Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 7
The Italian Job 4
As I opened my bedroom door I met a sight that made my cock jump again, the maid was in the room but she was bent over cleaning the coffee table, with her back to the door, I could not help noticing I assure you that I could see straight up her dress, she was wearing a thong that had pulled up right into her crack with her vulva lips on each side of it framing it, I could not resist such an apparent invitation, I came behind her, she had not seen or heard me because she had got her iPod on and her earphones in, I sank to my knees behind her, slid my hands around her thighs a... Continue»
After getting some pizza and soda, I headed back home to think this over. If my thoughts were really controlling people then I have 3 basic questions. 1) How far can I push my ability? 2) How many people can I control at one time? And 3) How far can I push them? I wanted to bug the girl next door again, but she had something important in the morning. As I was walking into my apartment a very busty, full figured redhead steamed out of the front door. She nearly knocked me over in her haste and haughtily apologized. "Hold on beautiful. whats the rush?" She rolled her beautiful green eyes and sa... Continue»
She stirred and pressed the bell beside her bed, the maid came in carrying a bottle of water and a bottle of wine with glasses, she set them down on the coffee table and left snatching a brief glance in my direction, I moved to the bed and poured some water for both of us then handed Roseanna a glass she was quieter now and more settled, I put the sheet over her, leaned down and kissed her, she opened her eyes, they were glazed, she turned her face up to me and I kissed her on the mouth as her tongue came out seeking mine, my cock lurched and we were up and running again.
OK!!!!!, OK I’ll t... Continue»
The Italian Job 6
This story contains some reference to what can only be described as c***d abuse so if you are of a nervous disposition or hate anything of this nature then close it now but as it is a part of the overall tale then I must tell it, I apologise in advance if I offend anyone, it is not intentional.
I returned to the village and as suspected faced an inquisition from Maria, she wanted to know all about my weekend with Rosanna, what was her house like?, did she really live alone?, was it wild sex?, was anyone else there?, and last but not least did I prefer Roseanna to Maria or ... Continue»
The Italian Job 7
Earlier in the story I told you about my visit to Czechoslovakia and the fact that the people were so curious well! I am going to put this story in here as I have already mentioned it and it is a bit lighter than the last one and may I hope go some way to helping you to forgive me if I have offended any of you.
It was still Czechoslovakia in those days and the company I was working for as a commissioning engineer had sold some equipment to an industry there, everything came under the banner of Skoda Industries, and I had to go there because the engineer who had started the ... Continue»
A lot of women love have their pussy licked as much as or even more than having a cock fill their cunt. And if you have a man who loves to go downtown every chance he can get, great! But what do you do if your man either won't do it, won't do it right or long enough or if he treats pussylicking as something obligatory and a mere prelude to sticking his cock up your twat? Well, don't just complain. As a guy who LOVES to give head, here's some advice about what you can do to get your man to adore eating you for as long as you can stand! First of all,
1. Initiate Sex:
Are you horny? Do ... Continue»
Want to perk up your love life? Well, then start from the kitchen with food that will give you the oomph factor, says an expert.
Hormone and anti-ageing specialist Cecilia Tregear says that sex plays an important role in making people look and feel younger.
Tregear, who is based at the Wimpole Skin Clinic in Harley Street, London, has worked with hundreds of couples over the course of her 25-year career.
"The couples who were having lots of regular sex almost always looked younger than those who weren't. They were also slimmer, fitter, healthier and happier. Sexual activity, in my vie... Continue»
lol when i first lost my virginity it was so cool. my cousin and b*o set it up all for me. it was one night in oshkosh wisconsin i went up to my cousin apartment and we were all chillin smoking and drinking and it was this thick redbone from millwakue wisconsin- boi was she thick. anyway everybody leave the room and we're talking.
She say, "let's see what you tawking about" and im like, "aight" so she say, "let's go in the room" and im like, "ight" so knwing us we go in the room and start kissing. im tipsy off the Amsterdam and her tongue all on my mine while were kissing and shit. lol ... Continue»
Are you drinking the water or the wave?
The midget, whose name was Markoff Chaney, was no relative of the famous Chaneys of Hollywood, but people did keep making jokes about that. It was bad enough to be, by the standards of the gigantic and stupid majority, a freak; much worse to be so named as to remind those big oversized clods of cinema's two most famous portrayers of monster-freaks. By the time the midget was fifteen, he had built up a detestation for ordinary mankind that dwarfed (he hated the word) the relative misanthropies of Paul of Tarsus, Clement of Alexandria or Swift of Dubli... Continue»
Half a mile away, a thin needle pointing toward the sky, stood the office of Pussycat magazine, and on the tenth floor Senior Editor Josh Dill was puzzling over the latest vacation memo from personnel. "This is the worst piece of idiocy I've ever seen, " he complained to his secretary. "It looks like it was written by a computer having a nervous breakdown. Listen to this gibberish:
'Half a man-day shall not be equal to half a day unless the man is actually in the office for the full day, or half of a full day, as the case may be. (This also applies to female employees. '
What t... Continue»
The Italian job 10
I must have dropped off to sl**p because the next thing I knew she was poking me in the ribs saying “come on sl**py, time to wake up” she said “I have some coffee for you” “what time is it” I said “10.00pm, we slept for 2 hours but I feel fantastic, you certainly managed to fill my void, thank you! not only for the sex but for making me feel like a real live woman again, the way your cock reacts to my nakedness is refreshing” she purred “you should get naked more often then” I said to her, she looked at me “are you saying you want to fuck me again?” she asked “ I don’t have... Continue»
The California Board of Education meeting once again ran late into the night. The stale air became stifling in the August evening, as the air conditioning units had been shut down over an hour ago. Tempers started to flare, as discussions had become as hot as the California sunshine. Arguments were heard and heard again with no end in sight.
"Look," said the chairman flatly, "we have to find a solution and soon. The dropout rate in the Southern California School system is at an all time high. Attendance rates are the worst in decades. Our federal funding is in jeopardy. If we don't fix this... Continue»
Pete and Joe have been friends all their lives. As such, they have shared quite a bit in the 30 or so odd years they have known each other. They shared a neighborhood. They shared a school. They shared friends. They shared the same d***ken babe the night of their first sexual experience. They now share an apartment, and in a few minutes they will be sharing a pizza.
"You did order the pizza," Pete asks quizzically, "right Joe?"
"Yea, I ordered the damn pizza."
"Extra sausage?" Pete asks.
"I got your sausage," says Joe sarcastically.
"What's taking Jose so long, he's usually... Continue»
We rested awhile, lying in the soft grass under a warm spring sun. It was my idea of a perfect place to fuck. I imagined how going to this place as a teen would have made me grow up a very different person.
Soon, we started the walk back toward camp. We stopped several times, and Max pointed out some of the interesting flowers and trees around us. At one stop, Max turned to face the side of the trail and started to pee into a bush. He held his cock casually in one hand and just let it flow.
“I wish I could do that,” I commented. I really had to pee. “I shoulda gone before w... Continue»
Man pretends to be a woman on an adult story/chat site...
SilkPanties22 (Fourth stab at humor in sex)
One of my newfound hobbies, so to speak, is reading and writing sex fantasy stories on a sex fantasy website. It is a site I stumbled across while innocently reading an article on sex fantasy.
Since joining the site I have found myself fascinated by the number and variety of sex fantasies. It has provided me with countless hours of entertainment. Reading people's fantasies is sort of a way to get into their minds unobserved. I even wrote a few of my own.
Reading t... Continue»
I'm sure this is a true story...for somebody...
Johnny And Mary, A True Story...
Now Johnny knew Mary since they were little tykes,
Running in the field, riding their bikes,
Like other little k**s, they stayed out all day,
Doing their chores, later they'll play,
Johnny and Mary went to school,
Tried real hard, act real cool,
Johnny noticed Mary started to grow real fine,
Nice firm breasts, big behin',
Johnny thought he'd take him a chance,
He asked Mary to the high school dance,
Mary said fine, pick me up at eight,
Dress real sharp, now don't be late,
The Italian Job 11
I awoke again about 07.30, it took a few seconds to get my bearings then there was a stirring in my groin and I realised I was spooned up with her again, she turned as she woke bringing her face very close to mine in the bed, I straightened my legs down the bed and she brought her hips into me, passing a leg onto the top of mine, she had her eyes open and she was watching me “are you ok this morning?” she asked “I feel terrific” I replied “ any second thoughts or regrets?” she continued “why should there be?” I countered “last night you had sex with a woman who could be you... Continue»
Igot shouted waving the letter at his wife Her-Peas. She could see it looked official but as she hadn’t read it, couldn’t tell what it was even though her husband was wafting it around like some demented swan trying to take off.
“I don’t know dear, she smiled
“It’s only a letter from Pen.E. Sillen and Aunty Biotics they are planning to marry. It’s a big enough disgrace to the f****y that she married that Biotics bloke but a Sillen.
Igot was pacing up and down. He very rarely became ruffled and was normally a very smooth operator. That was one of the reasons Her-... Continue»
This is another true story from a year in college that had a series of unusual sexual and fun incidents that occurred after a summer of not getting laid due to a work schedule that put me out of touch with my network of friends.
Keri, the girl from my story “Jan Curing My Summer Sex Drought” was starting to attend my college a few weeks after my encounter with Jan at the party, where Keri’s advances were frustrated by Jan’s bold move to burst into the bathroom and give me an ambush fuck.
Keri was a cute blonde with a nice body who I pretty much ignored during high school, but what I ... Continue»
This was actually a song writing attempt from the 90's...hence the odd form...
I Wish I Knew
Where did you come from, who are you?
Where do you live, what do you do?
Did we share a bottle, did we share a drink?
Did we discuss what each of us think?
But you're lying next to me all the same,
I just wish I could remember your name.
How did you get here, did you drive your car?
Or did we meet in that corner bar?
Did I walk you home, did I hold the door?
Did you find me interesting or another bore?
But you're lying next to me all the same,
I just wish I could rememb... Continue»