As Xhamster entered the porn shoot she didn't look so hot. One of her male costars took notice. He approached the director. "Hey boss, Xhamster looks sick today. You think something may be wrong with her?" The director scratched his chin. "Hey, Xhamster, get over here, quick!" Xhamster turned around and her face was eaten up with advertisements. She walked over to the director. "My God, girl," he gasped. "Your face!" She tried to smile but a 18babysitters.com ad taped her cheek to her chin. "I'm fine," she mumbled. "I have to have these things on me, they help pay for everything, you know, Xha... Continue»
Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 14
“Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.” -Buddha
That quote by Buddha is one of my favorites, and I apply that reasoning to my life on a regular basis. Not believing in anything without deeply thinking about it has helped me form a much more rational view of the world than I ever would have if I had just listened to what other people “believe.” Or at least I believe that to be the case.
One of the things that I always find shocking is how many people just adopt a belief wi... Continue»
Please read Part 1 before this part. It's called 3 Girls In A Cafe :)
It'd been a week since Kaito started working in the Cafe with the beautiful three girls. Hiraki had still remained silent and quiet ever since her and Kaito's little interuption on his first day. Yume had grown very fond of him, always talking and clinging to him like she was his little s****r and Diasuke remained fierce yet kind to Kaito. It was now a Thursday afternoon and Diasuke had given him the spare room in the Cafe so that he didn't have to drive to work everday, he could just stay there if he wanted, she didn't r... Continue»
Q: When do you kick a midget in the balls?
A: When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice
Q: What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute?
A: Your job still sucks!
Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
A: By becoming a ventriloquist!
Q: How do you kill a circus clown?
A: Go for the juggler!
Q: Why couldn't they get the dead mans casket lid shut?
A: Because he overdosed on viagra!
Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come (cum) in a bottle?
A: Because his wife died!
Q: Why did the snowman smile?
A: Because the snowblower is coming.
Introduction: These are funny,perverted, and just wrong all at the same time.
A Penis Study
In 1991, Duke University funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $180,000.00, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the Man more pleasure during sex. After Duke published the study, Stanford decided to do their own study. After three years of research and $250,000.00, they concluded that the reason was to give the Woman more pleasure during sex. The University of Wisconsin, unsatisfied with the... Continue»
Introduction: not so sexy
> The 1st Affair
> A married man was having an affair
> with his secretary.
> One day they went to her place
> and made love all afternoon.
> Exhausted, they fell asl**p
> and woke up at 8 PM ..
> The man hurriedly dressed
> and told his lover to take his shoes
> outside and rub! them in the grass and dirt.
> He put on his shoes and drove home.
> "Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
> "I can't lie to you," he replied,
> "I'm having an affair with my secretary.
> We had sex all afternoon."
> She looked down at his shoes and said:
> ... Continue»
# 9 A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask
the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the
front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman
beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into
her breast. They are both startled and he
says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your
breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if
your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room
# 8 A young man walks up and sits down at the
bar. "What can I get you?" the bartender
inquires. "I want 6 shots of Jagermeister,"
responded the young man. "6 shots?!? Are you
celebrating something?" ... Continue»
Introduction: Forgot some info here the better one hope you like it
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks th... Continue»
Introduction: This is a funny joke for the ppl who never heard it before.
Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.
Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason.
He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try
to touch them, but he had to try.
One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio
the Physician, the King’s chief doctor.. Horatio thought about this and
said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but
it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it.
Without pause... Continue»
I'm sure that upon reading this, you'll nod your head in agreement as you will all have experienced most, if not all of the scenarios listed. If you haven't you need more fiber.....
The Perfect Dump
Every once in a while everyone experiences the perfect dump. It's rare but a real thing of beauty. You sit down expecting the worse, but what you get is a smooth sliding, fart-less masterpiece that breaks the water with the splash-less grace of an Olympic high-diving champion. You use the toilet tissue to find that it was totally unnecessary. It makes you feel that all is right in the world a... Continue»
DJ: "Hey! This is Edgar on WBAM. Have you ever heard of 'MateMatch'?"
Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."
DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to Orlando , Florida if you win. What is your name? First name only please."
DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?"
DJ: "Yes? Does that mean you're married or you're what?"
Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married."
DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please."
DJ: "Is Sara at work, Brian?"
Brian: "She is gonna kill me."
DJ: "Stay with me here, Brian!... Continue»
Introduction: For all those people that think their cars look too boring......
Jesus loves you, but I think your an asshole!
Zero to dick in 60 seconds.
Very Funny Scotty, now beam up my clothes...
Madness takes its toll--please have exact change ready.
Stamp Out Crime - Abolish the IRS
Don't Honk - I'm Pedaling as Fast as I Can
If You Can Read This Bumper Sticker, You're In Range
This Vehicle Swerves and Hits Pedestrians at Random
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
I have PMS and a handgun. ANY QUESTIONS?
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes... Continue»
Introduction: This one's pretty long, but in my opinion its well worth the read once you get to the end.
Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "Cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an online chat doesn't seem to quite get the point of Cybersex. Then again, maybe he does....
Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high h... Continue»
Introduction: Quick little jokes/comebacks.
As confused as a infant in a titty bar.
As confused as a blind lesbian in a fish market.
Q. What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get.
Q. What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't?
A. A navel.
Q. What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
A. You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won't call you a week later.
Q. Why did god create Adam before he created eve?
A. Because he didn't want anyone tellin... Continue»
Nicole stared out the window, her smiling reflection staring back. The Sun had just gone behind the buildings, but had not yet set. That wouldn't be for another hour. The anticipation for the evening had been growing in her for almost a week, when she found out that the bistro would be hosting a very private party, and that she had been specifically requested to serve the party. The guests would be arriving soon.
The table that had been requested was a small two-top near the centre of the small 15 table room. Nicole wondered why one of the more private booths near the rear of the bistro had... Continue»
Kelly Pimps Out Chrissie (a Chrissie Conway story)
When I think back on all the years that I spent almost every day with Kelly I can't help but think that she
just may be a big part of the reason I'm a high paid "tranny whore" today. Kelly never missed on opportunity to
"pimp me out" whenever she got the chance, especially if it would benefit her in some way. Today Kelly is a
detective with the County Sheriff's Department. Going from a lesbian "pimp" to a lesbian cop just may be one of
the stranger lifestyle changes you'll see. OK so she wasn't a real '"Superfly" pimp or Manhat... Continue»
I will be posting tips and techniques learned over the years. I may do a book but for your edification/education...
And I am pretty much a normal nice guy who is too much a giver,(why so many labels...I'm an American first)and loves women. I will write in that context. Man for women. If you're gay/lesbian/tranny/granny/etc. apply the situation to yours. I can't write for everyone's satisfaction, but mine first.
Look in the mirror. Who do you see. Answer it before you go looking for sex, love, etc. Not just the physical but the spiritual, social, mental. Are you someone yo... Continue»
I don't want the truth. I want the dream. I don't need to be the center of attention; or have all the eyes on me. I don't want the lies and gossip spread around.
I get the hush when I walk through the door. I want to see the fear in their eyes when I walk on by with my head held high. They all hate me because I don't care about looks or the ideal body, yet follow me around like the worthless dogs that they are.
They say I am like Peter Pan. They say that I am vain and have an ego that is in full control. They tell me I'm apathetic as if I were to care.
But they don't fucking know m... Continue»
Hi readers, i am naren again.
So I am narrating what was actaully happened and we have a group of 5 friends. One of them was Pratik and he had lost his father due to heart attack a few years back. His mother's name was Yogita and at that time she must be around 40-42 years of age after death of Pratik's father, we used to go to his home so often just in case, Yogita aunty need any help.
So, one day, after coming from my college, I had my food and went to Pratik's home. Pratik opened the door and took me in. We then went to his room and were talking to each other. All of a sudden, Pratik... Continue»
So he suggested very firmly that he wanted to see me.......I had grown used to his ways and gently teased him that I would have to think about it......as every good school girl has their homework to think about......weeks went by and eventually I gave into his persuasion..... I was to meet him during the day at his office, he was a lawyer. I was to come to him in a long coat covering my uniform, so none of his peers would know.....he had booked the appointment in his diary, so on visiting I would be directed from the reception, to his secretary’s desk and then she would lead me to him.....over... Continue»