Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 70

The Italiano..!!

An Italian man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant and while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting at a nearby table. ...Alone. He calls the waiter over and asks for the most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her, knowing that if she accepts it, she will be his. The waiter gets the bottle and quickly takes it to her saying who it came from. She looks at the bottle and decides to send a note over to the man. The note said "For me to accept this bottle, you must have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank , and 7 inches in your pants.." ... Continue»
Posted by papa61 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 617  |  
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Bad girl Jade more shed fun with the chav lads

I have had to stay indoors due to my s****r’s bad behaviour(and my lack of supervision of her). Im 24(25 next week oh I feel old lol) but as I have said before am treated like a k** but still free rent so I can’t moan too much.

Anyway this meant I was not able to get my usual chav lad fix. However I was determined to get fucked off their bad cocks. They knew where I lived and knew it would be a matter of time before they came around to give me a good seeing to.

I was in my bedroom getting dressed for bed when I heard a knock on my window. I knew it was them and was really excited as I ... Continue»
Posted by Erocus 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 152  |  
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[b]The Sticky Dance Floor[/b]

Damn, I hated the noise. No matter where you went, it was the same. Somehow, the deejays around the world must have all gone to the same identical music store. There, they learned to turn the volume up until it hurt and loudspeakers only produced distortion.

Even here at the bar, it was near impossible to hear the barmaid. She showed me four fingers, meaning four dollars for my beer. I wondered what sign she would make for five dollars and seventy-five cents? She was a beautiful woman with reddish hair and a little bit shorter than me. Maybe five foot six. Like most barmaids, she was dresse... Continue»
Posted by vstein 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  Views: 754  |  
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I loved those nipples

I was on holiday in Greece, and one of the bonuses is that topless sunbathing is commonplace. I would sit by the hotel pool, with my mirrored shades on, watchng the girls and admiring the variety of naked breasts.

I had noticed a German girl, maybe about 19 or so, on holiday with her parents (!) They would just sprawl on sun loungers all day and fry. The girl was clearly totally bored by the situation. She would sit by the pool edge, training a leg in the water and reading a book, occasionally getting up and wandering off for an hour or so, before returning.

She was no great looker, tall... Continue»
Posted by adam2010 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 1136  |  
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My Physiologist

I went to see my male physiologist to talk about the wet dream I am having. Here is how I had explained the dream, 'I was playing a role as a sexy housewife to my husband, I am wearing nothing underneath my bathrode. I just finish taking a hot bubble bath, my pussy was still soak and wet, my husband is laying on the bed watching TV with his dick stand out of his underpant. I took off my bathrode, walk over to my husband, and begin to suck on his hard rock dick. I suck his dick like a lollipop, I can feel his head going toward my deep throat. Slurping, and licking on his dick nice and fast... Continue»
Posted by hotblackpussy42 4 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 1012  |  
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(Poetry) I Long for You

This is the time during the night that I miss you most of all.
When you’re here licking my cock and sucking on my balls.
I can hear your erotic cries and I can hear you having a fit,
I can hear you losing your mind whenever I’m sucking on your clit.

I feel your breath upon my skin, your eyes locked into me.
Although the room is very dark, I wonder what you see.
Your soft caress reaches out, touching me as I touch you,
My fingers reach your lava hot snatch as I start to finger you.

I hear you moan my name as you move about,
Then I fingered you even harder as you cried out loud.
I ... Continue»
Posted by Sinatra877 3 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 2498  |  
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taboo sex?!! you decide.....

one fact about hispanic teens in hispanic countries, that is taboo is as follow: Teens (hispanics) from 13 and 25 and even well in their adult hood, when they start discovering their bodies, they get help from other teens of the same sex, mostly in the male gender, they would learn how to give oral sex. they will start with jerk off circles or two somes, the obvious gay ones, would be the ones who would give oral sex and mostly the one who would take it up the ass. If these teens don't find a wife, or can't find a girlfriendwhile in their mid thirties, they will continue this type of sex well ... Continue»
Posted by m2t3eros100 2 years ago  |  Categories: Gay Male, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  Views: 1649  |  
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Our Life As A Couple

Continued on from my story.

so christmas has come and gone.

It was a rather hectic one. 24-27th of christmas at my parents house and the 27th-30th was at my darling bappys. so many good memories. so much to catch up on eh.

over the christmas period i'd come to realize all relationships were based around sex even if they say it doesn't. women use it for their own advantage, men use it as a release of pressure and its been proven in my relationship recently. christmas came with a strawberry flavour and some dirty talk driving the parents to leaving the house as soon as they heard the b... Continue»
Posted by maaao 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 214  |  
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8 Ways to Feel Closer After Sex

Take a moment to think about what you and your guy usually do after sex. Chances are, it’s sl**p, eat, or flip on the TV. Not exactly romantic, especially considering that the few hours afterward are one of the best times to bond. “When you orgasm, hormones are released that make you feel more connected,” says clinical sexologist Rachael Ross, MD, PhD. “Take advantage of that by doing things to prolong the feeling.” But that doesn’t mean intense conversations or eye gazing—little gestures can reap big benefits. Try these tips tonight.

1. If you’re hungry, forgo ordering a pizza and instead... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 3 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 439  |  
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The Punishment - Short Story

Lucy Sky, 24, happily married with two c***dren, had a very straight religious up-bringing. She learned already very early in life, that as a true believer you have to condemn the sin but to love the sinner - and she definitely seems to love both of them equally. She is a conqueror, a temptress and a teaser, but only in her erotic fantasies:

»You were masturbating in the dormitory again - s****r Noris heard you! How many cautions did you get already?« »Two, Father Anselm!« »And: do you confess?« »Oh yeah, Father Anselm, I do?« »So: all my prayers were in vain? You still are a naughty woma... Continue»
Posted by sushicook 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 431  |  
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Vibration Platform Fitness Machine Product Review

A few months ago my husband and I looked at all different brands of the vibration platform physical fitness machines displayed at a Zoomer Show. After testing all of the exercise positions shown on the visual guide (particularly the sitting ones), I decided that the Turbovibe Light suited my personal requirements the best. I particularly liked the dual motors concept and the flexibility of the electronic remote programming features. All of the other machines at the show had a complex superstructure that I felt impeded diagonal access to the plate area, thus limiting my inventive routines.

S... Continue»
Posted by AdorableLaura 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 384  |  
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Fun During Gym Part 1 <3

I stand in front of the mirror with my popular group of friends which stand beside me, making sure their tits are plunged out for the boys and makeup/ hair is perfect. I'm the leader of the popular possy because I'd been friends with them all the time. Sydney, the sexy latina with a curved ass, Meghan, the hot blonde with the smooth stomach, Hailey, the perfect blue eyed sex goddess with the huge tits, and me, Taylor, the beautiful long blonde hair, perfect curved ass and huge sexy tities. (The word "tities" makes me laugh all the time XD). My best friend Sydney comes from behind me after chan... Continue»
Posted by milli214 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 1863  |  
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My Sexy Saali(s****r-in-Law)

Mera nam Preetam hai. Meri umar 19 saal ki hai. Ghar par mere alawa kewal mere bhaiya Mohan aur bhabhi Anu hi hain. 2 saal pahle bhaiya ki shaadi huyee hai. Bhabi maayke gayee thi. Bhabhi jab wapas aayee to unke saath unki chhoti bahan Sapna bhi hamare ghar aayee. Wo bahut hi khoobsurat aur bahut hi chanchal thi. Uski umar lagbhag 17 saal ki thi. Wo mujhe bhi jija kahti thi aur bahut mazak karti thi. Bhabhi ne use mere room ke bagal wala room de diya tha. Ek din raat ko main bathroom jaa raha tha to maine dekha wo bahut hi dhyan se key hole se bhaiya ke room mein dekh rahi thi. Gallery mein ek... Continue»
Posted by fuckutonight 2 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 310  |  
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My virgin girlfriend

Okay I've read a lot of shit hear and by that I mean absolute shit. It's the difference between things that are so "porn fantasy" and the reality of sexual encounters - no matter how freaky that are totally true. This is one of those true stories.
I was a senior in high school. I had been a foreign exchange student for a year living in Brasil. Many stories can come from that adventure. I was 17 years old and I was a typical teenager - girl crazy. I had dates and fun but to be true I had never really had anything like a sex before. I had a couple of girls let me after much physical persuasion... Continue»
Posted by ccbigs 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  Views: 1319  |  
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Spring Break At Home

Please comment on this story. It’s my first one and I would like to write more about the things that I’ve done and improve on how to write. Thanks for reading my fellow perverts!

In my fam I’m the youngest of 5, 2 guys & 3 girls. Daddy was always out of town working, mama was usually with friends playing bingo, or some other mom bullshit. I’m pretty sure she was cheating with someone because we all knew daddy was fucking around. He was previously married with several k**s, plus 2 other k**s from flings that we found out about years later. He was pretty easy going with my bros, but us girls... Continue»
Posted by tx69d33 6 months ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 2365  |  
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Having Fun With Dad Under The Covers

My name is Sean and when this story took placed I had just turned s*******n years old. I had short blond hair, blue eyes and was thin. I lived with my mom, dad and b*****r Mike in a house we have lived in for most of my life. My mom works a lot as a nurse so it was usually just my dad, b*****r and I at home during the night. My dad was tall and heavy with a stocky build and was nice most of the time but when he got upset he really got pissed. Usually when our dad went upstairs to bed my b*****r and I would always turn off all of the lights and watch movies until we went to sl**p. Most of the t... Continue»
Posted by vanilla_gorilla699 6 months ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Taboo  |  Views: 16250  |  
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My first Pussy-sort of...

In my messages I received a lot of positive feedback from my first experience, so here is the rest of the month. Again, this is the beginning of my sexual life and it is true.

After I had my first orgasm with Ron, I was pretty much insatiable. I still had no clue how to satisfy myself; that is to say I had no idea I could jack myself off. I only thought that Ron possessed this magical power. However, it seemed my dick was perpetually hard as all twelve year old boys are. And I could not stop thinking about sex: in the classroom, on the paper route, doing my homework, I was a wreck. I was co... Continue»
Posted by mahuluvr 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  Views: 432  |  
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The Librarian

This story isn't mine, but a story that she told me a while back.

The public library had seen many people pass through its glorious marbled halls throughout the years. The people came and went. They were of all shapes, sizes, colors, and ages. Some were dreading their time among the rows and rows of books, and others stayed for hours, relaxing in the peace and quiet of the adult section on the second floor.

Isabelle worked as a full-time librarian. The monotony of stacking books and selling those that were too worn to be borrowed again never discontented her. She was the typical ... Continue»
Posted by candyrockhard 1 year ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  Views: 10058  |  
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The Coleman Pop-Up Camper Money Maker

Once Upon a time in a soutern backwood farming and mining community lived poor uneducated folk. I grew up as most young ladies do minding my parents, and taking those sticky tractor rides with paw, as he plowed the fields, and planted his seeds in the tiny rows. It always put a smile on his face as well as mine to be such a special helper. Keeping the field weeded was always a chore.

Then the city over opened a water park, and of course they charged money. So my b*****r came up with the idea that he would have his firends cum over to the trailer after they got done doing their chores. ... Continue»
Posted by WombDweller 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Taboo  |  Views: 2717  |  
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Hot Sex

We had spicy egg fried rice for dinner last night, chef sat in the living room chopping the veg and chillies ready for the rice that was sat steaming on the hob. Fast forward ten minutes to me being accosted on the stairs on route for a quick pre dinner bath. Sex on the stairs is always a good thing, there's something wonderfully naughty about having sex in a none sex designated zone .He ripped my jeans off, slammed me down on my back and slid his cock straight up inside me. If we had left it there we would have been fine. However sexy genius here decided it would be fun to taste herself ... Continue»
Posted by duggie666 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 627  |  
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