Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 80
Pete and Joe have been friends all their lives. As such, they have shared quite a bit in the 30 or so odd years they have known each other. They shared a neighborhood. They shared a school. They shared friends. They shared the same d***ken babe the night of their first sexual experience. They now share an apartment, and in a few minutes they will be sharing a pizza.
"You did order the pizza," Pete asks quizzically, "right Joe?"
"Yea, I ordered the damn pizza."
"Extra sausage?" Pete asks.
"I got your sausage," says Joe sarcastically.
"What's taking Jose so long, he's usually... Continue»
The California Board of Education meeting once again ran late into the night. The stale air became stifling in the August evening, as the air conditioning units had been shut down over an hour ago. Tempers started to flare, as discussions had become as hot as the California sunshine. Arguments were heard and heard again with no end in sight.
"Look," said the chairman flatly, "we have to find a solution and soon. The dropout rate in the Southern California School system is at an all time high. Attendance rates are the worst in decades. Our federal funding is in jeopardy. If we don't fix this... Continue»
The Italian job 10
I must have dropped off to sl**p because the next thing I knew she was poking me in the ribs saying “come on sl**py, time to wake up” she said “I have some coffee for you” “what time is it” I said “10.00pm, we slept for 2 hours but I feel fantastic, you certainly managed to fill my void, thank you! not only for the sex but for making me feel like a real live woman again, the way your cock reacts to my nakedness is refreshing” she purred “you should get naked more often then” I said to her, she looked at me “are you saying you want to fuck me again?” she asked “ I don’t have... Continue»
Planet of the Gigantic schlongs
By The Iceman
It all began in a place not too long ago but in a faraway
place. There was a planet way out of the galaxy
that no researcher ever discovered and most likely
never will be. The story begins on a planet called
Weenus. Nobody knows how the planet got
its name. Perhaps we’ll never know…..
Although not very much is known about the history of the planet Weenus, there was something very unique about it. There was no war, pollution, crime or poverty that existed in any form. The inhabitants lived peacefully. But what was so unique about t... Continue»
Half a mile away, a thin needle pointing toward the sky, stood the office of Pussycat magazine, and on the tenth floor Senior Editor Josh Dill was puzzling over the latest vacation memo from personnel. "This is the worst piece of idiocy I've ever seen, " he complained to his secretary. "It looks like it was written by a computer having a nervous breakdown. Listen to this gibberish:
'Half a man-day shall not be equal to half a day unless the man is actually in the office for the full day, or half of a full day, as the case may be. (This also applies to female employees. '
What t... Continue»
This is my first story on here...
Please comment and tell me about similar events. (if you want more info i will be happy to inbox and share)
So i been on a social site on my cell for about 4 years now called moco. I have had all types of women of there from big to small, ugly to fine, short to tall. That damn moco have got me more ass than any other site.
So im in the "near me" chat room to holla at the local chicks around a month ago and this girl has "my lips your dick" on a pic of her's and licking her lips. So i shot at her "you must really like sucking dick..." she like " hell yea... Continue»
Music that would be playing in the background is as follows: Marilyn Manson "Sweet Dreams", Korn "Freak on a leash", Three days Grace "a****l i have become" and NIN "Closer". This is the first annual haunted hay ride for adults only with only 2 wagonfulls of people per night so early reservations are strongly recommended! This is an erotic ride for the halloween season for very sexual people, such as myself, to dress up and participate in the roles you are given. During the heat of the moment some participants if they wish can swap partners and so on. You must sign a disclaimer form before... Continue»
[/user]I had a cool threesome once. I fucked my buddy's wife along with him on her birthday. Then I fucked him too. I am not personally into dudes but he said that it was her ultimate fantasy to watch him with another man. Now, because it was her birthday, i had a little something to take the edge off, and I was fucking the woman, so I let him have a go at my virgin butt hole. Thank goodness he has a tiny dick and that her tongue fingers were very active the whole time especially to start it out. i almost jumped up and beat ass in his own bedroom at first because he got moving way too much wa... Continue»
The searing pain is the first thing I feel as I become aware of my surroundings. As I struggle to try to find the source of it and to make it stop I begin to realize that I am held down by straps on my ankles, wrists hips, neck, and head. I cannot move except to squirm in my bonds.
I try to look around, as I feel the pain ebb, but I realize that I must be blindfolded. I hear a soft, soothing woman's voice say "I'm sorry - we must have miscalculated your anesthesia." I try to respond, to plead for it to stop, but I feel my mouth filled with a cylindrical shape. I grunt, and the voice respon... Continue»
The Italian Job 9
Now to return to Italy, you remember that Maria had told me all about the situation when her father and uncle ****d her and I hope by now you have all forgiven me.
I got a phone call one morning at the factory, a strange sounding woman’s voice that asked me to meet her at the factory the following night, I asked what it was about and the voice just said it was a query on my contract, I then asked why it could not be dealt with during the day and she said she was out of town and would not be back till the evening and hoped it would not be a problem, I talked to Maria about i... Continue»
Are you drinking the water or the wave?
The midget, whose name was Markoff Chaney, was no relative of the famous Chaneys of Hollywood, but people did keep making jokes about that. It was bad enough to be, by the standards of the gigantic and stupid majority, a freak; much worse to be so named as to remind those big oversized clods of cinema's two most famous portrayers of monster-freaks. By the time the midget was fifteen, he had built up a detestation for ordinary mankind that dwarfed (he hated the word) the relative misanthropies of Paul of Tarsus, Clement of Alexandria or Swift of Dubli... Continue»
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: asl ?
Stranger: 15 f usa
You: 16 m france
You: are you sexy ?
You: tall, athletic body with 6 packs and blue eyes
Stranger: umm yeah ur sexy
Stranger: I'm shot, thin, athletic, blue eyes, blonde hair, and tan
You: hmm you're sexy too
You: so have you a bf ?
You: so you masturbate ?
You: how much o... Continue»
Oh bl**dy hell she thought as the bus pulled away...I hate living in the fucking country! Now I’ve got half an hour to wait until the next one and......Fuck it! It’s starting to rain....
She’d been out with her mates and though she’d enjoyed it, it was sitting in a freezing,wet bus shelter that made her wonder if she’d not have been better staying in tonight.....Ah well.
It happened so quickly that she barely had time to panic.A young man with hood over head came galloping through the rain and almost knocked her down as he crashed into the shelter.
He threw back his hood and shook dr... Continue»
Part 1 1
AT THE ORGASM RESEARCH FOUNDATION Dr. Roger Prong, who was known by some foundation employees as "a bl**dy Peeping Tom" and a "horny old voyeur" was in fact very scientific, or so he always insisted as he watched the girls having orgasms.
At the laboratory, Josie Welch, already nude but with a single sheet demurely spread over her full and obviously glorious body, looked unhappy as Roger entered.
"They tell me there won't be any men today,"
she said as soon as she saw the doctor.
"That's right, my dear," he said with professional unction. "That part of your testing i... Continue»
i will tell u my story! Sex with friends s****r
when i was 13 my friend's s****r is 8 year elder to me and him and her boobs is round and sexy, her armpits is very smelly and hairy. I often go his house to meet him but side-by-side I want to see his s****r. One day I had gone to his house and his s*s is sl**ping in pajama and her pajama (nightwear) is torn from her panty side and her panty is clearly visible. but i do nothing. After one week i go to his house nd that time he is not in house only his elder s****r is in house lonely in cut sleeves Kurti(top)nd in pajama(bottom wear) she say to ... Continue»
One day Lois came home from the store,Peter was still at work,Chris and Meg were still at school and Stewie was fast asl**p in his bedroom.She called out for Brian I got some of your favorite treats at the store Brian!Come sit on my lap Brian,she petted him and brushed his fur,say Brian how would you like to use that long K9 tongue on my hungry red bush?"Would I Lois",I thought you'd never ask!Lois slid her pants off and tossed her panties on the floor.Ooh I'm getting so wet thinking about your tongue on my pussy Brian leaned in tasting the musky damp wetness between Lois's thighs,he began to ... Continue»
The Italian Job 8
The second part of this tale involves the interpreter “I know, I know” I can hear you all saying “Oh not another fucking interpreter” but hear me out and draw your own conclusions after.
Mrs Chikolova was supposed to be our interpreter for the duration of the job but it turned out that she could hardly speak any English although she could read it but no one else could speak any English so no one knew she couldn’t, to look at her you would have thought she was a middle aged spinster but she was indeed married, she was in the habit of wearing dark blue dresses that had small ... Continue»
lol when i first lost my virginity it was so cool. my cousin and b*o set it up all for me. it was one night in oshkosh wisconsin i went up to my cousin apartment and we were all chillin smoking and drinking and it was this thick redbone from millwakue wisconsin- boi was she thick. anyway everybody leave the room and we're talking.
She say, "let's see what you tawking about" and im like, "aight" so she say, "let's go in the room" and im like, "ight" so knwing us we go in the room and start kissing. im tipsy off the Amsterdam and her tongue all on my mine while were kissing and shit. lol ... Continue»
i will tell u my story! Sex with friends s****r
when i was 13 my friend's s****r is 8 year elder to me and him and her boobs is round and sexy, her armpits is very smelly and hairy. I often go his house to meet him but side-by-side I want to see his s****r. One day I had gone to his house and his s*s is sl**ping in pajama and her pajama (nightwear) is torn from her panty side and her panty is clearly visible. but i do nothing. After one week i go to his house nd that time he is not in house only his elder s****r is in house lonely in cut sleeves Kurti(top)nd in pajama(bottom wear) she say
Apart from this, the perfect girlfriend is a career-minded woman who earns more than their partner but at the same time wants to stay at home and bring up the c***dren.
The clue to these seemingly contradictory demands lies in the men polled, 3,000 bachelors.
Near the top of their girlfriend checklist is the requirement that she should have a "pert bottom" – which may explain why they are still single.
And while three-quarters of the men polled said their ideal woman would keep her weight in check, 89 per cent also wanted her to tuck into a big meal without worrying. These perfect ... Continue»