Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 71
Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.
He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his cock and starts masturbating.
The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the fuck is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand ... Continue»
Have you and another given each other a mind blowing orgasm while fully dressed???????????????
I worked in this kitchen in Fl. and there was this waitress that would always brush her large tits and plump ass against me when ever she would pass me in the kitchen area. So we talked flirtatiously to one another for about two weeks.
One night out back taking a break she comes out and we get into a heated conversation. She noticed I had a massive hard-on and she said "I wish I could ride that cock right now". I had on a pair of loose chef pants; she had on a pair of black tight cotton/polyest... Continue»
This post is about how, to some of you, size DOES matter…a lot! As you can see, I am at the other end of the spectrum at 4.5 inches. Does this bother me? Yes and no. Let me start at the beginning and I think you’ll see what I mean…
My first girlfriend was very devoted to me as a person but unfortunately she couldn’t really feel much when we made love. Over time since she knew what a high sex drive I had she would take dick and start jerking me off. After a couple of minutes she always said her arm was getting tired which meant that she wanted me to finish myself off. This became the norm af... Continue»
The Italian Job 20
The night went well with Maria giving her usual performance, she was staring at me as she took the guys in turn as they lined up to fill her with spunk, it was running down her legs in rivers by the time they had finished and got bored with her,
I was surprised because neither Sonia or Yvonne got involved with anyone else and there were plenty of potential suitors but they didn’t seem to want to know, Christina was still a bit sore in her arse but she took some guy in the pool that I think both eased the problem with her arse and took her mind off the problem because she... Continue»
It was 3 O'clock in the morning when i was woken up by my boyfriend Alex kissing my neck 'whats this for?' i asked slightly breathless, my pussy already hot, i loved it when he kissed my neck. 'I woke up, couldn't sl**p and...' he kissed me again and i felt his erection press againt me, unhindered by clothing 'I'm hard' he said.
He pulled my nightgown over my head so that i was naked just like him. he began to kiss downmy body, sucking at nipples taking them deep into his mouth, then carrying on down, he reached my pulls and licked my lips he parted them with his fingers and found my w
The moon was full, bathing the bay and surrounding suburbs in a cerulean hue. The hot and humid air of the summer's night was still and silent, save for the crashing of the waves in the distance.
A careful eye would have spied the lanky silhouette of Joe scaling the wall effortlessly and dropping into the grounds without a sound. The moon illuminated the grounds of the house allowing Joe to scan the scene perfectly. The large manor house slouched no more than fifty yards away, the lower windows and doors boarded up. Boarded up but accessible, yes, always accessible.
The garden consist... Continue»
Learning to fuck like a porn star
For those who have read parts 1 & 2 of this little ‘saga, you’ll know that at a photo session in 1985 I met an ex-porn actress called Nikki. We hit it off and ended up going out for 2-3 months. Like most 24 yr old guys at the time, I thought I had hit the ‘jackpot’ in meeting a porn actress – GUARANTEED great sex and, if I was REALLY lucky, a route in to the world of MAKING PORN! Well, not all was what I thought it would be....
Nikki had already shown me her scene from one of the films she had been in. She played a receptionist at a health farm who gets ... Continue»
Kent held his book in one hand and sc****d dirt off the side of his sneaker with a stick he held in the other. Deciding to read his assigned chapter on a bench in front of the English building on the nicest day of the year was a big mistake, Kent thought. Waaaaaaaaaaay too easy to get distracted out here.
A deep purr caught Kent’s ear and grew louder as an old pick-up truck rounded the corner and slid into one of the student parking spaces. Dried mud was splattered across the entire truck like it was a mobile Jackson Pollack canvas. Kent trained his eye on the vehicle as the driver’s door ... Continue»
Had long stressful day today so instead of my usual quick shower I decided to run a nice hot bubble bath.
The water was quite hot and it got very steamy in my small bathroom but it was too cold outside to open a window and since there was nobody home I just left the door slightly ajar.
I was about 5mins into a nice soak when I heard the front door open and my younger b*o come in with one of his pals from football.
I heard them head straight for the kitchen so didnt bother closing the door to the bathroom.
After another few mins I heard some1 come up the stairs..I was about to jump up and ... Continue»
The Italian Job 19
As I mentioned in 18 I was at this time booked to do a job in Croatia for a company on the Istra Peninsular, they were nice people and I am adding this to the Italy project because it fits in with my work in Italy, I flew from Bolognia to Trieste then they picked me up and drove me round to Umag where the factory was sited, they had an old machine that was controlled by a digital system and they wanted converted to a computer control with animated displays etc., I won’t bore you with too many details but the work had been planned to take place over a 4 week period, so the c... Continue»
The other week when i was on a night out with my pals, i had run short of money, so i went to the bank machine alone. There were a group of girls walking towards me making quite a bit of noise and one girl was carrying her heels. She had a short dress on and bare legs.
I was at the cash machine and as they passed me, i asked her why she had not got her shoes on. She looked at me and asked if i could fasten them for her, as she was a little d***k and could not fasten the buckle. Being the gentleman that i am, i bent down and she gave me her shoes. She put her foot on my knee and was holdi... Continue»
(Jill's alligator mouth get her in real trouble)
How it all started:
L.A. in the summer, save for the pollution factor, isn't much different than Florida in the summer, both are hot, with crowded beaches as Jill was finding out. Long Beach they called the town named after all the beach front property, ran out all the way to Seal Beach, which continued to other beaches, but all the same waterfront, just miles upon miles of connected beaches. Still, with all that beach front you'd think there'd be some room to spread out in peace, she thought, as a group of black men stampeded through kick... Continue»
(They enjoy sexy wife in front of him!)
This gorgeous married lady is a genuinely submissive lady who would love to answer Mails from men who appreciate her sexy body, and would like to tease her and instruct her into doing naughty things!! Any notes/comments will be forwarded to her by Hopebeach, and she promises to answer each reply if you leave your Mail address.'
Submissive and Willing!!
It was only Wednesday morning but Fran, the attractive 35 year old wife, was nervous already about the coming Saturday night. Her husband, Jake, had made a full confession to her the night before.... Continue»
(Peeping on the neighbor girls leads to much more)
Part 1 – The Trespass
It was a smoldering summer morning, normal for Phoenix, when I chose to climb the wooden, six-foot-tall fence separating our backyard from our neighbor's, to retrieve the basketball that had inadvertently bounced into their yard the previous day. I absolutely hated going over to a neighbor's house, knocking on the door, and requesting something I'd lost in their yard. Looking back, I have no idea why I felt that way. When I was eighteen it just seemed infinitely easier to climb the fence, toss the ball back over, an... Continue»
(Step-mom teases voyer step-son)
Carmen was in the den, sitting on the couch with a knee tucked under her chin and her foot propped on the coffee table, applying polish to her toenails. She was wearing a short-waisted, loosely knitted cover-up jacket that revealed dots and dashes of a tiny, neon-orange bikini top. Except for the presence of a thin thong waistband, a profile view of her bare, toned thigh and rounded, firm buttock would give the impression she was nude from the waist down. While she concentrated on her work, a rush of wind swept up the canyon and infiltrated the privacy scree... Continue»
(Mature lady takes on two)
As I went to get us a nightcap I saw the barman glance across to Eileen and smile. I followed his gaze to see that Eileen had apparently carelessly allowed her skirt to ride up over her stocking tops and as she uncrossed her legs was giving him and I a good stretch of creamy thigh and a flash of her newly shaven pussy. She smiled when she saw us glancing across and slowly crossed her legs to leave her short tight black skirt still a good few inches short of her lace top hold-ups.
As he gave me our drinks he smiled and said" you are a lucky man". I realised this... Continue»
(Young couple help their best friend out of depression)
Cathy and Paul had been married for almost five years. They met in college, dated for two years and were married even before they finished school. The first year was tight but when they finally graduated they were both fortunate to land jobs quickly. This helped them to buy a house and move on to living life.
Paul’s friends harassed him about getting married so soon but Cathy is very beautiful and knew he couldn’t let her slip away.
Cathy is 5’5” 126 lbs. and has full firm breasts with nipples that will stick out almost an inch w... Continue»
(A night to remember with Lydia the rock chick)
Dante's was such a good club. Isn't it funny that it always seems to be the really good places that close down? Well, it's still there I suppose. It's got a different name now and you wouldn't recognise it at all. New owners, new decor, different music, different clubbers. Higher prices. But I'll always remember it as the rock club where I met her that night. The night she showed me the time of my life. Lydia. Sex goddess. Rock chick.
I'd been living in Sheffield for two months, training with a multinational company that had a local office ... Continue»
(I was f***ed to help the girls' injured coach)
Mrs. Pierce was a real piece of work. That's all there was to it. She was the girls' softball coach and the reason they had been the most winning team in county history but that didn't change the fact that she was a real bitch. All the girls hated Mrs. Pierce, partly because of her nasty temper but mostly because of her cutting, condescending remarks but each member of the team played their very best to avoid becoming the target of her ridicule.
The girls weren't the only ones scared of Mrs. Pierce; us guys were afraid of her too. Nobody wa... Continue»
(Couple meets hot slut at strip club)
We'd had a long lunch with plenty to drink before Lisa dropped me at the front door, and headed off toward the bar a mile down the road. I'd told her to give me half an hour before she came back, and to wait in the parking lot. "Drive carefully" I said to her as I closed the door and entered the dimly lit strip club.
I stepped inside and waited a second, letting my eyes adjust from the brilliant Canadian sunshine to the dark interior of the strip club. It was two-thirty in the afternoon and predictably the place was virtually empty, with maybe twenty... Continue»