Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 9

Late night suprise

It was 3 O'clock in the morning when i was woken up by my boyfriend Alex kissing my neck 'whats this for?' i asked slightly breathless, my pussy already hot, i loved it when he kissed my neck. 'I woke up, couldn't sl**p and...' he kissed me again and i felt his erection press againt me, unhindered by clothing 'I'm hard' he said.


He pulled my nightgown over my head so that i was naked just like him. he began to kiss downmy body, sucking at nipples taking them deep into his mouth, then carrying on down, he reached my pulls and licked my lips he parted them with his fingers and found my w
... Continue»
Posted by adam2010 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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The Italian Job 21

The Italian Job 21
I awoke the following morning alone, I jumped in the shower and went for breakfast, they were all there, Ellie, Sonia, Yvonne, Christina and Maria who was looking decidedly more cheerful, Hazel was fussing around and I was reminded that I had not done her of late,
I decided I should rectify that as well as checking something that was bugging me, I arranged to meet her in the camera room “checking up on all your ladies?” she said as we got into the room and closed the door, “lock it” I said to her “I want to see the pool camera shortly before Ellie was attacked yesterday” ... Continue»
Posted by the_priest 4 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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How to Eat Pussy and have fun

How to Eat Pussy and have fun
Hey, I have a lot of respect for all you guys who like to eat pussy because there are too few of you out there. And
I'm not the only woman who says this. Furthermore, some of you guys who are giving it the old college try are not
doing too well, so maybe this little lesson will help you out. When a woman finds a man who gives good head, she's
found a treasure she's not going to let go of too quickly. This is one rare customer and she knows it. She won't even
tell her girlfriends about it or that guy will become the most popular man in town. So, remember, most... Continue»
Posted by DBRAC 4 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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The Italian Job 22

The Italian job 22
Croatia asked me to go back and fine tune a few things then they would pay me at the end of that visit, they had already paid me some money which actually covered all my expenses for the job but I had no objection and it would be good to renew old acquaintances,

I told Ellie “can I come with you?” she said “if it is only a short trip I would love to see Croatia, I have never been, they tell me the thousand Islands area is beautiful” she said “the Istra peninsular is just at the top end of the thousand Islands” I explained “so when I am done in Umag we can make our way d... Continue»
Posted by the_priest 4 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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The Italian Job 23

The Italian Job 23
I had taken the job from a contact in Belgium, the agent Eduardo In Argentina had a reputation for cheating the contractors who went there, I was determined that I was not going to be on that list of cheated people, I had to try to compromise him somehow so that I could apply pressure to get him to pay me my money, I had already taken a risk by flying to Argentina in the first place but I wanted to lull him into a false sense of security to let him think I was a gullible easy touch and of course my ace was Maria, on the first day of our arrival we got there early in the mor... Continue»
Posted by the_priest 4 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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THE SEX LIFE OF AN ELECTRON

One night when his charge was pretty high, Micro-Farad decided to find a cute little coil to saturate. He picked up Milli-Amp and took her for a ride on his megacycle. They rode over Wheatstone bridge, around the sine waves, and stopped by a flowing current.
They walked over to Magnetic field and sat down. Micro-Farad, attracted by Milli-amp’s characteristic curves, soon had her resistance at a minimum, and her field fully excited. He laid her on the ground potential, raised her frequency, lowering her resistance still more, and then hr pulled out his hi-voltage probe. He inserted it in... Continue»
Posted by fred269 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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Key Wet Dreams

(Loving during Fantasy Fest)

We knew it was going to be a different world. It was also immediately obvious Linda and I had over packed. Our first stroll down Duvall revealed to us amazing body art, amazing tits, amazing attitude. We knew we were in our element.

The crowd was not the loud, mostly obnoxious college crowd we had encountered at Mardi Gras, but an older, laid back group. We were in our early forties so we fit right in. My wife's first move was to accost a woman wearing Tweety Bird on her tits and Sylvester just peeking above her wrap.

"Where did you get this done? It's fab... Continue»
Posted by KingAmir 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Dressing Room Slut

(Chocolate Harlot in orgy with the band & Yolanda)

I unloaded the gear from the van, time was getting on, and there was a lot to do before the set. I was a roadie for an up and coming band and tonight was to be their biggest venue so far. I humped the guitars, drums, amps, lights etc into the hall that the boys were playing in that night. As I worked I watched the early arrivals trickle in. They looked like the usual crowd, mostly teens and early twenties, but with a smattering of older folks too. Ok, a couple of thirty something's had dared to show their time ravaged faces, and being a lit... Continue»
Posted by KingAmir 4 years ago  |  Categories: Lesbian Sex, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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The The Nurse's Uniform, the Pink Vibrator an

It was September and as it was my birthday, I had booked Jan for my birthday treat - an afternoon of sexual lust at her discreetly located house in the suburbs. I had made several visits before and we had explored and enjoyed each other's bodies getting more adventurous each time. I onw counted as one of her "regulars".

When I rang to make the booking, Jan (always the true professional) uttered those five sexy words which are always a big turn-on, "How do you want me?". Well, on previous occasions I had tried the usual: black stockings and bra; a basque with her tits deliciously exposed; an... Continue»
Posted by Mavic 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Bitter...But Oh So Sweet

As I sit here and write this I think to myself...this is still one of the most...well, when you read it you'll see what I'm talking about.

Around the same week I met a sexy BBW & a Atlethic yet thin guy:

She had chocolate skin, huge tits, a huge clit that stood straight up (she showed me via pics) & a thick ass that made you want to just bite it! She was very pretty in the face as well.

He was toned everywhere! His stomach was filled with muscle, his skin was carmel & smooth, HIS DICK WAS HUGE!

I talked to both of them eveyday. I was more of a friend to him and we saw each... Continue»
Posted by PeircedPlumpPleasure 4 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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The Italian Job 25

The Italian Job 25
The next morning I went to the factory and completed the reprogramming of the computer control, we were now 2 weeks into the job but Antonis had decided that as he had me there and he wanted me to stay for the duration promising me a bonus if all went well over the next 2 weeks, this was good news because it was just a 2 weeks holiday with the occasional trip to the factory although if they had a problem they could call me or page me as the hotel had leant me a bleeper, that worked on the phone system, Maria was full of herself anyway because she had fucked Carlos even tho... Continue»
Posted by the_priest 4 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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the drive in

She was quite a bit shorter than me but she was very curvy
with blond hair that fell just below her shoulders. sort
of half way between curly and wavy. She had a wonder full
pair of breasts. i was only 16 and they were the first pair
i ever felt or played with. and in some ways i sort of compare
any others that i have come in contact with ever since.


I have no idea what movie we were watching but there was some
hand holding and cuddling, some kissing and caressing.
i was fumbling around not sure of what i should be doing.
She was an experienced girl who had been down this road a
... Continue»
Posted by daddydick64 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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christmas joke

3 men die on xmas eve, to get into heaven st peter says u must have sumthing on u that represents xmas, the english man flicks a lighter and says its a candle, st peter lets him pass,, welsh man pulls out a set of keys and jingles them and says they r bells, st peter lets him pass, the irish man pulls out a G string and st peter says how the fuck do they represent xmas?? Paddy said they're carols... Continue»
Posted by diver1uk2003 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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How to tell if you would be a good pornstar

STRAIGHT MALE EDITION

Every Straight Male thinks they're able to do porn

1. Are you capable of cumming more than once ? not that you will really need to but just in case you happen to get over excited around female performers you wont explode and then have nothing else left in the arsenal.

2. How are your athletic skills ? its one thing to be in a gangbang edge yourself and wait till its your turn to jizz, but its another thing when you have to penetrate another performer in full speed without getting out of breath and stopping.Porn stars usually go half and hal... Continue»
Posted by guess1tw3ll 4 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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Naruto Lemon Series Part 3

You were sitting in your bedroom reading a book when you heard the front door open and looked up seeing Naruto and Kiba burst through your door.

"Hey Yami!" Naruto said happily as you smiled back.

"Are you doing anything?" Kiba said as you looked at your book then him.

"No.. Not really.."you said as he grabbed your shoulders picking you up.

"Then let's hang out!" he said carrying you out of your house as you sighed letting him do what he wanted.

"Where are we going?" you asked looking at Naruto confused.

"Hehe Kiba has to clean up his house and he wanted me and you to come to... Continue»
Posted by stephaniekit 4 years ago  |  Categories: Lesbian Sex, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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I Married A Hooker

Another poem originally posted under the screen name BrianDamage...and not a true story, btw...

I Married A Hooker

I met a girl who walked the street,
I have to say she really looked sweet,
Tight skirt of leather and lace,
Long hair framed a pretty face,
Didn't take much more than a glance,
To realize I wanted to get into her pants,
Next time I saw her walking by,
I chugged my beer and went over to say 'Hi,'
She asked me if I wanted to go out,
What she did for a living, there was no doubt,
Just to make sure there is no misconception,
I normally don't pay, this wa... Continue»
Posted by Exakta66 4 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
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Dominate You, Punish Me!


I feel your hand stroke my shoulder and your finger tips graze the tops of my breasts then cup the undersides. . When you begin to nip and lick the spot where my neck meets my shoulder, goose bumps spring to the surface of my skin and I can't hold back a moan. My hips push back against you and my nipples pebble into hard little points.

Your not inside me yet....but I can feel your rigid erection between my buttocks. You slap my ass; hard, almost too hard. It stings and hurts, but the electricity shoots through my body in an instant and I feel it surge all across my back, down my arms and... Continue»
Posted by jadeandjasmin 4 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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When Curiosity Pays Off.

I work in the fashion indstry so a lot of my mates are homosexual, I've been told by my homosexual friends guys do it better, deepthroat, hand jobs and general fucking. So me not being one to judge before hand, I started browsing Craigslist and found a candidate who's a bottom, after brief discussion, I went to his apartment, to which was as stated in his ad, the door wasn't closed only ajar, I walked in, a few meters from the computer was a blanket covered person with a hole for my dick to travel through to the mouth.

Me figuring this is it, unzipped and plunged my dick into his mouth, mak... Continue»
Posted by Nerd2score 4 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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Bathroom Break

~Bathroom Break~

Karl walks into the bathroom in his school with his head hung down at the white tiles on the floor. He raises his head and turns toward the urinals. Karl gives off a small sigh as he takes out his semi - hard dick.

"What I wouldn't do for some dick right now." Karl said to himself while flushing his self out. Karl was admiring his soft light caramel skin in the mirror, when he then heard a soft moan coming out of the light gray stall. He chuckled to himself thinking it was just his imagination, since... Continue»
Posted by femboii 4 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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I MADE A PORN MOVIE !!

I did a porn movie just before Xmas last year! Now why would you think that anyone would want to see a sixty-six year old male doing silly things naked with two other guys? Well they do and they pay to see these things.

It was all very surreal when you consider that I went down to Bournemouth to do it; I would not consider Bournemouth to be a centre for too many things, let alone porn movies of gay old farts in full flight.

I was picked up at the railway station and in that moment I had met the cameraman, producer, director, sound man, lighting man, Foley artist, hairdresser, make up c... Continue»
Posted by AussieJonno 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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