Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 71

Stitching Frankengirl Together: a Halloween Treat

Halloween is my favorite holiday. It combines candy, monsters, horror movies, ancient pagan rituals, booze, partying all night, fake bl**d, and hot girls in sexy costumes. On top of everything else, Halloween, a night given over to fun, fantasy, and revelry, is by far the sexiest holiday of them all (shove off Valentine's Day).

I always use October as a chance to revisit my favorite monster movies, the glorious black and white classics like Dracula, The Wolfman, The Mummy, and my favorites, Frankenstein and the even better Bride of Frankenstein. Now, Doctor Frankenstein had a bright idea, ... Continue»
Posted by Regrets 2 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor  |  Views: 230  |  
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The life drawing model and I (Based on true story)

This just happened two nights ago (I have used fake names of course though) :) .

Alex had been single for nine months and decided to join a dating website. After two weeks of a few boring dates in the city, he was requested an add by a Serbian girl named Mili one night that lived about fourty minutes away from him. He accepted her, and they chatted for awhile until the conversation went along to:

9.17pm

Mili says: So you do a lot of life drawing?
Alex says: Yes, I love it, it is my passion in life.
Mili says: I have never tried it, but I wouldn't mind...
Alex says: What, really? It... Continue»
Posted by aussieguy00000 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 359  |  
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How many women?!!


After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past.

"C'mon, tell me," she asked for the thousandth time, "how many women have you slept with?"

"Baby," he protested, "if I told you, you'd throw a fit".

Kim promised she wouldn't get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her.

"Okay," he said, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there's you - nine, ten, 11, 12, 13.."... Continue»
Posted by FREAKEEJASIN 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 1258  |  
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A very merry Xmas........... thanks to a MILF call

Okay, if you read my story 'Something on account', you'll know that I had a big surprise waiting for me at the office Xmas party in 1978 when I was 17. Completely unexpectedly, I had received the best blow job I had had to date - and it was from Joan, the company accountant AND three times my age!

Well, you will also know that I mentioned that there was another mature lady at that party. Lisa.

In the UK, there is an old saying... "As fit as a butchers dog". What that means is that the butcher always had the choice of the best cuts of meat for his own f****y, and the scraps made their wa... Continue»
Posted by jasper61 2 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 1345  |  
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Go Get Some (A Poem)

Just another poem...you don't have to take it to heart, though not a bad idea...

Go Get Some.

So, you’re looking for another rhyme,
Don’t know if I can do it this time,
I tried to think of something hot,
Something with a lusty plot,
Something you can read and wank,
But my mind simply came up blank,
So instead of reading some dirty poem,
While you’re sitting back at home,
Take a trip into the city,
Where you may find some real kitty,
Cause sex isn’t just to read about,
It’s something I can’t do without,
Cash your check when you get paid,
Go outside and actually ... Continue»
Posted by Exakta66 2 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  Views: 169  |  
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The Italian Job 15

The Italian Job 15
The following morning I had my usual 2 breakfast’s, tea and toast for one and Ellie’s genitalia for the other as she sat on my face leaning forward with her hands on the bed behind my head as she ground her clit into my teeth, she came gushing her juice into my mouth as she trembled, she was learning to ride them so that the sensation lasted for some time so the noise of her moaning and growling was quite prolonged, I fucked her missionary with her legs wrapped around me as she used them to lever herself up into the back arching position when she came, it was a reflex and s... Continue»
Posted by the_priest 2 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 165  |  
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The Queen

My quest to find the Queen of Sex Fantasy Land in search of the ultimate sexual experience...

The Queen.

I am so ashamed. I am just so ashamed of myself, you have no idea. I have been so bad I should be punished by one or two of you fine looking women. Really, I have been a bad boy. I have let you people down big time. Oh yes, I really did it this time. Here I am on an adult web site and what do I write? c***dish nonsense about lost tribes of wild women, going back to the Garden Of Eden, girls tied to fences. Utter nonsense. Here you people are out there, expecting some hot... Continue»
Posted by Exakta66 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 252  |  
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21

REASONS WHY YOU MUST GET TOGETHER WITH A HORSE RIDERS
1) We have four speeds and can be many different positions ...
2) We have on our tight pants
3) We like getting dirty
4) We know how to ride really
5) We always do our best in the drawing
6) We love having control
7) We can ride for hours
8) We know how to deal with big things
9) We are going off and on easily
10) We are always ready
11) We like it hard
12) We have leg and back muscles that help us manage all the different positions
13) We love using whips
14) legs apart is our natural position
15) We do... Continue»
Posted by betty6love6 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 269  |  
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Cum Face the Boyz

I am not sure if this story belongs under this category since it doesn't involve nudity, but I think this is the most appropriate place. Last week I went to visit the guy I am dating, Adam. We were hanging out alone at his parent's house (they were out) and we decided to order pizza. While waiting for the pizza we started to fool around a little bit in his living room, and I ended up giving him a blowjob. I was really getting into it (Adam's always into it!) when the doorbell rang. I immediately stopped and pulled my face away. At that same moment Adam ejaculated unexpectedly. After the first ... Continue»
Posted by oralTcmlvr 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 587  |  
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Sex Fantasy TV, A Play (Sixth stab at humor)

The second humor based short play I wrote back in 2009...sixth stab at humor in sex...

Sex Fantasy TV, A Play (Sixth stab at humor)

Scene 1: A television studio set sometime in the future. Three couples are seated in front of the main TV camera. The show's host is standing in front of them with a stage behind the host. On the stage are prizes for the contestants. A studio audience is observing the goings on.

Characters:
Peter Long: Sharply dressed middle-aged man. He is the host of the show.
Debbie: Shapely, young woman in a sequined dress. She points to the prizes on ... Continue»
Posted by Exakta66 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 120  |  
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Freshman Felatio 101

It was the fall of my sophomore year in college and I had just moved into a new apartment and I had put up an ad for a room mate to help cover the expenses. A number of girls had called but the one I settled on was a girl named Alicia who was just a freshman but her parents were well to do and she didn't want to live in the dorms. Most of the other girls I either knew by name or reputation and I really didn't want my pad to become party central.

Alicia was a small town girl, who was still dating her high school sweet heart, who was stuck at home attending junior college because he couldn't... Continue»
Posted by oralTcmlvr 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 745  |  
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More Fun With An Asslock Cock Ring

Hi here's a couple more Asslock Cockring stories, I hope you enjoy them.

The first one happened a few weeks ago when I found myself feeling desperately horny and a little twitchy with need. Sadly poor Wifey was right in the middle of her monthly, plus she was still suffering with an awful bout of thrush. Sensing my odd mood she asked if I was OK, I couldn't help but mention to her that I badly needed to cum, "yes you do!" she said. Happily she selflessly offered to make much of me with her tongue, fingers, and mouth while I wore my new toy the Ass lock Cock Ring.

Once upstairs ... Continue»
Posted by stimslut 2 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 453  |  
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Cock Sucking Addiction Seems To Be A f****y Trait

So this weekend my Aunt asked if I would help her clean out her attic and put on a yard sale. I know she will be upset if she finds out I posted this but, I guess my obsession with giving head runs in the f****y :)

While going through some of her Law School books, this note fell out, I still have more books to go through, I hope i find more.

K.L. thoughts on my recent Oral Arguments- Pro
"Any college student looking for work in his field can appreciate the difference between theory and practice. Long before I developed any sort of expertise in the sexual arts, Scarletlet... Continue»
Posted by oralTcmlvr 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  Views: 1475  |  
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SEX IN CHURCH

SITTING THERE IN CHURCH LISTENING TO THE PREACHER…I STARTED TO THINK ABOUT HOW MUCH FUN THAT I HAD THE NIGHT BEFORE WIT MY LOVE….IT STARTED ME GETTING ALL HOTT AND EXCITED….

I BEGIN TO FEEL THE MOISTURE BEGIN BETWEEN MY LEGS AND FEEL THE THROBBING AND TWITCHING THAT UNYQUE WAS DOING….OH YES UNYQUE IS THE NAME OF MY PUSSY FOR THOSE THAT DON’T KNOW YET…

SHE GIVES ME SIGNALS OF WHEN SHE WANT DICK IN HER LIFE….I BEGIN TO MOVE AROUND ON THE BENCH TRYING TO TAME AND QUIET HER DOWN….BUT THAT WASN’T HELPING ME OUT ONE BIT…

I GLANCED OVA MY RIGHT SHOULDER AND NOTICED THIS FINE AZZ GUY LOOKING ... Continue»
Posted by ladytrucka42 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  Views: 1238  |  
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Eve (A true story...OK, maybe not)

Going back in time to give the first woman her first orgasm...hey, somebody had to do it...

Eve (A true story...OK, maybe not)

Hello people. Hope you are doing well out there in Fantasy Land. What, you say you are not in Fantasy Land? Oh you will be soon. Don't worry, because we are going deep into Fantasy Land. So deep, we may never return. And believe me, you will go to Fantasy Land with me. Even if I have to pick you up and sling you over my shoulder. So come with me, to Fantasy Land.

It all started innocently enough one fine day back in the eighties. If you recall f... Continue»
Posted by Exakta66 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 606  |  
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Marriage

A priest blesses a couple for their wedding. The next day the priest meets the wife in the shopping center alone. He asked "Where is your husband?", and she replied i left him back home because he prefers to watch TV sports.
The priest asked again, are you going back to him sooner or later? The wife said yes, i can't leave without him.
The priest looked and smiled in a funny way just to say "You get married one day, leave your spouse next, try to get back to fuck your spouse and possibly do that all over again".
That is why as a priest, the nun to stay committed to whatever i want from spir... Continue»
Posted by great_lover 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 550  |  
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You Know Your Fetishes Have Gone Too Far , Parte D

1. Some people use blenders for smoothies, some use them for margaritas. You use them for foreplay.

2. You’ve worn fetish clothing for so long, you find polo shirts to be very erotic.

3. Black and Decker called. It was tough finding a strong enough motor, but the prototype is ready.

4. You buy so many batteries, the president of Duracell sends you a fruit basket every year.

5. Gomez and Morticia Addams envy your basement dungeon.

6. You enter baking contests just to hide your massive Crisco purchases.

7. In the spirit of MacGyver, you can fashion a sex toy out of a ball point... Continue»
Posted by JerseyWBull 2 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor  |  Views: 180  |  
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Tight Pussy Dutch Hookers

Several years back, I took a lot of regular business trips to the Netherlands, where I would have to stay on business for several weeks at a time. My business would typically have me stay in a smaller inland city. The days and the hours were long, with business dinners every evening keeping me constantly occupied.

One weekend on a particularly long trip, I went on a walk to explore the town I was in. I’d occasionally run into a sex shop and I’d go in to browse the magazines. I’d sometimes stop and look through the European porn magazines that would show much more kink than American ma... Continue»
Posted by nvision 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 825  |  
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Hardonis Academy P-12

Chapter 12, Third Day


The three new friends met at breakfast the next day, they were all smiling. Even though they had not had sex with each other, they seemed sure of forming a tight bond. The Academy was centered on the Hall building, which included the dining area, library, club rooms, student council and newspaper offices, and the theater. To the East were the two dorm buildings. To the West was the sports complex, which included the medical office. To the north was the administration building, witch included the guidance councilor’s office. To the South was the large square ... Continue»
Posted by VictorL4fun 2 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 373  |  
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pool table adventure lol

well many yrs ago i always wanted to have gd hard sex on a pool or cnooker table................but i must admit not in a pub full of ppl lol...anyway i worked in a couple of pubs and so 1 nite aftr locking up and leaving the certains undrawn i ravished my boyfriend ovr the pool table gt him to bend me over and give it to me doggy style was amazing fun, then he flipped me on my back wiv my legs up open wide in the air whilst he slowly slid his hard cock into my tight pussy he took his time so he cud watch himself slide in and out of my pussy............anywayz as we carried on this sexy motion... Continue»
Posted by andetonya999 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 330  |  
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