Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 73

Only the British would get this one!..............



Mr Cadbury met Miss Rowntree on a Double Decker.

It was just After Eight.

They got off at Quality Street .

He asked her name. 'Polo, I'm the one with the hole' she said with a Wispa.

'I'm Marathon , the one with the nuts' he replied.

He touched her Cream Eggs, which was a Kinder Surprise for her.

Then he slipped his hand into her Snickers, which made her Ripple.

He fondled her Jelly Babies and she rubbed his Tic Tacs.

Soon they were Heart Throbs.

It was a Fab moment as she screamed in Turkish Delight.

But, 3 days later, his Sherbet Dip Dab started to itch.
... Continue»
Posted by papa61 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 232  |  
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THE ITALIAN.....

When reading this it must be read with a ITALIAN ACCENT....



One day I go to Toronto and stay in a bigga hotel.
I go down to eat soma breakfast. I tella the waitress I wanna two
pissa toast. She bring me only one piss.
I tella her I wanna two piss; she say, go to toilet - I say, you no
understand, I wanna two piss on my plate. She say you betta no piss on
plate, you sonna ma b*tch! I don't even know lady, she calla me somma
ma b*tch.
Then I go to pharmacia with a cougha. The man he give me candy ana
tell me fa cough! - I don't even know man ana he tella me FA COUGH!
Lat... Continue»
Posted by papa61 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 815  |  
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I Love my Job.

Little known fact. I happen to work in an adult store, yep, I sell dildos, vibes, porn, pipes and bongs for a living. The other night much like any other night i was working the closing shift as I always do, it gets slow in the middle of the week so i usually sit on my table chatting on here to pass the time. In walks this girl, brown hair and curvy. Wearing a very low cut shirt under her jacket. She looks around at the toys for a while then comes over to the counter where all the lube is kept in the glass display. I walk over on the other side of the counter and ask if she needed anything. "I... Continue»
Posted by smuttsy 1 year ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 4715  |  
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Manghihilot na manyak!

In our place, there is one quack doctor as I can say. We locally called this "manghihilot", whenever we have some kind of sickness that medical doctors can not cure, we turn to them for cure. They usually use oil and oration and other amulets that drives sickness or bad spirits away. They usually do "hilot" or a type of curative massage that focuses on relieving bodily pains and sickness.

Our "manghihilot" is known in our area since I was a c***d, during that time he is on his 50s or something. Until now, he still performs "hilot" and at his age, which I assume at around 80s, is still ... Continue»
Posted by mrsbogmaliso 2 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 353  |  
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Fireman's Carnival

Fireman's Carnival

by Kathy B.



"Mark! I'm over here!" I waved my hands wildly, trying to get my husband's
attention. It was useless though; he couldn't hear me over the noise of the
crowd and he hadn't noticed our booth when he walked past.

"Hey, lady. Can we get some pies here or not?" A sweaty, overweight man
stood beside three sweaty, underweight k**s. Each c***d clutched a dollar bill
in their dirty little fists.

I took a last look at Mark's back, disappearing behind the Ferris Wheel.
Oh, well, he'd keep looking until he found me. I'd get his attention t... Continue»
Posted by tzrlvr 1 year ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 899  |  
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The best class session. (continue)

We couldn't wait for the class to end. Even after cumming boy was I still horny. I wanted Jane really bad. She wasn't particularly good looking but there was smth in her that made a guy crazy. Maybe the way that she handled herself, maybe her long lingering looks. I don't know, but she sure as hell made every guy fantasize about her. There were a few times where I remember picturing her naked while pleasuring myself. But even in my wildest dreams I had never imagined all this to happen.
Finally the class ended and the professor decided to let us go. I immediately turned towards her and said:... Continue»
Posted by kujdes_shishen 1 year ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 1277  |  
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The Day I Became a Sex Slave


My name is Emma and this is the story of how I became a sex slave. I was to be turning thirteen in another 4 months. I have three older triplet b*****rs that are 17 years old. Also my mom and dad are very strict. If we don’t do our chores or get in trouble at school then they would spank us. It was always very humiliating because if we did something wrong then everyone, even guests would be gathered in the living room and whichever one of us was to be disciplined would roll two dice and the results of the roll will determine how many times each person in the room spanked you. Also everyone h... Continue»
Posted by drew1207 5 months ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  Views: 3258  |  
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SEX IN CHURCH

SITTING THERE IN CHURCH LISTENING TO THE PREACHER…I STARTED TO THINK ABOUT HOW MUCH FUN THAT I HAD THE NIGHT BEFORE WIT MY LOVE….IT STARTED ME GETTING ALL HOTT AND EXCITED….

I BEGIN TO FEEL THE MOISTURE BEGIN BETWEEN MY LEGS AND FEEL THE THROBBING AND TWITCHING THAT UNYQUE WAS DOING….OH YES UNYQUE IS THE NAME OF MY PUSSY FOR THOSE THAT DON’T KNOW YET…

SHE GIVES ME SIGNALS OF WHEN SHE WANT DICK IN HER LIFE….I BEGIN TO MOVE AROUND ON THE BENCH TRYING TO TAME AND QUIET HER DOWN….BUT THAT WASN’T HELPING ME OUT ONE BIT…

I GLANCED OVA MY RIGHT SHOULDER AND NOTICED THIS FINE AZZ GUY LOOKING ... Continue»
Posted by ladytrucka42 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  Views: 1239  |  
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Fourth of July Slumber Party

This Fourth of July started out just like any other. Little did I know that this day would change my life forever. I went over to my boyfriend's house in the middle of the afternoon for the f****y picnic. The plan was for me to watch fireworks with Danny, my boyfriend, and his f****y and then take his s****r, Whitney, to their aunt's house.

The day went exactly as planned. We went to Danny's grandparents' house for dinner, then to the park to watch fireworks. After fireworks, I gave Danny a kiss goodbye then Whitney and I drove to their aunt's house.

"Want to come up and have a few dri... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 3 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 883  |  
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Ship Wrecked


Off the coast of Africa it was a stormy dark night. The sailing ship about a mile out at sea was being battered by the violent rain and thunder storm. The mast was torn from the ship and fell overboard and the ship took on water from waves coming over it's sides and draining down the hatches filling the hull of the vessel. The ship was rocked and slammed back and forth breaking apart from the torrid storm and sank to the bottom of the ocean.
Out of the 50 man crew only 2 survived and washed up on the sandy beach. As the storm subsided and the sun rose it became a nice calm day. The 2 men ... Continue»
Posted by Warwood 1 year ago  |  Categories: Anal, Group Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 1151  |  
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My Girlfriends has a creampie pussy for the night.

Ceri my sexy saucy girlfriend was having a night out with the girls. It had been a while since she has been out and she was looking forward to it. As in my previous story Ceri like’s to flirt around with my mates and other lads she finds hot. She love’s being touched up and I don’t mind her having a bit of fun now and again. We had a steaming threesome with a male college friend of mine a few years ago. Since then our sex life has been pretty normal.

My good friend Dave was staying over our house to keep me company while she was out for the night. We had a load of beers in and were having a... Continue»
Posted by danny227 1 year ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 2000  |  
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My first real time

Again – all my stories are absolutely true


2006 February, 22
about 11:40 am


Damn, I really hated sports when I was in school. Not that I don’t like sports in general, but considering I already had a quite big bosom when I was 16 it was really a pain when I had to jog or to make gymnastic exercises. If you can’t understand, just bind a pair of sand bags over your breast and try to jog properly. I think everyone can imagine the problem then. The best bra doesn’t help with that problem, my back starts to hurt and the breasts are bouncing wildly while running, but that’s not the biggest... Continue»
Posted by Bea69 3 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 1666  |  
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The Picture Album

A really good friend of mine, who occasionally roomed with me, had a breakup with his girl friend. After taking a majority of her personal items she asked that he return the last few items she left behind when she left. One important item she mentioned to him was a set of photo albums. While she didn’t want the entire album set, she did want to go thru them and choose the photos she wanted to take out of them. So, as his best friend I volunteered to be the arbitrator for the albums. We arranged to have her come to my place one evening and go thru the albums on a day that he was working so that... Continue»
Posted by bigsoftee 2 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 1630  |  
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Crack Addict

Crack Addict
1:05PM on April 28, 2008


... Ever had a panty job ?

...you know .. kinda like an upgraded dry hump ?

..It's wear you get your partner to drop their pants / dress .. they lay on their stomach on a bed, couch or chair while you grind and rub your cock into the crack of their ass until you get off.

I know a lot of you reading this post are like ... why not just stuff you cock into the offending orifice and be done with it ?
Answer: Because that shit is boring and lacks imagination. Plus a panty job can be steamy and hot leading to intense sexxual encounters l... Continue»
Posted by mondotoken 4 years ago  |  Categories: Interracial Sex, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  Views: 983  |  
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A Surprise BJ

"Oh my God! That girl's booty is SO fat!" laughed Rico as Elyse walked by. "You think you can get with that, T? Elyse Greer is the FINEST girl at Sanctuary High School. If you got with her, you would be top dog around here."





Those words stuck with me all my junior and senior years of high school. Elyse really was one of the most beautiful girls at SHS, but that is not why she was the most desirable; guys wanted her because they couldn't have her. Elyse was a good girl in the body every bad girl wanted. She had the most perfect DD tits that would make Pam Anderson cry and butt so jui... Continue»
Posted by ballzyturtl 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 610  |  
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My Sexy And Hot Mami



Hi! All reader I am male from Gujarat and I am writing my true story first time. Let me tell u that my English is so low so u finds lot of mistake in my writing but I assure u that u like my true experience. Let’s come to story I am 20 yr old living in small town in Gujarat in my f****y my father mother me and my s****r r there. We are living in city area. Where we have lot of neighbours but one is special for me.

I like alder ladies then girls and the big assets always attract me. One of our neighbors named Chaya. She is 44 yr old she is my fantasy and I always have a crush to fuck he... Continue»
Posted by fairpussy 3 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 878  |  
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The Past of the Great Takuri and his Gift

January 30. 2012
This is my first Journal entry. Why do people write a journal? Probably because they’re lonely. But I, the great Takuri, or at least that’s what I’m calling myself these days, am never lonely. No I’m writing this journal so that other people can see, can read what great things I’ve done and where I’ve erred. It feels like I’m writing the truth. As a magician I spent my whole life living in illusions, bending the truth both to the audience but also to my humble self, now it feels like I can finally tell the whole story, you can’t go to somebody who you are manipulating and tel... Continue»
Posted by shanina 3 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, First Time, Sex Humor  |  Views: 268  |  
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Where I've Been...


Hey guys and gals,

sorry it's been a while since I was last on, you won't believe
what's happened to me!

To cut a long story short, my s****r found out about me on here and saw my story of what she did to me when we was younger, needless to say,
she was very pissed off with me.

She confronted me about it and as I apologised to her she told me to get down on my knees and kiss her feet for forgiveness. Naturally, I did as I was told and when I got down on my knees, she kicked the shoe off her foot and lifted her foot up so her sole was right infront of my face. Now, she had been wo... Continue»
Posted by LittleMissFart 2 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  Views: 1248  |  
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THE ITALIAN WEDDING

THE ITALIAN WEDDING

I was a very happy man.
My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year.
So we decided to get married.

There was only one little thing bothering me..

It was her beautiful younger s****r, Sofia.

My prospective s****r-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was Bra-less.

She would regularly bend down when she was near me.
I always got more than a nice view.

It had to be deliberate.
She never did it around anyone else.

One day she called me and asked me to come over.
'To check my s****r's wedding- invitatio... Continue»
Posted by tetamata 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 737  |  
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back seat blowy

I had just broke up with my ex and met a girl in a town 30 mins away and my buddy was interested in her friend so it was good for both of us to drive there, we got there and the girls looked great and being kinda hick my buddy and i looks well hick, we went to a movie and then got a bit to eat (it was summer and nice out) we then desided that we could both push i luck if we go outta town were there was a park so we went there and me and the girl i hard my eye on went to the play ground and my buddy and his girl were walking around me and the girl started making out and bein inosent she was a l... Continue»
Posted by freek0418 4 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 716  |  
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