Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 74
I hope you can see the humor in this one, and don't let it happen to you...originally posted under BrianDamage...
I Woke Up With A Fat Chick
I woke up and couldn't believe my eyes,
When I caught sight of those monster thighs,
Was that a cow that was sucking my dick?
No, I woke up with a very fat chick.
The sight of her got me thinking,
I really should give up drinking,
As if I needed a reason why,
I should also stop getting high.
Looking at this gruesome sight,
I tried to recall what I did last night,
How did I possibly wind up with her?
But my mind was simpl... Continue»
Ah yes, old Peggy...the most popular girl in town...originally posted under BrianDamage...
Peg Leg Peg
There was a girl named Peg Leg Peg,
Called her that because of her wooden leg,
She was known as the best in town,
Guys would come from miles around,
You see, Peg’s leg could detach,
For better access to her snatch,
And though it wasn’t crabs that bite,
There was the occasional termite,
But this did not seem to deter,
All the guys who called on her,
And though there were occasional cracks,
About how she held her stockings up with tacks,
All the guys would practi... Continue»
I feel your hand stroke my shoulder and your finger tips graze the tops of my breasts then cup the undersides. . When you begin to nip and lick the spot where my neck meets my shoulder, goose bumps spring to the surface of my skin and I can't hold back a moan. My hips push back against you and my nipples pebble into hard little points.
Your not inside me yet....but I can feel your rigid erection between my buttocks. You slap my ass; hard, almost too hard. It stings and hurts, but the electricity shoots through my body in an instant and I feel it surge all across my back, down my arms and... Continue»
Another poem originally posted under the screen name BrianDamage...and not a true story, btw...
I Married A Hooker
I met a girl who walked the street,
I have to say she really looked sweet,
Tight skirt of leather and lace,
Long hair framed a pretty face,
Didn't take much more than a glance,
To realize I wanted to get into her pants,
Next time I saw her walking by,
I chugged my beer and went over to say 'Hi,'
She asked me if I wanted to go out,
What she did for a living, there was no doubt,
Just to make sure there is no misconception,
I normally don't pay, this wa... Continue»
Not really a true story...but, it sounds like fun...
My Girlfriend Told Me She's Gay
I had a girlfriend who told me she's gay,
My first reaction was to say "No way."
I gave this situation some heavy thought,
It seemed so against everything I was taught,
I told her she just had to go,
Who it was I didn't want to know,
I told her she could do what she like,
I didn't want to meet this other dyke,
Then in a while instead of being furious,
I found myself becoming a bit curious,
What she told me nearly put me in shock,
She'd been dating the girl down the block,
The on... Continue»
Turning the tables on dad
Growing up all I ever heard was, "As long as you live under my roof you'll do as I say, young man!" Yeah my Father was very strict. Up until the time I moved out of his house, at age 22, I had to toe the line or accept the punishment. Punishment was always the same. Dad would make me strip to my briefs with my hands at my sides as he lectured me. Then I'd have to lie across his lap and take some hard swats on my brief covered ass. Eventually he'd pull down my briefs exposing my round bare ass completely. He'd then go to work spanking my bare butt--usually until he br... Continue»
You were sitting in your bedroom reading a book when you heard the front door open and looked up seeing Naruto and Kiba burst through your door.
"Hey Yami!" Naruto said happily as you smiled back.
"Are you doing anything?" Kiba said as you looked at your book then him.
"No.. Not really.."you said as he grabbed your shoulders picking you up.
"Then let's hang out!" he said carrying you out of your house as you sighed letting him do what he wanted.
"Where are we going?" you asked looking at Naruto confused.
"Hehe Kiba has to clean up his house and he wanted me and you to come to... Continue»
My head pulled back, your hand in my hair holding my head stiff.
The position designed to create it im possible for me to resist, you want to take me your way and I must obey..
I'm bent over with my kness on the bed,my legs parted wide...my hands tied at the wrists between my legs, the long rope trailing down the length of the bed.
"Uh.....UH.....UH......UH......UH.......UH......UH" All that can be heard from my mouth as you ride me brutally. I feel my body vibrating with the f***e of the thrusts, my tits and ass dancing like jelly.
"Fuck, your Pussy's tight..Take this..."
The Stories I'm writing here are absolutely true!
2011, October 02
About 11:45 pm
That Sunday began very quiet and it kept nice and silent. I sat in a room on a revolving chair directly at a broad wooden table and right in front of me some sheet metal signs were placed. On those signs were black numbers. From 1 to 10 for the ratings for the dance performances. Admittedly I only was Claude's conjuror and so his judging, as the Clubs vice-president, was worth more than mine but my view definitely could affect the results. So I sat waiting in the bikers clubhouse together with Claude who w... Continue»
Attended a friends Xmas party and boy did it turn into strip poker. Party lasted until 4am. 8 females and 10 guys. Everybody got fucked, pussy ate and dicks sucked. I mean dicks were getting sucked left and right. I saw one girl with dick up her assz that dick was huge. It was good clean fun. I got my pussy ate and ass hole licked. Then some much needed dick from my date. He was so excited. He had never been to such a party were one minute you was dancing and partying then next getting some ass. I took him in the a room with another female had her suck his dick some more. Then he stuck it in m... Continue»
In the morning the sun was shining right through our front room windows as I walked in wearing nothing but my gown. The carpet is very soft and the whole room was warm. Jenny was in her gown as she reached for a sheet, a large bed sheet that she folded neatly and placed on the floor as she did so she undone my gown and I got down on my hands and knees on the blanket.
As I undone Richards gown his penis jumped out to meet me. I completely removed the gown and as Richard got in position I gently moved his legs apart to allow the air to circulate nicely ... Continue»
An old married couple is lying in bed one night.
The wife is curled up, ready to go to sl**p, and the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book.
As he’s reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her special area.
He does this a few times, but only for a very short interval before returning to read his book.
The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused assuming that her husband is seeking some encouragement she gets up and starts stripping in front of him.
The husband is confused and asks:
“Why are you taking off your clothes?”
His wife replies:
STRAIGHT MALE EDITION
Every Straight Male thinks they're able to do porn
1. Are you capable of cumming more than once ? not that you will really need to but just in case you happen to get over excited around female performers you wont explode and then have nothing else left in the arsenal.
2. How are your athletic skills ? its one thing to be in a gangbang edge yourself and wait till its your turn to jizz, but its another thing when you have to penetrate another performer in full speed without getting out of breath and stopping.Porn stars usually go half and hal... Continue»
Fucking my Roomate
I was 22 and I remember it was the day before my roommate's birthday. For the sake of the story let's call her Hillary. She is a lesbian (but I had heard stories of her fucking guys a couple of times). Good looking, great body (she was really athletic), and an admitted slut. But I had known her for so long it wasn't really a big deal. I did my thing, she did hers, and I never really thought about fucking her because she always talked about how sex with guys was "gross" that I guess I put a wall up. Besides I was more interested in girls I actually thought I had ... Continue»
It was 7 months after the birth of my second c***d and 3 weeks after my tubal ligation. I was mildly anxious because this was my first business trip away from my husband and two k**s in over two years. The trip was important, our company was evaluating a water reclamation project and I was asked to lead the engineering team. I was nervous and my usual self-surety was shaky from the 12 week absence I had taken earlier in the year and the gravity of the current project. Don't get me wrong, I've always been confident in my abilities and I command respect of even the most senior colleagues. My ... Continue»
A Owen and Eve short story
Story tags: M/F, Adultery, consensual,
10 am, December 31st
Eve finishes packing an overnight bag with everything that she needs for the night. Including a surprise for Owen. She had picked up a silky blue coloured teddy with matching thong, along with other fun stuff.
11 am, December 31st
Owen has finished packing an overnight bag for himself, then packs a bag with food, booze and pot, and heads out the door to where he will be house sitting for new years while his wife holds a girls night and told him to find somewhere else to be for the night.
It was early Christmas morning; actually it was 1:30am, when Holly awoke and heard and rustle, she couldn`t place where it was coming from. Suddenly she spotted a figure emerge from around the bedroom door. She knew it wasn’t Luke as he had his firm cock nestled along the crack of her bum cheeks; Holly could tell Luke was dreaming of one of the video`s they had watched on xhamster last night.
Suddenly the figure approached the edge of the bed and you Holly saw that it was Flasher974 Santa; he was dressed in a full Father Christmas outfit with hat, beard, coat and red trousers and black sh... Continue»
I was looking to make some extra cash, as I was recently “down sized” at my job at the finance company. Living in this fairly well to do middle class neighborhood was difficult so I took any odd jobs that came my way. Being a skilled carpenter, a trade I learned from my father and his father before him, I was able to take on a few nice projects. But all in all I still needed additional income. Hence, why I decided to take on the role of Santa Claus this Christmas.
My neighbors are pretty affluent, always jet setting here and there. Tom is the V.P. of a major company and constantly... Continue»
You: kool so u two r wet?? hahaha jk;)
Stranger: and horny
You: haha really?
You: u guys wanna blow me??
Stranger: come here
Stranger: you won'y reagret it
You: comes to u
Stranger: ok we ll waitn to u darlig <3
You: what kinda panties u got on
Stranger: white small panties
Stranger: and no bra
You: mmmm u got big tits\
Stranger: like texas !!!!
Stranger: what u wanna do with them ?:>
You: play with them
Stranger: ... Continue»
My wife and I had another one of our legendary fights and I decided to just go stay at a hotel for the night and just relax. The clerk stared at me kind of funny when I went to check in at 9pm and didn't have any ID. I explained to him the fight with my wife and how I'd left my wallet at home and the story about my emergency cash stash in the car and, with a $100 tip, I soon had a no-questions-asked room with double queens.
After dropping off my bag I went down to the restaurant and got in a quick bite. I had a rum & cola with the dinner that I didn't even touch so I just took it back to t... Continue»