Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 6
Little Johnny was taking a shower with his grandma. He casually asked,"Grandma whats that?" She quickly replied, "That's my beaver". Little Johnny didnt say another word.
Two days later he was taking a shower with his mom. Little Johnny asked,"Mommy whats that?" She replied, "Well Johnny thats my beaver."
Little Johnn...y thought for a bit and said,"Well grandmas beaver must be dying her tongues hanging out!!"
Once a upon a time, a long long time ago yesterday in fact. Today I began my plan to catch the elusive one. The one who rescues clothespins from clotheslines. The plan was a simple one to string up 7 clotheslines facing the wind knowing that if she was near that she might hear the cries of the clothespins. Now that the 7 lines were up I just had to wait and hope the wind would do it's job and carry the cries of the clothespins. This quest started years ago when I first put a clothespin on my penis. And today was going to be the day that I'd finally meet my fantasy girl. With the 7,000 clothesp... Continue»
One Friday after work, we were all from the office and had a single beer. As people disappeared, only Suzanne and me back.
My name is Torben and late thirties and Susan are a couple of years younger. We are both married and have c***dren, but there has always been a little electricity between us.
It has never translated into anything, but as we got a few beers, I could see that Suzanne became more and more unrestrained.
At one point she comes little dancing over to me and lose completely random balance, so she has to sit on my lap. I put my arms around her waist and hold on tight so s... Continue»
One evening as you were relaxing at home after work, you hear the doorbell.
I am at the door. I tell you that I am there on business having to do with the house. (I have found out that the house that you rent is going to be sold). I tell you that I have to do a quick inspection and then I will be able to refund your housekeeping deposit.
You ask for ID, which I supply and then ask me in. We sit down in the living room and I ask you about ten questions about the house.
I ask you if you could take me on a tour and answer any questions as they come up. You say yes and start to show me ar... Continue»
this is a lazy coffee-time short story for feet-up, chill-out time. It's about a girl, and a guy, and girl/guy stuff -- though if you're not into romance of the explicit kind, you may not want to read on. . .
The sun is warm against his skin, the rock against his ass a total pain.
He has been here for maybe thirty minutes and lying down for twenty: absurd, the amount of time spent on looking around, choosing a spot, getting undressed, oiling up, smoothing the sand, packing the sand, actually moulding
There I was knackered from the journey and our fucking in the shower and now here I am three hours later, slowly being woken up by my g/f sucking on a very hard cock – my very hard cock – bliss.
The aching in my balls had spread to all over my groin area and my first thought was to get hold of a hand full of hair and push down on the back of her head.
But no, I wanted a cock at the end of this session and if I were to do that, she’d bite the fucker off and spit it at me – she really hates that being done to her.
Suddenly I saw her hair – it was so much of a fuckin mess she looked like... Continue»
All my Stories are absolutely true
2011, June 17
In the early nineties the first Mortal Kombat released and became one of the most popular games through its extreme v******e and splatter-effects. It was published the almost the same time as Street Fighter 2 and therefore was a big rivalry between those two games. Back then you either were a Street Fighter or a Mortal Kombat Fan. Well, that time I only was two years old and far away from the audience of those games so I initially began to play for real in the year 2008 with “MK vs. DC Universe”. After I decided for myself... Continue»
A weekend away (chapter 3)
Woke up the next morning, shall I just say – weary, here we are, only been in the building 18 hours and we’ve already fucked each other to a standstill twice (not bad for an old bloke).
It’s ten past nine and shit, now we’ve missed breakfast – she’s still asl**p, lying next to me, looking her normal gorgeous self, only partially covered by the sheet and smelling the wonderful smell of pure womanhood.
The amazing bit for me is that she’s still asl**p and that’s from a woman who’s up at 6 and gone to work every day by 7, must be doing something right.... Continue»
Upon my 66 excursion after going into Missouri the Show Me State I met a young man in the truckstop in Joplin we were talking about all his travels and how he enjoyed meeting new truckers along his journeys but as yet he never encountered any like he read in his magazines
I said what kind of truckers is that You know the ones out here who enjoy Sex without commitments and who like a slave I started to laugh So You want to be a slave and treated to the stories you read in your magazines, Well he said I have always wanted to try something different I said come with me now first I have to ask ar... Continue»
My new friend, Jeff, finished packing his large rainbow colored bong with a fresh load of sticky, resiny weed. My head buzzing from the bong hits we'd already taken, I watched him light up and inhaled deeply, then hold the smoke in his lungs. In my stoned haze, I looked at his buff physique. Jeff was an inordinately good looking man, lithe muscles bulging in a tight tank top, dark hair and darker eyes and intense features, someone who, if he had been born as a woman, most any man would have rated as a "10".
He passed me the lit bong. "Here, suck on this."
I inhaled deeply, then struggl... Continue»
WHEN IN THE JUNGLE......
( This is Real fantasy and soon to be a video...,,I recokn readers check out some of pics relating to this story in picture gallery on same website)
I was chatting on f'book when my dad came back from work.It was summer time .'honey we need to move ,I got transferred to Neyport, a remote village in west manchester',he said to mom. I don't know how their further conversation unfolded,but after a while mom came to me and said,'matt ,we need to move to new place ,you might have heard your dad,since you are having holidays,both ( dad and mom)of us wish to ... Continue»
I’ve been fumbling over chapter four because, to be quite honest, we didn’t go near each other for the rest of the day.
Well, I say we didn’t go near each other but in reality, we’re inseparable when we’re together – I just meant that we didn’t go near each other sexually but that didn’t mean others wouldn’t.
We were starving, we were fucked, we knew we had to get a shower, we were covered in cum – both new and old, dried to us like wallpaper paste.
In the shower we stood under the power water soaking our bruised bodies – smirking at each other like teenagers at what had been going on... Continue»
Phone sex is probably one of the more common 'alternative' types of sexual encounter. Both men and women of many different ages have tried it, but many of us get their first taste of it at a young age, often when at a distance from a partner, keeping in touch by phone.
Phone sex is a fairly ‘safe’ style of alternative sexual contact, as there is no physical risk at all, except for what you do to yourself. Phone sex basically amounts to Masturbation while talking to someone on the phone. Of course there is a small risk of having your feelings hurt if someone embarrasses you, but this only u... Continue»
Bad girls are legendary - a guy who’s been with one practically passes out from bliss when he talks about his experience. You might be thinking, “Who, me? Be a bad girl?” But any woman who wants to can wake up her hibernating vixen...and have a damn good time doing it!
See, bed-devil status is about a fearless attitude, not how much sexual experience you have or whether you wear leather. “Guys dig when women are unbridled and uninhibited, push their own boundaries, break the rules, and ask for what they want,” says Barbara Keesling, PhD, author of The Good Girl’s Guide to Bad Girl Sex. So ... Continue»
So it was way back when the old mid-summer hippy festival used to happen in the fields adjacent to Stonehenge on Salisbury Plain ( that's in England - for our overseas readers ! ) . The current fairy had persuaded me to go to the festival with her and her ex, strange maybe but he had a car .......
We got there and pitched the tents, grabbed a beer and proceeded to skin-up and get nice and mellow. All was going well and she asked me to go for a wander about the site to see what was happening. I don't know if you ever went there, but it was a bit anarchic and a 'no-go-area' for the police. Y... Continue»
we are at the summer house of us... near to beach, but far fromother ppl's eyes. no more house near to us... That is our secret place, no one knows, but us. we are swimming after midday.kissing eachother between the rocks... no one can hear our laughs...
then taking you on the sands, in my arms. you need to get oiled your delicious and salty skin. i am ready to help here :). you are laying down , and i am taking some oil in my hands. start to massage to your body.... to your muscles... you are getting relax under my touch. to your neck... to your back... to your waist(with a kiss)... to... Continue»
A Good Friends Advice
"You need a good massage"
You know how it is, when everything is going so well, the only way to go................, is down. Let me explain. It started when I just knew I had to dump my boyfriend, even that was a loose term. The first part was true, in two ways, he had a cock, therefore a boy and he was a boy, not a man and, He, was no longer my friend. He had to go. Then, I had been thinking about how to dump him when I walked into my boss. And knocked him over.........., I was in a hurry. Staying late to get told off made me miss my bus and train connectio... Continue»
In 1974, Harry Chapin wrote a poem about an accident with a truck in Scranton, Pennsylvania. The truck was carrying a load of bananas and crashed. Chapin developed the incident into a kind of cult song that he would play at his live concerts. The song had an original ending that had no audience pull. He tried to amend it and make it more popular. After his first attempt, he played the song for his group and received the following reaction: "Harry, it sucks!" So, as Harry relates in the song, he went back to his lonely writers garret and tried out a new ending. So here I am, in my lonely writer... Continue»
I'm not really sure where the dream ended and the reality began, but at some point, I do know that I woke up. It was 2 am and I was dreaming away, about unicorns or chipmunks or naugahyde, or what the fuck ever it is that people dream about that they can't remember the second they wake up, but tonight my dream took a turn. It started out as a light suggestion in the back of my mind of someone groping my breasts. Pretty quickly, that sensation turned and became more intense as I dreamed of someone tweaking and pulling at my nipples and I could feel my dreamself becoming aroused as the hands ... Continue»
Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word "fuck". It is the one magical word which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate.
In language, "fuck" falls into many grammatical categories.
•It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John).
•It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a fuck), an adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck).
•It can also be used as an adje... Continue»