I really hate going shopping around the holidays. My wife has shopping lists the length of her arm and sometimes if I don’t go with her she’ll spend money like there’s no tomorrow. But I can only take so much walking around in those damn malls. I can’t keep my damn eyes focused on where I am supposed to be going and wind up walking into other people because of all the damn eye candy in the damn place. I have never seen so much damn young pussy walking around in one place in my life. The ratio must be 15 females to each guy. And when I say girls I mean the average female must only be 18 or 19 y... Continue»
Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 70
Recently I made an unexpected big splash in our new neighborhood. We just moved to a new home the end of this past week. The home was a former model home and it was the largest of the three model homes in a model center that was sold off and the previous office. So, naturally the home has all the bells and whistles. Well, that is except one thing... they disarmed the alarm system when we closed on the house. I noticed this when we were opening and closing the door constantly moving furniture in the front door. I wasn’t hearing the high pitched “beep” I used to hear when we first viewed the hou... Continue»
It's an amateur CGI film, running time 39 minutes. It has everything---Story, sex, emotion. The uploader, thesandman01, clearly put countless hours of work into it.
I dedicate this post to him. What follows is an adaption of his movie in a prose format. I have kept it as faithful to his film as possible, although I have condensed several scenes for editorial reasons.
"Just ten months ago, my life was in shatters."
Overly indulgent and depressing music playing, fade-out to dresser with shattered... Continue»
One early Sunday morning bored and a little turned on I decided to check Craigslist personals for a little fun (if I got lucky) and or just for shits and giggles.
This ended up landing me a hooker, pretending to be an average girl looking for free sex (usual craigslist stuff, but she never advertised she was a hooker until I emailed). Which kind of made me want to have fun with her a little.
Emails are as follows -
"Hi, I saw your ad on craigslist. I saw your pictures and I just had to compliment you on it."
"Are you generous?"
This shit again..... Continue»
I like anime, you know those japanese cartoons that are all the rage with those fringe types of society. I think it's great most of the time, I love the stories, I love the characters, and I love the art styles.
some of my favorites are:
Cowboy bebop, yes I'm one of those where this can't go anywhere but the top, It's great, I started watching it on adult swim and now I own the DVD's. It turned me on to getting a taste for jazz, and queens. I've identified deeply with different characters, and I love the thought of being a space cowboy.
"Trigun/Hellsing", with Trigun I love the cyber... Continue»
1. Know anything about a car except its colour.
2. Understand a film plot.
3. Go 24 hours without sending a text message.
9. Read a map.
10. Rob a bank.
11. Resist Ikea.
12. Sit still.
13. Tell a joke.
14. Play pool.
15. Pay for dinner.
16. Eat a kebab whilst walking.
17. Pee out of a train window.
18. Argue without shouting.
19. Get told off without crying.
20. Understand fruit machines.
21. Walk past a shoe shop.
22. Make a decent bacon sandwich.
23. Not comment on strangers clothes.
24. Use small amounts of toilet paper.
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.
4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his s****r is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. ... Continue»
"Why don't we try something new today?" - Sheila suggested as she jumped on the bed.
We were having our usual "what are we doing tonight" conversation.
Our group was small but we usually got along well watching movies and playing video games. We weren't the kind to drink or go to big parties...
you could say we were all a little lazy and to be honest, that night I REALLY saw nothing wrong with simply hooking up the Wii
and playing Mario Party as usual.
"What's wrong with the usual?" - I said... demanding we continue our match.
"C'mon... be a little adventurous. We might find some... Continue»
Q: How do I know if I'm ready for sex?
A: Ask your boyfriend. He'll know when the time is right. When it comes to love and sex, men are much more responsible, since they're not as emotionally confused as women. It's a proven fact.
Q: Should I have sex on the first date?
A: YES. Before if possible.
Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex?
A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. The important thing to remember is that you must do whatever he tells you without question. Sometimes, however, he may ask you to do certain things that may at first seem strange to you. Do them anyway.
Britney Fucked In The Penthouse
A few weeks ago my little s****r Kate, won first prize in a radio station's phone in competition. She was delighted as the prize was two tickets to meet her idol Britney Spears and she had to interview the pop princess for the radio station. My Mum wasn't going to let Kate go as neither Mum or Dad could get time off work to take Kate to the gig, and they would not let their 12 year old daughter to go on her own with out some one to take care of her.
I said that I would take her and Mum agreed to that as I was 19 and she always said I was very respo... Continue»
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.
A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.
Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing th... Continue»
Dating in the modern age sucks!
So much of our lives is available at the push of a button. It's very hard to get dates when a quick Google search reveals your hidden Skeletons. In a flash any prospective mate can see your Wedding photos on Facebook, or a positive review of a Herpes cream you bought on Amazon.
For me, the thing that stands out is; Murder.
If you'd pass me on the street you'd be surprised to learn that I took a life, yep it's true. And I spent my Teens in Jail for it.
From Thirteen to Eighteen "The Mossberg home for Juvenile Offenders" was my home. And while those... Continue»
So, it was a while since my last story... (I fucked Kara) Kara was out of state for a bit and I hit a total dry spell. It was crappy weather outside, classes were canceled and I took the day off of work. I was just sitting there watching movies and old sitcoms all day while eating cheesy ruffles... That was pretty satisfying enough for me, but I had to fuck or I was gonna go crazy.
I scrolled through my phone book on my cellphone. I'm not gonna lie, it was a bit more sparse than I expected it to be, I thought I knew more girls than I actually did. I sent out a few texts to some girls... Continue»
Some more years ago we went to a restaurant of a oarsman’s club at our river. I said to my wife, please wear that black leather costume with garter, lace stockings and black boots.
She put her black white striped bra under the jacket and no pants under the very short skirt. She looked fantastic. With every step her skirt moved round her thighs and her ass. The lace of the stockings look out and you could see the closure of the garter. Hot view.
So we went into the restaurant. There was a heightened podest with some tables ... Continue»
My doorbell rings and I rush to the hallway. My heart leaps into my throat, my pulse quickens and my skin becomes moist. I have been waiting for you, here in my house, for so long. Now you have come and I can hardly wait for you to enter. I stand at the back of the long hall, itching to rush to the door and loving the exquisite prolongation of this moment, my body becoming weaker, my love for you becoming stronger.
From my warm secret hiding place deep in the dark of my house I see your silhouette through the frosted glass. You press your nose to it and you see nothing but shadow. Already ... Continue»
26 December 2008
Darling, just a quick thank you note for my lovely Christmas present. A partridge in a pear tree, how unusual! You are SO thoughtful. I love you to bits
27 December 2008
Darling, thank you thank you thank you! Two turtle doves, how very sweet of you! You are such a romantic! Lots of love!!
28 December 2008
Thank you for the three French hens, darling, I suppose I can use the eggs. Bye for now.
30 December 2008
Hello sweetheart, I'm sorry about not writing yesterday but to be honest I was a bit worried about all these presents you were buying and I'm still ... Continue»
Ray sat at his desk his gaze fixed firmly on Simon.
"Dare I ask why you're staring so obsessively at Simon, Ray?" Colton asked coming over.
"I saw him laugh a few minutes ago, that's why." Ray said keeping his Gaze fixed on Simon.
"Simon doesn't laugh Ray, are you sure it wasn't a burp?" Colton asked.
"It was a laugh I tell you. He was at his desk at his computer, he got a text then he laughed!"
As the two continued to talk they were joined by Amber, Beth and Hector.
"What's going on over here?" Amber asked.
"Simon laughed!" Ray said under his breath.
"Are you sur... Continue»
Vi träffades nere i stan en vårdag..vi kramades och gav oss en het kyss..vi gick till ett kaffe och beställde kaffe med bulle..
Jag satt sidan om dig..tog min hand och smekte utanför dina byxor..den reagerade snabbt..jag log..
Du sa att den hade längtat efter mina smekningar...då viskade jag till dig att jag inte hade några trosor på mig..
Du flämtade och sa..du då åker vi bums hem...men jag svarade..nää det gör vi inte och började smeka dig igen..jag log..
Du tog din hand under min kjol och vandrade uppåt och jag stretade så du kunde känna hur våt jag var...
Du viskade i mitt öra..Mmm..d... Continue»
When you go hiking there's a few things to remember. 1. There may be large carnivorous a****ls, 2. There may be snakes, 3. Always have protection. Ok with this advice we go to the story. My ex-husband and I loved to go hiking and camping and rappelling when we lived in Alaska. We would always go to the area around Turnagain Arm. One afternoon we were just out messing around, wandering the trails, basically just having fun. As we were walking along I noticed he was getting further and further behind. I continually had to stop and wait for him. I was getting a bit upset, we had come out her... Continue»
The frat party was dying down, as the crowd became less dense the spilled beer pong cups and garbage became less apparent... Sucks for whoever is going to clean that one up.
The girl I met (we'll call her Kara for identity sake) was waiting for me to drop her off. We had a pretty good time, this is one of the few times I had a girl with me and didn't have a shit load of "Mother Hens" interfering.
"Are you ready to leave?" I asked.
"Yes" she said eagerly.
She was a cutie... he had ample breasts, and a nice shapely ass. Her hair was dark with blonde streaks... or blon... Continue»