Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 76

The Deal

The Stories I’m writing here are absolutely true.

2010, July 22
About 8:15 pm

I almost wanted to fall on my knees and thank God when it began to rain after it had 34° Celsius the whole day. It was not a heavy rainfall, but you could already feel the temperature sinking on your skin and see how the cold water fell to the ground and the cars. Nevertheless, the film I saw together with Claude in the drive-in theatre was ruined but as lucky as we have been the movie ended anyway. I let him take me out this evening, three days after my quite albuminous I made a decision. I was single, had my... Continue»
Posted by Bea69 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  Views: 627  |  
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I Wish I Knew

This was actually a song writing attempt from the 90's...hence the odd form...

I Wish I Knew

Where did you come from, who are you?
Where do you live, what do you do?
Did we share a bottle, did we share a drink?
Did we discuss what each of us think?
But you're lying next to me all the same,
I just wish I could remember your name.

How did you get here, did you drive your car?
Or did we meet in that corner bar?
Did I walk you home, did I hold the door?
Did you find me interesting or another bore?
But you're lying next to me all the same,
I just wish I could rememb... Continue»
Posted by Exakta66 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 221  |  
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Nice surprise from a date site...

About 18 months ago, I met a lady in her mid 40's through a date site. She had been married for 20 years, was bored as hell with the relationship but, like a lot of people, did not want to rock the boat at home. So she looked for fun outside....

The chat between us before meeting was a bit unusual - she wanted to know how I would seduce her and make love to her etc etc. Usually this is fairly erotic, but there was something 'different' about this lady. We agreed to meet up and she came and stayed with me for the evening and night.

She was a BBW lady, who I will just call Tina. She told ... Continue»
Posted by jasper61 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 932  |  
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Broken Dreams

We all have someone in our lives we cherish, even love. sometimes... we hate them, other times... we call them simply to hear there comforting voice. and there are moments when your alone with them, and feel like... life is perfect. At least when it happens to me... I could hope time slows down enough that I can enjoy each second of it. After thinking about it, that is what friends are... we are just Tied to Fate.

After a week of being at home alone I got a call from a friend. It was cliff who as concerned of my unwillingness to leave the house. the only thing I could say was.
"I jus... Continue»
Posted by QuietSoul 2 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Sex Humor, Shemales  |  Views: 808  |  
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The Summer Sex Drought's Ended - This Time It

This is another true story from a year in college that had a series of unusual sexual and fun incidents that occurred after a summer of not getting laid due to a work schedule that put me out of touch with my network of friends.

Keri, the girl from my story “Jan Curing My Summer Sex Drought” was starting to attend my college a few weeks after my encounter with Jan at the party, where Keri’s advances were frustrated by Jan’s bold move to burst into the bathroom and give me an ambush fuck.

Keri was a cute blonde with a nice body who I pretty much ignored during high school, but what I ... Continue»
Posted by nvision 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 408  |  
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The Italian Job 12

The Italian job 12
The day had come for the party at Roseanna’s house, the plan was to drive there on the Friday afternoon, have the party all day Saturday & Saturday night then make our way home on the Sunday.
I went to Yvonne and Maria’s home on the Friday lunch time and collected them along with Sonia then we all drove to Ravenna to the party venue, Roseanna was waiting at the door with Hazel in the background, the ladies had the tour of the house and we were shown to our rooms, dinner was to be a 7.00pm, quite a lot of guests had arrived already and Yvonne and Sonia were already popular ... Continue»
Posted by the_priest 2 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 348  |  
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Leslie Loves Sneaking Sex

Leslie, (from the blowjob story) was a really hot girl I met in high school, dated some much older guy during her first year in college but for the upcoming second year of school had broken up with him. For the second year she was moving into an apartment near me with her long time friend Sue.

The first day we moved in, Leslie called me and I invited her and Sue over to my apartment for a few drinks. Sue hit it off with one of my roommates and Leslie asked me to go back to her apartment. She clearly wanted to finish what started a over a year earlier and when we got back to her apartme... Continue»
Posted by nvision 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 380  |  
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The Talk (Fifth stab at humor in sex)

Man talks to his eleven-year-old son about sex...fifth stab at humor...

The Talk (Fifth stab at humor in sex)

Hello everyone. I know I talked about my ex-wife and mentioned my daughter briefly, but I never mentioned my son. His name is Mike. I just had to bring him up since this being a sex theme site, I was reminded of a talk we had some years ago. You know the talk. Oh yes, that talk. I can't recall how it went exactly, but I think it went something like this.

I was sitting around the kitchen table with my wife Kim. I had a bourbon in front of me and I was looking for... Continue»
Posted by Exakta66 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 148  |  
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The Party Mood


“What’s this?

Igot shouted waving the letter at his wife Her-Peas. She could see it looked official but as she hadn’t read it, couldn’t tell what it was even though her husband was wafting it around like some demented swan trying to take off.

“I don’t know dear, she smiled

“It’s only a letter from Pen.E. Sillen and Aunty Biotics they are planning to marry. It’s a big enough disgrace to the f****y that she married that Biotics bloke but a Sillen.

Igot was pacing up and down. He very rarely became ruffled and was normally a very smooth operator. That was one of the reasons Her-... Continue»
Posted by Cybertease 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 275  |  
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Temp Job (You'll like it...it's the best

Temp job as limo driver has definite benefits...a celebrity story...

Temp Job (You'll like it...it's the best)

I have a confession to make. They say confession is good for the soul, so here I am. Now that I am this hot sex fantasy writer on this sex fantasy website, people have been expecting me to keep coming up with hot stories. But the truth of the matter is, my sex life has not really been all that exciting. If I had to write the Kama Sutra it would only be one page. In 48 years on the planet, I really have not had that many exciting sexual experiences. I already told y... Continue»
Posted by Exakta66 2 years ago  |  Categories: Celebrities, Sex Humor  |  Views: 799  |  
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Locked Inside

Locked inside the Playboy Mansion and no way out...every guy should have this problem...

Locked Inside.

As the eighties wore on my friend Rich's telephone business began to prosper. I stayed along for the ride and eventually became his partner. I had gone back to school nights at Rutgers to complete my degree in electrical engineering. After a while I suggested to Rich that we expand our core business to include sophisticated alarm systems. There was a growing need for more and better security systems and we had the know how to service that need. Installing and maintaining ... Continue»
Posted by Exakta66 2 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 313  |  
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Mistaken Identity

Man gets to lead the life of a rich man...if only for a day...

Mistaken Identity.

Back in the day, the early 1980's to be precise, I was badly in need. In need of a job, to be more specific. These were times of prosperity for most. The Dow had recently hit 2000, which was a record. The economy was booming and would continue to do so throughout most of the decade. Everyone and everything seemed to be doing great, except for me. Being the remarkably perceptive dude he was, my friend Rich sensed my need for employment. He had recently started a small company installing and mai... Continue»
Posted by Exakta66 2 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 821  |  
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Johnny And Mary, A True Story (Classic poetry)

I'm sure this is a true story...for somebody...

Johnny And Mary, A True Story...

Now Johnny knew Mary since they were little tykes,
Running in the field, riding their bikes,
Like other little k**s, they stayed out all day,
Doing their chores, later they'll play,

Johnny and Mary went to school,
Tried real hard, act real cool,
Johnny noticed Mary started to grow real fine,
Nice firm breasts, big behin',

Johnny thought he'd take him a chance,
He asked Mary to the high school dance,
Mary said fine, pick me up at eight,
Dress real sharp, now don't be late,

John... Continue»
Posted by Exakta66 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  Views: 473  |  
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The Italian Job 11

The Italian Job 11
I awoke again about 07.30, it took a few seconds to get my bearings then there was a stirring in my groin and I realised I was spooned up with her again, she turned as she woke bringing her face very close to mine in the bed, I straightened my legs down the bed and she brought her hips into me, passing a leg onto the top of mine, she had her eyes open and she was watching me “are you ok this morning?” she asked “I feel terrific” I replied “ any second thoughts or regrets?” she continued “why should there be?” I countered “last night you had sex with a woman who could be you... Continue»
Posted by the_priest 2 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 801  |  
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SilkPanties22 (Fourth stab at humor in sex)

Man pretends to be a woman on an adult story/chat site...

SilkPanties22 (Fourth stab at humor in sex)


One of my newfound hobbies, so to speak, is reading and writing sex fantasy stories on a sex fantasy website. It is a site I stumbled across while innocently reading an article on sex fantasy.

Since joining the site I have found myself fascinated by the number and variety of sex fantasies. It has provided me with countless hours of entertainment. Reading people's fantasies is sort of a way to get into their minds unobserved. I even wrote a few of my own.

Reading t... Continue»
Posted by Exakta66 2 years ago  |  Categories: Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 158  |  
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My blind date

Back in my yout at college, (Mr. Campeezi, did you say yout ?), my roommate and a buddy decided to set me up on a blind date. They even pointed her out at a bar one night. She was attractive but not stunning. So, I agreed. We were all going out to a county fair. Of course when we met up, she was not the girl they pointed out. She was tall, very skinny with glasses and a pasty complexion. I didn’t want to be rude but this was going to be difficult. My buddies were almost falling down laughing. Her name was Janet but she kind of had a speech impediment which made it sound like Shanet. I had to ... Continue»
Posted by small_weiner 2 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 833  |  
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Giving advice

Part of my job is giving advice to groups of around 40 people; the reason for the small numbers is in my field of work and a lot of individuals need to ask many questions and you could be their all night.
Last Monday I was in Harrogate doing a talk. In the front row, smack in the middle were this good looking couple in their 40s, he had a very expensive suit on and she had this wonderful short dress showing quite a lot of leg extenuating her figure with a nice pair of black and red high heels. As I was talking the woman kept crossing her legs one way then the other and this caused her dress t... Continue»
Posted by joncristo 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 802  |  
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Damaged scrotum story

A vicar asks his congregation if anyone would like to express thanks for their answered prayers.

A young woman makes her way to the front of the church and turns to face the congregation. "I would like to give thanks to my answered prayers! she announces. "Six months ago, my husband, had a terrible bicycle accident and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was agonizing and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

A stifled gasp came from every man in the congregation as they imagined the pain that the poor man must have experienced.

The young woman continued, "My ... Continue»
Posted by sjroche1509 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 679  |  
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Beginner's Meeting, A Play (Third stab at hum

Beginner’s Meeting, A Play

Scene 1: A church basement. An odd looking assortment of people are sitting on metal folding chairs arranged in a circle. In the corner is a table with coffee and donuts.
Characters:
Charles: Middle aged man, about 40 dressed in a plaid sweater. He is the group leader.
Pete: a.k.a. Pervert Pete, a graying man of about 60 dressed in a raincoat.
Bob: A fidgety man of about 35 who continually clutches an inflatable sheep.
Alan: Middle aged man of about 48 dressed casually in jeans and a dress shirt.
Carrie: Middle aged woman, about 45 dressed rather scantily. ... Continue»
Posted by Exakta66 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 397  |  
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Wow... Random woman dry humps me at Target? (10/1

Not good with writing stories, just joined x hamster a few months ago, but anyways this is a true story it just happened to me earlier today. (10/1/11)

So my mom and i went to to Target to get some stuff, and like i normally do at most stores i go check out the electronics section and game section while my mom shops for food and stuff. So im checking out the new game releases for xbox like MW3 and Battlefield, then i see a shelf full of these cool funny shirts in the mens clothing department. As i was reading all of these funny shirts i briefly looked up and my eyes met this woman who was s... Continue»
Posted by PigtailPuller 2 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 2542  |  
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