Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 71

THE MYSTERY OF THE BATON ROUGE

The name's Jack Wayne. I'm a private detective. It all began on a
sweltering Friday in June. I was sitting behind my desk thumbing
through a paperback of "9 & 1/2 Weeks" and sipping a glass of
bourbon when my secretary stuck her head into the office.

"Hey, Jack." she said in an annoying tone. "Jack, put the book
down for a minute!"

"What is it with you?" I growled. "You always butt in right when
I'm getting to the best page, Betty!"

"Excuse me for interrupting your reading hour!" she replied,
tossing ... Continue»
Posted by meatloaf90 6 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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Wasted Beauty

So i was walking home from a house party with my friend quite recently and as we was about to turn down the alleyway towards our area of residence we noticed two women on the side of the road just up from the alleyway. Being extremely pissed we thought it would be a great idea to as a laugh ask them to follow us. We walked into the alleyway only to turn round and see both of them slowly following us, we knew ful well what they was, the scum of the sex industry, street hookers addicted to some sort of d**g. Nevertheless in our cuurrent state we found the situation hilarious and shouted up to th... Continue»
Posted by Love_To_Eat_Pussy 6 years ago  |  Categories: Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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Don't trust an online Mistress!!

Sorry for the spelling but I'm just a dumb sissy blond bimbo!

Don't trust an online Mistress!!

As I write this my cock is in a pink chastity cage, but Miss says I'm not to call it a cock now. I have to call my cock, my sissy clitty. I used to have a big ish cock, when hard just over 6 inches long and real thick with a huge vain. Now my clitty is locked up, with the smallest pink chastity cage imported from China. Mistress D shows it to anyone who will look!


When they laugh at me I have tried to tell them that before I was caged my clitty was above average, they just laugh even... Continue»
Posted by DogAndOwnersCdBitch 10 months ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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d***k Sex on the Beach -- Part 1

She was so d***k. She thought the girls that brought her along were her friends, but they weren't. If they were, they'd have never let me drag her away from the fire.

I was a gatecrasher. I hadn't expected to be at any party, I didn't really know too many people in this city apart from my house-mates. I work at a local drive-through liquor store. Late one night a bunch of immature, loud-mouthed lads came through and told us about a beach party they were going to. I was on the 'early' shift, I finished at 11pm just as they came in to stock their trunk. The whole world was their friend just ... Continue»
Posted by PureCoffee 4 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
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ROADSIDE ATTRACTION--Part 1

Lita had been driving across the country for hours and she was exhausted. All she wanted was a stiff drink and a good night's sl**p. She drove a couple more miles before coming across a bar on one side of the road, and a motel on the other. "Perfect!" she said out loud. She pulled into the parking lot, turned off the engine and got out of the car, locking it behind her.

As soon as she walked in the bar, Lita noticed two things....great music and nothing but women. She thought, 'A lesbian bar? No way!' She had always wanted to go to a lesbian bar, so she was rather excited. She sat d... Continue»
Posted by squirtlover33 4 years ago  |  Categories: Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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BEST Job Interview

I got to the job interview early; I used the time to go over everything I think they would ask. The secretary called me in and showed me to the head HR lady’s office. She looked to be in mid to late 50s and didn’t even stand up to shake my hand… “Mr. Sam” she said pulling her glasses down slightly over the bridge of her nose “I regret to inform you that the position you applied for has been filled, we… tried contacting you by phone and via email, but none of them seemed to work … cause here you are” “I…”, “I’ll tell you what” she moved the papers that were in the middle of the desk to the left... Continue»
Posted by dlbiblkm 1 year ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
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Funny blowjob in a nerd's car

Hello everyone, this is my first story here... This is a real one, i haven't many of them to tell so in the future i could switch to fantasy. I'm also not english so tell me about my writing :-p
By now: here the facts. I was 23 and i broke up with my boyfriend after almost 1 year, i was very sad, angry and, must admit, cock-hungry.
That night a good friend of mine held a birthday party in a nightclub, we danced and had a very good time, drinking much. Aware of me being a good drinker, my friend drove me to the party. There, however, she found a very handsome man to go home with, and asked me... Continue»
Posted by Bailight 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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Peeping tom

Last week I was ready for a girls nite out with my best girlfriend but once again her husband decided to ruin it all by getting sick so she opted to stay home and take care of him instead:(((. So all alone and nothing to do I got on xhamster and started watching a little bit'o'porn playing with my increasingly wet pussy. Well about 10 or 15 minutes into taking care of myself I realized that i had forgotten to draw my shades shut....oops..... When I looked out I could see into my neighbors window and there he was staring right into my window. Cock in hand an just. Pulling away at it. Well i ... Continue»
Posted by torreyann 5 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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Breakup sex with my girlfriends s****r

The day was not starting out very well for me. As I walked out to my car I found a note on the windshield from my girlfriend Sheila. In her note she said she was breaking up with me. She didn't give a reason, just that we were through and she was moving on. This upset me quite a bit and I couldn't imagine what could have possibly brought this on. In hopes of getting an answer and maybe setting things right again I jumped in my car and headed for her house. As I drove I tried to think it through, Sheila and I had been together for nearly a year, and we always did things together going out to ea... Continue»
Posted by querico44 3 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
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I love a girl who loves to suck dick! (True story)

This is my first story on here...

Please comment and tell me about similar events. (if you want more info i will be happy to inbox and share)

So i been on a social site on my cell for about 4 years now called moco. I have had all types of women of there from big to small, ugly to fine, short to tall. That damn moco have got me more ass than any other site.
So im in the "near me" chat room to holla at the local chicks around a month ago and this girl has "my lips your dick" on a pic of her's and licking her lips. So i shot at her "you must really like sucking dick..." she like " hell yea... Continue»
Posted by DFreaky1 5 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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A Visit to Beverlee's Hillls

Working in the consumer electronics industry since the 1980’s I would go to Las Vegas every January for the CES show. I worked for a company that always had us stay at the Sands Casino and Convention center, which happened to be the same place the Adult Entertainment Expo was held, running concurrent to the CES show. This is a true story.

This afforded many of us the opportunity to meet various porn stars who stayed at the same hotel. We would also slip into their expo and, meet stars and collect autographs. Since I started doing this in the ‘80s, I met actors and actre... Continue»
Posted by nvision 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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The Audition 2

The Audition Part 2 "Ready Jane"


"Pull down your panties and set them beside you on the floor." Bella ordered

She then had me stand by the biggest of the two beds where she unbuttoned the top part of my dress. Bella fixed it so you could see my bra but not enough
so you could tell my breasts were fake. Next she hoisted up the bottom of the dress so my penis was visable. With all this touching going on from such a pretty lady it was already getting longer and harder by the millisecond.

***********************************************************************... Continue»
Posted by loriannthetran 6 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Gay Male, Sex Humor  |  
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xhamster community news

It was quite a surprise when we realised that
Tina was actually ChristineAnger. The photo that
gave it away was one on a BDSM series that she
uploaded a few weeks ago. Her face was hidden
behind her long auburn hair and a blindfold and
ball gag. Her Arms stretched wide and high in
a restraining frame. And her body covered in
deep weals from a vicious whipping she had just
received. But the tattoo was unmistakable, The
letter O with a naked bound girl circled by a whip.
I called Sue over and she was a bit shocked, "Oh, Tina
is a naughty girl" This led us to look more clos... Continue»
Posted by celcus 6 years ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
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Tight Huh?

A man picks up a hooker and tells her that he wants to see a sample of what he might get before he spends his hard earned money. The slut, feeling very confident spreads her legs and says, "Put your hand all the way in," which the man does.

Impressed, the man is ready to plunk down the cash when she says, "Put your other hand all the way in too." Once both his hands are all the way in she says, "Now spread your hands apart." As the man attempts to spread his hands apart she says proudly, "Tight Huh?"... Continue»
Posted by berndog24 6 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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A cucumber, a Penis and an Olive...!!

A cucumber, an olive and a penis are talking.

The cucumber says "I hate my life, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me in salad."

The olive says "That's nothing, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me on pizza."

The penis says "You think you have it bad, when I get big fat and juicy they put me in a bag, throw me in a cave, shut the door and leave me there till I throw up"

... Continue»
Posted by papa61 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Dear Dirty Diary - part 10

Dear Dirty Diary,

A week had passed and Doug announced the completion of our new bed. I checked out all its clothing drawers, the sliding compartments in the headboard and its bed linen bin at its foot. I ran my fingers all over its satin-finished pine and had to admit it was really handsome. My husband had done a beautiful job, but I was concerned with how we’d transport it to Quebec. He told me it was all assembled with deck screws and could be easily broken down into pieces. He said the drawers, filled with all our clothing and bedding could be stacked on top of the framework pieces.... Continue»
Posted by AdorableLaura 5 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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Dear Dirty Diary - part 12

Dear Dirty Diary,

My darling husband returned today after his five day, late September fishing trip to Schooner Lake. After thorough questioning it turned out he’d gotten a little apprehensive being all alone up there amongst the wailing loons and spirits of dead Algonquin Indians. He swears there’s some kind of energy around the fire pit on the island that spooks him. So he drove back down to the condo to visit the k**s. On the way down from Plevna, he went to a Saturday night concert at Peterborough and saw Lisa Brokop perform. I was so pissed, but when he pulled out a signed copy ... Continue»
Posted by AdorableLaura 5 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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His Majesty

When flaccidly resting his mock impotence is taken for granted, lack of excitement showing in his diminished size. Where does his mass disappear to? He looks peaceful lying there silent, patient, waiting for a feeling that he is needed or some sign of interest from a female. Until then he will lie restfully limp.
Then suddenly, as if to show that he is alive, he wakes. Rising tall and straight out of the surroundings. No slow waking, no delay. He springs to life. Nothing to everything in an instant. His size increases to double its proportion immediately.
His head, slightly larger than th... Continue»
Posted by Testdriver 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Valentines

You know I'm going to say what every single person out there is thinking but lack the testicular fortitude to say. I fucking hate Valentines Day. I'm not even sure if I hate it worse when I'm single or when I'm in a relationship. I mean sure when I'm in single I have to look around at all the happy couples, I have to watch girls go crazy as they get flowers delivered to the office. I have to watch guys nervously make last second arrangements and of course I have to face the fact that everybody but me is getting some goddamn pussy. If I'm in a relationship I'm just one of those guys scrambling ... Continue»
Posted by pornofiend 5 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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WILL'S FANTASY PART 1

I come to be with you in USA.
You take me to your home and we talk as you get me settled in the guest room.
Wanting to take things slow till we both feel ready for more.
We grow closer as the days go by and I know what I want.
I go to the garage to help you fix the car ,wearing a dress and bringing a small hamper of snacks (short bread biscuits,strawberries ,whipped cream and chocolate sauce )for later ...
I stand there ,in the door way ,smiling as you tell me I am not dressed for garage work...
You hand me overalls...
I look into your eyes & smile at you then drop my gaze & gigg... Continue»
Posted by JerseyBean 5 years ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Fetish, Sex Humor  |  
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