Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 100
So, like, there was this woman, and she had really big tits, because that’s sexy. I mean, really big tits, like, she could topple an orphanage with them, and that’s sexy. And there was this guy; he didn’t have big tits, because that’s not very sexy. And one day he was like “hey, let’s do sex”
and she was all like “okay.”
So they started having sex and the guy was like “oh yeah” and the girl was just lying there like a corpse because that’s sexy and then the guy was all like “ooh, you feel like my mom”
and the girl was just like “uhh.”
The guy was giving it to her... Continue»
TEACHING YOU TO BE GAY!!
So loser, I know you want Me to teach you how to be a full blown gay sissy bitch. Follow these crucial lifestyle steps and daily rituals and you are sure to transform from a "man" into a slutty, submissive homosexual! These changes and rituals will help reprogram your thinking by introducing really queer habits into your daily routine!! Be My fag... it is your ultimate destiny. You were born to be gay so now it's time to act it out!
RITUALS & LIFESTYLE CHANGES:
- Feminine Grooming: Shave every other day. YES EVERY DAY BITCH!! This means no stubble whatsoev... Continue»
She reaches around and tugs him out of his boxers.
“Uh, Crowley’s Books… do you, what are ah… excuse me… what…”
“Really!” She wraps one leg around. “I used to work there. I was a leftover for a while, you know, a call-in? Fucking Simon, wanted to fucking castrate him sometimes. Does Barak still work there?”
And he’s unable to follow her words, following her smile, and strange figures emerge from her lips, a lipstick formed from the bl**d of saints and martyrs to her causes and it’s coming loose of her lip... Continue»
I woke up in the Bundys living room. Peg sat next to me looking quite sexy as she had just had her boobs done last season and looked very curvy in her usual attire. Marcy Darcy sat on my other side acting all goofy and horny. She wore a knee length skirt shiny hose and spiked heels, unlike her 3" grandma pumps she usually wears. Kelly sat on the arm of the couch looking confused.
Peg told me I was there to teach Kelly how to please a man without having to give it up. Marcy said yes just watch and learn, "easy Marcy" peg quipped.
As peg pulled down my shorts and released my sl**p boner it... Continue»
The Italian job.
For many years I have worked abroad installing plant and equipment around the world, one such job was situated in a small village in Italy, I will not give the name to protect the innocent etc.
My lunch was normally a sandwich and a beer prepared by one of the factory ladies which I normally ate beside the machines that I was installing, there were a couple of people in the factory who could speak a few words of English but the company had got a young girl the daughter of one of the women in the factory who spoke good English to interpret for me, when working abroad I try ... Continue»
Jamie and Nicky turned up outside my bedroom window late one night. They wanted some fun, it was about 11pm, s****rs were in bed and parents still at work. I risked it as I was horny and snuck out of the house and went for a ride with the two bad lad studs in Nicky’s knackered but strangely sexy car.
We drove around for bit, I was sat in the back seat with Jamie and Nicky driving.
They were in their hoodie chav gear and I was wearing a tight white t shirt with hearts on it and a short white skirt. I had my hair my usual Maria style and my nose stud was in. I knew what we were doing so ... Continue»
Gym. 2:16 p.m.
"Since today you start weight training, there are a few machines that I want you to know that most of you will be trying today. Firstly, the Bicept Curls, is where you will be lifting weights, but since you are all only in grade eight, I surely hope most of you will be able to lift ten pounds," Mr. Richard said, looking at all of us while we all laughed and I grinned, elbowing my friend Shyla who yelped, rubbing her arm and giggled as I kept looking at the teacher and then at Matt, who was across the room, talking to his buddies and they laughed as his eyes turned to mine and... Continue»
Today is the day where we want to meet, you are ringing on the door and I open it. As greetings we kiss. Then we talk and watch a film. For that we are laying on the couch and you have your hand on my leg and my arm is around your shoulder.
The film is a kind of romantic comedy with a lot of kissing. During the watching your hand is wandering up and down my leg and remains on my dick and my hand is wandering down to your breasts and is knead it a bit. Then we kiss smoothly and we take off our shirts and I continue with your breasts. Then I take off your trouser and continue kissing ... Continue»
This is not a story, but hopefully a fun way to determine Who you really are and Why?
Wife who sucks dick or slut that swallows it?
Wife who loves to be eaten or slut who masturbates while being bitten
Wife who wants to be held or slut that likes to be spanked
Wife who complains about the size of her ass or slut that squeals in delight while willingly being taken from behind...
Who are you? Wife, Slut or Slut-Wife... Continue»
first off i havent actually slept yet ive been up all night playing video games since aound 6am when the power came back online and amazingly i could get online. anyways just a few moments ago i was jerking off while drinking my 3rd cup of coffee. half way through my drink i thought to myself that i could shoot my load into my coffee and drink it. dont know why i wanted to do that but anyways i held the cup near my cock as i kept coming closer to blowing my load. soon enough im cumming in my cup. i tucked my cock back in my shorts and looked at the floating jizz and decided not to drink it aft... Continue»
a hot sommerday again and i also hot :
today i`m realy horny again ,
several times can feel my fat cock between my soft hairy legs ,
terribly hungry to make love , passionated long and deep with
a nice sexy and hairy natural woman , there gets wet and horny , like me .
there like to do it several times - in the morning , outdoor , when take shower or where ever we like it to do .
hungry to feel the mans hard dick and happy to feel his hotcum deep inside.....
where are you , the naughy , nyphomanic woman ,
to h... Continue»
_I didn't see niche for this kind of topic so I'll let you know that it is mind control and humor. Thank you for reading_
I'm a pretty impressive guy, 5 feet 10 inches tall, mocha skin color, big biceps and a six pack the ladies love. Were it all falls off is my pick up game, I suck at hitting on the girls. My one liner cliches are gut wrenching. "Hey baby want me to google your twitter?" seriously i'm probably the only man in extistance that has used that crap. So while i'm sitting at the bar nursing a double rum and coke, thinking naughty thoughts about the blonde two seats down. In my ... Continue»
Time to head to the gym. Shay and I work out regularly (of course you know this if you follow her hot blog. www.thegirlform.com ) It's about a 30 min drive and we don't always get to go together.
Today was one of those days. Every morning I wake up with the Hardest Cock ever. I mean what do you expect I sl**p next to the Shay Every night. I generally rub up on her pretty good and if she feels like giving me a treat she will FUCK me right then and there. Today was not one of those days, so I left the house with a raging hard on. She Loves this! and she knows she wields the power to ma... Continue»
Kristen had been right, the pleasant weather seemed to have melted away, and she was quite sure that it was going to be cold enough to snow by the time the sun was completely down. Naked, she ran through the woods, trying to heat up her body. When she saw a light through the trees, she immediately went towards it, heedless of where it might lead to as long as she could be warm and inside.
The wind picked up as she found herself standing in front of a huge castle, an iron gate swinging in the wind. Teeth chattering, she hurried up the stone walkway, banging on the huge double doors.
we are at the summer house of us... near to beach, but far fromother ppl's eyes. no more house near to us... That is our secret place, no one knows, but us. we are swimming after midday.kissing eachother between the rocks... no one can hear our laughs...
then taking you on the sands, in my arms. you need to get oiled your delicious and salty skin. i am ready to help here :). you are laying down , and i am taking some oil in my hands. start to massage to your body.... to your muscles... you are getting relax under my touch. to your neck... to your back... to your waist(with a kiss)... to... Continue»
Chapter VII – Their Armchair (based on Love Diary No. 41 cover, Orbit-Wanted, circa 1949)
I guess everyone has fantasies and fetishes, but how do you say about someone who wants to have sex in the armchair you just bought for your best friends because you felt envy of their ‘adventures’
Me and Charlotte just found this beautiful and stylish armchair as a gift for Keith and Donna, which were to move to a new house. The armchair was so awesome and fittable that we resisted till the last urge to buy it for ourselves an... Continue»
Igot shouted waving the letter at his wife Her-Peas. She could see it looked official but as she hadn’t read it, couldn’t tell what it was even though her husband was wafting it around like some demented swan trying to take off.
“I don’t know dear, she smiled
“It’s only a letter from Pen.E. Sillen and Aunty Biotics they are planning to marry. It’s a big enough disgrace to the f****y that she married that Biotics bloke but a Sillen.
Igot was pacing up and down. He very rarely became ruffled and was normally a very smooth operator. That was one of the reasons Her-... Continue»
4 Laughing eyes
4 Well-shaped legs
4 Loving arms
2 Firm milk containers
1 soft, warm mixing bowl
1 Firm banana
1. Look into laughing eyes.
2. Spread well-shaped legs with loving arms.
3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently.
4. Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well creamed. For best results. Continue to knead milk containers.
5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with nuts, leave to soak (preferably NOT overnight).
6. The cake is done when banana is... Continue»
1. When we talk 'listen', it shows us that you care about our feelings.
2. Men should be smart enough and understand that not all our bad moods are connected to PMS-ing.
3. Guys, developing an EQ (Emotional quotient) would help. That however, does not mean that they need to cry at the drop of a hat, it just means you need to be more sensitive towards us.
4. With women communication is the key, so try and talk to us often.
5. Here are some traits we wish men would display – chivalry, making an extra effort with our friends and f****y, because we do the same!
6. Cook for us o... Continue»
Warning: This story is not greatly sexual in nature. you been warned
As I walked gracefully up the steps towards the grand manor. I looked at katherine a moment. she smiled walking along side me. The nervousness swelled as we came closer and closer to the mansion. I felt butterflys pulling katana's and slashing away at my insides. but then again, as I touched my tummy I remembered the corset redesigning my lungs. I pinched at my blue belled dress with designs of the ocean and seashells imprinted in its laces. Katherine wore a pink dress with cherry blossom flowers imprinted ... Continue»