Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 76

Horny men

Mike came in to my apartment yesterday afternoon looking pretty angry. When asked what his problem was, ‘his girl would not let him do her in the ass’ was the answer… I honestly laughed; this dude is 6’5-230lbs (I think, cause he is ripped) and his girl who is Spanish is about 5’2-160lbs (cute sexy chubby girl) and he can’t get her to take it in the ass, well after thinking about it, if he f***ed her that’s **** right there.

Mike sat down rubbing his crotch, “dude go relieve yourself in the bathroom if you need to” I said to him still smiling. “You don’t get it b*o… I came home horny as fu... Continue»
Posted by dlbiblkm 4 months ago  |  Categories: First Time, Gay Male, Sex Humor  |  
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Having Friends for Lunch: Strange Relationship &nd

With a Sunday afternoon unexpectedly free – many thanks to Richard’s rabble of students, to a man seemingly unable to cope with the dual pressures of actually doing work and handing it in on time, leaving Richard with piles of marking to do – I decided to hit the bookshops. Sounds sad, I know, but I find little to compare with the simple pleasure afforded by wrapping myself in a good book! Internet sites are all terribly convenient, but for me book shopping should be a tactile, sensual experience. I need to pick up and flick through fifty books before I decide. Thus, opting f... Continue»
Posted by ChrisTracy 6 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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Bad girl returns with the chav lads

Hi

My computer fucked up so have not been online for ages. Sorry about this. Will be on msn again too.

Anyway I am back and here is another true story about me and this chav crew I go with.

I went to Jason house as well I wanted some sex and a cool time. Anyway when I got there all the other lads were there so Jamie 19, Mickey 18, Nicky 18 and Cris 18.

They were on their way to get me as they had not seen me for a few days so were getting the urge for a shag and wanted to just chill out with me as well.

We went to the back of the spar around 11pmish so it was pretty dark. T... Continue»
Posted by Erocus 5 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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New Life Part 3

Part 3
"are you just about ready dear?" Linda inquired as she put the last of her face on.
"I am, sweet heart, we'd better get going or we're going to be late," Braxton retorted as he cinched his tie into place and gave it the usual wiggle to make sure we wasn't going to choke. "Alright sweetie, going to get the car, I'll be waiting for you out front." yes sir, she smirked as he fled out of the door.
She then grabbed her hand bag and made her way out of the front door, where her car and super handsome driver awaited. However just as she was about to open the door, Braxton in a flash had ... Continue»
Posted by JerseyBean 5 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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10 strange facts about kissing

Think you know a thing or two about kissing? You probably do. But the facts below are so off the beaten path, we’ll bet you don’t know them all—and they could come in handy. Not only could they provide some steamy “Did you know…?” chit chat, but they’ll help you see all the benefits a satisfying lip lock can bring into your life. Happy smooching!

1. Two out of every three couples turn their heads to the right when they kiss.

2. A simple peck uses two muscles; a passionate kiss, on the other hand, uses all 34 muscles in your face. Now that’s a rigorous workout!

3. Like fingerprints or ... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 5 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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the duster b*****rs (( its a book iam writting spe

where to start i guess from the beginning will be a good place. well our story starts back in 300 A.D when draclua the king of all vampires has 3 sons. by one of his wifes drake the oldest spike the middel son and lan the youngest. the three b*****rs was raised to be perfect killers as most vampires princes's are but these three was diffrent as the grew up they grew in power as a gift to them on their 15th birthday they was each given a leather duster. each with their own symble on the back of it. drakes had a pentagram with flames o nthe back of it. spikes had a silver upside down cross known... Continue»
Posted by shadowxfire 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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IN THE COUNTRY CLUB

We met up with some friends over xmas in a posh country club for some drinks. It was only meant to be for a couple, but it soon turned in to quite alot more than a couple. After about 6 or 7 pints we all nipped outside to the cold for a ciggy. Our friends headed back inside and we followed, i jokingly said to the Mrs, lets go into the men's toilets and have some fun, i din't think she would be up for it but she turned and walked straight in without even checking. We headed to 1 of the 2 cubicles and locked the door. I put the lid down and pulled her leggings down exposing her sexy lacy thong a... Continue»
Posted by himNher 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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Realease the Krakken

This is actually a completely random post. I was talking with my a friend the other day, and he reminded me of something I did at a party a while back. I used to go to parties and get completely trashed when I was in high school. And I had this ex Abi, who was a total control freak, but very atractive, she was 5'4, mix of mexican and caucasion, very smoothe skin, long black hair, big doe eyes, perky b cup size, and a very tight ass. one thing I hated was that she would tease and lead me on but never actually do anything. After a few months of blue balls, we broke up and went our separated ways... Continue»
Posted by dick_masscock 4 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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Fuckn My Flat 2



My hands were shaking at the anticipation, she grabbed the back of my neck and brought me in for another deep kiss, my fingers danced lightly over the mounds of her boobs grazing the hard nipples as my hand got closer to her glistening thighs. I moved my hands over her pussy lips. Wet doesn’t even get close to describing her. This girl was hot and dying for some hard cock to make her scream. Her back arched as I lightly moved her wet lips apart, her panty gusset was soaked through with it as I dragged them off her, her ass raising in the air to help giving me a waft of her pu... Continue»
Posted by salahgabr 3 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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Untitled

Arranging to meet Sarah in the new pub was a waste of time she text as I arrived to say she was delayed somewhat I thought I'm here now no harm in a small glass of White was there I went inside for an afternoon it wasnt empty but not heaving I got my drink and headed for a table by the window I was thirsty and the first glass went down too quick so I headed to the bar for another I just sat back down when he walked in I blushed as his eyes clocked mine looking at him my god he was fit i looked away feeling flushed I couldn't resist another glance as he stood at the bar he was tall fit and a bo... Continue»
Posted by Hollysuckscox 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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CAUGHT AND PUNISHED !!!!!!

Right i thought, ill get this last job sorted then race home and have the house to myself for an hour or so before the wife gets in. Both the k**s are away so i thought ill enjoy some sexy time alone. I rushed home and swung the van into the first space i could find. When i jumped out my freshly shaven cock was already starting to pulsate as i thought about my beautiful wives sexy panties in the wash basket just waiting to be explored.

I kicked of my shoes and dropped my trousers releasing my massive hard throbbing cock, and went upstairs. I reached into the wash basket and found 3 pairs o... Continue»
Posted by himNher 5 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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Dracula's Forbidden Forest

Music that would be playing in the background is as follows: Marilyn Manson "Sweet Dreams", Korn "Freak on a leash", Three days Grace "a****l i have become" and NIN "Closer". This is the first annual haunted hay ride for adults only with only 2 wagonfulls of people per night so early reservations are strongly recommended! This is an erotic ride for the halloween season for very sexual people, such as myself, to dress up and participate in the roles you are given. During the heat of the moment some participants if they wish can swap partners and so on. You must sign a disclaimer form before... Continue»
Posted by jenny462 4 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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Girl Catches Mom Sniffing her Panties

I have been observing my mother smelling my panties for many years now and have discovered that she is gaining sexual arousal from them. My mom began smelling them when I was in my early to mid teens, around about the time when I began to have sexual thoughts, which often resulted in me leaving a creamy liquid in my underwear. For years she would typically take them from the laundry hamper and just feel them with her fingers, followed by raising them to her nose and sniffing for awhile... but now it has developed into her taking my dirty panties and wearing them to bed and work.

A few month... Continue»
Posted by MrSuspiria 5 years ago  |  Categories: Lesbian Sex, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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Chat Buddy, Fuck Buddy



I had been talking to this guy on the internet for about 3 months. He was obviously sex crazy. We had been constantly flirting and there was definitely a sexual attraction. He lived about 2 hours away, so finally one night I drove up there. After some chit chat and a few beers/shots of whiskey, he came up from behind me and kissed me. We ended up grinding each other while I was straddling him. I was so wet and I couldn't handle it anymore. We p... Continue»
Posted by Sexyvixen36 4 years ago  |  Categories: Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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first online hookup (crazy fun)

As I log on to my social network of choice, I put down my bottle of cola for a moment to input the password. As the page loads up I taste the sugary drink. In the corner of the screen there is 1 new friend request. "Maria" 20.

I remember working with Maria a few years before that, she was about 3 years younger then me but she was pretty open about what she wanted, even when she was 15. I accept, thinking to myself "worth a shot now".

A few moments later an IM bubble pops up " hey stranger, how you doing ? :)". Great I responded. Over the next hour or so we ... Continue»
Posted by thekp 6 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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Construction worker

Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.

He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his cock and starts masturbating.

The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the fuck is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand ... Continue»
Posted by ducati4652 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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The Absent-Minded Commuter

The Absent-Minded Traveller
I am a terribly forgetful person - let me give you an example. Yesterday I went to visit a friend - a beautiful friend, slim, yet with curves in all the right places - and we flirt, though nothing has happened between us … yet. I wanted her to notice how good I looked, so I made a special effort before I set off for her place. I put on a rather short, floral dress, and high heeled, strappy sandals. Then I sat in front of the mirror and watched myself as I pumped my clit hood till it was huge - all swollen and soft - rubbing against my thighs. To get to my friend’... Continue»
Posted by pinkpumper 5 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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Skinny dipping with mates GF

Unusually for me I had been working in Town on a project, it was one of those gorgeous late spring days with the sun shining hot and bright. Not at all like the bleak cold of our current dirge.

There was an unexpected knock at the door, when upon answering it I found Jo standing there. “Hello” she said, “I saw your car parked outside and thought I’d see how you are?” I explained that I was fine and invited her in to see what I was up to. She came and I said that I was surprised to see her as I had expected her to be at the Wedding.

I should maybe explain here that Jo was my best mate Jon... Continue»
Posted by appycam 6 months ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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Episode 42 - Girl loses the Horse Cock

Introduction
By now, if you’ve been following this mini-series you should have read:
'Girl with the Horse Cock' Parts 1 and 2, uploaded by Drew Robbins from Indiana (see link in My Favourites),
My story, called 'Episode 40 – Girl with the Horse Cock',
and finally the slightly unusual 'Girl with the Horse Cock Part 3' (see My Favourites again).

If you haven’t the time here is a very brief synopsis:
We first met Amy – the girl with the Horse-cock in Part 1 – it was the result of a dreadful accident, swallowing a drop of pure Horse DNA on a school trip to the experimental horse br... Continue»
Posted by dasx2 1 year ago  |  Categories: Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
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NO BOYS ALLOWED

Mehek introduced me to her friends, showed me around her town, and helped me
settle in and acclimate to my new life. We were cousins by bl**d, but friends,
and pretty soon best friends by choice. We hung out together, had the same
group of friends, and shared secrets, everything that best girl friends do. She
even told me about the night she lost her virginity to her boyfriend. I must
admit that hearing her describe how it happened got me really sexually aroused,
and that night while Mehek was asl**p, I masturbated for the first time. I only
used my fingers and didn't even have an ... Continue»
Posted by thehornybabe 6 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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