Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 64
1. Beer is always wet. Vagina needs a little work. One point to BEER
2.Warm beer tastes awful. One point to VAGINA
3.A really cold beer is satisfying. One point to BEER
4.If after taking a swig of your favourite beer you find a hair between your teeth, you may vomit. One point to VAGINA
5. If you get home reeking of beer your wife may get mad, make a scene, kick you out, etc. If you get home reeking of vagina your wife may get mad, kick you out, even leave you. There's definitely a point to be had here, depending on your point of view and personal circumstances. I'll just call it a DRAW f... Continue»
I love grannies, short ones, tall ones, skinny ones and especially those with silver gray hair. I’m a 52 year old guy who loves his GILF’s over 60. I belong to a Senior Single’s Group in Oro Valley, Arizona outside Tucson. There are over 100 women in the group and only 35 men and most of them are over 70. So I have my pick of the best looking GILF’s in the club. These women have one thing in common, they don’t get fucked anymore!!!! That’s where I come in, at any one time I am screwing three to five different GILF’s, my answering machine is always full. Most of my stable of GILF’s know about ... Continue»
Jeremy, having had another lonely dinner, sat down to watch the evening news on the television. Just as the weather report had started, his attention was interrupted by a barrage of very light tapping on his front door.
Wondering who could be visiting him at this late hour, he stood up and moved towards the entry way. As the door creaked open, he noticed a a beautiful brunette, (about in her early twenties or late teens) was standing before the threshold, shaking and nervous in appearance.
Before he could ask what she needed, this tiny half whimpering voice, uttered light... Continue»
One great thing about my tiny apartment is my big soaker bath tub. I spend lots of time there relaxing and washing away the day's worries. Tonight was one of those nights when I needed to soak with bubbles surrounding my aching body. Work wasn't overly difficult today but I've been stressed out a lot lately.
As I laid in the tub, I started to think about my One. He loves to bath me, wash me, caress me in the tub. He treats me like his "little girl" and I love that. But it had been a while since I had masturbated and came. I haven't been in the "mood" which is also very unusual for me. I lai... Continue»
This story has Dom/Sub, Wife sharing, Brutal Anal, F2M Oral, male creampie cleaning, Alc., Humiliation, and Nascar. If you’re trying to quit watching cars drive in a circle, PLEASE STOP HERE.
One thing that us Southern backwoods inbred, white trash trailer rednecks are known for it Nascar. Now add some friends, Alcohol, and me, a dutiful wife, and you got yourself a good time! Cum see how I pleased my hubbies desires. Don't forget the shine.
Once Upon a time in a Southern backwoods farming and mining community, lived poor uneducated folk, I was one... Continue»
This is not exaggeration, this is based on my story of 1993. I feel
ashamed, cause she my cousin s****r. I shouldn't have done this to
her. I am from South Tamil Nadu.
It was in my semester vacation of my first year, and she was studying
Ninth Std. It all started from this point, in the night before my
s****r's marriage, she looked as if an angel. She is a medium
complexion, but...but really beautiful mean it. She was wearing silk
blow and the bottom (pattu pavadai). I was instructed to look after
the k**s who were playing on the Marriage's hall terrace. I saw my
cousin s****r playing... Continue»
Prelude: Hot sexy woman describes her sexual escape with a cucumber in the produce section.
I get up this morning and take a quick shower, then put on my favorite short denim jean skirt and a matching color tube top.
I check out myself in the mirror one last time, then say to myself, "Honey, for being a middle aged woman, you look hot!"
After I put on my dark blue high heel shoes, I am off the to store!
The first shopping cart that I choose has a front wheel that clicks, so I decide to turn around and get another one. Suddenly, one of the the guys that work in the produce section t... Continue»
(Widowed Mother in Law moves in)
Ever since we first met, she had been a bit cool and aloof; no, make that cold. Her daughter Debbie and I had dated for close to a year before getting married. I was 21 years of age, she was 24; second marriage for her, first for me. Maybe the old bitch never liked the fact that I wasn't a doctor or lawyer, or some highly paid professional. Nope, I was just a regular guy working in the retail clothing business. But I made a decent living and between my earnings and Debbie's income as a hair dresser, we lived comfortably. In fact, with a few wise, early inves... Continue»
Stretching with a groan, my hands reach for the warm body I can feel under the covers beside me. The early morning light pours in from the window just above the bed, and as my hands run over your chest -tangling in the thick hair that covers it- I can feel you reaching up to close the blinds. A smile erupts on my suddenly warm face, there can only be one reason for closing the blinds at this time of the morning. I reach above us to the windowsill to grab my glasses, making sure to lean as far over you as possible, my breasts raking over your chest causing my sensitive nipples to harden suddenl... Continue»
" I can't beleive I'm doing this"
A thick wet slap resounds from the steel sink. It is followed by a moist gurgle and then the sound of wet suction followed by another wet slap.
"Don't throw out the gizzards, they're for the gravy."
A trilling giggle hits my ear next, then something heavy and slimy.I turn my head to be met with a slick fleshy column of skin bending towards me.
"That's the neck.Rinse it off and put it in the skilllhehehet." I laugh, pushing her arm towards the sink.
Giggling, she emerses her long fingers beneath the shooting water faucet and rubs them up and down the di... Continue»
My friend and her boyfriend were staying in my flat while her parents had their house remodelled. I’d given them my bedroom and I had the couch.
I got in at 8am exhausted from work, normally they were having breakfast right now but nothing. I went to my bedroom door and knocked, no answer, I opened the door to find the bed made so I got out of my work clothes, put them in the laundry basket, had a shower and changed into my joggers. I came out of my room, sat on the couch and turned the tv on “Morning tv is shit” I said to myself. I laid down, closed my eyes and hoped to drift off to sl**p.... Continue»
Most guys lose their Virginity in High School, Trevor Smalls wasn't most guys.
A meek and reserved young man, Trevor had a tendency to fade into the background wherever he was, the one exception being the Chemistry Lab that was where he burned hotter than his Bunsen Burner.
Being from a modest background made socializing at Pinkerton University especially difficult, as many of the affluent students didn't take to kindly to mere Scholarship students attending their school.
But Trevor saw an in, a way of making his financial and socially difficulties vanish, the Janice Prize.
The ... Continue»
You see, I work with criminals at a half way house. On their way out but not quite free yet. Like clock work at 7pm is curfew, i work with one other guy at this location. It's in The Bronx, a lot of people who live in the neighborhood doesn't know what kind of house this is. For the most part it's extremely quiet and neat. Most of the time I'm left alone in the house I work the midnight to 8 am shift.
This one night around 3:30am. I was reading a romance novel, a inmate walked up to the desk, he talked about his case. Like I wanted to hear it at all. Then suddenly the convers... Continue»
It was 7 months after the birth of my second c***d and 3 weeks after my tubal ligation. I was mildly anxious because this was my first business trip away from my husband and two k**s in over two years. The trip was important, our company was evaluating a water reclamation project and I was asked to lead the engineering team. I was nervous and my usual self-surety was shaky from the 12 week absence I had taken earlier in the year and the gravity of the current project. Don't get me wrong, I've always been confident in my abilities and I command respect of even the most senior colleagues. My ... Continue»
(Jill's alligator mouth get her in real trouble)
How it all started:
L.A. in the summer, save for the pollution factor, isn't much different than Florida in the summer, both are hot, with crowded beaches as Jill was finding out. Long Beach they called the town named after all the beach front property, ran out all the way to Seal Beach, which continued to other beaches, but all the same waterfront, just miles upon miles of connected beaches. Still, with all that beach front you'd think there'd be some room to spread out in peace, she thought, as a group of black men stampeded through kick... Continue»
I have this story to share, never actually told it to anyone before but it’s kind of fun so enjoy.
I live outside of town a couple of miles and therefore the parties always ended up at my place. Far enough from town that we can have a big fire and make some noise and no one cares but close enough to still get a taxi home or whatever. So, this was a typical small party. About 25 people gathered around the fire pit which was in my back yard. The house was always open so people could use the fridge or washroom etc. It was about midnight or so when I accidentally spilled a drink onto my pant leg... Continue»
ICarly Sex Story
Iam Not a Virgin
"I'm sexy Carly"
"and I'm slutty Sam"
"And this is ICarly"
Carly and Sam are doing a normal ICarly rehearsal in their studio with Freddie. As they get half way through Sam gets a text message.
"I gotta go" Sam says
"we're in the middle of rehearsal" Fredie exclaims
"I've got people to see" Sam responds
"Oooo a date?" Carly asked
"You could call it that" Sam says as she leaves with a dirty grin on her face.
"So now what?" Carly asks Freddie
"Oh I've got some tech stuff I need to fix"
"Alright i'll be in my room thinking of ideas for our next show... Continue»
This, like all the stories I post on here, is a true story.
I studied arts in high school, which basically meant my school was a melting pot of stoners, hot alternative chicks, emo k**s and a bunch of teacher’s still thinking they’re 16 years old. The school was one giant orgy: over the four years I attended it, I must’ve fucked about 30 to 35 girls, including all of my female classmates but one. I have so many stories to tell about my time there, but I’ll start with just one.
That time in the bushes.
At one of our school parties, I’d made up with this girl who was a year younger than... Continue»
Jodie Marie, 22, freshly engaged with a car mechanic, is a simple woman. She likes to cook, to cuddle, and she certainly likes to make love. And because she has a boyfriend and seems to be well maintained by him, her fantasies are sometimes reflecting the realm of the unknown, the appetite for something new - and include sometimes even a woman:
I'm loosing the damned game! I hit the rubber ball harder, but with every mistake I make her grin grows broader. She is a friend of my mother, about her age, but still fit and not bad looking, but she is a bl**dy lesbian, playing with all the young... Continue»
I woke up last Saturday morning to find my beautiful girl Chrissy lying naked asl**p next to me, I kissed her sweet lips tenderly and cuddled up to her whilst thinking how lucky I am to have her... Little did I know, later that day she was going to show exactly how much she owns me!
After half an hour of watching my sl**ping beauty, she began to wake, smiling at me as she opened her heavy eyes and kissing me 'good morning'.
We spent the next hour or so doing as we normally do every Saturday morning, just laying there talking softly to eachother about anything, usually about what we have pl... Continue»