Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 75
HOW THEY HAVE SEX
ACCOUNTANTS are good with figures.
ACTORS do it on cue.
ADVERTISERS use the "new, improved" method.
AMBULANCE DRIVERS come quicker.
ANSI does it in the standard way
ARCHEOLOGISTS like it old.
ARCHITECTS have great plans.
ARTISTS are exhibitionists.
ASSEMBLY LINE WORKERS do it over and over.
ASTRONOMERS do it with Uranus.
ATTORNEYS make better motions.
AUDITORS like to examine figures.
BABYSITTERS charge by the hour.
BAILIFFS always come to order.
BAKERS knead it daily.
BAND MEMBERS play all night.
BANKERS do it with interest ... Continue»
As Cassie and I cuddled closely on my queen size bed, the thoughts got louder and would not stop screaming at me. I'm not sure what happened but when I awoke in a hospital bed, I knew it was bad. Cassie was still by my side talking to nurse about what happened. "...Started violently shaking and he wasn't breathing. Once he calmed a little I was able to do cpr and call 911" She sounded tearful. I sat up slowly which caused them both to jump. I spoke softly to them "It's ok. I'm alright. Thank you Cassie" Neither of them would stop staring at me, it was making me a little paranoid. "Are you ok C... Continue»
'What was I thinking, fucking stupid cow'. Yes I am talking about me, I walked into it, eyes wide closed, as the saying goes, but what fuck, sit back and let me tell you and see what you think, I promise I will be open, honest, and get right down into the knitty gritty, I wont miss anything out, then you will see just how much of a slut I am.
I was home while my husband was away on a job on an oil rig in India, we had been separated for five weeks and he was due home the following week, but had just informed me by email, he might be delayed as finding men were getting difficult so we would ha... Continue»
So...you want to try swinging? You fantasize about what it will be like.You want to see your wife with another man?Would you both like to swing with another couple? Or do you want the "Holy Grail" of swinging, the hot 3 way with your wife and her hot friend from the office??? First question,One)Have you gotten your wife to AGREE to do this,and is she willing to do it,and does she want to "swing???" 98% of the time, its the MAN who brings up swinging, NOT the woman in the relationship.Now----If you've gotten your wife onboard with swinging,and you havebnt had to beg or "talk her into it" ( that... Continue»
I've had moments of curiosity whilst in the midst of a furious internet porn masturbatory frenzy, but I've never been even remotely curious about men. That said, I think a dude may have sucked me off once. Let me explain...
There is a porn video store off I-45 about 150 miles south of Dallas. I used to drive that stretch fairly frequently and was only able to drive past it twice before I went in. Their stacks are completely unorganized, so it took me forever to find anything that I was looking for. I walked up and down the aisles for about half an hour before I had to piss. In the bat... Continue»
Types of Women That Men Will Eventually Date After Divorce
I’ve been divorced for a number of years and although many men browse through the internet finding articles for women written by women regarding dating after a divorce, I have yet to find any articles that dealt with the issues of dating for men, written by men on how date or avoid these personality types after a divorce. After a few years of extensive research by myself, I have categorized some women into some very recognizable groups that many of you haven’t articulated in your own minds because as guys, well, we’re... Continue»
Hi. My name is Victoria Rose. I'm a sixteen year old girl whose parents have a very high income and I'm told to have a great body. I have long chocolate brown hair that goes to right above my bottom, bright ocean blue eyes, delicate long black eyelashes, a fair/ tanned skin (I live in Hawaii, which is where I am right now), a strong flat stomach, breasts that are size C4, a curved body and manicured finger nails and toe nails. I've decided to go to the pool today, but this isn't just any pool. Normally I would go to an outdoor one, but today I was afraid of getting burnt because it was just so... Continue»
It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole f****y there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a $25 gift certificate to a fine restaurant.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.
The folks at the third house handed him a box of chocolates.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.
She took him by the hand and led him... Continue»
So last night me and my Girlfriend where in our living room watching movies, and she started to fall asl**p. So I said hey I know your not sl**ping, because everytime I spend a lot of time ppicking out these movies and everytime you fall asl**p. she said I'm sorry baby I'm so tired I can't keep my eyes open can you help me stay awake. I looked at her like ???? what? She said maybe be if you put that big daddy dick in my fat wet pussy I might be able to stay awake.
I said I think I can keep you up. So she slowly untied my shorts and pulled my dick out and put it against her face like she wa... Continue»
I am Priyesh from Patna. I am 19 years and I am doing 10+2. I think this brief introduction about me is more than enough. Actually I have a very strong sexual desire to fuck my aunt, She is really a hell of a women but I never got a chance to screw her. She never understood my intensions.Anyways I am going to tell you about my first ever sexual experience with my servant. We have a servant who works in our house she is around 17 years but you wont believe she is just 21 because she has a very sexy figure.
She is around 5feet5inch tall and has a sexy figure of 34-26-34. Recently I had starte... Continue»
Mera nam Preetam hai. Meri umar 19 saal ki hai. Ghar par mere alawa kewal mere bhaiya Mohan aur bhabhi Anu hi hain. 2 saal pahle bhaiya ki shaadi huyee hai. Bhabi maayke gayee thi. Bhabhi jab wapas aayee to unke saath unki chhoti bahan Sapna bhi hamare ghar aayee. Wo bahut hi khoobsurat aur bahut hi chanchal thi. Uski umar lagbhag 17 saal ki thi. Wo mujhe bhi jija kahti thi aur bahut mazak karti thi. Bhabhi ne use mere room ke bagal wala room de diya tha. Ek din raat ko main bathroom jaa raha tha to maine dekha wo bahut hi dhyan se key hole se bhaiya ke room mein dekh rahi thi. Gallery mein ek... Continue»
Hello boys and girls and special hello to my beautiful and hot bhabhis and aunties .Thank you for giving your time for my story .This is your friend Priyesh Preetam from the living city Patna , Bihar. Mail me if you like this story at email@example.com .I am doing my 10+2 at a collage in patna. I have very normal physique and looks, but I am good at my studies and am a man at peace so I got a good reputation in school and college.
As you all know I am living and study in patna but my native place is somewhere in bettiah. This story is about when I was studying in 9th in my native ci... Continue»
Here is my story to answer a curious person on my blog at ifounddaddy.tumblr.com:
asked: yeah i think u should let your friend your worship your pussy and how is your friend going to worship your pussy? did the guy fuck u really good? [He is referencing another guy I fucked earlier that day in the second question.]
Me: Thanks for keeping my tumblr fresh with some stories I might not have told, and drawing all the details out. You are in for some loooong answers.
Well, turns out that I did see my friend. How does he worship it, well, he starts by letting... Continue»
I met Dave about 2 years ago at a swingers party. I had just turned 18 and he was 43. I remember thinking that it was hot that he was exactly 25 years older than me. I was dressed in drag and he was into t-gurls and he was married and hung like a horse and I happened to be into partying naked with big dicked married guys ;-) I always acted masculine around his wife, but whenever she wasn't around, I put on stockings and heels, makeup and wigs, and pranced around like a sissy little pantyhose cumslut!
One time me, Dave and his wife were hanging out, drinking. Dave and I were playin... Continue»
Hi there. My name is Melissa. This story is about my craziest sex moments so far in my life since I turned eighteen years old. I love to look back at these times and laugh and masturbate about them. So here goes...
I'm in my high school locker room and about twenty of us girls are showering after our track and field practice.
Out of nowhere this guy in his twenties, who has nothing on but tennis shoes, breaks in and he's masturbating his hard cock in front of us. I think it's funny and quite arousing. But ... Continue»
one fact about hispanic teens in hispanic countries, that is taboo is as follow: Teens (hispanics) from 13 and 25 and even well in their adult hood, when they start discovering their bodies, they get help from other teens of the same sex, mostly in the male gender, they would learn how to give oral sex. they will start with jerk off circles or two somes, the obvious gay ones, would be the ones who would give oral sex and mostly the one who would take it up the ass. If these teens don't find a wife, or can't find a girlfriendwhile in their mid thirties, they will continue this type of sex well ... Continue»
Before shaving your ass hair, READ THIS
STOP! Before you do, read this. You may change your mind.
I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to all though tasteless, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble pooping. No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique.
It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I ... Continue»
for a long time I look at all the horny women here on the forum and rub my little willy in front of the monitor. Since no one can suffer me, my mother had always hung me as c***d sausages about the neck so that at least the dogs play with me. Now, I wanted to play along here so gladly and post also horny picture on the hamster. But from where should I take them? Not a single healthy woman wants to have me however. Therefore, I have ordered a whore from the lokal advertising. My Harz4 money has not been enough for a pretty one then however, but an ugly came to visit me at home and I was allowed... Continue»
This is the story about how I lost my virginity. Some of my f****y live in small towns and we i go to visit them, we party (btw, this story is one the main reasons i don't drink anymore). Here I am, enjoying myself, and then all of a sudden, Bam! There she was. She was hot and to be honest, I didn't think I had a change with her. However, with the help of my cousin, I meet her(totally forgot her name). So, were talking and all off a sudden she wanted to dance. In the middle of the 3rd slow jam, I seemed to have "poked" her. Next thing I know, were upstairs. I remember kissing, and getting suck... Continue»
See Part 3 below! Conan The Barbarian Part4: The amazon needed to get away while it was still dark and Conan's men were sl**ping. She picked Conan up as if he were a doll and threw him on his back on his own horse and jumped on top of him so that he was pinned beneath her. Her huge ass was towards his face. She reached back and placed a leather strap behind his head and pulled his face forward so that his mouth was in her ass and tied the ends of the strap to the front of her waist. Conan's face was now tied to her ass so tightly he couldn't move his head in any direction. "I want that ton... Continue»