Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 100
# 9 A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask
the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the
front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman
beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into
her breast. They are both startled and he
says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your
breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if
your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room
# 8 A young man walks up and sits down at the
bar. "What can I get you?" the bartender
inquires. "I want 6 shots of Jagermeister,"
responded the young man. "6 shots?!? Are you
celebrating something?" ... Continue»
well last night i was watching football when i get a knock at the window. its the chav crew. its jason, nicky and jamie. anyway they want to come in. the house was empty so i let them in
They want a shag off me so i said ok, anyway the car comes up the drive its the f****y so i quicky get them out of the house through the window.
anyway as i do that jamie and nicky leg it over the wall. jason however just hides. i go to door open it and then go see f****y into house. i say im just getting a drink of mountain dew out of the shed. we keep some pop in there along with other tinned stuff( ... Continue»
Hi, this is Anand 32 year’s old married man. I am married and my wife Archana is 28 and she is a housewife. She is a beautiful lady. Where ever she goes, the guys around wont take the eyes away from her. I am very lucky to have her. Her size is 36-28-40. She has a nice and firm breast and round bubbly ass which swings while she walks and many persons around the street waits to watch the moment of her ass while she walks for the nearby market. She always wear Sari
part 2 continuation of "Wake Up!"
After this morning's "wake up" I couldn't focus on work all morning
my thoughts are of nothing but you
your flawless creamy white skin, ample breasts and firm round ass
the scent of your perfume
your light brown hair that frames your angelic face
the pout of your full luscious lips
and your eyes, I lose myself in their dreamy caramel luster
I arrive at our meeting spot, the drinking fountain by the supply closet
you're not there, you're late
we only have 30 minutes for lunch
you said that you had a surprise for me
what could it be...
a new rest... Continue»
Diane, a former prostitute wants to escape away from her abusing
pimps and other men. She wants to change her life around to become a
better person. Diane wants to go back to school, and get a good job. But, it's
seem whatever she do, she always fail. Diane loves to dress sexy, she
is 45 year old, and has a curvy shape with a size 48 D cup breast. Diane’s
hip is very wide and her ass shake very heavy when she walk. Guys
can't resist stopping and staring at her. She just ignores them and continues
walking. One day Diane have an interview for a job, Diane wore a short mini
skirt (you co... Continue»
u come out from a shower with jst a towel on u... saying in a naughty way that u jst shave it ;) me... without a word i take my shirt and my short... be naked in bed... u laught and throw that towel... then jump nxt to me ♥ I leaned over ur face and gently kissed ur sweet fresh cheeks... then lightly i put my lips on urs which was so hot and sweet... after many crazy kisses and some frenshy which was realy enough to make my dick go up... oh... i moved my lips down to ur neck... many little gentle kisses... then to ur boobes placing ur whole nipple in my mouth and suck it ;) but the tongue play... Continue»
Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
created a pussy to their design.
First was a butcher,
with smart wit,
using a knife,
he gave it a slit,
Second was a carpenter,
strong and bold,
with a hammer and chisel,
he gave it a hole,
Third was a tailor,
tall and thin,
by using red velvet,
he lined it within,
Fourth was a hunter,
short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur,
he lined it without,
Fifth was a fisherman,
nasty as hell,
threw in a fish and gave it a smell,
Sixth was a preacher,
whose name was McGee,
he touched it and blessed it,
and said it co... Continue»
“OK,” Ann said as she bustled about packing her bags. “Now you know what to do and where everything is, don’t you?”
“Yes dear.” I replied. My voice must have given my thoughts away. She came over and stood in front of me.
“And don’t adopt that tone of voice with me Robert,” she said sternly, her smile belying the irritation she was trying to inject. “You know what a useless sod you are without me around to organise you.”
I reached out to slide my hand up the inside of her shapely legs but she pushed it away.
“Don’t think that will help you either,” she said. “I’ll be gone about a wee... Continue»
(Fishing couple discovers camp mates)
My wife, Virginia, and I had been driving continuously for over eighteen hours in a mad dash to get to our favorite Atlantic Salmon river for the season's opening day. The biggest obstacle that remained in our way was Kurley's Mountain! Commencing at near sea level, Kurley's Mountain Highway climbed the sea side of the mountain to over fifteen hundred feet above sea level. Climbing a distance of slightly less than four kilometers, with the last kilometer having the highest grade incline, the engine of our fully loaded four wheel drive howled in protest ... Continue»
At the time of writing, the second story with Kelly, “Kelly and I Hit the Showers” STILL hasn’t been uploaded, so I’ll just go ahead with this third part and hope that the second one goes through the modding process before this one. If it doesn’t, part 2 will most likely be on my blog here since that goes up instantly. So this is part 3, the last part with this character for now. I’ll start taking requests now, read my blog on that! As usual, if you’re just here for the sex, use CTRL+F or scroll down to find this:
SEX STARTS HERE:
PLEASE comment! :)
Busy chatter filled the night air.... Continue»
My dad is one of the richest men in Russia, so called tycoon.
We live in a big mansion near a small Ural town.
Dad has joint business with Dmitry Vasilyevich, 62 years old bald fat man with a big belly and large height.
He has a wife and three c***dren.
His youngest daughter Olesya is of my age. She hates me because of some trifles.
Dmitry Vasilyevich often visits our house because of the business.
I am not afraid to be immodest, but I should say that I am a very attractive sexy blonde girl with large blue eyes, thin waist and pretty big breasts. My legs are long and beautiful too, and o... Continue»
Bad girls are legendary - a guy who’s been with one practically passes out from bliss when he talks about his experience. You might be thinking, “Who, me? Be a bad girl?” But any woman who wants to can wake up her hibernating vixen...and have a damn good time doing it!
See, bed-devil status is about a fearless attitude, not how much sexual experience you have or whether you wear leather. “Guys dig when women are unbridled and uninhibited, push their own boundaries, break the rules, and ask for what they want,” says Barbara Keesling, PhD, author of The Good Girl’s Guide to Bad Girl Sex. So ... Continue»
Dorothy sat on her knees looking around at Oz. The lush green grass, the bright blue sky and the glimmer of the gold road was all that she had remembered. Memories of her journey through Oz with the Scarecrow, Tinman and Cowardly Lion came flashing back. The memory of the city of Oz, the wicked witch and her castle and the munchkins filled her heart with joy that she hadn't felt in such a long time.
As she stood up Dorothy realized she was in a part of Oz she had never seen before. She walked up to the yellow brick road and stood in the middle of it looking up one way and then down the othe... Continue»
Leandra followed the snake like white trail, down the long winding tunnels. She knew Dorothy and the Oz guard had a good head start, but didn't realize it was so far. It seemed like the tunnels twisted and turned forever. It took her a good half hour before she heard Dorothy voice.
Dorothy and Omby were hiding behind a stone pillar. Leandra snuck up behind them and tapped Dorothy on the shoulder. She almost jumped out of her clothes. But as Dorothy jumped, Omby Amby instinctively grabbed ahold of Leandra throat. His grip surprised Leandra. Seeing his lanky frame would never make a person t... Continue»
Hello My suzie and I have been together going on thirty years it has been a great ride . I have written about our adventures in the laundry and in the yard on the deck our dining room of our new house and our date to the erotic drive in on our third date,
She was a hottie then and still my hottie we love it when we do have time and the wanting to have sex some awesome hot wet sex!
We use to have swimming pools some only a foot and half deep a k**dy pool we use to lie in it on a warm summer evening after the k**s got out it was funny we were out in the wood we did not have any one close en... Continue»
I sent Marguerite an SMS to say we were on our way, and that these boys were big if she could kindly waive the supplement for extra large cocks. She replied, “Don't worry lol”.
Adrian was wearing his jeans and no underwear. It looked as if he had some hosepipe down them. George was also wearing jeans but was wearing a thong underneath into which he had packed his magnificent equipment, so there was a very visible bulge. In fact, it seemed he was carrying his lunch down there.
When we arrived at the salon, Marguerite and the owner, Anne, were waiting in reception. Marguerite was look... Continue»
Have you ever been with someone with such an addiction that they would lie, cheat and be prepared to lose it all? Well as it is said..what have I got myself into Ollie lol......this can't even call it a man is addicted to men, little girls, girls, old bags, anything that is connected to porn lmaooooo and not that I am drop dead beautiful but close lol.....ARE THERE ANY REAL MEN OUT THERE???? that would be a question to ponder.......why a person's hand should be sore and he has or had a person....wow what a loss huh.......Anyone got an idea????... Continue»
(Written at the special request of Beth)
It was late afternoon as Beth stepped from her office into the cool evening air. Autumn was closing in, evidenced by the goose bumps rising on her bare arms and the involuntary shiver riding up her back.
“Night Beth,” her colleague, Barry called, also on his way out. “Brrrrr, you'll need to wrap up warm tonight!”
That's what he thought. Jonny, Beth's newly found beau, had preoccupied her thoughts all day. The vision of his taught naked body, powerful arms and that unbelievable penis was all the warmth she needed tonight. That was the plan anyw... Continue»
“wondering what he would do…”
This post, inspired by a communication from a specific xhamster woman, is purely my fantasy, based upon a remarkably small number of private messages where she shared what she liked about my writing.
Shake something at them...
SHE (starting from her perspective):
I can’t believe that I’m actually flying to Atlanta to check out this kinky “Emorymed” guy from xhamster (Wonder what his real name is?). What started as a passing curiosity, evolved to email exchanges, 'make me blush' photos, skype and now, finally, “in the flesh”. Although w... Continue»
A man picks up a hooker and tells her that he wants to see a sample of what he might get before he spends his hard earned money. The slut, feeling very confident spreads her legs and says, "Put your hand all the way in," which the man does.
Impressed, the man is ready to plunk down the cash when she says, "Put your other hand all the way in too." Once both his hands are all the way in she says, "Now spread your hands apart." As the man attempts to spread his hands apart she says proudly, "Tight Huh?"... Continue»