My fantasy video would be one where a white couple were having an argument because the lady just found out her husband had been having an affair, the shouting prompts neighbours in the motel to call the police. Three big black cops turn up and have to restrain the husband and put him in the back of a police car...they tell him if they can get her to calm down they wont put him in jail, and they all take turns to go in and try to convince her to forgive him for cheating on her, satisfied that the lady is recompensed they reunite the couple , have them kiss and make up and tell each other how mu... Continue»
Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 69
While on a vacation in the far north east part of India, On the day before I was due to leave the resort I was staying in, I had this singular experience, which I am about to relate.
The place I was staying in was in the forrests, by a lonely road, with plenty of vegetation. The cottage like living quarters were far apart, with a big garden with walkways and lawns separating them. I was enjoying the quietness of the place. For most of my vacation I was the lone guest, until a group of three very young college students arrived. Well, the people of the north-east are more chinese-looking... Continue»
My landlord is a retired colonel and has after his retirement he has built a huge home that anyone would rather call an apartment. More because of his two sons out of whom none was living in India. The younger was already working there but the elder had recently moved abroad. So as his wife could not get Visa and also the winters were approaching so her movement was postponed until a good time might come.
Meanwhile she used to teach music and dance to young girls while living in Pune and she was herself a very bright lady. She was young and aged only 26 or 27 years. She was beautiful too... Continue»
Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and got worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sl**ping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened.
Oh yes, please call Adam's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue Jeeps. It was great. We never would have found Adam in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning.
Scoutmaster Ted got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone withou... Continue»
Well when Jim called told me what Liz had told him frist thing I said was who the hell is Liz? He explaned that Lisa was his wife but when she wanted my cock she was Liz. I started to try to make sure that my friend was ok whit all this but unknow to me the phone was on speaker and she yelled that it did not matter if he cared cause he was the reason it all started in the frist place. This was a lot for me to handle I told them I would come to there house tomorrow and talk about it.
After I hung up I started to think she was right it was his idea but, he was also my friend for all... Continue»
Seven wise men with the knowledge so fine,
created a pussy to their design.
First was a butcher, with smart wit,
using a knife, he gave it a slit.
Second was a carpenter, strong and bold,
with a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole.
Third was a tailor, tall and thin,
by using red velvet, he lined it within.
Fourth was a hunter, short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur, he lined it without.
Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hell,
threw in a fish and gave it a smell.
Sixth was a preacher, whose name was McGee,
he touched it and blessed it and said it could pee.
Last was... Continue»
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."
A MOTHER AND SON WAS WALK DOWN THE ROAD THE MOTHER SAW A SEX HOUSE SHE TURNED TO HER SON AND SAID DON'T U EVER GO IN THERE. HE GOES OK MOM. ONE DAY JUST WALKING HOME AND HE CAME PASS THE SEX HOUSE THIS SMOKING HOT BLONDE SAYS DO U WANNA COME IN HE SAYS I CAN'T I CAN'T MY MAM SAYS SHE GOES I WONT TELL. HE GOES ALRIGHT THEN SO HE GOES IN. SHE SAYS DO U WANT TO GO UP STAIRS HE SAYS I CAN'T I CAN'T MY MAM SAYS. SHE SAYS I WONT TELL. SO HE SAYS ALRIGHT. SO THEY GO UP AND THE SAYS TO WANNA HAVE SEX HE SAYS I CAN'T I AN'T MY MAM SAYS SHE SAYS I WONT SAY. SO THEY DID. WHEN THEY DONE SHE SAYS U CAN TAK... Continue»
My love for you... it came and went.
So your feet are now in wet cement.
I'm here To fulfill your fondest wishes
Now that your husband sl**ps with the fishes.
Lie down with me -- it's my final offa,
Or you'll be lying wit' Jimmy Hoffa.
I picked up this card from a slim selection
But that's all they offer here in witness protection.
Be my Valentine, and we can do it execution-style.
Cinderella got her fella, with a slipper made of glass;
So please be mine, Valentine, or I'll have to whack your ass.
Violets are blue, roses are red,
I blew up your car -- So why ain't y... Continue»
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss But I only slept with you because I was pissed.
I thought that I could love no other That is, until I met your b*****r.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
Of loving beauty you float with grace Now if only you could hide your face.
* Kind, intelligent, loving and hot; This describes all the things you are not.
I want to feel your sweet embrace But don't take that paper bag off of your face.
I love y... Continue»
This morning when waking up, as always, i go straight to the toilets, scratching carelessly my f****y jewels. I just forgot for a second that my cousine was at home since yesterday evening. She's there standing in the corridor staring at me. Such an uncomfortable feeling grows in me...
Now she's enjoying her breakfast, i go to the bathroom, washing myself and here comes my morning boner without warning, i start wanking, lightly, and once again i just forgot i'm not alone, and the door is not locked and there she's entering the bathroom, hopefully i was not moaning her name...
Now she'... Continue»
English is not my first language.
It was almost twenty years ago.
I sat down with my girl friend in a quite Café. When she took off her coat, I realized she did not wear a bra that day because I could see the shape of her nipple on her thin clothes. I wanted to do a plank of it. So I touched her nipple slightly -almost barely- over her clothes in a way no one could see. It was a public place but she did not complain or resist. So I continued to touch her nipple slightly, barely and gently over her clothes again and again during conversation. Finally she sighed and closed h... Continue»
I don't have any friends, keeps me out of trouble. I think its my lips that make me smile but i could be wrong. I'm proud I don't have a job, gives me time to help out some poor k**s that don't have a father. k**s are the ones who will be here when we are dead and we need them to be smart and do the right thing. I love helping people and being kind to anyone in need, I spend most of my time working for people for free, cause I have more money then I could spend in three life times. my dad died and left me alot of money but that's a story for some other time.
I have two cars and one truck ... Continue»
Great embarrassment filled my body. I'd never been caught having sex before and this was a whole lot different from most embarrassment.
I was hiding behind Jovanne's warm body and his arms slid around me, covering me and I was deeply surprised that he was putting his whole body out there just to cover for me. I slowly peered over his shoulder, breathing deeply and when I saw the face, it made me sigh with releif and I swore.
"What the fuck is going on? Emily? Holy mother fucker." Shyla hissed, glaring at both of us and I was surprised by her language. I raised a perfect brow, stepping of f... Continue»
Host: "Good evening. If you're just joining us, we're talking tonight with Loretta Modern, star of the new... (clears throat)... adult film 'Lady Lust'.
Loretta: "Good evening."
Host: "So, tell us, Loretta, do you really enjoy your work, or are you just fake fucking for the camera?"
Loretta: "I can assure you, Tom, there's nothing fake about it. And, yes, I really do like it. I've done other types of work in my life and this is the most... fun I've ever had working (laughs)."
Host: "Caller, you have a question for Loretta?"
Caller: "Hello, Loretta. I'm Jim"
It was 1992. I will never forget, it was a mild summer day and unusual blue sky in Washington State. I was 14 at the time. Just got done playing a backyard football game with the neighborhood military k**s like myself, and like after every game we headed to our houses for drinks and snacks. As I sat on my porch a friend of mine came upon me with his Super Soaker (a recreational water gun that was popular in the 90s) manually pressurizing it or pumping it for the air pressure needed for the range and f***e of the next jet stream of water. Well as he did this he was imitating jacking... Continue»
We met up with some friends over xmas in a posh country club for some drinks. It was only meant to be for a couple, but it soon turned in to quite alot more than a couple. After about 6 or 7 pints we all nipped outside to the cold for a ciggy. Our friends headed back inside and we followed, i jokingly said to the Mrs, lets go into the men's toilets and have some fun, i din't think she would be up for it but she turned and walked straight in without even checking. We headed to 1 of the 2 cubicles and locked the door. I put the lid down and pulled her leggings down exposing her sexy lacy thong a... Continue»
For some folks the actual masturbation or wanking would take less time than the telling of the story, but not always.
When I was at school and around about eleven or twelve years of age there was talk about 'wanking'. Now I had no idea what on earth it was but I listened.
Apparently what you had to do was lie down on your bed and play with your cock until you got a hard on. The next thing to be done was grab it with your hand and move the hand up and down. If you did this it was called wanking.
That evening after the meal I went up to my room to do my homework, or that is what I sa... Continue»
My b*****r has this friend who s a total pervert and is always trying to spy on me when hes at our house..I tend not to wear much around the house but not for attention just because im comfortable in my own skin yano..well maybe a lil for attention.
anyway I was expecting a call to the house the other day so left the bathroom door ajar incase it rang so i could hear it..
I was in the middle ofa nice hot bath when I heard kevin come in with his friend..they went straight into the kitchen so i just closed the door over a little leaving it slightly open
A few mins passed when i heard some1 at... Continue»
Okay so I have been thinking about it for a while but today I did it, I went into the premises and up the stairs and waited my turn.
A gorgeous young lady beckoned me in to a room where I took clothes off, not all of them, just some.
Then she sat me in a reclining chair and started to play with my nipples! Now I do not get a hard on nowadays but I definitely got a flicker in the knickers so to speak.
She very carefully massaged one and then the other and did all manner of horny things with her hands.
Then after a moment or two she smiled nicely at me and 'HOLY FUCKING OUCH!!' That... Continue»