Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 77

Hallmark Valentines Day Rejects






Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss But I only slept with you because I was pissed.

I thought that I could love no other That is, until I met your b*****r.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

Of loving beauty you float with grace Now if only you could hide your face.

* Kind, intelligent, loving and hot; This describes all the things you are not.

I want to feel your sweet embrace But don't take that paper bag off of your face.

I love y... Continue»
Posted by crzs 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Bob and his wife

Introduction: A joke for the ppl who never heard it before.

Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Bob. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How... Continue»
Posted by PornApocalypse 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Mom Pays Up (part 1)

(This is my first attempt at a story and my writing is pretty bad so please be kind.)
(Please comment with any ideas on how to improve, thank you)


(My name is Trevor but everyone that knows me just calls me T,
Mostly because they can't be bothered to say my whole name.
I am 21 and I live with my mom and my dad, and i don't have a job
But I have made a large amount of money from gambling and never had
a problem until recently....)



"Bye mom" I shouted as I closed the door behind me.
As I got in my car and started out of our driveway I couldn't
help but feel like I do the sam... Continue»
Posted by Milfsarehot 1 year ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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Self Service

(With a little help, he sucks his own cock)

After reading some erotic stories from men who enjoy eating their own cum, I was very aroused, though I've never been much into that. I never even like kissing my wife after she gave me head. For some reason I just couldn't shake these thoughts.

One day after reading some very hot stories, I needed to jerk off. In one of the stories a man sucked his woman's pussy after she had just been fucked by 2 other guys. This got me wondering again if maybe I was missing something, so I decided to try tasting my own jiz.

However, after I came, this des... Continue»
Posted by KingAmir 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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Office Environment and Fast Anal Sex

Call me a modern girl, I like sex, teasing, drinking, sex, men, more sex, and of course those facials, the dirty kind I blogged about earlier.

In the office the other day, I was greeted with a glass of champagne instead of my Espresso.

Dave, the copier guy snucked a bottle in, and as we stood in the small coffee room and poured me a second glass, he admitted he thought about me, behind his wife's back.

That should have sent my feminine alarm bells ringing, but strangely it made my morning pussy twitch, something most husbands know that females are partial to a morning shagging, 'I hop... Continue»
Posted by Fridagirl 4 months ago  |  Categories: Anal, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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Massage with a Happy Ending.

It’s been a rough couple weeks as being new parents the stress is really getting to us. With no time for fun times and me generally feeling down so getting a break is a rare thing.

Arriving late afternoon tension is high having had a harsh discussion earlier on in the week and just not feeling the love seeing bappy was something that I wasn’t overly excited about, that was until our wee one was babysat by his mammy that evening.

Now for the readers who know us better through our past stories passion is usually big between us because I don’t “diy” and I wait until I’m with him before pl... Continue»
Posted by maaao 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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Fucking my Bosses Chubby Daughter

True story, though doesn't every one start that way...
When I was twenty I worked at a resort in the hills of Northern California. I was cooking for a seasonal resort hotel-restaurant. The place was, or still is, in a part of the redwood forest on a secluded stretch of Highway 101, a short walk from the dramatic cliffs and winding trails down to lagoons of the California coast.
The job was lousy, but the pay was incredible and the scenery was unbeatable. The main advantage of the place was that it was a beautiful resort, and it was large and secluded enough that it had housing and apart... Continue»
Posted by apparatus 5 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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Farm job

My wife and I own alot of property,and a few horses.I am 6 foot tall 220 and about 8 inches.She is 5'2 about 140 and has 38dd tits,mm nice. Ok we got a horse that was about 2 years old.One day it seemed to be a little down so i called the vet.Lora asked me what the vet said. "he said the horse,Sam we called him,was in need of some attention.he said if I jerk it off the thing will be fine." She laughed.So reluctant to do it i asked my wife if she would please help me.It took some persuation but it was for Sam's health so she finally agreed to help,but seemed disgusted be it.
[image]http://2
... Continue»
Posted by sexybirsen 4 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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taboo sex?!! you decide.....

one fact about hispanic teens in hispanic countries, that is taboo is as follow: Teens (hispanics) from 13 and 25 and even well in their adult hood, when they start discovering their bodies, they get help from other teens of the same sex, mostly in the male gender, they would learn how to give oral sex. they will start with jerk off circles or two somes, the obvious gay ones, would be the ones who would give oral sex and mostly the one who would take it up the ass. If these teens don't find a wife, or can't find a girlfriendwhile in their mid thirties, they will continue this type of sex well ... Continue»
Posted by m2t3eros100 3 years ago  |  Categories: Gay Male, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
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Quietly Watching

I was 16 and dating the sexiest girl I've ever known. She had huge, firm tits, a perfectly round ass and the sweetest curves imaginable. Well, my best female friend was having a house party while her parents were out of town. There were maybe 15 people there, not a large crowd, but a bunch of us stayed over for the night.

My girl and I crashed in the living room... as did the hostess and another friend of ours. It was only a few minutes after the room had gone quiet when I started to gently caress my girl's delicious behind. She rubbed herself up against my leg and I could instantly ... Continue»
Posted by spudrico27 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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Flashing Wife


I never thought that I would be writing a letter to you, but I guess that goes to show that anything is possible. I'll have to start from the beginning so please bear with me.

I met my very beautiful and sexy wife about 12 years ago. I knew that she was the one for me the minute I laid eyes on her. We dated for quite a while without having sex and I respected her for the choice she made. That still doesn't mean I wasn't dying to get into her pants and sample her sweat juices. Then one day it finally happened. I mad... Continue»
Posted by jason1000 3 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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The Day I Became a Sex Slave


My name is Emma and this is the story of how I became a sex slave. I was to be turning thirteen in another 4 months. I have three older triplet b*****rs that are 17 years old. Also my mom and dad are very strict. If we don’t do our chores or get in trouble at school then they would spank us. It was always very humiliating because if we did something wrong then everyone, even guests would be gathered in the living room and whichever one of us was to be disciplined would roll two dice and the results of the roll will determine how many times each person in the room spanked you. Also everyone h... Continue»
Posted by drew1207 1 year ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
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My naughty s****r cumming into my bedroom at night

When we were young my s****r would sneak into my bedroom at the end of the hall and would. Curiously pull back the blanket and take my dick out of my under wear and look at it and fell it. I was about 16 she was 14. I had sex before and she never has but I did see her with moms dildo in her pussy before! She would come into my room almost every night and play with my dick. I would move a little and she would duck under the bed. She figured I was sl**ping. So after about two week of this she got a little braver and put her soft lips around my cock for just a second and when she did it again I r... Continue»
Posted by Richard234 5 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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My best friend got lucky and shared with me

My best friend when I was 16 lived 2 doors down. We did most everything together. We'd go to the mall, movies and swam at the pool. Today we were going to go to the pool after school. He told me to come to his house when I was ready. We had known each other for years, our families too. It was normal for us to just walk in each others house like f****y. I had changed my clothes when I got home and went to his house, walking in as usual and headed to his room. When I reached his door, which was half open, I stopped. Looking in I saw he was naked laying on the bed, and his step-s****r was sucking... Continue»
Posted by querico44 5 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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Summer of '77

--A young man's introduction into CFNM--


Chapter 1


Young Adam was a very shy boy.

A little awkward, a little on the geeky side, Adam was very much into science and building models. He spent much time in his room.
By the time he was 18, Adam had won a scholarship to attend Indiana University. It was the summer of 1977, and Adam had a few weeks left with his step mom, Natalie, and his step s****r, Rachel.

Adam lost his father when he was very young, and spent his entire c***dhood growing up with two women in the household, and no males.
It was weird at times for him, but a ver... Continue»
Posted by jkd1111 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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The Creation Of The Vagina

My 2nd Story:
The Creation Of The Vagina


There were seven wise men so fine.
creating a pussy to thier design.
The first was a butcher, Short and wit, using a knife he created a slit.
The second was a sculptor, strong and bold, using a hammer and chisel he created a hole.
The third was a hunter, short and stout, using the fur of a fox he lined it without.
The fourth was a fisherman, nasty as hell, he threw in a fish giving it the smell.
The fifth was a chef, short and big around the waste, he sprinkled some salt giving it a salty taste.
The sixith was a milk man, Tall and thin, he ... Continue»
Posted by Ari32 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Fourth of July Slumber Party

This Fourth of July started out just like any other. Little did I know that this day would change my life forever. I went over to my boyfriend's house in the middle of the afternoon for the f****y picnic. The plan was for me to watch fireworks with Danny, my boyfriend, and his f****y and then take his s****r, Whitney, to their aunt's house.

The day went exactly as planned. We went to Danny's grandparents' house for dinner, then to the park to watch fireworks. After fireworks, I gave Danny a kiss goodbye then Whitney and I drove to their aunt's house.

"Want to come up and have a few dri... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 4 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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Dad is boss

I have a strange story. My dad had a high sex drive and I could hear he and mom fuck many times every night. He also fucked her every morning before they got up. My room was next to theirs and I could hear it all. I was the oldest of four k**s. I had two s****rs and a b*****r younger than me. We were all home schooled and seldom left our farm. My mom was a sexy looking woman and dad was very handsome. I could see why they fucked all the time. I walked in the kitchen one time when dad had his hand under moms dress and was fingering her pussy as she stood in front of the sink. When I walked in h... Continue»
Posted by justfordaddy 2 years ago  |  Categories: Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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The Dogs That Started It All

I knew about sex since I was about 13 but I only started experimenting when I was about 15, I’m 26 now. When I was 15 I began to “do a little research” I guess you could call it… I watched porn. I saw rather sexy woman get fucked rough and hard by men with huge dicks. I also watched as women played with their sexy little pussies and cum all over the place. Needless to say, I began to masturbate.
But, this story isn’t about all that. That was just a little background information. This story is about my dogs Buddy and Rocky.

Buddy:

When I was still “researching” sex when I was about 16, I... Continue»
Posted by qudduse 10 months ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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Ship Wrecked


Off the coast of Africa it was a stormy dark night. The sailing ship about a mile out at sea was being battered by the violent rain and thunder storm. The mast was torn from the ship and fell overboard and the ship took on water from waves coming over it's sides and draining down the hatches filling the hull of the vessel. The ship was rocked and slammed back and forth breaking apart from the torrid storm and sank to the bottom of the ocean.
Out of the 50 man crew only 2 survived and washed up on the sandy beach. As the storm subsided and the sun rose it became a nice calm day. The 2 men ... Continue»
Posted by Warwood 3 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Group Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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