Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 70

Anna 1 Anna and the Firemen

---- Anna 1: Anna and the Firemen ----

Trying to ignore the pain in my back, I gently squeezed Anna's firm buttocks. Such a sweet ass she had, a great handful to hold on to, to pull her against my penetrating cock as she rode me to an orgasm.

She'd collapsed on my body now, her heavy breathing still puffing against my neck as she cuddled in post-orgasmic satisfaction. I squeezed her buttocks again. Let her get her breath back, and then maybe I could roll her over, throw her legs over my shoulders, and fuck her hard and fast for my own climax!

I heard a faint noise and open my eyes.... Continue»
Posted by cptfritz 3 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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Anna 3 Anna and the Principal

-------- Anna 3: Anna and the Principal --------

Anna's young son was looking for a cartoon video when he found the stack of photo printouts on the TV cabinet. Curious, he leafed through them. He was amazed to see his mother's face in many of them! But she was always naked! And there were men, one was a huge fat black man! In many of the pictures the men had their things, their wee-wee's sticking out! Except they weren't like his wee-wee: these were big, long, stiff, not short and floppy like his. He looked closely at some the images: yes, it's like he thought: they were sticking the... Continue»
Posted by cptfritz 3 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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Susie Wong

A little background: Eddie, a friend of mine, and I take alternate shifts at a security office. The office is usually quiet, we just have to be there, be responsible, watch the monitors, that sort of thing. At night no one ever visits.

Well, no one except Eddie's wife Susie. She's half-Chinese, very attractive, very outgoing, and with a mouth and attitude like a Marine on shore leave! She'd had quite an upbringing in this Navy town and was quite the handful for her Chinese father, a first-generation immigrant, and her American redneck mother! (Those two are another whole story, but ne... Continue»
Posted by cptfritz 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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QUOTATIONS ABOUT LOVE

The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.

Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand

Mahatma Gandhi was what wives wish their husbands were: thin, tan and moral.

In Brighton she was Brenda
She was Patsy up in Perth,
In Cambridge she was Candida,
The sweetest girl on earth.
In Stafford she was Stella,
The pick of the bunch
But down on his expenses
She was Petrol, Oil and Lunch

It is impossible to love and be wise.

Love your enemies in case your friends turn out to be a bunch of bastards

Love your enemies in case your friends ... Continue»
Posted by All-The-Way 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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QUOTATION ABOUT LOVE :)

The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.

Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand

Mahatma Gandhi was what wives wish their husbands were: thin, tan and moral.

In Brighton she was Brenda
She was Patsy up in Perth,
In Cambridge she was Candida,
The sweetest girl on earth.
In Stafford she was Stella,
The pick of the bunch
But down on his expenses
She was Petrol, Oil and Lunch

It is impossible to love and be wise.

Love your enemies in case your friends turn out to be a bunch of bastards

Love your enemies in case your friends ... Continue»
Posted by All-The-Way 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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chating spanish wife

My fingers peck at the keyboard as I blink at the screen, the words glowing fuzzily back at me. I reach out and take a sip of my soda to wet my drying lips. I read over her words again.

{my pussy is so wet for u}

I glance at my response in the send box before hitting return, watching my words magically appear on the screen before me.

{r u playing with urself now?}

I couldn't believe how wrapped up in this I had become. I never went into chatrooms before, the whole interest of computers and Internet communication escaping me, but sitting home by myself for days upon days, nothing to... Continue»
Posted by zopri 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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Vegerotica

"Oh, god, I'm turnipy today," Pepper sighed. "It's been way too long since we spinached."

"Come here, pumpkin," Sorrel told her. "Are you thinking you'd like some good old-fashioned yamming?"

"God, yes." Pepper settled into his arms. "It's been a week, and I've been dreaming about your zucchini."

"Glad to hear it, because the past few days, all I've been able to think about is your sweet little potato," Sorrel said. He hugged her. "Come on, baby, let's go upstairs so we can cabbage."

"Upstairs? My rutabaga's so wet just thinking about your hard eggplant that I'm afraid I'll drip wh... Continue»
Posted by zopri 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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MY FAV JOKES

Patient to doctor: The problem is that obesity runs in our f****y. Doctor to patient: No.............the problem's that no one runs in your f****y.

I was walking home late one night and saw a woman in the shadows.
"Ten pounds . ." she whispers.
I'd never been with a prostiture before, so i decided, it’s only a tenner,why not, So we hide in the bushes.
Were going at it for a minute or so when all of a sudden a light flashes on us. It’s a policeman.,"Ello ello ello,What’s going on here, " asks the officer.
"I’m making love to my wife!, " i answered indignantly.
"Oh, I’m sorry, " say... Continue»
Posted by icumonu 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Happy Ending Switch

I have been seeing the same massage ther****t for the better part of a year now. She is in her mid to late 30’s and fairly attractive. While she is a state licensed ther****t she does occasionally make exceptions to the state laws pertaining to Happy Endings for very few clients. And I just happen to be lucky enough to be one of those few clients.

Over these last few months I have k**ded with her about turning the tables on her and offering to have a session with her where I massage her instead of her massaging me. Well, when I called her for my last appointment she asked me if I was seriou... Continue»
Posted by bigsoftee 3 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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My New Ther****t

The other day I was really sore from working out and thought it would be a great to treat myself to a massage. Being something of a massage freak I am always looking and hoping for that elusive Happy Ending as an extra. I looked on the internet under Massage Ther****ts and found a local gal who was happy to make an appointment for me the same day. She had a sexy sounding voice and I figured maybe I would luck out and finally get that Happy Ending I was looking for. But when she said her location was in a beauty parlor I figured forget the Happy Ending. This would be a completely normal and non... Continue»
Posted by bigsoftee 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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Another Vacation

Have you ever had that friend that you imagine what they look like naked? Well my s****r's mother-in-law is a woman I wanted to see naked. She is 62 years of sexy, soft silky legs, reddish brown curly hair, nipples that poke your eyes out with pleasure. As we spend Labor Day weekend at a Resort. Relaxing in the indoor water park, watching her float on the lazy river all spread out on a tub. OH... how I like to feast on that camel toe, she was sporting. I had to get a tub and float on my stomach and catch up to her as she floats on the back side through a tunnel. She had her back to me as I pad... Continue»
Posted by Gehld 3 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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Penile implant sex

This is a true story

I hope that men with erectile dysfunction take this information to heart.
Well let me start by saying I'm a 44 year old man that's been dealing with the fallout of a couple heart attacks and as a aside effect of my various medications that I'm on my Dick at first would work but I noticed that I could fuck for as long as I used to before my heart issues. I tried the pills, the pump, the muse system, all with no solid maintainable erection, so things with my wife were starting to get strained, and my confidence was shot. I told my doctor about my home issues with the wif... Continue»
Posted by Taboo69 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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A Short Story

A Short Story
in play format. (Originally written 23 Feb 2006)




Interior - waiting room of surgery. A voice over the P.A announces for Mrs Allott to enter Dr. R Don’s room.

Mrs Allott: Hello Dr.

Dr. Don: Good morning, Mrs Allott, what can I do for you? how’s Mr Allott?

Mrs Allott: He’s fine. Dr, I’m here about my pussy.

Dr. Don: And what is the problem with it?

Mrs Allott: It keeps itching.

Dr. Don: Well, you better get it out and I’ll take a look at it.

Mrs Allott gets it out and Dr. Don proceeds to take a good look at it.

Dr. Don: You have a lovely pussy,
... Continue»
Posted by suavisdulcis 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Anyone Remember?

Last Summer, my friends and I were at a concert. It was crowded, yet, we managed to be at the front of the audience. Once the concert began you could feel the huge f***e of bodies behind us. People kept pushing into our backs and one could smell the sticky sweat of overheated bodies in the air. A tall man was standing behind me. I noticed his groin kept touching my bum as we all moved. At first, I thought it was perhaps an accident but after several times I knew his true intentions but I liked it. The barrier in front of us was around waist height, I leaned over it, arched my back and stuck ... Continue»
Posted by FoxyGirl24 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Sarah Sneaks In

Yep, I’m making another one of these! Next one is already planned, but I’m not sure if the next piece I’ll upload is that one, or another one I’ve had on my mind for a while. Hint hint: I’m not sure how well video game rule 34 will be appreciated here. :P
Same as usual! Hit CTRL+F or scroll down to “SEX STARTS HERE” if that’s what you’re here for!
NOTE- PLEASE love a comment! Good, bad, ugly, any are good! I need reviews if I want to improve!
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The sky was pitch black and the moon was high in the sky. I sat al... Continue»
Posted by soniclemon 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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Flashing Wife


I never thought that I would be writing a letter to you, but I guess that goes to show that anything is possible. I'll have to start from the beginning so please bear with me.

I met my very beautiful and sexy wife about 12 years ago. I knew that she was the one for me the minute I laid eyes on her. We dated for quite a while without having sex and I respected her for the choice she made. That still doesn't mean I wasn't dying to get into her pants and sample her sweat juices. Then one day it finally happened. I mad... Continue»
Posted by jason1000 3 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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The Pre-Nup Agreement (a Chrissie Conway Story)

The Pre-Nup Agreement


Several years ago one of Kellys' friends had a b*****r who was getting married in Reno and a bunch of us girls
decided we would all get together for a wild weekend reunion. I unfortunately had several of my regular clients to see
on Thursday and Friday afternoon and wouldn't be able to depart for Reno until early Friday evening. Needless to say by
the time I arrived the ladies were already in a crazy celebratory mood. I'd had several drinks on the flight so I wasn't entirely
unprepared once I got to Reno.
I had the valet hire me a taxi and headed for the Cal... Continue»
Posted by chrissieCD 3 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Sex Humor, Shemales  |  
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Night At The Drive In

This a true, short, and funny story that involves sexual nature. But no sex within the characters of the story itself.

It was the late 70's or early 80's I can't remember which, and I was young. Very young... Definitely before puberty. My s****r as well, and she was 3 yrs older than me. Her and I were so excited that day. We couldn't wait for it to get dark. Why? Well my parents were going to take my s****r and I to the drive in theater to see the Disney movie, Cinderella.

So all day my s****r and I we kept asking, are we leaving yet? No not yet, go outside and play! So as the day we... Continue»
Posted by Raiz3R 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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First Flight

This piece of writing is an extract from my novel "Toggenburg" It's not a sex story as such but I post it here for a dear friend who I learned to my surprise had never flown on an aeroplane! Since this chapter was about a character's first flight on an aircraft i decided to post this for a little fun and to whet the appetite of my beloved shewolf for her first journey into the realms above.


The following day dawned bright and sunny although there were still clouds about clinging to the sides of the mountains. Sarah was up early; jumping excitedly out of the bed she shared with Daniela at ... Continue»
Posted by Mikebasil 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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sex in the office

I was in one of those dreadful meetings that come about every month at the office, but this time it was the best meeting ever. I had gone without sex for about two months and had just come off being sick, so I was ready to go, but I did not know I was this ready! We have a glass table in our conference room and the beautiful new woman Heather sat across from me. She had beautiful light red hair with and an absolutely perfect body. Her shirt was semi-low-cut and she had tits you could stare at forever. During the meeting I got aroused looking across at her, more than normal and it just seemed t... Continue»
Posted by mace75 3 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Sex Humor  |  
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