Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 103
A lazy, inattentive manc***d marries a hot, nagging wife. It's a television trope, a device that allows for lots of storyline hijinks. The characters' sex lives are barely implied or even nonexistant on screen, but what if
10. Temperance Brennan, BONES
Bones is no one's doting, submissive wife. She is unemotional & unattached; early in the series we learn that she enjoys casual NSA sex. A frequent diatribe from her is that the anthropological need for monogamy is outmoded. Bones would take a lover & coldly admonish you for if you were upset by it. Temperance is also one of the more like... Continue»
After my PG I joined a nationalised bank in Chennai. I was new to this place and people refused to give rooms to outsiders without proper introduction. I roamed around an finally got one room in a dingy locality with bathroom facility Somehow I wanted to stay and I thought I can change the room later to a convenient location.
My neighbour an elderly man working in a private firm, once asked me whether I am willing to take tuition for a college going girl for mat
Going back home and seeing Gail was an inspiration. But it also made me realize how much I missed getting boned by my old male partner Hank. Or how much I wanted Gail to shove one of her toys up my own ass. Once I discovered that they really weren't metal spikes that is.
After returning to New England I knew what I had to do. The Adult Bookstore was way outside of town in a fuckin' Industrial Park. What the hell it was doing out there I have no clue. Maybe they're putting fork lift motors in vibrators or something, for all I know. At any rate I found the place.
1. Globally, lovers are having sex 139 times a year. The French are the lovemaking pacesetters, according to the Durex Global Sex Survey 2002, coming in at 167 times each 365 days.
2. Condoms are biodegradable — some of them. Lambskin and latex condoms are biodegradable, but polyurethane condoms aren't.
3. Sex-enhancing CDs are being sold for setting the mood. Try some classical options to rock your world: Shacking Up to Chopin, Making Out to Mozart and Bedroom Bliss with Beethoven are available.
4. Don't douche — it's not recommended anymore. Douching washes away the healthy bacte... Continue»
Not being a big drinker there are not many bar stories that I can tell but I do have this one that is just so out there it’s hard to believe.
And I was there.
I’ve always been a motorcycle rider, it started out that I need transportation that was cheap starting a f****y on a retail pay limits your budget. So 10 year old Hondas or Kawasaki’s were what I could get.
Well after riding in any weather cold, wet, sleet and snow most people that I worked with or passed me on the road or were passed by thought that I was crazy or just one hard ass.
And I n... Continue»
The queue, waiting for the first lift is large, but my eyes focus happily on the blonde hair of a woman ahead of me, rather than the floor indicator above each lift. I love women like her, slim, mature, maybe even over fifty, dressed in a suit, shiny hair in a bob style, elegant and feminine.
I am going into the same lift as her, just so that I may gaze discretely at her and enjoy her good looks. My head thrills at the possibility that she has a thin blouse and underneath, a Camisole top. Utterly divine!
The right hand lift arrives and a mass of people shuffle sideways to get it, but ... Continue»
Why is it so many people want to be my friend? I mean seriously. You don't have to be friends with somebody in order to be friends. Some of my best friends aren't my friends, but we're really, REALLY GOOD friends. Then on the other hand, some of my friends aren't friends at all. We're just friends, is all. It's a shame, but that the way it is sometimes.
So why do you want to be my friend? We don't know each other. Out of the clear blue you swoop down and say, "HEY! You want to be friends?" --I don't know you! For all I know, you could be an axe murderer! Or worse, you co... Continue»
A few months after I consensually ‘****d’ Sharon in the kitchen (see my previous story) the relationship was over and all it remained was for the bungalow to be sold so that we could go our separate ways…
In the meantime I had bought a subscription to Axis
which was basically a contact mag for those into Fetish and BDSM. I had also placed a personal advertisement in there which was answered by a ‘Mistress V’ who was seeking a long term sub/slave. After an exchange of phone calls she asked me to travel up and meet her for a chat. This is my recollection of the day…
Friday 5th ... Continue»
Hai frnds i am suresh. Age 15. I am a studant. Ithu 2011 varudathil nadantha unmai kathai. My f****y dad, mom and me. En appa contractions manager. Amma janaki age 36. 5' tall. Size 34 32 38. Nala sivapu niram. Amma Ladies club member. Appa companyki unmaia work panraru. So epavum busy. Engalidam ore oru car than irunthathu. Athai appa use seithar. Appa epothum vetileye irukamatar. Mor 8am ponal nt 11pm than vetirku varuvar. Athanal ammavirku velie poga siramaka irunthathu. Athanal appa puthithaka car onru vankinar. Ammavirku car ota theriathathal driver oruvarai velaiki serthar. Avar peyar ra... Continue»
Conversation had been awkward to say the least, so when the laxatives kicked in, I , for one, was relieved. We were in the midst of talking about my wedding when a sudden gush of diarrhoea broke the tension. Immediately, my mother began to scoop it up and drink it like chocolate from a fountain. She rubbed it into her boobs and gargled it, sicked it up onto the floor and then began to poop herself. Hers came out in long, sausage-like logs. She threw one at me and we both laughed and rolled around on the floor.
The bouts of diarrhoea and poops continued for about half and hour, and during t... Continue»
Q: How do I know if I'm ready for sex?
A: Ask your boyfriend. He'll know when the time is right. When it comes to love and sex, men are much more responsible, since they're not as emotionally confused as women. It's a proven fact.
Q: Should I have sex on the first date?
A: YES. Before if possible.
Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex?
A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. The important thing to remember is that you must do whatever he tells you without question. Sometimes, however, he may ask you to do certain things that may at first seem strange to you. Do them anyway.
There are no words between you and Beth. She is still on top of you and you are staring into each other's eyes. You want this moment never to end, but Maggie will not let that happen.
"Ok Beth, get off that pig and let's get you cleaned up." Beth looks at Maggie then back at you.
"That's right... You are a pig." Beth says as she reaches down and playfully tweaks your nipple. Then she bends over and gives you one more kiss. Then she goes upstairs with Maggie and the girls and leaves you alone.
As you get off the table you forgot how sore your ass is but even that couldn't stop you from sm... Continue»
THE TUNNEL OF TERROR
In the late summer, just before school started, Veronica always went to the state fair with her friends. This year she set off for the fair early one hot, summer morning with her friends, Jane and Diane. They laughed and talked all the two hour ride to get there. Arriving at the fair, they joined the crowd of people circling the dusty midway lined with food stands, rides, and other amusements. By late afternoon, the three of them were getting bored, until they stumbled across a freak show exhibit. They decided to try it and went inside the patched tent. It was dark insid... Continue»
Recently I made an unexpected big splash in our new neighborhood. We just moved to a new home the end of this past week. The home was a former model home and it was the largest of the three model homes in a model center that was sold off and the previous office. So, naturally the home has all the bells and whistles. Well, that is except one thing... they disarmed the alarm system when we closed on the house. I noticed this when we were opening and closing the door constantly moving furniture in the front door. I wasn’t hearing the high pitched “beep” I used to hear when we first viewed the hou... Continue»
Man talks to his eleven-year-old son about sex...fifth stab at humor...
The Talk (Fifth stab at humor in sex)
Hello everyone. I know I talked about my ex-wife and mentioned my daughter briefly, but I never mentioned my son. His name is Mike. I just had to bring him up since this being a sex theme site, I was reminded of a talk we had some years ago. You know the talk. Oh yes, that talk. I can't recall how it went exactly, but I think it went something like this.
I was sitting around the kitchen table with my wife Kim. I had a bourbon in front of me and I was looking for... Continue»
Oh bl**dy hell she thought as the bus pulled away...I hate living in the fucking country! Now I’ve got half an hour to wait until the next one and......Fuck it! It’s starting to rain....
She’d been out with her mates and though she’d enjoyed it, it was sitting in a freezing,wet bus shelter that made her wonder if she’d not have been better staying in tonight.....Ah well.
It happened so quickly that she barely had time to panic.A young man with hood over head came galloping through the rain and almost knocked her down as he crashed into the shelter.
He threw back his hood and shook dr... Continue»
It's an amateur CGI film, running time 39 minutes. It has everything---Story, sex, emotion
. The uploader, thesandman01
, clearly put countless hours of work into it.
I dedicate this post to him. What follows is an adaption of his movie in a prose format. I have kept it as faithful to his film as possible, although I have condensed several scenes for editorial reasons.
"Just ten months ago, my life was in shatters.
Overly indulgent and depressing music playing, fade-out to dresser with shattered... Continue»
see the thing about me is im an outgoing type of guy .I like to experince new things every now and again just like any average guy or woman for that fact.So when i tell you about this story there will be vulgar language it started when i was about 23 i had met this freak by the name of bianca she was slick wit it in the bed she liked things like sex in the kitchen, anal in the bathtub , dick sucking in public like parks or in vacant lots, true freak.Although i enjoyed her presents it was just that she did very irrtating shit (things i will not go into) but let me tell youthis every body has th... Continue»
Two old guys were sitting in the park, talking, when the subject
turned to getting older. The first guy said "Women have all the luck
when it comes to getting older."
"What do you mean?" asked the second guy.
"Well," replied the first. "I can barely remember the last time I got
aroused in bed, but my wife is healthier than ever!"
"Healthier? How is that?" his buddy wondered.
"Years ago, when we were younger, almost every night before bed she'd
get these terrible headaches." he answered. "Now that we're older, she
hasn't had a headache in years."
Today I rode to the local medical marijuana dispensary on my bike. Let me rephrase, my bicycle. I have a car, but have much enjoyed the physical advantages to riding in reasonable distance on a bike. About five miles out, two in, I encountered a silver SUV stalled out in the right lane of a busy street I was biking through. Naturally I stopped because I am a good person, and I know the detrimental exchange of the bystander effect ( When there are more people around, a single person is less likely to help due to the idea that someone else will help out.) I hoped off my bike, asked... Continue»