Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 71
Have you ever had a really bad day?
I mean a real shitfest!
Where things go from bad to worse in the blink of an eye?
First, I got fired.
Then I got dumped
And last but certainly not least, I died!
So to recap, Fired, Dumped, Dead...bummer!
You might be asking yourself..."Jack, how does a moderately healthy guy just this side of Thirty die" Well "self" maybe next time you'll unplug the toster before you try to pry out a Pillsbury Toaster Strudle with a butterknife...while high.
So yeah I got zapped with 50,000 volts and died alone in my underwear and a Spice World T-... Continue»
It happened a long time ago when I was studying in university. I was a freshman there in the university. I had my first ever row of exams I was really freaked out to take. I had only a few days to prepare for my exams and I hadn’t had anything in my empty head. I didn’t study any of the English and I had to do that exam in order to pass to the next semester.
Professor told me to come and see her on January, 3rd. I had no time to prepare for the exam because there was too much partying and I was still a bit hangover. I had no desire to prepare myself but I still had to go and at least show up.... Continue»
Standing only in my red lace panties, brushing my teeth, I wipe the fog from the bathroom mirror.
Looking into the mirror, I see you step from the shower, give me a smile and a wink, then turn away from me to reach for a towel.
I can’t help but notice your sexy physique and your sweet tight buns. I swiftly turn and give your ass cheek a hard slap. Your hips thrust forward as your shoulders push back. You whirl around, with a scowl on your face.
Still brushing my teeth, I innocently tilt my head from side to side and shrug my shoulder a little as if to say “what?” Without sa... Continue»
Well let’s just say I’m the mountainman66 I got that nickname so long ago I don’t even remember why. I’m a big old boy somewhat built like a tank, a water tank.
And like any good story worth telling, you have to have a protagonist and an antagonist.
But with this story you get to decide who is who.
It all started with my divorce, it left me somewhat high and dry, and not really caring about the opposite sex. Now who ever come up with that line had it right on the money. Opposite sex, what a laugh. More like obstinate sex.
BUT I’M NOT BITTER!
Okay now back to... Continue»
When Billy Jefferson's parents had to rush out of town to be at the side of his grandmother after she suffered a stroke, his mother's s****r Diane was called upon to keep an eye on Billy and the house until his parents could return.
It worked out well, because Billy was very fond of his Aunt Diane. Since her husband had divorced her several years ago, she had led a lonely life out in the sticks, so being called upon to help was a welcome break from the boring routine of her single life.
Chapter One: Bad timing
Diane Shaver couldn't believe her luck, an... Continue»
"Ah Mr and Mrs Jameson. I'm Drss. Dragonmage, but my friends call me Misty."
"Hi I'm Don and this is my good wife Melinda."
The handshakes were firm and purposeful.
"Please take a seat, while I explain the procedure to you."
She waved towards two chairs across her desk. "Would you like a coffee before we start?" "I'm too excited for coffee I'm afraid." Melinda giggled.
Drss.Dragonmage smiled. "That's perfectly natural, after all it is your first time. Now as you already know we aim to ensure that the host is as perfect a match as possible. Which is why w
I got to the job interview early; I used the time to go over everything I think they would ask. The secretary called me in and showed me to the head HR lady’s office. She looked to be in mid to late 50s and didn’t even stand up to shake my hand… “Mr. Sam” she said pulling her glasses down slightly over the bridge of her nose “I regret to inform you that the position you applied for has been filled, we… tried contacting you by phone and via email, but none of them seemed to work … cause here you are” “I…”, “I’ll tell you what” she moved the papers that were in the middle of the desk to the left... Continue»
Chapter 1 – Piling on Straws
Oh shit, I was busted again. My mother, Roseanna, stared at me with a fiery gaze, her eyes
like penetrating lasers.
"How many times Brock! How many times do I have to tell you not to fist that, that, that big
filthy prick in my living-room!" mother yelled.
I sat completely still, silent and stunned with my mouth and eyes wide open. Mother must've
been really heated. I had heard her curse a few times already, but not regularly, and only once
before was it directed at me. Evidently I struck a nerve, a deep rooted nerve.
This made the third time that... Continue»
Hello everyone, this is my first story here... This is a real one, i haven't many of them to tell so in the future i could switch to fantasy. I'm also not english so tell me about my writing :-p
By now: here the facts. I was 23 and i broke up with my boyfriend after almost 1 year, i was very sad, angry and, must admit, cock-hungry.
That night a good friend of mine held a birthday party in a nightclub, we danced and had a very good time, drinking much. Aware of me being a good drinker, my friend drove me to the party. There, however, she found a very handsome man to go home with, and asked me... Continue»
Lita had been driving across the country for hours and she was exhausted. All she wanted was a stiff drink and a good night's sl**p. She drove a couple more miles before coming across a bar on one side of the road, and a motel on the other. "Perfect!" she said out loud. She pulled into the parking lot, turned off the engine and got out of the car, locking it behind her.
As soon as she walked in the bar, Lita noticed two things....great music and nothing but women. She thought, 'A lesbian bar? No way!' She had always wanted to go to a lesbian bar, so she was rather excited. She sat d... Continue»
Just Being Neighborly
I first had a chance to meet our new neighbor when we were both getting our mail out of our adjoined mailboxes one day around noon. Looking her over she had a bit of a very tired look on her face but from the neck down she was hot. She was wearing sandals, really short shorts and a pullover white shirt cut at the waist and the neckline was torn down rather low. Allowing her to be the first one to get the mail I watched as she stooped over to grab hers. I got a pretty clear look down that the neckline of that torn shirt and saw nothing but cleavage. No bra and no tan l... Continue»
Melanie was a woman with a plan.
She had already achieved the first part of the plan by marrying Rod. You see Rod is incredibly rich! Just how wealthy she did not know but he had houses or condos in California, New York and Florida. He had servants, cars, and a jet. Yes he is wealthy beyond most people’s imaginations.
Melanie was poor and had been working as an erotic dancer when Rod had come in one night. For what Melanie lacked in money was offset by her sexy looks and her ability to sexually please others.
There was only... Continue»
Yet another American politically oriented breeding story ... just in time for the government shutdown over lack of passing a budget bill. Enjoy.
This all happened when my husband Derick and I had the opportunity to go on a great camping trip with our neighbors Angela and Steve. Things got interesting when they ended up bringing along their friend, Blake. We were all in our late 20's and Derick and I had been happily married for 5 years.
We got to this awesome out of the way spot in the forest after a long drive and hike in. Blake turned out to be very... Continue»
There was a knock on the front door. I was pretty sure who it was.
So let me set this up for you. If you’ve read my stories, you know that my wife, Janice and I, share our home and bed with my s****r Ginger. We’ve been living between Texas and Florida for the past few years, but Florida, where I grew up, was going to be our home from now on. And to put it plain, Florida is hot. It is hot in the winter, hot in the spring and fall. And it is really hot in the summer. Having grown up in the heat of Florida, clothes in our home are an option. Always have been, always will be. It’s so m... Continue»
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room.
She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may pla... Continue»
After my first time at the sex party I was
well I'm not sure how to describe it, my confidence
was up and I felt empowered.
The parties were monthly, just about right
more frequent and they wouldn't be special
but less and I would start to stray.
For my return visit I did some shopping
I went online and did a bit of research
then purchased something special which
arrived on the morning of the party.
I have a summer dress that was ideal
lloose and flowing, slightly hippie and
a bit girlie, I felt like the flake girl in
it. I wore it with a belt low slung around my h... Continue»
Maria looked in the mirror on Saturday, October 30. This was the night every girl in her residence was probably doing the same thing. Looking in the mirror at their scantily clad reflection and wondering about the nights activities.
Maria was heading downtown to a local strip of bars that always had the best costume parties and the best dance music in the city. Her girlfriends were all getting ready around her but she couldn’t hear them… the only thing on her mind were the last minute regrets at how sexy the reflection in the mirror looked staring back at her.
Her smooth Italian skin loo... Continue»
It was the last day of school, we just finished taking the final exam and I was the last one to hand in my paper, I had already finished but wanted to hand it out last. All the students were gone and I was the only one left with at least 45 minutes to go before it was officially over. The teacher, Mrs. McElroy, was sitting at her desk reading a novel; I was sitting in the second row in the middle of the room. I watched her for a few more seconds and got up, walked up to her and handed her my paper. “How do you think you did James?” she asked pulling down her glasses right over her nose, stared... Continue»
Going back in time to give the first woman her first orgasm...hey, somebody had to do it...
Eve (A true story...OK, maybe not)
Hello people. Hope you are doing well out there in Fantasy Land. What, you say you are not in Fantasy Land? Oh you will be soon. Don't worry, because we are going deep into Fantasy Land. So deep, we may never return. And believe me, you will go to Fantasy Land with me. Even if I have to pick you up and sling you over my shoulder. So come with me, to Fantasy Land.
It all started innocently enough one fine day back in the eighties. If you recall f... Continue»
I had joined Level 4 the previous week, thanks to
sponsorship from my friend, Ted, who had been a member
for several months. My membership card arrived in
Wednesday's mail, and I was eager to try it out. I
called Ted, and we arranged to meet in the bar at 9 p.m.
on Friday night.
After a few moment's conversation, we went up the
stairs to the topless club and headed for the restrooms.
Nobody paid any attention to us, not with dancers on
stage. Ted knocked on the door marked "Manager" and we
were admitted. Our membership was checked again by one
bouncer and the... Continue»