Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 68

MY FAV JOKES

Patient to doctor: The problem is that obesity runs in our f****y. Doctor to patient: No.............the problem's that no one runs in your f****y.

I was walking home late one night and saw a woman in the shadows.
"Ten pounds . ." she whispers.
I'd never been with a prostiture before, so i decided, it’s only a tenner,why not, So we hide in the bushes.
Were going at it for a minute or so when all of a sudden a light flashes on us. It’s a policeman.,"Ello ello ello,What’s going on here, " asks the officer.
"I’m making love to my wife!, " i answered indignantly.
"Oh, I’m sorry, " say... Continue»
Posted by icumonu 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 860  |  
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She Doesn't Like Girls

A few weekends ago I picked my girlfriend (as in, my friend who is a woman) up from the airport.

I met her about a month after she turned 18 and first had a threesome with her and the man we had in common upon our very first meeting. We had been chatting and flirting prior to meeting. We'd exchange pics and share our favorite porn over emails and texts, getting excited for our first meeting in a week or so. We loved the same kind of porn and we talked about how fun meeting up would be with our common lover. That was February 2012 and we are still very close friends…

When I picked her up... Continue»
Posted by Missy_X 1 year ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 1693  |  
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Bad girl returns with the chav lads

Hi

My computer fucked up so have not been online for ages. Sorry about this. Will be on msn again too.

Anyway I am back and here is another true story about me and this chav crew I go with.

I went to Jason house as well I wanted some sex and a cool time. Anyway when I got there all the other lads were there so Jamie 19, Mickey 18, Nicky 18 and Cris 18.

They were on their way to get me as they had not seen me for a few days so were getting the urge for a shag and wanted to just chill out with me as well.

We went to the back of the spar around 11pmish so it was pretty dark. T... Continue»
Posted by Erocus 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 166  |  
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Cute And Sensual School Love

As it turned out I was the highest scorer in my cbse exams of class 10 among that class, so very soon I started getting my response from teachers and friends including girls. A few of them struck me as they were very beautiful, and one of them was she. Even though I am writing this story with our mutual consent, let me not display her name, some things are better kept secret. She was a damn good looking girl, with a cute look, average height of 5.3 and a killing smile. A smile for which half the school will die for. She was among the most beautiful girls of the school. She had small boobs whic... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 377  |  
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The Beautiful Officemate


I had always eyed her from the day I joined my new company just seeing her in her tight jeans and watching her ass move man I needed that ass we soon got close and were a lovely pair, We started of the regular petting sessions me kissing her lovely lips and she responded very well always opening her mouth wide to welcome my tongue. I would scoop out the saliva from her mouth with my tongue and taste it, and she loved to do the same, soon I was asking for more and so was she but had been fucked before it had been a long time and she just wasn't ready for it. Eventually we worked out a compr... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 344  |  
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Fully Dressed

Have you and another given each other a mind blowing orgasm while fully dressed???????????????

I worked in this kitchen in Fl. and there was this waitress that would always brush her large tits and plump ass against me when ever she would pass me in the kitchen area. So we talked flirtatiously to one another for about two weeks.

One night out back taking a break she comes out and we get into a heated conversation. She noticed I had a massive hard-on and she said "I wish I could ride that cock right now". I had on a pair of loose chef pants; she had on a pair of black tight cotton/polyest... Continue»
Posted by Gehld 2 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 754  |  
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Close Call

Close Call by: KS44

I’ll start by setting the scene. It’s Saturday morning, my wife and her s****r and her daughter who were staying with us on their vacation, had gotten up early and headed out for a day of shopping and doing girl things.

I woke up to a quiet house. Getting out of bed I used the bathroom then putting on my robe, headed down the hall and into the kitchen to make some coffee. My wife had left about two cups worth in the pot but it was cold. I poured a cup and put it in the microwave to re-warm it. The microwave beeped, I took out the cup of now hot coffee, added ... Continue»
Posted by kokslut444 1 month ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  Views: 5806  |  
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Meating The Hammer Man

I turned and slowly struck a pose in profile while Dede panned around my long hard on. "Have any of you seen Hammer Man?"

"Nope!" answered Cessa.

"Oh well," I sighed. "Do you suppose while we wait one of you could, (dramatic pause) Fuck me up my ass?"

********************************************************************

It was hard to believe that this was the same place I was in several weeks ago. Gone was all the casual joking, and the laid back atmosphere. It was replaced with all kinds of tension and a strictly business attitude.

Th... Continue»
Posted by loriannthetran 4 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Gay Male, Sex Humor  |  Views: 201  |  
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HERES ANOTHER ONE FOR THE BOOKS!

* KARI'S, JAILHOUSE SWANK!!!






------ Looking to get layed, Huh, Babe? Do you need me, Now, Want to get loud, and feeling proud? I know you want this, and I have it! So, come ready, and with it! Just, got to love this, "Shi... Continue»
Posted by JUICYBOX 4 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 547  |  
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SPITFIRE

Shannon Blake couldn't help it. She simply had to talk herself
into trouble. This had been a problem for her growing up at home,
at school and later on, wherever she worked. She seemed to
crave confrontation and constantly found herself arguing with
others over the smallest of issues.

Of course, this was before she met Erik Powell.

The two had been dating less than a month when Shannon managed
to instigate a loud argument in the middle of a film they
were watching. Aggravated by Shannon's behavior and embarrassed
at being part of a public spectacle, Erik took his date by... Continue»
Posted by meatloaf90 4 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 532  |  
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A Little Bite to Eat

You get home from the gym and call out to me that you are going to the shower, and you hear me mumble something back. You think nothing of it, assuming that there was something on TV.

Once you get upstairs you can smell the freesia candles burning. You glance into the bathroom and see it lit up with candles. You know I will be up shortly to join you, so you rip your cloths off and toss them into the bedroom and hop into the shower. You stand under the hot pulsating water. You are enjoying the feel of the hot water caressing your body, and you don't even notice me coming into the shower, unt... Continue»
Posted by bdpro 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor  |  Views: 219  |  
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Valentines

You know I'm going to say what every single person out there is thinking but lack the testicular fortitude to say. I fucking hate Valentines Day. I'm not even sure if I hate it worse when I'm single or when I'm in a relationship. I mean sure when I'm in single I have to look around at all the happy couples, I have to watch girls go crazy as they get flowers delivered to the office. I have to watch guys nervously make last second arrangements and of course I have to face the fact that everybody but me is getting some goddamn pussy. If I'm in a relationship I'm just one of those guys scrambling ... Continue»
Posted by pornofiend 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 142  |  
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Women 'as likely as men to enjoy casual sex

It's not just men who are looking for 'friends with benefits'.

A Deakin University researcher has said that women are as likely as men to enjoy casual sexual arrangements, but for different reasons.

Kylie McCardle, who has been looking for 400 'friends with benefits' to take part in a survey, said the women who took part in an initial study said these arrangements gave them sexual confidence.

"The men were more likely to say they enjoyed the intimacy of the friendship," the Age quoted McCardle as saying.

The initial study was based on in-depth interviews with 15 couples, or 30 'fri... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 298  |  
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Thank you to slavegirl87 who gave me the idea to w

Thank you to slavegirl87 who gave me the idea to w
While I was reading her I was thinking about a story that happened to me with an ex girlfriend.

Here is my story. Kiss

My girlfriend didn’t know Paris and one day, on a whim, we decided to go for the week-end to Paris. We took the train a Wednesday to spend 3 days alone together in a tiny hotel. I know quite well Paris, I visited dozens of times. But it was the first time I went with a girlfriend. 3 days is too short to see everything and because she loved the movie “Moulin rouge” we went to the Sacré Coeur and to Pigalle. Suddenly she... Continue»
Posted by fredorson 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  Views: 451  |  
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Sonia and Sylvie in Toyland

I was living in a committed relationship with my partner Sylvie, whom you may have met in my previous Courtship stories. I was 4 months pregnant by Sylvie's b*****r Phillipe. We had spent a week in Lyon at a f****y wedding, and then had driven to Paris for a vacation stay.

Sylvie and I arrived in Paris on Thursday evening and registered at a small, elegant hotel just off l'Etoile, that great web of streets radiating from the Arc de Triomphe. Aside from tourism, dining, and promenading Parisian streets, one of our goals was to expand our collection of sex toys.

Prior to a trip to London... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 144  |  
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Perfect girlfriend has a big sex drive!

Apart from this, the perfect girlfriend is a career-minded woman who earns more than their partner but at the same time wants to stay at home and bring up the c***dren.

The clue to these seemingly contradictory demands lies in the men polled, 3,000 bachelors.

Near the top of their girlfriend checklist is the requirement that she should have a "pert bottom" – which may explain why they are still single.

And while three-quarters of the men polled said their ideal woman would keep her weight in check, 89 per cent also wanted her to tuck into a big meal without worrying. These perfect ... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 224  |  
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Planet of the Gigantic Schlongs

Planet of the Gigantic schlongs

By The Iceman

It all began in a place not too long ago but in a faraway
place. There was a planet way out of the galaxy
that no researcher ever discovered and most likely
never will be. The story begins on a planet called
Weenus. Nobody knows how the planet got
its name. Perhaps we’ll never know…..

Although not very much is known about the history of the planet Weenus, there was something very unique about it. There was no war, pollution, crime or poverty that existed in any form. The inhabitants lived peacefully. But what was so unique about t... Continue»
Posted by icemanrisen 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Shemales  |  Views: 470  |  
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Damaged scrotum story

A vicar asks his congregation if anyone would like to express thanks for their answered prayers.

A young woman makes her way to the front of the church and turns to face the congregation. "I would like to give thanks to my answered prayers! she announces. "Six months ago, my husband, had a terrible bicycle accident and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was agonizing and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

A stifled gasp came from every man in the congregation as they imagined the pain that the poor man must have experienced.

The young woman continued, "My ... Continue»
Posted by sjroche1509 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 679  |  
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The life drawing model and I (Based on true story)

This just happened two nights ago (I have used fake names of course though) :) .

Alex had been single for nine months and decided to join a dating website. After two weeks of a few boring dates in the city, he was requested an add by a Serbian girl named Mili one night that lived about fourty minutes away from him. He accepted her, and they chatted for awhile until the conversation went along to:

9.17pm

Mili says: So you do a lot of life drawing?
Alex says: Yes, I love it, it is my passion in life.
Mili says: I have never tried it, but I wouldn't mind...
Alex says: What, really? It... Continue»
Posted by aussieguy00000 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 362  |  
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A Lunchbreak

(Mark rushes home to her bedroom for lunch)

Mark called home, his meeting had been canceled and he decided to come home for lunch. Of course, with an hour's drive to get home, he hoped it would actually be lunch and a whole lot more. The k**s were at school and it had been a while since him and his wife had done anything, so Mark was hopeful.

Allison knew exactly how to serve lunch, and it had very little to with cooking or food. Fully aware of the opportunity, she changed out of her everyday clothes, noticing how firm her nipples already were and seeing the tell-tale damp spot in her pa... Continue»
Posted by KingAmir 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 239  |  
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