Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 69

Valentines

You know I'm going to say what every single person out there is thinking but lack the testicular fortitude to say. I fucking hate Valentines Day. I'm not even sure if I hate it worse when I'm single or when I'm in a relationship. I mean sure when I'm in single I have to look around at all the happy couples, I have to watch girls go crazy as they get flowers delivered to the office. I have to watch guys nervously make last second arrangements and of course I have to face the fact that everybody but me is getting some goddamn pussy. If I'm in a relationship I'm just one of those guys scrambling ... Continue»
Posted by pornofiend 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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WILL'S FANTASY PART 1

I come to be with you in USA.
You take me to your home and we talk as you get me settled in the guest room.
Wanting to take things slow till we both feel ready for more.
We grow closer as the days go by and I know what I want.
I go to the garage to help you fix the car ,wearing a dress and bringing a small hamper of snacks (short bread biscuits,strawberries ,whipped cream and chocolate sauce )for later ...
I stand there ,in the door way ,smiling as you tell me I am not dressed for garage work...
You hand me overalls...
I look into your eyes & smile at you then drop my gaze & gigg... Continue»
Posted by JerseyBean 4 years ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Fetish, Sex Humor  |  
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Jan 1973 Bondi Beach

This is only part of a WORK IN PROGRESS


As the singer was exhorting the crowd to take part, she took three steps in my direction and smiled even more. She said the line perfectly in tune "I looked at you" and I answered, "You looked at me" and we both laughed. Another miracle, this was a girl who liked The Doors almost as much as I did. “I smiled at you," she said, and again I answered, "You smiled at me." At the exact moment the band on stage finished their intro to the war song both of us sang together, "And we're on OUR way."
Everyone in the crowd heard it and wonde... Continue»
Posted by DocW 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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Jamie


They hadn't been married long. Still in the newlywed stage of things. They had, however, settled into a happy routine. Joe's only wish for Jamie - that she be a little more demanding in the bedroom. Jamie was shy, almost timid, not sure of herself when it came to asking for what she wanted. While making love, Joe would try to bring Jamie out of her shell, get her move vocal and involved. Did she like to be touched here? What position felt best? Jamie would try but it was still difficult for her. Joe loved her and accepted that he would always be the more dominant in their relationship. Or n... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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A Day in the park or How NOT to take sexy self pot

A couple days ago I was feeling kind of bad because I had dumped on a guy I had been chatting with. I started thinking, what could I do to make it up to him. Suddenly I knew, I'll take some pictures just for him! It was a nice day outside so I thought - an outdoor shoot would give both of us a thrill! He knows I tend to be an exhibitionist so I ran upstars and picked out my outfit. I choose a short blue jean skirt and T-shirt with no panties, partly to get me in the mood and partly because I knew he would like the view.
I planned on doing it in my backyard but as I went to the back doo... Continue»
Posted by uwqgqfrm 3 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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Perfect girlfriend has a big sex drive!

Apart from this, the perfect girlfriend is a career-minded woman who earns more than their partner but at the same time wants to stay at home and bring up the c***dren.

The clue to these seemingly contradictory demands lies in the men polled, 3,000 bachelors.

Near the top of their girlfriend checklist is the requirement that she should have a "pert bottom" – which may explain why they are still single.

And while three-quarters of the men polled said their ideal woman would keep her weight in check, 89 per cent also wanted her to tuck into a big meal without worrying. These perfect ... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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The Italian Job 9

The Italian Job 9
Now to return to Italy, you remember that Maria had told me all about the situation when her father and uncle ****d her and I hope by now you have all forgiven me.
I got a phone call one morning at the factory, a strange sounding woman’s voice that asked me to meet her at the factory the following night, I asked what it was about and the voice just said it was a query on my contract, I then asked why it could not be dealt with during the day and she said she was out of town and would not be back till the evening and hoped it would not be a problem, I talked to Maria about i... Continue»
Posted by the_priest 3 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Sex Humor  |  
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Inexcusable Love Part 1

Chapter 1~

Cranbrook Secondary.
1:17 p.m.
Friday.

"Hey Cranbrook Secondary. Here are your daily announcements. Cheerleading squad needs to be at the Lions football game at four thirty for practices before the B.C. Lions play Chicago. If you want my advice guys, bring a camera-" laughing in the background- "and now for the choir. Hey Choir students, wondering if there are any extra try outs? Fortunately, yes! Try outs start after school at three o' five so be there sharp! Lastly,grade twelve drama singing tryouts-" I straightened my back to listen carefully- "will be held in the north ... Continue»
Posted by milli214 3 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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Fuck Me, You Bastards!

(Wife gets an unexpected double fucking)

My wife Shere and I had just recently moved from the city to a rural area, out in the country you might say. We had grown tired of the noise, smog, and fast pace that come with living in "the center of things." Our new home was quite a long way from any neighbors, set back against reforested mountains with a grassy plain in front. The days were hot, the evenings cool, and the sunsets gorgeous.

Shere was 37 years old and more attractive than any girl half her age. At 5 ft 5 inches she has beautiful legs that gracefully accentuate her ability to fil... Continue»
Posted by KingAmir 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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One of Those Days

It was late afternoon as Beth stepped from her office into the cool evening air. Autumn was closing in, evidenced by the goose bumps rising on her bare arms and the involuntary shiver riding up her back.

"Night Beth," her colleague, Barry called, also on his way out. "Brrrrr, you'll need to wrap up warm tonight!"

That's what he thought. Jonny, Beth's newly found beau, had preoccupied her thoughts all day. The vision of his taught naked body, powerful arms and that unbelievable penis was all the warmth she needed tonight. That was the plan anyway and she could feel herself blushing at the... Continue»
Posted by Keepitclandestine 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Milking the Love

Richard

In the morning the sun was shining right through our front room windows as I walked in wearing nothing but my gown. The carpet is very soft and the whole room was warm. Jenny was in her gown as she reached for a sheet, a large bed sheet that she folded neatly and placed on the floor as she did so she undone my gown and I got down on my hands and knees on the blanket.



Jenny

As I undone Richards gown his penis jumped out to meet me. I completely removed the gown and as Richard got in position I gently moved his legs apart to allow the air to circulate nicely ... Continue»
Posted by Torqy 3 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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Brief sex 008 In the cemetery at night

Brief sex 008


In the cemetery at night.



Ah the summer holidays when we were young, what memorable moments. This is the time when one awakens to love. In fact we think of nothing but ass girls much more than studying. That was my case, I sought every means to draw any passing petticoat. I must say that in my youth I feel that the fair were less shy. I think I've lived in good years.

I had just turned 17, but other times other manners at that age I was going on vacation with my parents. Oh it was not a hassle but they had too much on the back sometimes. That year we went to m... Continue»
Posted by CinquantNERF 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
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Hanging Around

On occasion you read about something kinky and it sounds so good you just want to try it. The first time Tonya and I did this, things didn’t quite go as they should have. Mike had left one of his pornographic magazines lying on our living room radiator and Tonya found it. We began reading through the letters in it and found one with an interesting premise. It offered both a measure of fear and arousal. We decided to try it.
The premise was for me to be nearly hanging by my balls, with my head and the tips of my toes the only support to prevent the actual suspension, while my wife performed or... Continue»
Posted by voivodevlad 3 years ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Sex Humor  |  
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the funniest conversation during sex ever

ok backround i was in a car with this guy in high school. his name was ryan. we were 17 he was like 5'4" or somthing (he was short) cute like irish/itailian boy.
red hair freckles goofy smile thick cock. any way he just came after like 2 minutes and we were talking. he was still in me lying on top of me.

him: "fuck.... im so sorry but you cant blame me the blowjob eirlier got me really... ready."

me: "yeah i guess but really like two minutes." i said sadly

him: "im sorry can we do this again sometime though"

me: "well you still have the condom on, and ur still hard and in me. can'... Continue»
Posted by Michele1234 3 years ago  |  Categories: Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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Castle: What happens next

Castle looked at his cellphone Beckett was calling. He held the machine in his hand and swiftly pressed "Ignore". As he placed it back on his glass and chrome coffee table his plasma screen murder board caught his eye. He tapped on the portrait of Detective Kate Beckett and unfolded a digital file that spiderwebbed out all the known consorts in her mothers murder. He stared at the mess of names and dates and grudgingly dragged a file icon Marked Beckett to the Digital trash can.

"Deleting file." was all the screen said.

There was a knock at the door, he slowly walked over and opened it... Continue»
Posted by Johnny_Lee_Miller 3 years ago  |  Categories: Celebrities, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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the dead girl

I had been dead three years when I pretended not to notice the man drop a pill into my white wine, but that didn't stop him from trying. It hadn't stopped the other six hundred and sixty five men who were intent on courting me in this bizarre and ungentlemanly manner and it wouldn't stop the next man or the next. My afterlife was an endless cycle of man after man. The same dirty tricks, the same wretched result. It was fascinating how repetitive it all was. There was almost nothing to keep me going anymore. Almost....

Three years ago I had gone to a college party at one of the local frat ho... Continue»
Posted by emobabygirl 2 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
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My first time tasting female juices!

First let me introduce myself...I am Jay from the beautiful city Bangalore. I am 29 yrs old male with an athletic body and nice and juicy Dick of 8 inches. I am very fond of sex and anything related to sex. You can say I am a sex maniac. I always see sexy ladies in their beautiful dresses and think of having sex with them. I started watching blue films when I was in 8th class and from then I got into the wonderful world of sex. I use to read porn literature and watch adult movies whenever I got the chance. Today I would like to share my experience with a couple which happened in Bangalore. Fro... Continue»
Posted by urpussysucker 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Group Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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"Mostly" Ghostly

Have you ever had a really bad day?

I mean a real shitfest!

Where things go from bad to worse in the blink of an eye?

First, I got fired.

Then I got dumped

And last but certainly not least, I died!

So to recap, Fired, Dumped, Dead...bummer!

You might be asking yourself..."Jack, how does a moderately healthy guy just this side of Thirty die" Well "self" maybe next time you'll unplug the toster before you try to pry out a Pillsbury Toaster Strudle with a butterknife...while high.

So yeah I got zapped with 50,000 volts and died alone in my underwear and a Spice World T-... Continue»
Posted by Johnny_Lee_Miller 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Taboo, Voyeur  |  
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How I made to orgasms to my horny teacher

It happened a long time ago when I was studying in university. I was a freshman there in the university. I had my first ever row of exams I was really freaked out to take. I had only a few days to prepare for my exams and I hadn’t had anything in my empty head. I didn’t study any of the English and I had to do that exam in order to pass to the next semester.
Professor told me to come and see her on January, 3rd. I had no time to prepare for the exam because there was too much partying and I was still a bit hangover. I had no desire to prepare myself but I still had to go and at least show up.... Continue»
Posted by urpussysucker 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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Remember when (cousin story)

During a party last week, I had a chance to catch up with one of my younger cousins. We used to be so close but with everyone going their own separate ways, we all kind of grew apart. She was the closest in age with me and we were pretty close since we liked messing with our much younger cousins.

We talked about the games we used to play and how much fun it was back in those days. With everyone hanging out in the living room, I asked my cousin if she wanted to go to my room (in the basement) and have a drink with me. I went first and turn the tv on and got a couple of beers from the fridge.... Continue»
Posted by dirtyauthor 1 year ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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