Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 65
An 85-year-old visited his doctor who requested the old guy take a sperm count test as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the old man a specimen jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'
The next day the old guy goes back to the doctor's office and hands over the jar, which was as clean and empty as it was the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, Doctor, it's like this, first I tried with my right hand, but nothing happened. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing happened.
'Then I asked... Continue»
A Sunday School teacher was speaking to her class one morning and asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven, which part of your body goes first?"
Bethany raises her hand and said "I think it's your hands Miss"
"Why do you think it's your hands, Bethany?" asked the teacher.
Bethany replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you so God must takes your hands first."
"What a wonderful answer!" the teacher exclaimed. "What does everyone else think?"
Young Timmy raises his hand and says, "Miss I think it's your mouth, because when you say your p... Continue»
This is another true story about the chick I worked with at the factory. It just came to mind and I thought I'd better post it before I forgot it again. I hope you enjoy and please leave comments. Thanks!
I spent the night at her place and as usual when we went to bed, we fucked. I swear this bitch loved to fuck more than any other woman I've ever met! and it was very easy to make her cum, I've never seen a woman that was able to cum that easily and in so many different ways! Oh yeah and the best part...She was a squirter (my first and only one)I loved that about her! Ok here goes. Like ... Continue»
Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they started a conversation. The Black Labrador turned to the yellow Labrador and
asked " So why are you here today? "
The yellow Lab replied, " I'm a serial pisser. I piss on everything, I piss on the couch, the carpet, the curtains, the cat, the k**s. But last night was the final straw when I pissed on my owner's."
The black Lab said, " So what's the vet going to do? "
"Well, he's going to cut my balls off," answered the yellow Labrador. "Supposedly it'll calm me down and stop me pissing everywhere."
The Yellow Lab t... Continue»
THE TUNNEL OF TERROR
In the late summer, just before school started, Veronica always went to the state fair with her friends. This year she set off for the fair early one hot, summer morning with her friends, Jane and Diane. They laughed and talked all the two hour ride to get there. Arriving at the fair, they joined the crowd of people circling the dusty midway lined with food stands, rides, and other amusements. By late afternoon, the three of them were getting bored, until they stumbled across a freak show exhibit. They decided to try it and went inside the patched tent. It was dark insid... Continue»
THE STRANGEST JIGSAW PUZZLE
It was on the top shelf on an old bookcase, covered with dust and barely visible. Lisa decided she had to find out what it was. Of all the things in the old junk shop, it aroused her curiosity most. She had looked through old books, prints, and postcards for hours. Nothing had caught her interest. Now the old box, high and out of reach, intrigued her. She looked around for the old man who ran the store. But he had gone into the back room. She saw a stepladder across the room and brought it over to the bookcase. It shook on the uneven floorboards as she climbed to t... Continue»
Again – all my stories are absolutely true
2006 February, 22
about 11:40 am
Damn, I really hated sports when I was in school. Not that I don’t like sports in general, but considering I already had a quite big bosom when I was 16 it was really a pain when I had to jog or to make gymnastic exercises. If you can’t understand, just bind a pair of sand bags over your breast and try to jog properly. I think everyone can imagine the problem then. The best bra doesn’t help with that problem, my back starts to hurt and the breasts are bouncing wildly while running, but that’s not the biggest... Continue»
A f****y is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?'
The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, son, there are three kinds of Boobs. In her 20's, a woman's are like melons, round and firm. In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions'.
'Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'
This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, 'Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?'.
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear, a man goes through three phases. ... Continue»
All day I'm nervous and can hardly concentrate, cause I am not sure what to expect later that night.....
I get dressed in a pair of jeans and a fitted brown colored top that gives a nice view of my breasts. I swoop my hair up (for the adult look) and put on some comfortable shoes and grab a matching bag. Before I leave the room I survey myself in the mirror..."damn, i do look good", I thought.
I walk out to the living room to meet my darling. I can see him looking at me and I can almost hear him thinking, "damn"!!! I walk up to him and he touches my left cheek and tilts my head upward,... Continue»
A former Auckland teacher has been deregistered after posing nude in a pornographic magazine.
Rachel Whitwell was investigated by the New Zealand Teachers Council (NZTC) after a member of the public complained her actions had brought the profession into disrepute.
Ms Whitwell was featured in the New Zealand and Australian editions of Penthouse in "various states of undress, including totally naked".
One picture showed her dr**ed over an old fashioned school desk.
The magazine quoted Ms Whitwell as saying: "I am submissive in the bedroom because during the day I have to be in contro... Continue»
Working at a golf course sometimes has its ups and downs. Today was an up kind of day. Getting called in at the last second threw off some plans I had with Sarah but I knew the wait would just make it more worth it. It was a fast day, time strolled by very quickly and before I knew it I was ready to go. "So when can you hang out?(:" the text message read. Sneaking into the shed so I could text her back, I responded "As soon as I get the last cart put away and clock out"
Finally, I was free, texting Sarah letting her know I was on my way. The drive seemed to take forever, but finally arrivin... Continue»
Hi I'm James and I'm 20. I'd like to tell you about all the sex I've had ever since. I lost my virginity when I was 16, so let me tell you who it was to. My uncle married my aunt when she had already had two c***dren from a previous relationship. Her oldest c***d had a baby when I was 3. Which meant she was 13. I had seen her come from this ugly shell to become a coming-of-age beauty, her breasts had fully developed and she was looking finer than ever. I remember the first time I had saw her like this, I busted one out in my upstairs bathroom. About two weeks later she and her mum came up to v... Continue»
It was Saturday morning and I woke up as usual, horny with a hard-on. I thought about jerking off as I showered but decided not to since I was going to go see my girlfriend soon. She was always ready to fuck and I could hold off till we were together. I arrived at her house and rang the doorbell. In a few moments her mother opened the door, I said "Hello Mrs. Brown, how are you this morning? She said "Hi Roger, I'm doing OK. How are you?" I said "I'm good, I'm here to see your lovely daughter Janet. Thought we would go out for lunch and maybe a movie." She invited me inside and closed the door... Continue»
A promise is a promise
The story I’m telling is absolutely true
This Story is translated, so please excuse bad english.
2010 July, 17
I remember exactly what happened on that day. It was quite warm although it was in the morning .To be honest, it was a searing heat in my hometown. We who live in the Ruhr-area have Sunshine too though it is below the sea level. A fact even many Germans from afar don’t realize. Despite it was just 10am a fiery heat already has spread what made me wake up really early this Saturday. Normally I sl**p like a log on weekends but this a****... Continue»
Hello buddies it's a true story. Two main characters raj and geetha. raj is a student , studying in high school age 18. Geetha is a teacher in that high school super hot teacher age 28 , married .
Story begin here ,Raj is a good boy , but bad in studies .geetha is a friend of raj's mother.so raj is afraid in periods of geetha . she is a maths teacher , raj had many dreams about geetha . Because she is very beauty some 36-28-36 . a perfect figure . geetha as a soft corner for raj always . she used to boost up his marks .
one day raj went to geetha's house on Sunday to clear some... Continue»
Everytime when my girlfriend anne was at my house she wanted to fuck. She was so horny all the time that i could not do anything else. THe way she suck my cock was so exciting. But with every blowjob my cock started to hurt more and more.
I coulndn't stop her anymore so I said: "Anne, go to my father. You can do it to his dick!" My dad was a horny man. He often fucked with many different sluts. He was such a man who said never no to any woman. So i Knew that Anne will be happy with him. "Wanna play with me?"
An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She's chatting it up with St.
Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most
awful bl**dcurdling screams.Don't worry about that', says St. Peter,
'it's only someonehaving the holes put into her shoulder blades for
The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the
conversation.Ten minutes later, there are more bl**d curdling
screams.'Oh my God', says the old lady, 'now what is happening?'
Not to worry', says St. Peter, 'She's just having her head drilled
to fit the halo.'I can't do this', says the old lady,... Continue»
The knock on the hotel door meant he'd arrived, and as I slipped on my cool plastic mac, being careful not to dislodge my long talons, it helped to conceal the stiffening bulge under my tight plastic skirt. I opened the door, to a tall dark stranger, enveloped in a long shiny, double-breasted rubber mac. He grabbed my arm, gently linking, and, without speaking, I tottered along carefully, in my new boots, past reception, and into his big black BMW. My heart was thumping, and the pulse throbbed even tighter down below. We set off, and he simply said, "Smoke. You fucking slut." It was hard, with... Continue»
Babymoons: Holidays when pregnant
Holidaying when you’re expecting is now so popular there’s even a name for it. Practical Parenting has these must-read tips for going on a ‘babymoon'
Holidays for parents-to-be are a growing trend – so much so that resorts and hotels around the world are marketing special packages specifically aimed at ‘babymooners’.
If you’re healthy and well, holidaying with a bump is a great way to relax and enjoy a bit of alone time with your partner pre-bub. But before you pack your bags and book your flights, it pays to do some homework.
The best time
The ... Continue»
we are a couple and are very much in love and love to fuck each other whenever and where ever we can!
it was a saturday morning and my sexy boyfriend woke me up by fingering my pussy until i was nice and wet, he then proceeded to suck on my nipples and kiss all down my body until he came down to my wet pussy. he licked my clit and sucked on my lips until i came.
after i had cum he flipped me over ontop of him and slammed my pussy down onto his rock hard dick. i moaned with enjoyment... i leaned my upper body down onto his chest and began to shake my ass up and down just on the head of ... Continue»