Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 80
Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
created a pussy to their design.
First was a butcher,
with smart wit,
using a knife,
he gave it a slit,
Second was a carpenter,
strong and bold,
with a hammer and chisel,
he gave it a hole,
Third was a tailor,
tall and thin,
by using red velvet,
he lined it within,
Fourth was a hunter,
short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur,
he lined it without,
Fifth was a fisherman,
nasty as hell,
threw in a fish and gave it a smell,
Sixth was a preacher,
whose name was McGee,
he touched it and blessed it,
and said it co... Continue»
This is a story my friend secretly told me
Iam a young housewife married a year ago and have given birth to a baby about two months old now and taying with my FIL (father in law) and hubby is working in the states. MIL (mother in law) is no more and so alone with FIL who takes care of every need as for my looks; I am quite pretty and endowed with good sexy features. usually wear saree below my navel well wrapped up to enhance my sexiness along with a well fitted blouse.
Mostly sleeveless and with front and back deep cut to expose my full and firm boobs and clevage. These days my boobs are fu... Continue»
A Short Story
in play format. (Originally written 23 Feb 2006)
Interior - waiting room of surgery. A voice over the P.A announces for Mrs Allott to enter Dr. R Don’s room.
Mrs Allott: Hello Dr.
Dr. Don: Good morning, Mrs Allott, what can I do for you? how’s Mr Allott?
Mrs Allott: He’s fine. Dr, I’m here about my pussy.
Dr. Don: And what is the problem with it?
Mrs Allott: It keeps itching.
Dr. Don: Well, you better get it out and I’ll take a look at it.
Mrs Allott gets it out and Dr. Don proceeds to take a good look at it.
Dr. Don: You have a lovely pussy,
You are home alone. You find yourself looking around to determine what next to do. Wow, it’s been so long since you had the house to yourself. You sit on the couch thinking, “Hmmm what to do?” You end up falling asl**p on the couch. Sweet dreams begin.
In your dreams you smell lavender and you get this feeling that someone is with you, but who? This dream is peaceful and you find yourself relaxing. This person with you has soft hands, you think to yourself, “don’t let this dream stop it’s been too long since someone has made me comfortable”. Your entire body has been gently massag... Continue»
ME AT THE BACK OF THE PLANE:PART TWO
ME AT THE BACK OF THE PLANE:
Maggie got up first and I watched her go to the back of the plane, with a quick look around I got up and walked to the same toilet and knocked twice, she opened the door and pulled me inside. We started to kiss and my hands were all over her and so were hers. I was grabbing her at her cloths ,I unbuttoned her green top she had on ,which showed off her well cupped breasts in a lace bra, in matter of seconds I had it off my mouth went straight for her nipples ,I was sucking them like a little baby trying to draw milk, she was ... Continue»
I met Angelica at my favorite Sports Bar. She was beautiful and I was dumb struck by this petite Scandinavian blond with an absolutely perfect body. Well, after a few days I got to know Angelica, our first evening ended with me getting a blow job at her place. But this is only the beginning of a new lifestyle that would change my life. You see Angelica is a space alien from the planet Gliesie, the closest habitable planet to earth. She told me that both Earth and Gliesie were biology experiments by a race of super beings. Gliesie, the more peaceful planet thrived and mastered the science o... Continue»
I would like to share my sex enjoyment in Malaysia. I was travelling to Kuala Lumpur for Technical meeting. I arrived Kl at 9apm and went from airport to my hotel. It was about 11pm. I was tired and was looking forward to rest as soon as room was given. The receptionist was charming, sexy with very good figure. She smiled and welcome me. The room was given and I started to move to my room. She requested me to wait as someone will accompany me to my room with my luggage. As there was no bell boy around she accompanied me. She briefed me about the facilities in the room and then left. I rested ... Continue»
"You're so brave agreeing to this, hon, I'm so proud of you!"
Hannah praised her girlfriend Sam in a hushed tone of voice
and gave her an encouraging squeeze of her hand.
The 2 girls were sat side by side in identical black plastic chairs in a neat,
tidy mostly white office.
"Miss Samantha Jones, is it?"
A smartly dressed woman asked as she walked into the office,
and walked around the large desk infront of the girls,
to sit in a plush black luxury office chair.
She was a beautiful looking woman, of about 40, but the only signs of her age was a couple of ... Continue»
My friends and I had arranged to go meet up at a bar then go out clubbing. It was a warm summer evening so over my black lacy underwear I wore a tight little white skirt that stopped an inch higher than mid-thigh and a sleeveless strappy white top, which showed through my black lacy bra. I knew the bra pushed up my boobs making them look larger and sure to draw the eye of the any guys! I brushed my shoulder length dark hair until it was straight and glossy, did my makeup and grabbed my white 2 inch heels to give me a bit more height; as I am kind of short.
I met my friends at the bar and we... Continue»
Hi all this is my first story so please leave comments.
First of all this is and 100% true story as all of mine will be.
This all started to give you some back ground in and place called Ocean City Maryland.
I was on vacation with my mother at the beach on 32nd street right ocean front with and great balcony view of the girls sun bathing ahhh yes.
At this time I am and teenager myself and so is the young lady in this story. I met some other guys the same age as me and we all had and laugh looking at the bades sunning with there sun tanned perfect shaped tans.
One of the guys said to... Continue»
I feel so stupid and disgusted right now.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half, we met right after I graduated high school and he was 20 at the time. I was just starting community college and was proud to have my own apartment for the first time ever (I have also worked around 30 hours a week since starting college so I support myself). He was older than me, but struggling. I guess prior to meeting me he had been pretty into d**gs, but I have never seen him do them so I really believed that was all over. And he was cute and sweet and I was kind of lonely, most of my f... Continue»
Little Johnny was in the chemist with his grandad who was getting some medication for himself. He told Johnny that it’s going to take about ten minutes to fill out and he was not to tough anything but only look around. The ten year old Johnny found something in the shop that he knew all about and thought he would have some fun with the old man by trying to embarrass him.
“Grandad, quick come here.” “What Johnny what?” asked grandad. Johnny pointed to a shelf and asked, “what are they grandad.”
Grandad saw what it was and knew what Johnny was trying to do and started smiling at him.
“Well J... Continue»
"How are you going pencil dick, have you had a wank today" it was fun being woken from a great wet dream with those words from my s****r Lilly! We had developed a sort of love/hate relationship since the numerous encounters around the house this year.
I wasn't exactly sure where I stood with her, firstly she would be nice to me and then not so. Lilly had made it a habit of sneaking into my room late at night to administer my 'punishment' This started with an insult to which I would ignore to be followed by a hand reaching under my covers and grabbing my cock. She wa... Continue»
Have you ever had that friend that you imagine what they look like naked? Well my s****r's mother-in-law is a woman I wanted to see naked. She is 62 years of sexy, soft silky legs, reddish brown curly hair, nipples that poke your eyes out with pleasure. As we spend Labor Day weekend at a Resort. Relaxing in the indoor water park, watching her float on the lazy river all spread out on a tub. OH... how I like to feast on that camel toe, she was sporting. I had to get a tub and float on my stomach and catch up to her as she floats on the back side through a tunnel. She had her back to me as I pad... Continue»
This is my first story wen I had make sex with a lady in her house wen I'm only 18. There were five persons in this bungalow. Sahib, her wife, two son and one daughter. Sahib was an aged person of 60 but his wife whom we called Begamsab was in her 25. His both sons were studying in college, while his daughter in high school.
I was taken my matriculation exams when my father became ill and the result was that, that he became disabled. Even now he could not move. The f****y where my father was working helped us very much but till how? There was no any one to earn for the f****y for survival. ... Continue»
This incident happened during my first year in college. It was a Thursday night, which meant that most people at my state school were out partying, drinking, and having a good time. Unfortunately, I had to take an exam the next day, so I was stuck in my dorm, studying.
I was busy reading in my floor's common room until well after midnight, when all the students eventually returned from their nights of debauchery at one of the campus frat houses or wherever they had been. Most of them were, of course, d***k off their asses. They were stumbling back to their rooms either singing too loudly, l... Continue»
I really hate going shopping around the holidays. My wife has shopping lists the length of her arm and sometimes if I don’t go with her she’ll spend money like there’s no tomorrow. But I can only take so much walking around in those damn malls. I can’t keep my damn eyes focused on where I am supposed to be going and wind up walking into other people because of all the damn eye candy in the damn place. I have never seen so much damn young pussy walking around in one place in my life. The ratio must be 15 females to each guy. And when I say girls I mean the average female must only be 18 or 19 y... Continue»
Girls night out
My wife, Sarah, had gone out clothes shopping with some friends and then they were all off on a hen night to see some male strippers. So, with her out of the way for a ‘Girls Night Out’, I’d asked a few mates round for a ‘Lads Evening In’.
There were supposed to have been six of us – Ian Terry John Billy and Mike and myself. We had agreed that Ian should bring round the latest editions to his extensive collection of porn DVD’s and we would all chip in some booze. Unfortunately Terry and Mike had broken down on the way home from a football match, got pissed while waiting ... Continue»
So we have a new story for you guys! This past weekend we went to the movies to catch a flick, but there was nothing really we wanted to see. So we ended up seeing a movie we had already seen a few weeks back. So the movie started and we were watching, and it just got boring. I was just way to boring, so we (like a couple of high school teenagers) started making out hard! We were just kissing like we had never seen each other before. Now this is like 15 minutes into the movie mind you. So while Kate is kissing me she starts undoing my belt. Sweet, I know where this is going! Now we were like 3... Continue»
Alright people this is my first attempt at a short story and it came from the help of an xhamster friend, thanks "Mouthlove"
I would choose the one next to her with the sensual and sexy face and the piercing eyes. Now how would like for her to please me well I would have to say while we were at a private night club and we had a semi secluded table and we had been flirting and teasing each other immensely and so she tells me to sit back and relax and she has a gift and surprise for me so she slides down my body and lowers my zipper and pulls out my cock and slowly starts to lick around the ... Continue»