Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 76
Damn, I hated the noise. No matter where you went, it was the same. Somehow, the deejays around the world must have all gone to the same identical music store. There, they learned to turn the volume up until it hurt and loudspeakers only produced distortion.
Even here at the bar, it was near impossible to hear the barmaid. She showed me four fingers, meaning four dollars for my beer. I wondered what sign she would make for five dollars and seventy-five cents? She was a beautiful woman with reddish hair and a little bit shorter than me. Maybe five foot six. Like most barmaids, she was dresse... Continue»
there bodies were drapped in a golden hue they had tattos of other woman on there bodies the images were almost alive like they could reach out and touch you see this i payed no attention to the first time because lights were off and my mind was feeled with such sexual passion that i did nt notice these things but when it came to the light i def... notice that they were different you see these were woman of the rain , of water meaning that there non existing but they are because ,i can see them ,i can smell them ,and i sure as hell can feel them so call it what you will .My Golden Godess "... Continue»
Last night I found my mark. The person who I was taking home with me and fucking all night long. I love a challenge and am most often successful. Luckily tonight, it's a woman. I've had too much dick this week and have been dying to taste some pussy. Standing at the end of the bar in a dress, I found out later that she made, was "D." She had several visible tattoes, long white legs, and the most plump bottom lip I almost instantly sucked. It didn't take long to get her into the bathroom. Needed some more information before I wasted my time; like can she use that bottom... Continue»
Being on xHamster for 408 days doesn’t make me a porn king or Ron Jeremy but i’m on here long enough to know that this is one to remember.
I recently realized that if i log on every day i would end up with alot of favourite video’s and photo’s. At this moment its one sexual energy explosion in my head and i can’t stop clicking on “add to favourite video’s” or “add to favourite whatever” for that matter.
Many people would categorize me as just one of the million horny “pull out my dick” kind of guy but i would beg to... Continue»
The light fog added a moisture to the air. The coolness of the night wrapped around her like a wet towel, sending a shiver up her spine. She was lucky she knew the area so well, or she could have easily become lost. She looked through the trees at the house where he lived, slightly smiling at the one electric candle burning in the kitchen window.
Little did he know that the candle provided a signal for her. He, in his excitement, meant the signal for another. Just the thought of what she had planned had her so excited that she could barely control her movements. She was wet down to mid-thig... Continue»
I've always been a very sexual person. My husband realized this and since then has encouraged me to continue to have fun as along as I let him know what I'm doing and even let him watch (smile) if he's around. I was very reluctant at first because I felt I was happy with my sex life.
One day when we were coming home from a friends wedding and staying over night in a hotel, we struck up a conversation in the hotel bar with a salesman, who happened to sell wine, yum. The guy seemed nice enough and was very funny. He was a much older man though, probably in his early 50s, a bit ... Continue»
She reaches around and tugs him out of his boxers.
“Uh, Crowley’s Books… do you, what are ah… excuse me… what…”
“Really!” She wraps one leg around. “I used to work there. I was a leftover for a while, you know, a call-in? Fucking Simon, wanted to fucking castrate him sometimes. Does Barak still work there?”
And he’s unable to follow her words, following her smile, and strange figures emerge from her lips, a lipstick formed from the bl**d of saints and martyrs to her causes and it’s coming loose of her lip... Continue»
My job working for a temp agency was a lot of fun while I had it. I was
just out of college and looking for work in the film industry, and needed a
way to get myself food and shelter--a couple of luxuries I had grown
accustomed to over the years. The temp job was good for a guy in my
position--I often could pick my own hours, it never got boring (as I rarely
stayed at any one place more than a couple of weeks) and it paid pretty well,
especially since I usually got the higher paying word processing jobs. I
knew my way around computers and could do more with word processing programs
The noise didn't fit! Arriving home I entered our house and stopped to listen. The sound of the woman was familiar yet wrong. What I mean is, the orgasm sounds was that of my wife,but it was accompanied by sobs yet not distressing sobs. - "You fucking shit,your cums right up inside me you idiot!"
Now that was my wife in orgasm,but the sob bit was out of place! - Do I charge in and destroy the cock that was in her? - Who is in her? I am inclined to always ascertain what's going on before - metaphorically speaking - killing the person found to be at fault. At the same tim... Continue»
as i mentioned befor i was puzzled were could they havewent? i thought to myself as i continued on with the day one of my coworkersasked meif every thing was o kay i replied yes,i just had a wildnight she smerkedand said i hope it was 1 to remeber i replied it sure was one i wont forget it for a while and smiled back soas the day progressed it was time to go home and basically follow same routine but the night had come and gone i didnt think i would ever have that encounter again when suddenly she appeared and things were just as before it was a rather stormy night but not to bad there were n... Continue»
I wrote this for a ladyfriend whom I went on to have a wild weekend with - ish!
After reading it, she claimed to have rushed to her nearest pub, picked up a man and then fucked his brains out! See what you think!
The sand was so white and pebble-free it could have been snow, but for the intense heat from the cloudless blue sky.
The Mediterranean Sea was crystal clear, very warm and very welcoming.
Mandy marvelled at the view, she was a week into her holiday with her partner and her tan was starting to brown away the sore red burns.
She sat her small frame up on the sun-lounger, i... Continue»
I was taking a walk one spring evening in the hills behind my house. When I rounded a bend, a strange sight suddenly confronted me: a man in bright colored clothing was coming towards me. When he saw me, he made an exaggerated stop and promptly walked up to me and pulled a flower from behind my ear. He gave it to me with an elaborate bow, then beckoned me to follow him. By now, this strange clown had caught my interest, so I was more than willing to follow him. I have been fascinated by clowns since I was a k**, and this one wasn’t bad to look at either.
He led me to a wooded, seclude... Continue»
One of many tales I wrote - with many more to come if I get feedback!
Eurotica 14: First day of the holiday
Lorna was sitting back on her plastic chair and looking up, there was barely a cloud to be seen in the sky and a distant jet plane broke the blue void.
She was sat on the top balcony of the holiday apartment, the sun was high in the midday sky and the heat was entering every pore.
She was a redhead and her pale skin could suffer in that climate, it was for the best not to overdo it on the first day of the holiday. Why be in pain for the rest of it?
She put her sunglasses b... Continue»
"No officer I'm not smuggling i*****ls, my girl friend's giving me head in
the car, OK? We have a law against cell phones and texting but there's nothing
that says you can't get blown while driving, right?!"
Every time I fly into Tucson, the airport gets longer and longer.
It doesn't help no matter what airline I use they always wind up
at the gate furthest from baggage claim.
It's just as well Tommy didn't fly with me to Tucson. That would
be a little hard to expla... Continue»
now this is some shit thats hrd to belive
never could i ever imagined what was going to happen to me
as i lay therelost in a dream filled with differentwoman in front of me
somewere black somewere whitethe majority looked like white but as i stared getting to know each one it was clearthat race didnt really appear wellat least 2 me it didnt becausetheonlything i saw were nice shaped bodys notthe way u would think...but niced shaped in a way that appealed...to me...
the roundest of tits the thickness in there assess and legs u see i like that shit it turns me on callme different call mewron... Continue»
Friday 5th September 2003 - I'm off on a long weekend. I'm sat on a train and my eventual destination is East Croydon though I will have to change at Haslemere.
I have arranged to meet and have a drink with a certain Mistress V with regards to my suitability to become her sub – it's only a preliminary meeting and I haven't brought along my favourite plastic beach shoe or garden cane.
For some reason I recall a paragraph I once read many years ago in a book about sexual perversion something along the lines that: The whip cracking, leather clad, fierce, obedience seek... Continue»
A few years back and I'm in the doctor's surgery - I have something that is worrying me.
My doctor is Indian, and charming, and for some reason he reminds me of Kenneth More.
‘Do you think you could just drop your trousers and pants please?’
I'm kind of uncomfortable with it but I comply nevertheless.
Whilst I do that he slips on a surgical rubber glove.
He comes up to me and gently feels around my testicles. I don't think he finds anything.
‘That reminds me’ He says ‘I must pick up some onion bhajis for tea.’
He pulls the glove of... Continue»
Time: 2030. Place: The northern side to the entrance of Ryde Harbour on the Isle of Wight.
From where I am, facing west, the most significant feature is Ryde Pier. The pier constructed in 1815 is the oldest pier in Britain. It is the fourth longest behind: Southend, Southport and Walton-on-Naze. It actually consists of three piers: one for the railway, another for a tramway - disused since 1969 and the busiest section which is utilised by pedestrians, cyclists and light traffic.
As I hold this in my minds eye a train rumbles down the tracks. The train has two coaches and is of ex London Unde... Continue»
I’m just on the way round to see the Minger… it’ll be for the last time because once I’ve shagged her gross little body I’m going to dump her… naturally she doesn’t know that. In fact I’ve really been quite nice to her recently… well nice by my standards… built up her hopes that we will be ‘an item’, perhaps get married one day.
Me… married? That’s a facking laugh… show me a ‘happily’ married man and I’ll show you a facking loser… and I’ll tell you why he’s a fa... Continue»
The new band singer knew just how to put her new band mate at ease.
She looked up at him and began to pull on her pussy hairs, and slowly
pull apart her vulva.
"Here I am!" she sang. "Rock me like a hurricane!"
(Time now for something different, This story is the first
of a new series that has has nothing to do with Trangender,
bisexual,chubby chasing, Larry/Lori, Ready Jane at Wild Crescent)
He was a man of few words. Most of the time his bass guitar
and body language did all his talking for him. Right n... Continue»