Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 65
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.
A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.
Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing th... Continue»
Dating in the modern age sucks!
So much of our lives is available at the push of a button. It's very hard to get dates when a quick Google search reveals your hidden Skeletons. In a flash any prospective mate can see your Wedding photos on Facebook, or a positive review of a Herpes cream you bought on Amazon.
For me, the thing that stands out is; Murder.
If you'd pass me on the street you'd be surprised to learn that I took a life, yep it's true. And I spent my Teens in Jail for it.
From Thirteen to Eighteen "The Mossberg home for Juvenile Offenders" was my home. And while those... Continue»
So, it was a while since my last story... (I fucked Kara) Kara was out of state for a bit and I hit a total dry spell. It was crappy weather outside, classes were canceled and I took the day off of work. I was just sitting there watching movies and old sitcoms all day while eating cheesy ruffles... That was pretty satisfying enough for me, but I had to fuck or I was gonna go crazy.
I scrolled through my phone book on my cellphone. I'm not gonna lie, it was a bit more sparse than I expected it to be, I thought I knew more girls than I actually did. I sent out a few texts to some girls... Continue»
Some more years ago we went to a restaurant of a oarsman’s club at our river. I said to my wife, please wear that black leather costume with garter, lace stockings and black boots.
She put her black white striped bra under the jacket and no pants under the very short skirt. She looked fantastic. With every step her skirt moved round her thighs and her ass. The lace of the stockings look out and you could see the closure of the garter. Hot view.
So we went into the restaurant. There was a heightened podest with some tables ... Continue»
My doorbell rings and I rush to the hallway. My heart leaps into my throat, my pulse quickens and my skin becomes moist. I have been waiting for you, here in my house, for so long. Now you have come and I can hardly wait for you to enter. I stand at the back of the long hall, itching to rush to the door and loving the exquisite prolongation of this moment, my body becoming weaker, my love for you becoming stronger.
From my warm secret hiding place deep in the dark of my house I see your silhouette through the frosted glass. You press your nose to it and you see nothing but shadow. Already ... Continue»
26 December 2008
Darling, just a quick thank you note for my lovely Christmas present. A partridge in a pear tree, how unusual! You are SO thoughtful. I love you to bits
27 December 2008
Darling, thank you thank you thank you! Two turtle doves, how very sweet of you! You are such a romantic! Lots of love!!
28 December 2008
Thank you for the three French hens, darling, I suppose I can use the eggs. Bye for now.
30 December 2008
Hello sweetheart, I'm sorry about not writing yesterday but to be honest I was a bit worried about all these presents you were buying and I'm still ... Continue»
Ray sat at his desk his gaze fixed firmly on Simon.
"Dare I ask why you're staring so obsessively at Simon, Ray?" Colton asked coming over.
"I saw him laugh a few minutes ago, that's why." Ray said keeping his Gaze fixed on Simon.
"Simon doesn't laugh Ray, are you sure it wasn't a burp?" Colton asked.
"It was a laugh I tell you. He was at his desk at his computer, he got a text then he laughed!"
As the two continued to talk they were joined by Amber, Beth and Hector.
"What's going on over here?" Amber asked.
"Simon laughed!" Ray said under his breath.
"Are you sur... Continue»
Vi träffades nere i stan en vårdag..vi kramades och gav oss en het kyss..vi gick till ett kaffe och beställde kaffe med bulle..
Jag satt sidan om dig..tog min hand och smekte utanför dina byxor..den reagerade snabbt..jag log..
Du sa att den hade längtat efter mina smekningar...då viskade jag till dig att jag inte hade några trosor på mig..
Du flämtade och sa..du då åker vi bums hem...men jag svarade..nää det gör vi inte och började smeka dig igen..jag log..
Du tog din hand under min kjol och vandrade uppåt och jag stretade så du kunde känna hur våt jag var...
Du viskade i mitt öra..Mmm..d... Continue»
When you go hiking there's a few things to remember. 1. There may be large carnivorous a****ls, 2. There may be snakes, 3. Always have protection. Ok with this advice we go to the story. My ex-husband and I loved to go hiking and camping and rappelling when we lived in Alaska. We would always go to the area around Turnagain Arm. One afternoon we were just out messing around, wandering the trails, basically just having fun. As we were walking along I noticed he was getting further and further behind. I continually had to stop and wait for him. I was getting a bit upset, we had come out her... Continue»
The frat party was dying down, as the crowd became less dense the spilled beer pong cups and garbage became less apparent... Sucks for whoever is going to clean that one up.
The girl I met (we'll call her Kara for identity sake) was waiting for me to drop her off. We had a pretty good time, this is one of the few times I had a girl with me and didn't have a shit load of "Mother Hens" interfering.
"Are you ready to leave?" I asked.
"Yes" she said eagerly.
She was a cutie... he had ample breasts, and a nice shapely ass. Her hair was dark with blonde streaks... or blon... Continue»
This is a true story I swear it and I hope the lady in question doesn't read this that is why I shall not put any names. You guys know me from my videos with Aspen by the name Dr. Sleeze/Bothced. I was introduced to this lady and yes she was of legal age, 29 I think. Before me she had only dated African American men but for some reason we clicked and she had part of my dark weird humor in her but we got together at her apartment and before we even took our clothes off she started telling me all this crap about why before me she had only dated black men and the last one she said had a big peni... Continue»
Ok so this took place yeats when i was 13-14 years old i was aways horny so this took place on the day before thanks giving my twin cousins came over fore for thanksgiving and the week end i shared a room with my s****r one of my cousins would sl**p on my s****rs bed and the other on mine i would never sl**p on my bed i would sleppp on the couch but ween my cousins come over i sl**p with them so my cousins just became 15 years old my cousin andrea would sl**p with my s*s and her twin s*s would sl**p with her name is cesi so i was 13 u was 5'9 and had a ahletic body i played basketball and id... Continue»
Another show, another rigging call. The glamorous life of a big rock show usually begins at 6 AM in the morning putting the rigging in place that holds those massive sound and lighting systems in the air.
This day was starting out like any other. I got to the Arena around 5:15 AM so I could let in the caterers and stagehands. I got the guard to open to door and he went back on his cart to his office. I grabbed my briefcase and headed to the production office. When I got there I opened the door and there was a young girl sitting the desk. She kind of startled me. I asked if I could h... Continue»
Today is the day where we want to meet, you are ringing on the door and I open it. As greetings we kiss. Then we talk and watch a film. For that we are laying on the couch and you have your hand on my leg and my arm is around your shoulder.
The film is a kind of romantic comedy with a lot of kissing. During the watching your hand is wandering up and down my leg and remains on my dick and my hand is wandering down to your breasts and is knead it a bit. Then we kiss smoothly and we take off our shirts and I continue with your breasts. Then I take off your trouser and continue kissing ... Continue»
It is a very warm summerday and we are go hiking. Walking behind the house up the mountain and the sun is burning on our skins. We walk along the paths and between the trees. After 2 hours we pass a house and move on after half an hour we arrive at a canyon. For our luck there is a plank bridge so we can go over the canyon. But when we arrive at half the bridge we stop and enjoy the good few from the mountain into the vale. You stand there and I was behind you. Feeling a little like having fun I grab your one hand with mine and bound you on one of the ropes of the bridge. With the other I grab... Continue»
Ménage A Trois by Ghipster
“Our cocks are no bigger than white men’s cock”. I shouted to the applauding audience of the university’s Jr. KKK Fraternity “And I speak for all black men everywhere, when I say,
THANK YOU! Thank you for this flattering but preposterous myth. And they say white folks ain’t done nothing for us. Ha!”
This unbelievable line of bullshit yielded me a standing ovation and an session of signing autographs afterwards. Little did anyone know, I did the whole lecture strictly on a dare from my pot-head roommates. But such was the life back in the glory days of coll... Continue»
Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's just the way the game's played.
Here's a guide to the points system:
You make the bed ...............................+1
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.....-1
You leave the toilet seat up....................-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty... 0
When the toilet paper has run out, you resort to Kleenex...-1
You go out to bu... Continue»
In 2004, when I was 16 I started writing erotic stories. This is the very first one I wrote, about a teacher I had the hots for. Enjoy....
I am a 6th form student doing A level chemistry. Twice a week I am taught by Mrs Pen. From the first moment I saw her I was obsessed with her. She is 5'7" with a good figure and nice round breasts and a nice firm ass. I would often rush home to wank over the idea of slamming my cock into her pussy. On day, late in my second year, my dream came true.
I came in for a lesson just before my final exam to find I was the only student. Mrs Pen didn't ... Continue»
So the other day me and my girlfriend were home and her mom and b*****r stopped by the house real quick to bring us something for us. Well, when the 3 of them were in the living room I went to me and my girlfriends bedroom to get my phone, let's say I didn't get close to the phone. I was in the mood to fuck and cum on some heels, which I wished I would have had the camera. So while they're still in the living room I dig through our closet and get out the victim: A beautiful 4 inch, Nine West, black leather round toe heel(Yeah I gave the brand and type of heel, gotta make a story great with det... Continue»
It was right before the hoildays of 2011 and my wife and I separtated. Feeling lonely and down due to the fact my wife was like i'll never get anyone that looks as good as her and put it on me the way she can which I thought due to the fact my wife on a off day is like a 8 and when she on a 10 and the sex is straight crazy. So feeling bad im on the phone with my b*****r and he's like go on a social site and look for old friends and get out im like please that shit dont work hes like you always find out how much someone wanted to fuck your brains out years later. So i'm like i'll try this so I ... Continue»