Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 8
This was actually a song writing attempt from the 90's...hence the odd form...
I Wish I Knew
Where did you come from, who are you?
Where do you live, what do you do?
Did we share a bottle, did we share a drink?
Did we discuss what each of us think?
But you're lying next to me all the same,
I just wish I could remember your name.
How did you get here, did you drive your car?
Or did we meet in that corner bar?
Did I walk you home, did I hold the door?
Did you find me interesting or another bore?
But you're lying next to me all the same,
I just wish I could rememb... Continue»
many times ive been out and about, in the pubs and clubs, we all know wat its like wen u get the sexual urge to b fuked rite there and then, well i can proudly say i have fuked in most of the pub toilets in my town...............due to the fact wen the urge cums on and its too strong its a case of drag ur boyfriend to the nearest toilet cubicle get his trousers undone and his cock in ur mouth give him a very enjoyable lush slow and sensual sucking until he is fit to blow............he pulls u up by ur hair bends u over the toilet, lifts ur skirt pulls down ur panties hard like he is almost goi... Continue»
Several years back, I took a lot of regular business trips to the Netherlands, where I would have to stay on business for several weeks at a time. My business would typically have me stay in a smaller inland city. The days and the hours were long, with business dinners every evening keeping me constantly occupied.
One weekend on a particularly long trip, I went on a walk to explore the town I was in. I’d occasionally run into a sex shop and I’d go in to browse the magazines. I’d sometimes stop and look through the European porn magazines that would show much more kink than American ma... Continue»
1. Some people use blenders for smoothies, some use them for margaritas. You use them for foreplay.
2. You’ve worn fetish clothing for so long, you find polo shirts to be very erotic.
3. Black and Decker called. It was tough finding a strong enough motor, but the prototype is ready.
4. You buy so many batteries, the president of Duracell sends you a fruit basket every year.
5. Gomez and Morticia Addams envy your basement dungeon.
6. You enter baking contests just to hide your massive Crisco purchases.
7. In the spirit of MacGyver, you can fashion a sex toy out of a ball point... Continue»
Hi here's a couple more Asslock Cockring stories, I hope you enjoy them.
The first one happened a few weeks ago when I found myself feeling desperately horny and a little twitchy with need. Sadly poor Wifey was right in the middle of her monthly, plus she was still suffering with an awful bout of thrush. Sensing my odd mood she asked if I was OK, I couldn't help but mention to her that I badly needed to cum, "yes
you do!" she said. Happily she selflessly offered to make much of me with her tongue, fingers, and mouth while I wore my new toy the Ass lock Cock Ring.
Once upstairs ... Continue»
REASONS WHY YOU MUST GET TOGETHER WITH A HORSE RIDERS
1) We have four speeds and can be many different positions ...
2) We have on our tight pants
3) We like getting dirty
4) We know how to ride really
5) We always do our best in the drawing
6) We love having control
7) We can ride for hours
8) We know how to deal with big things
9) We are going off and on easily
10) We are always ready
11) We like it hard
12) We have leg and back muscles that help us manage all the different positions
13) We love using whips
14) legs apart is our natural position
15) We do... Continue»
My quest to find the Queen of Sex Fantasy Land in search of the ultimate sexual experience...
I am so ashamed. I am just so ashamed of myself, you have no idea. I have been so bad I should be punished by one or two of you fine looking women. Really, I have been a bad boy. I have let you people down big time. Oh yes, I really did it this time. Here I am on an adult web site and what do I write? c***dish nonsense about lost tribes of wild women, going back to the Garden Of Eden, girls tied to fences. Utter nonsense. Here you people are out there, expecting some hot... Continue»
Okay, if you read my story 'Something on account', you'll know that I had a big surprise waiting for me at the office Xmas party in 1978 when I was 17. Completely unexpectedly, I had received the best blow job I had had to date - and it was from Joan, the company accountant AND three times my age!
Well, you will also know that I mentioned that there was another mature lady at that party. Lisa.
In the UK, there is an old saying... "As fit as a butchers dog". What that means is that the butcher always had the choice of the best cuts of meat for his own f****y, and the scraps made their wa... Continue»
Halloween is my favorite holiday. It combines candy, monsters, horror movies, ancient pagan rituals, booze, partying all night, fake bl**d, and hot girls in sexy costumes. On top of everything else, Halloween, a night given over to fun, fantasy, and revelry, is by far the sexiest holiday of them all (shove off Valentine's Day).
I always use October as a chance to revisit my favorite monster movies, the glorious black and white classics like Dracula, The Wolfman, The Mummy, and my favorites, Frankenstein and the even better Bride of Frankenstein. Now, Doctor Frankenstein had a bright idea, ... Continue»
A f****y sitting around the dinner table and the son asks if he can ask a question.
The father responds.
Of course,the only question!
The young man asks his dad:
Dad,how many different kinds of breasts are there?
Well,son,there are three kinds of breasts.
The 20-year-old woman has breasts are like melons, round & firm.
Around 30-40 years of age are like pears still nice but hanging a bit.
After fifty,they are like onions.
Yes, when you see them and they make you cry.
This outlay was both mother and daughter to see red,so the daughter sa... Continue»
The Italian Job 16
Italian weddings are very special things with lots of singing and dancing and eating and drinking, I know English weddings are meant to be the same but they do not seem to have the flair of the Mediterranean countries and especially a village wedding where everyone knows everyone including all their relatives both dead and alive, so when Sonia’s daughter decided to get married to one of the village lads the village started to make preparations in a big way, the bunting came out as well as the balloons and the flags and of course the preparations for a street party, mention ... Continue»
(They get hot while car gets sudsy)
Stepping out of the car at the Shell Station, Mark looked at the dark skies and impending storm. He felt the cool breeze and knew the front was just passing over. He unscrewed his gas cap and turned to see just what this tank of gas will cost. He slid his credit card into the slot and quickly removed it. Grabbing the nozzle for regular, he let his mind wander as he slipped the nozzle into the opening for the gas. He pictured Jackie, leaned over the rear fender of the car as he slipped his nozzle in.
Mark had known Jackie for a long time, since high sch... Continue»
The Italian Job 18
I have re-submitted this one after some confusion, so if it crops up again, just ignore it, this one may be a bit of a tear jerker so ladies have your hankies ready.
Several weeks past and all was relatively quiet but I was troubled, something was bugging me and I could not make up my mind, I said nothing to Ellie but finally succumbed and went to Genoa, I knew the address and parked outside, I sat in the car for an hour trying to get up the courage to go and knock on the door, finally I went to the door, I knocked and a tall elegant middle aged Italian woman answered th... Continue»
(Young wife learns to show herself off)
From my now, rather more knowledgeable experience of life, I've discovered that it's not too unusual to find that the full erotic significance of a particular incident or situation that occurred some time in the past, was not always fully appreciated or even realised at the time in which that specific episode happened. However, on a few occasions when we sit back to recollect and further analyse some of those memories, usually at a time and place a lot further down the track, the true erotic content and latent value of that moment can sometimes resurf... Continue»
(A passionate f****y relationship)
My name is Shannon, and I work for an affluent college just outside of Chicago. I recently turned 30 years old, and have been single for the majority of my life. Admittedly, it's been an easy way to go for me and my finances since my parents were well off ever since I can remember. In fact, their large, charitable donations to the college landed me the job five years ago. I didn't see the point in working since money was never an issue for us, but now I clearly enjoy having a Monday through Friday job in the bursar's office on campus.
I've never lasted ... Continue»
(Tim wants to see his wife with other men)
Tim and Janice Harwick met while in college. He was a business major and she was working on her undergraduate degree in law. They dated throughout college and fell madly in love. They decided to get married after Tim graduated, and Janice would continue her study for a law degree.
The wedding was held in Tim's hometown. It was a large traditional wedding with over five hundred guests crammed into the small church. The newlyweds ran from the church to a chorus of cheers and rice; they were off to make a home and live the American dre... Continue»
(Mary Ellen is seduced into Anal sex by her loving neighbors)
Mary Ellen Jakowski sat in her kitchen with her good friend Dana Carter having their usual morning coffee. The two women had been friends since the Carters moved into the neighborhood five years ago. Their husbands, Richard and Drew, had become buddies as well. They were "backyard" friends, as their privacy fences were connected. In fact, they rarely went to one another's house through the front door. It was a one-block walk around the neighborhood to get to the front door.
The two women normally shared a lively m... Continue»
(Good friends share. Really good friends share a lot)
My wife's best friend, Lisa, was very close to the two of us. She spent so much time with us because her boyfriend, Tim, worked out of town a lot. His job often sent him away with short notice and an uncertain return date. Frankly, I don't know how Lisa coped with it. Their relationship had to be difficult, with many lonely nights for both of them.
When Tim was away, Lisa was often over at our place. Lisa and my wife, Megan, had known each other since they started college. I had gotten comfortable enough with Lisa that ou... Continue»
(Two couples find the fun really starts after the party)
Andrea Donovan was not too thrilled with her husband Seth at the moment. He had accepted the invitation to Jared Devlin’s Halloween party without even asking her. Part of the reason was probably because he knew that she didn’t like Jared all that much and that if he’d asked first she would have said no, or at least argued about it for a while. In fact, it seemed that they were doing a little too much arguing and too little lovemaking. Both in their early thirties and in their eighth year of marriage, their lives had settled down into ... Continue»
(Couple meets hot slut at strip club)
We'd had a long lunch with plenty to drink before Lisa dropped me at the front door, and headed off toward the bar a mile down the road. I'd told her to give me half an hour before she came back, and to wait in the parking lot. "Drive carefully" I said to her as I closed the door and entered the dimly lit strip club.
I stepped inside and waited a second, letting my eyes adjust from the brilliant Canadian sunshine to the dark interior of the strip club. It was two-thirty in the afternoon and predictably the place was virtually empty, with maybe twenty... Continue»