Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 74
Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.
He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his cock and starts masturbating.
The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the fuck is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand ... Continue»
Katie had only just found her seat and already she was feeling uneasy. The theater was packed; it was after all opening night. To her left sat a couple of teenaged girls chatting and giggling, to her right a father and son busy talking about the score of the game tonight. She did a quick scan of the dimly lit room but she couldn’t see him. She knew he was there, she just didn’t know where.
He had given her the toys and instructions to which she had to follow to the letter:
-8pm, Theater 7, row 5, seat 8
-Enter the theater with the beads in place and insert the vibrator when the lights... Continue»
A true story.
I work in a large factory, i try to be friendly with everyone. When working the afternoon shift, there are cleaners that do the toilets, around teatime. One of female cleaners took a bit of a shine to me, a bit of flirting etc. I used to like talking to her whilst she was working, because she used to give me a flash down her top, you could tell she did it on purpose and she had big tits too.
After several weeks of verbal foreplay and tit flashing, i went to talk to her this particular day. She just blurted out...Do you want to fuck me... Me being the shy type just stood there... Continue»
I knew about sex since I was about 13 but I only started experimenting when I was about 15, I’m 26 now. When I was 15 I began to “do a little research” I guess you could call it… I watched porn. I saw rather sexy woman get fucked rough and hard by men with huge dicks. I also watched as women played with their sexy little pussies and cum all over the place. Needless to say, I began to masturbate.
But, this story isn’t about all that. That was just a little background information. This story is about my dogs Buddy and Rocky.
When I was still “researching” sex when I was about 16, I... Continue»
The Absent-Minded Traveller
I am a terribly forgetful person - let me give you an example. Yesterday I went to visit a friend - a beautiful friend, slim, yet with curves in all the right places - and we flirt, though nothing has happened between us … yet. I wanted her to notice how good I looked, so I made a special effort before I set off for her place. I put on a rather short, floral dress, and high heeled, strappy sandals. Then I sat in front of the mirror and watched myself as I pumped my clit hood till it was huge - all swollen and soft - rubbing against my thighs. To get to my friend’... Continue»
I have been observing my mother smelling my panties for many years now and have discovered that she is gaining sexual arousal from them. My mom began smelling them when I was in my early to mid teens, around about the time when I began to have sexual thoughts, which often resulted in me leaving a creamy liquid in my underwear. For years she would typically take them from the laundry hamper and just feel them with her fingers, followed by raising them to her nose and sniffing for awhile... but now it has developed into her taking my dirty panties and wearing them to bed and work.
A few month... Continue»
This post is about how, to some of you, size DOES matter…a lot! As you can see, I am at the other end of the spectrum at 4.5 inches. Does this bother me? Yes and no. Let me start at the beginning and I think you’ll see what I mean…
My first girlfriend was very devoted to me as a person but unfortunately she couldn’t really feel much when we made love. Over time since she knew what a high sex drive I had she would take dick and start jerking me off. After a couple of minutes she always said her arm was getting tired which meant that she wanted me to finish myself off. This became the norm af... Continue»
Jack Straw, 35, single forever, sales-man for stockings, lacy lingery and condoms, travels more miles through the lonely country than any one of us - it is his job! He doesn't meet many women on his long and dusty way through the outback, but he certainly longs for the once-in-a-lifetime encounter with a lady that will fulfill all his secret dreams!
Here I am once again on this endless and winding road through the deserted country side. The six cylinder motor of my old station wagon is humming comfortably under the broad bonnet as I ride along with seventy miles an hour. I am traveling li... Continue»
So this weekend my Aunt asked if I would help her clean out her attic and put on a yard sale. I know she will be upset if she finds out I posted this but, I guess my obsession with giving head runs in the f****y :)
While going through some of her Law School books, this note fell out, I still have more books to go through, I hope i find more.
K.L. thoughts on my recent Oral Arguments- Pro
"Any college student looking for work in his field can appreciate the difference between theory and practice. Long before I developed any sort of expertise in the sexual arts, Scarletlet... Continue»
Following the SmackDown television tapings on July 26, 2011 at Philadelphia,
Pennsylvania's Wells Fargo Center, SmackDown General Manager Teddy Long is
leaving his office. "Teddy... b*o.... Before you go I got a great idea!" Zack
Ryder says as a he approaches Teddy while sighs as his newly assigned
assistant comes towards him.
"Zack... the show's over..." Teddy Long says as he looks at the Long Island
"b*o are you serious? This the WWE... the show's never over!" Zack smiles.
Teddy sighs again, "What is it now Zack?"
"b*o... I got a great idea...The Diva Broski ... Continue»
PEEP SHOW PERFORMANCE by Giorgio Canoli
On their way home from dinner George suggested he and Kim stop at a local adult toy store. "How come were making this pit stop"? she asked. He replied, "I noticed your rabbit isn't as fast as he used to be", "the tortoise can actually beat him now". They chuckled as they exited the vehicle.
This wasn't no ordinary porno shop. It was the home depot of erotica. They wandered through each aisle, Kim's pussy started getting moist and she could see George's cock growing through his pants. Kim quipped "Be careful with that loaded gun in your poc... Continue»
Well it started when i was in my early teens and went to visit my friend after school one day and his dad came to the door and told me he was at ball practice but could come inside and wait for him if wanted. so i went in and sat down and noticed he was wearing cut off sweats and no underwear and obviously was hanging out and he wanted to know if i was ok with watching some porn with him...well being i was a horny young guy at that age i agreed and we watched some pron for a few minutes before he was fully erect and hanging out the side of his shorts...he calmly asked me if that bothered me an... Continue»
I was meeting my friend after soccer practise. We were 17. I was the shy slightly geeky one and he was the jock. I loved hanging out with him. He was always so much fun and never treated me like the other guys that were the popular jocks. He always listened to me even though I was very soft spoken. We could talk for hours about movies, books, videogames and pretty much everything. I met him outside the field and he asked if it would be alright if we swung by his house. He'd like to shower and freshen up. I waited in his bedroom sitting on the side of the bed. I never been in his bedroom before... Continue»
LIKE MOTHER LOVE DAUGHTER MORE
My story start when I was10 years of age, I had a s****r who was 13 years old and she was always teasing me especially when she invited her girlfriends round to our house after school,
They would all go to her bedroom and then call me up to her room asking if I wanted to play with them of course as a 10 year old I was too young to understand what there type of playing was,
I was told to lie on the bed as they wanted to play nurses and I was to be the patient for them I would always do as they asked and just lie there while they pretended to operate on me... Continue»
Mehek introduced me to her friends, showed me around her town, and helped me
settle in and acclimate to my new life. We were cousins by bl**d, but friends,
and pretty soon best friends by choice. We hung out together, had the same
group of friends, and shared secrets, everything that best girl friends do. She
even told me about the night she lost her virginity to her boyfriend. I must
admit that hearing her describe how it happened got me really sexually aroused,
and that night while Mehek was asl**p, I masturbated for the first time. I only
used my fingers and didn't even have an ... Continue»
We are an Indian couple from Kerala aged 34 and 38 yrs and married for seven years.
I had to go on a business trip which involved six hours of driving and my wife was with me in the car - After the meeeting we thought of visiting a nearby beach which is famous for Indian ayurvedic messages - I suggested that she go for a massage and she gave me a flat 'NO" for her.
I requested a massage for myself and the guy who mas massaging me was just around twenty years old. I suggested that my wife watch the massage as she had never seen it before.
As my massage was almost geeting over I insiste... Continue»
(Skirt leads mature couple to sexual adventure)
My wife and I have been married for 25 years – she is 45 and I am 48. It took a little red skirt to bring us the sexual adventure of our lives.
For our anniversary just over last autumn , I bought her a gold bracelet and booked a short country house break but as a fun present for me she ordered a short tight red mini skirt from a mail order company. I wasn’t to know how much of a “fun” present it would turn out to be although the first time she modelled it with a pair of lacey topped stockings I could see the real potential.
Babs is blon... Continue»
I was a grad student at Valdosta State University a few years ago and I used to see a M.I.L.F. in a wheelchair that was mid 40ish and very good looking. She had a really nice rack on her! I made a point of running into her a number of times around campus so I could talk to her. I discovered she worked for VSU and was not a student. She was divorced and had k**s grown and out of the house. I told her I liked to hang out at Bungelow's, a local college bar, and sure enough one night I saw her come in. I invited her to sit with me and I bought her a few jack and cokes and before long she was a bit... Continue»
This is the true story about my first time with a guy. It happened about 8 years ago.
John and I had been friends since we were about 6 years old. We did just about everything together. We were, and still are, best friends. One evening we decided to go to the gym and work out. The place was just about empty. We had the place to ourselves for the most part. I wasn’t as into the work out as John was. I decided to call it quits and hit the showers. John decided to stay and lift some more.
Since the place was empty I was in the showers alone. I was thinking about the killer blowjob that ... Continue»
We lived in Kentucky and frequented a nudist club in Southern Ohio. We met many interesting people while sunning ourselves. Talking and lots of smiles were common and being naked the talking and smiling were open and sincere.
We both noticed a couple that tickled our fancy (so to speak) and agreed that they might be fun to be with especially since there were lots of eye contact between us as a couple. We found later that their names were Danny and Kathy.
I loved the sauna...so while my lovely, curvy and sex driven wife was laying in the sun I opted for a visit into the sauna. I layed my... Continue»