Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 70

Brain Transplant

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their f****y member lay gravely ill.

Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and sombre.

'I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news,' he said as he surveyed the worried faces.

'The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant.

It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope.

Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves.'

The f****y members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, 'Well,... Continue»
Posted by Deecee29 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 1059  |  
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The Italian Job 23

The Italian Job 23
I had taken the job from a contact in Belgium, the agent Eduardo In Argentina had a reputation for cheating the contractors who went there, I was determined that I was not going to be on that list of cheated people, I had to try to compromise him somehow so that I could apply pressure to get him to pay me my money, I had already taken a risk by flying to Argentina in the first place but I wanted to lull him into a false sense of security to let him think I was a gullible easy touch and of course my ace was Maria, on the first day of our arrival we got there early in the mor... Continue»
Posted by the_priest 2 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 370  |  
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Special Stuffing-Happy Thanksgiving


" I can't beleive I'm doing this"
A thick wet slap resounds from the steel sink. It is followed by a moist gurgle and then the sound of wet suction followed by another wet slap.
"Don't throw out the gizzards, they're for the gravy."
A trilling giggle hits my ear next, then something heavy and slimy.I turn my head to be met with a slick fleshy column of skin bending towards me.
"That's the neck.Rinse it off and put it in the skilllhehehet." I laugh, pushing her arm towards the sink.
Giggling, she emerses her long fingers beneath the shooting water faucet and rubs them up and down the di... Continue»
Posted by lookyloo 2 years ago  |  Categories: Lesbian Sex, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  Views: 831  |  
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d***k Sex on the Beach -- Part 1

She was so d***k. She thought the girls that brought her along were her friends, but they weren't. If they were, they'd have never let me drag her away from the fire.

I was a gatecrasher. I hadn't expected to be at any party, I didn't really know too many people in this city apart from my house-mates. I work at a local drive-through liquor store. Late one night a bunch of immature, loud-mouthed lads came through and told us about a beach party they were going to. I was on the 'early' shift, I finished at 11pm just as they came in to stock their trunk. The whole world was their friend just ... Continue»
Posted by PureCoffee 2 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  Views: 1974  |  
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Inexcusable Love Part 1

Chapter 1~

Cranbrook Secondary.
1:17 p.m.
Friday.

"Hey Cranbrook Secondary. Here are your daily announcements. Cheerleading squad needs to be at the Lions football game at four thirty for practices before the B.C. Lions play Chicago. If you want my advice guys, bring a camera-" laughing in the background- "and now for the choir. Hey Choir students, wondering if there are any extra try outs? Fortunately, yes! Try outs start after school at three o' five so be there sharp! Lastly,grade twelve drama singing tryouts-" I straightened my back to listen carefully- "will be held in the north ... Continue»
Posted by milli214 2 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, First Time, Sex Humor  |  Views: 412  |  
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1920s "Flapper" terminology ...

The term "flapper" evokes the image of short fringe dresses, cigarette holders, bobs and stylish hair accessories.

But beyond these shorter hemlines and daring fashion attitudes was a strong undercurrent of change for women in the Roaring 1920s. This new generation of young woman, tired of men's dominance in society and of the old social norms that stifled them, took on new behaviors previously deemed not suitable for women. They drove cars, drank alcohol, and attended jazz clubs by night where they danced, smoked cigarettes and dated men casually. They began to work outside the home and ad... Continue»
Posted by billstew 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 204  |  
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Study Break to Fuck a d***k Slut

This incident happened during my first year in college. It was a Thursday night, which meant that most people at my state school were out partying, drinking, and having a good time. Unfortunately, I had to take an exam the next day, so I was stuck in my dorm, studying.

I was busy reading in my floor's common room until well after midnight, when all the students eventually returned from their nights of debauchery at one of the campus frat houses or wherever they had been. Most of them were, of course, d***k off their asses. They were stumbling back to their rooms either singing too loudly, l... Continue»
Posted by PureCoffee 2 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  Views: 2843  |  
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just fucked

Just left a bomb party with a celeb party. Fucked this guy in the bathroom. His wife was outside. Made him cum back to back with my fat wet juicy sloppy pussy. He said his wife has never made him do that. I sucked his dick while stroking it with my tougue as I rubbed his balls. I then began to suck his balls while jacking him off. He panted and panted as I licked his balls. What white balls he had...hahaha.. he said he always wanted a black bitch.. my mouth got juicy when he said that. Made him cum so hard it skeeted hard all over my face. O got it up again by rubbing his balls gently, I lai... Continue»
Posted by Phatpussy714 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  Views: 550  |  
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The Italian Job 22

The Italian job 22
Croatia asked me to go back and fine tune a few things then they would pay me at the end of that visit, they had already paid me some money which actually covered all my expenses for the job but I had no objection and it would be good to renew old acquaintances,

I told Ellie “can I come with you?” she said “if it is only a short trip I would love to see Croatia, I have never been, they tell me the thousand Islands area is beautiful” she said “the Istra peninsular is just at the top end of the thousand Islands” I explained “so when I am done in Umag we can make our way d... Continue»
Posted by the_priest 2 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 296  |  
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An October to Remember

An October to Remember

The last Friday in September started out as any other workday. My work buddy Bill and I drove to an Eastern New York city to make a delivery, We are team drivers for a local trucking company. Being out so long, we decided to stop for dinner as we would not return to the yard until after 6PM. As I got out of our truck I felt a pop in my belly. Having an umbilicus hernia I was used to strange things happening to my navel. We ate, and headed back to the yard. As we drove back, I started having pain behind my belly button. By the time we returned I couldn’t even stand up ... Continue»
Posted by horseshoecny 2 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  Views: 1139  |  
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I Creampied a Stranger!

Last night I went out with my friends in the city. We all me at a bar around 10pm. It was my friend Jacks birthday. We had been drinking for a while, making Jack do shots. At around 1 am he got really sick. I had been talking with this really cute girl. My friends were leaving to take Jack home. I felt bad staying behind but I was trying to score.

The girl's name was Samantha. she was pretty d***k and kept calling me Jake. I didn't care I just wanted to get some action. I had given her all the bullshit lines about be a stockbroker and that I lived in the city. She told me she was a school t... Continue»
Posted by PureCoffee 2 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  Views: 2598  |  
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Can't Remember What Happened

Sally's brain activated before her body. A switch came on inside her head, a rusty and disused one, like forcing an old circuit breaker back up. Must open eyes, she thought, but can't, they're too heavy. She felt her face pressed into the surface as if it had been in that one spot for years. She could feel the dents in her skin, the old pool of dribble at the corner of her mouth. Where was she, she tried to remember. Boom boom, throbbing in her head. Aah, came the quiet moan from her throat, her mouth as dry as sandpaper. What was she doing before this, she tried to remember but thinking was l... Continue»
Posted by PureCoffee 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 728  |  
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How to Eat Pussy and have fun

How to Eat Pussy and have fun
Hey, I have a lot of respect for all you guys who like to eat pussy because there are too few of you out there. And
I'm not the only woman who says this. Furthermore, some of you guys who are giving it the old college try are not
doing too well, so maybe this little lesson will help you out. When a woman finds a man who gives good head, she's
found a treasure she's not going to let go of too quickly. This is one rare customer and she knows it. She won't even
tell her girlfriends about it or that guy will become the most popular man in town. So, remember, most... Continue»
Posted by DBRAC 2 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 1222  |  
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An old man in Mississippi

An old man in Mississippi was sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor’s k** walk by carrying something big under his arm.

He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

Boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire."

Old man says "What you gonna do with that?"

Boy says "Gonna catch some chickens."

Old man yells "You damn fool, you can’t catch chickens with chicken wire!"

Boy just laughs and keeps walking.

That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man’s surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chicken
... Continue»
Posted by ducati4652 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 1295  |  
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The Italian Job 21

The Italian Job 21
I awoke the following morning alone, I jumped in the shower and went for breakfast, they were all there, Ellie, Sonia, Yvonne, Christina and Maria who was looking decidedly more cheerful, Hazel was fussing around and I was reminded that I had not done her of late,
I decided I should rectify that as well as checking something that was bugging me, I arranged to meet her in the camera room “checking up on all your ladies?” she said as we got into the room and closed the door, “lock it” I said to her “I want to see the pool camera shortly before Ellie was attacked yesterday” ... Continue»
Posted by the_priest 2 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 209  |  
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Construction worker

Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.

He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his cock and starts masturbating.

The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the fuck is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand ... Continue»
Posted by ducati4652 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 2037  |  
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Fully Dressed

Have you and another given each other a mind blowing orgasm while fully dressed???????????????

I worked in this kitchen in Fl. and there was this waitress that would always brush her large tits and plump ass against me when ever she would pass me in the kitchen area. So we talked flirtatiously to one another for about two weeks.

One night out back taking a break she comes out and we get into a heated conversation. She noticed I had a massive hard-on and she said "I wish I could ride that cock right now". I had on a pair of loose chef pants; she had on a pair of black tight cotton/polyest... Continue»
Posted by Gehld 2 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 752  |  
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My 4 inch dick story...

This post is about how, to some of you, size DOES matter…a lot! As you can see, I am at the other end of the spectrum at 4.5 inches. Does this bother me? Yes and no. Let me start at the beginning and I think you’ll see what I mean…

My first girlfriend was very devoted to me as a person but unfortunately she couldn’t really feel much when we made love. Over time since she knew what a high sex drive I had she would take dick and start jerking me off. After a couple of minutes she always said her arm was getting tired which meant that she wanted me to finish myself off. This became the norm af... Continue»
Posted by fourinches 2 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  Views: 1144  |  
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The Italian Job 20

The Italian Job 20
The night went well with Maria giving her usual performance, she was staring at me as she took the guys in turn as they lined up to fill her with spunk, it was running down her legs in rivers by the time they had finished and got bored with her,
I was surprised because neither Sonia or Yvonne got involved with anyone else and there were plenty of potential suitors but they didn’t seem to want to know, Christina was still a bit sore in her arse but she took some guy in the pool that I think both eased the problem with her arse and took her mind off the problem because she... Continue»
Posted by the_priest 2 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 417  |  
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Late night suprise

It was 3 O'clock in the morning when i was woken up by my boyfriend Alex kissing my neck 'whats this for?' i asked slightly breathless, my pussy already hot, i loved it when he kissed my neck. 'I woke up, couldn't sl**p and...' he kissed me again and i felt his erection press againt me, unhindered by clothing 'I'm hard' he said.


He pulled my nightgown over my head so that i was naked just like him. he began to kiss downmy body, sucking at nipples taking them deep into his mouth, then carrying on down, he reached my pulls and licked my lips he parted them with his fingers and found my w
... Continue»
Posted by adam2010 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 1024  |  
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