Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 74

Vegerotica

"Oh, god, I'm turnipy today," Pepper sighed. "It's been way too long since we spinached."

"Come here, pumpkin," Sorrel told her. "Are you thinking you'd like some good old-fashioned yamming?"

"God, yes." Pepper settled into his arms. "It's been a week, and I've been dreaming about your zucchini."

"Glad to hear it, because the past few days, all I've been able to think about is your sweet little potato," Sorrel said. He hugged her. "Come on, baby, let's go upstairs so we can cabbage."

"Upstairs? My rutabaga's so wet just thinking about your hard eggplant that I'm afraid I'll drip wh... Continue»
Posted by zopri 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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MY FAV JOKES

Patient to doctor: The problem is that obesity runs in our f****y. Doctor to patient: No.............the problem's that no one runs in your f****y.

I was walking home late one night and saw a woman in the shadows.
"Ten pounds . ." she whispers.
I'd never been with a prostiture before, so i decided, it’s only a tenner,why not, So we hide in the bushes.
Were going at it for a minute or so when all of a sudden a light flashes on us. It’s a policeman.,"Ello ello ello,What’s going on here, " asks the officer.
"I’m making love to my wife!, " i answered indignantly.
"Oh, I’m sorry, " say... Continue»
Posted by icumonu 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Happy Ending Switch

I have been seeing the same massage ther****t for the better part of a year now. She is in her mid to late 30’s and fairly attractive. While she is a state licensed ther****t she does occasionally make exceptions to the state laws pertaining to Happy Endings for very few clients. And I just happen to be lucky enough to be one of those few clients.

Over these last few months I have k**ded with her about turning the tables on her and offering to have a session with her where I massage her instead of her massaging me. Well, when I called her for my last appointment she asked me if I was seriou... Continue»
Posted by bigsoftee 3 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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My New Ther****t

The other day I was really sore from working out and thought it would be a great to treat myself to a massage. Being something of a massage freak I am always looking and hoping for that elusive Happy Ending as an extra. I looked on the internet under Massage Ther****ts and found a local gal who was happy to make an appointment for me the same day. She had a sexy sounding voice and I figured maybe I would luck out and finally get that Happy Ending I was looking for. But when she said her location was in a beauty parlor I figured forget the Happy Ending. This would be a completely normal and non... Continue»
Posted by bigsoftee 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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Another Vacation

Have you ever had that friend that you imagine what they look like naked? Well my s****r's mother-in-law is a woman I wanted to see naked. She is 62 years of sexy, soft silky legs, reddish brown curly hair, nipples that poke your eyes out with pleasure. As we spend Labor Day weekend at a Resort. Relaxing in the indoor water park, watching her float on the lazy river all spread out on a tub. OH... how I like to feast on that camel toe, she was sporting. I had to get a tub and float on my stomach and catch up to her as she floats on the back side through a tunnel. She had her back to me as I pad... Continue»
Posted by Gehld 3 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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Penile implant sex

This is a true story

I hope that men with erectile dysfunction take this information to heart.
Well let me start by saying I'm a 44 year old man that's been dealing with the fallout of a couple heart attacks and as a aside effect of my various medications that I'm on my Dick at first would work but I noticed that I could fuck for as long as I used to before my heart issues. I tried the pills, the pump, the muse system, all with no solid maintainable erection, so things with my wife were starting to get strained, and my confidence was shot. I told my doctor about my home issues with the wif... Continue»
Posted by Taboo69 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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A Short Story

A Short Story
in play format. (Originally written 23 Feb 2006)




Interior - waiting room of surgery. A voice over the P.A announces for Mrs Allott to enter Dr. R Don’s room.

Mrs Allott: Hello Dr.

Dr. Don: Good morning, Mrs Allott, what can I do for you? how’s Mr Allott?

Mrs Allott: He’s fine. Dr, I’m here about my pussy.

Dr. Don: And what is the problem with it?

Mrs Allott: It keeps itching.

Dr. Don: Well, you better get it out and I’ll take a look at it.

Mrs Allott gets it out and Dr. Don proceeds to take a good look at it.

Dr. Don: You have a lovely pussy,
... Continue»
Posted by suavisdulcis 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Anyone Remember?

Last Summer, my friends and I were at a concert. It was crowded, yet, we managed to be at the front of the audience. Once the concert began you could feel the huge f***e of bodies behind us. People kept pushing into our backs and one could smell the sticky sweat of overheated bodies in the air. A tall man was standing behind me. I noticed his groin kept touching my bum as we all moved. At first, I thought it was perhaps an accident but after several times I knew his true intentions but I liked it. The barrier in front of us was around waist height, I leaned over it, arched my back and stuck ... Continue»
Posted by FoxyGirl24 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Sarah Sneaks In

Yep, I’m making another one of these! Next one is already planned, but I’m not sure if the next piece I’ll upload is that one, or another one I’ve had on my mind for a while. Hint hint: I’m not sure how well video game rule 34 will be appreciated here. :P
Same as usual! Hit CTRL+F or scroll down to “SEX STARTS HERE” if that’s what you’re here for!
NOTE- PLEASE love a comment! Good, bad, ugly, any are good! I need reviews if I want to improve!
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The sky was pitch black and the moon was high in the sky. I sat al... Continue»
Posted by soniclemon 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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Flashing Wife


I never thought that I would be writing a letter to you, but I guess that goes to show that anything is possible. I'll have to start from the beginning so please bear with me.

I met my very beautiful and sexy wife about 12 years ago. I knew that she was the one for me the minute I laid eyes on her. We dated for quite a while without having sex and I respected her for the choice she made. That still doesn't mean I wasn't dying to get into her pants and sample her sweat juices. Then one day it finally happened. I mad... Continue»
Posted by jason1000 3 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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The Pre-Nup Agreement (a Chrissie Conway Story)

The Pre-Nup Agreement


Several years ago one of Kellys' friends had a b*****r who was getting married in Reno and a bunch of us girls
decided we would all get together for a wild weekend reunion. I unfortunately had several of my regular clients to see
on Thursday and Friday afternoon and wouldn't be able to depart for Reno until early Friday evening. Needless to say by
the time I arrived the ladies were already in a crazy celebratory mood. I'd had several drinks on the flight so I wasn't entirely
unprepared once I got to Reno.
I had the valet hire me a taxi and headed for the Cal... Continue»
Posted by chrissieCD 3 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Sex Humor, Shemales  |  
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Night At The Drive In

This a true, short, and funny story that involves sexual nature. But no sex within the characters of the story itself.

It was the late 70's or early 80's I can't remember which, and I was young. Very young... Definitely before puberty. My s****r as well, and she was 3 yrs older than me. Her and I were so excited that day. We couldn't wait for it to get dark. Why? Well my parents were going to take my s****r and I to the drive in theater to see the Disney movie, Cinderella.

So all day my s****r and I we kept asking, are we leaving yet? No not yet, go outside and play! So as the day we... Continue»
Posted by Raiz3R 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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First Flight

This piece of writing is an extract from my novel "Toggenburg" It's not a sex story as such but I post it here for a dear friend who I learned to my surprise had never flown on an aeroplane! Since this chapter was about a character's first flight on an aircraft i decided to post this for a little fun and to whet the appetite of my beloved shewolf for her first journey into the realms above.


The following day dawned bright and sunny although there were still clouds about clinging to the sides of the mountains. Sarah was up early; jumping excitedly out of the bed she shared with Daniela at ... Continue»
Posted by Mikebasil 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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sex in the office

I was in one of those dreadful meetings that come about every month at the office, but this time it was the best meeting ever. I had gone without sex for about two months and had just come off being sick, so I was ready to go, but I did not know I was this ready! We have a glass table in our conference room and the beautiful new woman Heather sat across from me. She had beautiful light red hair with and an absolutely perfect body. Her shirt was semi-low-cut and she had tits you could stare at forever. During the meeting I got aroused looking across at her, more than normal and it just seemed t... Continue»
Posted by mace75 4 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Sex Humor  |  
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Best friends bitch and the ride home.

My buddy was coming to pick me up from the airport because I had just touched down. I was visiting him for the first time in six years, he had joined the Air f***e. I was going to stay for a week, I asked him to make sure there were some decent bitches around, but to my dismay he told me he was in a committed relationship and that I was on my own in that area. Well as I exited the plane into the airport, I noticed he was standing there with a very hot mess of a bitch, she was wearing a micro pink mini dress, and you could see she was freeballing because that fucking dress was almnost see throu... Continue»
Posted by bitchsplitter 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
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Dating leads to Fun with neighbour

Hello Guys and Girls I’m Naren 23 years old from Chennai. I am a student. Well I don't like to praise my own personality by my own words but my friends opinion about my personality is that Dude, you can impress any female of this world whether married or unmarried, whether sound character or unsound by your personality with in no time.
I am here to narrate the best encounter of my life. I am eagerly waiting for the response and suggestions of my story readers and readers post your feedback or If you need any help you can mail me on chennainareshk@gmail.com
It was summer vacation. I was alone... Continue»
Posted by matterboy 4 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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Rage Against His Machine

There is a man on this site by the name of Snake92666.
He is fairly well-known on this site, with over 36,000 comments and over 600 friends.
He is also amusingly homophobic.
I found this out one day, a little over a month back. I had left him a comment on his profile asking about the reason he explicitly stated twice in a row, in capital letters, that he was "100% straight." It seemed a little fishy to me, especially when his "about me" also contained several links to pictures of his penis, with overstated invitations for women to admire and men to avoid.
So I left him a comme... Continue»
Posted by Haseo89 4 years ago  |  Categories: Celebrities, Sex Humor  |  
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If I Had One of Those

If I had one of those I’d play with it all the time. I’d tease it and I’d pamper it. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for it. I’d use it every way I could think of. It’d be VERY MUCH worth it…
I’d show it off. “Hey, look what I’ve got!” I’d use it to tease all the boys. I’d wear really short skirts and the highest high heels, and I’d swing my hips just so, as only a real woman can. I’d spend a lot of time sitting in places where the boys walked by. I might even whistle at them! I’d be such a slut! When a really cute guy walked by I’d smile at him and open my legs to let him see ... Continue»
Posted by Volfy 4 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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the first one:)

This is a story about my friend, Rachel



My first time was with my boyfriend of 9 months. We were both 16, and we loved each other so much. We talked about having sex before, and we both thought we were ready, so we decided that if the chance came up, we would do it.

One night I went over his house to hang out. His mom left the house to go out, so we were home alone. We started kissing and making out on the couch, and he put his hand up my skirt, and i had my hand on his crotch. We were getting really into it, so I asked if he wanted to, and he said yes. We got a condom out of my purs... Continue»
Posted by qistinadaniel97 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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After Work - An erotic fantasy written by Rod Hous

It's one of your favorite bars, although you have not been here for quite a while. Lots of attractive men, especially during happy Hour. Unfortunately, that's also why there are always so many attractive women here at the same time. A lot of competition.

Still, you have had good success here in finding a partner for the evening. But tonight will be different. You will target the sexiest man here, and he will be your prize.

You have self-confidence in your appearance. You know that your young slim figure catches a man's eyes, and that you have a killer smile. Yet, you never seem to leave... Continue»
Posted by RodHouston 4 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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