Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 75

Adam comes home for Christmas

Adam could not wait to get back to the warmth of Florida from his college in the North East. He liked the university, just not the climate. He was met at his plane by his parents and his f******n year old little s****r, Alice. He was a freshman in college and she was also a freshman, but in high school.





It was very hot that day and she was just wearing a loose halter top and some very short and very tight shorts. It had only been four months since he saw her last, but she seemed to have matured quite a bit. Her tits were now a pretty good B-cup and her ass was filling out nice... Continue»
Posted by adam2010 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 1204  |  
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How I'm Fucking a Scumbag Lawyer



My name is Erin. I'm a 19 year old girl living in Mount Shasta, California. Last month, i tried to log onto my teengirerin xhamster account:

http://xhamster.com/user/teengirerin

But i couldn't log on because xhamster said my password was invalid. Then i went to my account, in the same way as any other user would do, to see what was up. Turns out that this guy named Mike, a 51 year old lawyer & CPA living in California, has hacked into and hijacked my account. I'm really ticked off about it and this story is about how i'm... Continue»
Posted by teengirerin 3 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, First Time, Sex Humor  |  Views: 2032  |  
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Top 10 porn myths.

10 - High Heels.
Women wear high heels to bed.

9 - Going Down
When going down on a woman, 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.

8 - Ugly Middle-Aged Men
Women enjoy having sex with ugly middle-aged men.

7 - Suck It
When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".

6 - Busted
When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking the both of you.

5 - Oh Yeah
Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.

4 - Enjoyable Sexual Practice
A common and enjoyable sexual practice ... Continue»
Posted by diriculous 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 815  |  
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The Party

<a href='http://xhamster.com/photos/view/626082-9957159.html'><img src="http://p2-1.xhamster.com/000/009/957/159_1000.jpg" border="0"></a>





Ten years ago I happen to find myself at one of those uncomfortable pseudo liberal parties in the hills of Hollywood where people usually went to get not-so-quietly d***k, abuse prescription meds and talk about endless unfiltered politics ..
I was there but for the good graces of my clique, a ragtag group of pirate Nixon’s if i ever saw one ..

It was a view into a world I had little use for but could not pull away from .. I had... Continue»
Posted by mondotoken 3 years ago  |  Categories: Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 2562  |  
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Steamy story

I originally wrote this for a chick on a dating site who may or may not have been a dude... or a bot...

I'm looking at that picture of you in the black dress with the white polka dots. I can imagine you wearing that, one spaghetti strap dangling over your tattooed shoulder. Our eyes meet with a sultry glance and your hand teasingly reaches into your dress, exposing more of your creamy white flesh, but not enough to reveal aereola. From the bulge in my pants and the approving look on my face, you know the curves of your toned, slender body are driving me to the edge of sanity. First, yo... Continue»
Posted by Fork 3 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  Views: 348  |  
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christmas joke

3 men die on xmas eve, to get into heaven st peter says u must have sumthing on u that represents xmas, the english man flicks a lighter and says its a candle, st peter lets him pass,, welsh man pulls out a set of keys and jingles them and says they r bells, st peter lets him pass, the irish man pulls out a G string and st peter says how the fuck do they represent xmas?? Paddy said they're carols... Continue»
Posted by diver1uk2003 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 309  |  
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One of Those Days

It was late afternoon as Beth stepped from her office into the cool evening air. Autumn was closing in, evidenced by the goose bumps rising on her bare arms and the involuntary shiver riding up her back.

"Night Beth," her colleague, Barry called, also on his way out. "Brrrrr, you'll need to wrap up warm tonight!"

That's what he thought. Jonny, Beth's newly found beau, had preoccupied her thoughts all day. The vision of his taught naked body, powerful arms and that unbelievable penis was all the warmth she needed tonight. That was the plan anyway and she could feel herself blushing at the... Continue»
Posted by Keepitclandestine 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 506  |  
93%

Stupid young cunt

I'm getting older now and dont have the patience I used to have, really dealing with the stupid young cunt around now is almost not worth it.

I have a steady piece of cunt that I use, its happy to have me around and I can always get a blowjob or a handy from it. When its on the rag I do it up the shitter too, only problem with it is that its vagina is a monster - really I think ist k** must have come out sideways -haha - no other way to explain how a vag could be that loose. But the best thing abut this cunt is that it understands it place, I dont have to listen to it talk about its favouri... Continue»
Posted by happy_wanking 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 1045  |  
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the drive in

She was quite a bit shorter than me but she was very curvy
with blond hair that fell just below her shoulders. sort
of half way between curly and wavy. She had a wonder full
pair of breasts. i was only 16 and they were the first pair
i ever felt or played with. and in some ways i sort of compare
any others that i have come in contact with ever since.


I have no idea what movie we were watching but there was some
hand holding and cuddling, some kissing and caressing.
i was fumbling around not sure of what i should be doing.
She was an experienced girl who had been down this road a
... Continue»
Posted by daddydick64 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  Views: 953  |  
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Fucking Supergirl Dream lol

Ever wake up to finding yourself masturbating and fantasizing about some type of sex. lol well for me it happened during the night. i found myself lying in bed rubbing and stroking my rock hard cock and dreaming about Supergirl from DC comics or at least this woman was wearing an outfit like supergirl all i know is i pulled of her blue top with the superman logo on it revealing her big tits as she sucked my cock in my fantasy. and then pulled off her skirt and gave her a hell of a good fuck doggystyle. clearly it must just been roleplaying cause if it was really supergirl shed probably had rip... Continue»
Posted by Squirt_Luver 3 years ago  |  Categories: Celebrities, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  Views: 535  |  
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evil slave girl

I'll start by saying, I have been in the local BDSM Scene now for some 20 odd years, about 3 years back, at HF, I was to cane a real pain puppy, as this was something she had worked herself up to for 8 weeks, the deal was I would give her 250 strokes, what I didn't know at the time was, she had a gf from another city with her that night.

This gf is now my collared slave, my property. All that happened that night at our first meeting was I gave her a very nice little spanking on the A-Frame.
We hit it off very well after that, some 6 months later I made the offer of giving her my Collar
... Continue»
Posted by Master_Peter 3 years ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Fetish, Sex Humor  |  Views: 617  |  
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Oil be damned

After the longest week I could remember, I came home to drown my sorrows with a long, hot shower. I stripped down and stepped in, feeling my cares begin to melt away under the hot droplets cascading down my body.

As I slowly soaped out the aches and pains from my tired muscles I suddenly decided to see if I could get in a session with my massage ther****t. This would just be what the ther****t ordered, so to speak, after such a long week.

I tried to call but there was no response. Damn. A sure sign they are either overbooked or busy. With the idea already set in my mind I quickly towel... Continue»
Posted by Keepitclandestine 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 685  |  
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World of Confusion

I first fell in love with transexuals when i first stumbled on a video called world of confusion, at first i was like oh yeah! this is gonna be a good porn one guy and three girls awesome, so then at first the guy is jerking off then all of a sudden these three females come out i was like about time now suck his cock, so this one female goes down on him then the other female start playing with the other females ass fingering it i was like oh yea! this is getting hot then out of nowhere he grabs one of the females by her g-string and starts pulling her panties down and then starts licking her p... Continue»
Posted by Ray3 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Shemales  |  Views: 984  |  
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The Italian Job 25

The Italian Job 25
The next morning I went to the factory and completed the reprogramming of the computer control, we were now 2 weeks into the job but Antonis had decided that as he had me there and he wanted me to stay for the duration promising me a bonus if all went well over the next 2 weeks, this was good news because it was just a 2 weeks holiday with the occasional trip to the factory although if they had a problem they could call me or page me as the hotel had leant me a bleeper, that worked on the phone system, Maria was full of herself anyway because she had fucked Carlos even tho... Continue»
Posted by the_priest 3 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 518  |  
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MY TRIP TO THAILAND...

I met Layla on my holiday in Thailand. She was at my hotel bar. We danced a while at first. We were kissing a lot. She had long dark hair at nice looking boobs. I got her up to my room though later and she obviously had sex on her mind too as she touched my hard on a few times on the way to my room. We got into my room and got drinks and on returning with them she said “let’s get comfortable” and took off her white boob tube type top, releasing her gorgeous boobs. She then proceeded to undo my fly and release my already stiff cock. Layla then teased and sucked my cock beautifully almost to bur... Continue»
Posted by london_lad 3 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor, Shemales  |  Views: 1772  |  
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The night before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas and nothing was stirring
The cat by the fireside were dreamily purring
The c***dren in bed in their dreamy heads romping
With Goblins and Fairies on whom they were stomping
The snow lay so thick that the rooftops were covered
And in bed many ladies with kisses were smothered.
Each Daddy was giving each Mummy a treat
By filling her up with eight inches of meat.
While mummy sighed softly and whispered her love
And urged her man on for that hard final shove.
“Oh fuck me, you bastard, my cunt is on fire”
They’d say while her husbands trend not to expire.
... Continue»
Posted by samvimes 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 1167  |  
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Pilot and lesbian

An old Marine Pilot sat down at the Starbucks, still wearing his old USMC flight suit and leather jacket and ordered a cup of coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, first Stearmans, then the early Grummans... flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII, and later in the Korean conflict, Banshees and Cougars. I've taught more than 260 people to fly and given rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot, and you, what are you?

She said, 'I'm a les... Continue»
Posted by semper-et-ubique 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 433  |  
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Knock on the door

I hear a knock at the door and come to answer it, hoping that it's u and not someone else about to see me in a tight schoolgirl outfit. I open the door and breathe a sigh of relief as I see U standing there. Ur jaw drops as U take in what I’m wearing, the tight top perfectly showing off my ample tits as well as most of my lacey bra, while the bottom half could barely be said to be a skirt with it rising just above my ass, teasing of what's underneath. I smile and say hi as we move inside, u shut the door behind u but cant take ur eyes off my sexy ass. We've barely walked inside when u spin me ... Continue»
Posted by claireidare 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, First Time, Sex Humor  |  Views: 711  |  
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Bitter...But Oh So Sweet

As I sit here and write this I think to myself...this is still one of the most...well, when you read it you'll see what I'm talking about.

Around the same week I met a sexy BBW & a Atlethic yet thin guy:

She had chocolate skin, huge tits, a huge clit that stood straight up (she showed me via pics) & a thick ass that made you want to just bite it! She was very pretty in the face as well.

He was toned everywhere! His stomach was filled with muscle, his skin was carmel & smooth, HIS DICK WAS HUGE!

I talked to both of them eveyday. I was more of a friend to him and we saw each... Continue»
Posted by PeircedPlumpPleasure 3 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 430  |  
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The Italian Job 24

The Italian Job 24
Maria and I went back to the hotel, we went to the room and she decided she would like to go to the pool for a nap in the sun,
I rang Ellie and told her what had happened with Eduardo, she was very sympathetic and asked if Maria was ok and how I was getting on with her, I told her everything was fine and not to fret,
I still loved her, I think she just needed to hear me say it, I changed into my swimmers and went down to the pool, a young guy was sitting on a sunbed next to Maria who was laid on a sunbed, she had her eyes closed, she had her bikini on but I was not sur... Continue»
Posted by the_priest 3 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 382