Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 64
A f****y is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?'
The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, son, there are three kinds of Boobs. In her 20's, a woman's are like melons, round and firm. In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions'.
'Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'
This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, 'Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?'.
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear, a man goes through three phases. ... Continue»
The Builders Story
I was working in a driveway of a house somewhere in darkest suburbia removing ivy from a house preparing it for rendering. Ivy does terrible thing to brickwork, it shouldn’t be allowed. Anyway its a dirty job very dusty. This was the first hot day of summer and the sun was blazing down, so I was making the most of it. Striped to the waste (plenty of sun factor on). Around lunch a woman comes out of the house next door and proceeds to push her wheele bin to the front of the house.
“Hello I'm Paul,” I say from up my ladder.
“Ooh you made me jump. Hi, I'm S... Continue»
Father Gray loved these conferences, this one was on the churches attitude to unmarried mothers, all wrath and condemnation a throwback to the good old days of the church when it inspired real fear and the clergy had proper power.
The day had gone well and Grey had been particularly s**thing in an address what went down very well with the audience of priests bishops and nuns.
Now as he sat in his small room at the seminary the made some notes and wrote his diary followed by a few letters.
There was a quiet knock at the door and Gray called enter without looking round.
"Mother superior... Continue»
Early this summer I went on holiday with my hubby. We went to visit the rural china for a week, the resort/holiday village was really nice, it had a massive boundary around with lots of little huts inside, made of mostly bamboo and straws but up to date. they had en-suit bathroom, ceiling fan, fridge, comfy bed and tight security.
The first days we just had a good look round the compound and just chilled out really.
My hubby would just go down to the bar and talk to people about where to go.
The second day of the holiday was a day I’ll remember, hubby said I heard they have a ancient r... Continue»
the characters in this story are copyrighted but the story is mine. depending on the responce to this story i have 5 more parts i will post.
Dennis The Menace: Part 1 - A Mother's Love
Dennis was in his bedroom one afternoon, doing what young men do, when his
mother Alice stuck her head in and told him that she was going to the store
and would be back in about an hour. Now Dennis was home alone and being the
curious type decided to snoop around in his mom and dads room and see what
he could find. So he went down the hallway and into his folks room, first he
looked unde... Continue»
(John & his s****r start neighborhood service)
John just knew that there had to be a way to capitalize on the fact that he knew his twin s****r Kelly had lost her virginity and was regularly getting laid. Even though they were only 18 years of age, John had enough of his father in him to always try to find a way to capitalize on a situation. That's what comes from having a stockbroker for a father. The fact that he was totally in love with his s****r and always had been just made it a little harder. He had constantly heard his father espousing the philosophy that business wa... Continue»
The Audition 4 Pussy 101
When Jackie came onto the set wearing nothing but a pair of sandals and a strap on I knew what I had to do for my next scene. It was get on my hands and knees and take it like the fucking girlie man whore that I was.
The stick on the strap-on was even longer than the sex toy I had. That was the one big cock Sheila showed me how to use back in Boston. S/he showed me how to shove it up hir own ass then s/he rammed me with hir own long lady stick.
Plan B it seems was put in motion after Gay stud, stand in Dennis nutted too soon and thus lost his erection. I... Continue»
by Just4kinks (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Kathy settled into her window seat after boarding the plane.
Forty-minutes after take off, she began drifting into a dream about the
curly headed Bajan man she had a pleasant affair with during her
vacation in Barbados. Her lover was gently massaging her inner thigh
in the dream when she realized she was being groped. The hand belonged
to a balding, pot-bellied man with a Jamaican lilt. He was cooing to
her gently, "Baby, you so sweet. Me want to eat you like a peach.
Mmmm, you so wet and delicious," he said as his hand rubbed
I love grannies, short ones, tall ones, skinny ones and especially those with silver gray hair. I’m a 52 year old guy who loves his GILF’s over 60. I belong to a Senior Single’s Group in Oro Valley, Arizona outside Tucson. There are over 100 women in the group and only 35 men and most of them are over 70. So I have my pick of the best looking GILF’s in the club. These women have one thing in common, they don’t get fucked anymore!!!! That’s where I come in, at any one time I am screwing three to five different GILF’s, my answering machine is always full. Most of my stable of GILF’s know about ... Continue»
1. Beer is always wet. Vagina needs a little work. One point to BEER
2.Warm beer tastes awful. One point to VAGINA
3.A really cold beer is satisfying. One point to BEER
4.If after taking a swig of your favourite beer you find a hair between your teeth, you may vomit. One point to VAGINA
5. If you get home reeking of beer your wife may get mad, make a scene, kick you out, etc. If you get home reeking of vagina your wife may get mad, kick you out, even leave you. There's definitely a point to be had here, depending on your point of view and personal circumstances. I'll just call it a DRAW f... Continue»
The other night i came home to find my wifes best friend sandy in the house with out my wife there. i though that was quite odd but not unsual for her to be there but not by herself. So i asked where my wife was oh she said she had to go to the grocery store to pick some stuff. I said oh okay no problem. I noticed that she had been drinking some wine. We started talking i asked her about her husband bill. She said oh hes at work like usual working long hours this time of year. I told her that sucks a wife like you he shouldnt be working long hours like that. He should be home with you. She blu... Continue»
Jeremy, having had another lonely dinner, sat down to watch the evening news on the television. Just as the weather report had started, his attention was interrupted by a barrage of very light tapping on his front door.
Wondering who could be visiting him at this late hour, he stood up and moved towards the entry way. As the door creaked open, he noticed a a beautiful brunette, (about in her early twenties or late teens) was standing before the threshold, shaking and nervous in appearance.
Before he could ask what she needed, this tiny half whimpering voice, uttered light... Continue»
In my younger days, I was a decent amateur photographer. Once, when a friend got married she asked me to take her pictures. I agreed to do them for free if she bought the film. Neither f****y had much money and she readily agreed. Her future spouse came from a f****y where both mother and father had c***dren by previous marriages as well as some together. Except for the future groom, all were girls and all from 16 years old and up.Again, to save money, the mothers bought material and started sewing the dresses for the bridesmaids, most of whom were the groom's s****rs. They chose a bright for... Continue»
Fucking my Roomate
I was 22 and I remember it was the day before my roommate's birthday. For the sake of the story let's call her Hillary. She is a lesbian (but I had heard stories of her fucking guys a couple of times). Good looking, great body (she was really athletic), and an admitted slut. But I had known her for so long it wasn't really a big deal. I did my thing, she did hers, and I never really thought about fucking her because she always talked about how sex with guys was "gross" that I guess I put a wall up. Besides I was more interested in girls I actually thought I had ... Continue»
This story has Dom/Sub, Wife sharing, Brutal Anal, F2M Oral, male creampie cleaning, Alc., Humiliation, and Nascar. If you’re trying to quit watching cars drive in a circle, PLEASE STOP HERE.
One thing that us Southern backwoods inbred, white trash trailer rednecks are known for it Nascar. Now add some friends, Alcohol, and me, a dutiful wife, and you got yourself a good time! Cum see how I pleased my hubbies desires. Don't forget the shine.
Once Upon a time in a Southern backwoods farming and mining community, lived poor uneducated folk, I was one... Continue»
(Widowed Mother in Law moves in)
Ever since we first met, she had been a bit cool and aloof; no, make that cold. Her daughter Debbie and I had dated for close to a year before getting married. I was 21 years of age, she was 24; second marriage for her, first for me. Maybe the old bitch never liked the fact that I wasn't a doctor or lawyer, or some highly paid professional. Nope, I was just a regular guy working in the retail clothing business. But I made a decent living and between my earnings and Debbie's income as a hair dresser, we lived comfortably. In fact, with a few wise, early inves... Continue»
Prelude: Hot sexy woman describes her sexual escape with a cucumber in the produce section.
I get up this morning and take a quick shower, then put on my favorite short denim jean skirt and a matching color tube top.
I check out myself in the mirror one last time, then say to myself, "Honey, for being a middle aged woman, you look hot!"
After I put on my dark blue high heel shoes, I am off the to store!
The first shopping cart that I choose has a front wheel that clicks, so I decide to turn around and get another one. Suddenly, one of the the guys that work in the produce section t... Continue»
Stretching with a groan, my hands reach for the warm body I can feel under the covers beside me. The early morning light pours in from the window just above the bed, and as my hands run over your chest -tangling in the thick hair that covers it- I can feel you reaching up to close the blinds. A smile erupts on my suddenly warm face, there can only be one reason for closing the blinds at this time of the morning. I reach above us to the windowsill to grab my glasses, making sure to lean as far over you as possible, my breasts raking over your chest causing my sensitive nipples to harden suddenl... Continue»
s****r in Law's mouth
“You are always fucking eating” my s****r in law Jasmine says as she walks in the kitchen, this chic hardly wears anything when mom and dad are not home, she had on a pink t-shirt that covered up to about two inches of her lower body, I could see her black panties. “Why are you always cussing at me? What have I ever done to you?” I asked before taking another bite of my sandwich. “That’s all you do b*o… that’s all you do” she answered not making any sense to me, she opens the fridge and grabs a bowl of leftover salad and prepares herself a small plate.
Jasmine is 2... Continue»
" I can't beleive I'm doing this"
A thick wet slap resounds from the steel sink. It is followed by a moist gurgle and then the sound of wet suction followed by another wet slap.
"Don't throw out the gizzards, they're for the gravy."
A trilling giggle hits my ear next, then something heavy and slimy.I turn my head to be met with a slick fleshy column of skin bending towards me.
"That's the neck.Rinse it off and put it in the skilllhehehet." I laugh, pushing her arm towards the sink.
Giggling, she emerses her long fingers beneath the shooting water faucet and rubs them up and down the di... Continue»