Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 103

Mafia Valentines


My love for you... it came and went.
So your feet are now in wet cement.

I'm here To fulfill your fondest wishes
Now that your husband sl**ps with the fishes.

Lie down with me -- it's my final offa,
Or you'll be lying wit' Jimmy Hoffa.

I picked up this card from a slim selection
But that's all they offer here in witness protection.

Be my Valentine, and we can do it execution-style.

Cinderella got her fella, with a slipper made of glass;
So please be mine, Valentine, or I'll have to whack your ass.

Violets are blue, roses are red,
I blew up your car -- So why ain't y... Continue»
Posted by crzs 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 126  |  
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My Porn Film Fantasy - Anyone know of one like thi

My fantasy video would be one where a white couple were having an argument because the lady just found out her husband had been having an affair, the shouting prompts neighbours in the motel to call the police. Three big black cops turn up and have to restrain the husband and put him in the back of a police car...they tell him if they can get her to calm down they wont put him in jail, and they all take turns to go in and try to convince her to forgive him for cheating on her, satisfied that the lady is recompensed they reunite the couple , have them kiss and make up and tell each other how mu... Continue»
Posted by greyhaired 3 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 859  |  
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Pizza

It was Saturday, alone. There was nothing going on but the sickening sight of Big b*****r torturing 8 house mates over a glass of water or so it seemed. This intellectual exercise was going way over my head and I was in desperate need of something a little more down to earth. But what is more down to earth than a pizza and a porno flick? Ah, yes! But what... but what do I want on the pizza? Pineapple? Mushroom? Sweetcorn? HA! HA! I'll get all three - Pineapple! Mushroom! & Sweetcorn! Better yet, I'll get everything - the works!

With shaking hands and trembling fingers, I picked up the telep... Continue»
Posted by bbwlovar 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 362  |  
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F-a-c-k

"Fack"


Ah ah ah ahhh
Oh god damn
I'm gonna facckin cum
Oh shit, oh yeah
Fack fack faaaack
Fuck I am
I am,
I'm going to cum
I'm cumming

I never seen no shit like this
This bitch can twist like a damn contortionist
Condom on my dick
Of course it is
This bitch don't know what abortion is
So I can't cum in her
Fucks like a porn star
Looks like jenna
Fuck I'm gonna
Cum
I think my rubbers coming off
But oh it's so fuckin wet and soft
Fuck I'm gonna start letting off
I'm squirting and she's not getting off
And she's on top
I'm gonna fucking, oh ... Continue»
Posted by braindamage123 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 168  |  
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My sph fetish comes true!!!

Another story I found and loved...


After a yr of being with my wife I confessed to her about my sph, she actually took to it very well and was glad I brought it up as she has always thought it was tiny and didn't know how to tell me, we often talk about it and situations where I would be stood naked in front of a bunch of her friends with them all pointing and laughing at my small cock on one of her girly nights, we would try and plan a night where that would happen but always chicken out. I also wanted her to tell her friends and female relatives but she was too embarrassed about being w... Continue»
Posted by ilovemysmallcock 2 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 120  |  
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Roadside Rest Stop

One night my husband and I were driving home from a wedding reception. When I asked him which way was the best way home, he had me turn onto a road that took us out of town. I knew what he had in mind, so while I was driving I started taking off my panties. He started playing with my already dripping pussy. We found a place to pull over. I slid over to the passenger's side and he got on his knees outside of the car and ate my pussy until I came. Then he put me up on the rear end of the car and fucked me harder then he ever had before until he filled me up with his load. All the while we cou... Continue»
Posted by Sexyvixen36 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 932  |  
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Just a dirty fantasy I have

On the drive back to my apartment we stop at a red light, my attention turns to you, the lights of the city shine upon you, in such a way as I have never seen before, I begin to drink you in with my eyes, your flowing crimson hair, your gorgeous emerald eyes; I brush through your hair with my hand gently leaving it on your rosie cheeks, I draw you in for a kiss, as we embrace your lips quivers ,slightly, with anticipation, my kiss tender and soft, as tasting of the chocolate cake we shared for desert. We pull into the parking lot of my apartment. I exit the truck and quickly come open your doo... Continue»
Posted by fpenguin 2 years ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Sex Humor  |  Views: 387  |  
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sunny's wife's away

Sunny Brown’s wife Valerie, a hospital senior dietician, had gone to Sydney for an advanced hospital nutrition and food services management course for a month and Sunny's missing her and missing connecting with her vagina. Equally distressing he was missing her superior cooking compared to his best endeavours and generally most restaurant meals he’d had didn’t measure up either.

But he survived without complaint and cooked some of his dinners, mainly sticking with chicken fried rice or mince on toast or a roast. Two bright spots were invitations on week one and week two from two friends, we... Continue»
Posted by sunnybrown 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 799  |  
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I had sex in a shed. i was proud.

As alot of you now know im engaged to this boy who's really lovely. and i love him as much as he loves me, i visited his mums house and well we was aloud to sl**p over, the problem was that the walls were'nt sound proof and so we was worried if she would hear us bumping the tunnel.. so we went outside, was looking around and we saw the shed at the back of the garden, "Hey this looks like a good place" i said "You sure hun, it looks dirty and old". "I don't care live a little babe XD" i said. and we opened it and closed it, locked it from the inside, he started to touch me up, feeling my ass, a... Continue»
Posted by LittleMissy 2 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 869  |  
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Dead Rosed

I haven't been able to sl**p lately. I started a new shift at work, and it seems like the world is always asl**p, while I'm awake at crazy hours,

working hard to afford the life I want us to live. I never wanted her to feel like I didn't care about her needs, because I do. I guess I just have trouble

exspressing how I feel sometimes. But i do it all for her. I do it all for us. She says I don't try hard enough to make time for her. She says that I

concern myself too much with money, and the things I think we "need". But I'm just trying to provide. I heard her talking in her sl**p ... Continue»
Posted by javabot9000 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  Views: 311  |  
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The bridge thing

It is a very warm summerday and we are go hiking. Walking behind the house up the mountain and the sun is burning on our skins. We walk along the paths and between the trees. After 2 hours we pass a house and move on after half an hour we arrive at a canyon. For our luck there is a plank bridge so we can go over the canyon. But when we arrive at half the bridge we stop and enjoy the good few from the mountain into the vale. You stand there and I was behind you. Feeling a little like having fun I grab your one hand with mine and bound you on one of the ropes of the bridge. With the other I grab... Continue»
Posted by John9090 2 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor  |  Views: 557  |  
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B6 Chapter 3 Accusations

Chapter 3: Accusations

Jordan and Jeanne had just finished their session in the Milking devices. Because of the extra help that Dee Dee had given Jordan's balls, Jordan was the clear winner in this event. Both Barocca and Jeanne had finished viciously insulting and accusing Dee Dee and Tiffany of cheating of some sort.
At this point, Rhiannon and the Vectran girls entered the auditorium from the side. Rhiannon decided to make a bold entrance, and called out, "Well, well! Is this a private party, or can anyone join in?"
Everyone in the auditorium turned to face the new arrivals. ... Continue»
Posted by gregster 2 years ago  |  Categories: Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor, Shemales  |  Views: 57  |  
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B6 Chapter 16 Rebellion

Chapter 16: Rebellion

After leaving the temporary quarters with Rhiannon, Barocca had met Jeanne in the hallways, as they both headed towards Dee Dee's lab. They were just about to turn the corner to Dee Dee's lab, when they heard a door opening.
"Hold it, Jeanne. Someone's coming." The two girls stayed out of view, until the door had closed again. Barocca stuck her head out, and cautiously peered down the corridor. She watched Dee Dee disappear in the opposite direction.
"It's Dee Dee. Looks like no one's getting much sl**p tonight. I don't know where she's
going, but now ... Continue»
Posted by gregster 2 years ago  |  Categories: Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor, Shemales  |  Views: 103  |  
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B6 Chapter 18 Run For Your Life

Chapter 18: Run For Your Life

Barocca ran from Dee Dee's lab with all of the speed she could muster. She didn't know if she should try to make it to where her girls were staying on the other side of the Island in one sprint. Or if she should try short dashes, and lessen the time she was exposed in the hallways to the other girls.
Then Barocca decided upon a course of action for the short term. "I'll duck into the first
set of quarters that I can find. Then I'll call the other girls on the cellular phone, and tell them to be ready for me. I can use a short rest, and it'll make it... Continue»
Posted by gregster 2 years ago  |  Categories: Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor, Shemales  |  Views: 70  |  
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B7 Chapter 14 Epilog - The Enchantress

Chapter 14: Epilog - The Enchantress

Several days later, the Enchantress learned of her fate. The all-father had summoned her to his great hall to pronounce sentence upon her. She arrived at the appointed time, and stood outside before two of the guardsmen, before entering. They said nothing, but seemed to have a smirk upon their faces, as they held the great oaken door open for her. The Enchantress glared at them but did nothing else. She could not afford any type of incident, today of all days.
As she entered the hall, she saw the all-father gathered in close conference with sev... Continue»
Posted by gregster 2 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor, Shemales  |  Views: 164  |  
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all about this dream on sex

-I dream about this on about one day!
I can't give me enough to feeling free and be sexy for you and you will play with me ...
this begin on the one summer day on the beach, home in the bed or kitchen, bathrooms, anywhere you like to take me...
Are you Ready?

I dream of a day when I can get love to feel free and to enjoy the most wonderful at sex because I can't get enough of the cool show.. think of the most sexy man in the whole world ... and it may be more time in life, if it finally becomes reality, will it's be nices, but this the a dream is,
-where my thoughts just, flies me away ... Continue»
Posted by russin 2 years ago  |  Categories: Interracial Sex, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  Views: 153  |  
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A VERY Painful Trip to See Mistress V - Memoir

A few months after I consensually ‘****d’ Sharon in the kitchen (see my previous story) the relationship was over and all it remained was for the bungalow to be sold so that we could go our separate ways…

In the meantime I had bought a subscription to Axis which was basically a contact mag for those into Fetish and BDSM. I had also placed a personal advertisement in there which was answered by a ‘Mistress V’ who was seeking a long term sub/slave. After an exchange of phone calls she asked me to travel up and meet her for a chat. This is my recollection of the day…

*

Friday 5th ... Continue»
Posted by Kinky_Mushroom 1 year ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Sex Humor  |  Views: 1156  |  
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The teacher and the student - Part 3 (A loving tri

I had an appointment with Nanci scheduled for late Tuesday afternoon.
She was stressed-out and there was no reason to prolong her agony over her grades, and I was going to let her off the hook.
Even knowing that my coed selection had already been made for the year and she was no longer a possibility, Nanci still made me silently gasp as she walked through the door, and I could see the truly radiant beauty that she was. Even with her eyes downcast and a frown on her face, she was gorgeous.

After she was seated, I explained that I had been watching her progress in class and on the essays... Continue»
Posted by elausente 1 year ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 767  |  
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Sister And Me After The Rain




Hello, this is Subhash from Bhopal today i am going to share a secret with all You guys which really happen a few years before. i am an average boy 5.7 height normal weight n normal size lund . now let me introduce You with whom this incident happen . it was my s****r Sangeeta age 22 height 5.4 size 34,28 33 she was just a normal girl as any other . so let me come to the story . me n my s****r were close fro... Continue»
Posted by bava12 8 months ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 1464  |  
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Me And My Gf In Bangalore Lost Our Virginity



Hi all I’m Raj today m going to narrate my first sex story with my gf Munu (her nick name) which happened in July 2012. I’m a average guy with a dick of 6” and she had boobs of size 36. I and my gf were from North East India, she was studying in Tamil Nadu and me in Bangalore. We were in a relationship for 5 months. We decided to have sex as we used to have phone sex.

So she came to Bangalore, I went to railway station to pick her up. She was wearing salwar kamez was looking damn hot. We drove towards my home in my 2 wheeler
... Continue»
Posted by bava12 6 months ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 1081  |  
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