it is ... Continue»
Batgirl was out in gotham it had been a long night and she was ready to head home as nothing much was going on. Just then something caught her eye a shadow in the next street.
She moved stealthy over and knelt down peering around the corner, she saw harley quinn trying to break in to the back of a jewelers store, batgirl sighed thinking she was in the mood for this but moved round the corner sneaking up behind harley.
"need a hand there harley" batgirl said, harley jumped around "no im ok thank's" she said with a cheeky smile, "oh cut that out right now I don't have time for this im taki... Continue»
This is what all girls had to say when we asked them to mention a few traits that they like or dislike about men. So if you haven’t been out with women, or haven’t been able to hold on to a steady girlfriend, take a look. With this, tomorrow could be your lucky day! we compiled a few turn on’s and a few turn off’s that the men can definitely use.
Things that Impress Women
2. Sense of Humor
7. Focused Goals
8. Great Imagination
9. Independent Streak
10. Passionate and Desirous
11. Bravery and Coura... Continue»
Right then… in my ‘pretty woman I am not’ post I mentioned 2 other ‘gentlemen callers’ that had recently made my acquaintance. Well in this entry I am going to fill you all in on the second one. As with the first, my inspiration for nicknames has for some reason or another vanished, and as he already said he really didn’t want to be called ‘cutting-in’ (suggested for a couple of reasons… all of which clever I thought) I needed to go back to the ‘sex-inspired’ drawing board. I kind of had the feeling that I should try and incorporate an element from the film ‘indecent proposal’ but was bugge... Continue»
On occasion you read about something kinky and it sounds so good you just want to try it. The first time Tonya and I did this, things didn’t quite go as they should have. Mike had left one of his pornographic magazines lying on our living room radiator and Tonya found it. We began reading through the letters in it and found one with an interesting premise. It offered both a measure of fear and arousal. We decided to try it.
The premise was for me to be nearly hanging by my balls, with my head and the tips of my toes the only support to prevent the actual suspension, while my wife performed or... Continue»
1. Globally, lovers are having sex 139 times a year. The French are the lovemaking pacesetters, according to the Durex Global Sex Survey 2002, coming in at 167 times each 365 days.
2. Condoms are biodegradable — some of them. Lambskin and latex condoms are biodegradable, but polyurethane condoms aren't.
3. Sex-enhancing CDs are being sold for setting the mood. Try some classical options to rock your world: Shacking Up to Chopin, Making Out to Mozart and Bedroom Bliss with Beethoven are available.
4. Don't douche — it's not recommended anymore. Douching washes away the healthy bacte... Continue»
A few months ago my husband and I looked at all different brands of the vibration platform physical fitness machines displayed at a Zoomer Show. After testing all of the exercise positions shown on the visual guide (particularly the sitting ones), I decided that the Turbovibe Light suited my personal requirements the best. I particularly liked the dual motors concept and the flexibility of the electronic remote programming features. All of the other machines at the show had a complex superstructure that I felt impeded diagonal access to the plate area, thus limiting my inventive routines.
"Umm... well," he hesitated only for a moment because he had his side of the story already figured out. He realized it would come to this, so he had a plan in mind. "Your son insisted that he come to the concert with us, even though we warned him to follow your rules. On the way to the concert he got pulled over for speeding. The cop searched your car and found his d**gs."
"My son doesn't do d**gs! He said those were yours!" she exclaimed.
"Sorry, but he's just trying to lay the blame on someone else," he replied smugly.
"How dare you accuse my son of being a liar," she said angrily.
An old, old tale of Lady Jane
Of how she lost her honour.
And how the lad called Idle Jack
Inflicted shame upon her.
Young Jane, a pure and simple lass,
Of years just sweet eighteen
With hair of gold and eyes so blue
And skin like golden cream.
Whene're she walked around the town
The local lads would sigh
And all their trouser fronts would bulge
As this fair lass passed by.
But Lady Jane was innocent
And never knew the score
She just assumed the bulge was naught
And knew not what it's for.
My plan to soften the Stone wall that was Erin Hardy was entering it's second week. After five days of one-sided banter I found myself contemplating another strategy.
"I'm gonna join the Crew!" I said with a smile.
"You wanna join Erin's crew...why?" Mouse asked.
"To get close to her and win her over man."
"And how do you plan to do that my good sir." he asked.
"Phase one, I steal her truck."
"I'd like to see you try, they never leave it unguarded for long."
"Yeah that would be a problem if I didn't already do it." I said handing him my iPhone. On the screen was a sn... Continue»
Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny
Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?
Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stere... Continue»
Moving into my new home was both exciting and a little scary. It gave me a feeling of accomplishment and independence, as I struck out on my own for the first time, to take on the world. The house is old and could use some tender loving care but it is all mine. A place where I would make all the decisions and accept all the responsibilities for them. All of my furniture is hand me downs from my f****y and friends. I hope to save some money so eventually I can buy all new things and decorate the whole house to be my dream home.
At first sl**ping in the old house was a little unpleas... Continue»
it was a late thursday evening, i was revising hard for my biology exam, i got to the sex ed part of my revision guide and my penis grew like a daffodil spring,i was stroking my penis tirelessley when my nan walked in, out of nowhere saucey music began to play, she took off her dressing gown and uttered the words " let me play with your daffodildo big boy" and then she died. ... Continue»
The Italian Job 18
I have re-submitted this one after some confusion, so if it crops up again, just ignore it, this one may be a bit of a tear jerker so ladies have your hankies ready.
Several weeks past and all was relatively quiet but I was troubled, something was bugging me and I could not make up my mind, I said nothing to Ellie but finally succumbed and went to Genoa, I knew the address and parked outside, I sat in the car for an hour trying to get up the courage to go and knock on the door, finally I went to the door, I knocked and a tall elegant middle aged Italian woman answered th... Continue»
Freewill 504: Part 7 Fun and Games
Me and my two roommates sat quietly in our room studying. For me this wasn't an unusual way to spend a Friday night, especially so deep in a semester, but for Carol and Jessica, it was a rarity indeed. Usually their idea of studying included the stereo blasting and the television on at full volume so it could be heard over the music. This was doubly strange since it was a Friday night. They never stayed home on a weekend night. I sipped at my Diet Coke and continued to flip through my Chemistry book. It was probably ten minutes later that I heard my firs... Continue»
After the morning wrestle, I decided to go fishing. AJ & Rina were still diving. The adults got back from mainland. The good news is they brought back enough beer to keep the twins and Maribel from continuing their reverse gang bang.
I never done fishing with a real fishing rod before so when I tried to throw the line, I got myself hooked at my right shoulder. I flinched from the pain and tried not to move so much so I wouldn't feel the small piece of metal injected in my skin rubbing my flesh. I didn't call out for help. Thinking my aunt would just get mad for being careless. Instead, I tr... Continue»
The Italian Job 24
Maria and I went back to the hotel, we went to the room and she decided she would like to go to the pool for a nap in the sun,
I rang Ellie and told her what had happened with Eduardo, she was very sympathetic and asked if Maria was ok and how I was getting on with her, I told her everything was fine and not to fret,
I still loved her, I think she just needed to hear me say it, I changed into my swimmers and went down to the pool, a young guy was sitting on a sunbed next to Maria who was laid on a sunbed, she had her eyes closed, she had her bikini on but I was not sur... Continue»
It was just after sunset and Danny was relaxing alone on a large four poster bed in the luxurious home of the vampire called Christian.
Danny had come to Christian's elegant home with his neighbor Sylvia, who was also a bl**d sucking vampire. Danny and Sylvia had a neat little, mutually beneficial arrangement going where Danny would let the beautiful vampire drink a small portion of his bl**d, and in return Sylvia would give the eighteen year old mind blowing oral sex.
From what Danny c... Continue»
After last night I doubt I would ever speak to him again, everytime I thought about it my heart raced and my bl**d boiled! Sitting in my friends lounge room I was explaining the nights happenings and how Joe had accused me of fucking his cousin after he'd left the club which was a complete lie and was only almost a blow job in the back of a black cab one night when I dropped some change and bent over to pick it up, to which said cousin pulled my pony and pushed my face into his crotch, I could feel his hard member against my face and his grip on my hair was so tight my pussy immediately pulsed... Continue»
Being with Francesca is always like a tonic and I feel completely at ease with her idiosyncrasies
Like the way she adores opera and ballet but most important of all - with me being a red bl**ded guy and all that means; her deep rooted passion which really moves the earth and everything else for me.
When we first met and started learning about each other, our likes and dislikes and how we connected with those things; how we matched interests and how much we were compatible, we both shared a wonderful new and exciting learning curve.
At the age of thirty I discovered the true woman in m... Continue»