Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 63

Lap Dance Heaven

Like most towns do these days we have our share of adult entertainment establishments. One day I decided to reward myself after a hard day’s work and visit one. As usual, when I entered the place in the middle of the day, the interior is very dark and I couldn’t see shit until my eyes could adjust. I walked in feeling like a blind man; my hands reaching out in front of me feeling around making sure I wasn’t going to run into something or someone. I hoped I wasn’t going to trip over a table but I didn’t mind if my arms wrapped around one of the ladies who were dancing there. Just as long as the... Continue»
Posted by bigsoftee 2 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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My own personal nurse

Last week I came down with a small cold I caught at a time out with some friends. I decided it was best to stay home and rest my head. Leanne called like she normally does every morning to check up on me before class. I explained that I was sick with a cold. She asked to come by after class in the afternoon and I told her she can come over anytime.

Later that day Leanne arrives. We hug and kiss as she walks inside my apartment. Leanne cooked dinner for the both of us. She asked if she can stay the night to keep an eye on me since I was ill. I told her yes and she asked to change in my clot... Continue»
Posted by Johnny916 2 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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Fate

Fate: Noun
"The Development of events outside a person's control, regarded as determined by a Supernatural power."

The last few months had not been going well for Sam, he lost his job and his girlfriend cheated on him with his best friend. After bouncing around from job to job he landed in a garage. A massive step down from his last job but thanks to a love of Cars given to him by his Father he was happy. He quickly found a kindred spirit in Owen, a fellow Mechanic and car buff, the two became fast friends.

On one particular evening Owen was invited to go out for a night of drinking a... Continue»
Posted by Johnny_Lee_Miller 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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ALL MY SINS REMEMBER'D part 3

After numerous flutes of wine Kathy Lee was becoming very vocal despite Hoda's vain attempts to silence her proved to be. The only think that silenced her was when she was sucking my cock. She held it in her hands and then cast glance over at Hoda and a mischievious smile smile across her face.
"Reminds of that visit to the farm," she said. "Remember, Hoda. The stables?"
Hoda's face tightened and reddened and she gave Kathy Lee a solid punch on the arm and pushed her head downward and filled her mouth with my engorged prick. She cast a nervous glance over at me, which I responded with an... Continue»
Posted by slappywag64 2 years ago  |  Categories: Celebrities, Sex Humor, Shemales  |  
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Too Tired to Fuck

One time while my wife was pregnant we had just climbed into bed. She was tired but also felt like sex. She wanted sl**p more than sex though and practically passed out in a minute. She sl**ps in only her panties, so I started gently groping her breasts and lightly squeezing her nipples. Her nipples got hard and she sighed a few times. She didn't wake up at all so I kept going until her nipples started leaking milk. That always made her body want more. It made me want more, too. She was on her side and u*********sly rolled to her back and spread her legs as if it was instinct. I had been hard ... Continue»
Posted by gorkamorka 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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SHE WANTED ALL OF ME IN HER MOUTH...

THIS IS JUST AN ACCOUNT OF THE GREATEST ORAL EXPERIENCE I EVER HAD.. I SHORT-CUT RIGHT TO THE JUICY PART.. BUT I GUARANTEE THIS IS ALL 100% HONESTY..

WHEN SHE SAID SHE WANTED TO 69 WITH MY, I LAY ON MY BACK GETTING MY HEAD COMFORTABLE ON THE PILLOWS... SILENTLY SHE WAVED HERE FINGER @ ME NEGATIVELY & GRABBING MY HAND SHE TUGGED/URGED ME UP & OFF THE BED.. ONCE I WAS UP, SHE LAY DOWN.. ONLY REVERSED (HER FEET TOWARDS THE HEADBOARD, HEAD HANGING FREELY OVER THE EDGE OF THE BED.. GAZING UP @ ME SHE TOLD ME, "NOW I WANT YOU TO MAKE LOVE TO MY PUSSY WITH YOUR TONGUE @ THE THE SAME TIME YO... Continue»
Posted by jboi626 2 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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Almost caught getting head

I was dating a very sexy blonde. I would go to her house everyday just to fuck our brains out. She always loved to film us going at in every room of the house and she loved sucking my cock. I was living in high heaven with this chick. One night we were in her living room having a bit of fun when we heard someone walking down the stairs. We paniced and put on our clothes with not a moment to spare. I stood up with a raging hard on right as her dad walked around the corner. I said "Hey Mr. B, Katie is going to walk me to my car" he said "bye" and I managed to make it 5' down the stairs before sh... Continue»
Posted by Kyle2290 2 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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Dead Rosed

I haven't been able to sl**p lately. I started a new shift at work, and it seems like the world is always asl**p, while I'm awake at crazy hours,

working hard to afford the life I want us to live. I never wanted her to feel like I didn't care about her needs, because I do. I guess I just have trouble

exspressing how I feel sometimes. But i do it all for her. I do it all for us. She says I don't try hard enough to make time for her. She says that I

concern myself too much with money, and the things I think we "need". But I'm just trying to provide. I heard her talking in her sl**p ... Continue»
Posted by javabot9000 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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Funny blowjob in a nerd's car

Hello everyone, this is my first story here... This is a real one, i haven't many of them to tell so in the future i could switch to fantasy. I'm also not english so tell me about my writing :-p
By now: here the facts. I was 23 and i broke up with my boyfriend after almost 1 year, i was very sad, angry and, must admit, cock-hungry.
That night a good friend of mine held a birthday party in a nightclub, we danced and had a very good time, drinking much. Aware of me being a good drinker, my friend drove me to the party. There, however, she found a very handsome man to go home with, and asked me... Continue»
Posted by Bailight 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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Great Sex

There is a difference between sex and great sex. Sex is just doing it and getting it done. Great sex is enjoying it and making it last maybe even for days. Undressing each other and marveling each body. I love to undress the man and kiss the bare skin as I uncover it. I want him to do the same to me. Lick amd suck each others nipples. I really love everything underneath a mans pants. That nice thick cock, the full balls and of course the sexy ass. Ass is my favorite. Kiss and lick those ass cheeks then spread them and find that nice bud. Lick all around it and kiss it and surprise him when I i... Continue»
Posted by polygirl42 2 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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Does Your Girl Clean Your Cock?

Standing in the doorway to my apartment with Becs, I think back to meeting her for the first time. I'd been playing pool with Brian, my at-the-time and current roommate, in our dorm's community room, which looked like a huge living room furnished with the same aqua blue tables and chairs we had in our rooms, a flat screen TV, couches everywhere, and a ratty old pool table. I'd gotten a game in pretty much every day that year, our freshman year, and was getting to be okay. Becs, or Rebecca as she called herself then, came by with some girl she was rushing with, I forget her name, and started ta... Continue»
Posted by PureCoffee 2 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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Billiards and the Hooker

-------- Billiards and the Hooker --------

I was sitting at the bar in a rock and roll club not far from the traffic circle just outside Fort Benning. I'd been there for a little while, sipping a beer. The band wasn't too bad, but the crowd was small, not much going on.

A skinny little guy, younger than me, long hair, worn clothes, your generic weasel type, had come in and sat down at the bar a couple chairs down. When the bartender came to serve him, he ordered a draft beer and dragged out some change from his pocket and was counting nickels and dimes. I shrugged, what the hell, and... Continue»
Posted by cptfritz 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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What changed your mind?!

(true story)
Last night I was craving to be fucked by my boyfriend. He worked overtime today & was exhausted. When we were all ready for sl**p, I begged for his cock but he shut me down. I even said I would do all the work & even rub his back after..he was just too tired. So we both went to sl**p. Now remember his younger s****r sl**ps above us on the top bunk. I woke up to switch sl**ping positions and i feel him touch my ass. I didn't think anything of it, I though it was accident. Then, he pulls the blanket off of me & pins me down. He locks his lips with mine & I shove my tongue into his ... Continue»
Posted by mgrzywac 2 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor  |  
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European Closeness

-------- European Closeness --------

I met an older but very attractive woman, Tascha, at a local shopping center. Her middle European accent, exotic looks, and damned good figure and legs caught my attention, and I did my very best big strong young soldier act on her, helping to reach an item on a top shelf for her. I pulled the old gag about being an ignorant bachelor, not knowing what to select for supper. Smiling, she joined me in shopping and helped me fill my cart, making suggestions for easy to fix, tasty, good meals. We found ourselves getting along very well, and she invited me... Continue»
Posted by cptfritz 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
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Anna 1 Anna and the Firemen

---- Anna 1: Anna and the Firemen ----

Trying to ignore the pain in my back, I gently squeezed Anna's firm buttocks. Such a sweet ass she had, a great handful to hold on to, to pull her against my penetrating cock as she rode me to an orgasm.

She'd collapsed on my body now, her heavy breathing still puffing against my neck as she cuddled in post-orgasmic satisfaction. I squeezed her buttocks again. Let her get her breath back, and then maybe I could roll her over, throw her legs over my shoulders, and fuck her hard and fast for my own climax!

I heard a faint noise and open my eyes.... Continue»
Posted by cptfritz 2 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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Anna 3 Anna and the Principal

-------- Anna 3: Anna and the Principal --------

Anna's young son was looking for a cartoon video when he found the stack of photo printouts on the TV cabinet. Curious, he leafed through them. He was amazed to see his mother's face in many of them! But she was always naked! And there were men, one was a huge fat black man! In many of the pictures the men had their things, their wee-wee's sticking out! Except they weren't like his wee-wee: these were big, long, stiff, not short and floppy like his. He looked closely at some the images: yes, it's like he thought: they were sticking the... Continue»
Posted by cptfritz 2 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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Susie Wong

A little background: Eddie, a friend of mine, and I take alternate shifts at a security office. The office is usually quiet, we just have to be there, be responsible, watch the monitors, that sort of thing. At night no one ever visits.

Well, no one except Eddie's wife Susie. She's half-Chinese, very attractive, very outgoing, and with a mouth and attitude like a Marine on shore leave! She'd had quite an upbringing in this Navy town and was quite the handful for her Chinese father, a first-generation immigrant, and her American redneck mother! (Those two are another whole story, but ne... Continue»
Posted by cptfritz 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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QUOTATIONS ABOUT LOVE

The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.

Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand

Mahatma Gandhi was what wives wish their husbands were: thin, tan and moral.

In Brighton she was Brenda
She was Patsy up in Perth,
In Cambridge she was Candida,
The sweetest girl on earth.
In Stafford she was Stella,
The pick of the bunch
But down on his expenses
She was Petrol, Oil and Lunch

It is impossible to love and be wise.

Love your enemies in case your friends turn out to be a bunch of bastards

Love your enemies in case your friends ... Continue»
Posted by All-The-Way 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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QUOTATION ABOUT LOVE :)

The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.

Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand

Mahatma Gandhi was what wives wish their husbands were: thin, tan and moral.

In Brighton she was Brenda
She was Patsy up in Perth,
In Cambridge she was Candida,
The sweetest girl on earth.
In Stafford she was Stella,
The pick of the bunch
But down on his expenses
She was Petrol, Oil and Lunch

It is impossible to love and be wise.

Love your enemies in case your friends turn out to be a bunch of bastards

Love your enemies in case your friends ... Continue»
Posted by All-The-Way 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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chating spanish wife

My fingers peck at the keyboard as I blink at the screen, the words glowing fuzzily back at me. I reach out and take a sip of my soda to wet my drying lips. I read over her words again.

{my pussy is so wet for u}

I glance at my response in the send box before hitting return, watching my words magically appear on the screen before me.

{r u playing with urself now?}

I couldn't believe how wrapped up in this I had become. I never went into chatrooms before, the whole interest of computers and Internet communication escaping me, but sitting home by myself for days upon days, nothing to... Continue»
Posted by zopri 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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