I had to write this because men get a bad rap that we dont eat enough pussy so i had to break it down so that it was forever and correctly BROKE. Men love eating pussy ive seen men in strip clubs eating stripper pussy (nasty). First lets talk about the pussy. It is nasty as hell and you should that the heavens men even want to put their mouth down there. Yall pee thru it fuck with it men cum (big loads) inside of it, Babies come out of it, discharges, yeast infections, bladder infections, yall bleed stinky bl**d for a week an get mad at who wont eat it? Then some of yall dont know how to ke... Continue»
Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 66
This is a true story, my first time writing as well. Happened in the winter of 2011. Makes me laugh whenever I think about it, haven't told friends so I would like to share with someone lol.
It was a Saturday on a very cold, typical Alberta winter night. Roommate and I had just finished a long hitch of OT. Decided to unwind have some drinks at the house and head to a club. Usual time looking for women and hitting the drinks hard lol
Met a few nice ladies, added a few new contacts in the cell, but no action.
Left the club decided to walk away from the crowd in hopes of flagging a cab.
I awoke to the annoying loud sound of my alarm going off.
I turned it off and laid in my bed for a few moments contemplating the day ahead. It suddenly dawned on me that I'm very likely to run into those cruel girls from yesterday again, and a big grin crept across my face.
I jumped out of bed, bounced around getting dressed putting on my silly uniform, ran down the hall to the bathroom, brushed my teeth and combed my messy bedhead hair.
"Have a nice day!" I cheerily told my reflection in the mirror, and hopped off down the stairs and rushed out the door. I was so excited, for the f... Continue»
Trevor found himself lying half naked in a bush, his shirt was off and his pants were around his ankles.
"How did I get here!" he asked himself.
He looked around at his surroundings and as he picked up his clothes which were strewn across the yard his memory came flooding back.
Several hours earlier...
Trevor had made a huge mess of things. His Spring Break visit was supposed to be a time to reconnect with his f****y but instead he brought a boozed up Bar Fly home for a romp in his Superman sheets.
After a weekend of apologising he had finally set things right with his mother ... Continue»
When I was done with my Air f***e boot camp, right out of high school, I was sent to a tech school in Texas. I was in my motel room one night, laying naked on the bed, and heard a couple come in. Just remember that I was down there for 18 weeks with out having any sex. So any ways I heard a couple come in and I was half asl**p and I heard the woman in the room next to me moaning and I got so hard I listened to them and then she said to her hubby you are so d***k. Then I heard the door open and then I got up to see if it was her or him and it was her so I put on my shorts and went out in th... Continue»
Stretching with a groan, my hands reach for the warm body I can feel under the covers beside me. The early morning light pours in from the window just above the bed, and as my hands run over your chest -tangling in the thick hair that covers it- I can feel you reaching up to close the blinds. A smile erupts on my suddenly warm face, there can only be one reason for closing the blinds at this time of the morning. I reach above us to the windowsill to grab my glasses, making sure to lean as far over you as possible, my breasts raking over your chest causing my sensitive nipples to harden suddenl... Continue»
By: Andrew Bonzua (a. k. a Andrew M. Bosnjak)
The door was open, and she had seen him drive off. Surely he would
have a copy of his own books in his home! Why, she could slip in and
take a look, and leave again, and he would never know.
She did not know why this idea slipped into her head. She would never
have thought of such a thing, usually. But it was true: here was an
opportunity to read the very works she had been so frustrated in trying
to find. A silly thing, to be unable to buy or borrow books, the
author of which lived in one's own town.
And it wasn't as if they wer... Continue»
7 Signs you're Gay
You fucking wish you were a real man... well just get over it because you never have been and you never will!
In fact, Ill bet you that you're actually gay... even if you dont want to be!!! haha - homo!
Okay seriously bitch, you need to be honest with this mini-quiz... you need to get over the denial and fear and when you know your should answer yes, just do it...
If you really want to know once and for all if you're a cock smoking queer, or not - then just be honest when you answer and then we will see... if you're a raging homo gay lord!
1. You have thought or... Continue»
I never really liked school, I'd have much rather spent my precious teen years partying all night and sl**ping all day, but I had no alternative...
I was quite popular, but due to various circumstances, one by one I lost my friends and ended up being on my own. I was always shy around meeting new friends though and none of the other k**s cared for me so I ended up feeling lonely and miserable.
One day, during the lunch time break, I had just ate my small packed lunch and headed off to the nearby field next to the playground to sit around watching the world go by.
"Psst... Psst, hey... Continue»
"It's been 20 days since I was exposed to the Augmented formula. In that time I have had several partners both male and female. The chemicle effect seems to supress inhabition as well as exaggerating Hormonal production. The effect even overrides sexual orientation as evidenced by my liason with a confirmed Lesbian classmate. With Spring Break quickly approaching I have decided to put my study on hold. I have developed a contact lense solution to dampen the effect of Occular stimulation."
Trevor closed his notebook and locked it in his desk drawer, then with bag in hand he proceed... Continue»
It was just after sunset and Danny was relaxing alone on a large four poster bed in the luxurious home of the vampire called Christian.
Danny had come to Christian's elegant home with his neighbor Sylvia, who was also a bl**d sucking vampire. Danny and Sylvia had a neat little, mutually beneficial arrangement going where Danny would let the beautiful vampire drink a small portion of his bl**d, and in return Sylvia would give the eighteen year old mind blowing oral sex.
From what Danny c... Continue»
A friend of mine is a doctor and as part of her training she did a stint in the sexual health wing of the hospital she was working in. She is a very game girl constantly regaling us with tales of funny medical incidents. She told me about games she and her colleagues played to keep themselves amused and spirits high while working in quite a gritty environment.
She said they had a hilarious time asking really intimate questions because people would answer 100% honestly (very eye opening she said).. other guys would treat it like counselling and the moment the door shut on the examination r... Continue»
Buntylocks and the 3 blings
by hands christmaspud handyman
here is the story of Buntylocks and the three blings
once upon a time there were 3 young boys (alright Bunty, dont fucking piss yourself it's only a fairy tale and i am permitted a degree of licence) all named bling
first there was lil' bling, he was all small and adorable and i am sure tasted absolutely divine
next there was med' bling, he only came out when Buntylocks was around and although larger than lil' bling he was still nothing to write home about
finally there was xxl' bling, he was massive i... Continue»
One day,back in the late 1980's ,Lita not her real name,was running some errands,she finally done, and was heading her way to the bathroom to take her shower.Hanging her towel off the peg.She then remove her dress and undies wet and smelled from the sweat from the morning's work.
Turning the shower on,she got busy with her hair, untying the rubber band been clinging on.She wet her hair first and applied ample amount of shampoo,massaging her hair with the shampoo,she then rinsed it with the running shower beneath her.She bent her body onward to reach for the bath soap,she now applying the soa... Continue»
January 5, 2113
Today was better than yesterday, at least. I was only f***ed to ejaculate seven times, compared with the 12 times I had to endure yesterday. I'm not sure what they think they're doing to me, but I know that if they keep it up, my balls will run permanently dry. They already feel like a couple of dust bunnies and I'm only halway through the week!
January 6, 2113
I was talking to a new "recruit" today about what's been going on outside these walls since I got here a year ago. Apparently, not much has changed. The Worldwide Overpopulation Mitigation And Neutralization program... Continue»
A fictional story of a boys fantasy
As a youg lad growing up in a major female house,2 s****rs Candy 20 and sophie 18, I was always curious about the female body and often researched this on the net (watching porn really) I learnt that by looking at women clothed it wasnt much fun but by seing them partly clothed or naked, thats where the fun begins, I did some home study on this observing my s****rs undress, fuck and materbate some call it perving I wold rather like to think it was observation, also I had observed, that older women where hornier and more you observe the harder your cock ge... Continue»
Trevor opened his eyes as the first rays of the Morning sun streamed through the open blinds.
"Did that really happen?" he asked himself. A quick glance at the bed next to him revealed Brad's lady friend Mandy, nude lying facedown in the bed. Trevor placed his hand on the small of her back and as he felt the warmth of her soft skin the events of the previous night came flooding back.
He noted that she couldn't have been less interested in him, and that it wasn't until he removed his glasses and looked at her with his naked eyes that she became sexually aroused. Perhaps the Crystallized... Continue»
Every word of the following first-hand account is true, as best I can remember:
It was the summer of '91, and I had recently moved to Lancaster, CA from Northern California. I was 16 years old, and horny as hell pretty much all the time. If you've read my other true story about my first orgasm, then you know that this story begins about two years after that.
I ran with some "interesting" people when I was younger...pretty much anyone I might meet at a party, at a dealer's house, perhaps at school when I wasn't ditching, etc...and even though I wasn't a bad looking guy, and ... Continue»
As I Stepped inside the J Dorm I could tell all eyes were on me. As I dodged awkward glances and pointed jabs I happened to catch a glimpse of Audrey leaning against a back wall.
"Hey Trash Can Guy!" she shouted waving me over.
"Sorry I never asked your name." she added as I crossed over.
"It's Nicholas Frost, most people call me Nick." I said lying...well not exactly, more like half truthing. Nicholas is my Middle Name, my first name is Calvin after President Coolidge (Don't ask me why).
"Nick I wanna properly introduce you to some friends. You met Damon already." she said poi... Continue»
I very rarely go to parties.
Most of the time I think of going to parties as some sort of a chore that I have to do for the person that I like that’s throwing the party, or the person that wants me to come with them. It’s just so hard for me to find interesting people to talk to, and I’m terrible about forcing a fake conversation. I just can’t do it anymore.
The only time parties are really fun for me besides the rare time when I get to talk to someone interesting, is when something fucked up happens.
So when I got a call from one of the guys I do jiu jitsu with, asking me if I wanted... Continue»