Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 3
1. Expensive Pussy
Most pussy falls into this definition. Expensive Pussy can be recognized by the following – fur coats, $500 dresses, spandex, bright colored shorts, and shirts with greek letters on them. 98% of good pussy falls into this category.
Advantages: If you can afford it, it will be great.
Disadvantages: Many, mostly in the form of checking account depletion. Often not worth it.
2. Cheap Pussy
Very rare. Usually comes in the form of a girlfriend of yours who will not go away no matter what you do. Cheap Pussy can be recognized by the following – she will often pa... Continue»
A mother had three daughters and, on their wedding, she tells each
one to write back about their married life.
To avoid possible embarrassment to their new husbands by openly
discussing their love lives, the mother and daughters agree to
using newspaper advertisements as a "code" to let the mother know how
their love lives are going.
The first one gets married and the second day the letter arrives
with a single message, simply: "MAXWELL COFFEE HOUSE".
Mother got the newspaper and checked the Maxwell Coffee House
advertisement, and it says:"Satisfaction to the last drop..... Continue»
Little Johnny is delivering newspapers.
He knocks on a door and says to the lady,
"I'm collecting today... that'll be five dollars."
She says, "I'm a little short on cash, but I'll gladly
give you some great sex instead."
Little Johnny agrees, "All right."
He walks in and the lady undoes his pants and pulls them
down. To her surprise, she sees the biggest penis she's
Little Johnny then reaches into his shirt pocket, pulls
out a handful of washers, and begins sliding them onto
The lady says, "You don't have to do that... I can take
all o... Continue»
Last year, around Christmas time, I was back on the East
Coast for Christmas break. I had borrowed my b*****r's new
Corvette, (b*****r is a newly licensed physician) and headed out
to a Christmas party in the Highlands. This was the first time I
had been separated from my SO in a year, so I guess I was feeling
a little unattached.
I got to the party and it was wonderful. I had a couple of
champagnes and danced away most of the night. At 1 am my ex-
boyfriend from high school came in with his newly acquired
fiance. I hadn't seen Danny in 3 years, and I was a little taken
Leah'andra sat at the head of the empty dining hall table, in a d***ken stupor. None of the servants standing around her dared to caution her against such a state. They knew her temper, and the fury of her whip. They dared do nothing to stop the Drow Matron from indulging deeply.
The house was a mess, as much of a mess as a Drow home could be. It was situated far from any of the other great Houses in the deep subterranean city Leah'andra had grown up in herself. She preferred her privacy, and it made the home one of the most desired and expensive known in her circle o... Continue»
People might say do you ever get caught well once it happened.
Yes once last november I got caught fucking them at back of spar. It dont happen more often as its on this precient and its secluded at back plus people are afriad to go down the back after dark as well.
Well once a couple of chav lads went around the back to go smoke some weed. anyway they saw me and jamie, jamie had me facing the wall I had a crop top on and it was up with my tits out. my skirt was down my ankles with my knickers and he was fucking me while the other watched.
They said what going on here they were cal... Continue»
Jamie and Nicky turned up outside my bedroom window late one night. They wanted some fun, it was about 11pm, s****rs were in bed and parents still at work. I risked it as I was horny and snuck out of the house and went for a ride with the two bad lad studs in Nicky’s knackered but strangely sexy car.
We drove around for bit, I was sat in the back seat with Jamie and Nicky driving.
They were in their hoodie chav gear and I was wearing a tight white t shirt with hearts on it and a short white skirt. I had my hair my usual Maria style and my nose stud was in. I knew what we were doing so ... Continue»
well one night a few years ago so dazza was 18 at time me 21 anyway me dazza,jamie,darren, cris and this lad called mark were on the turnpike in Leigh.
Dazza is 18, Jamie, 19, Cris 18, Mark 27 and me at time 21. I still see Dazza and his crew of chavs now.
we were at the back of it late at night its seculded you cant go there now as gates lock it up but u could then anyway we were drinking and stuff and id got shagged off jamie and cris and sucked darren off and snog dazza then everyone has to go home but dazza so jamie and the rest go .anyway dazza says to me that he wants to fuck me ... Continue»
OK, This is my First true story Sex adventure and there will be more ;)
So one of my friends named Sona messages me one day saying shes going to a club in the city and she wanted to know if her and some of her friends can sl**p over. So obviously me being a guy, I'm like yeah sure as long as I can get some enjoyment out of it ;). She (Being super prude lol) says she doesn't wanna wanna be eattin' out because she doesn't wanna complicate our friendship. But she said she was bring to friends so I was allow to get some action out of them ^_^. One was a girl I've already met named Janna who nev... Continue»
Hello... my name is Linda, we have been living in the neighborhood now for about 6 months now. Although we are fairly new to the area still, we quickly made friends with the Johnson's that live across the way. We quickly learned we have a lot in common with them and have enjoyed their company and friendship. Although our relationship with them has been quiet adventurous from the beginning, it has reached a whole new level and our lives have never been the same.
My husband Braxton and I moved here because of a promotion he received from his work. Although we are a fairly young couple, his... Continue»
Linda felt as if she were weightless as her super strongman, pulled her into the shower and lifted her up and up until she was level with his attractive and fully featured face.
"I love you," she gasped, as he said nothing in return and took her bottom lip into her mouth. As he began to suck and indulge himself in her full shapely lips, she found herself wrapping her legs around him tightly and to the point to where he let out a slight grunt. Her legs were strong from years of gymnastics, but the pressure around his waist was welcomed only caused his massive meat to gain even more ... Continue»
Poor little iPod. Faithful servant; you finally died.
No tunes to jam by or any music for the ride.
Sixty gigs of memory, you had a lot of stuff.
You traveled the world with me to places generally rough.
You kept me company in ole' Douchebagistan,
as I charged you with solar cells and cooled you down with fans.
Or hooked you up to the laptop in Iraq,
or the time I left you during that fucking mortar attack.
I've had you in shitholes where things weren't so nice.
Or when we partied in Dubai with women, drinks and ice.
We froze together out on the Khyber Pass,
as you kept entert... Continue»
After finding the wife at home masting over the net to her ex, I decided a repeat with Paula was a must, a few days later and I'm working late at the office again, I text Paula and ask if she s free and I get a reply v fast, she is in my home town and can be at the office in a few mins, I wash my cock and the door goes.
As soon as she is in the office my cock is out and her lips are round me, sucking like her life depended on it, I'm moaning as she is pulling her trousers off while sucking my cock, her mouth is so hot and wet then she stands up and straddles my cock, her pussy close to my c... Continue»
I moan louder and louder as you kiss ,lick and nibble the strawberries,cream and chocolate sauce from my breasts " oh my god WILL ,please don't stop " I beg as you travel down my body... I am shaking with desire for you as you go down on me and lap up the whipped cream from my pussy ... So near to cumming yet wanting you so bad... Hear myself tell you " I want to taste you "... You walk on over to me and unzip ,looking at me somewhat nervously , * I smile and tell you I want you to... You place your manhood to my lips and I gently part them letting you into my mouth... You moan low at first an... Continue»
Right hand, left lane
A little poem of love for
a teen driving dangerously
Right hand driving
Fast, hence left lane
On the road again
From West to East
From Left to Right
And back again
High speed, I know
Your little secret
It´s the hole in your pocket.
I know you did it on purpose.
Irish red-head swinging to the East.
Singing a song of love and longing.
Who are you? Old enough to drive?
A sexy hole in your pocket.
So you can drive very fast?
Your button of love
I know your dirty little secret.
You press your special button
All th... Continue»
A Good Son
My Personal Trainer had set me a good routine to help me get up to nearly top condition before the season started and I was going to hit this speed in time for the trial's, I was not worried about my position on the team but I knew we had some who were waiting in the wing's, Let them eat cake.
My part time job in the off season had helped because of the heavy lifting but I needed to work on my leg's and endurance as well.
I had added, after consulting with my P.T., a five mile run to our routine as it was a good way to get home and save money.
Why is it that we now need a ... Continue»
They met for the first time by the pool in the moonlight
He Walked up to her to ask her, her name
She looked deep into his eyes her Radiant Beauty ignited the Flame within him to soar like a Wild Fire. She said her name was Claire She was on Vacation from her job in Vermont and always wanted to see California.
Howdy Claire my Name is Stan I usually go to the Mountains this time of year
But decided to just visit the Beaches here.
Near By there was a shack playing some oldies as the stars danced above
Stan asked Claire if he could buy her a drink.
She was pleased to see someone with such ... Continue»
Amsterdam was first in the world with many things. Good and bad.
The first financial bubble: speculation in the tulip market. Tulips aren´t even Dutch, they originate from Turkey. The first banks as well. Happy to finance, speculate and invest in American independance. As the Brits were our favourite enemies.
But also the first "Flower Institute" for transforming classy virgins into full blown women. But that´s a long story. Patient readers: welcome to next paragraphs.
We did the "Golden Revolution" for the Brits, but had to swallow swapping New York for Surinam after we lost the seco... Continue»
I am so hot and horney I need to take a walk and find some young slut with a big hairy dick to call my own. Born without a dick or a pussy I only have a tight ass and a willing mouth and I want something hard up my ass...something to explode inside of me and I don’t care if it is big or small as long as it is willing....
So I parade up and down the street faceless and with a hairy open ass to accept what ever comes along. and there is a man under the bridge with one of those of funny signs that say...I’ll fuck for food,,,,and he is so cute and he turns out to be a she and she has a willing mo... Continue»
Let Her Eat Cake
The association of food with sex is ancient and wondrous. At its simplest is such as the time honored route to the male heart through the stomach. But what young man could realize that it might work with a woman?!
Once upon a time he and a delicious colleague were engaged in that exquisitely awkward dance to enchantment when the ankle sprained, the boat ran seriously aground due to unfortunate inadvertence. Whatever caused the sublimation of fire to ice is unrecalled if recognized then. That it occurred was as clear as painful.
Nothing sufficed to thaw, no entreaty to c... Continue»