Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 69

Taking a Dump

I'm sure that upon reading this, you'll nod your head in agreement as you will all have experienced most, if not all of the scenarios listed. If you haven't you need more fiber.....

The Perfect Dump
Every once in a while everyone experiences the perfect dump. It's rare but a real thing of beauty. You sit down expecting the worse, but what you get is a smooth sliding, fart-less masterpiece that breaks the water with the splash-less grace of an Olympic high-diving champion. You use the toilet tissue to find that it was totally unnecessary. It makes you feel that all is right in the world a... Continue»
Posted by PornApocalypse 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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A Bad Time For Honesty

DJ: "Hey! This is Edgar on WBAM. Have you ever heard of 'MateMatch'?"
Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."
DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to Orlando , Florida if you win. What is your name? First name only please."
Contestant: "Brian."
DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?"
Brian: "Yes."
DJ: "Yes? Does that mean you're married or you're what?"
Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married."
DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please."
Brian: "Sara."
DJ: "Is Sara at work, Brian?"
Brian: "She is gonna kill me."
DJ: "Stay with me here, Brian!... Continue»
Posted by PornApocalypse 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Bumper Stickers

Introduction: For all those people that think their cars look too boring......

Jesus loves you, but I think your an asshole!

Zero to dick in 60 seconds.

Very Funny Scotty, now beam up my clothes...

Madness takes its toll--please have exact change ready.

Stamp Out Crime - Abolish the IRS

Don't Honk - I'm Pedaling as Fast as I Can

If You Can Read This Bumper Sticker, You're In Range

This Vehicle Swerves and Hits Pedestrians at Random

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

I have PMS and a handgun. ANY QUESTIONS?

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes... Continue»
Posted by PornApocalypse 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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The Queen’s Breasts

Introduction: This is a funny joke for the ppl who never heard it before.

Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.

Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason.
He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try
to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio
the Physician, the King’s chief doctor.. Horatio thought about this and
said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but
it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it.

Without pause... Continue»
Posted by PornApocalypse 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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The Morning After

Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover he can't believe. He f***es
himself to open his eyes, and the first things he sees are a couple of
aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table.

And, next to them, a single red rose!

Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror, and notices a note on the table:

"Honey, breakfast is on t... Continue»
Posted by PornApocalypse 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Going Fishin'

Introduction: A tale with a twist

Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect backwoods camping and fishing trip.

Two days before the group is to leave, Frank's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Frank's friends are very upset that he can't go but, what can they do...

Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Frank sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and fish cooking on the fire. "Damn man! How long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since yesterday. The night bef... Continue»
Posted by PornApocalypse 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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The Affairs

Introduction: not so sexy

> The 1st Affair
> A married man was having an affair
> with his secretary.
> One day they went to her place
> and made love all afternoon.
> Exhausted, they fell asl**p
> and woke up at 8 PM ..
> The man hurriedly dressed
> and told his lover to take his shoes
> outside and rub! them in the grass and dirt.
> He put on his shoes and drove home.
> "Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
> "I can't lie to you," he replied,
> "I'm having an affair with my secretary.
> We had sex all afternoon."
> She looked down at his shoes and said:
> ... Continue»
Posted by PornApocalypse 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Something funny

# 9 A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask
the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the
front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman
beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into
her breast. They are both startled and he
says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your
breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if
your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room

# 8 A young man walks up and sits down at the
bar. "What can I get you?" the bartender
inquires. "I want 6 shots of Jagermeister,"
responded the young man. "6 shots?!? Are you
celebrating something?" ... Continue»
Posted by PornApocalypse 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Dirty Jokes ReEdit

Introduction: Forgot some info here the better one hope you like it

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks th... Continue»
Posted by PornApocalypse 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Perverted Jokes

Introduction: These are funny,perverted, and just wrong all at the same time.

A Penis Study

In 1991, Duke University funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $180,000.00, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the Man more pleasure during sex. After Duke published the study, Stanford decided to do their own study. After three years of research and $250,000.00, they concluded that the reason was to give the Woman more pleasure during sex. The University of Wisconsin, unsatisfied with the... Continue»
Posted by PornApocalypse 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Dirty Jokes

Q: When do you kick a midget in the balls?
A: When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice

Q: What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute?
A: Your job still sucks!

Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
A: By becoming a ventriloquist!

Q: How do you kill a circus clown?
A: Go for the juggler!

Q: Why couldn't they get the dead mans casket lid shut?
A: Because he overdosed on viagra!

Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come (cum) in a bottle?
A: Because his wife died!

Q: Why did the snowman smile?
A: Because the snowblower is coming.
... Continue»
Posted by xhamster69bbc 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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3 Girls In A Cafe Part 2

Please read Part 1 before this part. It's called 3 Girls In A Cafe :)

It'd been a week since Kaito started working in the Cafe with the beautiful three girls. Hiraki had still remained silent and quiet ever since her and Kaito's little interuption on his first day. Yume had grown very fond of him, always talking and clinging to him like she was his little s****r and Diasuke remained fierce yet kind to Kaito. It was now a Thursday afternoon and Diasuke had given him the spare room in the Cafe so that he didn't have to drive to work everday, he could just stay there if he wanted, she didn't r... Continue»
Posted by milli214 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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Findxpartner-How To See Ur Friend Naked Pics

People, ever found a small glance of your findxpartner friends bosom while she bent low to choose something up?

Ever wanted you could have seen more? Of course..

If you have a companion who has relationship a magnificent looker, you would be inclined to imagine about your buddy's attractive time frame undressed too.

We want to see it more than ever. But more often than not, possibilities will come banging on your entrance if you can just understand to be on the lookout at the right time.

Spending a day out with your buddies at an alone identify, where in addition, there's a ... Continue»
Posted by carolwilliams 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Mature, Sex Humor  |  

A to Z Fuckstories – E is for Ending Friday

So, shortly after Catherine got fucked in her van for two hours, She drove me back to school so I could go home. I got home about 6, about ten minutes before my Mom. Great timing, so I wouldn’t have to explain anything.

I ate supper, then retired to my room to reflect on the trip to the park and subsequent sex in a van. Catherine’s Double D tits were firmly engraved in my memory, as was her tight ass and willingness to suck and fuck. I’d be revisiting her church sometime.

I pulled my cock out to jackoff to my memory, when my phone buzzed. I almost ignored it, but I’m glad I didn’t. It w... Continue»
Posted by jurrjens 3 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Group Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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My embarrassing story

The other day I was soooooo horny. I just staring out my window when I saw my nieghbor jacking off looking at me. I decided to tease him and showed him my breasts. He wanked harder and harder, and I motioned for him to stop and come over. He came over and he fucked my pussy almost raw. I was screaming soooo loud. I thought I was going to cum, and pissed everywhere instead of cumming. I was humiliated. He said it was ok, as long as he could cum on my face. He finished and dropped the biggest load on my face. It felt sooo good. He told me he wouldn't tell anyone about my accident if I went to... Continue»
Posted by sweetwetpussy5 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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Premature cum in hotel

I work in a hotel and the other night whilst working on the bar, a fairly attractive young girl (roughly 20) was flirting with me all night. She kept joking and saying I should take her back to her room because she was too d***k (she wasn't!) and needed help to get there. I obviously couldn't leave the bar, but when my shift was over at around 3am and she was the only one left in the bar, I thought this was the best time to make a move.

I told her to go and wait for me on the 8th floor, in the fire escape stairwell where I knew no security cameras would see me going there. She said ok a... Continue»
Posted by 5inchsoffun 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  


Friend did this yesterday....if you like people doing dumb stuff watch it....mortar tube hits my friend ends up with 4 stitches[/video]... Continue»
Posted by ryancarolinaboi 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  

Believe Nothing

“Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.” -Buddha

That quote by Buddha is one of my favorites, and I apply that reasoning to my life on a regular basis. Not believing in anything without deeply thinking about it has helped me form a much more rational view of the world than I ever would have if I had just listened to what other people “believe.” Or at least I believe that to be the case.

One of the things that I always find shocking is how many people just adopt a belief wi... Continue»
Posted by a_chord90 3 years ago  |  Categories: Celebrities, First Time, Sex Humor  |  

Xhamster is a Dirty Whore

As Xhamster entered the porn shoot she didn't look so hot. One of her male costars took notice. He approached the director. "Hey boss, Xhamster looks sick today. You think something may be wrong with her?" The director scratched his chin. "Hey, Xhamster, get over here, quick!" Xhamster turned around and her face was eaten up with advertisements. She walked over to the director. "My God, girl," he gasped. "Your face!" She tried to smile but a ad taped her cheek to her chin. "I'm fine," she mumbled. "I have to have these things on me, they help pay for everything, you know, Xha... Continue»
Posted by papuanewguineapunkjr 3 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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The Bully

In the whole school no student was more feared the Erin Hardy. Rumors aboud of students being beaten up, teachers threatened and confis**ted d**gs and weapons. The crowd Erin ran with were the baddest of the bad, whenever shit went down Erin was there she was the top dog.

Surprised you didn't I?

You didn't read that wrong, Erin Hardy the toughest Bitch at Mckinnley High was a girl.

My dad was in the Air f***e and as such we moved quite a bit. In fact I had not set foot on Natural American soil in Eight years. He was retiring and got a job Flying for Quintus Airlines thanks to my "Un... Continue»
Posted by Johnny_Lee_Miller 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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