Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 79
A vicar asks his congregation if anyone would like to express thanks for their answered prayers.
A young woman makes her way to the front of the church and turns to face the congregation. "I would like to give thanks to my answered prayers! she announces. "Six months ago, my husband, had a terrible bicycle accident and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was agonizing and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."
A stifled gasp came from every man in the congregation as they imagined the pain that the poor man must have experienced.
The young woman continued, "My ... Continue»
This just happened two nights ago (I have used fake names of course though) :) .
Alex had been single for nine months and decided to join a dating website. After two weeks of a few boring dates in the city, he was requested an add by a Serbian girl named Mili one night that lived about fourty minutes away from him. He accepted her, and they chatted for awhile until the conversation went along to:
Mili says: So you do a lot of life drawing?
Alex says: Yes, I love it, it is my passion in life.
Mili says: I have never tried it, but I wouldn't mind...
Alex says: What, really? It... Continue»
(Mark rushes home to her bedroom for lunch)
Mark called home, his meeting had been canceled and he decided to come home for lunch. Of course, with an hour's drive to get home, he hoped it would actually be lunch and a whole lot more. The k**s were at school and it had been a while since him and his wife had done anything, so Mark was hopeful.
Allison knew exactly how to serve lunch, and it had very little to with cooking or food. Fully aware of the opportunity, she changed out of her everyday clothes, noticing how firm her nipples already were and seeing the tell-tale damp spot in her pa... Continue»
The moon was full, bathing the bay and surrounding suburbs in a cerulean hue. The hot and humid air of the summer's night was still and silent, save for the crashing of the waves in the distance.
A careful eye would have spied the lanky silhouette of Joe scaling the wall effortlessly and dropping into the grounds without a sound. The moon illuminated the grounds of the house allowing Joe to scan the scene perfectly. The large manor house slouched no more than fifty yards away, the lower windows and doors boarded up. Boarded up but accessible, yes, always accessible.
The garden consist... Continue»
The Italian Job 20
The night went well with Maria giving her usual performance, she was staring at me as she took the guys in turn as they lined up to fill her with spunk, it was running down her legs in rivers by the time they had finished and got bored with her,
I was surprised because neither Sonia or Yvonne got involved with anyone else and there were plenty of potential suitors but they didn’t seem to want to know, Christina was still a bit sore in her arse but she took some guy in the pool that I think both eased the problem with her arse and took her mind off the problem because she... Continue»
Host: "Good evening. If you're just joining us, we're talking tonight with Loretta Modern, star of the new... (clears throat
)... adult film 'Lady Lust
Loretta: "Good evening."
Host: "So, tell us, Loretta, do you really enjoy your work, or are you just fake fucking for the camera?"
Loretta: "I can assure you, Tom, there's nothing fake about it. And, yes, I really do like it. I've done other types of work in my life and this is the most... fun I've ever had working (laughs
Host: "Caller, you have a question for Loretta?"
Caller: "Hello, Loretta. I'm Jim"
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss But I only slept with you because I was pissed.
I thought that I could love no other That is, until I met your b*****r.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
Of loving beauty you float with grace Now if only you could hide your face.
* Kind, intelligent, loving and hot; This describes all the things you are not.
I want to feel your sweet embrace But don't take that paper bag off of your face.
I love y... Continue»
By the fall of 1976 Elizette and I had been deeply involved for over a year. A petite Brazilian, she had jet black hair the length of her back, flawless bronze skin, large, dark brown eyes, and a lissome, graceful body. At twenty, she was almost insatiably sexual. We would have sex five or six times a week, sometimes three times a day. Everything from long languid afternoons of massage and foreplay to quickies in public places. Once at a baseball game she sat on my lap in a tactically parted wrap around skirt. On another, we fuck like mink, buck naked, on the altar of a Catholic church und... Continue»
A few months ago my husband and I looked at all different brands of the vibration platform physical fitness machines displayed at a Zoomer Show. After testing all of the exercise positions shown on the visual guide (particularly the sitting ones), I decided that the Turbovibe Light suited my personal requirements the best. I particularly liked the dual motors concept and the flexibility of the electronic remote programming features. All of the other machines at the show had a complex superstructure that I felt impeded diagonal access to the plate area, thus limiting my inventive routines.
My girlfriend and I had been dating for roughly 5 months. If you know relationships this is usually the prime period for tons of sex.
One night, after dinner and movie, my girlfriend and I decided to head back to her apartment for some "physical activity". Upon entering her apartment we discovered that her roommate had left and was not planning on returning until late, the following morning. This was perfect, (her roommate was always complaining that we had sex that was too loud)we could really let go in the bedroom and have the time of our lives.
We started to make out in the... Continue»
I am a 61 year old man living in Florida who has always been healthy and rarely ever sees a doctor. However, about 6 months ago I had an auto accident that caused an injury to my neck. After my surgery, part of my recovery included physical therapy and massage therapy. I found a good physical ther****t and worked out diligently 3 times per week. After a week of working out and feeling a bit tight I remembered the massage script and checked the phone book and one ad caught my eye. There was a ther****t not even 5 miles from my home so I called and made my first massage appointment. However, the... Continue»
A little background: Eddie, a friend of mine, and I take alternate shifts at a security office. The office is usually quiet, we just have to be there, be responsible, watch the monitors, that sort of thing. At night no one ever visits.
Well, no one except Eddie's wife Susie. She's half-Chinese, very attractive, very outgoing, and with a mouth and attitude like a Marine on shore leave! She'd had quite an upbringing in this Navy town and was quite the handful for her Chinese father, a first-generation immigrant, and her American redneck mother! (Those two are another whole story, but ne... Continue»
It was right before the hoildays of 2011 and my wife and I separtated. Feeling lonely and down due to the fact my wife was like i'll never get anyone that looks as good as her and put it on me the way she can which I thought due to the fact my wife on a off day is like a 8 and when she on a 10 and the sex is straight crazy. So feeling bad im on the phone with my b*****r and he's like go on a social site and look for old friends and get out im like please that shit dont work hes like you always find out how much someone wanted to fuck your brains out years later. So i'm like i'll try this so I ... Continue»
Christmas is a time of joy and happiness, OR boredom and loneliness.
Let me back up a bit, Christmas time, three years ago, sometime during the night, my cock was running in and out of Anna's pussy. It was all wet down there, well lubricated and it was fun. I was kissing her shoulder, fiddling her titties and ramming her pussy with my cock. Back, forth, back, forth, ... Anna turns over, she kisses me on the lips and starts sucking them. I am fingering her around her butt hole and spreading her butt cheeks while pushing her lower body to rub her pussy on my body. We didn't do it anally excep... Continue»
one fact about hispanic teens in hispanic countries, that is taboo is as follow: Teens (hispanics) from 13 and 25 and even well in their adult hood, when they start discovering their bodies, they get help from other teens of the same sex, mostly in the male gender, they would learn how to give oral sex. they will start with jerk off circles or two somes, the obvious gay ones, would be the ones who would give oral sex and mostly the one who would take it up the ass. If these teens don't find a wife, or can't find a girlfriendwhile in their mid thirties, they will continue this type of sex well ... Continue»
"The Development of events outside a person's control, regarded as determined by a Supernatural power."
The last few months had not been going well for Sam, he lost his job and his girlfriend cheated on him with his best friend. After bouncing around from job to job he landed in a garage. A massive step down from his last job but thanks to a love of Cars given to him by his Father he was happy. He quickly found a kindred spirit in Owen, a fellow Mechanic and car buff, the two became fast friends.
On one particular evening Owen was invited to go out for a night of drinking a... Continue»
I had to post this story and please believe this story is so true. I was about 25 and i had this 19 year old girl friend. It was xmas eve and I wanted her to come stay at my place so i went out to her house on the train to get her. As we waited for the train going back to my house "shell" is what im calling her(not her real name)decided she needed something in her mouth. So we went inside a shelter waiting area and she sat on the bench and i stood to watch out for others that my decide to stand inside. She unbuckled my pants like she saw flames in my pants and wasted no time getting my dick in... Continue»
During my freshmen year in High School I was new to this country. I didn't much about it. My f****y had just moved from Mexico to California and we had no clue how different things worked here, and how similiar were other things. When I was living in Mexico we had no money, but every month my mom managed to pay the rent. A man would come in every first of the month and ask for the money. My mom would ask me to go to my room. Then she would walk to the guy to her room and after two hours he would leave the house. So happy that he would forget to ask for the money. Back then I had no idea what r... Continue»
Before coming over we lived in a village outside Middleton...I say village but it was two houses either side of a road really.It would take mammy and daddy about 20 minutes into town for the shopping or the cinema or whatever.When they went out for the night I would babysit.
I don't know if it was that daddy was a civilised man or that mammy had trouble inside but unlike others we knew,there was only me and the baby and a good few years between us too....Nice peaceful house.Hahahaha.
I came home from college one day to see the car gone and Uncle Timmy making himself at home with the teapot... Continue»
Written by Janet(hotblackwetpussy42)
Diane a former prostitute want to escape away from her abusing
pimps, and other men. She wants to change her life around just to become a
normal person, she want to go back to school, get a good job. But, it's
seem whatever she do, she always fail. Diane loves to dress sexy, she
is 45 year old, and has an athlete shape with a size 48 D cup breast. Her
hips is very wide and her ass shake very heavy when she walk. Guys
can't resist stopping and staring at her. She just ignores them and continues
walking. One day she had an intervi... Continue»