Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 64

Almost caught getting head

I was dating a very sexy blonde. I would go to her house everyday just to fuck our brains out. She always loved to film us going at in every room of the house and she loved sucking my cock. I was living in high heaven with this chick. One night we were in her living room having a bit of fun when we heard someone walking down the stairs. We paniced and put on our clothes with not a moment to spare. I stood up with a raging hard on right as her dad walked around the corner. I said "Hey Mr. B, Katie is going to walk me to my car" he said "bye" and I managed to make it 5' down the stairs before sh... Continue»
Posted by Kyle2290 2 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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Dead Rosed

I haven't been able to sl**p lately. I started a new shift at work, and it seems like the world is always asl**p, while I'm awake at crazy hours,

working hard to afford the life I want us to live. I never wanted her to feel like I didn't care about her needs, because I do. I guess I just have trouble

exspressing how I feel sometimes. But i do it all for her. I do it all for us. She says I don't try hard enough to make time for her. She says that I

concern myself too much with money, and the things I think we "need". But I'm just trying to provide. I heard her talking in her sl**p ... Continue»
Posted by javabot9000 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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Funny blowjob in a nerd's car

Hello everyone, this is my first story here... This is a real one, i haven't many of them to tell so in the future i could switch to fantasy. I'm also not english so tell me about my writing :-p
By now: here the facts. I was 23 and i broke up with my boyfriend after almost 1 year, i was very sad, angry and, must admit, cock-hungry.
That night a good friend of mine held a birthday party in a nightclub, we danced and had a very good time, drinking much. Aware of me being a good drinker, my friend drove me to the party. There, however, she found a very handsome man to go home with, and asked me... Continue»
Posted by Bailight 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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Great Sex

There is a difference between sex and great sex. Sex is just doing it and getting it done. Great sex is enjoying it and making it last maybe even for days. Undressing each other and marveling each body. I love to undress the man and kiss the bare skin as I uncover it. I want him to do the same to me. Lick amd suck each others nipples. I really love everything underneath a mans pants. That nice thick cock, the full balls and of course the sexy ass. Ass is my favorite. Kiss and lick those ass cheeks then spread them and find that nice bud. Lick all around it and kiss it and surprise him when I i... Continue»
Posted by polygirl42 2 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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Does Your Girl Clean Your Cock?

Standing in the doorway to my apartment with Becs, I think back to meeting her for the first time. I'd been playing pool with Brian, my at-the-time and current roommate, in our dorm's community room, which looked like a huge living room furnished with the same aqua blue tables and chairs we had in our rooms, a flat screen TV, couches everywhere, and a ratty old pool table. I'd gotten a game in pretty much every day that year, our freshman year, and was getting to be okay. Becs, or Rebecca as she called herself then, came by with some girl she was rushing with, I forget her name, and started ta... Continue»
Posted by PureCoffee 2 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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Billiards and the Hooker

-------- Billiards and the Hooker --------

I was sitting at the bar in a rock and roll club not far from the traffic circle just outside Fort Benning. I'd been there for a little while, sipping a beer. The band wasn't too bad, but the crowd was small, not much going on.

A skinny little guy, younger than me, long hair, worn clothes, your generic weasel type, had come in and sat down at the bar a couple chairs down. When the bartender came to serve him, he ordered a draft beer and dragged out some change from his pocket and was counting nickels and dimes. I shrugged, what the hell, and... Continue»
Posted by cptfritz 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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What changed your mind?!

(true story)
Last night I was craving to be fucked by my boyfriend. He worked overtime today & was exhausted. When we were all ready for sl**p, I begged for his cock but he shut me down. I even said I would do all the work & even rub his back after..he was just too tired. So we both went to sl**p. Now remember his younger s****r sl**ps above us on the top bunk. I woke up to switch sl**ping positions and i feel him touch my ass. I didn't think anything of it, I though it was accident. Then, he pulls the blanket off of me & pins me down. He locks his lips with mine & I shove my tongue into his ... Continue»
Posted by mgrzywac 2 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor  |  
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European Closeness

-------- European Closeness --------

I met an older but very attractive woman, Tascha, at a local shopping center. Her middle European accent, exotic looks, and damned good figure and legs caught my attention, and I did my very best big strong young soldier act on her, helping to reach an item on a top shelf for her. I pulled the old gag about being an ignorant bachelor, not knowing what to select for supper. Smiling, she joined me in shopping and helped me fill my cart, making suggestions for easy to fix, tasty, good meals. We found ourselves getting along very well, and she invited me... Continue»
Posted by cptfritz 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
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Anna 1 Anna and the Firemen

---- Anna 1: Anna and the Firemen ----

Trying to ignore the pain in my back, I gently squeezed Anna's firm buttocks. Such a sweet ass she had, a great handful to hold on to, to pull her against my penetrating cock as she rode me to an orgasm.

She'd collapsed on my body now, her heavy breathing still puffing against my neck as she cuddled in post-orgasmic satisfaction. I squeezed her buttocks again. Let her get her breath back, and then maybe I could roll her over, throw her legs over my shoulders, and fuck her hard and fast for my own climax!

I heard a faint noise and open my eyes.... Continue»
Posted by cptfritz 2 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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Anna 3 Anna and the Principal

-------- Anna 3: Anna and the Principal --------

Anna's young son was looking for a cartoon video when he found the stack of photo printouts on the TV cabinet. Curious, he leafed through them. He was amazed to see his mother's face in many of them! But she was always naked! And there were men, one was a huge fat black man! In many of the pictures the men had their things, their wee-wee's sticking out! Except they weren't like his wee-wee: these were big, long, stiff, not short and floppy like his. He looked closely at some the images: yes, it's like he thought: they were sticking the... Continue»
Posted by cptfritz 2 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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Susie Wong

A little background: Eddie, a friend of mine, and I take alternate shifts at a security office. The office is usually quiet, we just have to be there, be responsible, watch the monitors, that sort of thing. At night no one ever visits.

Well, no one except Eddie's wife Susie. She's half-Chinese, very attractive, very outgoing, and with a mouth and attitude like a Marine on shore leave! She'd had quite an upbringing in this Navy town and was quite the handful for her Chinese father, a first-generation immigrant, and her American redneck mother! (Those two are another whole story, but ne... Continue»
Posted by cptfritz 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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QUOTATIONS ABOUT LOVE

The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.

Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand

Mahatma Gandhi was what wives wish their husbands were: thin, tan and moral.

In Brighton she was Brenda
She was Patsy up in Perth,
In Cambridge she was Candida,
The sweetest girl on earth.
In Stafford she was Stella,
The pick of the bunch
But down on his expenses
She was Petrol, Oil and Lunch

It is impossible to love and be wise.

Love your enemies in case your friends turn out to be a bunch of bastards

Love your enemies in case your friends ... Continue»
Posted by All-The-Way 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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QUOTATION ABOUT LOVE :)

The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.

Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand

Mahatma Gandhi was what wives wish their husbands were: thin, tan and moral.

In Brighton she was Brenda
She was Patsy up in Perth,
In Cambridge she was Candida,
The sweetest girl on earth.
In Stafford she was Stella,
The pick of the bunch
But down on his expenses
She was Petrol, Oil and Lunch

It is impossible to love and be wise.

Love your enemies in case your friends turn out to be a bunch of bastards

Love your enemies in case your friends ... Continue»
Posted by All-The-Way 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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chating spanish wife

My fingers peck at the keyboard as I blink at the screen, the words glowing fuzzily back at me. I reach out and take a sip of my soda to wet my drying lips. I read over her words again.

{my pussy is so wet for u}

I glance at my response in the send box before hitting return, watching my words magically appear on the screen before me.

{r u playing with urself now?}

I couldn't believe how wrapped up in this I had become. I never went into chatrooms before, the whole interest of computers and Internet communication escaping me, but sitting home by myself for days upon days, nothing to... Continue»
Posted by zopri 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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Vegerotica

"Oh, god, I'm turnipy today," Pepper sighed. "It's been way too long since we spinached."

"Come here, pumpkin," Sorrel told her. "Are you thinking you'd like some good old-fashioned yamming?"

"God, yes." Pepper settled into his arms. "It's been a week, and I've been dreaming about your zucchini."

"Glad to hear it, because the past few days, all I've been able to think about is your sweet little potato," Sorrel said. He hugged her. "Come on, baby, let's go upstairs so we can cabbage."

"Upstairs? My rutabaga's so wet just thinking about your hard eggplant that I'm afraid I'll drip wh... Continue»
Posted by zopri 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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MY FAV JOKES

Patient to doctor: The problem is that obesity runs in our f****y. Doctor to patient: No.............the problem's that no one runs in your f****y.

I was walking home late one night and saw a woman in the shadows.
"Ten pounds . ." she whispers.
I'd never been with a prostiture before, so i decided, it’s only a tenner,why not, So we hide in the bushes.
Were going at it for a minute or so when all of a sudden a light flashes on us. It’s a policeman.,"Ello ello ello,What’s going on here, " asks the officer.
"I’m making love to my wife!, " i answered indignantly.
"Oh, I’m sorry, " say... Continue»
Posted by icumonu 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Happy Ending Switch

I have been seeing the same massage ther****t for the better part of a year now. She is in her mid to late 30’s and fairly attractive. While she is a state licensed ther****t she does occasionally make exceptions to the state laws pertaining to Happy Endings for very few clients. And I just happen to be lucky enough to be one of those few clients.

Over these last few months I have k**ded with her about turning the tables on her and offering to have a session with her where I massage her instead of her massaging me. Well, when I called her for my last appointment she asked me if I was seriou... Continue»
Posted by bigsoftee 2 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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My New Ther****t

The other day I was really sore from working out and thought it would be a great to treat myself to a massage. Being something of a massage freak I am always looking and hoping for that elusive Happy Ending as an extra. I looked on the internet under Massage Ther****ts and found a local gal who was happy to make an appointment for me the same day. She had a sexy sounding voice and I figured maybe I would luck out and finally get that Happy Ending I was looking for. But when she said her location was in a beauty parlor I figured forget the Happy Ending. This would be a completely normal and non... Continue»
Posted by bigsoftee 2 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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Another Vacation

Have you ever had that friend that you imagine what they look like naked? Well my s****r's mother-in-law is a woman I wanted to see naked. She is 62 years of sexy, soft silky legs, reddish brown curly hair, nipples that poke your eyes out with pleasure. As we spend Labor Day weekend at a Resort. Relaxing in the indoor water park, watching her float on the lazy river all spread out on a tub. OH... how I like to feast on that camel toe, she was sporting. I had to get a tub and float on my stomach and catch up to her as she floats on the back side through a tunnel. She had her back to me as I pad... Continue»
Posted by Gehld 2 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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Penile implant sex

This is a true story

I hope that men with erectile dysfunction take this information to heart.
Well let me start by saying I'm a 44 year old man that's been dealing with the fallout of a couple heart attacks and as a aside effect of my various medications that I'm on my Dick at first would work but I noticed that I could fuck for as long as I used to before my heart issues. I tried the pills, the pump, the muse system, all with no solid maintainable erection, so things with my wife were starting to get strained, and my confidence was shot. I told my doctor about my home issues with the wif... Continue»
Posted by Taboo69 2 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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