Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 64

The Encounter with an on-line friend

The Encounter Part 01
true story by VL

I started talking with Kim about 5 months ago. Every so often I go in search of new people to chat with, usually I make a few dozen contacts but only one or two turn out to be really interesting. Kim proved to be one of those. We had great cyber-sex and talked about lots of crazy ideas for role play situations. We also talked about normal stuff too. Eventually we exchanged phone numbers and photos. Then fate stepped in and I got an assignment that would take me to her town for a few days.

We arranged a meeting, after a very passionate con... Continue»
Posted by VictorL4fun 6 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  
1444
  |  
96%
  |  13

No Screwing

A married couple have been stranded on a deserted island for many years. One day another man washes up on shore. He and the wife become attracted to each other right away, but realize they must be creative if they are to engage in any hanky-panky. The husband, however, is very glad to see the second man there. "Now we will be able to have three people doing eight hour shifts in the watchtower, rather than two people doing 12-hour shifts."

The newcomer is only too happy to help and in fact volunteers to do the first shift. He climbs up the tower to stand watch. Soon the couple on the ground... Continue»
Posted by Deecee29 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
700
  |  
96%
  |  4

Crack Addict prt. 4

You wanna do what ?!!

I want you to lay down on your stomach. I'm gonna rub this vial of baby oil on your ass cheeks and then I'm going to rub my dick in the crack of your ass until I cum. Preferably, I'd like to rub said cum all over your ass cheeks with my dick.

Man, you crazy ... Crazy as fuck.

But I got money.


I pulled a loose wad of cash from my pocket and gestured towards the prostitute. She giggled like an old hag and reached for the money.

you sure that's all you wanna do right ? I mean you aint gonna slip inot the booty hole or nothin and cla... Continue»
Posted by mondotoken 6 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor  |  
691
  |  
96%
  |  1

Things Girls Always Notice on a Date

Do you want to impress a girl on the very first date? If you really know what girls always notice on a date, there’s a good chance you’ll be able to impress that pretty lass within the first few minutes. And you know what they say, first impressions are everything when you’re trying to have a great date! Unlike men, who don’t notice a great deal too much, women are a lot sharper on a date.

They put in a lot of effort, and they expect their date to look spruced up and primped for them. So what are the things that girls notice on a date? Men, you might just be surprised.



What girls alw... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
1090
  |  
96%
  |  2

You Know Your Fetishes Have Gone Too Far When...

1. You have a lawnmower repair company on speed dial.

2. Double #1 if they offer 24 hour emergency service.

3. There is a sudden drop in the local sheep population and you can't seem to explain all the bl**dy wool in the house.

4. You go to the local dog park to get dates. And maybe meet some people, too.

5. Oil trucks make weekly deliveries to your home, even though you have gas heat.

6. Hardware store clerks know better than to ask "What sort of project is this for?"

7. You browse through small appliances looking for "inspiration."

8. You have a lifetime ban from dog sho... Continue»
Posted by JerseyWBull 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
273
  |  
96%
  |  9

The Taste Of Jealousy Part 1

Gym. 2:16 p.m.

"Since today you start weight training, there are a few machines that I want you to know that most of you will be trying today. Firstly, the Bicept Curls, is where you will be lifting weights, but since you are all only in grade eight, I surely hope most of you will be able to lift ten pounds," Mr. Richard said, looking at all of us while we all laughed and I grinned, elbowing my friend Shyla who yelped, rubbing her arm and giggled as I kept looking at the teacher and then at Matt, who was across the room, talking to his buddies and they laughed as his eyes turned to mine and... Continue»
Posted by milli214 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
292
  |  
96%
  |  1

Mailman'sLast Day

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole f****y there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a $25 gift certificate to a fine restaurant.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.

The folks at the third house handed him a box of chocolates.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.

She took him by the hand and led him... Continue»
Posted by AnlosBiWifey 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
631
  |  
96%
  |  2

On The Job Site

We are back in Texas and I have a new job working on power lines. I’m on call most of the time but not a lot happens. Hanging around the house one day and I get a call for a job. Not well prepared for work because I’m the new guy I didn’t think anything of it for lunch. The job I got a call for ended up being a bad one, long hours for a few days. As lunch time rolled around all the guys are talking about what they are going to do. Most of them said something about pizza but didn’t want to leave the job because the parts man could come by anytime. Given I didn’t want to do anything they aren’t ... Continue»
Posted by WillyB30 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
1178
  |  
96%
  |  1

My Sex Adventures

Hi I'm James and I'm 20. I'd like to tell you about all the sex I've had ever since. I lost my virginity when I was 16, so let me tell you who it was to. My uncle married my aunt when she had already had two c***dren from a previous relationship. Her oldest c***d had a baby when I was 3. Which meant she was 13. I had seen her come from this ugly shell to become a coming-of-age beauty, her breasts had fully developed and she was looking finer than ever. I remember the first time I had saw her like this, I busted one out in my upstairs bathroom. About two weeks later she and her mum came up to v... Continue»
Posted by Roberts1478 5 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
2649
  |  
96%
  |  5

Little Johnny and April....

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"

When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asl**p.

A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST... Continue»
Posted by papa61 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
1006
  |  
96%
  |  9

Dont Leave Home With Out em.... Funny must Read!

This Was Originally A Commercial Some Years Ago. Very Funny!

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.
There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger s****r.

My prospective s****r-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly
bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate because she never did it
when she was near anyone else.

One day her 'little' s****r called and ... Continue»
Posted by SexyGiGi 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
3009
  |  
96%
  |  32

Scary Sex Story

My name is Diane and this is my story. It happened on Halloween night just about a year ago. I had been invited to a costume party at my friend Kathy's house. Her party was always the event of the season riddled with casual sex and promiscuous d**g use everyone who was anyone would be there. Kathy had called me personally the night before to remind me of my invitation and to dress appropriately. I was so excited I love Halloween and the idea of slipping into a fantasy of being someone I am not for the course of an evening is immensely erotic .

My husband Kyle on the other hand is often... Continue»
Posted by rime923091 5 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
1908
  |  
96%
  |  4

My wifes best friend.

The other night i came home to find my wifes best friend sandy in the house with out my wife there. i though that was quite odd but not unsual for her to be there but not by herself. So i asked where my wife was oh she said she had to go to the grocery store to pick some stuff. I said oh okay no problem. I noticed that she had been drinking some wine. We started talking i asked her about her husband bill. She said oh hes at work like usual working long hours this time of year. I told her that sucks a wife like you he shouldnt be working long hours like that. He should be home with you. She blu... Continue»
Posted by joe6977 2 years ago  |  Categories: Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
5017
  |  
96%
  |  2

ALL MY SINS REMEMBER'D part 3

After numerous flutes of wine Kathy Lee was becoming very vocal despite Hoda's vain attempts to silence her proved to be. The only think that silenced her was when she was sucking my cock. She held it in her hands and then cast glance over at Hoda and a mischievious smile smile across her face.
"Reminds of that visit to the farm," she said. "Remember, Hoda. The stables?"
Hoda's face tightened and reddened and she gave Kathy Lee a solid punch on the arm and pushed her head downward and filled her mouth with my engorged prick. She cast a nervous glance over at me, which I responded with an... Continue»
Posted by slappywag64 4 years ago  |  Categories: Celebrities, Sex Humor, Shemales  |  
471
  |  
96%
  |  3

The Panty Thief

by Just4kinks (just4kinks69@gmail.com)

Kathy settled into her window seat after boarding the plane.
Forty-minutes after take off, she began drifting into a dream about the
curly headed Bajan man she had a pleasant affair with during her
vacation in Barbados. Her lover was gently massaging her inner thigh
in the dream when she realized she was being groped. The hand belonged
to a balding, pot-bellied man with a Jamaican lilt. He was cooing to
her gently, "Baby, you so sweet. Me want to eat you like a peach.
Mmmm, you so wet and delicious," he said as his hand rubbed
... Continue»
Posted by just4kinks 6 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
1102
  |  
96%
  |  7

three phases

A f****y is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?'

The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, son, there are three kinds of Boobs. In her 20's, a woman's are like melons, round and firm. In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions'.

'Onions?'

'Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, 'Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?'.

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear, a man goes through three phases. ... Continue»
Posted by dashingboy 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
767
  |  
96%
  |  3

The Builders Story

The Builders Story

Chapter 1
I was working in a driveway of a house somewhere in darkest suburbia removing ivy from a house preparing it for rendering. Ivy does terrible thing to brickwork, it shouldn’t be allowed. Anyway its a dirty job very dusty. This was the first hot day of summer and the sun was blazing down, so I was making the most of it. Striped to the waste (plenty of sun factor on). Around lunch a woman comes out of the house next door and proceeds to push her wheele bin to the front of the house.
“Hello I'm Paul,” I say from up my ladder.
“Ooh you made me jump. Hi, I'm S... Continue»
Posted by grandpoobah 4 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
1577
  |  
96%
  |  6

s****r

Father Gray loved these conferences, this one was on the churches attitude to unmarried mothers, all wrath and condemnation a throwback to the good old days of the church when it inspired real fear and the clergy had proper power.
The day had gone well and Grey had been particularly s**thing in an address what went down very well with the audience of priests bishops and nuns.
Now as he sat in his small room at the seminary the made some notes and wrote his diary followed by a few letters.
There was a quiet knock at the door and Gray called enter without looking round.
"Mother superior... Continue»
Posted by celcus 6 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
1248
  |  
96%
  |  3

Alien in town / there really are Orions

In my younger days, I was a decent amateur photographer. Once, when a friend got married she asked me to take her pictures. I agreed to do them for free if she bought the film. Neither f****y had much money and she readily agreed. Her future spouse came from a f****y where both mother and father had c***dren by previous marriages as well as some together. Except for the future groom, all were girls and all from 16 years old and up.Again, to save money, the mothers bought material and started sewing the dresses for the bridesmaids, most of whom were the groom's s****rs. They chose a bright for... Continue»
Posted by sometimesbored 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
569
  |  
96%
  |  4

Dennis The Menace: Part 1 - A Mother's Love

the characters in this story are copyrighted but the story is mine. depending on the responce to this story i have 5 more parts i will post.

Dennis The Menace: Part 1 - A Mother's Love
by Sniper32

Dennis was in his bedroom one afternoon, doing what young men do, when his
mother Alice stuck her head in and told him that she was going to the store
and would be back in about an hour. Now Dennis was home alone and being the
curious type decided to snoop around in his mom and dads room and see what
he could find. So he went down the hallway and into his folks room, first he
looked unde... Continue»
Posted by sniper32 4 years ago  |  Categories: Celebrities, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
5963
  |  
96%
  |  16