Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 109
Q. What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get.
Q. What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't?
A. A navel.
Q. What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
A. You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won't call you a week later.
Q. Why did god create Adam before he created eve?
A. Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam.
Q. What is a lesbian's favorite thing to eat?
A. A Klondike Bar
Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A. "How... Continue»
This morning when waking up, as always, i go straight to the toilets, scratching carelessly my f****y jewels. I just forgot for a second that my cousine was at home since yesterday evening. She's there standing in the corridor staring at me. Such an uncomfortable feeling grows in me...
Now she's enjoying her breakfast, i go to the bathroom, washing myself and here comes my morning boner without warning, i start wanking, lightly, and once again i just forgot i'm not alone, and the door is not locked and there she's entering the bathroom, hopefully i was not moaning her name...
Now she'... Continue»
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.
A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.
Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing th... Continue»
It's the thirty first century and I'm a cop who just completed an assignment. Me and my parner busted some d**g kingpin importing d**gs from another planet making a killing. The d**g was similar to cocaine but only stronger and the both of us came and closed up shop permanently. Afterwards I went straight home and took a long warm shower. I stood there and let the water come crashing down my body feeling all the tension float away after a long day of catching the bad guys and kicking ass. ... Continue»
Image of perfection
Object of an affection in sexing
Fantasizing freaky positions of you in submission
Pushing pulling twisting and moaning
A Place where I could store my erection
Tongue kissing fucking
Look up cause I got mirrors on the ceiling
Reflecting your ass bouncing silly
Soon as you come in right away
If you’re willing
Splay your legs open
Game played by 2
My sexual motivation
Got you yelling spots for me to do?
Amazed by the way you grind
Just for fun
I bet ill make you cum 61 times
First before insertion let me heat it up
Beat it up when ... Continue»
litlle girl and his father in the park!
girl; look dady the dog's fucking!
dady; do'not see there,i'ts not for you!!
girl; i' know,buth make me so hard............. Continue»
This slut I saw when she left the store. She was twenty years old. She unsuccessfully catching a taxi. I approached her from behind, and that there are f***es punched her in the head. This bitch has fallen to the ground, and I climbed on her and began to fuck on the street. She began to cry:
"Oh, Fuck, Fuck me!" I've never fucked. Fuck "
Its by a dick I broke her hymen. And she screamed, "Fuck, Fuck."
I felt that I wanted to finish. I turned this whore to her face, and finished it on the snout. She was licking my cum from his snout.
"Give me your phone&qu... Continue»
Car Wars.. Chevy Corvette Vrs Toyota Prius.
I wrote once that God Drives a Chevy Corvette, Toyota Prius was made by the Devil. Only one person ever said anything about that. She wrote to me and said " But Prius cars are great for giving abortions in!"
It hurt... It was like a knife was thrust into my V8 heart. So I wrote this.
I'm not sure if I could describe in detail the power felt when shifting that Corvette from Second gear to third, at 4500 RPMs... You can feel the mechanics like the bolt action on a powerful rife, slowly but firmly pushing the projectile into the tight virgin barrel.... Continue»
The pillow talk of new millennium couples in the 2010 INDIA TODAY-AC Nielsen-ORG MARG sex survey tells an unprecedented story of women's arou*al being thwarted and of romance gone sour. Call it the Eat Pray Love moment in the life of the modern Indian woman. Just as the lead character, Elizabeth Gilbert (Julia Roberts in the film) was asked by her Balinese healer to "pray for sex", the survey finds Indian women meditating intently on the prayer beads of fulfilling and wholesome sex.
Shatter those stereotypes that tell you women are not as interested in sex as men are. Overturn the idea that... Continue»
Heat-activated, anti-wrinkle, iPod-charging … today's bras are about as high-tech as computers. They have complex support systems and multiple operating modes. They're priced just a bit shy of a PC.
The quest for the perfect bra can lead women to extremes of shopping, trying on and spending without ever finding the One. And there's a reason for that: There is no perfect bra. High-tech bells and whistles and the brand new, ultimate design are just the side show. The main event is much simpler. It's the fit.
A well-fitting bra does two things: It supports and it enhances. Holds 'em and sha... Continue»
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: asl ?
Stranger: 15 f usa
You: 16 m france
You: are you sexy ?
You: tall, athletic body with 6 packs and blue eyes
Stranger: umm yeah ur sexy
Stranger: I'm shot, thin, athletic, blue eyes, blonde hair, and tan
You: hmm you're sexy too
You: so have you a bf ?
You: so you masturbate ?
You: how much o... Continue»
You: kool so u two r wet?? hahaha jk;)
Stranger: and horny
You: haha really?
You: u guys wanna blow me??
Stranger: come here
Stranger: you won'y reagret it
You: comes to u
Stranger: ok we ll waitn to u darlig <3
You: what kinda panties u got on
Stranger: white small panties
Stranger: and no bra
You: mmmm u got big tits\
Stranger: like texas !!!!
Stranger: what u wanna do with them ?:>
You: play with them
Stranger: ... Continue»
When I was s*******n, I went to a club with my boyfriend, we had been having some troubles lately, so we went just for a good time. I could tell he was looking at every woman except me, so I pretended to look at every man except him. Just as I had hoped, he got jealous and left to "go to the bathroom." Naturally he didn't come back, so then this cute guy walked over and asked if he could join me. I said yes and we talked. When he found out my boyfriend h
Friend did this yesterday....if you like people doing dumb stuff watch it....mortar tube hits my friend ends up with 4 stitches
This is Ian, and I have an interesting experience to share:
I was inside the Rio Casino in Vegas two days ago at around 1 am, wearing one of my numerous kilts as usual. Now.....
A group of 6 or 7 drop-dead gorgeous Asian girls were walking toward me, noticed my kilt, started exclaiming (something or other), and when they got to me, started taking turns lifting my kilt! Well, I let them do this for a few minutes, then it hit me: There's cameras in these casinos! So regrettably, I shooed them away. Well, a couple guys were watching the whole scene, and afterward, they came up to ... Continue»
My new FWB and I are looking for a place to play. found an ad on CL and this is the response she sent, Hope you enjoy. I'm not sure what to laugh or rub one out:)
Please tell me what yall think!
My lover and I are interested in your room, however before we enter into an agreement, I have a few codicils based on our needs.
1. We only need the room for approximately 10 hours a week, we’re both married, so play time is limited and quite frankly can only handle a few hours of pussy licking, clit biting, cock sucking, ass tonguing, tits flying, ball pounding sex. I get dehydrated from multiple... Continue»
It started off as a stupid joke, one of those things sororities want entering freshmen to do during rush week. All the older s****rs in the house I was most interested in voted that all the new freshman pledges would have to try anal sex before the end of the semester. If we wanted to join up, we'd have to take it up -- up the ass, that is.
I was pretty eager to get in, so I played along, but already I was trying to figure a way of faking it. I'm no prude, but I wasn't going to let some stupid frat boy stick it in me -- much less in my back door! -- just to get some stupid signed certificat... Continue»
I am 27 , when a f****y of three s****rs shifted in our neighborhood during the winter season. These three s****rs, lived with their mother who was working in a bank, their father was deceased. And we often studied together for preparation of exams.
The eldest was Alpana 21 years, having finished graduation was looking for a job, second daughter Vasudha was my age and in the same class with science subjects like me, the youngest one was Priyamvada and was fifteen years of age. They were all beautiful and of medium built with
I kneed meekly in front of my 18-year-old(**Edited**) son with hands behind my back in a submissive posture. I was visibly trembling with nervous anticipation. Ashok looked down at my scantily clad sexy body with both love and lust in his eyes.
"Mom, you were a vision when you walked up to me, so graceful yet sinfully erotic, a sex goddess and a sluttish whore roll into one! I just love you in this outfit. I think from now on you're going to dress like this or in a sexy French maid uniform without the underwear, otherwise yo
This is a story that I immensely enjoyed writting. It has a bit of everything in it except quickies. I hope that you all enjoy it. Comments are appreciated!
I loved masturbating. My problem was that I loved it more than having sex and it was getting frustrating. I didn't want it to be that way but I couldn't seem to help it. I figured that it was just something wrong with me.
One of my problems was that I was always dissatisfied after sex. Two minutes after my guy left or went to sl**p; I was masturbating to get myself off. It wasn... Continue»