Sex Humor Porn Stories
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Newspapper Boy...


Little Johnny is delivering newspapers.

He knocks on a door and says to the lady,
"I'm collecting today... that'll be five dollars."

She says, "I'm a little short on cash, but I'll gladly
give you some great sex instead."

Little Johnny agrees, "All right."

He walks in and the lady undoes his pants and pulls them
down. To her surprise, she sees the biggest penis she's
ever seen.

Little Johnny then reaches into his shirt pocket, pulls
out a handful of washers, and begins sliding them onto
his penis.

The lady says, "You don't have to do that... I can take
all o... Continue»
Posted by papa61 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 911  |  
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The State Cop

Last year, around Christmas time, I was back on the East
Coast for Christmas break. I had borrowed my b*****r's new
Corvette, (b*****r is a newly licensed physician) and headed out
to a Christmas party in the Highlands. This was the first time I
had been separated from my SO in a year, so I guess I was feeling
a little unattached.
I got to the party and it was wonderful. I had a couple of
champagnes and danced away most of the night. At 1 am my ex-
boyfriend from high school came in with his newly acquired
fiance. I hadn't seen Danny in 3 years, and I was a little taken
aba... Continue»
Posted by Erocus 3 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 618  |  
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bl**d Like Wine

by DireLilith



Leah'andra sat at the head of the empty dining hall table, in a d***ken stupor. None of the servants standing around her dared to caution her against such a state. They knew her temper, and the fury of her whip. They dared do nothing to stop the Drow Matron from indulging deeply.

The house was a mess, as much of a mess as a Drow home could be. It was situated far from any of the other great Houses in the deep subterranean city Leah'andra had grown up in herself. She preferred her privacy, and it made the home one of the most desired and expensive known in her circle o... Continue»
Posted by Erocus 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 151  |  
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getting caught once with chav lads

People might say do you ever get caught well once it happened.

Yes once last november I got caught fucking them at back of spar. It dont happen more often as its on this precient and its secluded at back plus people are afriad to go down the back after dark as well.

Well once a couple of chav lads went around the back to go smoke some weed. anyway they saw me and jamie, jamie had me facing the wall I had a crop top on and it was up with my tits out. my skirt was down my ankles with my knickers and he was fucking me while the other watched.

They said what going on here they were cal... Continue»
Posted by Erocus 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 166  |  
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Chav lads bring in new cock for me

Jamie and Nicky turned up outside my bedroom window late one night. They wanted some fun, it was about 11pm, s****rs were in bed and parents still at work. I risked it as I was horny and snuck out of the house and went for a ride with the two bad lad studs in Nicky’s knackered but strangely sexy car.

We drove around for bit, I was sat in the back seat with Jamie and Nicky driving.

They were in their hoodie chav gear and I was wearing a tight white t shirt with hearts on it and a short white skirt. I had my hair my usual Maria style and my nose stud was in. I knew what we were doing so ... Continue»
Posted by Erocus 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 280  |  
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Nikki having sex with chav lads

well one night a few years ago so dazza was 18 at time me 21 anyway me dazza,jamie,darren, cris and this lad called mark were on the turnpike in Leigh.

Dazza is 18, Jamie, 19, Cris 18, Mark 27 and me at time 21. I still see Dazza and his crew of chavs now.

we were at the back of it late at night its seculded you cant go there now as gates lock it up but u could then anyway we were drinking and stuff and id got shagged off jamie and cris and sucked darren off and snog dazza then everyone has to go home but dazza so jamie and the rest go .anyway dazza says to me that he wants to fuck me ... Continue»
Posted by Erocus 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 207  |  
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From Russia with love ;)

OK, This is my First true story Sex adventure and there will be more ;)

So one of my friends named Sona messages me one day saying shes going to a club in the city and she wanted to know if her and some of her friends can sl**p over. So obviously me being a guy, I'm like yeah sure as long as I can get some enjoyment out of it ;). She (Being super prude lol) says she doesn't wanna wanna be eattin' out because she doesn't wanna complicate our friendship. But she said she was bring to friends so I was allow to get some action out of them ^_^. One was a girl I've already met named Janna who nev... Continue»
Posted by BBCbeast 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 332  |  
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New Life Part 1(QT Fantasy No2)



Hello... my name is Linda, we have been living in the neighborhood now for about 6 months now. Although we are fairly new to the area still, we quickly made friends with the Johnson's that live across the way. We quickly learned we have a lot in common with them and have enjoyed their company and friendship. Although our relationship with them has been quiet adventurous from the beginning, it has reached a whole new level and our lives have never been the same.
My husband Braxton and I moved here because of a promotion he received from his work. Although we are a fairly young couple, his... Continue»
Posted by JerseyBean 3 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 495  |  
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New Life Part 2

Part 2

Linda felt as if she were weightless as her super strongman, pulled her into the shower and lifted her up and up until she was level with his attractive and fully featured face.
"I love you," she gasped, as he said nothing in return and took her bottom lip into her mouth. As he began to suck and indulge himself in her full shapely lips, she found herself wrapping her legs around him tightly and to the point to where he let out a slight grunt. Her legs were strong from years of gymnastics, but the pressure around his waist was welcomed only caused his massive meat to gain even more ... Continue»
Posted by JerseyBean 3 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 348  |  
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Death Ode to an Electronic Device

Poor little iPod. Faithful servant; you finally died.
No tunes to jam by or any music for the ride.
Sixty gigs of memory, you had a lot of stuff.
You traveled the world with me to places generally rough.

You kept me company in ole' Douchebagistan,
as I charged you with solar cells and cooled you down with fans.
Or hooked you up to the laptop in Iraq,
or the time I left you during that fucking mortar attack.

I've had you in shitholes where things weren't so nice.
Or when we partied in Dubai with women, drinks and ice.
We froze together out on the Khyber Pass,
as you kept entert... Continue»
Posted by Sinatra877 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 108  |  
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WILL'S FANTASY PART 2

I moan louder and louder as you kiss ,lick and nibble the strawberries,cream and chocolate sauce from my breasts " oh my god WILL ,please don't stop " I beg as you travel down my body... I am shaking with desire for you as you go down on me and lap up the whipped cream from my pussy ... So near to cumming yet wanting you so bad... Hear myself tell you " I want to taste you "... You walk on over to me and unzip ,looking at me somewhat nervously , * I smile and tell you I want you to... You place your manhood to my lips and I gently part them letting you into my mouth... You moan low at first an... Continue»
Posted by JerseyBean 3 years ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Fetish, Sex Humor  |  Views: 202  |  
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Right hand, left lane

Right hand, left lane

A little poem of love for
a teen driving dangerously


Right hand driving
Fast, hence left lane
On the road again
From West to East
From Left to Right
And back again
High speed, I know

Your little secret

It´s the hole in your pocket.
I know you did it on purpose.
Irish red-head swinging to the East.
Singing a song of love and longing.

Who are you? Old enough to drive?
A sexy hole in your pocket.
So you can drive very fast?

Your button of love

I know your dirty little secret.
You press your special button
All th... Continue»
Posted by petdyke 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 617  |  
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Well Trained

A Good Son

My Personal Trainer had set me a good routine to help me get up to nearly top condition before the season started and I was going to hit this speed in time for the trial's, I was not worried about my position on the team but I knew we had some who were waiting in the wing's, Let them eat cake.
My part time job in the off season had helped because of the heavy lifting but I needed to work on my leg's and endurance as well.

I had added, after consulting with my P.T., a five mile run to our routine as it was a good way to get home and save money.
Why is it that we now need a ... Continue»
Posted by chchboy 3 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  Views: 1389  |  
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Passion Light is Given through Love

They met for the first time by the pool in the moonlight
He Walked up to her to ask her, her name
She looked deep into his eyes her Radiant Beauty ignited the Flame within him to soar like a Wild Fire. She said her name was Claire She was on Vacation from her job in Vermont and always wanted to see California.
Howdy Claire my Name is Stan I usually go to the Mountains this time of year
But decided to just visit the Beaches here.
Near By there was a shack playing some oldies as the stars danced above
Stan asked Claire if he could buy her a drink.
She was pleased to see someone with such ... Continue»
Posted by Tony503 3 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 875  |  
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Flower Institute - early history

Amsterdam was first in the world with many things. Good and bad.
The first financial bubble: speculation in the tulip market. Tulips aren´t even Dutch, they originate from Turkey. The first banks as well. Happy to finance, speculate and invest in American independance. As the Brits were our favourite enemies.

But also the first "Flower Institute" for transforming classy virgins into full blown women. But that´s a long story. Patient readers: welcome to next paragraphs.

We did the "Golden Revolution" for the Brits, but had to swallow swapping New York for Surinam after we lost the seco... Continue»
Posted by petdyke 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  Views: 477  |  
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Under the bridge

I am so hot and horney I need to take a walk and find some young slut with a big hairy dick to call my own. Born without a dick or a pussy I only have a tight ass and a willing mouth and I want something hard up my ass...something to explode inside of me and I don’t care if it is big or small as long as it is willing....
So I parade up and down the street faceless and with a hairy open ass to accept what ever comes along. and there is a man under the bridge with one of those of funny signs that say...I’ll fuck for food,,,,and he is so cute and he turns out to be a she and she has a willing mo... Continue»
Posted by mia1 3 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Fetish, Sex Humor  |  Views: 518  |  
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Let Her Eat Cake (an afternoon doodle, a fond memo

Let Her Eat Cake
The association of food with sex is ancient and wondrous. At its simplest is such as the time honored route to the male heart through the stomach. But what young man could realize that it might work with a woman?!
Once upon a time he and a delicious colleague were engaged in that exquisitely awkward dance to enchantment when the ankle sprained, the boat ran seriously aground due to unfortunate inadvertence. Whatever caused the sublimation of fire to ice is unrecalled if recognized then. That it occurred was as clear as painful.
Nothing sufficed to thaw, no entreaty to c... Continue»
Posted by iansearchof 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 1167  |  
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f****y values

One time i was staying out of town at my cousins place We decided on big night out on the tiles as we hadnt seen each other for a while.

Me my cousin and a few of his footballer mates, hit the clubs
we was all bang up for a good time ,
we were dressed to kill and on the hunt for girls.

A few hours into the night the drink was flowing and we eneded up in a really steamy dance club in west end ,

i was at the bar buying some more drinks with my cousin while we were laughing and exchanging stories of what would like to do to a particular girl in the club

We have always been competi... Continue»
Posted by dannyboy190 3 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 453  |  
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Ghostfinger-----totally non-porn, but funny as hel

This is the mostly true story of how I lost my finger at work in a tragic yet humorous accident. It is up to you the reader to decide which parts are true, which parts are humorous and which parts I'm just blowing smoke up your ass.

It was a Monday like any other Monday, but this Monday was special. It was Sewards day. Just to refresh your memories, Sewards day is celebrated (in Alaska anyway) for the purchase of Alaska from those Godless commies bastards, the Russians. Trust me when I say they are kicking themselves for letting it go so cheap. In Alaska it is widely celebrated mos... Continue»
Posted by joewaterford 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 561  |  
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Top Clues that your Woman Is Cheating On You

Short of walking in on your wife or girlfriend doing unspeakable things with another dude, there's no foolproof way to know if she's cheating on you. But there are clues — thing is, you probably don't notice any of them.

But we know two guys who do — in fact, it's their job. Between them, Christopher Paoletti, president of Infidelity Investigations LLC, and Tony DeLorenzo, co-author of The 28 Tell-Tale Signs of a Cheating Spouse, they have about 45 years of experience hunting down cheaters. So we asked them to tell us what sort of behavior is a tip of that a woman might be cheating on you.
... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 3 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 235  |  
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