Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 74
Well let’s just say I’m the mountainman66 I got that nickname so long ago I don’t even remember why. I’m a big old boy somewhat built like a tank, a water tank.
And like any good story worth telling, you have to have a protagonist and an antagonist.
But with this story you get to decide who is who.
It all started with my divorce, it left me somewhat high and dry, and not really caring about the opposite sex. Now who ever come up with that line had it right on the money. Opposite sex, what a laugh. More like obstinate sex.
BUT I’M NOT BITTER!
Okay now back to... Continue»
Not being a big drinker there are not many bar stories that I can tell but I do have this one that is just so out there it’s hard to believe.
And I was there.
I’ve always been a motorcycle rider, it started out that I need transportation that was cheap starting a f****y on a retail pay limits your budget. So 10 year old Hondas or Kawasaki’s were what I could get.
Well after riding in any weather cold, wet, sleet and snow most people that I worked with or passed me on the road or were passed by thought that I was crazy or just one hard ass.
And I n... Continue»
"Do you like watching me?"
"I know I shouldn't... but I can't help it. You're so lovely."
"It's alright, really. I can tell you enjoy it by that smile on your face."
"Alright... now I'm embarrassed..."
"Please don't be. I like it when you look at me..."
"Yes... especially when you're looking like you're trying to not get caught..."
"I thought you didn't want me to be embarrassed..."
"I don't... I want you to look at me..."
"You do look very nice..."
"Are you trying to imagine me naked?"
"You're hard, aren't ... Continue»
So as im sitting in my boss's house after a long day at work i sit down at a distant table away from him and his partner and do my regular internet routine, as in check e mails and look on facebook, but then one day i "stumble" upon this site or xtube and watch some videos.
As i watch the videos i get hard and start to jerk off. As my boss and his partner are watching tv i hit the poppers and rub my rock hard cock always getting so close to coming and then hold it as they get up and walk around the house.
His daughter (blonde gorgeous little 19 yr old college nerdy type, Great body a... Continue»
So here I am again telling you another True Story of myself. I was talking to a friend of mine and of course the subject turned to sex. We started to share horror/funny stories and I thought, why not write another story for xhamster! So here is a quick little embarassing story from my past...
So I met the hot chocolate number form Trinidad. Her body was perfect. I mean porn star perfect. She had a boob job that you only knew about cuz she told you. She had the stereo typical black girl ass where it is full, thick, and round. Her face reminded me of an early Stacey Dash ( black girl ... Continue»
This, like all the stories I post on here, is a true story.
I studied arts in high school, which basically meant my school was a melting pot of stoners, hot alternative chicks, emo k**s and a bunch of teacher’s still thinking they’re 16 years old. The school was one giant orgy: over the four years I attended it, I must’ve fucked about 30 to 35 girls, including all of my female classmates but one. I have so many stories to tell about my time there, but I’ll start with just one.
That time in the bushes.
At one of our school parties, I’d made up with this girl who was a year younger than... Continue»
This is actually a completely random post. I was talking with my a friend the other day, and he reminded me of something I did at a party a while back. I used to go to parties and get completely trashed when I was in high school. And I had this ex Abi, who was a total control freak, but very atractive, she was 5'4, mix of mexican and caucasion, very smoothe skin, long black hair, big doe eyes, perky b cup size, and a very tight ass. one thing I hated was that she would tease and lead me on but never actually do anything. After a few months of blue balls, we broke up and went our separated ways... Continue»
As Leandra was enjoying herself on the guards cocks, Dorothy and Omby sat in their cell watching.
"Your friend is really ummmm...."
"Impressive", Dorothy said.
"No, I was going to say slutty", Omby replied back watching Leandra riding up and down Gotifri cock.
Dorothy laughed,"Yeah I would say that too". They watched as Leandra slowly stood up off Gotifri cock and walked to a pile of the guards clothes. She bent over showing the two guards her ass, but was reaching into the pockets trying to find the keys. It didn't take her long, knowing Zimo and Gotifri were paying no mind to h... Continue»
This fantasy joke i borrowed from a friends page....
...A man walks into a restaurant bathroom needing to take a piss. While relieving himself, a 2-foot man goes to the lower c***dren’s urinal next to him and pulls out a schlong that would make even legendary porn star Long Dong Silver gasp. The man considered himself predominantly straight, but he couldn’t help but stare with his mouth agape at the small man’s cock.
He took a little longer to wash his hands and when the small man finished his piss, he finally couldn’t take it anymore. “I’m not gay or anything but that is the biggest cock ... Continue»
Zimo turned to Gotifri,"Go grab the bench from the empty cell and bring it out here".
Gotifri opened the cell door and went into the back. Dragging out the bench to the middle of the room. Zimo went up to Leandra and grabbed a hold of her hand. He walked her over to the long bench. "Straddle the bench. I want to taste that pussy".
Leandra swung her leg over the bench and straddling it sticking her ass up in the air a little. Zimo slapped her ass, as Gotifri sat down in front of her.
Zimo slapped the other cheek. "Dam baby, fuck you got a tight body. That ass is fucking tight." He sat... Continue»
we were at the beach at weekend and had been there about an hour, when a old guy and his wife set up near us, i could not understand why as there was plenty of space,but i knew why when i caught him watching the wife,we went for a meal and a few drinks,when we got back to the beach the old couple were just passing us,we had been back about 15 mins when i could see the wife had gone to sl**p, she was lay on her side, so i thought i would have some fun,i pulled her top tit out of her siwmsuit so it looked like it had fell out,she was facing where the old couple were set up,it was about 10mins la... Continue»
Dorothy felt the sun cascading over her face, as she began to wake up. Slowly pulling her eyelids up, Dorothy saw Leandra sitting in front of her staring at her.
"We have to talk Dorothy".
Dorothy rubbed her eyes and sat up. "How long have I been asl**p".
"I would say we been asl**p for about seven hours. Its morning and we fell asl**p close to night. I first want to say thank you. Thanks for staying behind, I really do owe you."
Dorothy smiled,"I'm glad to do it, for a new friend".
Leandra packed up there things in her bag. "This journey I am on, you should know what Im going a... Continue»
A few months ago my husband and I looked at all different brands of the vibration platform physical fitness machines displayed at a Zoomer Show. After testing all of the exercise positions shown on the visual guide (particularly the sitting ones), I decided that the Turbovibe Light suited my personal requirements the best. I particularly liked the dual motors concept and the flexibility of the electronic remote programming features. All of the other machines at the show had a complex superstructure that I felt impeded diagonal access to the plate area, thus limiting my inventive routines.
Great Lesbian Love and sodomy
Chapter V --- ---
Other stories to read: http://bisoumidomi.unblog.fr
After this meeting with Michelle and Mark, we often spent evenings together. Sometimes I came alone or with the elected if it accepted the moment. Throughout this period I confess I papillonnais a girl to another. Finally, rather than admit I had in reserve several lovers, and that depending on the mood I was choosing one or the other. Each may not know the existence of others .. Not necessarily, with some it does not pose a problem while others are more exclusive I had to juggle... Continue»
Brief sex 009
A slave to the phone.
I have often said I was a hard user of Minitel in the big time, I paid bills outlandish elsewhere. I do not regret my money, I have made so many meetings. My wife herself is met is initially for a roll in the air that has lasted 25 years. But I had other good luck and sometimes it was not easy because we contacted the rascals who lived far away unfortunately.
Sometimes it happened that make love on the phone. Oh I know it's been a lot of people smile. Yes make love to it's distance from masturbation I quite agree, but honestly try after y... Continue»
Brief sex 008
In the cemetery at night.
Ah the summer holidays when we were young, what memorable moments. This is the time when one awakens to love. In fact we think of nothing but ass girls much more than studying. That was my case, I sought every means to draw any passing petticoat. I must say that in my youth I feel that the fair were less shy. I think I've lived in good years.
I had just turned 17, but other times other manners at that age I was going on vacation with my parents. Oh it was not a hassle but they had too much on the back sometimes. That year we went to m... Continue»
“On your knees, you d***k bitch,” the cop said. Kelly immediately obeyed. She would never cheat on her husband, but if letting this brute **** her meant she wouldn’t go to jail then it was worth it. He just stood there while she reached up and unzipped his trousers. Kelly tried not to think about what she was doing as she pulled his cock free and slipped it into her mouth.
The officer’s penis was thicker than her husband’s. It tasted of sweat and grime, but Kelly wasn’t in a position to complain. She slobbered over it and began to pump it with her hand as she bobbed her mouth on it. As she... Continue»
Dorothy and Leandra stood there silent, then a slate of rock moved down, opening up a way out of the circle of rocks that imprisoned them.
"Well theres the way out what do we do Dorothy"
"I don't know Leandra, we have to decided before they trap us here forever"
Leandra went over and grabbed their things. Picking up their clothes and her bag. She brought them over to the opening and tossed them out. She stood there looking out at the freedom her clothes had, but she still felt trapped. She didn't want to make the decision. Maybe her and Dorothy could come up with a way to get out. Th... Continue»
We met at a bar, I’d been drinking a bit more than I should’ve, I was ready for some action, I hadn’t seen my lover in a week and was I was ready for a fight. Never got one. –all I got was a good beating. He was sober and he took me to his place. He wants me to obey, he wants me to call him master, and honestly; I want that too. In most of my fantasies and daydreams I long to please and obey. But in real life, as it turns out, I have a really hard time doing just that.
He commands me to call him master. I don’t. He commands me to undress. I don’t. I don’t even know why, cause I rea... Continue»
Chap. IV - Bio love - Home delivery
--- Chapter IV ---
Other chapters and stories about http://bisoumidomi.unblog.fr/
There is a tool that was extremely important in my life, the Minitel, it was almost my job, at least I had access to the tool from its inception and without restrictions. If the rate it was a curiosity, the arrival of the service of dialogue, ads and other means of communication was a real aubaine.Au beginning, I never used it from time to time to discuss, in general I tried to have my corresponding to such, for further discussion. And of course I do not hide that very o... Continue»