Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 80
Man talks to his eleven-year-old son about sex...fifth stab at humor...
The Talk (Fifth stab at humor in sex)
Hello everyone. I know I talked about my ex-wife and mentioned my daughter briefly, but I never mentioned my son. His name is Mike. I just had to bring him up since this being a sex theme site, I was reminded of a talk we had some years ago. You know the talk. Oh yes, that talk. I can't recall how it went exactly, but I think it went something like this.
I was sitting around the kitchen table with my wife Kim. I had a bourbon in front of me and I was looking for... Continue»
Igot shouted waving the letter at his wife Her-Peas. She could see it looked official but as she hadn’t read it, couldn’t tell what it was even though her husband was wafting it around like some demented swan trying to take off.
“I don’t know dear, she smiled
“It’s only a letter from Pen.E. Sillen and Aunty Biotics they are planning to marry. It’s a big enough disgrace to the f****y that she married that Biotics bloke but a Sillen.
Igot was pacing up and down. He very rarely became ruffled and was normally a very smooth operator. That was one of the reasons Her-... Continue»
Temp job as limo driver has definite benefits...a celebrity story...
Temp Job (You'll like it...it's the best)
I have a confession to make. They say confession is good for the soul, so here I am. Now that I am this hot sex fantasy writer on this sex fantasy website, people have been expecting me to keep coming up with hot stories. But the truth of the matter is, my sex life has not really been all that exciting. If I had to write the Kama Sutra it would only be one page. In 48 years on the planet, I really have not had that many exciting sexual experiences. I already told y... Continue»
Locked inside the Playboy Mansion and no way out...every guy should have this problem...
As the eighties wore on my friend Rich's telephone business began to prosper. I stayed along for the ride and eventually became his partner. I had gone back to school nights at Rutgers to complete my degree in electrical engineering. After a while I suggested to Rich that we expand our core business to include sophisticated alarm systems. There was a growing need for more and better security systems and we had the know how to service that need. Installing and maintaining ... Continue»
Man gets to lead the life of a rich man...if only for a day...
Back in the day, the early 1980's to be precise, I was badly in need. In need of a job, to be more specific. These were times of prosperity for most. The Dow had recently hit 2000, which was a record. The economy was booming and would continue to do so throughout most of the decade. Everyone and everything seemed to be doing great, except for me. Being the remarkably perceptive dude he was, my friend Rich sensed my need for employment. He had recently started a small company installing and mai... Continue»
I'm sure this is a true story...for somebody...
Johnny And Mary, A True Story...
Now Johnny knew Mary since they were little tykes,
Running in the field, riding their bikes,
Like other little k**s, they stayed out all day,
Doing their chores, later they'll play,
Johnny and Mary went to school,
Tried real hard, act real cool,
Johnny noticed Mary started to grow real fine,
Nice firm breasts, big behin',
Johnny thought he'd take him a chance,
He asked Mary to the high school dance,
Mary said fine, pick me up at eight,
Dress real sharp, now don't be late,
The Italian Job 11
I awoke again about 07.30, it took a few seconds to get my bearings then there was a stirring in my groin and I realised I was spooned up with her again, she turned as she woke bringing her face very close to mine in the bed, I straightened my legs down the bed and she brought her hips into me, passing a leg onto the top of mine, she had her eyes open and she was watching me “are you ok this morning?” she asked “I feel terrific” I replied “ any second thoughts or regrets?” she continued “why should there be?” I countered “last night you had sex with a woman who could be you... Continue»
Man pretends to be a woman on an adult story/chat site...
SilkPanties22 (Fourth stab at humor in sex)
One of my newfound hobbies, so to speak, is reading and writing sex fantasy stories on a sex fantasy website. It is a site I stumbled across while innocently reading an article on sex fantasy.
Since joining the site I have found myself fascinated by the number and variety of sex fantasies. It has provided me with countless hours of entertainment. Reading people's fantasies is sort of a way to get into their minds unobserved. I even wrote a few of my own.
Reading t... Continue»
Back in my yout at college, (Mr. Campeezi, did you say yout ?), my roommate and a buddy decided to set me up on a blind date. They even pointed her out at a bar one night. She was attractive but not stunning. So, I agreed. We were all going out to a county fair. Of course when we met up, she was not the girl they pointed out. She was tall, very skinny with glasses and a pasty complexion. I didn’t want to be rude but this was going to be difficult. My buddies were almost falling down laughing. Her name was Janet but she kind of had a speech impediment which made it sound like Shanet. I had to ... Continue»
Part of my job is giving advice to groups of around 40 people; the reason for the small numbers is in my field of work and a lot of individuals need to ask many questions and you could be their all night.
Last Monday I was in Harrogate doing a talk. In the front row, smack in the middle were this good looking couple in their 40s, he had a very expensive suit on and she had this wonderful short dress showing quite a lot of leg extenuating her figure with a nice pair of black and red high heels. As I was talking the woman kept crossing her legs one way then the other and this caused her dress t... Continue»
A vicar asks his congregation if anyone would like to express thanks for their answered prayers.
A young woman makes her way to the front of the church and turns to face the congregation. "I would like to give thanks to my answered prayers! she announces. "Six months ago, my husband, had a terrible bicycle accident and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was agonizing and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."
A stifled gasp came from every man in the congregation as they imagined the pain that the poor man must have experienced.
The young woman continued, "My ... Continue»
Beginner’s Meeting, A Play
Scene 1: A church basement. An odd looking assortment of people are sitting on metal folding chairs arranged in a circle. In the corner is a table with coffee and donuts.
Charles: Middle aged man, about 40 dressed in a plaid sweater. He is the group leader.
Pete: a.k.a. Pervert Pete, a graying man of about 60 dressed in a raincoat.
Bob: A fidgety man of about 35 who continually clutches an inflatable sheep.
Alan: Middle aged man of about 48 dressed casually in jeans and a dress shirt.
Carrie: Middle aged woman, about 45 dressed rather scantily. ... Continue»
Not good with writing stories, just joined x hamster a few months ago, but anyways this is a true story it just happened to me earlier today. (10/1/11)
So my mom and i went to to Target to get some stuff, and like i normally do at most stores i go check out the electronics section and game section while my mom shops for food and stuff. So im checking out the new game releases for xbox like MW3 and Battlefield, then i see a shelf full of these cool funny shirts in the mens clothing department. As i was reading all of these funny shirts i briefly looked up and my eyes met this woman who was s... Continue»
Lita had been driving across the country for hours and she was exhausted. All she wanted was a stiff drink and a good night's sl**p. She drove a couple more miles before coming across a bar on one side of the road, and a motel on the other. "Perfect!" she said out loud. She pulled into the parking lot, turned off the engine and got out of the car, locking it behind her.
As soon as she walked in the bar, Lita noticed two things....great music and nothing but women. She thought, 'A lesbian bar? No way!' She had always wanted to go to a lesbian bar, so she was rather excited. She sat d... Continue»
We rested awhile, lying in the soft grass under a warm spring sun. It was my idea of a perfect place to fuck. I imagined how going to this place as a teen would have made me grow up a very different person.
Soon, we started the walk back toward camp. We stopped several times, and Max pointed out some of the interesting flowers and trees around us. At one stop, Max turned to face the side of the trail and started to pee into a bush. He held his cock casually in one hand and just let it flow.
“I wish I could do that,” I commented. I really had to pee. “I shoulda gone before w... Continue»
Pete and Joe have been friends all their lives. As such, they have shared quite a bit in the 30 or so odd years they have known each other. They shared a neighborhood. They shared a school. They shared friends. They shared the same d***ken babe the night of their first sexual experience. They now share an apartment, and in a few minutes they will be sharing a pizza.
"You did order the pizza," Pete asks quizzically, "right Joe?"
"Yea, I ordered the damn pizza."
"Extra sausage?" Pete asks.
"I got your sausage," says Joe sarcastically.
"What's taking Jose so long, he's usually... Continue»
The California Board of Education meeting once again ran late into the night. The stale air became stifling in the August evening, as the air conditioning units had been shut down over an hour ago. Tempers started to flare, as discussions had become as hot as the California sunshine. Arguments were heard and heard again with no end in sight.
"Look," said the chairman flatly, "we have to find a solution and soon. The dropout rate in the Southern California School system is at an all time high. Attendance rates are the worst in decades. Our federal funding is in jeopardy. If we don't fix this... Continue»
The Italian job 10
I must have dropped off to sl**p because the next thing I knew she was poking me in the ribs saying “come on sl**py, time to wake up” she said “I have some coffee for you” “what time is it” I said “10.00pm, we slept for 2 hours but I feel fantastic, you certainly managed to fill my void, thank you! not only for the sex but for making me feel like a real live woman again, the way your cock reacts to my nakedness is refreshing” she purred “you should get naked more often then” I said to her, she looked at me “are you saying you want to fuck me again?” she asked “ I don’t have... Continue»
Planet of the Gigantic schlongs
By The Iceman
It all began in a place not too long ago but in a faraway
place. There was a planet way out of the galaxy
that no researcher ever discovered and most likely
never will be. The story begins on a planet called
Weenus. Nobody knows how the planet got
its name. Perhaps we’ll never know…..
Although not very much is known about the history of the planet Weenus, there was something very unique about it. There was no war, pollution, crime or poverty that existed in any form. The inhabitants lived peacefully. But what was so unique about t... Continue»
Half a mile away, a thin needle pointing toward the sky, stood the office of Pussycat magazine, and on the tenth floor Senior Editor Josh Dill was puzzling over the latest vacation memo from personnel. "This is the worst piece of idiocy I've ever seen, " he complained to his secretary. "It looks like it was written by a computer having a nervous breakdown. Listen to this gibberish:
'Half a man-day shall not be equal to half a day unless the man is actually in the office for the full day, or half of a full day, as the case may be. (This also applies to female employees. '
What t... Continue»