Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 78
1. Beer is always wet. Vagina needs a little work. One point to BEER
2.Warm beer tastes awful. One point to VAGINA
3.A really cold beer is satisfying. One point to BEER
4.If after taking a swig of your favourite beer you find a hair between your teeth, you may vomit. One point to VAGINA
5. If you get home reeking of beer your wife may get mad, make a scene, kick you out, etc. If you get home reeking of vagina your wife may get mad, kick you out, even leave you. There's definitely a point to be had here, depending on your point of view and personal circumstances. I'll just call it a DRAW f... Continue»
The new guy on the block
The other day my friend Jay comes over to my house and he wants to show me that his bald spot has grown so much that he has completely shaved his head. My son Mark comes in to say hi, soon as he sees Jay he runs out the room screaming. I thought that was odd but I figure he was just playing since he's known Mark since he was in diapers. The next day Jay comes over to help me work on my car, Mark comes out to hangout with dad, takes one look at Jay and again he goes running away yelling and screaming. I figure must have had to much sugar and ... Continue»
Omg Iv only had sex with one guy as was with the same guy for four years and he never once made me orgasm.. I thought maybe it was me that i wasnt as sensitive down there as other girls or something..anyway I know now that he just wasnt doing it for me because last night I had a really naughty cam session with a guy from manchester..he was really fit and in great shape especially for his age(59)
He said he had a thing for school girls so i put on an old school uni that fit me when i was 14 but makes a great slutty outfit now. the skirt barely covers my bum as i always wore it short anyhow.
My wife and I were up at the lake visiting her cousin, and were returning by boat from dinner. We all had a buzz on, and let the girls off at the dock, and Steve, my wifes’ cousins husband said he needed cigarettes, and we went back out in the boat to get them. It was dark, we had the running lights on, and when we reached the pass, he turned them off and turned right and said there is a party down the lake, and I want you ot meet this Nympho, and get laid real quick, and we can come back home, and jump in the lake, and she won’t be able to smell the pussy on you. I said “hell yeah”, and off w... Continue»
We had just left Savannah, Georgia, and were heading back north to Ft. Bragg, N.C. We were in my 68 Convertible Corvette, and Anya was always a horny b---h, when I started to play with her pussy, and she reached over and pulled my shorts down to my feet, and started to suck me. I was passing a panel van, when I looked over and saw this young driver looking at us and grinning, and giving me the thumbs up. I pulled her mini-skirt up around her waist, exposing her beautiful ass in a thong. Next thing I knew there were 2 more heads looking out the same window, with sh-t eating grins on their faces... Continue»
part 3 continuation of "Lunch Break"
I arrive home before you
no surprise...you went in to work an hour later today
I stop by the fridge and grab a beer
going to the bedroom I strip out of my work clothes...down to my boxers
tonight we're going out clubbing
"Let's see...what to wear...what to wear..."
looking in the closet I select a pair of jeans that I know you like
they're somewhat tight...but you like the way they show off my ass
now for a shirt...hmmmm...we'll go with the light blue button down you gave me last Christmas
it's your favorite...you say that it accentuates my bl... Continue»
About a year ago I experienced every boys fantasy when I fucked a Super Hero...well sort of.
I found myself invited by my b*****r-in-law to the San Diego Comic Con, he had planned to go with his friend but at the last minute he cancelled so after much prodding by my s****r I went. Now don't get me wrong I like comics as much as the next guy I just don't see much point in dressing up as your favorite character...or at least I didn't until I made my way to the convention hall. The place was packed with colorful characters from comics and science fiction both men and women, and amazingly the w... Continue»
So I spent the night over my good friends house last night. We had a lil bit to much wine. Her husband was out. Later we both got sl**py so she said just get in bed with me. My husband can sl**p on the couch. So we both fell asl**p butt naked. Later I heard her husband come in. He just got naked and in the bed with us. I paid him no mind. He began playing with his big dick. He rolled over on my friend and was beating her pussy up! it was so quiet all I could hear was the sound of her wet pussy. This turned me on. Her husband than took his fingers and started rubbing my wet pussy. He told my fr... Continue»
There are many things that change how people live and nothing is really the essence of the dating and marriage. It is marriage brings balance in people's lives and make sure that you are ready to change how you live and life map. A dating site is one of the places you should check if you are looking for a system; a dating partner brings your way.
It is very important to know that a changed little in life more and more effective so don't miss the big picture. Most important thing is that many men looking for <strong><em><a href="http://www.teenxdating.com/">meet girls</a></em></strong> tonig... Continue»
part 2 continuation of "Wake Up!"
After this morning's "wake up" I couldn't focus on work all morning
my thoughts are of nothing but you
your flawless creamy white skin, ample breasts and firm round ass
the scent of your perfume
your light brown hair that frames your angelic face
the pout of your full luscious lips
and your eyes, I lose myself in their dreamy caramel luster
I arrive at our meeting spot, the drinking fountain by the supply closet
you're not there, you're late
we only have 30 minutes for lunch
you said that you had a surprise for me
what could it be...
a new rest... Continue»
The next few weeks were challenging to say the least. Keeping our affair a secret while expressing animosity in public was trying for both of us. It got so bad that when we finally did have moments to ourselves we'd cry in each others arms.
Things became especially challenging when Brad's Mother invited me to their Timeshare in the Hamptons for a Month.
We'd be on the shore soaking up sun and i'd see April in her bathing suit and want desperately to fuck her. We'd quietly slip away and make out among the dunes or have a quick, passionate fuck in the last stall of a public bathroom but ... Continue»
They met at the railway station as planned. The reporter, with her list of questions, camera and recorder, and the girl with nothing to hide. After ordering a couple of drinks, they took a table in a dark back corner of the bar and started talking, without actually getting into the interview. Once the reporter's gear was all ready, she asked the girl if she still wanted to go through with this. With a big smile, she nodded "yes".Reporter
: "This is Lauren O'Riordan with..."
: "...with Molly. It's just gone 6 pm on a lovely Wednesday evening, and... Continue»
Guys always say that it's easy for a woman to get some dick. Maybe that's true but then, what kind of dick is she gonna get ? Tonight, alone, k**s gone to their dad's, making some calls to some guys, but no one is answering their cell. Call up my Jamaican friend, n/a, call up my African friend, n/a, call up my American friend who's in S.A. and he says he'll call me back, but then, no news.
Oh ! almost forgot, I called up two different Haitian guys, but N/A !! lol
So, I figure, I'm gonna smoke some weed, watch a porn and play with myself but realize, after I start watching this vid that ... Continue»
It had always been a fantasy of mine to have sex in the shower. To have a hot chick caress my naked body while hot soapy water cascaded over us. Never in my wildest dreams did I think my Best Friends s****r would be that woman. It didn't even occur to me that she'd be staring up at me with her emerald eyes as she absolutely devoured my hard cock.
"Stop that tickles!" April giggled as I gently ran my fingers through her hair.
"I'm not doing anything." I said.
"It's your cock, it's poking my butt cheek."
I looked down at my lap and sure enough my erect dick was poking April's cheek... Continue»
Please see part one for the explanation to this extract.
By five o’clock, Sarah had had enough and called a time out. Nicole’s enthusiasm for spending Daniela’s money had worn her out and in any case if it continued like this, Sarah grumbled, then Daniela would be reduced to busking on street corners to make ends meet. Besides, the day was still warm enough to make the prospect of a glass of beer on a sunny cafe terrace an inviting prospect. Wearily Sarah deposited her bags beside a free table and lowered herself gratefully into a... Continue»
This and the following part two are extracts from my novel "Sarah's Garden." They aren't really explicit erotica but rather an amusing account of two newly out lesbian girls let loose by their girlfriends for a day's shopping in town and a spot of girl watching with some rather startling results. Just a bit of fun really for your amusement.
“Well all I can say is that it’s going to be an interesting encounter with your mum tomorrow Nicky!” declared Sarah feelingly as she steered her BMW along the west bound autobahn a little outside Zur... Continue»
Just a quick story about me at work, i work in a well known store and i love to wear my uniform skirt with tiny see through pantys. When i'm stocking shelves or sitting on the tills i make sure that customers get a good view. I've been very wet more than once because it turns me on knowing the view there getting, i even let one hunky guy touch me through my knickers when no one was looking, how risky but he had a massive bulge. My top is also white and see through and i'll often go braless again letting the customers see my boobs and nipples i love it, need to be careful though if i'm caught i... Continue»
Hey friend I'm sexy boy or main delhi main rahta hun mujhe kafi time ho gaya hai sex stories read kerte hue. Aaj main aapko aapni ek real story batata hun. Baat un dino ki hai jab main naya naya chating kerne laga tha tab meri ek net friend bani ushka naam tha chanchal jo delhi main rahti hai. Main har roj ushke sath chat kerta tha. Or chat kerte kerte pata nahi hum kab ek dusre ki sari baaten jan gaye. Ushne mujhe bataya ki ushko sex bahut pasand hai to ek din main ush se milne chala gaya.. Tab ushne program banaya or hum dono ushki ek friend ke ghar chale gaye. Waha per ushki ek friend pahle... Continue»
So, like, there was this woman, and she had really big tits, because that’s sexy. I mean, really big tits, like, she could topple an orphanage with them, and that’s sexy. And there was this guy; he didn’t have big tits, because that’s not very sexy. And one day he was like “hey, let’s do sex”
and she was all like “okay.”
So they started having sex and the guy was like “oh yeah” and the girl was just lying there like a corpse because that’s sexy and then the guy was all like “ooh, you feel like my mom”
and the girl was just like “uhh.”
The guy was giving it to her... Continue»